Flashback in time -- picture two years prior, it's a different world. We open with Ellenor Frutt giving closing statements; she starts off with a good, strong statement: "There is no case, ladies and gentlemen." Then she takes a deep breath and launches into a whole speech about reasonable doubt, and we figure this episode has got to be old because Ellenor's wearing white. She never wears white. We learn that a couple of vice-squad cops noticed an alleged prostitute giving money to Kenny Tripp, their client, and "leaped" to the conclusion that Tripp's a pimp. I wonder what clued them in? Ellenor, in a fit of passion, places both her hands on the jury box and leans in: "Now what kind of evidence is that?" Cut to Stanford from Sex and the City who is slumming as DA Frank; he uses some big words to describe the hooker's occupation (just so we, the audience, are stunned by DEK's scintillating vocabulary) and the defendant's convictions. Stanford smirks to the jury and laughs aloud at the explanation given by the hooker: "The Dolphins didn't cover against the Patriots." See, she bet against the Dolphins and ended up owing Kenny. That's really what happened, none of this john-caught-with-his-pants-down stuff the prosecution is maintaining.
With the end of closing statements, Lindsay "I'm so perky" Doyle and Ellenor "I'm so jaunty" Frutt accompany their client out of the courtroom. Kenny "The Pimp" Tripp is yammering on about how he liked the DA's closing better than Ellenor's. "Look, this case is very circumstantial," Ellenor says as she stops to glance at some schedules on a bulletin board. "We have a very good shot, plus we have grounds for appeal, let's not forget that." Hey, Lindsay has yet to say a word, and I do like her better when her mouth's shut. The Pimp goes on to suggest his own defensive strategy; he wanted have "a girlfriend" there so she could look loving and caring in the eyes of the jury. This remark causes Lindsay to snap back into action with a smirk on her face and an annoying twinkle in her eye: "Well, we were limited by the fact that you don't have a girlfriend." Oddly, they are all smiling; apparently, they think Kenny's pretty cute. The Happy Gang meet Eugene in the hallway. He asks: "How'd it go?" The Pimp pipes up, "Great for the DA!" More smiles and gentle looks from the girls. "I gotta pee," Kenny says into Ellenor's ear, "They ain't going to follow me in there and give me a urine test, are they?" This season, all the clients are cheeky monkeys, but DEK hasn't decided to give everyone a strange sexual persuasion -- yet. They have sexual professions instead. "Think you're safe," Ellenor replies. Get this, everyone is still smiling when some totally hot, long-legged DA walks up and gushes, "Oh Eugene!" Eugene "The Man" Young smiles and turns around to face someone who is definitely not Helen Gamble -- thank goodness, this is a woman with some, but not much, meat on her bones. "Look, I got that file," she says. "You asked for the file!" Eugene banters. "You're damn right I did. The thought of beating you in court is just too much to resist." She throws a "hi Ellie" in there, and we learn her name is Renee. "But you won't bet me," Eugene says, because he's the best of the best, and oh how do we know it here in recap land. "All you've got is one eyewitness." They are throwing some sultry smiles at each other and the sexual tension is building. Renee whispers, "Well, we could bet again, couldn't we?" Hey, isn't that illegal and kind of insulting? "Same rider?" Gene asks. Renee agrees. Okay, I'm a little unnerved because they are all, including Lindsay, still smiling.
Lindsay and Ellenor walk around in front of Eugene so the camera doesn't have to move. In an actually human-type mode of contact, Lindsay is talking to her firm-mate with her hand on his shoulder. I'm telling you -- they never should have cut Lindsay's hair. With the bob, she lost all her recognizable human attributes; with longer hair, she's kind of feminine and human. ["I think it might be due more to the fact that she isn't nearly as skinny in this episode...was this one of the ones during her pregnancy?" -- Deborah] "Excuse me, did you just bet on the Maynard trial?" Eugene confirms that he did indeed place a bet on the Maynard trial. "I know you're excellent defending on robbers and you love cross-examining eye witnesses but --" Ellenor interrupts to warn Lindsay not to do what she's obviously going to do. Her counterpart lays the facts of the case on the table: they have an eyewitness who identified the robber as a man with one leg, who was also picked up hopping away three blocks from the scene with the victim's wallet. "Don't bet him!" Ellenor warns and everyone giggles. Lindsay's up to the challenge; she's in with the same rider. Eugene winks: "I'd just be taking your money!" They shake on it.
The elevator dings and we see a short, black, one-legged man hopping with a cane down the hall. "Am I late?" he squeaks. "Cutting it close, Teddy," Eugene answers. This short man starts telling a tall tale about someone trying to get into the Courthouse carrying a staple gun. Renee walks up behind them wondering if they're going to get into court, and again with the whole smiling thing, and Teddy tries to pick up the DA, rambling on about how he's out on bail and allowed to date. Eugene just grabs Teddy's jacket and literally throws him, cane and all, into the courtroom.
Finally, we get to the credits. Oh, and Helen's missing. Which makes ragdoll do the Irish jig around her living room -- a show without Helen "Stone Cold" Gamble is a show worth recapping. ["Ragdoll has all the luck." -- Deborah] Maybe. Okay, well, maybe not. I always have hope.
