Sniffle. Ragdoll has a bad cold; don't stand too close or she might sneeze on you. This week's episode of The Practice opens with Pinocchio busting her bad wooden self through swinging doors at the police station. She's wearing a navy suit with a pink mohair sweater -- Wardrobe's attempt to calm the severity of her appearance. "When did this happen?" she barks. "Eight days ago," The Cop Who Isn't McGuire responds. "Why didn't the hospital notify the police?" asks the frail wooden character. "The attending doctor wasn't convinced a crime was committed." Going along with the general ruse to keep the audience in suspense, these two are walking through the station toward an interview room. The detective continues, "He wanted her to heal first before asking any tough questions." Heal from what? Who? Where? Pinocchio wants to make sure the suspect has been read her rights, which she has -- twice. "And she didn't want a lawyer?" the district attorney asks. The detective confirms; the girl hasn't asked for a lawyer, and in fact, she hasn't said a single word, to anyone -- she's not talking.
Pinocchio enters the interview room with her clumsy puppet movements. A young blonde girl is sitting at the table looking quite distraught. "Hi Jenny," the prosecutor says as she moves around to sit at the table in front of her; she introduces herself and states that she's from the DA's office. Pinocchio then starts talking about how she knows Jenny must be scared, even terrified: "I think I can help you, but you are going to have to trust me first." All Jenny wants to do is leave. "And I will make sure you do," Pinocchio confirms, "but first, I want you to tell me what happened. Now, Dr. Matthews said that you tried to kill yourself, is that true?" Her nose grows, ever so slightly, just barely noticeable to the eye. Jenny nods, confirming that she did try to kill herself, keeping her eyes lowered so the camera has a nice shot of her cool-looking hair all rolled back into barrettes, all except for these cute fuzzy pieces flying away by her ears. Now, I'm no ear fanatic, but this girl has cute ears. They just sort of stick out. Pinocchio keeps prodding; she wants to know why the girl tried to kill herself, gently taunting her into telling the whole story: "I'll tell you what I know and you can fill in the blanks, all right?" Apparently, Jenny's mother chucked her out of the house the day before she tried to take her own life. Her mother was livid because the young woman was pregnant. "Why was your mother so upset?" the lawyer asks. Jenny replies, "She's always saying don't go and get knocked up. It was a big thing for her, so when she found out, she kind of went berzerk and stuff. Told me my life would be ruined. I don't know." Pinocchio wonders about Jenny's dad, what did he think? Well, Jenny doesn't have a dad, her mother doesn't even know who he is or was, and then Jenny postulates, "I think that she got knocked up. That I was probably the baby that ruined her life." The camera has tightly closed in on both women's faces. The puppet wonders if Jenny tried to kill herself because she was kicked out of the house. "Probably," the girl replies, and then asks, "Are you really going to help me?" When Pinocchio responds, "You have my word," creak, there goes the nose again. Her wooden legs carry her around to sit down beside Jenny, talking the whole time about how the girl had the good sense to get to a hospital after stabbing herself: "Did you then decide you wanted to live?" Jenny said that she just wanted the pain to stop. Now, Pinocchio wonders, did Jenny really think that stabbing herself in the stomach would kill her? Jenny shrugs, she doesn't know. Instantly, the little wooden girl starts talking about her own teenage years, about how she had an abortion when she was nineteen, how she was way too young to have a baby, and that she tried to keep all the pain inside, but it was hurting just too much. Up perks the young woman, believing she's found a kindred spirit, or at least someone who understands what was happening to her, and she promptly spills the beans. See, she doesn't see Pinocchio's nose growing. "When you stabbed yourself in the stomach, you were only trying to kill the baby, weren't you?" Tears are streaming down Jenny's face, and the district attorney keeps pressing her: "You thought if you could make the baby go away you could make things better, right?" A wooden hand is patting Jenny on the back, "It's okay sweetheart. I'm going to help you. But first I'm going to send someone in to write down the things we talked about. And I'm going to help you get out. I promise." Just when you thought it couldn't get any bigger -- the nose grows! Again!
Cut to the detective watching the puppet's Emmy-award-winning performance. They are all stunned as she hustles past them on her way out of the police station. "Get her statement!" she barks. This signals the credits to start barking themselves. Damn, she's one powerful little puppet; she's out of control with her strings flying all over the place.
