Boston. Jimmy checks his watch and plods toward a diner. He enters the restaurant, looks around, and Jeffrey "Coach 'Spanky' Wenchell" Tambor, waves a newspaper at him. The Lump looks confused. He's not expecting a drunken gym teacher. Spanky says with his signature nice-guy smile, "You number 218?" Yes, says the Lump, but he thought he was meeting Freddy. Ah, not to worry, Freddy's got the day off. Spanky sticks his hand out and introduces himself: "I'm Sid Herman." They shake. Jimmy sits. Then, Sid starts in on the "my condolences" speech; apparently, what the Steelers did to Jimmy ought to be against the law, he quips: "Cruel and unusual punishment." Sid rambles on, "Did you see it?" He waves his hand in effacement: "Of course you saw it." Apparently, Jimmy bet five grand on this football game. Damn, that's a lot of money for someone who has never gambled before. Has never talked about gambling. Has remained the pseudo-moral-epicenter of the freaking show. Okay, blah some interception killed him blah. Jimmy holds out a plain yellow envelope with a whack of money inside. He's got seven of the twenty-seven grand he owes Sid. That's right, the bookie's into Jimmy for almost thirty grand. Jimmy'll get him the rest by the end of the week. Sid: "You're two weeks late now." Jimmy's got to get the money from his retirement account, and he's called a cousin to bum some cash from him. Sid interrupts his so-called client: "I've got another idea." Well, Jimmy is a lawyer, and Sid's got a legal problem, and if the Lump provides some legal services, his debt goes away. Ah, Spanky makes him an offer he can't refuse -- heh. Jimmy hesitates: "What sort of legal services?" Well, the bookie's ex-wife is trying to rob him. Will Jimmy take the case? Oh, you know he will; he's too far in over his head not to.
Credits. I would rather be stuck in the Arctic without a parka, about to be attacked by a polar bear and suffering from serious frostbite, than have to listen to this damn theme song.
The Firm Where They Are Flippant About Pain. Lindsay is complaining to Lady Lucy that the coffee is decaffeinated. She can tell when it's decaffeinated. Lucy insists the coffee is regular, and by the way, if Lindsay is complaining so much about it, why doesn't she just go out and buy her own damn coffee. Rebecca interjects some useless comment about trial days and not needing caffeine. So Lindsay calls her a coffee hog, and when Rebecca objects, Lindsay says they might as well hook up an IV. Rebecca insists she takes her share and no more. Who cares? Why bother with the everyday banter? It's just ridiculous. Lucy interrupts their useless conversation and says, "Lindsay, that was Martin Jinks's mother. She's still in Hartford. She couldn't get the day off." Lindsay bitches, "Excuse me? Her son goes on trial for attempted murder and she can't get the day off?" What she's really saying is, "What a self-centered witch, and she's a bad mother to boot." Eugene walks over toward Lindsay's desk: "I thought you were going to plead." Lindsay snaps that her client wouldn't let her. Ellenor chirps, "Don't tell me..." And The Firm has a rousing chorus of, "He's innocent." Really, the comedy has to stop. No, really, it does. Please. Now. Enough. Bobby comes out of his office, looking through some papers. Jimmy decides to show up for work, and Bobby makes some crack about him being late. Jimmy walks up to Rod and says, "Bobby, you got a minute?" Sure, Rod says, and walks back into his office.
The Very Same Office Where Rod Doles Out Advice About Pain. As Jimmy "In Too Deep" Berluti walks through the door, Bobby says, "What's up?" The Lump relates something about one of his cases, then sort of hesitates and looks really uncomfortable. Rod asks if that's all Jimmy wanted to talk to him about, which, of course, it isn't, and the Lump starts explaining that he's got some pro bono work that he really needs to do. Emperor Rod asks quietly, "What's wrong?" Jimmy muddles about the explanation for a bit, but Bobby's not buying it, and finally the Lump spits out that the guy is his bookie. Bobby, instead of screaming, or yelling, or throwing his arms up in anger, scrunches his eyebrows together. Throwing a fit using a facial expression is a new one for Bobby. Jimmy says, "I don't gamble anymore." He's definitely learned his lesson. The Symphony Of Gullible Gamblers rises to the occasion. Bobby asks how much Jimmy owes, and Jimmy tells him. Bobby does some more face acting, this time more of a gasp than anything else, and Jimmy gets up, explaining how the bookie's got him for a good chunk of change. Blah it started small, blah just to make the games more interesting, blah last season was okay, better than okay, blah he started thinking he knew what he was doing blah. Bobby ignores Jimmy's descriptive dance and gets right to the point: "What's the case?" The Lump sits back down and explains that Spanky's ex-wife is suing him for fraud. Spanky won the lottery, and his wife claims he never told her. Bobby: "Lottery? For how much?" Jimmy: "$100,000." Pause. "He says he bought the ticket with segregated funds, the lottery commission is holding all the money until the ownership issues are settled." And anything Jimmy can get for Spanky over seventy comes off of his tab. The Lump insists it's one day's work, two at the most, and Bobby just sits there, looking a mixture of perturbed and genuinely concerned.
