Previously on The Real World: Robin started dating Mike the Marine. Robin also repeatedly got out of control when she got drunk, which led to her arrest.
Robin and Mike snuggle on the patio, surrounded by an extremely romantic tableau: about forty-five empty plastic cups, each probably containing one inch of beer and approximately four or five cigarette butts. Mmm! That really sets the mood. Robin interviews that she likes how Mike makes her feel, and that she is ready to try a serious relationship. She quickly adds that she's not looking to get married, but that she's ready for a committed relationship. Mike says he has to get going, and Robin walks him out.
Robin interviews that she and Mike haven't gone further than kissing. Robin goes to the font of all sexual wisdom, Randy, to discuss the issue. Hee! I hope he brings up Bazooka Joe. Randy says that he's always surprised when sex happens for the first time, because it's never when you thought it would be. He adds that you have to be careful not to wait too long, because that puts too much pressure on the situation. Robin interviews that Randy's suggestion is stupid, and that she wants her first time with Mike to be on her own time. But Randy didn't give her a specific amount of time to wait! He just said "not too long" -- maybe he meant, "Don't wait fifteen years."
Randy asks whether Robin has seen Mike get mad. She says she's seen him have an attitude. Randy wonders if she's seen him get really mad, because he senses that Mike has a huge temper. Brad butts in and says that Mike is "a scrapper." Robin acts like that's all totally fine with her, and giggles, "Besides, I can hold my own with a Marine." Ha ha! Remember when she assaulted someone and got arrested? Good times.
Some of Randy's friends from Boston come to visit -- Jamie (a chick), Shawn, and Nick. Brad shows off his snake. No, not that one. The animal he has draped around his neck. I just realize that's why Brad got a snake. He loves to show off his penis, but that's not socially acceptable (which hasn't stopped him from doing it in the past), so he got a snake as a penis substitute. So what's Frankie's excuse? Randy shows off his room, and his friends appear disgusted and amused. Randy interviews that he used to work with Jessica, and that he's always been attracted to her.
Mike shows up at the house, and Brad greets him. Brad interviews that he likes Mike a lot, and that he thinks he's good for Robin, because he's so laid-back. Brad says something about Greece having been nutty, and how he still has jet lag. Robin insists that she's fine, and shows Mike the shot glasses that she bought in Greece. They start doing shots of Jack Daniels. Randy's friends join them, and they all start drinking. Jacquese interviews that it's nice to see Robin and Mike in love, but that it's almost sickening. I don't know why Jacquese is pretending he doesn't love to watch people getting it on. Oh, wait. He only likes to watch his male roommates doing that. Jacquese adds that Mike doesn't know Robin that well, and has no idea what he's getting himself into.
Everyone hops into cabs and heads for the clubs. Brad dances horribly. Robin does another shot. Randy and Jessica get closer on the dance floor. Robin mumbles something to Mike about having sex, and then drunkenly rambles in his ear about her heart and her soul and something else. Robin interviews that it feels like she and Mike have been together forever, but that it's only been about six weeks.
Outside the club, Robin has a cigarette and tells Mike that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him, and that she wants him to be the father of her children. Whoa! After six weeks? I guess I shouldn't talk. I knew after dating my now husband for six weeks that I wanted to get married. And then we waited eight more years. Mike asks Robin if she realizes what she just said, and she does. Mike asks Robin to marry him, and she says okay. Mike realizes that they are both drunk, so the discussion ends there. They head back inside the club, and Robin says she wants to do more shots. Mike says he doesn't need any more.
Robin interviews that before she came to San Diego, she worked as a bartender, and that part of her job was to do shots and get drunk. Really? Is that in her job description? Because most bartenders I know wouldn't do more than one shot per shift. Getting hammered makes it difficult to pour drinks and count money and stuff. Robin does two more shots and starts dancing around. Robin says that she needs to go home, and Mike agrees.
