Five Celebrities

Previously on Celebrity Mole: Michael refused to jump off a cliff, which raised suspicions that he might be The Mole. Kathy and Erik formed a coalition, and Erik made a really stupid mistake. Or was it a mistake? Corbin refused to go with the group and allow Erik to have an exemption, which made Stephen angry. And then Stephen was executed.

Now that two people have been executed, the opening credits annoy me even more. Just cut out the people who have been executed! Although since some of the footage for this show was destroyed in a fire, maybe they need to keep the credits as long as possible to make up for any missing footage.

As always, we open with a series of interviews. Erik is shocked that Baldwin was executed. Michael doesn't know why he's still there. Kathy says she's starting from the beginning and has no idea who The Mole is. Frederique says it's heavy. Corbin says it's a stressful situation filled with emotion.

Big Island. Hawaii. The contestants arrive at Pohoa Bay, a lovely beach. Ahmad welcomes them. He looks hot and sweaty. There is $42,000 in the pot. Ahmad tells them to split up into two groups: one group of two people and one group of three. They just go with the way they were standing, so it ends up being Corbin and Erik in one group and Michael, Frederique, and Kathy in the other. Ahmad says that the group of two needs to designate one person as "a natural born leader" and the other as "someone who looks good on the beach." Corbin scratches his chin, really pondering which category is more appropriate for him. In an interview, Kathy says that Corbin shouldn't have hesitated; he should have just admitted that young Erik looks good on the beach. Corbin does finally admit it. Ahmad gives Corbin a captain's hat, and he gives Erik a lei, adding that he won't kiss Erik after putting it on him, as is Hawaiian tradition. Shut up, Ahmad. If you hadn't mentioned it, no one would have cared, but now you kind of look like a homophobic asshole. Plus, Erik's practically a girl anyway. Just kiss him, already! Ahmad points out the "offshore Mole account," which is an inner tube stacked with $30,000 in fake money and a flag. They have to retrieve the flag to get the money. They can't swim out; they need to construct a raft out of some junk on the beach, and it has to be big enough (and seaworthy enough) to hold their entire team. Erik's only job is to make smoothies for the rest of the team. That would be awesome! I would just make smoothies for myself, though. In an interview, Erik says he was disappointed to find out that he didn't get to help with the raft.

Ahmad says that they have thirty minutes, and then starts the clock. I have to take a second to point out Kathy's outfit. She's wearing a black sports bra, a long flowered skirt, and I think white high top sneakers. In case a basketball game breaks out on the beach. Oh, Kathy. Don't make me call Trinny and Susannah on you. In an interview, Kathy can wear whatever she freaking wants as she says, "I know Corbin's just in hog heaven, because he used to be a carpenter and you'd think he was Jesus with the 'I used to be a carpenter.'" Hee! Corbin orders his team to grab everything that could be a pole and set it to one side. He continues to yell out orders. In an interview, Kathy says, "Corbin turned back into Super Veiny Hockey Dad, but this week's episode was Super Veiny Hockey Dad Goes to the Beach." Corbin tells Kathy (who is holding a giant inflatable ball, for some reason) to get all of the rope she can from one pile. Kathy says she has to stretch first, which I assume is a reference to the giant ball she's holding or something. I don't know. At this point, I just laugh at everything she says. I'm easy. Meanwhile, Erik is scooping bananas into a blender. Corbin practically turns into the Incredible Hulk because he can't get a knot untied. Corbin Smash! Michael tells everyone that he found another term for "mole" on the internet: "Bartender of the animal kingdom." He made that up. Why would that be a term for "mole"?