The Firm, before it was "The Firm." Jimmy and Bobby are walking through the office which is conspicuously dirty, there are files everywhere, and it desperately needs a coat of paint. Jimmy "The Lump" Berluti is following Bobby "True Grunts" Donnell and complaining about being given a dog-bite case as his first assignment as a member of the firm. As he pours himself a cup of coffee, the King of Condescension says, "A lot of our cases are small, Jimmy [yeah, right -- whatever, Bobby!]. It may not go to the Supreme Court but I take it seriously." The Lump grumps about his sinuses from all the dust on the file. True Grunt gripes back: "Can you just cover the deposition, please." Rebecca is lurking in the background with a pencil and a clipboard. "Dog bite." Jimmy waves the file at her and walks away.
Cut to the elevator. The camera sits behind a man who is looking at the back of Lindsay. "Ah, excuse me, ah --" Lindsay turns around with a startled look on her face. "This is completely out of line, but you're a very beautiful woman." Oh, puh-lease, could he have thought of a better line than that? He could have even used my personal favourite: "I never believed in love at first sight until I set my eyes on you." Lindsay smirks and scrunches up her face: "Do I know you?" Mr. Pickup Line says, "Oh no. That came from nowhere, sorry." She turns back around to face the front of the elevator, but he keeps on talking: "Hey, you guys have nothing to worry about. They aren't going to convict your client." Again with the smile -- Lindsay points behind her for some reason and says, "Oh, you were in the courtroom." Mr. Pickup shrugs his shoulders: "So much for you noticing me I guess. I'm on the jury." White as a ghost, smile wiped right off her face, Lindsay "By the Book" Doyle starts to hiss and freak out all over the place, punching the buttons, screaming, "Let me out, get me off this damn thing, let me out!" Actually, she simply turns around, looks intent and says, "I'm sorry. I can't talk to you." The music comes up and leaves the lawyer stuck in the elevator, pondering her inability to recognize members of her own freaking jury.
The Firm. Just to ensure continuity, Lindsay's still wearing her coat as she barges into Bobby's office with Ellenor hot on her heels. And just so we know how serious this really is, the freaking music is still playing, albeit louder and more intrusively than it was in the elevator. With the camera tight on both women's faces, Ellenor asks, "What exactly did he say?" Lindsay responds with some cryptic DEK dialogue: "Exactly what I said he said." She continues, "There's no way that he'll be convicted." Ellie: "And what exactly did you say?" Lindsay: "Nothing. I told him I couldn't talk to him." Which, apart from her screaming "let me out, please, please let me out," is pretty much true. She starts to worry herself now and begins to ramble, slightly incoherently, "But it's still a communication. I had a communication with a juror. I gotta go to the judge." Here's where they start to devise this devious little plan to keep the communication to themselves. Technically, under the rules, they have a mistrial. The lead counsel goes on about how unfair it is to The Pimp to have to start the proceedings all over again. ["Cry me a river." -- Deborah] After Ellenor starts talking around the issue a little more, Little Miss Priss gets this totally self-important look on her face and says, "What are you suggesting? That we don't tell?" Oh. My. God? Kelli Williams' years as a Valley Girl have trained her well for that look. "It's not like the process has been tainted." Ellenor retorts, "It's not like we were trading on information." Lindsay continues to look like Ellenor has slapped her in the face as Ellenor asks her, "Did you try to influence him in any way?" Well, that was the wrong question: "Of. Course. Not." Lindsay really said nothing. As soon as she learned he was a juror, she shut him down. Because the whole "you are a beautiful woman" wouldn't have caused her to a) bring up her lunch or b) shut him down anyway. Ellenor's strategy is not to tell; as the music plays, and as Lindsay cries her name, the other lawyer leaves the room and shuts the door. Oh, and Lindsay's still standing there looking puritanical. Like she's never broken the rules before. Yeah, right. It's not like Lindsay actually has integrity -- this is The Practice, remember!
Courtroom. We get a ceiling-cam shot of Renee the DA leading the robbery witness through her testimony. The woman had just left the bank machine when the defendant, literally, hopped up to her. "Had you ever seen this man before, Ms. Bancock?" Renee asks. Well, she had. She had passed him on the sidewalk where he was begging for change. "Did you give him any money?" No, apparently, it's not her practice to give money to panhandlers. The witness is wearing a string of pearls and a plaid jacket. Well, when she refused to give him the money, he threatened her: "He said if I refused, he would knock me down and then hop up and down on my head." Okay, I've seen the defendant, and I've seen the witness, and the man with one leg is simply not threatening. Not even remotely. Anyway, Teddy ended up snatching her wallet right out of her hands and went "bounding" down the street. "Did you see him again?" inquires the DA. Yes, she responds, she saw him the morning in the police lineup: "He was just standing there. Like a flamingo." At this instant, the DA points over to Teddy: "Ms. Bancock, are you absolutely sure that is the man?" She repeats her original testimony. Of course she's sure; she'd recognize him anywhere.
