Bobby “The Rod Is Not Enough” Donnell and Ellenor “Look Who’s Talking Too” Frutt walk toward a holding cell at the County Jail. As they enter the cell, they are greeted by Percy Wetmore from the movie The Green Mile. I guess Doug Hutchison is slumming as this week’s “Special Guest Star.” Bobby announces that the prosecution made an offer of thirty years. The client scoffs and continues to hold the grated window so he looks tough in the presence of the Emperor. Neither Bobby nor Ellenor makes a step toward the table to sit down. Bobby says it’s not unusual for a case involving two murders. Jackie has a serpentine tattoo on the arm that’s grasping the cell window that makes him look even tougher. He protests, “One murder! If you ask me it was a public service killing. The other one, the kid, everyone knows he was just an accident.” Ellenor interjects to state that, under the law, Jackie’s “accident” is felony murder, and he’s looking at a double life sentence. Jackie takes a step forward and sits down: “Let’s go to trial.” Rod blathers on about Jackie wanting to take out his competition, the man he killed was a small-time dealer, but Anthony Helpburn was an innocent kid who didn’t deserve to get shot in the head. Jackie looks calmly at his lawyers and says, “If I gave you the impression that I had anything to do with those killings that was a misunderstanding.” He crosses his hands in front of him. “We are going to trial.” Ellenor insists that they have a weak case. Jackie insists that, if they were actually working on the case instead of sniffing around for pleas, the situation might be different. The Rod points his Philosopher Of Scum finger at Jackie as he alleges that he can’t put Jackie on the stand without suborning perjury. With his record, Jackie can expect consecutive life terms with no chance for parole. Jackie: “I’m not going to lose.” Bobby throws his hands around in disgust: “They’ve got an eyewitness.” Jackie thinks they needn’t worry about that. Bobby: “What do you mean?” Insert hands being tossed around like a salad. Jackie responds, “We don’t need to worry about him.” Damn, there goes the Emperor’s other hand. “I interviewed him myself.” Hands rest. “He’s very credible.” Jackie repeats that they don’t need to worry about the witness. Hum -- do you think he’s got something shady up his sleeve or what? Ellenor and Rod exchange some knowing glances. Bobby blithely slides into the chair facing Jackie. He tosses his briefcase to the left. He intones, “You’re going to have to tell me what that means, Jackie, because I know you’re not going to harm that witness.” Jackie “Son Of Mob” Cahill says, “I’m in jail -- what can I do?” The Jailhouse Rock version of The Jackie Cahill Smooth Jazz Song warms up the already hot interior of the cell. Bobby insists that they're already in enough trouble. He doesn’t want Jackie to make it any worse by intimidating a witness. Jackie mumbles, “Okay. I understand.” Rod screams, “Look at me.” A snarling Jackie gives Bobby a totally flat look and says, “I understand.” Translation: Oh, that poor witness who had the misfortune of getting mixed up in this crap.
Okay, it’s the end of the world. There are two choices available to me to ensure that I survive the total and utter destruction of all humankind. My choices: I can have a lobotomy and be cryogenically frozen until someone finds me, or I can go underground with only the theme from The Practice to listen to for all eternity. I’m going to go with the lobotomy.