Outside the club, Robin starts yelling obnoxiously and flipping people the bird. Mike tries to shush her. Brad interviews that Robin started showing her wild side. Robin starts yelling at some people, and Mike tells her to chill out. Cameran asks Mike to get control of Robin, and Mike says he's trying. Randy interviews that Mike hasn't seen the destructive side of Robin like the rest of them have. Robin starts clapping and does a cheer that goes, "Andy Griffith! Red-headed bitch!" I don't know. That was hilarious, though. Robin continues yelling at various people, and Randy's poor friends try to corral her.
Mike asks whether this is how Robin always is, and then starts walking away. Robin starts running after him and begs him not to leave her. She catches up to him and grabs his arm, but he pulls it away. Ah, drunken drama. It never fails that, at closing time, you will see at least one couple in a fight like this. Robin tries to run after Mike, but she's wearing incredibly high heels and can't move very quickly. She begs Mike not to make her look like an ass, and Mike says she's the one making herself look like an ass. I don't think I've described Robin's outfit yet. She's wearing a scoop-necked floral top with an inverted V cut into the hem, so that her belly hangs out. And then the part of the shirt that actually meets in the front, over her boobs, has a pink ribbon lacing it together. It's about the ugliest thing I've ever seen. And then she has on super low-rise jeans. This is the outfit we will all laugh at when we watch I Love the 2000s on VH1. Well, most of us are laughing now. Super low-rise jeans are the genie pants of this decade. Anyway, Robin starts sobbing and crouches down on the sidewalk. She moves into a sitting position as Mike walks away.
Back at the house, everyone else wonders what happened to Mike and Robin. Randy explains that they were leaving in a cab, and that they yelled to Mike and Robin to meet them at home. Randy interviews that he saw Mike and Robin fighting and figured that they were still working that out. Brad explains to Randy's friend that Robin is a different person when she's wasted. Brad sounds pretty wasted himself. Randy interviews that drinking causes a different aspect of Robin's personality to come out, and that it's a mess. We see footage of Robin yelling at someone and slapping herself on the ass. Brad yells that it's hot tub time and everybody's invited.
So off to the hot tub we go! It looks like it's Randy, Randy's friends, Brad, and Jamie. Jamie interviews that Jessica is one of the coolest girls Randy has brought home, and that Jamie approves. Randy and Jessica cuddle up in the hot tub. Randy interviews that he's been attracted to Jessica for a while, so it's nice to be together with her. Jamie asks, "Dude, where's Robin, yo?" She is very tiresome with the constant slang. Randy tells Jamie to relax, because they're all adults and have to take responsibility for their own actions. Thank you, Randy! Jamie protests that Robin acts like she's fourteen, and Randy says that Robin is older than Jamie, and that Jamie doesn't have to be house mom just because she's a responsible person. I like Randy more and more. If he would just work on that "ignore it and it will go away" philosophy of relationships, I think Big Rand and I could hang out.
Robin gets into a cab and sobs. They keep cutting in shots of blurry traffic and the meter on the cab, which makes me think they are either going to get into an accident, or Robin won't have enough money to pay the driver. Or both. Robin interviews that when she drinks, she can't control her emotions or the things she says. But she can control the amount she drinks, right? Because if she can't, then maybe she needs to look into treatment.
Robin and her giant boobs arrive at the house, where Mike is heading for his car. Robin shuffles over and gets into the passenger seat. Mike calmly asks her to get out, and Robin refuses. Mike asks her again, and says that he's done with her. Robin asks what she did. Mike asks if she knows who she is, and tells her to look in the mirror. He wonders how she gets to drunk and out of control. Robin remains in the car. Mike says that he has to go. Robin keeps crying, but she stays in the car while Mike drives off.
Randy and his friends decide to set up a tent in the volleyball court outside he house, which I have never seen anyone use. They get the tent set up and grab some sleeping bags. Man, they have a lot of gear at this house. Randy and his friends get all set up in the tent. Randy and Jessica share a sleeping bag, and it looks like there are activities happening within.
