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With Michael gone, Deangelo is free to indulge his own personal management style, which leans heavily on the "inner circle" model. But in addition to being poorly chosen, the inner circle consists entirely of dudes. When Pam and Angela point this out, Jim and Andy are their reluctant allies, only Jim gets de-circled and Andy gets co-opted.
Also, Deangelo has hired a new "executive assistant" right out of the trenches of retail, with no corporate experience or apparent comedy chops whatsoever, but I think he's just trying to prove something by hiring a woman. All he proved is that yes, it is possible to turn a subplot into a total dead end.
As if all this isn't bad enough, Ryan has, in an effort to convince Deangelo that he actually does something, assumed the role of Kelly's supervisor. Kelly plays along for as long as she can, but when the truth comes out…Deangelo makes Ryan her supervisor anyway. Which is totally not sexist.
Dwight totally and openly hates Deangelo, who takes this as a challenge to win him over. Deangelo eventually does, but it's with vinegar rather than honey. Not literally.
The other thing with Deangelo is that all his big talking is starting to get a little ridiculous. After he mimes a bravura juggling routine in front of the office and then boasts about his basketball dunking skills, Jim puts him on the spot to show everyone what he can do. Turns out Deangelo actually can dunk a ball -- but in the course of doing so, he grievously injures himself and ends up leaving in an ambulance. At least the warranty on him is still good, right?
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Deangelo is holding a come-to-Jesus meeting, with some pretty harsh truths, such as how they'll all be leaving by five, and how Darryl gets a full ride to night business school. Apropos of nothing, Deangelo THs in his office that he sees them trying to figure him out so they can tell him what he wants to hear, and before that happens, he needs to find out who's a good worker. "Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care." That shows some self-awareness, at least. And don't worry, Deangelo, the writers are still trying to figure you out too. Deangelo adds that Toby's getting a new chair, and his hostile attitude about all these perks, including a new thing called Ice Cream Thursdays, is getting pretty confusing. Kevin says it all sounds great, then admits he can see the downside when Deangelo glares at him, then admits he doesn't know what to think. "Kev's got me pegged," Deangelo THs nervously.
The credits have this weird clip of everyone laughing where Steve Carell's name and face used to go, and at the end of the sequence is a clip of Deangelo adjusting a little Native American figure on the spot on his desk where a Dundie used to live. What is this, Community?
Deangelo comes into the office talking to Darryl, and Pam waylays him to give him a resume for her friend Carla, with regard to the "executive assistant" opening. "Put it with the rest," Deangelo dismisses, and then calls out a "Hey dudes" to Jim and Andy on his way into his office. Pam's convinced that Deangelo hates her, but Jim assures her he doesn't; she just gets nervous around him. "Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle meetings?" Pam asks him. With a guilty look at the camera, Jim says there's not an inner circle. Andy THs that there is, and Jim THs that there isn't -- Deangelo just likes to delegate certain things to "a few guys." Yeah, it looks like it is all guys. Kevin THs, "Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Get that, ma?" But then he remembers that it doesn't actually exist.
Deangelo brings Dwight a coffee, which Dwight dumps in the trash. He owns the coffee shop and all, and compares it to seeing sausage being made, though not in the usual way. Deangelo invites Dwight for a six-pack in the park with some sausage, and Dwight directs him to Oscar. Deangelo THs about reaching out to Dwight but getting nowhere. "It reminds me of my relationship with my son, except there, I'm the Dwight." Well, we knew he didn't like kids.
In a meeting of the inner circle (which also includes Darryl and Gabe), Deangelo floats a couple of lame ideas before the meeting devolves into a little office basketball. Oh, I didn't notice that Andy's not in there. But Andy sure as hell did.