The Firm. There's a reporter named Camilla Berg on the tube in the conference room. She's talking about the "Black Widow" trial, discussing how this is the first case of its kind where a woman is accused of fornicating her husband to death. Lindsay, The Lump, Lucy, and Rebecca are watching the news; we get the impression that this case belongs to The Firm. Lucy snaps the remote control, changing the channel, exclaiming: "Jeez, it's on every channel." Ellenor "Public Defender Extraordinaire" Frutt pokes her head into the conference room, explaining that she's got to run down to the courtroom for a minute to do Pinocchio a favour. "Helen's asking for a favour on a homicide case?" Lindsay questions; see, she knows that Pinocchio's nose grows. The other lawyer shrugs her shoulders and replies, "I'll call when I know more." The ensemble goes back to watching the television, where another, equally annoying, fake reporter is talking about the case. Do we think it's causing a media frenzy? I think so. This reporter states that amongst the men the station polled, thirty-three percent said that they'd still sleep with the Black Widow, even knowing that she might then try to kill them. Jimmy, earning his lumps for this show, touts: "I would!" Which prompts a lot of "ew!"s and "Jimmy!"s. Hell, the credits haven't even finished rolling and I'm already totally insulted.
Courthouse. The guard brings Jenny in front of Judge Zoey Miller. A man sitting in front of the bench announces that the charges are murder in the first degree. Ellenor and Pinocchio announce themselves from their respective positions. The puppet squeaks, "Your Honour. I'd like to conference, I think we can dispose of this right away." The judge is suspicious: "On a First Degree Murder charge?" "Your Honour," Pinocchio insists, "I'd like to conference." Judge Zoey agrees with a wave of her hand and a look of confusion. This is one wily puppet, oh, and her nose grows. As they prepare to enter chambers, Ellenor walks over to Jenny to explain to her what's happening: "I'm Ellenor Frutt. I'm your attorney here. Right now I'm going to go and talk with the judge and the district attorney. Then I'll come back and talk to you. It's very important that you don't talk to anyone about this, not anyone, okay?" Jenny mumbles yes and then Ellenor's off to meet with the puppet in chambers.
Across the hall. Amidst a barrage of reporters, Bobby "Spiders Have Rights Too!" Donnell and Eugene are leading the alleged Black Widow into the courtroom. Imagine my surprise to note that the Black Widow isn't a spider, nor is she black, but she most certainly is back -- from infomercial hell and near career oblivion, that is -- and after building her fledgling résumé on eighties prime-time drama, Victoria Principal joins the ranks of Henry Winkler as a guest star on our humble show. Cut to inside the actual courtroom. Bobby and Marsha Scott, DA, are arguing a motion in front of Judge Walter Kimball. Our hero wants to exclude the deaths of her husbands. The DA wants them included; they're prior bad acts. Marsha says that she killed her last husband, and they are going to prove she killed this one. "She killed neither and two doesn't make a pattern anyway." Retort: "She could have killed her first husband and that would have made three." Bobby: "Her first husband died of cancer, what does that mean?" Marsha: "That she's clever!" The peanut gallery titters and Judge Walter pounds his gavel -- settle down or all the reporters will be removed! The DA continues to yammer about dead husbands, and she's convincing, because Judge Walter is going to allow the testimony. "Appealed!" Bobby barks. "So noted," the judge responds. He then asks if the prosecution is ready for trial, which they are, and the defence: "Ready, Your Honour!" Slam! Down goes the gavel again as the judge states the trial will begin at two o'clock this afternoon. In hushed tones, Eugene wonders, "I'm not sure that was the old college try." Victoria flutters in the background, oh, and she's wearing black, you know, because she's a widow. Hey Wardrobe, we get it. It's offensive, but we get it. Bobby was reserving the objection for appeal; truth is, he wants all this stuff to get introduced. "Why?" their client asks. "Because it's been in the papers for months. There's no way the jury hasn't heard about it. We'll need to address it, Courtney. They're not calling you the Black Widow because you like bugs." Yeah, but David E. Kelley's sure into bugs this season. My skin crawls with all the insects flying around that man's mind.
Whoosh. Judge Zoey's chambers. The little wooden women with the big nose is explaining Jenny's situation. About how she's fifteen, about how she was thrown out of the house by her mother, that she's never had a father, and that the district attorney would like to dispose of this quietly before it hits the front pages of the Metro section. The defence attorney asks what they are offering. "I'll give her three years for involuntary manslaughter. That way she's out when she's eighteen instead of twenty-one. At least has a shot at a life." Well, isn't that pretty, everyone agrees it's a good deal. Hey, that's because Pinocchio has managed to hide the huge honker weighing down her slender face.
