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Everyone has something to learn in this episode. Sandy realizes that Seth doesn't want to go to Berkeley, or to college anywhere else on the west coast. Seth and Summer realize that their college plans are very different, and that their relationship might not last past high school because of it. Ryan realizes that he actually has to face making college plans and think about leaving what has become his home. Kirsten realizes that a life of sober domesticity isn't for her after all, and also that 7 'n 7 was a con artist, and that Julie was in on the plan with her. Julie realizes that she can't afford to live in a luxurious condo, and has to move to a trashy trailer park with Gus the Awesome Landlord, and that Kirsten is a true and forgiving friend indeed when Kirsten shakes off the fact that Julie was involved in 7's scam and proposes that the two women start their own business that will get Kirsten out of the kitchen and Julie out of the trailer park. Johnny realizes that his post-high school plans to surf professionally conflict with his busted knee, acquired when My New Favorite Character Besides Gus runs him over. Taylor Townsend realizes that being antagonistic and cruel is not a good way to make friends, and decides to give up on getting Seth and try being a real friend to Summer. Marissa doesn't really learn anything, and gets to trash Summer's bedroom and destroy a valuable laptop while doing it. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Seth and Ryan have their pre-school breakfast at the diner. Both are stressing over some college forms that are due today, and that neither of them has finished filling out. Summer and Marissa show up; Summer, too, freaks out because, like Seth and Ryan, she forgot to fill out the form for the college counselor. Waiting until the very last second to start school work? Sounds like they're all ready for college to me! Seth strokes Summer's hair affectionately, reminding us all that they are, in fact, a couple, then talks about how excited he is at the prospect of leaving Newport for a college in a place with real people and seasons. On the other end of the enthusiasm spectrum is, of course, Marissa, who sulkily says she won't be going to college. She doesn't think she has a chance at getting in anywhere what with her "background" and "history." Looks like we'll be spending yet another episode dealing with Marissa's problems. Fan-fucking-tastic!
Kirsten complains that she's sick of spending her days alone in the kitchen. Sandy tells her she should start getting used to an empty house, since Seth and Ryan will be leaving for college soon. Fortunately, Sandy says, "Seth will be right up the road at Berkeley!" Well, not quite "right up the road" -- Berkeley's a good eight hours away from Newport. But I guess it's still closer to them than New England is. Way to want your real son to go to your alma mater and not seem to care about your adopted one, there, Sandy. Kirsten points out that Seth hates Newport and used to beg his parents to let him go to boarding school on the East Coast. She doesn't think he's going to want to stay in California now that he finally has the chance to leave it. He's never even said that he wants to go to Berkeley. "But he never said he didn't!" Sandy says, and runs out of there before Kirsten can say anything else that he doesn't want to hear. Kirsten stands in the kitchen, alone and bored.
Over at P-blik Skool, Chili announces to Marissa that Johnny is on the cusp of joining the PacWest professional surfing team. "That's great. Congratulations," Marissa says. Try not to care too much, there, Marissa. It's only your almost-boyfriend's dream come true. Chili actually calls Marissa out on her lack of acting talent and tells her to sound happier and more excited about this, like this show hasn't been trying to do just that for the last two and a half years now. Thanks for trying to help, though, Chili. And just in case you thought Chili's happiness for Johnny was purely selfless, he does have an ulterior motive -- he'll get to be in Johnny's "entourage," meaning that while Johnny travels all over the world surfing, Chili will get to go with him and sit back and enjoy the VIP parties. Marissa obviously couldn't give a crap about something that is important to someone else, but gamely tries to be excited for Johnny and Chili. She leaves. "Something's wrong with her," Johnny says. I'm still trying to figure out if Marissa's indifference to Johnny's success is intentional, or just Mischa Barton being bored, or just me being bored.