The Firm. Jimmy "The Lump" Berluti leads a woman into the conference room. She thanks him for seeing her on such short notice. Jimmy says, "It's been a long time." So it begins -- yet another episode of The Practice where so-called "friends" of The Firm come out of the woodwork looking for legal representation. Deborah Muntz replies, "Five years." Pause. She continues, "When you left the bank I remember Bill saying that you got a job in a law firm." Deborah looks like a younger Victoria Principal. Jimmy: "How is Bill? Is he okay?" Mrs. Muntz shakes her head, because, of course, Bill, Jimmy's long-lost friend from his banking days, is definitely not okay. Deborah: "It started slowly. He would forget things." They sit down and face one another. Jimmy: "Like amnesia?" The Serenade Of Sickness starts. No. Apparently, Bill is delusional. He's schizophrenic, and he's been like this for almost five years, which means Bill's health problems would have started sometime around when Jimmy left the bank. Deborah can't care for her husband any longer. She committed him to a mental institution two years ago. The Lament Of The Long-Suffering Wives continues as Deborah explains why she needs Jimmy's help. For the most part, Bill's lived in the institution without incident, until about eight months ago, when he fell out of a seventh floor window. Jimmy: "But he survived?" Deborah: "Yes. A canopy on the third floor broke his fall, that and a man named Edward Green." Who? Well, apparently, Bill landed on poor Ted Green and killed him instantly. You know, if they weren't so seriously discussing this, you would think they were talking about an episode of Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner. Bill and Deborah are being sued. Jimmy: "Deborah. If you need a lawyer, I'll do whatever I can." She continues, "He thinks he's Superman." Huh? "My husband thinks that he is Superman." Jimmy doesn't know what to say. She knows it's hard to believe. Furthermore -- gasp -- she doesn't think he fell out the window; she thinks he was trying to fly! That's right. I wrote "fly."
They must have used old credits this week, because the lovely and talented Hunky D.A. is not present and accounted for. Which means the credits sucked more than they have in the last few months. In fact, I would rather live through the USA beating Canada in the gold medal game than have to endure these ridiculous credits. Thankfully, I won't have to. Go Team Canada! (Okay, I know the Olympics are over, but I did start to write this last Monday. And then it was only a day after Canada won the game.) Do you think if I throw a temper tantrum in front of DEK's studios, they'd bring Hunky D.A. back?
Rod's Office Where He Feels Marital Pain. Bobby and Lindsay are standing facing one another -- right to the door. Blah she's got a hearing, blah he's got one two, blah his is in federal court blah. She snaps, "We're not making child-care decisions based on jurisdiction." He sighs. For the eight-millionth time, Lindsay whines, "Please. I need you to help me this one time. We need to find a new babysitter!" Oh. My. Goodness. Stop the presses. They are discussing their child. The sire of Rod. The baby Rodster. The Rod-spring. Who'd have thought? Now, their Palm Pilots are dueling. Blah he's got a full plate. Blah she's got a full plate. Lindsay: "But that never seems to count! Meanwhile, you keep taking on new cases!" Rod: "I'm being criticized for that now? We need new cases to keep this place running." Lindsay counter-argues, "Sometimes you need to choose family before work!" So says the woman who spends upwards of eighteen hours in the office. Ha! Lucy sticks her head into Bobby's office and interrupts. Wardrobe has stopped dressing her like a schoolmarm. There are no more brooches. It's all after-school specials, specifically, leather. She cracks, "Sorry! This sounds like a pretty good fight but they're all waiting." Blah. Lindsay storms out. Rod sighs some more. Ragdoll rolls her eyes. Did they catch that on tape?
The Conference Room Where They Discuss Massive Amounts Of Pain. Jimmy says, "The Muntzes need our help." Eugene reminds his co-worker that a lot of people need their help. The Lump exclaims, "But I know these people. Bill Muntz was my friend." Ellenor wants to know why they're coming to him now. Apparently, the hospital told the couple the case would settle with the victims' wife, but they couldn't make a deal. Now, they're going to trial. Rebecca asks when, and Jimmy hesitates. Okay. I'm just going to insert what a great actor Michael Badalucco can be when he's actually allowed to act. The Man Who Wasn't There is a great, stylized film, and Michael Badalucco does an amazing job. I'm glad that the Coen brothers see him as something other than the Lump. Any. Way. Eugene erupts when he hears that the trial is so soon: "You can't just jump into a complicated tort case on two days notice." Jimmy continues explaining the particulars of the case: "It's not complicated. Everybody agrees he's nuts. Everybody agrees he pancaked the guy." Blah priorities, blah cases that need his attention, blah Eugene strong-arm blah. Jimmy insists that the case won't take that long. Bobby: "Defending a wrongful death case means no contingency." Jimmy shouts, "These people got nobody else to turn to!" Rod lays it down. He'll give Jimmy one day. If the case doesn't settle, he wants the Lump "out." Jimmy can live with that. He gets up to leave. Lindsay gets up to go with him. For some reason, airing their marital spat in front of all of her co-workers is a positive thing. Huh? Rod says, "Lindsay." She snarks, "We need a babysitter. I suggest you start looking." So. Is she helping Jimmy because she wants to, or because she's throwing a hissyfit and making a point? Either way, it's pretty freaking ridiculous, and no way to a) look out for the well-being of your child and b) maintain a healthy marriage. Yawn.