Deangelo gives Ryan some compliments, which leads to Ryan giving a TH about how since his valuable qualities are so intangible (read: nonexistent), "I... strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say." Kelly's not happy to hear about this, and calls Ryan on his habit lying for no reason, but is pretty won over when he says he'd also die for her. Because of how she doesn't realize that's a lie. Suddenly he's yells at her boss-like when Deangelo enters the annex, and she actually plays along. "Glad he's not my boss," Deangelo chuckles. "You're the best, thank you," Ryan whispers to Kelly when he's gone, which, to be fair, is the nicest we've ever seen him be to her.
Dwight's reading a newspaper and drinking a soda in the break room. Deangelo mentions that his cousin makes his own soda, and Dwight mocks, "Congratulations on your one cousin! I have seventy, each one better than the last." Damn, that is a schitload of Schrutes. Deangelo asks him what's going on, and Dwight says he's just not a suck-up and only wants to do his job. But Deangelo insists on winning him over. I guess if they can't make Deangelo consistent, how are they going to make Dwight's relationship with him consistent?
The inner circle is mocking resumes of prospective assistants in the conference when Deangelo gets sidetracked by one candidate's mention of juggling. Deangelo says he used to do a motivational juggling routine, and looks ready to demonstrate. But his gear isn't in his trunk, and when Andy tosses over his own set from his desk (which, of course), Deangelo demurs, saying he never touches another man's "juggling instruments." So, with his music playing on the boom box ("Bring Me to Life" by Evanescence, because Will Arnett isn't showing up with "The Final Countdown" for a couple more weeks), he goes into his juggling routine -- but without balls. It would really be something if there were anything to juggle. He even bounces the imaginary balls off Phyllis's face for a few seconds. At the end, people applaud politely, because what else are they going to do?
Later, in the break room, Pam does the same thing, but with imaginary eggs and bowling balls. Then with one hand, then no hands, following the imaginary items with her eyes. "What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine?" Jim asks her. "What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine?" Pam returns. She wonders why Jim's defending him, and Angela puts in that Deangelo's a sexist. Andy says he'd be able to tell if that were the case, having taken a lot of women's studies course s a Cornell and being the author of a companion piece to The Vagina Monologues called The Penis Apologies. Angela points out that Deangelo doesn't talk to any of the female department heads in the office. Angela has convinced Andy, but Jim is less thrilled about Pam's suggestion to bring it up with the boss. "And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his penis goodbye. Snip-snip. Am I right, girls?" Andy adds.
After the ads, Jim tries to have a closed-door meeting with Deangelo, but then Darryl comes in, and it turns into a whole inner circle meeting. Jim protests, but when Deangelo says it's "just the guys," that gives Jim his opening to bring up that "maybe there's a vibe." The other guys get all fratty, but Deangelo says he's glad Jim brought it to his attention. Jim totally buys it. Pays in cash and everything.
Kelly's on the phone to her mom explaining how Ryan's taking them out to dinner, and not standing them up this time. Cut to a joint TH where Ryan explains, "So I am the new customer service supervisor." "When Deangelo's around," Kelly clarifies. "And," Ryan eye-rolls, "I'm also a very dutiful boyfriend, when -- " "All the time," Kelly says. At least she's getting something out of this.
Deangelo sends Erin down to bring up the new executive assistant, who was apparently selected and hired and notified and is starting work all in the same day. While she's gone, Jim asks Deangelo whom he hired. That sends Deangelo into a nonsensical speech about how sexist he's not. "Raise your hand if you have a vagina," he tells the bullpen. "Raise your hand if someone you love has a vagina." Now almost everyone's hands are up, some with two. Including Deangelo. When he draws attention to this facet, Ryan follows suit, and so do a few other guys. I think the whole joke there was "We said vagina on TV!" Phyllis maintains, "I'm not a feminist, but I feel that the men in this office are being given chances that the women aren't." Deangelo asks for Dwight's take: "NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all." Deangelo is either impressed or pretends to be because he still wants Dwight to like him, but either way they both need to be punched in the dick. Erin enters with the new assistant, a tall blonde named Jordan, fresh from Anthropologie. "No corporate experience whatsoever. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits." Deangelo explains. That's stupid, but not stupid enough to be funny.