The Firm Where They Worry About Clients Causing Pain. Oh. My. Gosh. Rebecca is alive. She’s not still in her coma. She’s actually talking. She wants to know if Cahill actually threatened the witness. It’s the usual full-firm powwow where they discuss, at length, the troubles with their cases. Usually it’s DEK’s excuse to prove to the rest of the viewing audience that Rebecca is still a character on this damn show. Ellenor thinks Cahill kind of did threaten the witness. Eugene wants to know what she means by "kind of threatened the witness." Ellenor repeats that Jackie said they didn’t need to worry about the witness, and she didn’t think he was talking about Bobby’s cross-examination skills. Mrs. Rod thinks they need to tell Bay. Ragdoll wonders how much it costs the two of them to leave their kids in daycare, and -- what, neither of these women breastfeeds? Moving on. Jimmy hopes Jackie means that the witness is a friend, or that he’s got proof the witness is lying. Lindsay snaps, “Yeah, right.” Eugene turns to Bobby and asks, “What did you say?” Rod says he “laid it out.” Eugene decides for the two of them by stating that they shouldn’t say anything. Leaving aside what Jackie the Jackass meant, the conversation is protected by attorney-client privilege, and if they aren’t sure, they can’t reveal what he said, crime impending or no crime impending. Lindsay, in that tone -- you know, the one all dripping with “I know what’s best” and “I’m the biggest bitch” and “I’m the wicked witch” -- slams her fingers with alarming force upon the table and exclaims, “We don’t need this.” Pause. Hair flipping. Pause. She looks over to her husband: “You were just on trial for conspiring with a client. If you don’t say anything and a witness ends up dead you could end up facing obstruction charges.” Rebecca -- and yes, they let her talk in this episode -- says, “If there’s any chance this witness is in danger you have to say something.” For the final word, Rod turns to the Lump, Knight Hopelessly Devoted To The Emperor, who says that the two of them were the only two in the room. Wow. He’s sure got some powerful observation skills. Not. Ellenor wants to lay down the law with Jackie again and then decide whether or not to say something. Bobby sighs his agreement, and then tops off his sigh with a little air punch for luck.
The Witness Room Of Jackie’s Pain. Ellenor is laying down said law. Jackie claims that, back in his “shrink” days, the doctor told him that, when he’s feeling powerless, he acts more brave and tough. Murdering Drug Dealer -- The Musical comes up as Jackie continues, “Now my life’s been taken away from me. I’m sitting in a cell all day. My future is in the hands of this eyewitness. I guess I just wanted to feel more powerful than him, and so I said that.” Ellenor and Bobby don’t look convinced. I’m thinking Jackie liked life a little better when he was the one doing the locking up in The Green Mile, not being the one behind the bars.
The Trial Of Murderous Pain. A girl rather closely resembling Lisa from Boston Public is on the stand, relaying the events of the death of her boyfriend Anthony. This is the kid that Jackie shot “by accident.” Shockingly, her name is Lisa too. My cat cuddles up beside me. She knows I need some love. We bond. We snuggle. We giggle at how ridiculous DEK can be sometimes. Oh, right. The trial: Blah Anthony had just brought me home blah. Talking in the car blah. Richard “Bemused, Besmirched And Bewildered” Bay asks, although he knows it’s hard, if Lisa remembers where the car was parked. Yes. It was in front of her building. Ellenor has the Lara Flynn Boyle eye make-up troubles today. The Sonata Of Life-Sucking Incidents rises up so we take notice of the “seriousness” of Lisa’s testimony; blah her boyfriend was going to play basketball for BU blah. Blah half smile, that’s all he could talk about sometimes, cracking voice blah. “Then the windows started breaking.” Richard: “On which side of the car.” Lisa: “His.” Pause. “He’d been shot.” Richard: “Where?” Lisa, with tears in her eyes: “In the head, and he just looked at me. He didn’t understand what was happening.” Um. If I were Bobby, I would have objected. How the heck does she know what Anthony was thinking when he got shot? The whole thing could have happened so fast that he might not have had a clue about anything. Bam! And you’re dead. Or maybe his life was flashing by like at the end of American Beauty. I know it’s callous but puh-lease, enough with the grandstanding already. First Ellenor consoles Lisa about how hard it must be to testify; then she asks if she saw the person who shot Anthony, or if she saw Jackie at all. The answer to both of Ellenor’s questions is no. In the jury box today, we have Scowling Man and Shiitake Mushroom Head Woman. Ellenor has no more questions, but she does say, in a muted, reserved sort of tone, that she is sorry for the loss of Lisa’s friend. The judge asks Richard to continue. He stands up and calls Detective Mike to the stand.