Whack. The holding cell. Ellenor is explaining to Jenny the terms of the deal. The girl is noticeably upset: "She said she'd help me!" Ellenor responds, "She is, Jenny. Involuntary manslaughter is a very good offer considering this happened in your third trimester. You'll be out by the time you're eighteen." The camera work is a little tricky here; when the focus is on Ellenor, she's all blurry. When it's on Jenny, she's crystal clear. It makes my eyes hurt. Kind of like the camera itself had too many beers at the Weakerthans show this weekend. The lawyer explains that even if they went to trial, argued diminished capacity, and won, Jenny's still looking at the same sentence. "So, I should plead guilty?" Ragdoll to the director: Could you have the young woman clear her throat or at least look up when she's talking? Thanks. Please continue. Jenny will need to undergo a psychiatric evaluation, then Ellenor wants to review the police files and her statement, but yes: the end result will be a guilty plea. For once, it actually appears to be an excellent deal. The fuzzy Ellenor's vision is impeded; she can't see the DA's extremely large nose. "We should jump at it," Ellenor says. As Jenny sits down on the bed in the cell, her lawyer asks if her mother's been round to see her. Nope. Jenny's mother doesn't even know she's there, let alone been to see her. "Can you tell her?" she asks Ellenor. "Sure," the lawyer nods, and on her way out says that Lucy will be down to see Jenny; they are going to need to get her some new clothes for court. Because Lucy's job now encompasses fashion coordinator as well as whip-smart sidekick. On her way out, Ellenor says, "I'll be in touch." Leaving the young girl, alone, parentless and baby-less too -- this situation tugs the heartstrings.
Time: After 2 PM. Place: The courthouse. Circumstance: The Black Widow trial. The district attorney is questioning a doctor about the cause of Mr. Hanson's death. The deceased apparently suffered from acute cardiac arrest. The toxicology test revealed traces of Viagra in the old man's system. Splice to a second doctor, Mr. Black Widow's own physician, emphatically stating: "I never, ever prescribed Viagra for Jerry." The two of them spoke about it, but in no uncertain terms, taking the drug would have been a death sentence. The man had a weak heart. There's no way he should have been taking pills to facilitate sexual marathons (because that's what women like Victoria Principal do to men; force them into having sex). Eugene's up for cross: "The reason you were talking about Viagra with Jerry Hanson was because he wanted it. Isn't that right, doctor?" Again, the doctor insists that he refused to prescribe the drug. "But he wanted it, right?" The doctor slides around Eugene's question by saying that yes, Jerry wanted to perform better for his wife. For the third time, Eugene "The Rock" Young repeats, "He wanted it?" Finally, the doctor answers: "Yes, but..." He's promptly interrupted with a "thank you" from Eugene, then counsel moves on: "In addition to being Mr. Hanson's physician, you were also his friend, correct?" Dr. Snarky: "Do they teach that in law school? It's upsetting when friends die?" Eugene glares at the witness and makes a hand gesture toward the judge, who instructs the doctor to answer the question. "Of course I'm upset." The defence is trying to get the doctor to admit that if he was a friend of the deceased, he'd be more inclined to see Mrs. Hanson convicted of his death. Feisty DA objects to this; Eugene counters that it goes to bias. Judge Walter doesn't buy it and asks Eugene to move on. The volatile witness and the very passionate defence attorney continue to clash: Eugene states that the doctor was negligent in not prescribing the drug, thereby forcing Jerry to get it somewhere else; the doctor asks then why was it ground up and put into wine? Then Dr. Snarky starts yelling, going on about how it was BW that ground the drug up and put it into the wine with the specific intent of killing her husband. Counsel yells "move to strike" about a hundred times before Judge Walter reigns in the witness. The doctor gets the stank-eye from Eugene before he continues with his questioning: "Doctor, did you advise Jerry Hanson to refrain from sexual intercourse altogether?" No, he responds: "I told him to be very careful and take it slow." Eugene: "Why couldn't he take the drug to help him perform slowly and carefully?" There are people who use the drug who have heart conditions, correct? Correct, but that doesn't mean it was right for Jerry, the physician was concerned he'd try to keep up with "her" -- the Black Magic Woman. "Knowing Jerry's nature, he wouldn't have the good sense to stop, right, doctor?" Finally, these two agree on something.
Rainy day in Boston. Ellenor approaches a run-down, shanty-type house with white peeling paint and a small awning covering the door. She's got a huge black umbrella. We see a woman dumping something in the garbage bins which sit just outside the front door. "Ms. Holbrook?" A thin, worn-down woman turns around and says, "Yeah." The advocate for her daughter takes a step toward the woman: "My name is Ellenor Frutt. I'm an attorney." Ms. Holbrook is clutching her arms to her chest as she sneers, "Whaddya want?" Ellenor replies that she comes bearing bad news. "She dead?" "Who?" Ellenor asks. "Jenny?" No! Ellenor shakes her head, still standing in the cold, wet weather; this woman doesn't even ask if she wants to come inside to get warm. Jenny's mother stands with the same cold, sneering expression on her face while Ellenor explains that her daughter has been charged with the death of her baby. "What's gonna happen to her?" Ellenor explains that Jenny will probably have to spend three years in a juvenile detention centre. The response: "Three years. A baby lasts a whole hell of a lot longer than that. She made out good." Well then. She opens the door and walks back into her house, leaving Ellenor looking both shocked and dismayed. ( And leaving ragdoll actually kind of disgusted; if she believed in violence she would have smacked that woman).