The Courtroom Where They Discourse On Pain. A television in the courtroom plays a tape of a variety store hold-up. The detective on the stand is narrating, blah the attendant did everything right, blah she stayed calm, blah she didn't look at the thief, blah public service announcement blah. The cop says, "But he shot her anyway." Pause. "It's a miracle she didn't die." Hunky DA -- ah, welcome back, we missed you last week -- says, "When did you arrive on the scene?" Within minutes, there was another woman in the store -- an eyewitness, Martha McKee, who called the police. What happened after you arrived? Mrs. McKee gave them a description of the shooter. Then they pulled the surveillance tape and started looking for the shooter. They found the defendant on a stoop drinking beer with a couple of his friends. According to the detective, "He was dressed just like the guy on the tape. Same sweatshirt and everything." Hunky DA wants to know what happened . Well, they placed Martin under arrest and searched his pockets, finding over five hundred bucks. Blah they showed a photo six-pack to the witness, and she too picked Martin out. Okay, why didn't Hunky DA ask the cop how much was stolen from the register? See, if they were really doing detective work, they should have taken the tape from the day, subtracted the float, and determined the exact amount that was stolen. Then, if Martin was carrying that same amount, he probably committed the crime, but there are about a hundred logical explanations behind his simply carrying around that amount of cash: he just got paid, he was paying his rent, he owed the money to a friend. Come on, prosecution, you can do better than that. I hate it when the cases are so "stacked" with evidence that really doesn't make any logical sense.
Any. Way. Lindsay gets up for her cross-examination. Did the clerk make a positive identification too? No. She couldn't identify the shooter. All she knew was that it was a white male. Did they find the gun? No. Hunky DA makes some notes on his legal pad. Oh, Hunky DA, want to make some notes on me? I'll be your legal pad -- oh, wait, did I say that out loud? I'm blushing. Did they find any fingerprints? No. He was wearing gloves. Did they find the gloves? No. Okay, so they arrested Martin because he was wearing a sweatshirt and carrying some cash? Sounds like these police officers need a good lesson in how to fill out the details.
Whoosh. Damn. We'd made it through four episodes without a whoosh. Martin and Lindsay are sitting in a client room. He mumbles, "It went good, didn't it?" Lindsay insists that it looked like him on the tape. Martin says half his block has a sweatshirt like that. She insists that the prosecution has a witness. He jumps in: "Who's wrong." Yes, but she's "unequivocal." Blah the witness has a great résumé blah. Martin screams, "But she's wrong." His eyes start to bulge out of his head. Veins are popping. Lindsay tells him he needs to calm down, in that snotty way of hers; then she explains why they can't put him on the stand because of his prior record. Martin: "What, for getting high and stealing some CDs? I don't take off stores and shoot people." Of course, rousing chorus, "because he's innocent." Lindsay believes him, but she met with the witness and spoke with her, and she's worried that the jury will take the witness's word. Martin: "That can't be enough to put me in jail." Yes. Knocking hard on his wooden head, Lindsay explains that it's enough to put him away; Mrs. McKee is an eyewitness, which essentially makes the prosecution's case. Put that together with the cash he was carrying, and damn, Martin is in trouble, which makes him very unhappy. He wipes all the papers off the table in A Fit Of Frustration of the sort usually reserved for an Emperor. Lindsay wipes her nose. The music points up Lindsay's difficulty with her client. She states, "These are the questions you will be asked." Martin holds his head down: "All the money I got I carry. It just, makes me feel big, you know?" Pause. "So, why all of a sudden do you think I'm going to lose?" Blah Lindsay's court acumen, blah she didn't like how the jury was looking at him, blah the police officer was credible blah. Oh, and if Martin was hanging out with his friends, drinking beer, doesn't that mean he has an alibi? Damn, these paper-thin but on-the-edge-of-drama cases drive me to distraction. More tension-building crap: blah if they lose Martin will get attempted murder, that's fifteen to life. Lindsay: "And your mother not showing up, that didn't help." Sure, kick the guy when he's completely down, Lindsay. Martin fights to hold back the tears. Then he holds back the years. Then he asks Lindsay to promise that he won't go to jail. And she can't make that promise; she wants him to plead out, because the non-cards are so very heavily stacked against them. Or, rather, DEK's too lazy to develop a logical case with real evidence. It's all about the drama, and man, does that ever make this show unbearably melodramatic.
