Ellenor and Jimmy are walking through a corridor when they run into Richard the Runt. Ellenor says, "Richard," to which Richard replies, "Never mind." Um, what? Ellenor's annoyed too, and says, "What do you mean, never mind? I called your name." Richard whines, "With a tone." This little jerk has a lot to learn about professionalism. Anyway, they discuss making a deal on a case; he offers voluntary manslaughter. Ellenor says she'll make a deal for involuntary manslaughter. Richard says he can't, that he has marching orders. He reminds her that the crime is on tape, and that there's a "public outcry." Ellenor argues that public sympathy is with her client. Richard says that he's giving her voluntary manslaughter for a premeditated murder. He asks, "Why can't you ever take a gift and smile?" He scuttles off, leaving Jimmy looking helplessly at Ellenor.
The scene is a woman (Marlee Matlin) in a prison uniform, signing. Ellenor is signing and speaking to her. For those who don't know, Camryn Manheim is a skilled ASL interpreter who supported herself for many years with it. You can read all about it in her excellent autobiography, Wake Up, I'm Fat! I was wondering if they'd get around to using this fact on the show. ["She appeared on a Law & Order episode as an attorney versed in ASL a few years ago." -- Sars]) Ellenor is telling the woman, whose name is Sally, that the DA's offer is a good deal, and that their only possible defence is temporary insanity. Jimmy watches and listens quietly. Sally insists that she wasn't insane and doesn't want to say that; Ellenor tries to persuade her that they should jump at the deal. Sally asks how much time she would have to serve; Ellenor says that it would probably be a sentence of about eight years, and that she might only have to serve three or four of those years. Jimmy says, with Ellenor interpreting for him, that the problem is that she shot an unarmed man. He admits that if someone had raped and killed his daughter he might have done the same thing. He adds, "But the problem is, you planned it. If we go for a 'not guilty' on the elements, you could be going to prison for life. Take the manslaughter." She considers it but refuses. Ellenor tells her the trial will start tomorrow, and that they'll see her at the courthouse. Sally shows little emotion and has a resolute look on her face. Credits.
All the lawyers except for Lindsay are meeting in the conference room. They're arguing about Sally's case; Bobby can't understand why she wouldn't accept the deal. Eugene asks if Ellenor told Sally the odds of beating this rap; Ellenor says she knows. Rebecca asks if they're arguing insanity; Ellenor indicates Sally won't do that either. Bobby blusters, "Who's in charge here?" Ellenor reminds him that the client is the one in charge. ["And then she requests that Bobby step down from his massive ego trip; she'll even loan him a ladder. Okay, maybe that's just me screaming, 'Get over yourself!' at the television set from my plaid couch." -- ragdoll] Bobby starts to harangue Ellenor but she just cuts him off, saying, "Bobby, don't lecture me!" Bobby points out that they're trying the case in front of Judge Hiller, and that she won't let them argue nullification. Bobby asks if they have a psychiatrist who'll testify that Sally was insane. Eugene says he's got a Dr. Tippett on standby; Ellenor re-asserts that Sally will not agree to that defence. Bobby complains that the case is all over the news, and that if Sally gets convicted on murder one, they'll be the ones played for idiots. Ellenor inquires sarcastically, "Oh, so this is about our ego?" Well, actually, it's about Bobby's ego. As usual. Bobby says, "Partly, yes. But it goes with her best interests." Bobby orders Ellenor to go back to the client and try to get her to accept the temporary insanity defence; and if she won't, then to file a motion withdrawing as counsel. Ellenor looks pissed. Jimmy says that it's just like their rabbi case, and that maybe they could argue moral duress again. Bobby insists they can't, because of Hiller. He lays down the law: either she accepts the deal, pleads insanity, or they withdraw. What a humanitarian.
