Previously on The Real World: Chris liked Kurt "on a personal level" and wanted to date him. Nicole broke up with Kyle. Aneesa bailed on going to Wisconsin with Kyle and Keri because she didn't want to be a cover for the lovebirds. Kyle got pissed.
The roommates wake up and start packing bags to go to Kyle's family's lake house. In an interview, Keri says that she hopes Kyle "opens his mind" when what she really means is "unzips his pants." CJP asks where Kurt is, and then teases Chris that he and Kurt are going steady, and that they're going to get pinned, and that they walk around with hands in each other's back pockets "like Winnie and Kevin used to do." Aw, a Wonder Years reference. Isn't she a little young for a Wonder Years reference? Theo yells out that Chris wants Kurt to have his baby. CJP agrees that they want to have a million babies together. In an interview, Chris says that he's looking forward to spending time with Kurt this weekend.
Kyle and his dad show up. I guess this resolves the question of how everyone was going to get to Wisconsin, since Kyle took the van. I don't know why he drove up there Friday night and then turned around and drove back to Chicago on Saturday morning. That seems kind of dumb. Kyle says hello to Kurt and asks Tonya where Justin is. Tonya says that Justin is "across the street with the girls," and she looks pissed. Keri paints her toenails and asks Kyle if he missed her. He gives her a quick hug and a light "yup!" In an interview, Keri says that she likes the situation with Kyle because they have fun. In a confessional, Kyle says for the millionth time that he is attracted to Keri, but that he "can only let the attraction go so far." To Wisconsin? They get in the elevator and shut the door, but they forgot Tonya. Heh.
Out on the street, Justin walks up and kisses Tonya like they didn't just see each other five minutes ago. Tonya orders him to stop kissing her and to give the coffee to her. They all pile into the van and another car and head to Wisconsin. It looks like CJP, Keri, Justin, and Tonya are in the van with Kyle's dad. So Kyle, Chris, Kurt, Theo, and Aneesa must be in the car. I'm surprised that Theo would ride in the gay car.
CJP tells Kyle's dad that her own father was asking if there was something going on between Kyle and Keri, because he sensed an attraction. Keri laughs and says that her little sister felt the same thing. In an interview, CJP says that Kyle and Keri have everything necessary for a relationship, except sex. Unlike CJP, who frequently has nothing in her relationships except for sex. CJP tries to quote Ralph Wiggum and fails miserably. She should have said, "Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me." In case you were wondering. Kyle's dad pretends like he's hip to the Simpsons quotes.
They all arrive at the lake house. Theo comments that when he saw the house, he thought that Kyle must have a lot of money. Aneesa suggests that they rent scary movies that night. Keri and Aneesa look around the place and gush over how great it is. In an interview, Keri says that when they got there, she felt like it was all seven of them, not just her and Kyle. Okay. I'm not sure why she thought it was going to be a romantic weekend for two when Kyle went to great lengths to make it the exact opposite of that. Aneesa suggests that they all move in there instead of the loft. Kyle points out the various bedrooms. One has bunkbeds and CJP whines, "I want to be on top!" Insert your own joke here. Keri asks Kyle where he will be sleeping, and he blows the question off and tells her that they'll figure it out later.
Everyone swims in the pool. Tonya tries to float on top of a giant beach ball and falls off. I guess she passed her kidney stones. They take the boat out on the lake to do some tubing. Tonya nearly falls into the water, and no one rushes to save her. In an interview, Tonya says that it's interesting to see two guys act like they feel the same way about each other that she feels about Justin. I can't believe that she never even contemplated that gay people could have relationships. She's an idiot. Kurt and Chris get on the tube. I've been tubing. It's fun. Chris and Kurt fall out. Tonya and Justin go . Again, I guess the kidney problems aren't acting up. Chris plants some smooches on Kurt's back. Kyle voice-overs that Chris and Kurt have formed a connection.