Mike says the intended victim was Michael Biggs. When Detective Mike and the rest of his band of Merry Men arrived at the scene, Biggs was facedown in front of his building, as dead as a doornail. Whatever that means. Richard asks if Mike was able to ascertain the direction of the shooter. Of course, Mike says the shooter came from the other side of the street and opened fire. The detective also mentions that stray bullets were found in the building and in various parked cars. Why do they consider Biggs the intended victim? Detective Mike: “We found him lying facedown. He’d been shot six times: twice in the legs, three in the chest and once in the head at very close range.” Richard leads Mike on by asking how he knew Biggs was shot at close range. Well, if you must know, there were stippling burns on his head and neck, meaning the gun could have only been six inches away. Mike: “We considered it an execution.” Cut to Bobby’s cross, where he does that smarty-pants “I’m asking but I’m really telling” lawyering: “You didn’t find a gun at the crime scene, did you?” No. There were no fingerprints either? Correct. Bobby brings up the fact that Biggs was a convicted drug dealer. Then he says, “That’s a dangerous business, isn’t it, Detective.” Mike snarls, “Ask your client.” The Emperor objects. He’s horrified that anyone other than his wife should use such a tone with His Majesty. The judge points the Detective back on course. Bobby “Who Wants To Be A Rodinaire” Donnell looks pleased with himself and continues, “After the shooting, did they find my client anywhere in the neighbourhood?” Mike says, “No.” Fact is, Jackie grabbed his gear and turned himself in, isn’t that correct? Mike says they’d already searched Jackie’s house and his bar, so “he knew [they] were going to make an arrest.” A-ha! That’s exactly Bobby’s point. Mike falls directly into the Emperor’s trap: why would a guilty man, who had three days to leave the city, the state, the country, walk into the precinct and answer questions? Richard looks sullen. His ears are glowing, and that’s never a good sign.
Outside The Courthouse Of Jackular Pain. A dopey tall guy asks Richard, who is standing beside Helen, if he’ll “be up there long.” Nope, but Richard explains the procedure (don’t they have offices for this sort of thing?) and tells Dopey Witness that he’ll have to point to Jackie in open court. Helen interjects to explain that the defense may keep him for a while because he’s their entire case. Rod and Ellenor are going to do everything they can to tear him apart. It’ll take a lot, too -- this guy’s huge, like, Viking huge, and instead of "Mr. Ross," and I’m going to call him Guy the Viking. Guy the Viking quivers a bit in fear of the proceedings. Helen and Richard offer him up four shoulders of support. My cat is back beside me. She left for a minute to catch her breath. Or take a nap. Mmmm. Nap. As Richard sees Bobby approaching, he taps Guy the Viking on the arm and says, “We’ll see you tomorrow.” Bobby’s shoes snap along the hallway. He looks over toward the witness and asks, “He’s not in protective custody?” Good giveaway, counselor. Richard, whip-smart and candy-assed, wonders why Guy the Viking should even be in protective custody. Bobby thought that all witnesses for big cases were kept in protective custody. Helen responds by stating the obvious: “This is a murder case.” The Emperor still thinks they should be keeping an eye on him. A light bulb miraculously appears over Richard’s head. I think that's what’s lighting his ears up. “What are you saying?” Bobby says, “Nothing.” The Polka Of Protective Witnesses trills for a moment. Apparently, Bobby’s “radar” says to “protect your witness.” With that, a giant helicopter flies over the courthouse, doctors and nurses jump furiously into action, and a couple of fake lawyers wonder what to do with the information that hasn’t been given to them. See, I think they’re “reading between the lines.” This DEK, he leaves nothing to chance.
Oh. The Season Finale. Oh. Joy. Oh. Bliss. On Mother’s Day no less.
