Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante. Adam walks into the house with two women, one of whom is named Lamyae. She's blonde and tall. The other one kind of looks like Amélie, and she's totally staring at the camera as they walk in, but we never do learn what her name is. I think her name is "Friend That Lamyae Brought Along in Case Adam Totally Sucked and They Needed an Excuse to Bail." Adam introduces Christina to Lamyae, and suddenly there's another blonde woman there that I totally didn't see before. They're multiplying! In a confessional, Christina says that Adam is "a pimp" and that "he brings new girls in here all the time." Still not getting Adam's attractiveness.
Montage of Adam and Lamyae rubbing up on each other. In one scene, Lamyae is lying on Adam's lap in a club, and he's scrunching her belly with his hand. I imagine he's pretending to make her belly button talk, like in that episode of Seinfeld. Heeeelllllllooooo! Then there are a bunch of shots of Adam and Lamyae kissing. Ew! Adam interviews that Lamyae is German, and that she speaks French and German, but that she doesn't speak English that well. The nerve! God forbid that Adam should learn a few phrases in French, seeing as how he's in France and all.
Adam, Lamyae, and Ace (Hi, Ace!) pile into a cab. Ace asks Lamyae what she's studying. She says that she's studying tourism. Ace and Adam crack up. What's wrong with studying tourism? Besides the fact that the travel industry is suffering a bit because of the ubiquity of online booking and all. But it's a legitimate major. Sorry, Mr. "Grandma Bought Me a Bar" and Mr. "Living Off My Father's Royalty Checks." Ace jokes that Lamyae will probably make about ten dollars a year. Man, I thought I missed Ace, but now that he's back, I kind of wish he would go away again.
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante et Un. They're still in the cab, so I'm not sure why there was a cut to the Eiffel Tower in there. Lamyae says that she wants to open a travel agency. Adam says that he'll use Lamyae's travel agency. Ace interviews that he doesn't know what's going on with Lamyae and Adam, so he stays out of it. Adam starts telling Lamyae that she's lucky he doesn't bite her face, and starts kissing her cheek. Lamyae thinks this is sweet, but I don't get why someone threatening to bite your face is endearing. It's all very Hannibal Lecter.
Back at the house, Adam and Lamyae get ready for bed. Adam interviews that he feels like he and Lamyae are getting closer to a relationship. Adam gets into bed and says, "She's so hot, I just want to take her clothes off." Who is he talking about? Lamyae is right there. Why wouldn't he say, "You're so hot. I just want to take your clothes off." I'm so confused. Adam hugs Lamyae and pulls the covers over their heads. Lamyae giggles, "Clothes off? Never!" Adam goes, "Never?" and stops kissing her. Yeah, if she won't get naked, just dump her ass right now! Adam interviews that he needs a really good physical relationship. They continue making out, and Lamyae keeps saying, "No, no, no!" but she's laughing, so I guess she's kidding around. When I saw the previews for this episode, I kind of thought she was going to accuse Adam of acquaintance rape or something.
Brice leads a meeting at the office. He tells the roommates that they are going to review five hotels. Four will be budget hotels. All seven of them need to make a reservation and stay in the fifth hotel. Christina interviews that she's "totally down with" staying in a hotel, and that she thinks the assignment will be "a cakewalk."
The roommates arrive at one of the budget hotels. Brice explains that they will look at two or three rooms. Adam asks if they should normally ask to see two or three rooms when reviewing hotels. David explains that they should, so that they can recommend specific rooms for travelers to stay in. Simon interviews that going to a hotel and looking around gives you a feel for the place. The roommates look around the hotel. Leah compliments the terrace, but Adam thinks it's "an unnecessary luxury." Leah is excited that when they all stay in a hotel, they will get to sleep in real beds instead of futons. They sleep on futons? I guess the futons are up on platforms. I was wondering why they were so high off the ground. Brice is surprised that they sleep on futons. Leah asks why he hasn't been to their house, and Brice says he was waiting to be invited, and that he would love to see it. Leah interviews that they are inviting David and Brice over for dinner to say thanks.