The Firm. A disgruntled man busts open the door to the office and exclaims, "If anyone threatens to assault me or my client, there will be repercussions." He lands in front of Ellenor's desk; however, as our heroine is dealing with the numerous ways she's about to break the law, she ends up just staring blankly at this strange, violent gentleman. He continues, "I will not be intimidated. I will assert myself at all times -- possibly to the detriment of others." ["Let me tell you, I was shaking in my boots." -- Deborah] Ellenor is still stuck on "blank." "I'm here on the dog-bite manner," the man prompts her. The Lump bumps up, "Oh, that's me. James Berluti. Nice to meet ya." The lawyer turns around to face Jimmy. "I was here when Eugene mugged your client. I don't do that." His opponent responds, "I'm heartened." (Honestly, I think Ally McBeal would have been better served if this guy was cast as Richard Fish. He looks like the type that could really turn some stomachs shooting off Fish-isms). He jumps right in, stating that the case probably isn't worth their time and he was hoping that they could settle amicably without having to do the depositions: "However, I do retain the right to remain assertive." Back to Jimmy, who offers Fish $82,000 to make the dog bite go away. Mr. Assertive: "I deeply beg your pardon?" Jimmy's been doing some jury verdict research and a bite on the lip, with scarring -- only to be interrupted by Mr. Assertive: "Eleven stitches and she provoked the dog." "She went to pet him." Rebuttal: "Mr. Berluti, my time is valuable. Your time is valuable. My client is an oncologist. His time is exceptionally valuable. Do you really want to proceed with two time-consuming depositions over eleven stitches and a dog bite?" As calm as ever, The Lump responds, "It would seem so." Well then. The insurance company has authorized $24,000. Jimmy says, "Let's split the difference and go $75,000." Fish doesn't bite, er, budge: "Have you booked a court reporter?" Yes. They schedule the depositions for three o'clock that afternoon. The men glare at each other a little bit, kind of marking their territory.
Courthouse. Eugene's cross-examining Ms. Bancock. He uses the pat: so you've described the area of the assault, the conditions, the exact time, in all kinds of detail. She looks like the type to be fixated on details. "But when it came time to describe a suspect, you said: Black. One leg. That's it." She felt that description should have been enough. Eugene counters that she didn't provide any details of his face to the police, just that he was black and had one leg. The witness starts to get short with Eugene: "When a man hops out at you in the dark on one foot, you don't tend to notice how long his sideburns are." There is a titter from the jury box. The camera follows Eugene as he struts past Renee the DA with, get this, a smile on his face: "I can appreciate that, Ms. Bancock. More than you know."
Courtroom hallway. Ellenor and Lindsay are still debating whether or not they should go to the judge about Lindsay's encounter with the studly-minded juror. Technically, Ellenor knows it's a mistrial, but it would be worse if they were doing something with the information, and they aren't; technically (and she uses the word again) they're waiting for verdict. "Ellenor!" The opposing DA walks up to her. "Hey Frank, how's it going?" she asks. "Weak-kneed," he responds and crosses his arms in front of her. Okay, I'm not one for patterns, but why the hell are all the male DAs on this show about four feet tall? I mean really, this fellow is a midget to Ellenor, and I don't honestly think that Camryn Manheim is that tall. ["I think she's about five feet, ten inches." -- Deborah] Anyway, Frank continues, "You plead guilty. I'll offer six months." What? "On Tripp. What? You look as if you've seen a ghost. This is like a gift, six months. You should be jumping on that." Well, as the two women continue to stare at Frank like nobody's business, they're obviously not thrilled at the deal on the table because they're feeling great about the trial. As he walks away, Frank suggests they take it to their client, because something tells him that The Pimp will dance. The Irish Jig. "Great," says Lindsay, Queen of Pain-In-The-Ass Pretension, as they walk out of the shot.
The Firm. Rebecca brushes past as Jimmy talks with the mother of the young girl whose face was bitten by the doctor's dog. "Mr. Donnell said that this would settle." She sounds worried. "It will," Jimmy reassures her, "there's no way they're going to bother over small potatoes like this. They'll settle." We see a small blonde girl sitting near by with her head bent down. "And why isn't Mr. Donnell bothering to do these depositions?" Way to make Jimmy feel good, lady. "Well. He's got a big murder trial starting week, and he didn't want to make you feel shortchanged so he put me on this case." The mother's not convinced. Jimmy leans down to speak with the little girl. "Susan, honey --" The girl's face is badly scarred; a deep cut above the lip has disfigured almost her entire left cheek. It is extremely noticeable and Jimmy is quite visibly taken aback. "Hi. My name's Jim. I'm just going to ask you some questions about what happened. Nothing hard. This should be easy. Okay?" Susan looks him in the eye and says okay. "I'll be right beside you the whole time." Okay.