The Hospital Of Delusional Pain. And speaking of products of Hollywood making a mockery of mental illness: Don't Say A Word. It's a horrible, horrible film. Yeah, like Famke Janssen would ever marry Michael Freaking Douglas. Sorry, Catherine Zeta-Jones, but that's just gross. He's an old dude. Back to the recap. A fellow who looks like F. Murray Abraham is playing Bill's doctor. He's wearing a lab coat. Dr. Gorman explains that Bill has been deeply affected by the accident. "He sees himself as Superman. Heroes don't kill innocent people." Lindsay asks the doctor if he told Bill they were coming, which he did. Jimmy asks: "What should I call him: Bill or Superman?" Dr. Gorman answers, "Normally Bill. We try our best here not to indulge the delusion. When we do it's only to keep him calm." Lindsay wonders if the medication couldn't help him with "that." The prognosis: Bill's not responding to the meds and he's not improving. So, the Bill Jimmy once knew is almost completely gone. Dr. Gorman: "But he's still there. He still has rare moments of lucidity. You need to understand, Bill Muntz is mentally ill. That means he can be unpredictable, even unreasonable." Jimmy and Lindsay look at the doctor. They have no response.
The Common Room. Bill is sitting in the far corner of a room, not unlike the one occupied by Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade. He's staring out the window. Jimmy and Lindsay walk in. Bill turns around and says, "Jimmy!" Oh. Good. Lord. He's dressed in a "Superman" suit. The crest is sewn on. So, the hospital had a suit made for him? How else would he get the darn thing when no one is supposed to be supporting his "delusions"? Surprised, the Lump shouts, "Bill!" Bill walks forward and holds his hand out to stop Jimmy from approaching. He says, "I'm sorry!" The Symphony Of Fake Schizophrenia starts up. "When they said my friend Jimmy was here I assumed they meant Jimmy Olsen!" Siegel and Shuster turn in their graves. Then they turn back again. I am ashamed of DEK, firstly for making such a mockery of mental illness, and secondly for taking an icon of pop culture and reducing him, without the slightest twinge of guilt, to fodder for this reprehensible episode. Right: now it's Lindsay's turn to look stunned. Bill asks, "Have we met?" Jimmy responds, "No. I don't think we have. I'm Jimmy Berluti. This is Lindsay Dole." Bill is "lucid" enough to understand that they are there about the accident. Lindsay steps forward: "Yes. We were hoping to talk about that." Bill: "I don't know what more I can say. It was a busy morning." Pause. "The attendants around here can get me a little distracted." Pause. "I tried to fly without my cape." Uh-huh. Jimmy says he didn't realize that the cape was that important. Well, says Bill, of course it is; he can't fly without it. Jimmy understands. Bill: "A man is dead, and it's my fault. Nothing I can do can ever change that. I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life." Bill walks back to toward the window. Jimmy follows. He explains that he and Bill used to be friends, but that Superman might not remember him. Jimmy says, "I didn't keep in touch. I'm sorry about that. But you and I, we were friends." Bill doesn't remember. It was a long time ago. Blah the man he knew, blah never meant to hurt anyone, blah not his fault, blah bad things happen to heroes blah.
Dr. Gorman's Office Where They Administrate The Pain. In addition to Jimmy, Lindsay, and the good doctor, there is a lawyer present. His name is Aldridge, and he is played by actor Steven Culp. But for the purposes of this recap, we're going to call him Bobby Kennedy because of Thirteen Days, which is a totally decent film. I figure that if DEK can make a mockery of American culture, so can I. Lindsay pipes up. She asks if the doctor is concerned with how SuperBill will fare during trial. Of course, the doctor would prefer that they settled the case. Lindsay: "Then why haven't you?" Bobby Kennedy responds, "We've done everything we could but Mrs. Green and her lawyer are being totally unreasonable." The Lump thinks that the poor woman is entitled to something; after all, her husband is dead. Sure, but she's suing for fifteen million; the hospital offered her a cool million. She turned it down. She won't settle for anything less than three. Damn, Steven Culp is a handsome, handsome man. We forgive DEK for overlooking Hunky D.A. in this episode. Any. Way. Jimmy asks, "Don't you have insurance?" Yes. The hospital does, but the administration is afraid that the carrier will drop their coverage if they get hit for too much. Dr. Gorman says, "If that happens, we're finished. Patients that we've treated for years will be thrown into state institutions, if there's room." Blah most end up on the street blah. Jimmy explains that if they lose at trial, the sky is the limit for damages. Blah SuperBill jumped out of their window blah. Jimmy says, "You have to think you are going to lose." Bobby Kennedy insists, "Only if the jury thinks we're to blame." Here comes The Symphony Of Slimy Situations. Lindsay's mouth drops to the floor, and it's not because she thinks Bobby Kennedy is a dish. Jimmy gives the camera his whoa-wait-a-minute face. Then he says, "You're going to blame Bill? He's insane. You were responsible for him." Bobby Kennedy: "We're not blaming Bill." Dum dum. Dum. Dum. Then who? Who are they blaming? The wife. Of course, it's the wife. It's ALWAYS the wife. Jimmy says, "What are you talking about?" Bobby Kennedy goes on, "Ultimately. We didn't push him out that window. She did." Blah on the day SuperBill "fell," blah Deborah visited him, blah divorce blah. Bobby Kennedy: "Your client wasn't trying to fly, Mr. Berluti. He was trying to kill himself."
