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5-13 2004.06.06 |
All Due Respect Diet Tony gets whacked, and the Feds get Johnny Sack. |
| Ep. | Title | Air/Pub'l | Author |
| 5-13 Recap |
All Due Respect All Due Respect - Diet Tony gets whacked, and the Feds get Johnny Sack. |
2004.06.06 2004.06.10 |
Kim |
| 5-12 Recap |
Long Term Parking Long Term Parking - Adriana confesses her rathood to Christopher, with predictable results. |
2004.05.23 2004.05.29 |
Kim |
| 5-11 Recap |
T Didn't Start The Fire The Test Dream - Valentina burns her robe. Christopher eats Toblerone. Billy Batts whacks Angelo. Diet Tony's on his own. Makazian, Richie, Big Pussy, Mickey P., Gloria, Joey Pants, the Little Lord missed this dance. Godfather, JFK, Frankenstein, and Stanley K. Ebenezer, Valachi, Gary Cooper, Pie-O-My. Artie Bucco pimps Charmaine. Tony's coach shows his disdain. Annette Bening sips champagne. Has Tony finally gone insane? Oh, T didn't start the fire. But he was always dreaming, since the very first season. |
2004.05.16 2004.05.22 |
Aaron |
| 5-10 Recap |
Angry Fat Man Cold Cuts - There's a place in the world for the angry fat man, with his poly-blend shirts and his head in the sand. And he's never been able to learn from mistakes, so he can't understand why his heart always breaks. So he insults Chrissy and Janice as well, and this whole damn ep was as boring as hell. And Tony'll go to the grave as an angry fat man. |
2004.05.09 2004.05.16 |
Aaron |
| 5-9 Recap |
Walk On The Wide Side Unidentified Black Males - Diet Tony whacked Joey Peeps. And Johnny Sack wants him off the streets. But Wide Guy never lost his head, even when he was giving head. He said, "Hey, Finn. Want to go to a Yankee game?" And the colored girls say: "Shut up, Meadow." |
2004.05.02 2004.05.08 |
Aaron |
| 5-8 Recap |
Happy Birthday To Hugh Marco Polo - Yes we're going to a party, party! |
2004.04.25 2004.05.01 |
Aaron |
| 5-7 Recap |
Johnny Be Good In Camelot - Deep down in dark New Jersey, far from the sea breeze, way back up in the past in Tony's memories, there lived a man named Johnny and his mistress Fran. She slept with JFK, and took Tony's dog away. Now Johnny never learned how to treat his wife. And now that's Tony's grown up, it's finally messed with his life. Go, go! Go, Johnny, go go go! |
2004.04.18 2004.04.24 |
Aaron |
| 5-6 Recap |
She Ain't The Cheatin' Kind Sentimental Education - After four seasons of fidelity, Furio, and Father Phil, Carmela finally gets her freak on with a guidance counselor named Bob. And then he dumps her and she cries about it, meaning that more happened in these fifty-three minutes than in all of last season. In other news, Tony B. tries to open a massage parlor, Tony S. takes a dive, and AJ is...well, AJ. Sigh. |
2004.04.11 2004.04.17 |
Aaron |
| 5-5 Recap |
Irregular Around The Margins Irregular Around The Margins - Tony and Adriana get in a suspicious car accident, causing rumors to fly and Christopher to hit the bottle. |
2004.04.04 2004.04.10 |
Kim |
| 5-4 Recap |
He May Walk Like A Man, But He Ain't No Gigolo All Happy Families - AJ spends a night in the naked city, and comes home naked in a way that no one could have anticipated. In Tony's "other" family, meanwhile, Lorraine gets whacked; Feech gets double-crossed; Frankie Valli, Lawrence Taylor, and David Lee Roth get cameos; and the prick doctor's daughter gets married. |
2004.03.28 2004.04.03 |
Aaron |
| 5-3 Recap |
Uncle Jun's Clan Where's Johnny? - Well, the last days are the hardest days, you can't remember anymore. And if you cut grass on Paulie's street, there is danger at your door. Set your hatred free, throw an elbow at Artie! Whoa-ho, what I want to know, is do you love me? |
2004.03.21 2004.03.27 |
Aaron |
| 5-2 Recap |
These Boobs Were Made For Whacking Rat Pack - Tony allows his ever-expanding man boobs to serve as the final arbiter of life and death in an episode jam-packed with rats, hats, saturated fats, and the suit Aaron was wearing the night he kissed Shari Katz. |
2004.03.14 2004.03.20 |
Aaron |
| 5-1 Recap |
A Little Less Conversation... Two Tonys - ...a little more action, please. All this angst and whining ain't satisfactioning me. A little less wuss and a little more dark, a little less Artie and be clear on who's the narc. Come on back with a brand-new start and baby satisfy me. |
2004.03.07 2004.03.13 |
Aaron |
| 4-13 Recap |