The morning (or actually afternoon), Jamie hops into bed with Cameran to wake her up, and says that Robin isn't back yet. Dude, she's with her boyfriend! If you haven't heard from her by dinnertime, then maybe it's time to worry. Or, in this situation, let Production worry about it. In other words, get a life, Jamie. Cameran is shocked that Robin didn't come home. Jamie interviews that Robin hasn't tried to call them at all. Jamie calls Robin's pager and leaves a message to say that she's concerned. Jacquese gets the scoop. Cameran interviews that nobody knows where Robin and Mike are. You'd think they'd be happy to avoid the drama for a while. Also, where in the hell is Frankie? Not that I care, but it's weird that she hasn't even appeared in the background of this episode.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a movie called Why My Daughter?. It's about the girl named Diana, played by Jamie Luner, and her parents get divorced. So, of course, she falls prey to an unscrupulous character played by Jagger from General Hospital who convinces her to run away from home and become a stripper. Of course. So don't get divorced, parents, or your daughter will become a stripper! But it gets worse. Her mom decides to go looking for Diana, and she walks into the strip club at the exact moment that Diana is on stage! What a coincidence! So then Diana makes the natural progression and becomes a whore, and the first time she has a trick, guess what she does? Celebrates with a steak dinner? Spends the money on diamonds and furs? No! She takes a shower and sobs because she can't wash away her shame! Come on. Are you new? So after a while, Diana can't take the whoring anymore, so she goes home with her mom, but can you guess what happens ? That's right. Diana meets back up with Jagger and goes back into prostitution, and they run away to San Diego. So Diana's mom goes looking for her, and in Jagger's old apartment, she finds a newspaper, with an article about San Diego circled! How helpful of Jagger to leave Diana's mom a clue like that! So then Diana turns up dead, and the rest of the movie involves Diana's mom trying to prove that Jagger murdered Diana, which she does, with the help of a detective played by Jim Walsh from . But really, once the whore part is over, the movie is pretty boring. But the whoring and the stripping were awesome.
Frankie strolls down the street with her female roommates while "Pimp Juice" plays. I don't want to contemplate exactly what pimp juice is, and I especially don't know why anyone would buy a beverage by that name. And isn't the whole "pimp" thing over by now? I seem to recall Matt from New Orleans using that phrase a lot, and that was six seasons ago. In the club, Randy dances with Jessica. Jacquese interviews that Randy has pimp juice. Bleh. Randy and Jessica leave, and fondle each other in the parking lot. Randy hails a cab. Randy interviews that he never realized how much he misses having a girlfriend.
The other roommates leave the club. Brad comments that Randy fell in love. Robin scoffs that it's just for the night, but one of the other guys says that it's been two days. Robin points out that it's Randy's longest relationship, and wonders if "they going [sic] to hit it." One of Randy's friends says that they've probably hitting it right now.
Back at the house, Randy and Jessica are hitting it.
Randy interviews that he feels like Jessica is his girlfriend, and that "it's kind of like a life raft for me." I don't know what that means.
The morning, Randy's friends say goodbye to all of the roommates, who honestly seem sad to see them go. Jessica gives Randy some kisses, and Randy goes back to sleep. Randy interviews that he and Jessica have a lot in common and that it was nice to comfort each other. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Mike and Robin have a talk. Robin says that she's not a drama queen, and Mike says that she is. Robin asks for the definition of "drama queen," and Mike answers, "Robin." Hee! Point for Mike. Mike reminds her that she was yelling at people for no reason. Robin says she knows that she drinks too much. Robin interviews that she knows she can overdo it with the drinking, and that she doesn't want to reach that point again. Robin asks Mike how to fix it, and Mike tells her to stop drinking. Mike promises to stop if she stops, and then adds that he'll only stop on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Robin laughs and says those are the days they can see each other. Robin interviews that Mike is a good influence on her, and that she's thankful that he's in her life.
Some other night, Robin and Mike decide to go in the tent. Jamie asks where they went, and Brad says that they're in the tent. Brad suggests that they "creep on them." Jamie, of course, is all over that idea. I'm surprised Jacquese isn't already out there. Brad and Jamie sneak outside. Jamie totally ruins the spying thing by unzipping the tent and looking inside. Jamie and Brad run back inside as Robin yells at them. And then there's an emergency alert system test, so I don't know what happened , but it couldn't have been that interesting, right?