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2-4 2002.12.17 |
Kelly and Smelly Kelly gets a boyfriend who has two nicknames. One is Pukey, because he pukes on stage. And the other refers to his penis resembling a certain odd-looking vegetable because of venereal disease. The chickens are finally coming home to roost for Ozzy and Sharon, aren't they. |
| Ep. | Title | Air/Pub'l | Author |
| 2-4 Recap |
Kelly and Smelly Beauty and the Bert - Kelly gets a boyfriend who has two nicknames. One is Pukey, because he pukes on stage. And the other refers to his penis resembling a certain odd-looking vegetable because of venereal disease. The chickens are finally coming home to roost for Ozzy and Sharon, aren't they. |
2002.12.17 2002.12.21 |
Stee |
| 2-3 Recap |
Light My Fire The Ozz Man And The Sea - Ozzy gets some weird notions into his head. One of those things is this idea: to build a huge bonfire on the beach! His ostensible reason is to cheer up Sharon, but really he just likes to burn things. Then somehow in the middle of that, he gets another idea: to go fishing in the Pacific Ocean, with cheese. Don't ask. Just read. |
2002.12.10 2002.12.11 |
Stee |
| 2-2 Recap |
Black Sabbath �Must Come Down - Tragedy strikes the suddenly uber-uber-famous family when Sharon discovers she has colon cancer. Ozzy starts drinking again, self-medicating while on tour, and then tries to stop. Kelly puts her pain into her Donnas-like solo album while Jack goes on a surfin� safari. We all have our own way of dealing with the pain. |
2002.12.03 2002.12.05 |
Stee |
| 2-1 Recap |
The Osbourne Slump What Goes Up - Well, after a seven-month period during which they reached maximum overexposure, Ozzy and crew are back with their second season. While we don't touch on Sharon's cancer yet, we do get a barometer of the clan, including seeing the effects of the show's success. So, are the Osbournes played out? Did the hype kill it? F*&! no. |
2002.11.26 2002.12.02 |
Stee |
| 1-10 Recap |
My Dinner With Ozzy The End Of The Innocence - In a slight variation from the rest of the season, this final episode (all together now: "No!!!") features Ozzy being served a full multi-course meal in a controlled, Masterpiece Theatre-esque set while imparting to us pearls of Oz-wisdom; never-before- and before-seen clips illustrate his teachings. Just go. I'm no good at goodbyes. GO!!! |
2002.05.07 2002.05.11 |
Stee |
| 1-9 Recap |
Gravy Train! Deck The Hells - It just ain't Christmas until the family is bickering, Dad is boasting tirelessly about his gravy, and the security guard has been arrested for breaking into a local home while the parents are on a nationwide rock tour, is it? |
2002.04.30 2002.05.05 |
Stee |
| 1-8 Recap |
Dill Hole You're Uninvited - Things are tough for Ozzy these days. Not only can Ozzy not open his The Best of Chris Farley DVD, but Jack has taken a boy-shine to a Jesse Camp-y pro skater named Jason Dill. Jason moves into the house, leaving broken griddles and hair-goo in his wake. |
2002.04.23 2002.04.28 |
Stee |
| 1-7 Recap |
Kelly Whines. Ozzy Wines. Satan, Give Me Strength - Ozzy, while telling us that he should never drink, gets ripped on wine and then tries to walk Lola. It doesn't work out too well. Oh yeah, and this is during Thanksgiving dinner, which is then ruined. Fed up with his meddling family, Ozzy then goes out on tour alone, forbidding the family to come along. You think that will stop Sharon? Yeah, right. |
2002.04.16 2002.04.18 |
Stee |
| 1-6 Recap |
Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Family Matters - Ozzy, hobbled by a mysterious shin fracture (rumor is he fell off the wagon, and then actually fell off the wagon), squirms like he's the one being lectured as the 'rents sit down to talk to Kelly and Jack about the drugs, the alcohol, and the constant partying. Funny -- Jack and Kelly sat down to have the exact same conversation with Ozzy ten years ago. |
2002.04.09 2002.04.13 |
Stee |
| 1-5 Recap |
Sweating With The Oldies Ozzy Go Boom - Ozzy goes on the road, working out first to get in shape. Watch it anytime you feel so crappy at exercising and so out of shape that it's just not worth it -- you'll instantly feel like there's hope. |
2002.04.02 2002.04.06 |
Stee |
| 1-4 Recap |
A Rich English Snot Is A Person In Your Neighborhood Ozzy Gets Wood - They're the people that you meet, each, day! A role-reversal too hokey to be believed -- if it wasn't true -- occurs when Ozzy and Fam are kept awake every night by loud neighbors. Sharon don't play that. |
2002.03.26 2002.03.29 |
Stee |
| 1-3 Recap |
Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah T-R-(Wot The Bloody)-L? - Here I am at "Camp Rich-kid-adda." The kids hate all me, cuz I'm so odd. I threw rocks at all the campers please don't be mad! Yup, Jack goes to camp and gets into deep doo-doo. Meanwhile, Ozzy does press in New York while Kelly gets a tattoo. Oh, and then Jack has to listen to Ozzy on Loveline talking about his Viagra usage. No wonder he's about to go Jason Voorhees on everyone. |
2002.03.19 2002.03.22 |
Stee |
| 1-2 Recap |
Frodo battles pee! No Bats Or Doves, But Everything Else - If we just got scene upon scene of Ozzy and fam ranting and raving as their numerous dogs piss and shit everywhere, it would be enough. But no, there is so much more. Kelly lets us know just how far up her crack her thong is, Ozzy reveals his hatred of vacuum cleaners and Billy Corgan, and Elijah Wood cleans up dog pee. |
2002.03.12 2002.03.16 |
Stee |
| 1-1 Recap |
All Aboard! The Osbournes - The best show ever on television debuts with our introductory look into the home life of metal legend Ozzy Osbourne and family. It's almost indescribably good; but Stee will do his best. |
2002.03.05 2002.03.09 |
Stee |
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