Fade to commercial. Ragdoll's still doing the jig because in these older episodes Lindsay's not marrying Bobby, there's no Helen, and best of all, there's no Richard Bay. ["Sweet." -- Deborah]
The Firm. As Ellenor and Lindsay get back to the office, they open the door on The Pimp as he does his best Fonzie impression: "Hey, Ellie! They still out?" ["Man, I am hating it when they call her 'Ellie.'" -- Deborah] Yup. They most certainly are, in more ways than you know, Kenny. "Look," Ellenor asks her client, "can you just give us a few seconds. We need to talk." The women head into Bobby's office to continue their argument about the events of this morning. I don't think Lindsay has taken her coat off this entire episode ["on television, this is always the first sign of a pregnancy that must be hidden" -- Deborah], nor has she done anything other than whisper menacingly at Ellenor about this whole jury interaction thing. I take it all back -- she was just as annoying the second season as she is this year, perhaps even more so. Ms. Whiney Piney says that they need to tell the client. Ellenor maintains that they need to tell Kenny about the deal from the DA's office right now; if he turns it down, no harm, no foul, and if he accepts it, well, then they'll wait and see. "We should go to the judge now," Lindsay says. "In which case Kenny loses his acquittal because of some stupid rule that doesn't --" At that instant, Bobby bursts into his office and hollers: "What's going on?" Both women deny that anything is going on, which prompts yet another "What's going on?" from Mr. Donnell. Ellenor shuts him down with a quick "nothing" and asks Bobby to send in The Pimp. "Why can't we tell Bobby?" Lindsay hisses. "Because if he knows then he's incriminated. Lawyers have a duty to report, you know." Lindsay shakes her head in mild disgust, rips her coat off and flings it over the couch. Kenny stands in the doorway: "Something's wrong. I've got this gland thing that works like radar when something's wrong." There's a tight close-up on both women's faces before Ellenor says "sit" to close this scene.
Courthouse. Eugene is still up asking Ms. Bancock about Teddy Maynard's hops: "Were they big loping hops, or just little hops?" Ms. Bancock says that they were hops, for goodness sake: "How many ways can there be to hop?" Eugene starts back at her, becoming a little cheeky when her tone suggests she's getting frustrated: "Pardon me for being a nuisance, but your description only said 'black, one leg.'" Renee rolls her eyes as Eugene continues, "Is it your testimony that all hops look the same?" The DA objects, stating that Eugene is "again" arguing racial discrimination when he knows it's not; Eugene talks over her, saying that he's not doing that, he's just trying to make his case. The judge calls them up for a sidebar. Ragdoll bets His Honor is going to tell these two to get a room. The obvious sexual tension isn't getting us anywhere. They continue to bicker about the case, causing the judge to ask: "Is this for real?" And MBTV recappers everywhere let out a holler, because someone finally realizes the idiocy of some of these storylines. Let's see, how can we make a television drama any more like a circus: I know! We'll throw in some animals and a hopping man! ["More proof for my contention that DEK is obsessed with, and constantly exploits, atypical physicality. God, am I sick of it." -- Deborah] Now, that's prime-time! Judge Boucher lays down the law and tells Eugene to get on with it. Big E shakes his head, and the two walk back to their respective tables. "Double or nothing?" Eugene asks Renee. "Absolutely," she responds.
The Firm. We're in the board room, watching the deposition of young Susan Stevenson. She has a cute Betty Boop voice and bobbed blonde hair held back by a headband. The gruff lawyer is asking her what happened. "I just went up to pet him and he growled real fast and bit me." Do you remember if you approached him from the front or the back? "From the front," she says, crystal clear. "Do you think you scared him a little?" The little girl emphatically says the dog was "practically bigger than me!" The attorney backtracks, "Do you think you maybe surprised him a little?" She looks to her mother and Jimmy for encouragement, seemingly confused by the questions: "I just put my hand up to pet him." The lawyer asks more detailed questions: "Well. Did you put it too close?" The little girl is indignant: "He's making it out my fault!" Word. The dog bit her and she has a scar, so cough it up buddy. Poor girl -- she'll be frightened of dogs her entire life, no doubt. Hell, I got bitten by a baby pony when I was five and can't go near horses, they scare me to pieces. After Jimmy reassures her that Mr. Assertive is just asking questions to find out what really happened, Susan reiterates that she just went up to pet the dog. Mr. Assertive wants explicit details now: "Susan, how many inches did you put your hand up to his mouth?" She doesn't know. He wants to play make-believe: "Let's pretend you're the dog. Did you put your hand up this close? Or maybe this close?" And with every "this close" he moves his hand closer to the child's face, as if she's the dog and he's the child. Susan insists she doesn't know; the lawyer keeps moving his fingers closer and closer to her face, his voice raising incrementally with each movement closer, until finally Susan bites him. Hard. Real, real hard. Just chomps right down on his fingers. "Move to strike!" Jimmy cries as Mrs. Stevenson admonishes her daughter. "Was that your fault?" Susan inquires of the lawyer. He's obviously flustered, probably because every time he sets foot in The Firm he ends up in physical danger. But he really shouldn't be wagging his fingers around in a child's face in some condescending manner -- I'd have bitten him myself. ["Me too. He had that coming." -- Sars]
Whoosh. Even when they don't go very far, we need to feel as though we've traveled across times zones on this darn show -- the conference room is right door, for heaven's sake. We're back in Bobby's office with Kenny the Pimp. He's mulling over the plea bargain the DA offered. Ellenor's rushing him, because the jury could come back any second, and the two lawyers are anxious. With his hand on his chin in the true Socratic fashion only a pimp could muster, muttering "six months," Kenny decides to take the deal. "Argh! You are?" Ellenor slaps the couch and sighs, leaving Kenny to ask what the hell is going on, to which she responds: "A mistrial. That's what's going on here." Huh? Lindsay fills him in on the whole juror-talking-to-her-in-the-elevator situation. Kenny can hardly believe his good luck: "Am I missing something here? I mean, shouldn't we all be celebrating?" "Kenny, communication with a juror is pretty much an automatic mistrial," Ellenor says, adding, "we didn't tell you because then you couldn't trade on it, and what that juror says is irrelevant."