Cut to commercial. Good, because I need to throw some cold water on my face. And blow my nose.
We're back. Ms. Scott is in the midst of presenting her case at trial. A detective is on the stand explaining how the Viagra was found to have been ground up and put into wine. The detective testifies that it was the Black Widow herself who did this devious deed. Ragdoll screams: "Move on!" at the television, "I'm sick of hearing about the wine. I get it! She put the damn stuff in the wine!" Slice, a second detective is now on the stand. He starts to explain how Mrs. Hanson was a prime suspect in the death of her second husband. Number Two had been a diabetic for years, making it quite strange that he died from a massive insulin overdose. The fingerprints on the syringe belonged to the Widow, and she inherited all the money under the will, which gave her financial motive to see her husband dead. Hence, the pattern: rich husbands, in fact, rich older husbands that eventually end up dead from strange medical circumstances. Eugene "Terminator" Young is up . "Did you charge Mrs. Hanson with her husband's death?" No, they were unable to collect enough evidence. (Now could that be because there wasn't any to collect? Huh?) The detective responds that her prints were on the syringe. This statement is countered with a little "she could have handed him the needle like she said" argument from Eugene: "Now, isn't that possible?"
Whoosh. The Firm. It's a hard-knock life. Eugene is sitting on Bobby's desk musing about the day's events. "We're missing something. Their case is lousy. It's all circumstantial innuendo. Marsha Scott's a smart DA, and she hasn't put anything on the table." Bobby's pacing with his tie loosened and his hands pulling his jacket back while resting them on his hips. He actually looks kind of sexy -- if you like that kind of thing. Eugene continues, "We're missing something." He glares at Courtney. Oh disheveled one asks: "Are we, Courtney?" In the hushed sexy tone that only Victoria Principal could affect, she responds: "No --" Eugene interrupts, wondering what the son has to say, could that be the ace up their sleeve? Well, she says, it can't be anything beyond what's she's already told them, "but [the son's] had an agenda from the beginning. He never wanted me to marry his father." Bobby asks why. "He thought I was going to kill him," she continues, "because of the circumstances surrounding my husband's death." The two lawyers take a collective moment, but Eugene's still not convinced: "We're missing something." Well, seeing as their case could rest as early as mid-afternoon tomorrow, Bobby suggests that they go over Courtney's testimony. BW responds, somewhat shocked: "I go first?" Apparently, she's first, she's last -- she's all they've got, and the tension mounts.
The outer office. Lindsay is making her token "I'm still the star" walk-by as she hands a file to Ellenor. Because they're lawyers here, they need files, lots of files. Lucy enters the office fresh from her stint as wardrobe consultant. With a pencil in her mouth, Ellenor asks how it went. "All right," she says. "Did you tell her mother?" Oh, did she, and what a piece of work that one was. To make sure she gets her lines right, Lucy takes a deep breath and launches into the whole Pinocchio story: Pinocchio said she'd help Jenny, told her that if she confessed she'd get to leave. The assistant believes that the district attorney tricked her into the confession. Needless to say, Ellenor's pissed. She does the whole "I'm mad so I'm going to turn my head away" trick.
Whoosh. We're in the holding cell with Jenny. Armed with pencil and legal pad, Ellenor wants to know exactly what transpired between the young girl and the puppet. Nothing good, that's for sure -- didn't you see her nose? It's massive. Jenny repeats what happened, explaining that she honestly thought Pinocchio was going to help her get out of the whole mess. There was a tall tale about an abortion, and Pinocchio said that if Jenny told the truth she'd make sure she got to leave. "I thought she'd help me," Jenny explicates, "she never said I'd be convicted of murder. She never said that." You're right Jenny, the evil little wooden woman never once mentioned murder. Well, let's be fair, you were sitting in a cop shop, you had to figure you were in a little bit of trouble? But I digress.
Bobby's office. The lights are down; there are candles, a little wine, and a web which encompasses both Victoria Principal and Bobby while they go over her testimony. She explains why she likes the older men, taunts Bobby into thinking that's she's the woman to end all women. It's insulting. Lindsay does a little overbearing-girlfriend thing by opening the door unannounced and asking if he's ready to go, and Bobby flushes, obviously spun by this wonder woman.
Commercials. Thank goodness. We need a break from this ridiculous "woman as siren" story line.