New Day In The Jail Of Never-Ending Penal Pain. Jackie “One Night At McDonnell’s” Cahill is pacing as Bobby explains how he thinks the rest of the trial will go. The prosecution has one more witness, and then they’ll rest. Jackie says, “They’re guarding his house.” Bobby wraps his hands around each other like a cinnamon bun. Rod looks taken aback that a) Jackie would know this and b) that he would bring it up at all. The slippery one wonders “why the hell” the cops would “do that.” Ellenor is convincing as she says, “It’s a murder trial, Jackie. I’m sure it’s routine.” Nah. He doesn’t think so. If the case were federal, maybe, but state -- nah, they won’t protect a witness unless they think he’s in danger. Jackie makes the necessary connections, but Bobby does a good job of defusing the situation: “Richard Bay is a smart man. He doesn’t need me to know his witness should be protected.” Jackie smarts, “That’s not exactly a denial, Bobby.” The verbal banter continues; Bobby accuses Jackie of sending someone out to spy on the witness, and Jackie in turn threatens his lawyer. Who in turn threatens Jackie. Who in turn screams, “Who said I was going to take him out. I never said I was going to take him out!” Ellenor, the only sensible one in the room, tells the two of them to stop with the antagonism and focus on the case, because it doesn’t look so good. This shuts both of them up, but it doesn’t stop the barreling steam cascading from Jackie’s ears. He sighs and holds his fingers up to his face like a gun: “What if I have an alibi.” Bobby snits, “What are you talking about?” Okay, is Jackie paying Bobby for the attitude, because it sure seems like he’s giving some good tone. The Sonata Of Surprise Alibis throws Bobby off course as he exclaims that he can’t offer alibi evidence in the middle of the trial. Apparently, there is a procedure they need to follow. They have to let the prosecution know in advance. What the hell is this alibi, anyway? Jackie snarls, “I am innocent! Do you get that? And this alibi is legit.” Bobby screams, “Why didn’t you tell me about it sooner?” Jackie pauses. We all feel the dramatic tension. Yawn. Ellenor repeats the question: “Why didn’t you tell us about this witness before, Jackie?” Well, because there’s a warrant out for his arrest in New York, and he didn’t want to come forward because it’ll mean jail time for him. This stops Bobby for a second, but only a second; you can see the wheels turning.
The Elevator Where Pain Walks, And Talks. Bobby curses up a blue streak. Ellenor tells him to calm down. If Jackie says he has an alibi, it’s his defense. As defense lawyers, that’s what they do, they interview “the guy” and they put him on the stand. Bobby: “If the judge will even let us.”
Cut to Judge’s Chambers. Where, of course, everyone is arguing about the “alibi” witness. The two sides find a compromise. Bobby’s side argues that their client has the right to put on a defense. Richard’s side claims that this short notice has left them ill-prepared. Team Firm proposes that the DA’s office interview the witness for discovery outside the presence of the jury. Team DA wants to reserve the right for exclusion if the witness’s story needs further investigation. Well, it looks like Jackie’s caught a break with this one; the judge agrees to let the witness testify in closed court.
Back to The Witness Room Where Jackie Heralds His Pain. The client is not pleased with the fact that his alibi gets “bitten” by the prosecution. Bobby snits some more about the surprise nature of this story, opening his hands like he’s lying in baptismal waters. Jackie wants to know if there’s a new offer on the table. He thinks, by the mere fact that this “alibi” exists, that the DA should be fawning all over him. Ellenor: “I don’t think you grasp this particular DA, Jackie. Richard Bay isn’t just being good. He is pathologically competitive. He’d want you to get life even if you were innocent.” Jackie reasserts that he is innocent. Sure you are, Jackie. Sure, we believe you. Okay, no. No, we don’t. Bobby explains how the testimony is going to work. If the witness checks out, the prosecution will need a continuance to prepare. If the witness doesn’t check out, then the trial will simply pick up where it left off. Ellenor wants to know how “airtight” Jackie’s alibi actually is.
Courtroom Of Alibi-Bye-Pain. The room looks very, very empty without all the fake court reporters, jurors, and strange people in attendance. A fellow who looks somewhat out of place on the set of The Practice is sitting on the stand. This fellow would perhaps be more comfortable sitting in the Bada Bing. In fact, this is a fellow who takes "stereotype" to a whole new level. Apparently, Jackie was at his bar the whole afternoon. Richard asks, “And he never left?” Alibi With Attitude claims that Jackie was never out of his sight. While he was serving, Mr. Cahill was “doing the books.” Richard wants to clarify whose bar it is, Alibi With Attitude’s or Jackie’s. AWA’s name is on the liquor license, but Jackie is an investor. See, clear as mud. Richard asks how AWA came to testify. After pointing at Jackie and then at himself, AWA says he came down of his own volition -- he just wanted to help. Yawn. We all know where this is heading. Richard wants to know why he didn’t come forward sooner. AWA explains about the outstanding warrant in New York. So, as Richard sums up, AWA would rather testify and go to jail then see Jackie sent down for murder. AWA is simply a Good Samaritan. Right. Richard wants to know if there are other witnesses, someone else at the bar that might have seen Jackie or the AWA. This question stumps AWA. Then the DA wants to see the books Jackie was working on, and as The Blitz Of Bogus Stories bums the D-Fence right out, AWA claims he “lost them.” A-ha! Crescendo! Wagging fingers of defeat. And at this time, the prosecution has absolutely no problem with the witness. Jackie, dude, you should have made sure the AWA at least got his story straight before you dragged him out.
