Tonight on The Real World: I hate when they do "Tonight on..." instead of "Previously on..." because, hello? We're already watching the episode. Also, it seems to be admitting that just now, in the nineteenth episode, they are introducing an important storyline that might explain Arissa's bitchy behavior in the past.
Anyway, then they show us a scene that doesn't actually occur again in the episode, so I don't really understand why they pretended it was going to be a preview. Arissa calls her mother, who I'm going to call Ma-rissa. Ma-rissa bitches that she needs the money for Arissa's bed. Arissa tells her to just "let them take it." Are they repo-ing her bed? She must have bought it on a rent-to-own basis, which is such a rip-off. My former boss used to be a repo man for a rent-to-own place, and he said it was heartbreaking because he would have to go in and take people's bedroom sets and the kids would be screaming, "Mommy, don't let the man take my bed! My dresser!" Anyway. Ma-rissa wants $123 and Arissa says it might take her a while to get that money. Ma-rissa says, "Okay, goodbye," and just hangs up. Arissa stares at the phone in disbelief and then hangs up, too. She puts her head in her hands and cries. As she's walking out, Steven asks her what's wrong, and Arissa collapses into his arms, sobbing.
Arissa cries and talks to Irulan in the Smokers' Lounge. In an interview, Irulan says that whenever Arissa talks to her mother, she gets upset. Arissa dabs her eyes with a tissue and says that her mother hangs up on her every time. In an interview, Arissa cries and dabs at her eyes and says, "God forgive me if I don't love my mother, but...right now...in order for me...to get...through...this process...I cannot deal...with...my mother." What's with the pauses and the overenunciation? I guess she's trying not to break down, but it was weird. Irulan asks if it's always been like this, and Arissa nods. In an interview, Arissa says, "My mother...tells me that I cannot survive without her." Irulan hugs Arissa.
Arissa tells Alton and Steven that no one understands that her mother is "the most ill-matic drama queen." Well, if that isn't the queen calling the other queen "dramatic." Steven says he refers to such people as "toxic friends," and he makes finger quotes like he just made up the phrase "toxic friends" on the spot. Whatever, Tony Knobbins. Steven says it sucks when your family members are your toxic friends. In an interview, Steven says that if someone is continually bringing you down, you don't need that person. Steven tells Arissa that it sucks to have to keep your family at arm's length, and that he wishes he had a family that was loving and supportive. Wait, wasn't this conversation supposed to be about Arissa's situation? In an interview, Steven says that you can't pick your family members, but you can cut them off. Arissa says that if she came to Vegas with baggage, it's because her mother packed her bags. What is she, Dr. Phil all of a sudden? Alton pipes up to say that you're always going to desire family, and then repeats Steven's "toxic friends" theory, complete with finger quotes, and then tells Arissa she's a beautiful person. Does Alton ever make any sense of any kind? Seriously. Is he speaking another language? Arissa says that she always thought she didn't care what people think of her, but she's starting to discover that she does. Wow, bad idea to come on this show if you care what people think about you. Arissa says that her birthday is approaching, and she's worried that no one will remember it. If that happens, it's your friends and family that suck, not you. Alton promises that she won't be cardless, and then says that she might not get a card from the house. What? Again, no idea.
Frank tells Brynn that he doesn't think he'll ever find the kind of girl he's looking for in Vegas. So they don't have uptight, prissy, sexually unliberated virgins in Vegas? We see footage of Frank hitting on girls in various clubs as Frank voice-overs that he's found girl who were physically attractive, but not mentally. Frank says that he was seeing a girl before he came to Vegas, and he joked that she dumped him, but really they both decided it would be best to break up, and now he's missing her. In an interview, Frank says that Emily is really smart and has "lots of values and morals." And also, he gets along with her. And also she does whatever he tells her to. Oh, I might have added that last part. Frank tells Brynn that he only knew Emily for a month and a half before leaving, but that he wishes he could visit her. In an interview, Frank says that Emily is coming to visit. Frank tells Brynn that he can't wait.
Ma-rissa calls and says there are some problems. Arissa rolls her eyes and asks what's up. Ma-rissa says that someone is suing Arissa for criminal harassment. Arissa starts to explain, but Ma-rissa interrupts and then they just start yelling at each other. In an interview, Arissa says that she placed a restraining order on a neighbor, and now the neighbor has placed a restraining order in return. Arissa tells her mom that she'll give her a fax number so she can fax the order. Ma-rissa takes this to mean that Arissa doesn't believe her about the order, and refuses to do it. They start screaming at each other again. Ma-rissa says she didn't have to call and tell Arissa about it. In an interview, Arissa says that her mother is very dramatic and turned it into a big thing. I have to say that if I were being sued for anything, my mom would turn it into a big thing, too. Arissa adds that she's not concerned about this because she knows she didn't do anything. Ma-rissa continues to yell, so Arissa puts the phone down and rolls her eyes. And who's the drama queen now? They hang up.