Chris and Kurt go swimming in the pool in their underwear while Aneesa and Keri watch. Aneesa tells Kurt to get naked. In an interview, Aneesa says that she loves Chris and Kurt together. Aneesa and Keri command Chris and Kurt to make out. In an interview, Keri says that Chris and Kurt are in a new relationship, and that they are having a great time together.
Chris and Kurt walk into the living room, and everyone teases them because they are apparently glowing from recent sex. In an interview, CJP says that there is a little bit of a line between the couples and the singles, and that she has to get used to being on the singles side. Justin and Tonya walk out, and everyone accuses them of having just had sex. Tonya denies it. The singles simulate sex and then applaud for dorky Justin.
After a totally unnecessary ten-minute shot of the beach ball floating in the pool, Kyle gets into the hot tub alone. He rubs his face with his hands. Interspersed with that footage is black and white footage of Kyle and Keri together. This is so college film project. Don't they have professional editors there? And the music is so bad. In an interview, Kyle says that he just broke up with Nicole, so he's not ready to jump into something else, and he likes hanging out with Keri. Kyle rubs his face for twenty-five more minutes. Or maybe it was the same shot shown four or five times. Whatever.
After the commercial break, Kyle is still in the hot tub, mumbling to himself. He does the sign of the cross as he exits the hot tub. So he was praying? In the hot tub? Well, I guess God really is everywhere. Kyle walks into a bedroom, where Keri waits alone, in bed. He tells her that he's going to sleep upstairs. In an interview, Kyle says something stupid to the effect that it's more difficult than ever to deal with Keri now. Nicole broke up with him! Who cares what she thinks? In an interview, Keri says that she knows that Kyle likes her, but that he's confused. They hug and kiss before Kyle heads upstairs.
Kyle's dad drops them all off at the loft. That was a short trip. Kurt prepares to leave, and offers Chris a ride home from work. Chris wonders if Kurt is offering a ride of a different kind, and Kurt laughs and says that it's an offer.
Chris is starting a job as a bartender at Crobar, and he voices over that he's unsure about being behind the bar again now that he's sober. I'll say. That seems like a lot of temptation. In an interview, Kyle expresses doubts over whether Chris being a bartender is the best idea. Chris tells one of his co-workers that he doesn't drink at all. In an interview, Chris says that he did feel some pressure to drink, but that's all in the past. Then there is, like, five minutes of footage of Chris making drinks, like, when did this episode turn into Cocktail? In an interview, Chris says that Kurt is there watching him, and that it makes him feel uncomfortable. Kurt offers again to give Chris a ride home, and Chris says that he's tired and just wants to go right home. Kurt pretends that he just wants to go to sleep too, and won't try any funny business.
That night, Chris talks to Tonya about his problems with Kurt. Chris complains that Kurt asked him about ten or fifteen times whether he could give him a ride home, and it made Chris feel pressured. In an interview, Chris says that Kurt wants to settle down, and that he wants more than Chris can give him. Tonya asks Chris whether he's been upfront. Chris says that it's difficult, because he doesn't want to hurt Kurt's feelings.
Kyle and Keri lie in the oval doorway bed. I don't think that they know there is a camera mounted in the ceiling. I would just assume that I was being filmed every moment that I was in the loft, and most moments that I wasn't. Keri says that it's a lot cooler in that room, and Kyle tells her that she should sleep there. Keri invites him to get some blankets and do some stuff under the covers. Kyle asks why she would want that, and Keri says that she had a good time doing that with him the other night. Kyle enjoyed it, too. Kyle asks if Keri knows what it would be like without restrictions and cameras. Yeah, they totally don't know that they are being filmed right now. Keri says that they would be "like jackrabbits on steroids" and would have to stay in bed because they wouldn't be able to walk. Kyle laughs. More proof that Kyle doesn't really care about Nicole's feelings -- he's just trying to protect his own image. In an interview, Kyle says that they are "very touchy-feely friends." Then we see black and white footage of Kyle lying on top of Keri, kissing her and rubbing his body against her. It is the unsexiest thing that I have ever seen. I'm not sure what pleasure Keri is getting out of that situation. Kyle stands up and walks away, trying to hide his erection, and Keri looks frustrated.