The Conference Room Where They Book The Pain. Jimmy is talking with Spanky. He explains the problem behind the timing of the lottery ticket purchase. Apparently, Spanky's divorce didn't become final until a week after he bought the ticket, meaning that his wife is still entitled to half the winnings. Spanky picks up the file and asks, "Why is this a problem?" Blah legally she's entitled to half blah. Well, the bookie didn't hire Jimmy for a legal "opinion," he hired Jimmy to keep his ex-wife from getting any of the money. Blah segregated funds blah. He kept the money aside in anticipation of the divorce, and he bought the ticket with that money. Jimmy's not arguing, but he doesn't know if a judge would believe him. And if the judge thinks that he's committing fraud, he could award Spanky's ex-wife all the money, and that's what Jimmy is most worried about. Spanky says, "Listen to me. I already give her six thousand bucks a month -- more than I have to." Jimmy: "Which we will point out." Spanky: "Just to keep her yap shut about what I do." Jimmy: "Which we will not point out." Blah his ex-wife gets her nails done and bangs her boyfriend, blah this is how she shows her gratitude blah. Damn. Jimmy wants to try to settle the matter out of court. Spanky screams, "Why?" Simply because Jimmy doesn't want the case coming down to his demeanor or his word of honour because, well, he's a bookie and they really can't be trusted. The Lump wants to set up a meeting. If he can manage to get the ex-wife to agree to forty, leaving Spanky with sixty, well, that's a good outcome. The bookie smiles, points to Jimmy, and says, "But that does you no good." Yes, Jimmy knows that, but man, the judge could switch it around or even award the entire settlement to the ex-wife. Now that would really suck, and Spanky sure thinks so too, because he says he'd kill his wife first. Jimmy's face falls. The Melody Of My God Why The Wives rises. Maybe that should be their strategy, Spanky says -- tell her to walk away for health reasons. Jimmy: "Are you threatening her?" Nah, he wants Jimmy to intimidate her. Again, the Lump asks, "Are you threatening her?" Spanky's somber mood lightens; he smiles, and says, "No, of course not." Pause. "Just get my money." Ah, you know the wife is going to end up dead now, and you know the bookie is going to claim that he's innocent. You know, we'd really like to see a plot on this show that does not involve husbands or wives killing each other or their respective lovers. Enough is enough; leave the damn wives alone.
The Courthouse Which Houses Lots Of Pain. Hunky DA is giving Mrs. McKee a pep talk about her testimony for tomorrow's trial. Mrs. McKee is worried that Lindsay is a shark, swimming around the courtroom, waiting to eat her right up. There's a knock on Hunky DA's office door, and he yells, "Come in!" Lindsay enters, sees Mrs. McKee, and says, "Oh, I didn't know you were busy," even though we all saw her skulking outside the door, waiting until they were finished. Alan closes the door, and Lindsay barks, "She's wrong about the ID." Blah she was scared to death, blah she was focused on her fear, and blah eyewitnesses are unreliable. Alan: "I'm not pleading out." Come on! Martin was sitting two blocks away, wearing the same sweatshirt -- how stupid could he be? Exactly -- if he had the mindset to ditch the gun and the gloves, why wouldn't he ditch the sweatshirt too? Nothing about this freaking case makes any sense. Oh, it drives me nuts. Alan and Lindsay bicker about the money. He sits down and crosses his hands across his lap as he leans back, you know, like he's the cool kid in the cafeteria. Damn. He's cute. He's very, very cute. Right, The Practice, there's a case going on, something about a kid wrongly accused of attempted murder. So, Alan offers up twelve years, and that's the best he can do. Lindsay says, "Come in with five and I'll sell it." Nope, he's still offering twelve. Lindsay retorts, "He's nineteen. Twelve years in prison and he'll never recover." Alan: "Can't do it." She's asking for a favour. He apologizes. And that's the end of that.