Back at the courthouse, Sally waits in a meeting room. I can't help but wonder if they've padded Marlee Matlin's clothing, since she looks much heavier than she does on The West Wing, and her appearances on that show couldn't have been filmed all that long ago. (As I finished the recap, I just remembered hearing a rumour that she's pregnant; if so, that would explain it.) Ellenor and Jimmy come in, and without any fanfare, give her the ultimatum. If they're going to trial, they have to plead insanity. Sally refuses again. Ellenor explains that they will not get anywhere arguing jury nullification, but if they win on temporary insanity, Sally could avoid prison altogether. Sally's getting upset and is signing her views to Ellenor; Ellenor keeps talking about how this is her best chance and she has to let them do their job. Suddenly Ellenor stops talking and signing and slams her hands down on the table, looking angry. Jimmy asks what Sally said; Ellenor tells him that Sally called her a bitch. Hey, Sally, if you think Ellenor's a bitch I can't wait for you to meet Lindsay and Helen. Ellenor tells Sally, "Look, I don't need you and I don't need this case! You could get life, I don't really care!" Then Ellenor stops talking but she and Sally continue signing furiously at each other, while Jimmy watches a little nervously, with no idea of what they are saying. Finally Sally stands up and leans toward Ellenor and says, "He killed my baby!" Ellenor continues signing, and Sally listens for the most part until making a gesture of disgust and frustration and turning away from Ellenor. Still signing, Ellenor whispers clearly enough for us to understand, "Let me do my job! Let me do my job." Ellenor makes a final plea and Sally looks somewhat resigned. She makes a last gesture which causes Ellenor to exhale. Jimmy asks what's going on. Ellenor explains that they're pleading temporary insanity, and looks at Sally somewhat sympathetically. Sally just looks pissed. ["This scene was so moving; you know why? Because for once the friggin' music wasn't playing. Do you think they're finally listening to us, deborah?" -- ragdoll]
And whoosh, we're in Richard's office. Helen pops in. Tellingly, Richard asks, "To what do I owe this?" Notice he omits the word "pleasure." Helen informs him that she was just assigned second chair on his case. Richard is annoyed (one of his only two modes) and wonders why this is felt to be necessary. Helen admits that she asked to be put on it, and tells Richard he's under review. Basically, because this is a high-profile case, and he's lost some big cases of late, there's some concern. Also, Helen claims Richard has lost his "poise," especially when he's up against Ellenor. She reminds him that it's an election year and there could be changes. Richard's slowly grasping that his job may be on the line and that Helen is trying to help him. She points out that he's also been something of a loose cannon. No kidding. Richard reluctantly decides to accept the situation.
Over at DYD&F, Lindsay and Bobby are arguing. How refreshing! It seems that there's been a big invitation snafu. Bobby is asking incredulously, "Three hundred and ninety people?" Lindsay claims it wasn't her fault; the idiot at the stationery shop made a mistake. Instead of sending invitations to the guest list only, she also sent invitations to everyone on the wedding-announcement-only. Apparently Bobby and Lindsay imagine that there are close to four hundred people who would actually care one way or another that they got married. I laugh until my ribs hurt. At this point Rebecca wanders in and pleasantly asks what's going on. Run, Rebecca, run! Run for your life! Bobby tells Rebecca what happened and continues griping at Lindsay, who keeps saying it wasn't her fault. Which may be true; on the other hand, if she wasn't too much of a princess to address her own damn invitations, maybe it wouldn't have happened. (Hmm . . . guess who spent umpteen hours making all the invitations for her wedding by hand, never mind addressing them? Cranky? Me?) Bobby continues to blame her, saying that she was in charge of it all; Lindsay counters that that was only because she couldn't get Bobby interested in any of those details. They go back and forth, Lindsay complaining that she has to do everything. Bobby says that if it were up to him, they'd elope. Lindsay tells him to plan it. Bobby complains that he doesn't even know three hundred and ninety people, much less three hundred and ninety people who can even stand him enough to attend a wedding and drop the bucks for a Cuisinart. Okay, I know you know I embellished the last part. But it's still true. Rebecca tries to intervene, suggesting that they're both "acting out," as if either of those two know any other way to behave. Without so much as looking at Rebecca, Princess Lindsay snaps at her to "stay out of it" and huffs out of the office with Bobby hot on her heels. Rebecca says to herself, "Okay, I will stay out of it."