Canada is great at certain things. Hockey, for instance. We're really good at hockey. But you know what we're not really good at? Television. We make exceptionally bad television. ["Oh, come on, now. Degrassi was great." -- Sars] The Canadian version of Popstars is absolutely frightening. Please, make it stop. There are enough pre-fabricated bands on this earth already. We don't need to contribute any more. The last Canadian Popstar band ended up hanging out on my street singing. That's right. They'd go OUT FOR DINNER and sit on the patio SINGING. Because they're pop freaking stars. Yawn.
The Firm. Deborah Muntz has been summoned to the office. Jimmy and Lindsay are berating her for not telling them that she was asking SuperBill for a divorce. She didn't think the hospital knew. She talked to their lawyer a dozen times, and he never mentioned the divorce. She continues, "Look. I'm not exactly proud of myself. We've been married for almost fourteen years. For the last five, I've been watching him fall apart, praying he gets better." Lindsay tells her she doesn't need to explain, but Deborah's on a roll, and she interrupts, "I know I'm supposed to love him, to stay with him. And I swear to you both, I've tried." Pause. "But you don't know what my life has become." Blah blah blah martyr-cakes. Lindsay asks if Deborah thinks SuperBill tried to kill himself. No! And the lawyers can't let SuperBill know that that's what they think, either. Ahem -- it might just push him over the edge. Heh.
Whoosh. Wow. Haven't seen one of those in a while. Jimmy is stark raving mad. He's pacing. He's fuming. His hands are waving. He's angry. Both he and Lindsay are explaining the situation to Ellenor. Jimmy: "They let the Muntzes think the case would settle. That there wasn't going to be a trial." Walk to the left. Lindsay: "So Deborah and Bill walk into court unprepared and get slaughtered with the judgment." What are they going to do? Wait, Eugene, Lucy, and Rebecca are there too. Eugene says, "Plan B." Oh! Fun. They always work so well -- not. Rebecca wants to know what Eugene means. He responds, "Well, Mrs. Green isn't the only one whose been hurt by this." He turns to Rebecca: "The Muntzes have too. Emotional distress. Pain and suffering." Blah blame the hospital blah. A light bulb appears above Lindsay's head: "Do you think we should sue the hospital?" Damn right. In the middle of this pseudo-conference outside the actual conference room, a middle-aged woman comes running out of Bobby's office, weeping and wailing. She rushes toward the door, flings it open, and then slams it shut. Rod appears. He says, "Lucy. Call the agency. I need to meet with more babysitters." Ah, isn't that sweet. Rod is such a good parent that he's willing to inflict a rigorous, and probably totally unnecessary, interrogation upon the unsuspecting applicants. Now, isn't that love?
Suffering County Courthouse. Lindsay, Deborah, and Jimmy come out of the elevator mid-conversation. The lawyers are explaining what it means to sue the hospital. Lindsay thinks this is their only chance to win. "But it is dangerous. The hospital will come after you and Bill." She's not sure how much SuperBill can take. Jimmy: "You need to understand that if you're found liable, you could lose everything, including the money to pay for his care." Deborah nods her head and says okay.
The three of them enter a client room, where Bill is waiting. He's dressed in a suit and looks, well, totally normal. Deborah says, "Hello, Bill." Bill says, "Hello, Lois." My eyes roll so far back in my head that I am afraid they are lost forever.
Everyone is now seated. We've missed half the conversation, of course. Jimmy explains, "We're not going to deny what happened. We're just going to say you're not to blame." Bill says, "Okay." Blah judge to go for it, blah wear the SuperBill outfit blah. SuperBill leans forward: "I saw the complaint. They named Muntz, not Superman." Mrs. SuperBill quietly asserts the fact that "they" already know he's SuperBill. Bill: "Do they? I'm not really sure." Jimmy insists that they definitely know. He also says that having SuperBill dressed in the costume would not only totally humiliate him, but it would prove that DEK will stoop as low as possible to get the cheap laugh. Oh, wait, that's not what Jimmy said at all. Jimmy thinks that having the jury see "who [SuperBill] really is" might make all the difference. If I could pull out all my hair and not look like an idiot, I would. This episode is that infuriating. Blah America loves Superman, blah he won't wear the outfit, blah role model, blah not seen on trial, blah now they know Muntz is SuperBill, blah he wants to change his name. Of course he does -- you know why? Because he's crazy. Loony. Batty. Loopy. Certifiable. Nuts. Cracked. Hey, you know what else? We. Get. It.