After her explanation, Ellenor sits down and explains to her client that they are probably going to have to try the whole thing all over again -- but wait! The Pimp starts, um, pimping. "Now are you saying that if we keep our mouths shut," he shuffles himself and his big black leather coat (I'm not joking here, really) around to sit in front of the two women, "that I'm looking at the big NG here?" Because only pimps talk like that: "I'm looking at an acquittal here!" Basically, he doesn't want them to go to the judge at all, which is both sneaky and dangerous, especially if things don't turn out in their favor. Thing is, no one wonders about the juror; no one wonders, even for a second, hey, is the elevator-inspired pick-up artist maybe not telling the truth? Oh wait, that's kind of what Lindsay hints at when she picks up the argument to go to the judge again. "We chalk it up to flirtatious banter -- you don't gotta go to the judge," the pimp pleads. He doesn't want to risk going to jail on a technicality. He can't even believe they're thinking about going to the judge. But hey, those are the rules, and they could both lose their licenses to practice law. "Our hands are tied, Kenny!" Kenny sits back down, ruffling his very long black leather overcoat. Essentially, Kenny the Pimp talks the two lawyers into keeping the whole jury-interaction thing under wraps.
Teddy "Peg Leg" Maynard and his lawyer are in Eugene's office, discussing strategy. Gene advises Teddy, who is sitting on the desk swinging his good leg, to tell his story the same way he told it to Eugene. "It was good?" Teddy asks. "What I told you -- 'cause I can change it if you think I need something better!" A one-legged, lying, stealing sidekick -- you would almost think that DEK had been watching too much Peter Pan and written himself a pirate from Never-Never Land into this script. Anyway, Eugene gets justifiably upset with Teddy's outright fibbing. Of course he didn't tell the truth; in fact, he thought that Eugene meant for him to make up a story. "But that didn't mean I told you to lie! Your story, the one you told me, that's a lie?" Eugene asks. Absolutely. The whole thing. One big fabrication. He absolutely robbed her. He robbed her because she was arrogant, even rude, and needed to be taken down a peg. Eugene can't put Teddy on the stand if he lies; he has no intention of supporting perjury. Back to Teddy, sniveling that his original story was the truth and that he was actually lying about it being a lie. Eugene's eyes roll back so far into his head that you wonder if they're ever going to re-surface. Teddy keeps yapping. He's worried that if he doesn't testify he'll end up convicted. Eugene agrees with this and they reach an agreement whereby Teddy's going to have to testify in the narrative. Which essentially means that Teddy sits in the witness chair, tells his story and Eugene isn't allowed to ask him any questions. "Oh, see, I can do that! See, I do better when I got the flow anyway -- see, it just comes!" Teddy says, "Mr. Young, you don't have to worry. I'm very good at this." Eugene ends the scene by bonking his client on the head and going nuk nuk nuk. ["Wise guy, eh?" -- Deborah]
Whoosh. We're in yet another part of the office. Mrs. Stevenson is asking Jimmy whether or not they should settle the lawsuit. "We can do better, Mrs. Stevenson. I really do believe that." Jimmy says. Susan is sitting beside her mother and is asked to go see Rebecca, whose duties now include babysitting along with general office management and bolstering Bobby's ego. Before she scuttles off to the basement of The Firm to hang out with Owen from Party of Five, Susan walks up to Jimmy and apologizes for biting the other lawyer. Mrs. Stevenson resumes her conversation with Jimmy. She doesn't want to put her daughter through this, and frankly neither would I; it must be traumatic. Jimmy insists that they can make a dent in the proceedings and wants to continue. "May I ask a question?" Mrs. Stevenson inquires. "When did you take over this case? Umm, I don't mean to criticize; I'm just curious, when was this case passed on to you?" See, Susan must really be in the basement with the rats, because Rebecca and Bobby are standing behind Jimmy and Mrs. Stevenson listening to their conversation. The instant the client starts doubting the new lawyer, Bobby leaps in to smooth things out: "Mrs. Stevenson. This is just the discovery part of the case. It's standard fact-finding." Mrs. Stevenson says, "I told you I didn't want to go to trial." She turns and looks at Bobby towering over her. "I know, but your case is in very capable hands with Jimmy here." And The Lump pipes up to defend himself: "Yeah, and I've been reading up on animal behavior and stuff -- I think we'll be able to up the settlement. I really do." You can tell she's not convinced, but she decides to go ahead regardless; she thanks them and makes her way out of the office.