The day. We're back at the courthouse. Lucy and Ellenor are doing the usual "let's walk and be dramatic" entrance to the courtroom. We've seen this shot before. "You didn't tell her?" Lucy hisses. It's strategy. Ellenor doesn't want the puppet prepared; she wants to surprise Pinocchio in open court. The drama! Oh, I can't stand it! They bring Jenny in and announce the charges. Pinocchio states that they've come to a plea agreement discussed in conference. Ellenor rescinds their agreement. "Ellenor!" Pinocchio hisses. Judge Zoey wants the basis for this decision. "My client's statement was a result of coercion. It was also obtained in violation of her Fifth Amendment rights." The one with the huge honker is getting visibly upset: "She was read her rights twice, Your Honour." Ellenor: "You basically unread her rights, Helen." Judge Zoey jumps in with a dash of "what's going on here," while Ellie charges ahead: "Where Miranda states that everything you say can be used against you. Here everything you say can be used to help you. Ms. Holbrook is fifteen years old, still in the throes of a big emotional wallop, and she believed Ms. Gamble was going to help her." Helen gives an "oh come on" in response. They get snippy. "She talked to my client about her own abortion in order to get Jenny to admit she killed her unborn child." Back to the letter of the law, Helen says that the only thing that matters during a confession is whether or not the suspect had been read her rights and if she made the statement voluntarily: "She was and she did." Ellenor: "And I contend she was confused with respect to her rights, deliberately, and this statement was not voluntary." Judge Zoey forces the two of them back into their respective corners. Lucy pats Ellenor down and gives her some water. Helen sits in her own corner, fuming about the size of her nose. Instead of allowing the match to continue, Judge Zoey says she'd like to see Ms. Holbrook in chambers. "Humble" Helen says, "Excuse me?" Judge Zoey retorts, "Is there a problem with me asking a few questions, counsel?"
Break; the lawyers and the district attorney are walking through the hall. The Pipsqueak Pinocchio is yelling about ambushes. Ellenor rebuts with a little "you used me, Helen." There is indignant denial. "You figured I'd be less inclined to doubt your motives and I don't like it." Huh, exactly. And these two live together -- how's that for tension. "My motive was to help that girl." Ellie: "And what was it when you went into that room to interrogate her?" Pinocchio responds that she wanted to get her confession, and upon hearing the story she honestly felt some compassion. Hell, I believe that the only "honest" emotion this puppet has ever had is the thrill of victory -- hey wait, puppets don't have any emotions! That's the key! The compassion she felt for Jenny was Pinocchio's impetus for going to Ellenor. Who says, "I don't how in good conscience you can trick a fifteen-year-old." The DA interrupts her: "Your client is a murderer Ellenor, you're angry -- I understand -- but don't appeal to me on conscience." I didn't quite understand this argument, but on second thought I suppose it has something to do with Ellenor being a defence attorney. But still, Jenny's a kid who made a mistake, and is probably kicking herself pretty hard for making another one. The puppet Helen wants to win that little bit too much; she is after all the one who called Ellenor in on the case, and now she's the one who's upset Ellenor's doing a good job.
Cut to the Black Widow trial. Marsha Scott is interviewing the BW's stepson. He's describing his father to the jury: his dad was a frail man in his seventies, and he wasn't attractive, nor was he at all charming. "And she falls in love with him?" he says scornfully. "Did your father ever talk to you about his relationship with the defendant?" Yes, they talked; specifically they spoke about his sex life; his dad said that the BW was insatiable (as if she could be anything but -- please, she's Pamela Ewing). Here Bobby objects, stating that this line of question is hearsay. The DA asks again if Mr. Hanson, Jr. can remember any particular instances where he and his father discussed sex. "Yes, he became very excited." Objection! The DA counters with an "excited utterance -- exception to the hearsay rule," and the judge overrules the objection. "What did your father tell you, Mr. Hanson?" Apparently, Mrs. Hanson made violent, almost sadistic love, and his father wondered sometimes if she was trying to give him a heart attack. "What else, sir?" The son continues that Courtney would taunt his father during sex, taunt him to go harder, like some "weird psychological punishment."
