This week's episode is titled "Dueling for Dunbar." I guess Gramps is making a surprise visit? (I will go to hell for all these Dunbar incest jokes).
We open on Paula and Dunbar arguing. Paula: "You're a RE-tard." Then Paula, laughing. Evan interviews that all they do is fight and scream and then cuddle and make up. Cut back to Paula and Dunbar, now Paula is telling Dunbar that everyone hates him. Dunbar is like "Why are you saying these things?" Paula interviews that getting Dunbar so mad makes her laugh, it's like poking a monster on a chain with a stick. Oh, Paula I wouldn't put so much stock in the quality of the chain MTV's provided.
Back to Paula telling Dunbar about how much everyone hates him. Dunbar tells her he's not going to be her friend anymore. Paula goes stalking across the patio toward the house, wearing sunglasses (it's night) blustering "I don't care. I. Don't. Care." Man, you don't even have to squint to make Paula look exactly like Tonya in this situation. Except Tonya at least has an honest job at Pizza Hut. Dunbar interviews about how hard it is having a stable relationship with Paula.
Cut over to Dunbar and Kim holed up behind a hedge talking about how crazy Paula is. You know Paula is a shitstorm if you're seeking harbor in Kimberly. Dunbar and Kimberly both interview about how they really like the other. Back in the house, Aneesa has apparently decided, since she has a Davy Crockett hat for hair, that she's been appointed Poon Tracker. She thinks Dunbar and Kimberly have been doing it.
Over in one of the bedrooms, the girls are giving Evan a facial and plucking Easy's eyebrows. Easy interviews that they have to learn how to make their own fun in the house. Actually, all the guys in the room have skin masks on their faces. Easy gets up and does some lame mime movements. Then he comes on in an interview and sets us all straight: "I'm the Big Easy. I do what Big Easy does. I like being on Challenges, and I like having fun." Uh, okay? Nobody was really doubting any of that (your ontological status, your love for challenges and for fun), but please do continue to keep the record straight.
Back to Dunbar and Paula. Dunbar insists to Paula that he hasn't hooked up with Kim. Kim comes over, grabbing her own boobs with both hands and shoving them into one another, and assures Paula they've never hooked up. Dunbar interviews that he and Paula haven't "done anything yet" but Paula keeps begging for it. Okay, how is it that whenever Dunbar gets involved everything gets all gothic and weird and "A Rose for Miss Emily"-ish? He hasn't even slept with Paula? But is fielding all this weirdness from her? Meanwhile, Paula is telling Dunbar that she's "in my real life upset." YOU GUYS WE ARE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS. Seriously. Truman has figured it all out. Hal has become self-aware. The monkeys are rising up. THE DUELERS HAVE BEGUN DISTINGUISHING THEIR REAL LIVES FROM THE SHOW.
Commercials. Back at the house, Paula is still "real life upset." Dunbar makes Paula look him in the eye and calms her down. So I guess the whole thing between them is just this game "partnership"? I don't get any of these "partner" things. Did they all just drift into them? Whatever. Dunbar assures her that he has her back as her Duel partner. Clearly, Paula has been totally damaged by Kenny.
Derek and Kimberly talk. Derek thinks the only thing that keeps them sane is doing the Challenges and going around and seeing the country that they're in. Curiosity? About the world? Exhibited by a Dueler? Derek interviews that he thinks his time has probably come and will be going home soon. Phew. Can't have any of that "curiosity" stuff going around in the house.
Challenge. It's a height thing again. There's a rope-ish ladder hanging over the river, and they have to climb it as fast as possible, to get to the top to hoist a US Army flag. As you get higher on the ladder, the rungs get further apart, so it gets more difficult. Mark and Rachel figure out who's going first; they pick Derek and Kim to do the initial run, which sucks for them because they won't be able to see other people's strategies.
Teej and the Airhorn. How I would like to write a novel with that title. Anyhow: he sounds it. It looks really hard, and Kim nearly freaks out over the heights, but they figure it out, helping each other to climb the rungs as they get further apart. Dunbar and Paula go , Paula is nervous. They're on the rungs, Paula is stepping all over Dunbar to hoist herself up onto the rungs. Dunbar interviews that Paula is not a strong competitor. They get to the top and Paula exclaims, "Dunbar, I'm in love with you!" Geez. Somehow Paula is managing to combine the absurdist hatefulness of Spencer Pratt with the clinginess of Heidi Montag into one insane ball of psychic issues.
Aneesa and MJ get disqualified for taking too long. Wonder whose fault that was. Easy somehow thinks that he can ROLL his way up the ladder. It doesn't work too well. At some point, he straddles a rung and exclaims that he thinks that he just crushed a nut. He sort of looks contemplative. Jenn asks if he's okay. He nods his head, "Yeah. I think I crushed a nut." You know, he's Big Easy. He does what he does. He loves Challenges, and he loves havin' fun. They get disqualified. Evan and Diem, Diem again freaking out.
Commercials. Evan interviews about how he got this crying baby all the way to the top of the ladder. Shot of Diem literally clinging to Evan like they're riding a motorcycle, except they're straddling a rung hundreds of feet in the air. Brad and Tori go and do great, powered by their love. MJ interviews he can't imagine anyone doing better than them. Landon and Brittini go and kick even more ass, because Landon was helped along by those angel wings sprouting out of his ass. Mark and Rachel are extremely ungraceful and set to overly enunciative music in trying to beat Landon and Brittini's time.
Teej turns away from his spliff to tell the players that he loved this Challenge. In a perfect monotone: "That was one of my all-time favorites, fer sure." Landon and Brittini win.