The day? Later that day? Some other day? Who in the hell knows. Arissa gets a call, and when she hangs up, she tells her roommates that there's a warrant out for her arrest. She pretends she thinks it's funny, but she seems kind of upset. Everyone asks what the deal is. She explains the whole restraining-order thing and says there's nothing she can do because she's not at home, so she couldn't show up in court as ordered, so now there's a bench warrant out for her arrest. Dude. She seems to think the whole thing is funny, but I would be freaking out. Couldn't she have called and told someone that she was currently living in Las Vegas and couldn't make the court date or something? Steven tells her she's the first Real Worlder on the lam. She laughs and jumps around and they run over to tell everyone that she's going to "get put in the clink." Ha! Ha? I don't get why that's very funny and that whole scene had a very weird vibe.
Emily arrives. In a confessional, Frank says that he is trying not to kiss her or hold her hand. Frank goes to Emily's hotel room and they hug. In an interview, Frank says that when he saw her, all of his old feelings came rushing back. Frank and Emily hold hands as they walk around and see the sights of Vegas. Frank says that there are lots of nice places to get married. Frank voice-overs that he has "a feeling of comfort" around Emily as we see them kissing. They check out the gondolas at the Venetian while Frank explains that his mom wanted to go on them. Frank's parents came to visit? Really? In an interview, Frank says he's kissing Emily and he doesn't know why. Because she's hot and you haven't gotten laid in a while?
Arissa and some of the roommates go to see the Blue Man Group at the Luxor. In an interview, Arissa says she's having a blast right now. Back at home, Arissa gets a phone call. It's her Uncle Robert. She doesn't look happy to hear from him. He says that he's in Vegas, at a hotel across the street from her. Arissa makes a lot of shitty facial expressions to show her roommates (and the cameras) how unhappy she is. I'm sure her uncle is an asshole, but it's kind of shitty to make all those faces at the camera. Like, be a grownup and tell him you don't want to see him or just see him dutifully for an hour and have lunch, but don't be all passive-aggressive about it. Not to mention overly dramatic.
Arissa meets up with her Uncle Robert, who appears to be a Drunk Uncle, or Drunkle. I'm not saying he's drunk right now. I'm just saying that he's that Uncle who says and does inappropriate things but you only see him a few times a year so you ignore it. Arissa voice-overs that Robert is her father's brother. Arissa says she's happy. Drunkle starts to give her a lecture about her outstanding bench warrant, an area with which he seems to have some experience. He also claims that she could get extradited back to Boston. Really? It's not like she murdered someone. It's times like these that I wish I were a lawyer so I could mock Drunkle's legal advice. Arissa says she won't get arrested in Vegas because she's not doing anything wrong. Drunkle advises her to straighten up. Arissa says that this isn't affecting anyone else's life, and that it's not her fault. She pulls the trump card and asks who else in her life has had a bench warrant, and adds that she didn't flip out about it. So I'm guessing some relative also had a bench warrant. Drunkle says he's never had one. Arissa says he's about the only one. In an interview, Arissa says that her family members are concerned, but when they make mistakes, she doesn't judge them. Drunkle tells her to make a few phone calls to straighten the whole thing out, and offers his calling card if she can't afford the calls. In an interview, Arissa says she'll make some calls. Drunkle continues the lecture and tells Arissa to "get some responsibility in [her] life." Arissa keeps her mouth shut and swigs some beer.
Frank and Trishelle discuss Emily as they shower. Not in the same stall or anything. Frank says that before he came to Vegas, his relationship with Emily was going well. In an interview, Frank says that when Emily got there, he just wanted a friend, and didn't want to lead her on by being affectionate. Frank tells Trishelle that now he's just treating Emily like he used to. Trishelle protests, and Frank says it's hard not to. In an interview, Trishelle says that she thinks Frank cares about Emily and should just be with her. Frank says that he doesn't want to lead Emily on. Trishelle asks if they really kissed, and Frank says they did. Did Frank just take a shower and not get his hair wet at all? I can see not getting your hair wet when you have long hair that takes forever to dry and/or style. But Frank barely has any hair, so why not shampoo? I don't know. Frank says he's an idiot. Trishelle asks if he wants to be with Emily. Frank says he does, but that it won't happen because they live so far apart.