The Conference Room Where They Debate Marital Pain. Rod walks into the room and asks, "When's the settlement conference?" Lump replies that it's in twenty minutes. He moves around the table and Rod shuts the door, asking, "So when did all this start?" Slam. Jimmy says he started with nickel and dime bets to make the games more interesting. Then he upped it to make his "life more interesting." Ah, poor Lump is feeling unfulfilled. Yawn. Jimmy twelve-steps Rod, and considering that he didn't even have an inkling of a gambling habit over the last four seasons, it shouldn't be that hard for him to kick the problem. Then he blathers on about how he ended up at The Firm -- he forged some loan documents and ended up getting fired from a bank, "that's [his] legacy." Rod interjects, "That's not your legacy." Okay, Coach Donnell, really lay it on this time: "If you're trying to tell me you're not smarter than this, I'm not buying it." Blah he's not gambling any more, blah he appreciates Rod's concern, blah he thanks Rod for keeping it a secret. In the nick of time, Lucy announces that Stuart Miller is here with his client, Linda Hart, who is doing a really bad impression of Rosie Perez in that horrible film, It Could Happen to You. Bobby looks at Jimmy: "You okay to do this?" Yes. He's just fine.
A phone announcing Some Pain rings in Hunky DA's office. He answers it and says, "Speaking," because anyone having his card and then calling his number might not assume it's really him on the phone or anything. A terrible grating noise masquerading as music trumps up. The camera pans around his lovely head to look at his lovely face while he's speaking on the phone. "When?" Tuesday night at four? "Oh God." Yes, I can't wait to see you either. "Yeah, okay." I'll see you then, babycakes.
Kenny, Master DA, says, "How?" Hunky DA spits, "Heart attack." Pause. "She was just in my office. It happened on the drive home. She's D.O.A." Damn. And this was the only witness? Yes. She's due to testify . Kenny asks if there was any recorded testimony. No. Alan shakes his pretty little head. The case is weak. No gun. No prints. And there's no way he can sell what little evidence he actually has. Damn, without an eyewitness the judge will knock him out with a Rule 25 before it even gets to a jury. Alan purses his pretty little lips. Kenny: "Any chance she'll put the defendant up?" Nope, Lindsay's too smart. Alan thinks they're dead. And then a big wheel of fire comes barreling into the room, wiping out the Master DA, but not before Alan can mutter, "Hey. They've killed Kenny." Wait, Master DA has a thought -- an evil thought by the looks of it -- and says, "Does Dole know the witness is dead?" No, Alan says, she doesn't. The Melody Of Their Madness rises as Master DA says, "There's still time, plead it out." Bong. "Excuse me?" Bam. "You heard me." Bong. "I think I have to tell her." Bam. "No you don't." Blah it's not exculpatory evidence, blah she doesn't need to know anything about this, blah plead it out and plead it out quickly. Alan rubs his pretty little hand over his pretty little face. Oh, don't you just love it when he's torn between right and wrong?
