The show opens in Las Vegas, presumably the day after the bungee jumping took place in the episode. We see establishing shots of the Las Vegas skyline, and then Niketown. The teams are meeting Roy Jones, Jr., and a box on the screen informs us that he is the Junior Light Heavyweight World Champion. It's a good thing, too, because when it comes to boxers, I recognize about two by sight alone: Mike Tyson and Rocky Balboa. David looks way too excited to be meeting this guy, not to mention that he's wearing that stupid cowboy hat. Given what I've heard about David's personal hygiene, I'm guessing the hat will be covering up his greasy hair a lot this season. Yes tells us that Roy Jones could knock out anyone on the planet. Even Rocky Balboa? And I'm not talking fat and happy Rocky V Rocky Balboa, I'm talking lean and hungry original Rocky Rocky Balboa. But I digress.
The teams are given a bunch of new clothes, and they are even embroidered with the team members' names! Veronica says she would "never say no to clothes, so bring it on!" I'm guessing there's a lot of things that Veronica would never say no to, but I'm catty like that. Roy Jones informs the teams that he has a clue for them, but in order to get it, one of them will have to face him in the boxing ring. He clarifies that it only needs to be one person, not one per team, and that it will be (in Mike's words) "regular gloves boxing." In case we didn't get all that, Yes explains the terms to us again. I think Yes is the narrator of this show, much like Matt was for the Hawaii season. Except I don't want to throw up when I look at Yes. David agrees to step up to the challenge, and then says, "I don't want him to hit me back." I think that violates the rules of boxing. David and Roy go off to get changed. David shows that he has some humility by saying, "This guy could literally rip my face off with two punches. I hope you guys put like a styrofoam pumpkin around my head." Yes shows his support by telling us that "Dave's going to get his butt beat bad." David gets his hand taped by some random guy, and starts imitating Mickey from the Rocky movies, which is actually pretty funny. When David isn't taking himself so seriously, he cracks me up.
Roy Jones, Jr. starts punching his own hand really hard with a boxing glove, and asks David if he hears that. This guy is really scary. Heather B. tells David she's rooting for him and tries to psych him up. Amaya tells us that Heather is the leader of her group and David says Heather's the "alpha female." Heather tells David he's the "great white hope" and then Teck gives him some boxing tips ("keep moving") and tells him he's the "great white hype." Well, which is it? David enters the ring and everyone cheers. Then some lackeys bring out a little plastic boxing game, which is what David and Roy are really going to play. Yes is disappointed because he wanted to see David get knocked out. The game starts and everyone cheers. David is still wearing his headgear for some reason. The head pops up on David's little plastic guy, but Roy Jones, Jr. agrees to give them their clue anyway.
David opens up the clue and everyone gathers around to listen. Gladys tells them, "It's a hit or miss with this one. On your mark, get set, crash!" Veronica reads the enclosed flyer which tells them to go to a fairgrounds in Tennessee. Veronica shows why she nearly flunked out of the Semester at Sea by saying, "Where's Tennessee?" Someone replies, "In the middle." Good thing these guys have bus drivers.
While traveling, the teams decide to start investing their E*Trade dollars. Yes puts $2500 into General Mills. Mike explains the stock market to us. Thanks, Mike. Heather pulls a Warren Buffett and suggests investing in things that they buy, or that they know people buy. For example, everyone is always trying to lose weight, so they should invest in Slim-Fast. That's not a terrible investment strategy. It's better than picking stocks out of thin air. Yes and Kat place the orders for their teams. Heather hopes they win some more money soon, because it goes very quickly.