In The Witness Room Where Criminals Lie About Pain, Bobby exclaims, “We can’t put him up there.” Jackie fumbles around a bit, claiming that AWA is still an alibi and that they can’t prove he’s lying. Except that whole part, well, you know, where he lied and all. Ellenor says they wouldn’t have to prove AWA is a liar because he walks, talks, even smells like dishonesty. By putting him on the stand, they’d be handing the verdict over to the prosecution. Jackie whines, “Why the hell didn’t you protect him?” Man. This character expects a lot from his lawyers. He expects them to pull a rabbit out of a hat and a defense out of their asses. Bobby explains that the questions Richard asked in there weren’t objectionable. Then he says he thinks they should consider the deal. Jackie roars, and I mean ROARS, “No-o-o-o-o-o-o!” It’s like he’s about to be devoured by a giant asteroid. Bobby screams something about them being trapped in corner and having no options. Jackie yells back that he wants them to “Plan B” someone. With his hands flailing around like kites on speed, Bobby screams, “We cannot win this case.” Jackie and his Symphony Of Stupid Shootings sit down. He takes a deep breath. Then he says he’ll think about taking the deal. For some reason, Ellenor feels it is necessary to add an addendum to the conversation: “You think we don’t like you.” Pause. “Which is true. You think because we don’t like you we are not doing everything we possibly can. Which is not true.” Jackie grudgingly calms down for a minute.
A Garage. Yes. That’s right. A garage. One that’s impeccably clean and has a pint-sized motorbike in the corner. The door opens, and a sedan drives in slowly. It’s Richard! He gets out of his car, and as he slams the door, the garage light is switched off. Then the door shuts. Richard, with a tinge of Fright Night in his voice, stutters, “Is somebody there?” Suddenly, someone slams him into the wall of the garage. Then a mysterious man puts a gun beside Richard’s head that is already smashed up into the wall. The man says, “This is simple. If the case against Jackie Cahill doesn’t go away. You will.” Richard moans in uncomfortable pain. Real pain. Not just the pain that I insert whenever I feel the need, but actual grunts and groans. “The only reason you’re still alive is because you’re still useful.” Heavy breathing. More groaning and grumbling from the Runt. “You do not want to win this case.” Pause. “Do you understand?” You can barely see his head above the gun. More threats -- if “we” want you dead, then you’ll be dead, you know, that sort of thing. Then the mysterious attacker leaves the garage and Richard stays extremely still, trying incredibly hard not to burst into tears.
Commercials. Ah, a break from the pain.
Richard’s Office, Where He’s Reminded Of His Pain. Helen is sitting in a chair, lambasting her co-worker for not going to the police. Richard doesn’t want to report the incident to the police because of the trial. He’s a utilitarian. He’ll put his life after the bettering of society. Helen grumbles along, blah you’re an officer of the court, blah it’s your duty to report this blah. Richard: “He said if I told the police I’d die.” Helen: “You’re scared.” Richard: “Yes.” Even if he did file a report, he couldn’t identify the attacker, because both his voice and his face were disguised. Helen thinks they could dust his garage, they could find witnesses in his neighbourhood, hell, the police could “investigate.” Then she threatens him too, because what Richard needs right now is not an understanding friend with a soft shoulder but an out-for-convictions letter-of-the-law bitch who’ll tell the police for him. He looks nonplused. Helen yammers on about calling Detective Mike and putting Richard in protective custody, and all the while, she’s packing up her briefcase. Sure, she’s concerned. This isn’t just another day at the office for Helen. What. Ever. Then she says she’ll have to tell Bobby. “Why?” Simply put: “Because he has to know.” Helen just sort of takes over deciding all of this for Richard; then, as an afterthought, she asks if he’s okay with continuing the trial. Hell, yes. He’s not stopping for anyone or anything -- he’s going right and going hard for a conviction.