We're back in Judge Stevens's courtroom where Lindsay, Ellenor, and Kenny the Pimp are awaiting the verdict. The judge is asking in the background whether the jury has reached a verdict; Lindsay and Ellenor continue to bicker about the juror. "On the matter of the Commonwealth vs. Kenny Tripp on the charge of 3213, operating prostitution services for fee -- we find the defendant guilty!" Everyone's astounded. The dramatic "Oh My Gosh What A Shocking Turn Of Events" Overture starts up. Lindsay looks horrified, and she looks over at Mr. Pick-Up Line, who's quite smug, as if to say, "Well, isn't that something." As they haul Kenny off, he whispers, "I thought you said it was coming back NG?" He's obviously upset, hissing at Ellenor's advice to look surprised: "Well, how surprised is this?" His lawyer tells him to be quiet, not to talk to anyone, she'll be right back to talk with him. Lindsay, fulfilling her super-bitch quota for the episode, snarls at Ellenor, "Now what? Huh? What's the plan?" Ellenor lets out a huge stressed-out sigh and turns away from her associate. We cut to commercials. I feel bad for Ellenor, working so hard, actually caring about her client, and then getting stuck with this big, ugly mess. ["I love her, but is she ever a sucker." -- Deborah]
Camera comes up on Judge Stevens, Lindsay, and Ellenor, and they're sitting in her chambers. The "plan" must have been to spill the beans -- I can only imagine what's in store for the two lawyers who tried to keep jury communication under wraps. "You want to repeat that?" the judge says. "It won't sound any better," Ellenor suggests. Judge Stevens still wants Ellenor to repeat what she said, just to be sure she didn't hear wrong. "A juror told us they were acquitting. We told the client. The client turned down a plea bargain because of this information." The judge gives Ellenor an awful look and asks why she shouldn't throw the two of them in jail. "Your Honour, we didn't come in here to defend ourselves. We came in here to say that Kenny should not be penalized for our misconduct. Throw us in jail -- not Kenny." Lindsay is quiet during much of the questioning, allowing Ellenor to be grilled by the judge, who asks, "Just for my own education -- why on earth would you take such a risk for this client? Is he related by blood?" Ellenor says that they just found it unfair that the client had to suffer simply because one juror has a big mouth. Judge Stevens isn't impressed, even as Ellenor humbly announces, "It's obvious we've made a considerable misjudgment." Even Lindsay pipes up, starting to say something about the client, but the Judge interrupts and states emphatically that she's not overturning the verdict: "Your client participated in this dishonesty, and I'm certainly not going to reward him for it. The guilty verdict stands." Ellie sighs and places her forehead in her left hand. The judge continues: "So as not to punish him unduly for the blatant and illegal action of his attorneys, I'll sentence him to six months. The same term the DA was offering." Ellenor whispers "thank you." But that's not all -- here's the kicker to end all kickers from the judge: "The two of you. I'll be referring you to the board of bar overseers, and I'll be recommending immediate disbarment." Bom, bom, the music crashes as we see a look of horrific disbelief on Lindsay's face. Oh, she's been so wronged in her short prime-time life, hasn't she? Ellenor stutters, "Don't you, don't you think that's a little severe?" This incredibly crusty judge seemingly doesn't think so, and with a short "that's all" she dismisses the two of them from her chambers.
Courthouse. Eugene stands up and calls Teddy to the stand. Teddy hops over to the stand with a huge clown-like grin on his face. Gene asks if he can approach; Judge Boucher waves them forward, and he and Renee sidebar. "Your Honour, as an officer of the court, I have to let my client testify in the narrative." With his hand over the microphone, Judge Boucher, a heavily bearded man who looks like Santa Claus, asks if Eugene really did try to dissuade Teddy from testifying. "I did!" he responds, but Renee gives a little "yeah right" under her breath to force Eugene to repeat his declaration: "I did!" The judge announces to the jury that they are deviating from the norm -- and explains that Mr. Maynard is simply going to state his version of the events in the narrative instead of being asked questions. The whole episode is so insulting that I am only going to give you the bare bones: "It was a cold dark night, kind of a clammy night, the kind of night where you knew something bad was going to happen." And ragdoll waits for the anvil. No, make that "ragdoll pleads for the anvil." Just. Make. It. Stop.