The inner circle plus Dwight gets texts to meet in Deangelo's office, but Dwight holds up his buzzing hone and yells, "No!" Also, it looks like Andy got Jim's spot. He claims to Angela that he's going to "infiltrate and change from within," then enters the room saying, "What up man cave?" and barking like Tim Allen. Pam tells Jim to go in anyway, figuring Deangelo just forgot. Sure he did.
Jim sneaks in, and as he sits down to Jordan, the room suddenly goes quiet. Deangelo stares at him until he gets the hint and leaves, which takes longer than you might think. In fact, I think it's still happening on the West Coast as you read this. Back at his desk, Dwight says, "So, he kicked you out of the inner circle, huh?" "There is no inner circle," Jim says lamely, not convincing anyone, least of all himself.
Jordan comes out to offer Dwight any help she can, per Deangelo's instructions. "Tell your whore to leave me alone!" Dwight yells from his desk, unsurprisingly.
Andy's running a meeting of the salespeople, delegating new projects, which is just soooo depressing for Jim, who's used to being above all this. "So this is my life, until I win the lottery," he THs. "Or until Pam writes that series of young adult books!" Pam pitches her idea in a TH that I'm going to pretend never happened, because the alternative is to completely hate her and I'm still not quite ready for that.
Ryan yells at Kelly for asking about her paycheck, because Deangelo is watching. She tries to play along, but finally tells Deangelo the truth, making an even stronger case for Ryan's uselessness than I realized was true. "He's like Rango," she sums up, which was probably funnier when Rango was out. Deangelo asks Ryan if it's true, and even Ryan can't come up with a better defense for himself than, "I didn't see Rango." Even so, Deangelo would rather leave Ryan as Kelly's supervisor than deal with this. Ryan sighs with relief, telling Kelly to finish up her work and he'll see her at 2:00 AM. Isn't it awesome how Michael's departure leaves more time for Ryan?
Pam interrupts a loud basketball-dunking lesson in Deangelo's office to ask them to keep it down, but that just turns into a sucking-up session from the inner circle, including Darryl. "The man is paying me to take Chinese," Darryl THs. "I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese." Pam politely repeats her request. Deangelo says they'll try, and invites Jim in. "You're back in," Pam whispers, not entirely thrilled. But Jim tells Deangelo that he wants to see this dunking instead. "Today. Now, maybe. 'Cause we have a hoop downstairs and a real ball, so you don't have to mime it." Deangelo pretends to beg off, but then agrees to head down, inviting Dwight, who passes: "If I wanted to see a pissing contest I'd lock Mose in he chicken coop." Deangelo loses it and hollers, "Dammit, Dwight, enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!" Dwight's TH, as he looks as shaken as a retrograde romance heroine who just got her obligatory spanking: "Okay, a little about me :I respond to strong leadership."
Downstairs, Deangelo is prepping, and to show off, he has Kevin sit under the basket (but only because Jordan is holding his jewelry). Deangelo says this is to show that anything is possible, and it's also for the troops. With that, he runs to the net without dribbling, and does manage to sink it, hanging from the hoop. "The doctor is in!" he crows, and the hoop comes crashing down and out of the shot, with Deangelo still hanging from it. But even with at least three documentary cameras shooting the action, all we see is Kevin rolling clear and everyone else's horrified faces.
Cut to everyone watching the ambulance leave, siren screaming. "Now what?" Jim asks Pam. Hey, this was your idea, dude. In fact, if you ask me, the whole series has already gone at least one episode too long.
Everyone is back at work when Deangelo wanders in, barefoot and in his hospital gown and head bandage. Jim tells Erin to call 911. "Who should I say is calling?" Erin asks. Deangelo slurs out an unintelligible "guy walks into a bar" joke until Jim and Gabe guide him out. You know, maybe some weeks, not have the tag at all, what do you think? It just makes this show suffer even more in comparison with Parks & Rec.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter , or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.