Previously on The Real World: Chris told Leah that he sent in their assignment on time. Leah doubted it, so she tattled to Brice and found out that while the assignment got in on time, there weren't enough tips and finds. Leah was delighted to catch Chris in a lie. Leah and Christina yelled at Chris.
Just a tip (not a find): There will be no Most Awesome Thing in this recap because I was out of town this week and didn't watch that much TV. Sadly. I was going to use the E! True Hollywood Story about The Real World, but it totally blew. Rest assured that I have no less than three Lifetime Movie Network movies saved on my DVR right now, so I'm sure the segment will return week.
Eiffel Tower Shot Vingt-Huit. The roommates are at the office. Ace interviews that everyone is pissed at Chris because they're not getting the bonus. Leah calls Brice on speakerphone. David -- that vaguely Art Garfunkel looking dude who is supposed to be the roommates' Paris publisher connection -- is also at the meeting. Brice tells everyone that the assignment was incomplete, so they won't get their bonuses. They will, however, get their salaries. Bullshit. I know I say it every time, but I seriously do not get how doing your work and handing it in on time merits a bonus. Handing it in early? Bonus. Doing more than what was assigned? Bonus. But doing your job as outlined? No bonus. Brice says it's unfortunate that they couldn't work together as a team. Mallory interviews that they knew what had to be done, and it didn't happen, and "some of us are just really kind of stuck on how much it sucks that we didn't get the full bonus." And by "some of us," she clearly means "Leah and Simon." Simon says that he knows Brice wants them to work as a group, but that they did give Chris ten tips and ten finds. Chris explains that he was given the material two minutes before it was due, so he didn't have time to type it up. Simon's kind of a tattletale too. Like, just accept that you didn't get the bonus, and don't let Chris be the point person again and move on, instead of continuing to whine about it.
Chris says he had not only to type it in, but also to format and spell check it. Chris interviews that everyone could have done things differently, and that they need to accept responsibility as a whole. Brice says that they need to communicate and learn to work together. Leah interviews that Chris is always looking for ways to fuck with people in the house. I really don't think he is. I think he's just that clueless. David tries to say that they should learn a lesson from losing the bonus, and that he wants them to exude positive energy now. Leah says that she can't, because she's pissed that she didn't get the bonus. She bitches that she has to pay her student loans, like, then maybe she should have stayed home and gotten a real job. Chris says he's getting crucified. Leah walks away. In an interview, Leah asks why it's okay just to let someone off the hook and forgive him, and bitchfaces that forgiving to her is like letting something go, and that she can't let it go. Damn, that girl has a lot of anger inside her. The reason you just let someone off the hook is because it's not worth your time and energy to continue hating them. And also, everyone makes mistakes, and maybe if she were less concerned with keeping some sort of giant scorecard of the times she's been wronged, she could stop being such a bitch all the time.
All the roommates leave, save Chris. David talks to Chris about the roommate problems. David asks how Chris is doing living with everyone. Chris says that he's the scapegoat of the house for everything, but he tries not to get frustrated. Chris interviews that he tries to see his roommates as family, and they need to cut each other some slack. Chris wants to have lunch with David during the week, and David agrees.
Chris stops at a florist and buys some flowers. He gets on the subway and finds his roommates. He stands there like a scary stalker and just stares at everyone. Chris takes one flower and sticks it on Christina's head, telling her that there's something in her hair. Christina tells him not to play stupid jokes, and then grabs the flower. Is it really a good idea to give them flowers after the lying-about-the-tulips incident? Because this is just going to remind them of that whole débacle. Chris gives the other flower to Leah, who refuses even to look at it, so Ace holds it for her. Christina smiles and looks at her flower. Christina interviews that dealing with Chris is like dealing with a five-year-old, because while he buys her a flower to make her less mad, he doesn't realize what he did wrong in the first place. Chris puts his arm around Christina. Leah still has her head down, and refuses to look at Chris. What a baby. Leah interviews that she doesn't want the flower from him. So, what's wrong with just telling him, "Chris, I appreciate that you thought of me, but I'm really too mad to accept this right now." Or a less drama queeny version would be just to take it and thank him and then let it go.
Leah and Mallory lie in bed and talk. Leah explains about the flower thing and says that Chris brings out "these murderous impulses in [her]," and she wants to smother him in the middle of the night. This is why Leah needs to learn to forgive and forget. It would help with her anger issues, I think. Mallory interviews that Leah has a lot of negative feelings towards Chris. Leah says she doesn't believe anything that Chris says, so it's not worth even talking to him.
Mallory and Simon see Adam on the train. Simon and Mallory invite Adam to join them for a drink at a gay bar. Adam interviews that he's open to going to a gay bar because "homosexuality is not a big deal." At the bar, Adam dances on a pedestal. Mallory interviews that Adam is funny, and that they dared him to get up there and dance. Mallory thinks it's funny to see Adam pretending to be gay. Adam? Is a terrible dancer. I don't know if he's dancing goofy on purpose because he's pretending to be gay, or if he's just a bad dancer in general. But wouldn't someone pretending to be gay dance really well? I mean, isn't that the stereotype? The editors play "Shake Your Bon Bon" by Ricky Martin while Adam dances. Hee! He looks like a chicken. Adam rejoins Mallory and Simon. Some guy comes over and gives Adam his sunglasses, then gives Adam a kiss on the cheek. Simon interviews that Adam wasn't expecting it. Adam interviews that he doesn't know whether the guy likes him or not. Adam nervously asks Simon whether the glasses-giving was some sort of gay sign. Hee! Yes, much like the whole handkerchief/pocket code from the '70s, nowadays gay people communicate their interest through the giving of sunglasses. Dude, if he liked you, he would have kissed you for real, not just on the cheek. Simon assures Adam that the guy just wants him to look better. Hee! Adam interviews that he was trying to hide behind Simon and pretend that they were together to get the guy to go away. Or you could just tell him that you're straight. Or not interested. Dork.