Cut to Jimmy deposing the doctor. Although he gets off-track a fair bit during the beginning of the deposition, The Lump does put the doctor through the ringer when it comes to his behavior at the dog park. Apparently, the doctor believes that the young girl made a sudden movement toward the dog, then startling him and causing Ross, the dog, to "nip" her. The doctor bought the dog as security and trained Ross himself, thus making him an expert on the behavior of these animals. "Huh," says Jimmy. "Are you aware that Rottweilers are an aggressive breed? More aggressive than most? Especially un-neutered males; they're the most aggressive." The doctor doesn't think he was aware of that particular fact, but yes, he could probably agree with Jimmy's conclusions. Again Jimmy impressively backs the doctor into a corner: "Now, you said you saw the little girl look into the eyes of the dog? Now you understand that a dog sees direct eye contact as likely to be interpreted by the dog as an aggressive challenge?" No, the doctor didn't know that. Frankly, neither did I. Anyway, The Lump moves on to the dog's diet, noting that Rottweilers are more aggressive when fed a high-protein diet. ["Strange . . . that's what I'm eating these days and it's having the opposite effect on me." -- Deborah] Again, the doctor didn't know that particular fact, about his own dog or about the breed in general; in fact, the oncologist owns a very dangerous animal that he really doesn't understand. In fact, he was chatting up a lady in the park with whom he had gone on three or four dinner dates, refusing to accept any responsibility for the actions of his pet. The scene ends with Jimmy taking the name and number of the woman he went out with and with Mr. Aggressive looking rather uncomfortable.
Again with the above-the-room establishing shot, and we're back in the firm. Rebecca is tinkering with a light, adding "caretaker" onto her already overburdened job description -- which includes: extra, set dresser, babysitter, Bobby ego-booster, and now light-bulb changer. Are we supposed to get the impression she's overworked and underpaid? And why doesn't Lucy ever change a light bulb or two? "How did it go?" Rebecca asks, and then asks again when the two downtrodden and almost disbarred lawyers come in. "Oh, ahh, Kenny got six months," Ellenor replies. Still hanging from the light fixture, Rebecca looks concerned. Ellenor continues, "He's out pending appeal on the probable-cause issue. We, ahh, on the other hand, ahh, things didn't go so good for us." "What happened?" Rebecca asks from her perch. Lindsay answers, "We're getting disbarred. And it's her fault." Ellenor and Lindsay scream and throw some blame at each other for this awful situation. Man, I can't stand Lindsay. In the middle of their catfight Bobby walks out: "Hey, there's a deposition going on in here -- what's going on?" The women keep screaming until finally Bobby breaks them up and orders them into his office. Now, this is our supposed dramatic crescendo. There are so many other ways of signaling stress or tension, you know, they don't always have to yell at one another. ["Sure, but that would require actual writing." -- Deborah] If people screamed that much in real life, the whole world would end up deaf.
Teddy's narrative: blah blah rejection, blah blah she didn't look at me, blah blah bring her down to see me, yadda yadda he's a joker, but this time it stuck with him. Blah blah one-legged Joey Free said he's a victim, something about crutches being thrown to the ground, goodness! It was Joey Free who did it. But blah blah the code Teddy's not going to turn him in blah blah. Teddy wishes he was the guy that took the money just to show Ms. Bancock that he exists: "Because if she was keeping in her wallet the idea that some people are less worthy than her then I'm glad she lost it!" Blah blah I didn't take it but I sure should have -- and that's the truth. And the judge gives him the stink-eye. A big, nasty "you've got to be joking" stink-eye. ["That really was an excellent stink-eye, and I should know, since I make that face about twenty times a day myself." -- Deborah]
Bobby's office. He's lecturing: "Why didn't you come to me with this?" Ellenor says that he would have gone along with it and landed in the same trouble that they're in. "I wouldn't have gone along!" he screams because, you know, Bobby never breaks the law or anything. ["Nope, he's Dudley Do-Right. And I am the Virgin Mary." -- Deborah] Basically, he screams at Ellenor for making the wrong decision, that no matter what kind of contact you have with a juror, you go straight to the judge. Ms. Prim is just sitting on the couch, silent, again letting Ellenor take the brunt of Bobby's anger. "This is beyond stupid," he claims, "you risked your careers, you completely jeopardized the reputation of this entire firm. What the hell could you be thinking?" Ellie makes some crack about the reputation of the firm, and rightfully so; Bobby points his finger, literally and metaphorically, and gets on his "oh The Firm" high horse, making Ellenor cry. There are actual tears running down her face. She defends herself by laying out exactly what the actual reputation of the firm is: "Bobby, all we did was live up to your example. You just sold out a client. Let's not forget that. You just finished arguing jury nullification. What exactly do you think our reputation is here, Bobby? I mean, who are we kidding? We are a 'reasonable doubt' for a 'reasonable fee,' bottom feeding, 'we'll do whatever it takes to get our clients off' law firm. And what Lindsay and I did may not have been ethical, it was completely in the spirit and tradition of Bobby Donnell. You want to fire me, go ahead, but please, please Bobby, do not lecture me." And with her head held high, Ellenor leaves Bobby to stew in his own juices for a while as we cut to commercial. This was an incredibly well-acted scene by Camryn Manheim. She's touching and incredibly sincere. ["She kicks ass. Why doesn't someone give her a show of her own, and save me from ever having to watch this show again?" -- Deborah] Bad Bobby -- bad, bad.