The Firm Where They Employ Pain. Helen fills Bobby and Helen in on Jackie’s latest exploit. Then she cracks, “Does he know that knocking off the DA won’t do much? We do have more.” Heh. Bobby admits that they told Jackie that Richard was a hard prosecutor, but not to worry, the Emperor will “set him straight.” Ellenor shakes her head and says, “Idiot.” Blah Richard’s bent on continuing blah.
When confronted in his holding cell, Jackie says incredulously, “I’m as shocked as you are.” Ellenor asks if Jackie thought that killing the DA would actually do him some good. See, even though he keeps saying he’s innocent, Jackie oozes guilt. Then he wants Ellenor and Bobby off the case because of their bad attitude. Bobby snaps that the judge won’t let them at this point. Then he throws his hands around for good measure. Just so Jackie knows he’s serious. Jackie: “What if I told him that your disgust prevents you from doing your best work.” Hah -- apparently Bobby does his best work when he is the most disgusted. Thus, the trial goes forward, yeah, and going after Bay? Yeah, that’ll get you nothing. Jackie rebuts, “Nothing? You underestimate the value of a smile.” Are you as confused as I am? “It’s the simple pleasures, Counsel.” And that means…what? That it makes Jackie smile to think about Richard’s pain? That it makes Jackie happy to revel in other people’s fear? What a strange little wiener.
Jackie’s Trial. Guy the Viking is giving his testimony. He heard loud pops that sounded like explosions. Then, when he looked up from inside his car, he saw a man walking across the street, firing. The bullets were going everywhere. Richard clarifies, “This was in daylight.” Yup, the middle of the day. Blah what happened blah, the man kept shooting at the guy who was lying on the sidewalk, blah he walked up and shot right at the guy’s head. How far away was Guy the Viking? Maybe sixty feet, no more. Richard looks a little startled, but he continues. The music prods him on like a cattle pusher. “Do you see the man who was shooting that day?” Guy the Witness points Jackie out by using his entire arm in a Rod-inspired gesture. Richard asks that the record reflect that the witness identified Jackie Cahill. Then, as Richard says “nothing further” and moves over toward his table to sit down, the music stops. Bobby is up for cross-examination. Well, Guy the Viking was taking a nap just before the shooting started. He works two jobs. He “dozed off.” Bobby reels off the whole “you were sleeping how do you know what you know you heard” argument. Blah did you only see him from the side; blah you were scared; blah you ducked down in your car. Guy the Viking: “But I saw him. It was him!” He points again toward Jackie. Bobby makes some snarky comments about Richard’s instructions for testimony and then sits back down. Richard asks, and is granted, a re-direct. Only, when he gets up, the music prevents him from speaking for an instant, maybe two. Then he strides forward toward the witness box, exclaiming, “The windows of your car, they’re tinted?” Yeah, Guy the Viking says. He got a good look at Jackie, but Jackie couldn’t see him, and when Richard asks him for the third time if he knows who shot Biggs, Mr. Ross points again at Bobby’s client. Oh, this is not looking good for the D-Fence. The Commonwealth rests. The D-Fence rests. This one’s going to be short and sweet, music or no music.
Jackie’s been in the witness room so many times during this episode that they’re going to dedicate it to him. He’ll be present at a big naming ceremony and cut a lovely red ribbon with some oversized shears. “How do I not testify?” The client asks for answers. The lawyers tell him he can if he wants to. Ellenor reminds him that if he does testify, all Jackie’s priors will be impeached. And besides, what can he really say? Jackie says he’ll tell the jury the witness was wrong. Oh, good, that’ll work, especially with that whole perjury issue just flying out the window because it feels like walking in the fresh spring air. Right. Good thinking, Jackie. Both Bobby and Ellenor think that Jackie’s testimony would only hinder their case and bolster the witness’s testimony. Jackie walks over to the window and back again: “Okay. Get me a meeting with Bay.” Rod wants to know why. “I want to re-open the plea bargain.” Bobby doesn’t know if a plea is possible this late in the game, so he tries to put Jackie off, but Jackie's not having it -- he wants to meet with the DA himself.