Ace and Adam play pool. Ace asks if there's anything to do besides play pool. I don't know. You're only in Paris. I'm sure there might be a few things that you haven't seen. If by "a few things," you mean "practically everything." Adam invites Ace to go to dinner with him and Lamyae, and Ace says he doesn't really want to go. Heh. Adam says that he's going to fall for Lamyae. Ace advises Adam just to have fun and hang out. Adam says that they talked about it and agreed to see other people. Adam says that he and Lamyae aren't sleeping together, but if they were, Adam wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else. In a confessional, Adam says that his frustration might come from the fact that they don't have a physical relationship. Dude, she doesn't like you. She's only there for the cameras. I'm not saying that people have to have sex right away, but if she hasn't brought up any religious or moral reasons why she won't sleep with Adam, it's probably because she's not attracted to him, but she wants him to keep calling. In my experience, anyway.
Adam dances with Lamyae at a club. Lamyae tells him that she's been thinking about them, and that she thinks he just wants to have fun and not a relationship. Except her English is a lot more broken, but that's the gist. Adam says that they're young and they should have fun, and that he doesn't want a girlfriend in Paris, because he won't be there long. He adds that he likes her very much. Lamyae seems to agree. Adam interviews that neither of them wants a commitment. Outside the club, Adam and Lamyae kiss and hug. Adam says goodbye to Lamyae's friend Othman, and then Lamyae and Othman leave. Adam walks off alone.
The day, Adam calls some girl named Ashley and asks if she's going out tonight. Ashley doesn't know. Adam suggests that they meet up for a drink, and Ashley agrees. In a confessional, Adam says he's not sure how he feels about Lamyae, so he's going to hang out with some other girls to get some perspective. Adam goes out. They show a couple making out on the street that I totally thought was Ace and Mallory. The guy looked so much like Ace. Suddenly, Ashley and Adam are back at the house. In a confessional, Adam says that Ashley is from California, and that she's cute. Ashley and Adam head up to his room. Adam makes the bed, and then they just start making out. Well, that was quick. Adam pushes Ashley down on the bed, and then pulls the duvet over them. Then there's some moaning and I'm totally grossed out. Plus, all the lights are on. I can't imagine having sex with Adam (ew!) but if I absolutely had to, I'd at least want to do it in the dark.
The morning, Adam escorts Ashley to the train station. She says that he doesn't have to wait with her. In other words, he should get lost. Adam voice-overs that hooking up with Ashley was "a last-ditch effort" to convince himself that he's not in a relationship. Ashley's train arrives, and she can't get on it fast enough. Adam hugs her and then says that he'll email her when he gets back to California. He tries to make tentative plans to visit her in Santa Barbara, but she is totally uninterested. Ashley laughs and says, "We'll figure it out." She thanks her lucky stars that the train is pulling away. In a confessional, Adam says that he's not over Lamyae. "Over" her? Did they even break up? And if so, wasn't it a few days ago, at most?
Back at the house, Adam calls Lamyae. He says that he has to go to a hotel, but that he'd like to see her before he goes. In a confessional, Adam says that he vacillates between wanting to be with Lamyae and not wanting to be with her, and that she can tell. So don't be with her. It doesn't seem like they have a great time together, they have no physical relationship, they live in different continents -- what's the appeal? Lamyae says that she'll see him that night. Adam agrees and hangs up.
Eiffel Tower Shot Cinquante-Deux. The roommates go to their hotel. Christina interviews that the assignment was for them all to stay in one hotel. They check in. CT suggests that Christina lie on one side of him and Mallory on the other to create a sandwich. The girls laugh at him. Adam lets Lamyae into his room. He asks if she wants to sleep or go play Monopoly. She wants to sleep. Adam leaves the door to the balcony open because it's hot. Adam goes to see what the other roommates are doing. They're just lying around, as usual. Adam says that Lamyae is sleeping, and that he's not physically tired, but that he's mentally drained. Adam tells everyone that he hooked up with Ashley the night before, and that he thinks he should be happy about it, but he's not. He says that he told Lamyae about it. Christina covers her mouth, like, "Oh, shit! He told her?" Adam says that Lamyae didn't get mad, and that it made him want her even more. Adam needs serious counseling.