Back at the courthouse, Richard questions a cop at Sally's trial. An interpreter stands beside the witness box to sign everything for Sally. The cop explains that they had just taken Mr. Whittier into custody when he saw Sally Berg approaching from across the street; he says he and his partner both instructed her not to approach, but she ignored the order. He says she pulled out a gun, saying something about her daughter, at which point they drew their own weapons but it was too late. Richard announces that he wants to play the videotape now, and Judge Hiller instructs the jury that the footage was shot by a local news team and that both parties have stipulated to its admissibility. Richard plays the video, which shows the usual media circus outside the house where Michael Whittier is being brought out in handcuffs. A reporter is commenting on the proceedings, and indicating that he has been arrested for the rape and murder of seven-year-old Jessica Berg. Richard pauses the tape and directs the jury to pay close attention to the right side of the screen, and then continues playing the tape. The cops are walking Whittier to their vehicle when suddenly he's shot twice by a woman whose back is to the camera. Sally watches the tape impassively. Of course, the crowd goes wild as he falls to the ground. Sally's a pretty good shot, at least one of the bullets should have gone straight into his heart. The tape ends shortly thereafter. Richard asks the cop to make a positive identification of the person who fired the shots; of course the cop testifies that Sally Berg did it. She looks at the cop with no trace of remorse.
After the commercials, Lucy decides to take a shot at talking to Bobby. I guess with half the lawyers out of the office she wasn't getting enough abuse. She starts by saying, "Look, Bobby, I don't mean to be nosy, but . . ." Bobby says, "You don't mean to be nosy? Since when?" She mentions the fighting between him and Lindsay, which he denies. Lucy says, "Well, she's fighting, but . . . you're just not involved enough to realize it." Bobby asks Lucy if it would be possible for her to stay out of it. At that moment Lindsay storms in and throws two huge books down on Bobby's credenza by the door, and barks, "Foley depo!" He thanks her. She then asks him snarkily (if that's not a word, it should be) if he managed to remember that they go in for their marriage license today; he testily says yes. Lucy decides to leave, sort of; she hangs out listening by the door. Bobby asks Lindsay, "What is your problem?" She claims she has no problem; he brings up the invitation screw-up again. Blah blah blah, I do all the work, I have to do everything. Well, you're the one who wants a big-ass wedding, Princess. He wants to elope. Do the damn work and shut the hell up. He brings up the fact that earlier she complained that he was controlling everything (though he's not willing to use the word "control"); she snaps that that was the church and his "dead mother's dress." But when it comes to all the "work," he can't be bothered. (Yeah, I guess it is a lot of work to write a cheque to someone for addressing all your invitations.) I wonder why she felt the need to call it his "dead" mother's dress -- I mean, Bobby knows perfectly well that his mother's dead. And I don't think the fact that the dress belonged to someone who's now dead has any bearing on its wearability or desirability. In fact, that dress was hideous, and I'm pretty sure Lindsay wouldn't have been willing to wear it if his mother were still alive. So just shut up about his "dead" mother. In fact, just shut up. Then, Bridezilla drags out one of the oldest ones in the book, "I don't think you even want to be married!" In unison, Bobby and I say, "Here we go!" The Princess of Petulance says, "Don't 'here we go' me! If you 'here we go' me one more time, I am going to scream, okay? Do you hear me?" Lucy is getting more and more concerned at her post by the door. The argument keeps degenerating into immaturity and peevishness and I just can't transcribe any more of this idiotic dialogue. Finally Princess storms out, and as she passes Lucy, who hasn't said a word, she snaps, "Bug off!" Lucy says to Bobby, "Nice to know you can make her scream." The dialogue just does not even bear commentary, it really doesn't.
Thank God we get to go back to the trial. It's pretty sad when the trial of a woman who killed a man who raped and murdered her child is more entertaining than feuding fiancé(e)s. A camera operator is testifying; as a videotape plays, he's commenting on it. This videotape, however, is shot from a different angle than the one played during the cop's testimony. The person who shot this tape was facing Sally, and the videotape shows her approaching from across the street, pulling out a gun, shooting Whittier at point-blank range, then quickly dropping her gun and raising her arms in a gesture of surrender. The cops immediately grab her and cuff her; her face, both on the tape and in the courtroom, remains relatively expressionless. We get a shot of some guy in the back of the courtroom with a dubious look on his face.