The Conference Room Where They Pretend To Divorce Pain. Jimmy "Big Trouble In Little Lottery" Berluti wants to make the proceedings amicable. Mrs. Bookie takes offense. The ex-couple bickers. Mrs. Bookie's lawyer says things are simple: the ticket was purchased before the divorce, the money was won before the divorce, and the lottery winnings are marital property. Except if the ticket was bought with segregated funds. Mrs. Bookie's lawyer wants to know if Mr. Bookie kept any kind of financial records indicating that it was, in fact, segregated. He claims he kept it "in cash." Mrs. Bookie claims her husband doesn't even lie well. Jimmy: "Anger isn't going to help us here." Mrs. Bookie: "Anger is all he left me with. He divorced me because he won the lottery." Ah, Spanky screams, that's not true, the marriage was dead, they were no longer intimate and they didn't communicate. More bickering. More name-calling. Then Mrs. Bookie orders her lawyer to play the tape. He doesn't think it's a good idea. Jimmy says, "What tape?" The lawyer explains that it shows events from July 14, just before Spanky won the lottery. Jimmy: "What is this?" The lawyer says it pretty much speaks for itself. He puts the tape in the VCR in the corner of the office. Mrs. Bookie snarks, "Don't you think I kept records of certain things, Sid?" Wow, sounds like they had a lovely marriage. Many faces look aghast as the tape actually plays. The lawyer does a bit of a running commentary: "This would be your client here, with the female undergarments, and that would be my client there with the apparatus, my client is on top of your client --" Jimmy screams for him to turn it off, as it would seem that Spanky's sexual practices are somewhat embarrassing to the Lump. "First of all, it isn't relevant." Well, nope, you are wrong there, Jimmy -- especially because the Spanky claimed the two of them weren't having sex any longer. Damn, looks like Spanky's spankiness has carried on over to The Practice from Teaching Mrs. Tingle. Looks like Spanky just can't stop, well, spanking things other than the monkey. Seems the marriage wasn't necessarily dead, and this tape proves conjugal intimacy. Now, Mrs. Bookie wants seventy, and she'll give her husband thirty. Then she barks, "Just bend over and take it, Sid. You never minded before." Damn, poor Spanky. He just sits there, stews, and doesn't say anything. He looks like he's going to kill his wife, which is the usual course of action on this show when you a) don't like something about your wife, b) don't like something your wife is going to do, and/or c) want to get around actually dealing with your wife.
Lindsay chases Alan down the hall, carting along some polygraph results. Martin passed with flying colours. Alan doesn't believe her. She tells him Martin is innocent, again. She asks him for a favour, again. Only this time, Alan bites, offering five years and five more probation, and he has to waive parole. Lindsay looks pleased. She doesn't hear me screaming "don't take the deal, the witness is dead" at the television. No, her ears are too damn full of the stupid Melody Of Bad Mistakes. Poor Lindsay -- I actually feel really, really bad for her right now, and I feel even worse for her mousy, pimply-faced client about to do five years of hard time just because he happened to be wearing a green hooded sweatshirt.
Lindsay meets Martin in the client room. He doesn't want to go to jail for five years for something he didn't do. Lindsay assures him it's a good deal. "No," he screams, "the guy who shot that woman is still out there. Don't they care about that?" Obviously not, and Lindsay doesn't care about it either; she doesn't want him in jail for twelve years if doesn't plead. Martin: "But it's not the truth!" Lindsay yells at him to forget about the truth, because that's not how things work around there, especially when she can't win the case. Ah, poor Martin looks like he's about to burst into tears. Lindsay: "Five years, you still have a life left; twelve, and you don't." Martin looks at the ground, but he'll listen to Lindsay, because she's the lawyer and he's just the innocent kid about to be railroaded.
The Courtroom Where They Commit To Serious Amounts Of Pain. Alan informs Judge Wilcox that they've come to an agreement. Martin rises and affirmatively answers the judge when he asks if he's changing his plea. Then the judge asks Martin some questions. Is his decision to change his plea being made voluntarily? Yes. Did you talk about it with your attorney? Yes. Blah evidence, blah jury deciding your guilt, blah waiving all these rights blah. Martin stutters, but agrees. The formality continues, and the judge asks Martin to establish a factual basis for the guilty plea. Martin mumbles, "What she said." Pause. "My lawyer already told you I'm pleading guilty." Wilcox explains, while calling him "son" in that patronizing older-man-who-knows-best sort of way, that he needs to state exactly what happened, or else the court can't accept the plea. Martin is in miles of emotional pain. He just doesn't want to do this; he doesn't want to plead guilty, he didn't do it, and saying that he did is like pulling teeth. It's awkward, and difficult, he stumbles, "I did what the prosecutor said I did." The judge fills in the blanks: "You robbed and then shot the woman in the convenience store?" Yes. As to the charge of attempted murder, you wish to plead guilty? Yes. And that is that -- the defendant is remanded into custody, Lindsay asks if he's okay, he doesn't answer, and they cart him off to prison. Lindsay walks over to Alan and thanks him, saying she won't forget his little piece of kindness. Wow, how long is that going to last? Not very, judging from the pained expression on Alan's pretty little face.