Judge Rudy Fox's Courthouse Of Specialized Pain. In her I've-been-smoking-since-birth voice, Judge Fox says, "Ms. Dole. I don't like surprises. Filing a cross-complaint on the day of trial constitutes a surprise." She turns to Mrs. Green's counsel and asks what he thinks. Mr. Kline says, "Let them point fingers at each other so long as my client gets what she's entitled to." Pause. "What we don't want is a continuance." Okay, having three teams of lawyers in the room is confusing. So, from now on, the Green/Kline contingent shall be known as Team Green. The SuperBill/Deborah/Jimmy/Lindsay team is now The Superheroes. And the hospital will be The Doctors. The Doctors wave their arms and complain that they need time for discovery. Lindsay snarks, "You've had time. They have had access to our clients from the moment this happened." The Doctors retort, "Your Honour, if the Muntzes lose, they can always come after us later." Judge Fox is getting dizzy. I am getting dizzy. And I can tell you, it's not from the excitement. Lindsay argues that there's no need to try the case twice. Apparently, Judge Rudy likes The Superheroes. She rules in their favour; the cross-complaint will become a part of the trial. Slam! She hits the gavel. "We'll begin in an hour!" Deborah looks forlornly at the table. She and her husband half-smile at one another. Jimmy and Lindsay huddle. Dr. Gorman comes up to them: "You asked if I was worried that a trial would devastate Bill. I have to ask, are you?" The Superheroes let the music answer for them. It wanes. It wallows. It withers. Bobby Kennedy approaches: "You need to understand. Dr. Gorman is a compassionate man who gets paid to care about Bill's condition." He pauses for the kicker: "I'm not." Hell, I'd pay him to care about me. Do you think he'd go for that?
Whoosh. One hour has elapsed in Judge Rudy's Radiating Lair Of Pain. Team Green has Mrs. Green on the stand. How long were they married? In a weepy-widow voice, Mrs. Green responds, "In August it would have been twenty-three years." Blah loved him very much blah. Team Green asks, "Tell us what happened." Blah she met him for lunch, blah walked to his office blah. She went window-shopping. Bill went window-dropping. Wearing his SuperBill outfit. Mr. Green's neck was broken. Mrs. Green: "I knew he was dead." Ah. Team Green has nothing further. Judge Rudy calls on Jimmy. He has no questions. The Doctors are up. Bobby K steps forward and says, "Your husband was an accountant. An accountant who earned forty-five thousand a year?" Mrs. Green says, "So?" Because witnesses looking to make a good impression on the jury should always throw such attitude at the defense attorneys. Blah she's suing for fifteen million blah. "The truth is, Mrs. Green. Your husband was fifty-three years old. It would have taken him over three hundred years to earn that kind of money." Bobby K steps forward. Mrs. Green furrows her eyebrows. This woman must be wearing a wig. Her hair looks like she stepped off the set of Coronation Street about ten years ago. It's that bad. Wah pain and suffering, wah my husband was killed wah. Bobby Kennedy: "Yes. Because that woman." He points to Deborah. "Chose to be reckless." Jimmy snaps to attention and objects. Oh, come on, spare us the dramatics, Jimmy; you knew this would be their strategy going in. "You don't really believe that we're to blame for his death?" Jimmy's objection is overruled. Bill whines, "This isn't right. I don't like this." You know why? Because he's "crazy." All "crazy" people freak out in court. The Melody Of Mischievous Missions drones away as Bobby Kennedy continues, "She didn't care about ending her marriage. Do you think she cares about ending yours?" Mrs. Green: "I don't know who to blame, Mr. Aldridge. All I do know is that my husband is dead. And no amount of money can make that right." Then, for some reason, she stares at the defense attorney out from under her eyelids. She looks totally creepy. Well, as creepy as a woman who sort of looks like Dame Edna can actually look.
Suffering County Courthouse. Team Doctor has the doctor on the stand. He explains, "Bill's never tried to fly before. He never discussed the ability to fly." The camera pans around to show the entire courtroom, which is, of course, packed. Dr. Gorman continues, "Flying was never part of his pathology." Uh-huh. So the man thought he was Superman but he never even considered flying? Right. That's like pretending to be Wonder Woman without the lasso. Or the invisible plane. It's like being Spiderman, but never thinking about casting a web. What-freaking-ever, DEK. Aldridge asks, "Did Mr. Muntz appear suicidal before that day?" No. If so, they would have "lodged" him on a more secure floor. Why did SuperBill try to fly himself into a pancake, then? Dr. Gorman says, "To understand, you need to know about Bill's condition." Aldridge: "Has his condition improved since being at the hospital?" Okay. Am I the only one to notice that Bobby Kennedy just totally changed the topic? Perhaps he thinks that if he talks fast enough, no one will notice the jump in subjects. Ah, what DEK doesn't take into consideration is that I am SuperRecapper. I have wonderful powers of observation and a keen sense of reality. I stop all injustices of continuity. With my bare hands. And my legs aren't even that sore after a day of leaping over tall piles of horseshit in a single bound. Blah Bill's not getting any better, blah SuperBill's safe, calm, blah stress to a minimum blah. Dr. Gorman thinks that stress made SuperBill try to commit suicide. "What stress are you referring to?" Gorman explains that Deborah visited Bill on the "day in question." Gorman met her at the reception area. Then, ten minutes later, he walked by the room where he'd left Deborah visiting Bill. Bill was upset. Dr. Gorman left them for a minute to "get his medication." While he was gone, SuperBill decided it was time to fly. Cue up The Foo Fighters, please.