The defence team looks confused as Ms. Scott wraps up, and then Eugene starts his cross from his chair: "Did she say 'I'm going to put Viagra in his wine and then make love to him until he has a coronary?' Because that would be your testimony, Mr. Hanson, maybe you should have her say that." The DA objects to this, but Eugene withdraws before the judge has a chance to rule. Up on his feet, Eugene starts with the typical line of questioning: Did your father fear for his life? Maybe. Did you call the police, notify someone that he might be in danger? Did you talk to my client and express your concerns? No. "Huh. So you took the danger seriously but it didn't concern you?" Here the son gets kind of snarky: "What was I supposed to do, go to the police and say that my stepmother is trying to intercourse my father to death?" Eugene "Hitman" Young: "If you were concerned, yes." Then the lawyer brings up the fact that the son gets all the loot if Victoria Principal gets thrown in the slammer. "Do you think I'm sitting here because of money?" Stupid thing to say, kid -- yes, that's exactly what Eugene thinks, and if you open the door, this man will crush you, you frail, snivelling creature. Whew, kind of got ahead of myself there. "Are you lying to get your father's money?" Eugene shouts amongst the objections of the DA and the admonishing of the judge: "It's just a little too damn convenient for me. I'm sorry, but my client's being charged with murder for inducing a heart attack and gee, you get up here and tell me that your father was afraid he'd give her a heart attack when you'd never said that to anyone before. And you remembered to add that he was excited at the time to get around the hearsay rule, it's just a little too convenient." Ms. Scott bounds to her feet to object, that defence counsel is badgering the witness: "Damn right I am -- I badger a liar!" Judge Grumpy-face ropes Eugene in, and Eugene answers by pointing toward the BW and asking the son: "You said she makes love in a violent way?" That's what he said. "What's violent to a seventy-year-old man?" The son has no response; he doesn't know. "You don't follow that up with, 'Dad, what do you mean'?" Good question, Eugene. The son wishes that he had. Then Eugene goes for the jugular -- the music comes up, and the hulking man approaches the simpering fellow on the stand: "You said she taunts, she's sadistic, she psychologically punishes him, and you don't even go to her and say what's going on? What kind of caring son are you?" Piece by piece Eugene takes him down; the son wishes he had said something, maybe he should have done something, maybe he should have realised he's a wimp, maybe his father would still be alive today. "Do you know what perjury is?" Eugene thunders. "You're under oath here!" The DA objects, the judge screams, "Mr. Young!" And, cool as a cucumber, Eugene answers: "I'm done," and walks back to the defence table. Great scene by Steve Harris. I still maintain that he's the best thing about this show. Eugene "Search and Destroy" Young saves the day for Bobby "I'm Beautiful" Donnell -- again.
Cut to Jenny, in chambers with Judge Zoey. She's wearing a nice baby-blue sweater, but her hair hasn't moved. It looks like she's had it in these rolls the entire time. Slept with them, ate with them, even showered and left them. Icky. "And since, you know, she was an attorney, I thought she would make it so I could leave." The judge asks about what happened when she signed the statement. "She said if I told them exactly what happened it would be better for me, especially not keeping anything inside." Judge Zoey: "She told you she had an abortion?" Jenny: "Yes. And how terrible it was for her that she kept stuff buried inside." Looking up at Helen she continues: "You lied to me. You said you could help me -- you lied to me!" Asking her to calm down, the judge wonders if Jenny understood that the detective said that anything she said could be used against her in a court of law. "Yes," Jenny answers. "Then she came in, and she's an attorney, and she said they wouldn't be." With a nod of her Joan-of-Arc-inspired head, Judge Zoey asks Jenny to wait outside for a minute. I think she's going to tear a strip off Pinocchio. I know I would. As if the long nose weren't the first clue, the overzealous way she passed the buck to Ellenor would certainly add to the verbal beating she deserves. Sneaky DA stands in the corner with her arms crossed as the judge makes her way back to her desk. "Aren't we resourceful," she snips. The puppet takes a step forward to lean on a chair: "None of her civil rights have been violated." Sneaky DA's back to all grey, I guess Wardrobe figured it's a lost cause trying to make her look more sympathetic -- hell, to make her look anything other than a stick figure. Judge Zoey wants to know if the DA actually had an abortion; Pinocchio counters that it isn't relevant. The judge believes it's relevant to her and asks again. "No," the puppet says, adding, "Tricks are used in interrogations all the time." Hell, she didn't just trick the poor girl, she outright lied. "Lies are used too. There's nothing unconstitutional about lying to a suspect so long as they understand their rights. Which she did." Up pipes Ellenor at this point, disagreeing that Jenny actually understood her rights. In response to Ellenor, the DA becomes arrogant: "Aww, come on, look, we can all try to get inside this girl's head but that's not the way it goes, we have constitutional dos and don'ts and we didn't commit any of the don'ts. The statement is valid and admissible." Well, that's the judge's decision, Sneaky, and she wants to think about it for a little while. Here Sneaky senses that she may have overstepped her boundaries, and she asks to say something: "You're all thinking about Jenny Holbrook. I wasn't called in to talk to Jenny Holbrook. I was brought in to question a murder suspect. A suspect who killed a baby. A suspect wouldn't talk to the police. This isn't a moral arena -- it's a legal one. Everything I did was legal." Helen cries oh poor baby DA: it's not easy getting confessions, blah blah, and getting moral on top of the Constitution will make it so no one will ever get convicted. What. Ever. The puppet leaves Ellenor and Judge Zoey amazed at her verbal trickery and hauls her nose right out of chambers.