Back from commercials, Spanky is yelling at Jimmy, "This is no good. I'm due fifty, I hire you to get me seventy, and now you're advising me to take thirty?" He slams his paper on the desk: "It's not a good result." The Lump says he'll go to trial if that's what Spanky wants, but he can't guarantee his success at either keeping the tape out of court or securing a better result. The bookie should just settle the case if he's worried about people seeing the tape. Because blackmail is always the best way to win a case. "And just let her win?" Jimmy doesn't know what else to tell him, and man, that is not the right answer, because Spanky has a really pissed look on his face.
Cut to Lindsay, with her feet up, reading the paper at her desk. Eugene quips, "You look comfortable." Yeah, between a trial and a baby at home, if Lindsay has a quiet moment, well, she's going to seize it. Ellenor jumps in: "Have you got a problem with that?" Eugene smiles; no, he does not have a problem with it. Lucy walks in, asking if Lindsay has seen the obituary pages from the paper. Because she was just perusing them while on a break of her own? Yeah, like that's plausible. Any. Way. Lindsay sees that the prosecution's witness in Martin's trial died of a heart attack. And, man does that set her off, because the time we see Lindsay...
She's barreling into Alan's office, screaming, "You knew she was dead!" He points at the door and mumbles something about Lindsay yelling. She screams that she's only using a firm voice, and continues to assert that Hunky DA knew Mrs. McKee was dead. And with that, she throws the paper at him: "This case was over. Without that witness you had to dismiss." Not necessarily. Alan looks mighty uncomfortable. Lindsay yells, "This is fraud!" Hey, her client committed attempted murder, and five years is a gift. Lindsay: "I'm filing a motion to vacate the plea and then I'm going straight to your supervisor." Master DA steps in just then, saying, "Let me save you the trouble." He heard the mermaids singing, "Ah Lindsay is Angry," "Ah Lindsay is Mad," "Ah Lindsay wants Justice," "Ah Lindsay is Sad," and hopped right on over. Master DA informs Lindsay that "Mr. Lowe was acting under [his] direction and with [his] complete approval." Lindsay gives him a cold thunderous stare: "Oh, so this was a conspiracy to mislead me?" Blah ethical boundaries, blah this is crap, blah you lied, and blah you withheld material evidence. Their response: Blah you got the deal you were asking for blah. Lindsay says, "Are you serious?" Kenny says, "We did nothing wrong." Lindsay looks at both of them in disgust and storms out of the office.
The Firm. Lindsay is pacing. The Emperor holds up his princely hands in an effort to ward off all the negative energy emanating into the room from Lindsay's karma. He tells her to calm down. She barks, "Don't tell me to calm down, you calm down." He quips, "Okay. I'm going to take a second and calm myself down." That was the wrong answer, because Lindsay yaps, "You think this is funny?" Cue moral outrage: "I think this is disgusting." And all three of them (Eugene is standing there too) should go into court, but they can't go in with emotion. Lindsay says that Martin would have walked, and now an innocent kid is doing five years for something she essentially organized. Bobby wants Eugene and Rebecca to do some research into whether or not it truly is exculpatory or maybe a denial of due process. Eugene nods and leaves the office. Bobby tells his wife she needs to set forth a declaration stating exactly what Lowe told her. Lindsay: "We can't let them get away with this, Bobby, we can't." Lucy walks into Rod's office; when he asks if there's something he can do for her, she replies with a stricken look, "Jimmy's case is over."
Police cars surround a suburban house. Jimmy parks his car in front, gets out, and walks toward the house. Police tape surrounds the perimeter. A uniform cop holds up the yellow tape as the Lump ducks under. Detective Mike asks what Jimmy's doing there. The lawyer asks if he can see what happened. Mike insists that "it's not going to make" Jimmy's day. As they walk into the house, Mike relates that the shots were heard less than an hour ago. Jimmy asks if there were witnesses. Not yet. Mike says, "Your client is over here." Jimmy walks toward the flashing lights of forensic guys taking multiple pictures of the crime scene. He looks stunned, then says, "That's not my client actually." Bam. There's Mrs. Bookie, splayed out on the carpet, shot to death. "I represent her husband." Mike says he heard they were going through a divorce. Yeah, Jimmy replies, and when Mike asks if he knows where his client is right now, the Lump, in a sort of trance, says, "No." Hold up your hands, those of you who thought she was going to end up dead? Everyone? Yeah, that's what I figured. Yawn. They always end up dead on this show.