Jimmy is now at bat for The Superheroes. He says, "He dresses like Superman. He calls his wife Lois. But you didn't think he might try to fly?" Exactly. My point. Jimmy can be on my squad of Superheroes. We'll call him Lump de la Lump. His specialty will be tossing lumpy mashed potatoes at bad guys. Along with me, SuperRecapper, we're scheduled to appear in the much-anticipated sequel to Mystery Men. Dr. Gorman responds, "What happened had nothing to do with his assumption of Superman's identity." Because finding a negotiable link between the actions of SuperBill and his "illness" would be asking way, way too much of this "doctor." He's lying when he says he's trying to fly? Blah on some level blah believes it, blah defense mechanism, blah Bill Muntz heard his wife wants a divorce, blah Bill Muntz threw himself out a window blah. Jimmy: "And you being the doctor, you must know exactly what reality he's in at any given moment." Blah he's a doctor, blah safe haven, blah wife destroyed all that blah. Jimmy moves to strike. The judge instructs the jury to do just that. The Superheroes move onto another line of questioning. "As director of the hospital, you treat patients and make staffing decisions." Correct. "Isn't it a fact that last year your hospital was bought by a parent company." Yes. Pause. Jimmy continues. Blah reduction of staff, blah thirty percent blah. Gorman says that the parent company wanted to "streamline their costs" and that the "reduction hasn't hurt anyone." Jimmy snaps, "Tell Ed Green that." Aldridge objects from The Doctors' bench. The Lump quickly withdraws his comment. He steps forward and continues with his interrogation. "There were no bars on the windows, were there, Doctor?" No. "Because bars cost money." Oh, Jimmy's on a roll, and the music is rolling along with him. Again, no, it's because they intimidate and frighten the patients. Oh, and having them fall out of windows doesn't? Dr. Gorman responds, "I told you, before that day he wasn't suicidal." Jimmy changes his offensive angle: "Did you ask Mrs. Muntz why she was there that day?" Gorman shifts in his seat and says no. "If you were so concerned about Mr. Muntz's fragile psyche, why didn't you ask her why she was there?" Blah he thought Mrs. Muntz cared about SuperBill's mental health, blah never occurred to him, blah she would behave recklessly blah. What. Ever. Like being honest with your husband about how you feel is reckless. Like it's any of the doctor's freaking business why she's there in the first place.
The Firm. A lovely granny-looking nanny is sitting, with Lucy of all people, on the couch in Rod's office. She's very well-pressed. Her hair is in a bun. She loves kids and has six of her own. She glances at Lucy, and then looks at Rod, who is sitting with a clipboard hanging from his left hand. The Granny-Nanny asks if they are planning on having any more children. Lucy stammers, "Oh, not, we're not --" But before she can finish, Rod asks dryly, "Ever been accused of misconduct with a child?" Granny-Nanny is stunned. No! "Ever been arrested?" No! The temperature is rising. Rod's cool as a cucumber. Lucy admonishes him. "Any problems with drugs or alcohol?" Granny-Nanny responds, "I'm sorry. The agency told me you were nice people." Rod sort of half-smiles, then makes up some cock-and-bull story about how he's new at "this." Before he hires someone to take care of his son, he has to be "sure about [him or her]." This seems to defuse the situation. Rod looks over his clipboard. He mentions that Granny-Nanny was only with two families. Well, she says, she was with each one for over ten years and never had a problem. Rod: "What about an AIDS test?" Lucy is aghast. Granny-Nanny is aghast. Then, Rod, a lawyer, someone who should be sensitive to, well, the rights of women in the workplace and all, asks, "Exactly how old are you?" So, that's the end of that. Granny-Nanny stands up and responds, "I'll tell you what. I am old enough to know that I don't need this!" Harrumph. "Good luck staying married to this pig!" When Lucy gives him the what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you stare, Rod looks back at her and says, "Huh." Lucy is still staring. Rod says, "What?" Because he truly doesn't have a clue. Not one. Not a single idea. So, if he doesn't know how to interview a nanny, you know, having conducted at this point in his career thousands of witness interviews, a task he is probably very comfortable with, what the hell kind of a parent is he anyway?