The Meeting With Jackie To Discuss The Pain. Richard fixes his tie and scrambles along beside Helen as he asks, “He’s in the witness room?” Helen plays nursemaid for a minute, pretends she’s in bed with Nicholson, and tells Richard he’s sweating like a pig. She’s a bad girl. He’s fine. In they go. Jackie is sitting at the head of the table, Ellenor is seated to his left, and Rod is standing on his right. Jackie’s hands are clasped in front of him. As Helen asks what the hell the meeting is about, Bobby’s hands buzz around his client’s head. Rod says that Jackie wants to re-open the plea negotiation. Helen snaps, “Why? Are you not feeling confident, Mr. Cahill?” Then he starts in with the mind games, blah dee Helen’s sexy blah, blah does she know that blah, he could throw her on the table and have sex with her blah, any interest blah. Well, after typing that, I feel the need to shower. Ew. Richard grimaces, but Helen’s cool as a cucumber; she opens the door and calls the guard in to handcuff Jackie to the chair. I’m surprised that Ellenor and Bobby don’t call off this crap, but I guess they have no choice but to sit back and listen to this ridiculous idiot ramble on about shagging the DA. Then Jackie turns to Richard, who offers forty years. Bobby argues the merits. Richard sticks to his guns. Jackie quips, “This little prick doesn’t even think I’m guilty.” Finally, Ellenor chastises him, but that doesn’t stop Jackie’s mouth from running away from him: “If he really thought I killed two people, what did he think I’d do to him if he convicts me?” Oh, so dude called the meeting so he could threaten Richard in public. Yeah, there’s smarts for you; there’s four witnesses that can now testify to his actions. Idiot. The Theme Of Threatening Mini-Thugs clamours on about how Richard must really think he’s innocent to have the balls to come into the room. Bobby tells him to shut up. Ellenor tells him to shut up. Hell, even I scream at the television for him to shut up. And yet the posturing continues. Helen stands up for the DA’s office: “You think you scare us, Mr. Cahill?” Jackie retorts, “You, me and this table. Five minutes.” Oh. She’s shaking in her boots now. Jackie’s, like, half the size of her and he looks like Barney Rubble. Richard turns to Helen and says, “Let’s go.” The two of them leave. Well, that did nothing except make Bobby mad. He sits down and yells, “How stupid are you? Saying that in front of him?” Jackie explains quietly that he was talking to his lawyer -- attorney-client privilege, the total defense for the stupid on this show. Bobby screams something about threatening the DA and about how Bay could still add charges. Jackie seems confident that he won’t, though, because he knows when a guy is scared. He thinks his little mind jerk will throw Richard off for his closing. Jackie has some skewed logic, blah prosecutors are only working for the DA’s office because they can’t find real work, blah they don’t care about winning, blah if Richard thinks he’ll pay a real price blah, he’ll think twice. Um. Yeah. Crackpot. Bobby whispers, “Listen to me. Are you going to do something to him if you lose here?” Jackie doesn’t admit anything, but he does say that Richard has to think that he will. Ellenor: “Why?” Jackie: “Because it’s my only chance.” Oh, please. Someone, please stop the continuity police; they’re threatening to arrest DEK for obstruction of believability.
Richard’s Office Where They Discuss Jackie’s Insane Amounts Of Pain. Helen says she’ll close. Richard says he’ll be fine. She claims he’s “rattled.” He’s fine. He’s prepared and he’ll do the closing. Richard won’t let Jackie intimidate him. Helen says the Runt “doesn’t have to be the hero here.” He doesn’t have to hold out until the end of the night. He doesn’t want to be free or want to be right; he just wants to hold out into the night. He’s holding out for a hero. Then Kevin Bacon does a little dance in some sawdust. Oh, sorry, wrong recap. Richard claims it’s not about being a hero. It’s about being himself -- this is what he is, he’s a DA, and if he starts letting defendants scare him then what is he? Helen guesses he’d be human. Richard doesn’t fall for it; he’s prepared, he's ready, and he’ll close.