Back at the house, Landon and Brittini don't want to make these lists anymore. So they decide they won't. Later that night Paula lurks around outside noticing Dunbar out in the woods. Dunbar does a ridiculous dance across the patio and then Kimberly follows him. Paula is wearing Six Flags Old Guy eyeglasses. She says she's going to call Dunbar's girlfriend, Julie. Inside, Kimberly insists nothing happened. She interviews that they kissed. Paula interviews that it's in her interest now to get rid of Kimberly; she's distracting Dunbar.
Commercials. Paranoia time. Big Easy is worried. Brad interviews and furrows. Brad, please never get Botox.
MJ and Mark send Paula in to investigate what's going on in the other room. It's Kim and Dunbar under some covers together. Kimberly interviews that she just likes snuggling with a big man because it makes her feel comforted. Just like Daddy? Sheesh, you Southerners. Paula interviews that "hell no" she's not jealous of Dunbar and Kimberly. Then cut to a shot of her in the bathroom crying about them snuggling.
Kickball Team time. We end up with Dunbar and Paula, Kimberly and Derek. Dunbar gets picked, so Derek's going into the Duel. Derek respects the natural order, realizing that some of these people have done six or seven Challenges, and this is only his second and he has to pay his dues. Well, it's good to know that at least SOME of today's youth have their heads on straight! Now it's Dunbar's turn to pick, and he can't decide between Kimberly, who is his only "friend" in the house, and Paula, who is his partner, but is really mean to him. Paula says that she can't believe he's hesitating and that if he picks Kim, she's literally going to freak out and kill him. The suspense is too great. Will it turn out that Paula has used the word "literally" correctly?
Commercials. Dunbar picks Paula. Now we'll never know if Paula literally understands the literal meaning of "literally." Derek picks Big Easy to go against. Kimberly picks Jenn.
Various convos back at the house. Landon tries to advise Big Easy. Big Easy is like "Dude, did you not HEAR my ontological statement? I'm Big Easy, I do what I want to do." Rachel will be sad if her girl Jenn leaves. Dunbar tells Kimberly to get mad. He wants her to "get grrrr." Kim does a sad little "grrr."
Boy's Duel. They're doing the thing where they have to climb a pole on opposite sides, able to knock one another off. So Big Easy's strategy is to basically just shoulder-check Derek off the pole repeatedly. Every time Derek gets on, Eric knocks him off. Finally, Derek knocks Eric off a bit and tries to quickly shimmy up the pole. Derek interviews that he can't lose to Big Easy in this Duel: "It'd be the worst athletic mistake of my life." Wow. I'd like to hear about other folks' "worst athletic mistakes." What would mine be? When I tried out that weird machine at the gym the other day and it was making my legs do this crazy motion and I couldn't get the hang of it and sort of fell off? Contemplate your own while we go to commercials.
After commercials, they're at a standstill, because they're both on the ground unwilling to start climbing because the other will knock him off. Finally, Derek gets up on that pole and starts shimmying up. Eric stays below and starts trying to grab at his ankles. It's like the Mouth of Sarlaac. On the sidelines, Kimberly is going nuts cheering Derek on. Brittini interviews that she's like a psychotic soccer mom. Derek quickly gets to the top and now I guess Big Easy has to revise his ontological statement. "I'm Big Easy, I do what I wanna do. I love doing BLANK and I love to have fun." (Can you guys tell that I love that line?)
Sad times! Big E is going away. Landon has some sweet words to say. "He's an even bigger presence than [pause] he is physically." It's like he knew he couldn't say anything else once he said "bigger presence" but also he knew that probably he shouldn't.
Girl's duel. They're doing that Push It challenge where they just try to knock one another off a platform. MJ wants Kim to stay. She's positive and fun to be around, whereas Jenn has a lot of "rough, tough, 'don't know whether I'm a lesbian or straight' energy going on." Cram it, Nebraska. If there's one thing these Challenges teach us it's that there's no energy like sublimated sexual identity energy (see: Landon, Bananas). Kim interviews that she just needs to find something to get pissed off about and then push her off. I guess a sorority girl like Kim is actually not someone you want to go against in a bitchslappy challenge like this one. There's a lot of pent-up grosgrain rage there.
Commercials. They lay into each other, and Jenn pretty much knocks her right off. Paula interviews that Kim looks terrified. They go again, and after a little more scrambling, Jenn wins. Isn't it sad when you get a brief audio of one of those wins? The person who just got all amped up and rageful and won sort of whoops, but it always sounds all small and quiet because nobody really cares or is doing much cheering on the sidelines. Rachel interviews that Jenn just "manhandled" Kimberly. Rachel is clearly turned on by this. And, let's face it, so am I, a little.
Dunbar is sad. Everyone laughs. It's like his 11th birthday party all over again. Brittini interviews about how weird it is that he's so heartbroken, since he and Kimberly have only gotten close the past few days. Haaaa!
day, Derek talks with Paula about how he's realizing that he's going to have to go into the Duel every single time unless he wins the Challenges. Dunbar tells Paula, who is lying in bed, that if she doesn't start being a better friend, he's not going to talk to her. She laughs at him. There is something SO creepy about Dunbar's "be my friend" thing. He gets angry, says he wants to punch a pillow, but then shouts that he's going to GO WRITE. His anger management counselor would be so proud. Outside, he writes in his journal and feels lonely.
week: is Evan going to die in a wedgie machine?
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which challenger vlogger Sean Crespo thinks is crying for help in No Prior Knowledge.