In one of the breakout rooms, Dubious Guy turns out to be the shrink, Dr. Tippett. He's withdrawing from testifying. He claims he never thought Sally was insane to begin with, although he was prepared to say that she might have been. But having seen the tape, which he never saw before (which certainly seems like poor prep on the part of DYD&F), he thinks Sally was very clearly calm and composed. Ellenor doesn't think that proves she wasn't in a rage. Dr. Tippett allows that she may very well have been in a rage, but they're asking him to testify that she couldn't distinguish between right and wrong, and he will not do it. He feels that her gesture of putting her hands up indicates that she expected to be arrested, and that means she knew what she was doing was wrong. Ellenor's mad, but Tippett claims that the defence was already a stretch and he simply can't stretch it that far. Eugene says that he's done it before. Tippett says, "No, I haven't, Eugene! And certainly not on television!" So I suppose you'd be willing to do it if you weren't on television? Nice ethics. Then he's on about his professional reputation, blah blah blah. Ellenor complains that they are paying him (ten grand) for the testimony; he says he'll refund the money. Eugene and Ellenor both argue at once that he can't jump ship, and that he's their only expert witness. Tippett says he will not commit perjury, and pretty soon he's outta there. When he leaves, Ellenor asks, "Now what?" Eugene says they should get Dr. Lanning. Jimmy asks, "Dr. Dope?" Eugene replies, "At least he'll say what we want. Let's page him. He should be here for Sally's testimony." Ellenor's pretty unhappy.
In Richard's office, he and Helen talk over lunch. Helen thinks she should do the cross-examination of Sally. Richard's instantly touchy about it; Helen argues that she can come off more sympathetic than he can. Richard replies, "You? Sympathetic?" Well, she sure can fake it when it's necessary, anyway. Helen's thinking is that it's a woman on trial and that it will make more sense to have a woman cross-examine her, and also that she can "go softer" than Richard can, because that's not his strength. ["Pul-lease. She's about as soft as sandpaper, and not the fine, woodworking kind, the hard, scratchy, granular kind." -- ragdoll]Richard stares at Helen for a moment and asks how close he is to losing his job. Helen says she didn't say that, and asks him to forget about ego and concentrate on getting the conviction.
The camera grazes across the front of Boston City Hall. A pleasant-looking blonde bureaucrat has the distinctly unpleasant job of issuing Bobby and Lindsay their marriage license. Bobby and the Princess are very terse and snippy with the clerk. Princess is particularly so, slapping her blood test results down on the counter and snatching the obligatory AIDS pamphlet from the clerk's hand. When the clerk finds out Lindsay's middle name is Suzanne, she giggles a bit and points out that her initials are LSD. The Princess is not amused. Bobby says nothing but merely looks as if someone told him that a prostate exam he just had was unnecessary. The clerk asks for twenty-five dollars, which Bobby chucks on the counter. (Twenty-five bucks? What a deal. Our license was one hundred Canadian dollars , which is about fifty US bucks. And that was three years ago. God knows what it costs now.) Both of them take off, and the clerk has to call them back for their license. Bobby grabs it and leaves without a word. The clerk says quietly, "Have a wonderful marriage . . ." You know it, sister.
Back in the world that does not revolve around Bobby's and Lindsay's egos, Sally is testifying. She's calm but looks sad. She's describing the abduction of her daughter, explaining that she had been gone two days when the police called, saying they thought they had found her. They requested that she come to the coroner's office to make an identification. Sally indicates that she identified her daughter's body. In response to a question from Ellenor, she says that she has no other children, and that Jessica's father died three years ago. Ellenor asks about how she came to know that Mr. Whittier was a suspect; Sally explains that she saw it on the morning news. It was reported that Whittier had confessed to his psychiatrist and his psychiatrist turned him in, and that the police were planning to arrest him. I'm kind of under the impression that impending arrests of suspects who are not fleeing are not usually broadcast as news. Wouldn't it have been more convincing for her to have shot Whittier while he was being put in a vehicle after making his first court appearance? Whatever. Ellenor asks if Sally knew Mr. Whittier; becoming more emotional, Sally says that he was Jessica's soccer coach. Ellenor asks her to describe what she did the morning she shot Whittier. Sally says she took her gun, drove to Whittier's house, and parked two houses from it. She saw that the police were already there; she just waited for him to come out so she could kill him. Ellenor asks Sally to tell the court what she was thinking when she approached him. Now she's crying in earnest. Sally says, "I was thinking about . . . about Jessica. Her last minutes . . . how she probably couldn't understand why this was happening to her . . . what was going through her mind when his hands were around her throat . . . when he was . . . when he was inside of her . . . She was only seven. She was only seven!" Her agonized sobs fill the courtroom. Judge Hiller looks like she's going to cry. Helen looks vaguely uncomfortable. Some of the jurors are crying; all the male lawyers look very serious. Ellenor waits patiently, letting Sally's sobs cut through everyone. ["Insert ragdoll's heart breaking here." -- ragdoll] Very powerful effect for such a short, simple scene; Marlee Matlin was great. Camryn Manheim is great too: compelling without having to masticate the scenery.