The Jail Where They House Innocent Amounts Of Pain. Martin asks if he can take back his plea. Lindsay "The Quick and the Plead" Dole isn't sure, because she's never heard of something like this happening before. Martin: "So, when you were convincing me to plead, the witness was already dead?" Yes. Blah we're going to fight this Martin blah. Blah I'll do everything I can to make up for the fact that the prosecution made a big pansy out of me. Wah he told everyone he was guilty when he stood up in court, wah he didn't do it, wah. Lindsay explains that she's got the entire firm on the case now. Does she think they'll win? They've got a real chance, and this isn't over by a long shot. Martin looks like he's about to burst into tears. Poor guy. Too bad we'll never know if he really did it or not, because no one ever deems it necessary to, oh, I don't know, investigate the evidence or anything.
The House Of Police Pain. Jimmy walks past the interrogation room where the police are holding Spanky. He asks Detective Mike if there are any listening devices in the room. Mike shakes his head no. The lawyer goes into the room and closes the door. The bookie says, "Do you believe this? They think I whacked her." Right, like they would actually have any other suspects? Dude is not only greedy, he's totally delusional too. Jimmy asks if he did kill his wife. Well, Spanky is totally shocked that Jimmy would even ask such a thing. Yeah, and the lawyer can check his alibi if he wants to really be sure he's innocent of this heinous crime. Jimmy: "Did you have it done?" Spanky wants Jimmy to get him out of custody. The lawyer sits down at the table and asks, "What have you told them?" Nothing. He just asked for his lawyer. Period. The Music Of Miscalculated Misogyny plays a riveting tune in the background. Spanky hisses, "Get me out!" Damn, he's a demanding client.
The Courtroom of Judge "Let's Inflict the Pain" Wilcox. Kenny insists that the plea is valid. Bobby argues that it was a violation of due process, that it was made in bad faith and the DA's office committed fraud. Bobby snaps, "You deliberately withheld evidence." Blah exculpatory evidence blah, blah the fact that the witness died had nothing to do with whether or not Martin actually committed the crime, blah. Well, the client accepted the plea. Lindsay stands up and screams, "But it was extortion." She goes on to explain that Martin maintained his innocence and only took the plea because she forced him to. Kenny argues that all defendants take chances; they all gamble with plea bargains, but the law doesn't permit the guilty people the ability to change their minds when they find out the prosecution's case is weak. Lindsay gets up on her feet now -- you know she's really, really mad -- and starts rambling on about the prosecution's lack of fundamental fairness. Ah, the shoe is on the other foot now, and she really doesn't like it. This episode is all about karma; The Firm takes all kinds of liberties with the law when it serves their purposes, but when the prosecution doesn't play fair, wham, the entire system is about to crumble. Blah the system has to work on trust, blah the DA's office violated that trust. Kenny thinks the system is doing just fine. That is, until a meteor hits the courtroom, lands right on his head, and Alan jumps up, saying, "Hey, the aliens have killed Kenny." Oh, now Lindsay gets a bit out of control, she starts calling the DA a liar, screaming about being pushed into a plea instead of true justice, and finally she screams, "Let me talk," when the judge says it bothers the court that she forced Martin into taking the plea in the first place. And just when you think that Wilcox is going to throw her in jail for contempt, she calms down, slightly. The glum music has a calming effect upon her. "We make our decisions, and yes, we force our client's hands based on the case they have, and whether they can make their burden." She looks like she's about to burst into tears. "This case was a lie." Pause. "A knowing lie, which my client relied upon to his detriment."
The three freedom fighters are waiting for the judge's verdict. Lindsay asks if she "lost it." Rod says, "A little." But hopefully her passion "will count." Eugene looks at his watch: "He said twenty minutes." Oh, it's not looking good for poor Martin -- not good at all.