Is it time for The Osbournes yet?
Chris calls Kurt. After some small talk, Chris says that he's been doing a lot of thinking, and that he had a great weekend with Kurt, but that he's not sure if he can commit to any future plans. Chris says that his life is total chaos, adding that it has nothing to do with Kurt; he then brings up his recovery. See, I think Chris just threw that in there so that Kurt wouldn't feel bad -- it's Chris's version of the "It's not you, it's me" speech. It's not you, it's my drinking problem. In an interview, Chris says that he does have feelings for Kurt. They say good night, and hang up.
CJP and Kyle eat at Cinnabon. Kyle eats his giant cinnamon roll with a knife and fork. Dude, just tear pieces off and stuff your face! ["But they're so sticky! Okay, I eat my Cinnabon with a knife and fork. I'm Mr. Pitt." -- Wing Chun] Kyle says that he's getting tired of the restrictions with Keri. In a confessional, Kyle says that he wants to spend time with Nicole in the future. Kyle admits to CJP that he and Keri lost control on Thursday. They didn't have sex, but "the plug was almost in the socket." Wow, that's sexy. And classy. In an interview, CJP says that Kyle has a lot of control, and that in their place, she would have already "landed the deal." No shit, CJP. Kyle says that he's neurotic being in the house. They keep cutting to his cinnamon roll for no reason. I try to think up reasons why they would keep showing it. Maybe Kyle and Keri's relationship is like a cinnamon roll -- sweet and gooey but without much structure. Maybe the way that Kyle eats his cinnamon roll with a fork and knife is symbolic of the way that he lives his life -- completely controlled instead of just stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. I'm sure you could come up with more. It's what gets me through the more boring scenes.
Keri and Tonya hail a cab. Keri says it bothers her that Kyle is so hot and cold. Keri bitches that Kyle doesn't want to accept the fact that Nicole broke up with him. In an interview, Tonya says that she feels bad for Keri because her feelings are getting hurt. Tonya advises Keri to tell Kyle to fuck off. I never, ever thought I would say this, but: Word, Tonya.
Keri and Kyle have the big talk. Keri accuses Kyle of disregarding her when he's trying to cover his own ass. Kyle says that he has to do that. No, he doesn't. Kyle wants to know what Keri wants. Keri thinks it's obvious that their relationship has nothing to do with what Keri wants, because Kyle is too busy covering his own ass. Kyle angrily says that he established his priorities with her from day one. Yeah, except on day one he was with Nicole. Now he's not. I don't blame Keri for thinking that things might change. Keri wants friendship and commitment. Kyle asks why she's being weird. Keri says she's sick of being second-best, and that he'll have to find some other girl, because she's not going to compete. Kyle asks if this is a surprising outcome to her. He can't understand why Keri is disappointed and frustrated. Keri points out that Nicole broke up with him, according to what Kyle said, and that their relationship is over. Keri feels that Kyle can be honest with Nicole, but not with Keri. Kyle promises that he can be honest with Keri. Kyle doesn't think that Keri should hold any ill will toward him. Keri thinks it's "very lame" that she's put herself in this position, and she's not going to do it anymore. Yeah! Go, Keri! Kyle comments that it makes it much easier. Keri nods and walks away. Kyle makes a few more jerky comments, then goes and washes his face and stares at himself in the mirror for a while.
week: Keri cries and says that it will be a struggle for them to be friends. CJP and Kyle flirt, because CJP will take whatever scraps Kyle is willing to throw her way, because she's needy. The kids at the mural-painting project are getting annoyed with Tonya because she acts like a drill sergeant.