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Wondering why Robert picked Andy as the new boss? So is Andy, frankly. When Robert challenges Andy to inspire the office to double their sales, Andy is totally at a loss as to how to do it. Pretty much all he comes up with is a lame incentive plan for cheesy (and in at least one case, highly inappropriate) prizes, based on a points system. Unfortunately for Andy, Jim asks what they get for impractically high numbers of points, and Andy comes up with different ways to humiliate himself for different values. The good news -- and bad news -- is that after he says he'll get a tattoo of their choosing on his ass for five thousand points, they get right to work meeting that goal. Which they do, that very day. Long story short, Andy unwillingly lets the employees take him to the tattoo parlor to make it look like he's permanently crapping out a baby. Jim privately assures Andy that nobody actually expects him to do it (which is probably a lie), and after Andy has an epiphany about inspiring his employees, he presents his buttocks for decoration. The group has indeed taken pity on him and he finds himself with a Nard-Dog tattoo instead, and a whole staff cheering for him. So we get to find out why Robert picked him after all.
Also, Pam and Angela start taking pregnancy walks together, and Darryl appears to be getting back together with his ex, Justine. And Dwight is just aggressively coasting, which I didn't previously know was possible.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Jim asks Kevin for a favor with some paperwork, and he doesn't seem to notice until he's walking away that Kevin answered with "Yes, me do." Later, Jim brings Pam over to hear Kevin talk that way some more. Pam's a little worried about Kevin, but he assures her, "Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night." Pam and Jim want to get him to the hospital, but Angela and Oscar insist he's fine. "He's making a statement," Oscar explains. "It's an ironic comment of our expectations of him. A funhouse image of our model of Kevin." Has Oscar been listening to Robert California podcasts or something? But Kevin does a Tarzanning-head in which he explains that his non-English-speaking mechanic understands him just fine when he talks this way, and they're best friends. "Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?" Pam and Jim bring him in to Andy, who makes up the office's "word code," explaining it in terms of a dress code and saying Kevin's doing the verbal equivalent of walking around in his underwear. Kevin argue he save time. But then Jim demonstrates that Kevin's ambition of either "see world" or "SeaWorld" is taking him more time to explain, so Kevin gives in. For now. "When me president, they see," he THs.
So I guess these are the permanent credits. I've seen plenty of explanations why the showrunners and the network decided to make Andy the boss, so now we just need an explanation as to why Robert California would.
In an employee meeting in the conference room, Dwight shows off Sabre's new tablet computer, which is triangular and weighs three pounds. "How are we supposed to sell--" Stanley starts to say, until Jim deadpans, "I'll take five." Andy comes in for help picking out a tie and tie clip combo, and calls Oscar by his new nickname for him, "C-Span." I assume it's because Oscar follows current events, but Andy explains that it's short for Cocker Spaniel. "Spaniel, 'cause of your Spanish bloodline, and cocker, cause--" He almost stopped himself in time there. Dwight protests this use of their time, but Andy's still stressing about his first impression with Robert, which he thinks is still forming. Has Andy noticed that Robert doesn't even wear ties? Not for nothing, but Andy's also calling Dwight "Dee-Dub-Dawg." Dwight turns off the tablet (or the battery dies), and explains his new plan to us in a TH: "I'm going to sit around waiting for Andy's inevitable demise." Back in the meeting, Dwight small-talks to Oscar about "your friend Neil Patrick Harris." Are focus groups forgetting that Oscar's gay or something? Erin interrupts to say there's a message for "D-Dawg," and after some more Andy-inspired nickname nonsense, she tells Darryl that his ex Justine is coming by later. Kevin is confused, because he thought she was a [bleep] and Darryl [bleep] hated her guts, making sure to tell his offended coworkers that he's only quoting Darryl. Darryl happily says they're getting along now, and in a TH from his office, he says they resolved a lot of their old differences. He sings about their night, starting with a tune about a shower and discreetly lapsing into scat at the end. Scat singing! Gross, you guys.