The Black Widow trial. The Black Widow herself is on the witness stand, being questioned by Bobby "I'm a Babe Magnet" Donnell. Courtney confirms his question, stating that it was her husband who procured the Viagra, and that he hadn't mentioned where it came from. They had discussed the benefits of the drug and they both wanted to try it. And "more for a laugh than anything else," they ground up the pill and sprinkled it into their wine. Humbly, BW recounts the events of the fateful evening: they had dinner, ground up the pill, dropped it into the wine, watched the tube, retired to the bedroom and started doing it. Bobby asks her to continue. "All of a sudden, Jerry grabbed his chest. He was having a heart attack. I called 911 and performed CPR but by the time the paramedics got there he was already gone." Here Bobby decides it's important to bring forward the idea that she was a violent lover -- which she violently denies. The two of them were always mindful of her husband's heart condition. Always. Cut to the DA asking BW to verify that it was her husband who got the Viagra. "Did you ever get Viagra from your doctor?" BW quietly says no. "Ever talk to her about the virtues of Viagra for women?" Yes, they had discussed that. Then she's done. Quick as a whip. Bobby and Eugene look a little taken aback as they rest their case. Courtney steps down. Here the Commonwealth calls a rebuttal witness: Dr. Gail Parent, BW's doctor. Snapping to attention, Bobby objects and calls for a sidebar. Apparently, Dr. Gail is prepared to testify that she gave Mrs. Hanson Viagra samples two days before the husband died. Oops. With this little tidbit, Bobby and Eugene turn to look at their client -- with some obvious
frustration, since she out-and-out lied to them. Huh, funny how I didn't catch her nose growing, must be her feminine wiles working their ways on me too.
Cut to Chambers with Judge Walter. Bobby's arguing that it's privileged -- doctor-patient confidentiality. Marsha counters with, "She waived privilege. She opened the door." Bobby wants to know how. Hey, you can't have it both ways: Courtney, by way of talking about the conversation she had with her doctor, effectively wiped out her privilege. The DA wins the argument. Bobby's objection is overruled.
Looking like superheroes, Bobby and Eugene walk extremely violently down the hallway toward one of the client rooms. "I knew we were missing something. That was their ace." Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet, Eugene. Courtney's sitting with her hands clasped on the table when the lawyers bust into the room with fire coming out of their ears. Bobby slams the door: "You got the Viagra from your own doctor?" Well, she was afraid of how it would look, you know people might think she must have put it in his wine. "Well, did you?" Bobby "Baby Walk All Over Me" yells. No, it happened exactly as she said. Well, no, now Courtney, it didn't; you lied, and Bobby is screaming -- which is amazing simply because we're three quarters of the way through the episode and no one has screamed yet. Their whole case was her testimony and now the DA's office has caught them in a lie. Victoria pouts; she asks Bobby not to yell. Hell, I'd let him yell, that's what happens when you act like an idiot when you're on trial for murder, moron. "You lied to us, Courtney!" At this she jumps up with more character then I've seen all episode: "I didn't kill him, we were making love! I didn't kill him!" Well, that's how it looks. "After your doctor testifies you have to get back up there and explain, to the jury, why you lied. And I hope you're good." Word. The music takes us into commercials, and then we're back to . . .
The Black Widow defending her honour. You see, for the first few minutes she was on the stand she was confused, she thought she was back on some prime-time soap where everyone lies to everyone else about everything. Or maybe she was afraid of how it would look, she being the one to get the drug. Okay, that's more of what happened. "We both agreed to put it into the wine." Bobby wants to know why the jury should believe her now, especially after she lied to them: "I don't have an answer for that. Why should anyone believe that I could fall in love with an older man, but I did." Then even more softly, more demurely, "I did." Marsha's up and she's out for blood: "Let's talk about that. You falling in love with three older men." BW feels safe and secure with older men; they're not as predatory. Then she slips, sort of, and mentions that she thinks it probably has to do with the safety she felt with her own father. Despite how creepy that actually is, this opens up a whole can of worms, and Ms. Scott is off: "Your dad died serving time at Carteret Prison in New Jersey. Didn't he?" A blank, even vacuous, stare from Courtney. "He was convicted of raping you when you were nine years old." Because we can't have an episode of The Practice without having some sick deviant sexual behaviour. "He was wrongly convicted. It never happened," Courtney counters, still wearing an empty, disturbing stare. "Your mother and your sister walked in on it." Again, Courtney says that it never happened; just in time to avert a nightmare, Bobby jumps up and asks if he can have time to confer with his client. Denied by Judge Walter. "You don't find safety with these older men, do you Mrs. Hanson. You find your anger -- your hatred." For the third time, with the same vacant stare, she repeats, "He was wrongly convicted." There is odd dramatic music playing. After pausing on Victoria's absent face for an instant, we cut to the crowds outside the courtroom, the reporters trying for a scrap of a story. Bobby, Eugene, and Courtney enter the client room, and the lead counsel asks snidely: "So. Courtney, any more surprises?" Again she replies, "It didn't happen." Eugene and Bobby don't look convinced.