Now it's time for some idiotic commercials. Afterward, Rebecca tries to talk to Bobby about the stupid wedding. Why, why, why does anyone care? Anyway, she lectures Bobby on his lack of involvement and says that she doesn't blame Princess for being mad at him. He claims all the details are "so trivial." Rebecca says it's a big deal to Lindsay, and that it's the biggest day of her life, and that should mean something to Bobby. He claims it does. Rebecca tells him to show her that, and lectures him to stop being on the hustle all the time and concentrate on Lindsay. "Lindsay's your life." Well, then, God help you, Bobby Donnell. He seems to consider Rebecca's words. I swear, Lisa Gay Hamilton's skills are just wasted on this stuff.
Helen is cross-examining Sally. She's wearing her severe little ponytail that is just so unflattering. time she renegotiates her contract she should insert a clause that protects her from having to wear her hair this way. Helen establishes that there was a lot of rational activity between Sally hearing about the arrest and shooting Whittier: retrieving the gun, cancelling an appointment, driving to the house, parking at a neighbour's house to be inconspicuous. She also gets Sally to admit that she keeps her gun in a combination safe, unloaded. When Helen's done, she says, "Ms. Berg, I am deeply sorry for your loss." Yes, well, that and two bucks will get you on the subway. As Helen starts to go back to her table, Sally says, "You're here to put me in prison, Miss Gamble. Don't tell me how sorry you are. Unless you've had a child taken from you, you can't begin to understand my loss." In response, Helen registers the slightest bit of emotion but says nothing. Sally is allowed to step down and Hiller tells the defence team to call the witness. Eugene stands up, and much to everyone's surprise, announces, "The defence rests." In the breakout room, Ellenor slams the door and tells Eugene, "Explain that to me!" Eugene says he will; Ellenor starts ranting about how they didn't even call an expert. Well, if your expert's a guy known as "Dr. Dope," maybe you're better off. Eugene asserts that Sally was their strongest witness. He claims, "Better to rest on her than Dr. Dope, who Helen would have cleaned and boned like a trout." True. Ellenor believes they needed somebody to say Sally was insane. Eugene thinks otherwise. "Ellenor, our case won't depend on proving Sally Berg was insane. Everybody in the room knows she wasn't. We know it, the prosecution knows it, so does the jury. Our case is getting those twelve people to want to send her home, and Sally's testimony is what we need to ring in their ears. Not Dr. Lanning, who goes from courthouse to courthouse, collecting cashier's cheques. Our defence is emotion. We rest on the highest note." Jimmy agrees. Ellenor says they're forgetting about Hiller, who's going to instruct the jury. Eugene feels that if their case came down to Lanning's testimony, they'd be dead; Jimmy agrees again. Ellenor says, "It's a big risk." Eugene asks if she's ready to close; Ellenor replies, "Well, I guess I have to be." She's still miffed.