The Morning Before The Trial. Richard sits on the edge of his unmade bed. The clock to the right tells us it's six-fifteen in the morning. Boston is beautiful at sunrise. The DA is dressed and sort of meditating with his hands clasped in his lap. He sort of nods his head, and I guess that means he’s ready to go.
We fade into the courtroom, where Bobby is giving his closing arguments. Blah Jackie volunteered himself, blah he expected a police department looking for the truth, blah conspiracy theory blah. No physical evidence. No murder weapon. Nada. No proof of Jackie’s guilt; nothing to suggest that he even knew the victim. Blah the entire case is built on the Sleeping Non-Beauty blah. Good job, Rod; now sit down and shut up. Richard pauses for a minute and then stands up. He buttons his jacket and faces the jury. Blah prosecutor crap blah, keep it simple, focus on the facts, blah, truth, blah. Richard: “If you believe Mr. Ross you must convict the defendant. And you should believe Mr. Ross. He had a front-row seat for these murders.” Richard defends Guy the Viking, spells out the scene of the crime, notes that it was broad daylight and that there was no way Jackie could have known there was a witness. Except for the part about choosing to shoot the guy in broad daylight -- nah, he wouldn’t have expected anyone to be around on a busy Boston street in the middle of the day. Blah courageous witness blah, Jackie’s guilty blah, two men are dead, and Mr. Cahill is so cold-blooded that he killed them in broad daylight because he’s arrogant. Well, Richard’s got that part right. The Runt is impassioned. He turns to Jackie and says, “You’re a killer. You’re a coward. And thanks to the jury you’re about to get what you deserve.” Blah Jackie thinks he’s untouchable, blah prove he’s wrong. Good job, Richard; now it’s your turn to sit down and shut up.
The Firm. Rod is holding his progeny. He relates the details of Jackie’s sick “meeting” with the prosecution. Both Rebecca and Eugene are stunned that Bay’s not pressing further charges. Oh, Ellenor’s baby is there too, and apparently she puked most of her food up on Eugene. After smirking something about going out for dinner, Mrs. Rod goes to take her child from its father. The phone rings; Lucy, shockingly, answers it. The verdict is back in Jackie’s trial. Looks like Lindsay won’t be having any fancy dinner tonight.
The letter is bandied about like usual. For once, justice is served, and Jackie is found guilty on all counts. Richard looks vindicated. As he’s being cuffed and dragged away, Jackie says, “Bobby, will you start working on my appeal please.” Rod thinks he needs to get himself another lawyer. The scene is orchestrated rather severely as Bobby looks over to Richard’s chair and sees that it’s empty.
In the parking lot elevator, Richard complains that “I’m fine” to Helen and Detective Mike, who both ask if he wants to keep the security. Is there a point? Mike thinks that there’s no point in hurting Richard now, because the trial is over. Yeah, except that whole issue entitled Revenge. A car squeals through the parking lot and alarms the three of them, and against their better judgment, Richard doesn’t want to keep the security. He repeats that he’s fine again, says that his car is right over there, and mutters goodbye to Helen and Mike. Richard walks quietly over to his car, and another car comes up and parks behind him. A nice, old grandmotherly woman rolls down her window and asks, “Are you leaving?” Richard, who was holding his briefcase in front of his chest, sighs in relief and answers, “Yes.” Then he mutters to himself something about the fact that the woman is “eighty” and he shouldn’t be so jumpy. She smiles and waits patiently for him to get into his car. Richard turns the car on, shaking his head, and the lady pulls forward, revealing a machine gun. Yes, that’s correct, A MACHINE GUN. Instantly, both the car and Richard are riddled with bullets. After the attack car squeals away, one tire of his car is flattened, his body is punctured by lots of bullet holes, and we see Richard’s bloody head fall on the steering wheel. Damn. He’s dead. Damn. He didn’t even have time to duck.