In a confessional, Adam says that Lamyae didn't really understand the first time he told her that he hooked up with Ashley. Adam and Lamyae have a conversation in their room, but all we see is the closed door. Adam tries to explain what happened with Ashley. Lamyae says that if she knew about it, she never would have come to the hotel, and that she can't believe he would hook up with someone else so quickly. Adam interviews that he would never lie to a girl about seeing other people. Lamyae says that she and Adam were on a break, so he can do what he wants. Okay, Ross Gellar. Adam has nothing to say.
Adam talks to his roommates on the train. He tells them that Lamyae didn't understand what he was saying when he first told her about Ashley. Ace laughs and remembers how Adam thought Lamyae was so agreeable. Adam says he didn't realize that Lamyae was breaking up with him. So what did he think was happening? And again, I can't understand why he's putting himself through this much misery for a woman he barely knows and isn't sure he likes. Ace asks what Lamyae said when she figured out that Adam hooked up with someone else. Adam says that Lamyae couldn't believe how easy it was for him to hook up with someone else. The roommates laugh. Christina assures Adam that he did nothing wrong, and then they all laugh again at how Adam thought she was easygoing, when really she didn't understand what he was saying.
Back at the house, Leah and Mallory discuss the menu for the dinner with Brice and David. Mallory interviews that it's fun to plan the dinner. They plan for twelve people, although I'm not sure where that number came from. Leah is worried that they don't have wine or champagne glasses. Whatever. Just use regular glasses for the wine. Who's going to judge you? Leah interviews that it's a lot of work to put on a dinner. It is a lot of work. Just imagine that some people do it while also holding down a full-time job and having other obligations as well! Leah says that a lot of the markets are closed on Sunday, so they have to do all of their food shopping today.
Leah, Mallory, and Christina go food shopping. They pick out some lettuce at an open-air market. Christina tries to pick up a lobster and then freaks out when she realizes that it's still alive. Christina interviews that she's really looking forward to having guests to their house. The ladies walk home, carrying their groceries. All I see them carrying are flowers and bread. That's quite a menu.
CT talks to Lamyae on the phone, for some reason. Lamyae asks what time the dinner starts. CT asks her to wait a minute. He puts down the phone and yells to ask Adam why Lamyae is asking him what time the dinner starts. Adam doesn't know. CT says he saw Lamyae yesterday and told her about the dinner. So maybe that's why she's asking you? Adam tries to explain to Lamyae that CT was confused. She's not giving him a break, and insists that she should come to the dinner. Why does she want to come? This episode is so confusing. In a confessional, Adam says that CT apparently invited Lamyae to the dinner, and that he can't believe CT didn't run it by him. Lamyae says she doesn't understand what's happening. Adam says it's difficult because they don't have enough food. Adam asks Christina if they have enough food. She says she's only cooking for twelve people. Yeah, bread and flowers only stretch so far. Lamyae says she thinks Adam has changed. Adam sighs dramatically. Just tell her she can't come! In a few weeks, you're never going to see her again. Who cares? Adam voice-overs that he wants to see Lamyae, but not right now. Lamyae thinks that Adam doesn't enjoy her company. Adam denies it. Lamyae keeps babbling about something and Adam silently curses. What is he getting so upset about? I have so many questions.
And now it's time for the Most Awesome Thing I Saw On TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was actually a movie, but it was on HBO, so I guess it counts. It was the film adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis's novel, The Rules of Attraction. Let me just say straight off that the movie is terrible. I'm not sure how it happened, but Roger Avary managed to take a film that was filled with sex and drugs and still make it boring. Anyway, it's awesome because it stars Dawson! And he does bad, bad things. So instead of listing the plot, which is stupid, I'm just going to tell you all the awesome things you can see Dawson do if you watch this movie. I highly suggest recording it, and then just fast-forwarding to the Dawson scenes. Dawson drinks whiskey straight from the bottle! Dawson has sex! Dawson drives a motorcycle! Dawson looks angry! Dawson sells drugs! Dawson hangs out in his underwear and adjusts his package! Dawson takes a shit! Dawson picks his nose! Dawson says, "Rock and roll!" And he says it on two separate occasions. Dawson kisses a boy! Dawson masturbates while listening to "Afternoon Delight"! Dawson has sex with Mary Camden while 'shrooming! And then later, Dawson punches Mary Camden right in the nose! So all of that was awesome.