It's The End Of The Season As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) Whitecaps - That's great, it starts with a head case. Boats and hoors, the Jersey shore. Lawyer Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane, listen to Carmela churn. Tony serves his own needs, never mind the family's. Nine o'clock, TV hour, don't get caught by network power. Slash and burn, Chris returns, look at Johnny Sack churn. With a wire on the Curto and a crazed Vin Delpino, and a mob hit for hire at a combat site. Oh, left him in a hurry with the Russians screaming on the phone. Offer me alternatives, offer me Alias, but I decline. It's the end of the season as we know it, and I feel fine. |
2002.12.08 2002.12.15 |
Aaron |
| 4-12 Recap |
Mambo Italiano Eloise - "A boy went back to Napoliiiii, because he missed the sceneryyyyy -- the native dances and the charming sooooongs. But wait a minute -- something's wrooooong." Really, really wrong. Furio blows town, leaving Carm depressed, queasy, and bickering with Meadow over homosexual subtext in Melville. Tony keeps doing the dance with Carmine. Paulie kills an old lady. AJ floats an air biscuit. |
2002.12.01 2002.12.04 |
Sars |
| 4-11 Recap |
Dream On Calling All Cars - Sing with me, sing for Tony. Sing for the appraiser, sing for Bobby. Sing for Tony, just for today. Maybe tomorrow, the good Chase will take him away. By the way, I find that it's funnier if you pretend Brian Benben is singing it to you. |
2002.11.24 2002.12.01 |
Aaron |
| 4-10 Recap |
No Woman, No Cry The Strong, Silent Type - Man, who else misses the old Furio? I mean, there are three-dimensional characters, and then there are wussies, and if I wanted a wussy, I'd be watching The West Wing. Other people with problems include Christopher and his heroin addiction, Paulie and his poor taste in artwork, and Tony and his inability to keep his pants on. |
2002.11.17 2002.11.24 |
Aaron |
| 4-9 Recap |
Slice Me Up! Whoever Did This - You get me chopping and I never stop, never stop, never never never stop! Also, Raid makes a grown man cry. |
2002.11.10 2002.11.17 |
Aaron |
| 4-8 Recap |
Mother should I check the mall? Mergers and Acquisitions - Hush now baby, don't you cry. Mama's gonna find a new girlfriend for you. Mama won't let Joey be dirty near you. Mama's gonna wait up until you get in. Mama will always find out what's in the bin. Mama's gonna keep baby breaking those arms. Oooooooh, baby. Of course Mama will help build the wall. |
2002.11.03 2002.11.10 |
Aaron |
| 4-7 Recap |
Our (Crack) House Watching Too Much Television - The return of Paulie Walnuts brings us the best episode so far this season. Boon risks his neck to help Tony and Vondie Curtis-Hall consummate a real estate deal, but it's his love life that really leaves him cruising for a bruising. Adriana finally convinces Christopher to marry her, only to discover that she's doing it for all the wrong reasons. And while Furio finally starts to dig himself out of danger, Cousin Brian finds himself drawn in even deeper. |
2002.10.27 2002.11.03 |
Aaron |
| 4-6 Recap |
Stuck In The Middle Review Everybody Hurts - I don't know what to say here tonight. I got the feeling this ep just ain't right. And while I laughed at most all of its jokes, the truth is I don't care 'bout these blokes. I got Artie to the left of me, AJ to the right -- here I am, with a stuck in the middle review. |
2002.10.20 2002.10.28 |
Aaron |
| 4-5 Recap |
Wild Horses Actually Can Drag Him Away Pie-O-My - Tony loves being with horses. Adriana hates being a rat. Janice loves being a weasel, and Joey will always be a pig. |
2002.10.13 2002.10.20 |
Aaron |
| 4-4 Recap |
The Weight The Weight - Pulled in to Hoboken, was riding with Johnny Sack. He just wants to know where Ginny keeps the snacks. He said, "Hey, Aaron, does anyone end up dead?" I just smiled and wrote the recap. "No," was all it said. Take a load off, Ginny. Take a load for free. Take a load off, Ginny. And put the hit on Ralphie. |
2002.10.06 2002.10.14 |
Aaron |
| 4-3 Recap |
No One Is To Blame Christopher - You can block a parade, but you just can't retreat. You can watch Joey Pants take a vibrator in the seat. You can be an Indian chief, and not a serial killer again. Bobby feels the punishment, but he didn't commit the sin. And you blame them. And they blame you. We blame everyone. But no one, no one, no one ever is to blame. |
2002.09.29 2002.10.06 |
Aaron |
| 4-2 Recap |
It's Only Puke & Coal (But I Like It) No Show - Adriana's new diamond bracelet gets an unexpected adornment when she learns that Lola is more than just a honky-tonk woman. Meanwhile, Meadow is a beast of burden (and we certainly know she's no mother's little helper), and even as a capo, Christopher still can't get no satisfaction. Click the link to read all about it, and watch as Aaron endures his nineteenth nervous breakdown. |
2002.09.22 2002.09.29 |
Aaron |
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