Frank and Emily go out to dinner. They are sitting at this banquette with a giant back that makes them look tiny. Frank comments on how dark it is in there, and Emily says that it's supposed to be romantic. Frank says he wasn't ever taught romance, so he learned it from '80s movies. Man, I find Frank so annoying. Emily laughs, though. Frank says, "I don't think you...you and I can, like, be friends but, like, not like perfect friends." Like, you think so? Emily asks if that's because they have "deep, lusty kisses." Ew, never use the word "lusty" to describe to Frank ever again. In an interview, Frank says he doesn't know if it's possible to be just friends with Emily, and that he's never been in a similar situation. Frank tells Emily that he doesn't think he could ever be happy for her if she were dating someone else. Emily says that at first, she wanted to know when Frank hooked up with other people. Frank laughs and says he thought that was weird, and that he didn't want to know when she hooked up with other people. Emily laughs and says slowly, "Well, I haven't." Emily seems like a nice person and all, but her eyebrows are way overplucked. In an interview, Frank says that the more time he spends with Emily, the more he thinks, "Wow, I really do like this girl. This girl is damn near perfect for you, Frank." Does he really call himself "Frank" when he talks to himself?
Frank and Emily walk outside and wait for a car. Emily notices all the confetti on the ground and asks what it's from. Frank thinks it might be a wedding. Emily asks if a lot of wedding happen. No, not many weddings happen in Las Vegas, really. Didn't Frank say she was supposed to be smart? Also, what's with all the talk of marriage? Are they foreshadowing that these two are going to get married or something? Frank says, "I was a pall...ring bearer in my sister's wedding." Are they drunk? Emily and Frank hold hands. Frank says it wouldn't break his heart if Emily missed her flight, and suggests that she just stay there forever. Emily looks at him. Frank says she could stay for two more months and make his life better. Emily's giant green limousine arrives. Frank and Emily kiss but look self-conscious, probably because there is a camera right in their faces. Emily gets into the green limo and takes off.
It's Arissa's birthday. Everyone wakes her up by saying happy birthday. Steven humps her and wishes her a happy birthday. In an interview, Arissa says she's never had a fuss made over her birthday before. Drunkle calls and says he wants to take Arissa downtown, and wants to set a time. In an interview, Arissa says that her family is demanding of her time, and that she can't rearrange her schedule for them if she doesn't know they are coming. So tell Drunkle that. Tell him you're busy, or you have plans, and then hang up. Arissa explains that her roommates made reservations to take her out to dinner that night, and she just found out about it. Drunkle asks if it's set in stone. Well, yeah, it is her birthday dinner. Why can't she just have lunch with Drunkle instead? In an interview, Arissa says she feels like she's stretched too thin, and dealing with her family is too much. Drunkle says he figured Arissa would want to hang out with him. Wrong, Drunkle!
And now it's time for our installment of The Most Awesome Thing I Saw on TV Last Week. The most awesome thing I saw on TV last week was a made-for-television movie called She Fought Alone. It starred Tiffani-Amber Theissen (Val from ) and Brian Austin Green (David Silver from ). Val played this unpopular girl in small-town Nebraska or Montana or Ohio or something who suddenly gets boobs, I guess, so the popular crowd wants to include her all of a sudden. David Silver is the quarterback of the football team, so he mostly drives around in cars that he restored himself and wears tank tops and shit. So the initiation ceremony to be in the popular crowd is to go to this fake prom that they hold in an abandoned barn, where they all dress up in old dresses, and then they make Val the prom queen and then they totally pour blood on her like Carrie and Val puts her finger in the blood and licks it and goes, "Mmm, raspberry" like what the hell? So now she's cool and she totally wants to do it with David Silver. But David Silver's friend Horndog likes Val and he totally comes over to her house and rapes her when no one is home. So Val wants to rat him out, but no one believes her because she's nobody and the guy is a football player. And the popular crowd is all sexually harassing her and setting things up so that she thinks they are going to forgive her, but really they are just going to wave flashlights in her face and grope her and cut all her hair off. I know. Awesome. So then she gets a lawyer and shit and eventually Horndog admits to David Silver that he totally did rape her but whatever. So then David Silver decides that he really loves Val! And he tells her! And she runs away with him! After he sexually harassed her and cut all her hair off! So that was awesome. Then there was a showdown in the weirdly deserted town square where David Silver tries to defend Val's honor and he ends up stabbing Horndog in the leg with Horndog's own knife. Then David Silver and Val decide to run away together but David Silver's mom is, like, an invalid so he can't really leave. So then Val goes to college and she comes home to visit David Silver who is living a pathetic existence working on cars and caring for his invalid mother and still wearing tank tops and then the movie just kind of ends. But it was the most awesome thing I saw last week. I have high hopes for week because I recorded movies with the following descriptions: "A teenager may be the reincarnation of a long-dead witch," "An Idaho woman is attacked by an acquaintance in Hollywood," and "Two women break out of rehab for a motorcycle road trip." So I know at least one of those will be awesome.