The day. Rebecca's wearing jeans and a hat. She slowly walks into Bobby's office as he's looking disheveled and tossing a football around. And I have never seen that football -- not before, not since, and certainly not at all during the current season. "Were you here all night?" she asks. Yup, he answers. "Why?" she wonders. He doesn't know. Honestly, what Ellenor said rang true; Rebecca heard some of their conversation: "Bobby," she says, "I think the problem is that this place isn't just you anymore. There's them. They got a good leader in you -- but not great leadership, you know?" He decides that maybe it's time for a meeting. While Bobby comes to his revelation and Rebecca practices holding up his ego, we hear Jimmy screaming from the board room. Apparently, he gets nervous closing, and needed to practice for his settlement conference in half an hour. Apparently, he comes off too nice: "Gotta be strong you know, gotta come off strong, and since I don't shift gears good, I'm getting ready. Gotta be tough!" He slams his fist down on the table and continues screaming into thin air.
Whoosh. Eugene's closing. Arguing that the prosecution's witness wants it to be the guy (but here's where we disagree -- the guy's guilty -- obviously, painfully, guilty). What are the chances? Of course she was going to conclude that it's Teddy, of course she'd describe the one-legged black man who robbed her, and instantly two other one-legged black men hop into the courtroom. The DA objects. The judge orders them up to sidebar. Teddy gives his friend the high five. Well, Eugene says disingenuously, it's not a stunt, Mr. Maynard is in an amputee support group and his friends came to his trial. He gets another deserved "yeah right" from Renee. The judge orders Gene to finish his closing with a sharp wave of his hands and a "now step back!"
Whoosh. You'd think after four years the editor might have gotten tired of the whoosh. Apparently not, because we still see so many damn whooshes per episode. Back at The Firm. Jimmy's arguing with Mr. Aggressive Lawyer. Jimmy wants a higher settlement because he's got more facts. Mr. Lawyer snaps back, oh yeah, what facts? Well, if you must know: "The facts are your guy bought a security dog, a dangerous instrument he took no steps to train or even learn about -- either he didn't know the risks of this animal, which makes him negligent, or he did, which makes him reckless -- your pick." "So, $200,000?" the lawyer responds, only to be cut off by Jimmy saying he's not quite done with his facts: "This was preventable. Dogs like this need to be socialized; this one wasn't. Dogs [every time Jimmy says "dog," it comes out "dawg"] like this need to be taught submissive behaviour, this one wasn't. Dogs like this should be fed low protein, this one wasn't. If he chooses to dispense with these precautions, fine, it's his choice -- he takes the risk, but if he's going to go to a park, a children's park, and hit on women and not even pay attention when he knows a child is not even two feet from his security Rottweiler -- he puts the child at risk too. She lost her face. He got a phone number and a couple of dinner dates. That's what the jury's going to hear." Huh. Mr. Aggressive Lawyer doesn't look impressed: "Is that right?" Yeah, that's right. You go, Lump. "$200,000 -- nothing less." Mr. Aggressive Lawyer heads out the door to see Frick and Frack standing in the doorway listening into their conversation. They grumble and Jimmy shuts them out to continue his conversation. He makes an alternative offer -- he'll lower the actual settlement in exchange for the doctor using his connections to fix the girl's face - at whatever the cost. "$150,000 and a smile." That's his final offer.
The scene moves outside into the general office area. Rebecca's on the phone with Eugene, and Bobby's complaining that he could have just waited there for the verdict. They grumble about whether or not Eugene should be there and end up deciding to start their meeting anyway. First, Bobby says he'll represent both of them at the disbarment hearing. Lindsay's wearing an awful vest and thinks that she should get independent counsel. Yes, yes! screams Ragdoll, because maybe then she'd meet someone else and never get engaged to the damn fellow. Anyway, Bobby then wants Ellenor to clear the air about the whole "spirit of the firm" thing that made her cry yesterday, and she says, "We bend, we fold, we mutilate; it's like our motto." He asks if Lindsay agrees, and she does; Jimmy doesn't know if he'll agree or not. Lindsay starts on her rah-rah "what we could be" speech, foreshadowing the disaster to come, and argues that they are the lawyers who end up making lawyers look bad. They discuss the merits of streamlining their clientele. Maybe it's Bobby who likes it in the trenches? Lindsay wants to know, so that if they want to get out of this kind of lawyering, they can. Be honest, Bobby. There's some Introspective Music.
Courthouse. Shockingly, the jury finds dopey Teddy Maynard not guilty. That's enough of that.
McCall's pub. Okay, Continuity Issue #365: Jimmy was just arguing the case in the morning, and Eugene got his verdict while they were still having their meeting -- In. The. Morning. How'd Renee and Eugene end up at the pub? Better yet, how'd it end up nighttime so darn fast? Renee makes a pass at Eugene. He refuses, but smiles a whole lot; she's kind of embarrassed, kisses him on the cheek, and leaves. There's some tension that we know doesn't go anywhere and we get a break as we cut to the final commercials.
The end of the episode finds an astounded Mrs. Stevenson exclaiming, "I don't believe it!" as Jimmy lets her know that they were awarded the hundred and fifty grand and a smile. She ecstatically agrees to the deal and rushes into the basement to tell her daughter. A satisfied client to start the new firm on their new rise to credibility. Warm fuzzies fly all around. Bobby gives Jimmy some props for his humanity: "Good job. You know exactly what this [firm] is all about." Fade to black.