Suffering County Courthouse Where They Argue Super-Strength Pain. Deborah Muntz is on the stand. Lindsay is defending for The Superheroes. We are mid-interview as Deborah says, "I lost him the day he forgot my name. He started calling me Lois." Lindsay wants to know why she placed Bill at Clarendon Hall. She kept him at home as long as she possibly could, but Bill isn't the man she married, and she lost her husband. Lindsay: "Why did you visit him in the hospital that day?" As we all know, she went to tell him she was getting a divorce. Lindsay: "Was that really something he needed to hear?" Yes. They'd been married a long time; he needed to hear it from her. Blah SuperBill and Lois should never be apart, blah SuperBill was upset, blah by the time she left, blah he was okay blah.
Team Doctors is up . Bobby Kennedy: "This wasn't the first time you considered divorce, was it?" Huh? "You didn't want to be married to a mid-level banker." Blah resented Bill, blah lack of ambition blah. Lindsay objects. Aldridge continues. He holds up a medical report and says, "This is what Bill told his therapist the first year he got to the hospital." Blah, privileged, blah used the medical records to defend the hospital; blah Aldridge is right, blah Lindsay's suing the hospital, blah so she waives privilege blah. Deborah: "I love my husband, Mr. Aldridge." Why did you make him so miserable? "He said you called him weak, stupid." Deborah retorts, "Bill would never have said that!" Aldridge continues, "Your husband chose to be SuperBill because in his mind he had to be perfect to make you happy." The Superheroes object. Judge Rudy sustains -- her laughter, that is, because this is so stupid. Aldridge continues, "This past year, Mrs. Muntz, how many times did you visit your husband?" The Sympathetic Symphony Of Guilt-Ridden Situations rises. Deborah pauses. SuperBill fidgets, and turns to Jimmy: "She came when she could!" She doesn't know. Bobby Kennedy says, "Nine times. Nine times, Mrs. Muntz." Pause. Drama. Pause. "You can't even make it [to the hospital] one day a month." Deborah admits that it's hard for her to see him as SuperBill; her expression is pained. SuperBill turns to Lindsay, captain of The Superheroes, and says, "Stop him from hurting Lois!" Aldridge steps forward. "Why didn't you talk to his doctor first?" Deborah: "Excuse me?" Aldridge: "You're his legal guardian." Step. "You were filing for divorce." Step. "You had to know Bill would get upset." Step. "Why not ask for his doctor's permission?" To ask her own freaking husband for a divorce? Deborah echoes my own sentiments. Aldridge sounds a lot like Emperor Rod; this speech was really written for him. They brought another Bobby in at the last second, because the whole Rod-needs-a-nanny subplot was going to provide some much-needed comic relief. Whew. Bobby Kennedy snaps, "Your husband, Mrs. Muntz, is mentally ill. You're going to leave him and you don't tell his doctor ahead of time?" Add one snarl and a little vigorous hand-gesturing, and Bobby K could truly be confused with Bobby D. Bill is sweating. Or maybe he's seething. Lindsay tries to object, but Bill's already erupted. I was waiting for the steam to come barreling out of his superhuman ears. "Stop it!" he screams. "None of this has anything to do with truth or justice." Everyone tries to get SuperBill to sit back down. He doesn't. "She doesn't have to worry about me! I'm Superman." Here comes the worst line of the show: "Counsel, sit him down now or he's out of here like a speeding bullet." Oh, Judge Rudy. I'm so sorry. That was painful. Both Lindsay and Jimmy grab SuperBill and ease him back into his seat. Aldridge gives Deborah a dirty look. Yawn.
Client Room Where Superheroes Rest Their Pain. SuperBill is agitated. He looks far, far too healthy to truly be someone who spends most of his or her time in a hospital. His colour is good. He doesn't look at all dazed from meds. Any. Way. He's screaming something about the fact that he WILL TESTIFY. Jimmy is trying to get him to sit down, to calm down, but SuperBill is raging. Watch the table. He might break it in half. Deborah turns to Lindsay and says, "I don't think he should testify." Lindsay doesn't like it either, but because Deborah's testimony was a little shaky, they need SuperBill to assert the fact that the accident wasn't her fault. Jimmy: "Bill, are you sure you want to testify?" SuperBill: "You're damn right! Those sons of bitches!" You see, because the more he swears, the more we'll think he's "crazy." SuperBill looks over to Deborah, regains his composure, and says, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I just -- I'm going to protect Lois. I'm going to testify." You go, SuperBill.