Oh, saints alive, it's another Bobby and Lindsay scene. These two just make me sick. Let's see if I can dispense with this efficiently: Bobby makes conciliatory noises toward Lindsay. She wonders why they always fight when they talk about the wedding. (Toot! Toot! Here comes the clue train, Lindsay, hop aboard: 1) You're both too self-centered, self-absorbed, obnoxious, arrogant, and insecure to understand, much less handle, true partnership; 2) big-ass weddings are dumb, especially when one partner would rather elope; 3) you two shouldn't be getting married until you both grow up, and deep down you both know it. Please have your tickets ready.) Bobby finally confesses that he hates weddings; Lindsay can't understand how a person can hate weddings. Easily, Princess. Especially if they have any experience with monstrous brides-to-be such as yourself. Bobby admits to hating weddings, and the pressure of making a wedding go smoothly (although how he would know much about this, I have no idea); but he claims that he is quite enthused about the idea of marriage. Lindsay wonders whether he'd really rather elope; he says he would. How many ways and times does he have to say it before it penetrates Princess' skull? Your guess is as good as mine. He would rather it was just the two of them, but acknowledges that it's her dream to have a big wedding. She wishes it was his dream too. I wish she wasn't too stupid to have noticed months ago that it's not his dream. He says he's only ever had two dreams: to pitch for the Red Sox, and to meet and marry the greatest woman in the whole world. I snort derisively, and Professor Frink says, "Well, you're 0 for 2, then." Bobby says, "One for two isn't bad." Memo to the Bobster: See Professor Frink's comments. Lindsay smiles, I guess because she figures she's going to get her way. That's the only time she ever smiles. Then Bobby makes a crack about her needing meds for her mood swings (Hello!) and she pretends like she's going to break his fingers. He cries uncle. I cry uncle. We all cry uncle. ["Me too! I cry uncle too!" -- ragdoll]
Time for Richard's closing. He admits to taking some emotional satisfaction in Michael Whittier's death, if he actually raped and murdered Jessica Berg, but emphasizes that we don't know that, because he was executed before he ever got his day in court. The reason we have laws is to keep people from running around with guns and acting out of extreme emotion. (Yeah, the US is doing a hell of a job on that front.) "I sympathize with Sally Berg, as I know you do, but she wasn't acting out of insanity that day. She made a series of conscious choices." She opened a combination lock, loaded a revolver, drove a car without getting in an accident, et cetera et cetera. "She willfully, deliberately, with malice aforethought, committed a premeditated murder. I don't think there's any doubt about that. The only real question here is whether you'll embrace her vigilantism by becoming vigilantes yourselves, or you'll instead uphold the law you swore to uphold. This is your trial, now, ladies and gentlemen. This is your society." Kind of a weak ending, if you ask me. Ellenor's turn. She begins, "I am not a psychiatrist. Neither is Mr. Bay. But I know of no medical opinions or studies that say rage automatically makes you act wildly. Sometimes, if the rage is profound enough, I would imagine it could take you over, to a place where you're even capable of cold, methodical vengeance. This is the kind of profound rage, and grief, that took over Sally Berg. I won't pretend to know what was going on inside her head. I have never had a child raped and murdered, and I would guess that none of us here would presume to know such horror." She turns and walks over to an empty easel to the witness stand, and puts up a very large photograph of an adorable little blonde girl holding a large greyish-brown teddy bear. Ellenor continues, "This is Jessica Berg. She loved to collect and trade Pokemon cards; she liked her stuffed animals more than her dolls; she -- she loved to play soccer." Of course, Sally is crying again. Richard looks mildly annoyed. Helen, of all people, tries to wipe away a tear without letting the jury see it. Ellenor says, "I would like to take a moment, and ask you to try and imagine the last few minutes of her life." There's sad, dramatic music as we see the serious faces of the jurors, Sally's tears, Judge Hiller trying not to break down, a long shot of Jessica's face, Helen still trying not to cry openly, and Eugene looking uncomfortable. After a few moments of silence, Ellenor says softly, "Imagine being her mother." Ellenor goes back to her seat as Richard glares at a teary-eyed Helen, disgusted that she's crying in front of the jury. Judge Hiller looks like she's going to need a stiff drink. She can have one during the commercials.
Back at the ranch, we get a shot of a door and we can hear Rebecca's voice asking, "You're going to elope?" Then Lindsay peeks out from between the Venetian blinds inside Bobby's office and says, "Shh . . . he'll hear you." She tells Lucy and Rebecca that she's planning to surprise Bobby with an elopement. She says it's the best way to handle the invitation fiasco; they can tell people they're already married, and then have a small formal ceremony later with just the people they really wanted to invite. Lucy asks hesitantly, "Am I one of those people?" Princess simpers at her but says nothing either way. Now, of course, after treating both of them like crap day in and day out, Princess needs their help to pull it off. Rebecca and Lucy suddenly sprout backbones and tell Princess where to stick it. No, of course not. Better yet, Princess is planning to do it tonight. Rebecca can't believe it.
Whoosh, we're in Richard's office. He's telling Helen, "If I lose this trial because you cried . . ." She says the jury didn't see her cry. Richard responds, "They saw you cover your face. I doubt they thought you were trying to hide a pimple." No, but maybe she was hoping to draw attention away from her scary hairstyle. Did you ever think of that, Richard? Helen says the problem is not that she was crying, but that the jurors were. She reminds him that Ellenor was willing to take involuntary, and wonders if they should just hand that over. Richard asks, "I thought they had said 'no' to that upstairs?" Helen says, "If she walks, they'll hate that worse." She offers to speak to their boss. Richard refuses. "Helen, if we plead out on involuntary, the perception upstairs will be that I lost. I need a 'guilty' here." Helen says that it can't be about job security. Huh? You appointed yourself second chair to help him keep his job. You just advised him to offer involuntary in order to avoid losing the whole trial to a jury swayed by emotion. Now suddenly it's not about job security? Since when? Richard claims that's easy for her to say. He stands his ground. Helen looks dubious.