The Firm. Jimmy closes the door after Spanky enters the room and sits down. He says, "As far as the police are concerned there's still no evidence." Of course, that's because he's innocent. Man, this episode is full of fraud and innocence. Are there no other legal issues they could possibly deal with on this damn show? It's murder this week, murder week, attempted murder, half-baked murder, half-hearted murder, angry murder, murder for hire, murder for vengeance, and does anyone get murdered in this town without the DA or The Firm being personally involved? Anyway. Spanky wants to know about the status of the lottery winnings, because he's so broken up about his poor wife's demise. Well, his wife's estate can still make a claim for the cash; does he want Jimmy to follow up on that? No. He's going to find another lawyer, if it's all the same to Jimmy. Fine. They're done then. Ha! No, Jimmy still owes Spanky the money. Jimmy plays hardball: "I think we're done, Sid." Come on, he's got debts to pay off, but Jimmy doesn't budge: "What do you say you walk out that door, forget my debt and I'll forget how you threatened your wife." Spanky snarls, "It's privileged." Nope, bodily threats don't apply to privilege. Spanky threatens Jimmy right back: How come Jimmy didn't say anything, especially if he thought Sid was going to hurt his wife? That doesn't look good for the Lump. Jimmy didn't hear the "threat" because he just wanted to pay off his debt, and now, a woman is dead. Sid says, "Truth is I got more on you then you've got on me." Jimmy gets up: "I'm asking you to get out of this office, now." Sid claims that Jimmy is "making [him] upset." And from what Jimmy has seen, does Spanky respond to stress well? Jimmy snarls back, "You're threatening me now?" Sid bangs Jimmy on the arm with his newspaper -- of course not, but he does want his money, and Jimmy's got a week before bones get broken and heads roll.
Hunky DA, Master DA, Lindsay, Bobby, and Eugene all file into Judge Wilcox's Chambers. The judge explains that he wants to talk to them off the record for a portion of the result, and that's why they aren't in the courtroom. Alan starts blathering on about office policy and court reporters. The judge shuts him down; he doesn't care about office policy. Kenny says they're fine without a court reporter. The judge thinks that the due process in this case sucks. Kenny starts to dance, but the judge tells him to "save it." Blah deny the motion to withdraw the plea, blah the judge doesn't want to embarrass the DA's office in public. Blah he's disgusted with their conduct, and it sickens him that the two of them can't see that what they did was wrong. Kenny: blah the law blah. Martin's guilty; he should rot in jail. The judge sniffs and threatens Kenny with contempt; Kenny doesn't bite, but instead blathers on about being officers of the court who don't need to be railed on for acting within the bounds of the law. In short, if the judge had a choice, he would set aside the plea, but he just can't. Lindsay begs him. The judge can't throw out a knowing and voluntary plea on the grounds that have been presented. He looks to Lindsay: "You negotiated what you thought was a good deal." She could have challenged the evidence or gone on with the trial. But the plea must stand, and the defendant's motion is denied. Kenny the Conqueror looks mighty pleased with himself and Lindsay looks mighty pissed.
They file out of chambers and into the hallway. Lindsay, Bobby, and Eugene walk toward the elevator, but before she steps on the car, she changes her mind and charges toward Alan. Bobby yells, "Lindsay!" Lindsay reams out Alan, who is probably thinking that the Battle of the Bulge over on Band of Brothers is better than sitting through one of Lindsay's takedowns. Blah I asked you for a favour, and you played it like one, blah I won't be forgetting this, this was dishonest, blah an innocent kid in prison who might not be able to live with your actions blah.
Nighttime at The Firm. Jimmy is doodling on a pad numbly at his desk. Lucy zips up her bag and says she's leaving. Asks Jimmy to lock up, and then wants to know if Spanky really whacked his wife. He says Sid says he didn't do it. Lucy responds, "Yeah, right!" And then they say goodnight. Jimmy takes a deep breath and then logs onto an online betting site. He uses his credit card and takes a good long look at the spreads. Yeah, Jimmy's gambling problem is over -- right. It looks like this is just the beginning.
Holding Cell at the County Jail. Martin and Lindsay are talking about the results of the day's proceedings. She explains that he's going to a maximum-security prison in Concord. Lindsay will petition the department of corrections to move him as soon as possible. He tunes out as Lindsay says she'll ask that they designate him a vulnerable inmate and try to get him into solitary to keep him safe. He looks kind of like Opie, only goofier, if that's even possible. As Lindsay blathers on about their game plan moving forward, her voice fades out, and we focus on Martin's face as it finally sinks in that he's going to prison for a crime he didn't commit. Then we fade to black.
week: Jimmy's gambling gets even more out of control. I bet you can't wait for that storyline to continue.