Adam is still on the phone with Lamyae. Adam tries to say that it's not his party. Lamyae thinks it's CT's party. Adam says that he won't be able to talk to her at the party, and that he's going to go to bed. He tells her that she can come talk to everyone else, but that he won't be around. Dude, just tell her not to come! Say it's work-related. This is so annoying. Lamyae is all happy and giggling, and asks what time she should come. Adam affects a mock-French accent while he tells her to come around 10:00 PM.
Leah says that they should just throw the cherry tomatoes on top of the salad instead of cutting them. Mallory agrees. Christina lists the food on the menu. They have a salad, gnocchi, summer pasta, and various wines. Is there any protein on the menu? Maybe Brice is a vegetarian. Ace walks into the kitchen and asks why the women are getting all stressed out. Fuck off, Ace. Leah says that they've been cleaning, cooking, and shopping for the last two days, with no help. Ace says he can't help them cook, unless they want grilled cheese sandwiches. Mallory interviews that she's glad they had at least one night where they took full advantage of the house.
Brice and David arrive. Brice catches sight of the house, and says that he's not paying them week. Christina interviews that they're having the boss over for dinner, and that she thinks it's the right thing to do. David gives them a bottle of wine. Brice takes a tour of the house. He asks if they did a lot of cleaning, and they say that they did. Brice takes pictures of the roommates. Someone busts out champagne. Brice says that he was in the office looking at things, and that he found a piece of paper. Leah gasps. Brice unfolds it and reveals that it says, "Brice is salty today!" Apparently, Christina wrote it down one day while they were on a conference call with Brice, for her roommates to see. That's hilarious. Brice asks what day it was, and apologizes for being salty. They all toast.
The roommates serve the food buffet-style. One plate holds the limpest asparagus stalks I've ever seen, and there are, like, ten of them total for twelve people. They all sit in a room I've never seen before, and eat. CT interviews that inviting David and Brice over for dinner was a nice gesture, and that the girls really went out of their way. Brice makes a toast to the hostesses for doing such a great job.
Lamyae and a friend (Islane, not that it matters) arrive at the house. Adam goes out and greets them, even though he totally wants them out of there. Adam uses his weird French-accented English to explain that it's difficult for him to make plans ahead of time. Lamyae keeps calling him a jerk and laughing. Adam says, "I'll jerk you, you dumb girl," and then kisses her cheek. Lamyae is, like, three inches taller than Adam. Lamyae and Islane talk to each other in French. Adam asks what they are saying. Lamyae tells Islane that Adam is a liar and a crazy man. Adam starts to retort, but then stops himself. Lamyae adds that Adam follows Ace around like a dog. Glad to know I'm not the only one who noticed that. Although, if I were Adam, I would tell Lamyae and Islane to turn around and go home, because if they came over to insult me, they can just leave right now. Adam says it's not funny. Lamyae says she thinks it's true. Lamyae tries to tell Adam that she's joking. Adam says she said that she wasn't. Lamyae snuggles up to Adam and tries to make up, but Adam isn't having it. Lamyae starts to say something else, and giggles, and then changes her mind. In a confessional, Adam says that Lamyae and Islane were picking on him, and that he didn't want to talk anyone or do anything, so he just went to sleep.
Adam and the girls arrive at the house. Adam asks Cyril, Chris's friend, to introduce the girls to everyone. Who in the hell is Cyril, and where did he come from? And how does he know everyone well enough to introduce them in Adam's place? Adam scoots upstairs. CT greets the ladies at the door. Adam lies in his bed and pretends to sleep. Lamyae goes and finds Mallory and Leah, who are happy to see her. They are going out to a club.
Adam is still in bed. The roommates start gathering outside the house. CT asks if Adam is going with them. Lamyae says she doesn't know. CT interviews that they are going into Paris to find some bars. Lamyae and Islane go up to Adam's room and ask if he's going with them. Adam says that he's too tired. Lamyae and Islane take off. I think he wanted them to beg him to come along. Then there's a black and white montage of the best of Adam and Lamyae, which doesn't last very long, since we first saw her about twenty-five minutes ago. In a confessional, Adam says he wishes that he'd met Lamyae at a different time, when he was more ready for a relationship. Or in some alternate universe, where she actually liked him.
week: The roommates go to a strip club. Mallory is disgusted. Ace thinks she's jealous.