Rudy's Chambers. Aldridge says, mid-scene, "He can't testify. He's crazy." Jimmy responds by stating that SuperBill is a named defendant, thus ensuring that he's got the right to take the stand. Aldridge: "Not if he's incompetent, he doesn't." Lindsay: "They say his wife caused him to jump. He's got the right to say that she didn't." Aldridge retorts, "He's got no sense of reality, of the truth." Oh, and you do, dude? You're trying to pin the fact that the guy jumped out of the window of your hospital on SuperBill's wife -- whose only crime seems to be the fact that she wants to get on with her life. On the whole, that's a moral issue, not a legal issue, regardless of how much the hospital doesn't want to pay. Jimmy reminds the group that SuperBill can explain what was going through his mind, which is relevant to the question of liability. Aldridge: "I hope that Mr. Berluti realizes that if his client testifies that I'm going to treat him like any other witness." See? Is it just me, or do you hear echoes of the Emperor? Maybe I'm the one going crazy. Jimmy snarks, "Meaning what?" Aldridge: "I'll have no choice but to go after him. The man is not well. You've made him watch everyone he's trusted turn on him. His wife. His doctor." Blah trying to totally destroy him blah. Jimmy turns to the Judge: blah is he threatening my witness blah? Rudy says, "No. He's warning you. And so am I. Are you sure you want to do this, Mr. Berluti?" Blah jury, blah big judgment, blah won't be able to pay, blah private care, blah rest of his life, blah state institution, blah bankrupting his wife blah. The judge will let him testify, but she does hope that The Lump knows what he's doing. So you know, with all the non-dramatic non-tension, ahem, flying around, that we should all be prepared for a SuperBill breakdown on the stand. And this time, there's no Kurt Russell to save him.
The Stand. SuperBill is perched in the witness seat. SuperBill: "Flying isn't something I just do. There has to be a reason." Rosie O'Donnell is in the jury box. Jimmy asks, "So you've flown before?" Many, many times, he says. Jimmy asks, "Why did you want to fly that day?" SuperBill explains that Lois had come to see him. Jimmy wants to know who Lois is. SuperBill points to Deborah and says, "The woman seated there. My wife." Lindsay's got her hair tied back. When did she do that? Yeah, and what the heck day is it, anyway? When Jimmy brought it up, the trial was supposed to start in two days, only within hours he and Lindsay were at the hospital and then, all of a sudden, they were in court. There was no overhead shot of fake Boston at night. No after-work sentiments, no late evenings in the office. The hell? Anyway. Jimmy: "Why do you think she came to see you?" SuperBill says that his wife wanted a divorce, but really, truly, she needed his help: "I think she was in some kind of danger!" Jimmy indulges him: "What kind of danger?" SuperBill doesn't know. When Deborah left, he watched her from the window. He was going to follow her from above to make sure she was all right. But a nurse kept nagging SuperBill about going down to lunch. Now. Wait. Didn't the doctor come and see him ten minutes after SuperBill was with Deborah? SuperBill doesn't mention this at all. ["I thought he'd already gone out the window by that time." -- Sars] So, according to SuperBill, the nurse made him forget his cape, and he needs his cape to fly. Jimmy steps forward: "So you weren't trying to hurt yourself. You were just trying to fly?" That's correct.
Bobby Kennedy gets up for The Doctors. Does Team Green have no say in this? Blah you love your wife, blah very much, blah leaving him, blah devastated blah. "Weren't you crying?" He was, but then SuperBill says that he calmed down. When? Blah Dr. Gorman, blah ten minutes, blah found him blubbering like a baby blah. Aldridge asks, "You do remember that, don't you?" Okay, so why would a nurse be harping on a patient that was visibly upset to go down for lunch? Honestly. It makes no sense. SuperBill doesn't answer Aldridge's question, so Aldridge prompts, "Mr. Muntz?" SuperBill says he remembers. Bobby Kennedy asks if SuperBill remembers if Deborah said why she was leaving. Jimmy objects. Aldridge retorts that it goes to his state of mind. Rudy overrules. "Did she say why she was leaving?" SuperBill: "Not really." Aldridge: "Didn't she tell you exactly why?" Enter The Shakedown Symphony. Blah Deborah met someone else, blah at work blah. SuperBill stutters. Jimmy objects, stating that Aldridge's argument lacks foundation. But wait! He does have a foundation all right; in fact, he's got photos! Bill looks confused. He says that Deborah didn't say anything about her lover. He repeats that he doesn't know what Aldridge is talking about. Bobby Kennedy steps forward. Doesn't he have a missile crisis or something to deal with? He really does go after SuperBill. Blah you tried to kill yourself, blah your wife, blah another lover, blah you tried to kill yourself. Aldridge repeats, "Isn't that right?" Ah, Bill mumbles, looks at the ground, looks skittish, and blabbers "I don't know what he's talking about" a million times. Jimmy just looks concerned. He never should have put SuperBill on the stand. Deborah is teary. Mrs. Green looks at her chest, of all places. Generally, everyone in the courtroom is totally uncomfortable because there's a "crazy person" on the stand. Blah blah blah yawn.
Suffering County Courthouse. The Lump leaves SuperBill in the client room as he walks out to where Deborah and Lindsay are standing. Deborah wants to know how SuperBill is. Apparently, not so good -- he won't talk to anyone. She wants to see him. His lawyer doesn't think that's such a good idea. Deborah: "Jimmy. What they said about me meeting someone else, you have to believe me, I never told him." Pause. "That's not the reason I want the divorce." Ah, that's not really the point, Deborah. The lawyers trying to defend you and your husband should have known about it before they went into court, not after. Jimmy stutters, "I gotta get ready for my closing." And then he runs away, leaving Lindsay and Deborah to "bond." Blah she's sorry, blah Jimmy gets nervous, blah he's right, blah she should have told him blah. Deborah lets out a deep breath. She says, "The truth is, Lindsay, I've never known what's best for Bill." She looks away. Then she looks back. "I know I'm not responsible for his disease." Blah the lawyer, blah right about one thing, blah never appreciated what they had blah. Oh, wait! Stop! Watch out! A huge flag is about to hit their heads. It says, "Love the one you're with!" Yes. That's correct. It is pushing Lindsay into some strange state of self-reflection. Deborah continues, oblivious to the huge banners barreling overhead: "I kept wishing him to be what I wanted. What I thought he could become." Blah she never accepted him, blah for who he really was blah. If Lindsay got anymore reflective she'd turn herself inside out, literally.