Holly informs us that we are in Nashville. Mike notices that the women of the Real World team are all made up. Heather explains that it's "gangsta wear." In case you're wondering what "gangsta wear" looks like, in Amaya's case it means making tiny braids in your hair, and then putting a bandanna over the top, while applying lots and lots of lipstick. Kat says that the clue referred to crashing, and that she hopes the mission has something to do with racing cars. Mike says Amaya looks great in her "gangsta wear." Hmm, potential hook-up on the horizon? Only time will tell. Heather tells her team that it's war time. She tells us that she had a business partner who stole money from her, and she had to close her business, so she doesn't want to trust others with her life and career again. Do you think this could be a problem on this trip? The Real World team starts dancing and singing along with a song that goes, "Kill their head and their bodies shall die." The Road Rules team is just hanging out quietly. Holly says that their team unity is "a little more low-key, little more mellow" and that the Real World team unity is "very visible and very loud." Heather finishes their little pep rally by yelling, "Let's just kill!"
The two teams meet with Sonya, who explains their mission. They are going to be competing against one another in a demolition derby. She shows them their cars, and explains that each car will have a driver and a passenger. The passenger gets a water gun filled with paint to use to distract the other drivers. Each driver should protect the front end of his car. I have had friends who were in demolition derbies (yes, I am from a small town, why do you ask?) and I can attest that the best strategy is to drive around in reverse so you don't have impact with your front end, since that's where the engine is. Unless you are driving an old Volkswagen, in which case you don't have a chance in hell anyway. Sonya tells the teams that they get to paint their helmets and cars.
The teams are announced, and they are: Mike and David, Teck and Heather, and Kat and Amaya. For the Road Rules team, it's Los and Piggy, Veronica and Yes, and Holly and Dan. Veronica tells us that she can't be the driver because her feet won't reach the pedals. What is she, a midget? How could her feet not reach the pedals?
Veronica wants to paint happy faces and stars and flowers on their car, so that it will be "the flowermobile." Yes tells her that there's "nothing vicious about the flowermobile." They all paint their cars. Some guy tells David to go for the opponents' tires. Yes takes spray paint and tags the other cars. Heather notices it and yells at Mike for not watching his car. Then she sees that her own car got tagged as well and paints over it. The sun sets.
The crowd is really small. In my hometown, the night of the demolition derby, the grandstands are just packed! I realize how incredibly sad that sounds. There are also cheerleaders there. The hell? The cheerleaders better watch out for flying metal! I speak from experience here, people. Sonya gives them the rules: Stay in the car, wear your helmets and goggles at all times, and a checkered flag means it's over. The winner is the last car moving.
Dan and Holly tell us they want to take home the money. Piggy is scared. Teck jumps out of his car in a clear violation of the rules, and starts a paint fight. Soon everyone is running around squirting each other with paint. I couldn't tell who was who, because of the helmets.
The cars start. Teck and Heather take out Los and Piggy first. Kat and Amaya go after Dan and Holly. We see a shot of Amaya going, "Kill, kill, kill!" Dan ends up driving up onto the barrier while trying to escape. Yes and Veronica go after Teck and Heather. Dan manages to get the car off the barrier, so he and Holly are back in the game. Dan and Holly hit Mike and David really hard. Mike tells David to hit them again, and David says really seriously, "I'm going to kill them right now!" He pushes Dan and Holly's car up onto a mound of tires. Kat and Amaya hit Yes and Veronica, and sparks fly as Yes and Veronica's car dies. Dan and Holly make another miraculous recovery, and get loose from the tires. The remaining Real World cars tag team Dan and Holly. Dan overheats the car, so the Road Rules team is out. Smoke pours into Kat and Amaya's car. Amaya yells that she can't breathe, although if she really couldn't breathe, then she wouldn't be able to yell, now would she? Kat tells her to get out of the car, and says there's so much smoke that she can't even see Amaya sitting to her. Teck goes and helps Amaya out. A townie says they need an ambulance as Amaya crumples to the ground.