Back to the totally non-awesome Real World. It's still Arissa's birthday, and her roommates give her a bunch of gifts. We don't really get to see what most of them are, but one of them is a flask. In an interview, Steven says it's nice to see Arissa smiling because she's usually crying because her family sucks. At least he didn't say "toxic friends" and make finger quotes again. Arissa says that all she needs is a cigarette case and she will be sophisticated. In an interview, Alton says that Arissa deserves to be happy.
The roommates all go out to dinner. Arissa gets one more gift, which is a silver cigarette case. She stands and says that this is the best birthday she's ever had. She's wearing a fitted jacket with a men's tie but no shirt underneath and it almost works on her but not quite. In an interview, Arissa says she felt overwhelmed with attention and emotion, and that she didn't know that her roommates cared about her so much. The waiter brings Arissa a cake and everyone sings as Arissa cries. In an interview, Trishelle says that Arissa's real family is hard on her, so they all came together as a family. Man, that cake looks good. Steven puts frosting on Arissa's face and then makes a rule that everyone has to do it. So they do. In an interview, Arissa says that her roommates have taught her that she's not alone. Outside the restaurant, the roommates discuss their plans. Arissa says she has to drop some food off and call Drunkle.
Back home, Arissa calls Drunkle. Steven talks loudly and drunkenly in the background about how they don't like family members who make their roommates feel like shit. Drunkle complains that he knew Arissa would blow him off and gives her a big guilt trip. Arissa lets him, when the proper response would be to say, "I can see you now or I can not see you at all. Which do you want?" But she lets him guilt-trip her, so he will continue to do so. Steven tries to do that thing where your roommate says he needs to use the phone so you have an excuse to hang up. In an interview, Steven says that Drunkle is a jerk-off. Drunkle says that Arissa was supposed to give him some stuff to take home. Arissa says she'll walk it over to his hotel and drop it off. Arissa insists that she didn't blow him off, and that he can meet her in the lobby of the hotel. Drunkle hangs up on her, and Arissa is pissed. I would Fed Ex that shit. Fuck Drunkle. Steven says, "He's what we call, in the hood, an asshole!" And he makes finger quotes around "in the hood." Speaking of assholes. Arissa can't believe Drunkle thinks she blew him off. Okay, she kind of did blow him off, but whatever! Who cares? In an interview, Frank says that Arissa can't be on call for Drunkle.
Arissa wears the highest heels ever as she carries a package over to Drunkle. They meet up in the lobby. Arissa delivers the package and Drunkle delivers yet another guilt trip about how he made sure he would be there for Arissa's birthday and she chose her friends over her family and it's disrespectful. The proper response? Smile and say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." And then leave. In an interview, Arissa says every time she is ready to breathe easy, something knocks her for a loop. As they walk out, Arissa asks what she's supposed to tell her eight roommates. Eight? Did two more sneak in when I wasn't looking? Drunkle says he doesn't give a shit what she tells them, and that she should make time for Drunkle. Arissa says she invited him for dinner and he declined. In an interview, Arissa says she puts everyone else's needs before her own. Arissa and Drunkle continue to argue about whether she blew him off. Drunkle gets all sentimental about how he wanted to make a date with her, which is creepy. He says he doesn't want to leave on bad terms, and gives her a hug. Arissa rolls her eyes and lets him hug her. He's such a Drunkle.
Frank talks to Emily on the phone. In an interview, Frank says he's waking Emily up in the middle of the night to announce that he wants to have a relationship with her. Frank says he was afraid to talk to her about it. In an interview, Frank says that Emily feels the same way, so they're going to give it a shot. Frank tells Trishelle how the phone call went. Trishelle is proud of him. Frank is happy too, because this is exactly what he wants.
Steven tells Arissa that her mom is on the phone. Ma-rissa says that she needs to talk to Arissa the day. Arissa is like, "Just tell me now!" Seriously. That's annoying. In a confessional, Arissa says she's drained from dealing with her mother, but that she's not been intimidated before. Ma-rissa keeps saying that she can't tell Arissa over the phone. Arissa tells her mother not to call until she can tell her whatever it is. Ma-rissa says, "Can I say something, you simple bitch?" Whoa. I have to tell you, on first viewing, I didn't think Ma-rissa was that bad until this scene. She's fucking crazy. Arissa hangs up, and Ma-rissa keeps calling her a bitch.
week: Steven, Frank, and Trishelle go to L.A. because Frank has an interview at U.S.C. Trishelle and Frank get their freak on and then kiss. What will Emily say?