Suffering County Courthouse. Team Green is closing. Blah Latin saying blah. Blah negligence blah. Blah blame someone blah. Who is to blame?
The Superheroes. Jimmy is closing. Blah convinced he's SuperBill, blah they never thought he'd try to fly blah. Bars on the windows blah. Who is in the best position to prevent what happened? Blah hospital, blah profits, blah not patients, blah not enough staff blah. Blah Deborah, blah Jimmy the Grunt, blah.
The Doctors. Aldridge is up. Blah reckless cruelty, blah drove him out the window, blah told Dr. Gorman, blah protected SuperBill blah. Okay, everyone point his or her fingers now at who you think is negligent. Exactly. Blah wife stopped caring, blah cruelty, blah hospital, and blah caring for people, blah Mrs. Muntz, blah her fault blah.
After the closing arguments, Lindsay is waiting outside the courtroom. Rod arrives. They talk shop. In a moment of pure selflessness, Bobby D found a bunch of mental hospitals that would take SuperBill in case they lose the case. Ah, isn't that sweet. He made some "calls." She's touched. It must have taken him hours to help. Lindsay: "Why did you do it?" Aw, he doesn't know, shucks, he just "fell" for the guy. Then Rod announces that they've got a new babysitter. Again, Lindsay is shocked. Oh, but Ellenor and Eugene did the interviewing. Heh. They smile at one another. Then he tries to leave, but Lindsay runs up and plants the most asexual kiss I've seen in a long time on her husband. Blah she loves him, blah she doesn't say it, blah all is forgiven in the land of Rod.
The jury is back! Everyone, including Aldridge, including Mrs. Green, including Gorman, is sitting with their hands clasped together, in exactly the same way, in front of them on the table. The verdict is handed over to the judge. She glances at it and asks the foreperson to read their findings. They find Deborah, but not Bill, negligent. This causes the gallery to give a collective "Oh!" Rudy bangs her gavel. They do find the hospital negligent. In fact, they order them to pay Mrs. Green a cool three million dollars. They ask Deborah to pay only one dollar. She is pleased, and gives Lindsay a hug. Again the gallery says, "Oh!" But wait! They're not finished yet! There is the matter of the cross-complaint. The hospital has to pay Deborah a dollar, and Bill one million dollars! SuperBill doesn't care. He's just staring straight ahead. Aldridge wants the decision set aside. Rudy refuses. She adjourns court. Hugs erupt. Then Gorman collapses. Lindsay screams for a doctor. SuperBill rips off his clothes. That's right, he's wearing the outfit. SuperBill screams, "I'm flying to the hospital to get this man a doctor!" Then he crashes himself through the freaking window. You know, I can't believe that DEK actually made him TRY TO FLY. Jimmy and Lindsay run over to see SuperBill lying splattered on a ledge about five feet underneath the window. Sigh.
The Client Room Of SuperBill's Actual Pain. Apparently, SuperBill is fine. He's got some bandages on his hands, and his face is kind of scratched up, but he's okay. SuperBill says, "He was having a heart attack!" Jimmy explains that it was a panic attack, nothing more. What? There are no paramedics there? They don't think it's best to take SuperBill to a hospital? Good grief. Dr. Gorman comes in. He is met with some hostility from Lindsay. Dr. Gorman says, "Come on, Bill." Jimmy: "What are you doing?" Well, he's taking Bill back to the hospital. Because he is a caregiver, after all. SuperBill walks toward Dr. Gorman. He wants to go home. But he wants to talk to Lois for a second. The doctor doesn't think that's such a good idea, but Deborah says it's all right. The couple comes closer together. SuperBill wants to go home. But he can't. Blah she doesn't love him, blah that's not true, blah met someone else, blah he doesn't care, blah stay together blah. Deborah says, "I can't do this again." And she starts to leave, but just as she reaches the door, SuperBill calls, "Deborah!" Stunned, she turns back toward her husband, who says, "I'll use whatever name you want! I won't be Superman anymore. I promise. I can do it." More ridiculous platitudes about how the world needs Superman, "especially now." Whatever the freaking hell that means. But they just can't go back, and she can't ask him to stop being "who he really is." Blah love you, blah love you too, blah goodbye blah. Bill cries. He wants to go home. And Dr. Gorman is going to take him there. Ah, poor SuperBill. He's got some super-sized tears to take us to the end of this ridiculous episode.