Amaya is being attended to by emergency technicians. She's wearing an oxygen mask as she is loaded into an ambulance. Kat gets in and hugs her legs, crying because she thought she "broke Amaya." Amaya is feeling better, and the EMT tells her to try breathing without the oxygen mask. Amaya says, "All the smoke came in and I was choking on it and I couldn't breathe." In case you didn't get that when she yelled out that she couldn't breathe while there was smoke in her face. Kat helps Amaya out of the ambulance. Amaya laughs about her shirt, because they had to cut the sleeves off to take her blood pressure. Kat tells her it's "bad '80s." Heather gets in Amaya's face and jokingly tells her to "suck it up" and then hugs her. Heather hugs Kat too and tells them that she would've slapped them if they cried. Who rocks the house? Heather B. rocks the house. And when she rocks the house, she rocks it all night long.
Teck is getting naked, while all the girls in the bleachers scream. He tells us he loves the attention. I never would have guessed that Teck loves attention. Teck throws his clothes to his fans. David laughs about the "little white girls going goo-goo eyed over crazy brother in boxer shorts." Some girls ask for Dan's T-shirt, and he throws it to them. Watch for it on eBay soon. The Real World team is officially declared the winner, and they are awarded their ten thousand E*Trade dollars.
Back on the bus, both teams receive a clue from the "Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids." Holly reads some facts about smokers to her team. Maybe I'm just projecting here, but she seemed quite sanctimonious about the whole thing. The deal is that each team gets $6000 if the entire team can stay smoke-free for the rest of the trip. If any cast member is caught smoking, his or her team is disqualified. I've already discussed my feelings about how misguided this attempt is in the forums, so go on over there and join the conversation.
Piggy is the only smoker on the Road Rules team, and everyone encourages her to quit. Piggy says that David must be freaking out. Cut to David, who is talking about how ridiculous it is to smoke, and how he will definitely quit. Back to Piggy, who is freaking out. She thinks it's mean because it's her life and her decision about smoking. Her team says that they will help her out. Piggy talks about how hard addiction is, and that she's ashamed that she smokes, and then says she doesn't want to discuss it. Los pipes in, "Can we talk about the money now?" Piggy snaps, "Can we talk about you shutting the [bleep] up?" Piggy can't believe they are doing this to her. Los says that her team didn't do it -- it's the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids." Nobody likes a smart-ass, Los. On the Real World bus, the mood is much different. Everyone is happy and bonding. Piggy asks to think about it. Veronica asks her not to smoke while she's considering it.
At some point later, David tells us that not smoking is really not fun. While sitting in the bus, he tells Teck how he wants one, and points out that smoking is about moments for him, but that he will make it. Mike says that David is "a strong-minded guy, and also a smart guy, and he knows if he picks up a cigarette and loses $6000, Heather's going to knock him straight into the ground." So true.
Night falls and Heather B. tells a cameraman that Piggy is smoking and they need to catch it on tape. Heather tells us, "Piggy walks by me with a cigarette in her hand, just giggling and laughing, and I'm like 'Dang, you just playing me out, right in front of my face!'" The camera catches Piggy smoking. Piggy is the least sneaky smoker ever. Maybe she subconsciously wanted to get caught so that she could end this charade. Sorry, I got all psychoanalytic on your ass there. Piggy gets mad and walks off. The camera follows her into the bathroom, and Piggy freaks out and says they shouldn't be in there. She's right! They already got footage of her smoking -- what else do they need? Teck says that this is war. Piggy goes back on her bus and tells everyone that Heather ratted on her. Heather says she's tired of being nice. I love Heather, but when was she nice? Kat says she's glad that Heather is on her team, because she would be scared of her otherwise. Los says he knew Piggy wouldn't make it. Piggy asks Yes if he would rat her out, and Yes says no. Hee! Yes says no. Heather says it's business, and not personal, and that she wasn't doing this to Piggy -- she was doing it to the other team.
Unfortunately, my tape cut out here, so I didn't get to see what happens week, or the credits. I did got to MTV's website and watch the previews, and although it's hard to tell from a postage-stamp-sized video, it looked like they were going to be wrestling midgets. Veronica will fit right in. Also, one of the midgets they wrestle is Mini-Me from Austin Powers 2. How very 1999.