Judge Zoey Miller's courtroom. Please be seated. You're in for a long speech. In short, Judge Zoey's disgusted with Pinocchio's antics. While she certainly didn't threaten the letter of the law, she most certainly gave the spirit a beating. But the DA has done nothing illegal in coercing the statement from the fifteen-year-old girl, thus, it's admissible. Both Jenny and Ellenor look frustrated and disappointed. Judge Zoey concludes by saying they'll "conference Tuesday at nine o'clock to set a trial date." Adjourned. The freaking music plays as the guard takes Jenny away. With this gleaming victory, Pinocchio has magically transformed back into Helen. Aren't we smug?
The Black Widow trial. Bobby's giving closing arguments. In the end, all the state has is a theory; there's no conclusive evidence. There's no proof. Well, says the district attorney, "We know ragdoll has a bad cold, so we're all going to go home now. It's over." No -- really! Okay, not really. "Jerry Hanson told his son he was afraid. The way she pushed him during intercourse. And yes, we can consider the way her husband died because it's a pattern. Rich old men. Death. She inherits." Bobby attacks the son. Why is he making noise? Now? Just when you know he's going to inherit the entire estate. Marsha: "She ground up that Viagra so he wouldn't detect it. Come on. Two bypasses. They had intercourse for over an hour. If that isn't reckless disregard -- then what is?" The man had a weak heart to begin with, the charge is out there, and in a case like this you need good, strong evidence; the commonwealth hasn't got any. Marsha: "Why did she lie? If she's innocent, why didn't she just take that stand and tell us what happened? I'll tell you why. She's afraid you might get the right idea." Touché.
The home stretch, the final commercial break. You know, I think I like David Duchovny more when he's not Mulder.
There are pretty rowers on the river. Client Room in the courthouse. "Murder two?" Victoria says. "Do you think I'll get convicted?" Bobby's not sure; if they were trying the case on the evidence alone, no, but she lied on the stand and that damage is unfixable. "Bobby," she whispers, "I didn't do it." Eugene walks in: "Twenty-six minutes." The jury has a verdict. "What does that mean?" BW wonders. Her lead counsel has no idea, but it's one of two things: they could have concluded there's no evidence, or they could have easily convicted. He truly doesn't know which. Eugene presses her on the deal; Bobby says it's her call, and she decides to take her chances. Sure -- relying on your feminine wiles still, aren't you, honey? The camera cuts to the actual courtroom. The jury is filing in quietly and calmly, but keeping their eyes averted. "Courtney," Bobby says, "the jury isn't looking over here. That's a bad sign. If we can still get murder two." The stupid music is up again, and we can barely hear their whispering above its clatter. Tension. The jury still isn't looking. Not even one of them. Bobby bends toward the DA's table as the judge is looking through some papers. He whispers in her ear, "Still on the table? Don't mean to rush you..." Marsha holds up her hand, pauses to look at the jury, and agrees. "Your Honour!" Judge Walker looks up at Bobby. Bobby and the DA approach the bench. Bobby is sweating. I am sweating. Coughing. Hacking. Kidding. "We've reached a plea. Murder two." The judge gives him the stank-eye: "It's too late, we're about to enter the verdict." Hissing, Bobby says, "It's not too late. The verdict hasn't been entered. We have a right to reach a plea." The judge doesn't like these last-minute stunts. But David E. Kelley loves them. "Mrs. Hanson. Do you agree to plead guilty to murder in the second degree?" Courtney says she does. "Thank you. Members of the jury, you are excused and we thank you for your service." There is grumbling from the cheap seats. "Mr. Donnell," Judge Walter says, "I'm not one for passing notes in class, but you can keep this." It's the verdict sheet, and I'm sure the judge is breaking all kinds of rules by showing this to Bobby, but it is for the sake of the drama. The freaking sheet says not guilty -- appalling! She's was off scot-free. Bobby is stunned. His jaw falls to the ground and he starts grovelling. The judge sits like a fat cat. A very right fat cat at that. As they are leading the alleged Black Widow out of the courtroom, Bobby stops her and proves he has absolutely no morals: "I think we did the right thing. I'll be in to see you. We'll need to talk before sentencing." Okay, she whispers. Lord knows Courtney has only two volumes: soft and softer. "I think we did the right thing," Bobby says a second time. We fade to black. It's a good thing too, because it's way past ragdoll's bedtime.