Chris has lunch with David. Chris interviews that David has done a lot like him. Chris explains that he wants David's help with a book he's trying to write. Apparently, Chris has been writing down all of the lessons he's learned about women and wants to make it into a book to help guys understand women. I've got a tip for his book: women are just people, like you. If they act like high-maintenance drama queens, it's not because they are female. It's because they are assholes. Don't date those women. Unless you're into self-flagellation. Chris lists off some of his tips, which include that he shouldn't rub his balls in public, or brush his teeth in the kitchen sink. See, that's just common courtesy, and has nothing to do with sex. Chris also says that he takes the blame when a girl farts. Now that would piss me off. I want my credit! Chris says he thought he knew about women, but that he's learned that he doesn't. David thinks the book is about understanding the mentality of women. Chris says that's not possible because women are a different breed, so he's just trying to find out what not to do, through trial and error. Again, his problem is partly that he's uncouth and partly that the women he lives with are uptight.
Simon tells Adam about his boyfriend, Kakistos. Or Taguitos. Or Kissing Toast. Or maybe it's really Txisko (prounounced Teesh-ko). They met on New Year's Eve, and Txisko is from Spain. They only dated for three weeks before Simon left for Paris. In a confessional, Adam says he's surprised at how secure Simon is in his sexuality, and that he acts like being gay is the norm. Maybe because for him, it is? Simon says that his best friend J.P. has been hanging out with Txisko a lot, and so now his best friend knows his boyfriend better than Simon does. Simon interviews that it's not enough to have a telephone relationship, and that he needs to show Txisko how he feels.
Txisko is coming for a visit. Simon gets ready to meet him at his hotel. Ace asks if he's nervous, and manages to mispronounce Txisko's name. Simon calls Ace "Ice" and they joke about it. Leah interviews that Simon is glowing and she's jealous. Ace continues to make jokes and Simon says that his boyfriend is big and plays soccer and will beat Ace up.
Simon interviews that they're in an early stage of their relationship, so he doesn't know how he will feel about Txisko when they see each other. Simon arrives at Txisko's room, and they hug. Txisko is pretty cute, but he doesn't seem like a ball of personality. Then again, I don't think he speaks much English, os maybe that's the problem. Simon and Txisko hang out and snuggle and hug and kiss. Simon interviews that things between them are great.
Chris talks to his mom on the phone. He says that he thought he was doing well, and then he got into another fight. Chris interviews that maybe the girls feel like they are trying and he's not. Chris's mom advises him to try to get along. Chris says that he hasn't opened up to them, and that it's made things worse. Chris interviews that he feels like he should get everyone together and tell them that he's been dealing with a lot of things from home and so he hasn't been himself. I totally thought that he was making up the whole "problems at home" thing at first. I'm still not entirely convinced that he's not just making it up.
Chris talks to his roommates on the train. He says that he's got a lot of stuff going on at home that he doesn't want to burden them with. Chris interviews that his roommates think he's someone he's not and that he wants to clear that up. Chris says he's been unfair because he hasn't opened up to his roommates. Christina is just looking at Chris like, "What the fuck are you talking about, fool?" Mallory interviews that she thinks Chris is sincere, and that he doesn't want to be an outcast. Chris says that his roommates have made him a better person. Christina asks whether he minds when she's direct with him, and Chris says that his family is very blunt, so it doesn't bother him. Leah interviews that she sees some vulnerability in Chris, and it changes the way she sees him. Chris says that he knows now that he needs to wake up and take care of some issues.
The roommates walk home from the train station. Leah and Chris walk together. Chris voice-overs that, since that talk, Leah has been nicer to him. Leah asks whether Chris's brother is going to come and visit, and Chris doesn't think so. Chris interviews that he looked up to his brother when he was growing up. Chris tells Leah that his brother disappeared for ten years, and then showed up, and then disappeared again. Chris interviews that his brother was wasting his life away on drugs. Leah asks whether Chris knows where his brother is now, and Chris says he doesn't have a clue if he'll ever see his brother again.
Chris lies in bed and talks to Leah some more. Leah asks about Chris's immediate family. Chris says he's close to his parents and talks about how cool his father is. Leah interviews that she's taking time to talk to Chris to try to understand why he is the way he is. Chris says that Leah is like his ex-girlfriend Jamie because he could talk to her about anything.
Chris talks to Leah about Jamie, his ex. Chris interviews that Leah has seen some of the pictures that Jamie sent. In one such photo, Chris has his bangs pulled back and he looks so much better. Please lose the bangs, Chris. Chris says that Jamie wanted a deeper commitment than he was willing to give. Leah interviews that she's learning that Chris is sensitive and has feelings. Leah says that women don't know what guys are feeling unless they say it. She advises Chris to send Jamie a postcard instead of a teddy bear. Wow, Leah always struck me as the teddy bear type. (That's not a compliment.) Chris says he needs to write down Leah's advice. Chris shows Leah his notebook of notes on women. Leah interviews that she feels terrible about what she's said about Chris, and that she needs to accept his differences. Leah reads the notebook and thinks it's really funny. Chris looks pleased that Leah likes it. Leah pronounces it "cute." Chris interviews that he's building a relationship with Leah and he likes it. Yeah, I've heard that before.
time: Christina gets really drunk. Ace's girlfriend, Kate, comes to visit. Ace gets into a fight with someone.