In the breakout room, Sally waits for the verdict with Ellenor, Eugene, and Jimmy. Sally, tired and frustrated, asks Ellenor how long they have to wait. Ellenor explains that the judge will keep them until nine p.m., since it's Friday, and if they don't return by then, she'll suspend until Monday. That's what you want, a Friday-night verdict. Sally signs something with I take to mean, "This is killing me," and Ellenor replies, "Me, too." Suddenly Helen bursts in. Apparently her ponytail is pulled so tight that she is unable to remember common courtesies such as knocking. She tells Ellenor that Richard refused involuntary. Ellenor says Helen can overrule him; Helen says it's his call. Then Helen asks to speak to Ellenor privately, and they go out into the hall. Helen says, "I just talked to Lindsay. She and Bobby are getting married tonight." Ellenor is surprised, of course. Helen explains that Lindsay's surprising Bobby with an elopement. Ellenor says, "Oh, men just love to be surprised like that! Are you serious?" Helen explains that Lindsay wants them to be there, but told the Princess that they could be stuck at the courthouse as late as nine p.m. Lindsay said she'd try to hold the service but the priest who's marrying them has to catch a plane at ten. Ellenor says, "Is she pregnant?" Bwahaha! Remember, Ellenor doesn't know about the fiasco with the invitations. Helen says that Lindsay says that this is what Bobby really wants, and she wants to surprise him. Plus, Princess is afraid that if she doesn't bag him soon, the pre-wedding hassles are going to leave her short one husband. Yeah, yeah, she didn't say that but she should have. Just then Richard walks up to them to inform them that the jury's back.
No whoosh. The jurors file in and the foreperson reads the verdict. "Commonwealth versus Sally Berg, on the count of murder in the first degree: we find the defendant not guilty." Murmurs throughout the courtroom. Sally closes her eyes and breathes heavily. Madame foreperson continues, "On the count of murder in the second degree, we find the defendant guilty." The interpreter emphasizes this point for Sally's benefit. She doesn't register much emotion. Now it's Richard's turn to exhale heavily. Ellenor looks dismayed, and Hiller orders Sally to be taken into custody and adjourns the court. Ellenor tells Sally they'll appeal. Sally asks what the sentence is; Ellenor tells her it's a life sentence. Um, hello? Maybe that's something you should have asked about before refusing offers from the DA and advice from your lawyers about pleading temporary insanity. Ellenor promises Sally that they'll do everything they can. Sally looks confused and angry as the officer drags her away. Ellenor looks extremely pained.
After more commercials, it's dark. So dark, in fact, that I can't find my Maalox. Lucy and Rebecca are leading Bobby somewhere. He's blindfolded. It sounds like they're walking outside. Bobby, with typical good humour and forbearance, complains, "All right, enough is enough. What the hell's going on?" Rebecca claims it's his bachelor party; Bobby objects that guys are supposed to throw bachelor parties. Lucy tells him that they just wanted to make sure he got one. "You know, sometimes weddings can just sneak up on you." Rebecca leans behind Bobby to smack Lucy. Lucy, of course, yells, "Ow!" Bobby asks what happened; Lucy informs him that Rebecca hit her. He asks again where he is; Rebecca turns him around to re-orient him. She tells Lucy to "give the signal" and allows Bobby to take his blindfold off. As he does, a huge bank of fluorescent lights comes on, which practically blind him. When he regains his vision, he looks around and we can see that he's in Fenway Park. For those of you who are even more ignorant of sports that I am, if that's even remotely possible, it's a very famous baseball park in Boston, where the Red Sox play. Bobby says, "What am I doing here?" Rebecca says, "Well, you're doing what everybody does in Fenway Park." Lucy says, "You're eloping." Bobby says, "Excuse me?" They turn him around, so that he can see Princess, where she's standing a fair distance away, on what I take to be the pitcher's mound. (Yes, I really am this ignorant about sports. Ask anybody.) She's wearing an off-the-shoulder sleeveless white satin dress with a beaded scoop neck and a full skirt. It's not the worst bridal gown I've ever seen, not by a long shot. Her hair is pulled back, she's wearing a veil which is attached to the middle of the back of her head, and she's carrying flowers. You know, the usual. Bobby looks stunned. He whispers, "Oh, my God. Oh, my God." Lindsay walks slowly toward him. They should have hired the organist to play that cheesy ball park music. I don't know if it's got a name. Most of you probably know what I'm talking about. ["Dum dum dum DUM dum DUM -- CHARGE! There you go." -- Sars] Anyway, as she treks toward him, he asks if this is for real. She says smugly, "If you want it to be." I don't like the way they did her hair for this. As she gets close to him, you think he'd embrace her or take her hand or something, but just then he notices the priest walking up and runs over to shake his hand. I know I've seen the priest on the show before, but I can't remember in what context. Is this the guy Bobby dealt with during the case where his friend's daughter murdered her newborn baby and hid it in the closet? I don't know. Anyway, Bobby asks him if he "can do this," meaning marry them (aren't all priests empowered to do that?); the priest says he got special permission from the Bishop. Bobby inquires, "And this would be official?" Lucy says, "Like Pearl Harbour." I know what she meant, but that was an inane way to say it. What else is new? Rebecca shushes her. Lindsay explains herself: "I figured we could have a more traditional ceremony later, with families and close friends." So, about three more people than will be here this evening? Why not just have Bobby's father and your parents here now and get it over with? ["Couldn't somebody have called Mr. Donnell? Or is he forever stuck to cleaning washrooms?" -- ragdoll] Lindsay continues, "Tonight, I thought you might like to pitch for the Red Sox. I'll catch." I'll be sick. Bobby smiles. The priest tries to hustle things along by reminding them that he's got a flight at ten o'clock. Bobby's back in control mode: "You're not rushing. I want you to do this right."
Just then, Helen, Ellenor, Eugene, and Jimmy come running up. Jimmy yells, "Hold on!" Helen, in a weirdly high-pitched squeal, asks, "Did we miss it?" Rebecca says, "You're about to," and gestures to them to hurry up. Helen stands in a cluster with Rebecca and Lucy on Princess' right, and Ellenor, Jimmy and Eugene stand on Bobby's left. Jimmy points, "Look, they're on the scoreboard!" We get a shot of them on the Jumbotron thingy. The priest begins, "Now, this obviously is not a cathedral known for its happy endings, but Fenway Park certainly is the symbol of a deep, lifelong commitment to joy . . . and of pain." Bobby gives the priest an annoyed, "Father . . ." The priest gets on with the vows. Bobby goes first, eventually taking over without the usual prompting from the priest, claiming that he's been memorizing the vows for a long time. Whatever. Princess is misty-eyed. The priest gets Lindsay through her vows. Strangely, Bobby doesn't seem to have required her to promise to obey him, even though you know he would have loved that. The priest asks if they have a ring; Lindsay says, "Not yet." The priest abuses the powers vested in him ("under the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, under God, and, I suppose, under the Boston Red Sox") to pronounce these two "man and wife." Ugh. Strangely, no one has thought to bring a camera. That's the sort of thing I figured Lucy would have been all over. Speaking of her, as Bobby and Lindsay swap spit, she remarks, "I guess that means he's off the market now." It sounds like Helen makes a tortured little sound in response to that. Everybody cheers and claps as they kiss. They tell each other quietly, "I love you." Lucy asks, "Hey, do we all get to go on the honeymoon?" Um, ew. Bobby says, "One toast: Thank you all for being here. It probably goes without saying, which is good because I never say it, but you people are my best friends." Maybe you should treat them that way. God help your enemies. "You mean the world to me, and uh . . . this woman . . . she is my world. And . . . people shouldn't cry at baseball fields." Lindsay beams, misty-eyed. Everybody hugs it out. We see them all leave the field. I'm grateful at least that we were spared the agony of an insufferable, big-ass wedding. This seems like it would have been a good place to leave the season finale, but DEK has other ideas.
Later that same night, we see Sally in handcuffs, being led out of the back entrance of what is probably the courthouse, into a police van. I guess she's being transferred to wherever she'll serve her sentence. As the vehicle pulls away, Richard the Runt is standing there holding his briefcase. He makes an expression that is a mixture of regret and satisfaction.