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So good! One of Momma Veronica's eclectic friends, a software coder, dies due to unsafe labor practices, and without really knowing how or why, Alicia gets pulled into consulting with the remaining programmers (including Fran Kranz!) on their legal rights. One Nancy Crozier -- still rockin' the naïf vibe and being all incredible -- and several surprise firings and rehirings later, Cary and Alicia gets the coders protected from being terminated by claiming they're unionizing.
The widow abruptly gets pulled over to the Crozier side, with the company, but Alicia figures out -- after an offhand comment from David Lee -- that the widow's shares in the company make her management, and she can't sink the vote, so in the end the group unionizes. Unfortunately, the whole thing ends up driving the price of the company so low that they're snatched up by ChumHum, without need for any of the actual employees involved, and Alicia can't help but wonder whether her firm allowed all of this Labor Board stuff to unspool just to benefit ChumHum in the long run.
In the midst of all this talk of labor and management, two other things go wrong: Number one, Kalinda figures out that Robyn's compensation -- which includes healthcare -- is practically her own salary. Cary invites her to leave with him for the new firm, exclusively, and she gets into protracted negotiations with Will about whether or not she should become an exclusive L/G employee. It's Kalinda, you can never tell, but since everybody knows her they all know that; and she's subtle enough about the "other firm" pursuing her that Will, far from sniffing out the Cary side of things, seems to think she's just invented them to start up her campaign for more cash.
Meanwhile, the L/G assistant pool also gets inspired, and starts doing their own research into their fellows at other firms, and realize they're getting screwed too. The assistant uprising, which is where Alicia puts all her feelings and need to a saint, keeps getting torpedoed by David Lee because he is the worst, and eventually without consulting Alicia the partners make offers to the ringleaders of the uprising, with (fake David Lee-type) promises of more increases to come. Alicia comes out bravely here, speaking truth to power while also trying to negotiate her own life as part of management, so it's painful to see both labor disputes ultimately resolved in such discouraging ways.
Peter's got this idea that he wants to renew their Florrick vows, which happens to coincide with a tricky proposition: If he goes negative on Kresteva to offset a sudden polling surge, his numbers will drop, but because everybody loves Alicia, she can talk shit about Kresteva all day long and it won't do anything but help. He comes to Owen with a fairly transparent request for Owen to put in a good word for him with Alicia, which ends up winning over Owen after a lifetime of resenting Peter. Veronica, on the other hand, is not prepared to ever forgive him and so -- after Alicia threatens to cut her off altogether if she doesn't stop meddling in her marriage -- goes to Will instead, telling him there's a window and it's closing, and he needs to step it up.
One Charlie Rose interview later, in which Alicia calls Mike Kresteva a selfish drunk who is ruining his marriage and family worse than Peter ever did, the numbers have stabilized and, since she's pissed at Will for the L/G stuff and feeling particularly dicked around by everybody but her husband, Alicia agrees to the vow renewal.
As a fan of the show, it was nice to see such a great, well-paced, intriguingly interconnected episode, and I know I've been saying this every week, but the string of hits in the back third of this season is just really something to behold. It's well-crafted television, just as a written product, with then the characters, actors and history all extra bits of excellence that put it over the top.
Storywise, it's interesting getting into the business side of things, as we continue getting a backstage view of how L/G's "top-heavy" management stuff continues to be its own monster. Cary has never had more fun with Alicia, and I think even he was pleasantly surprised by Kalinda's willingness to cut ties and come with him (for the right price).
We have yet to see exactly what Will's going to do with the suggestion of some last-minute wooing before the window closes altogether, but I wonder whether he'll really go too far doing anything at all, considering how quickly -- at least apparently, to those not watching a TV show about her life -- Alicia is changing. And honestly, at this point she's getting so sick of every aspect of the firm that it remains a toss-up what she'll even do in week's Election Day finale... But at this point, would anything really surprise you?
Want more? The full recap starts right below!THE FUNERAL
Owen and Alicia stand at the casket, in the empty funeral home, for some time before realizing they're alone and they have no idea why they're there: It's for a friend of Veronica's, some computer programmer younger than both of them.
Alicia: "So wait, why are we here? Why are we the only people here? Is this like The Westing Game and it turns out David Lee was actually Neil Gross in disguise our whole lives?"
Owen: "Spoiler alert. And no, I think she probably just told us to be here a half-hour early, under the assumption we'd be a half-hour late."
Alicia: "For a flake of cosmic proportion she sure does feel comfortable administrating our shit."
Owen: "I know, I hate that! But also tell her everything you tell me. I guess on the principle that you make a better target."
RECEPTION
Alicia: "You're missing the point, I love Peter..."
Owen: "Gross me out, stop saying that."
Alicia: "He really has changed..."
Owen: "You're like an Oprah lady. You deserve a spanking. How does a person come from fucking whores? Seriously, how does a person change inside about that?"
Alicia: "Why does everybody -- you, mom, this show -- suddenly think Will is a thing and I should be with Will and he is the love of my life and I never should have dumped him and I shouldn't be bootycalling Peter and I'm only doing it because I feel a civic responsibility and because it would be awkward?"
Owen: "Girl I did not say any of those things. But yet I still won the argument I didn't know we were having."
Owen: "Your body is telling you things. You should listen to it. Did you kiss him, or did he kiss you?"
Alicia: "It was mutual. A mutual mistake."
Owen: "Why did you even break up with him last time?"
Alicia: "You're right, I was incredibly vague about it the whole time. I guess you could say it didn't seem like a long-term thing?"
Owen: "So you ended it? That's insane, you're insane..."
Alicia: "Shut up. Veronica's coming."
Veronica is every bit as weird, but more likeable every time she shows up. This time, it's to introduce Alicia to the widow Charlene, who is the actual person she knows here -- she's the niece of Malcolm, the last dead husband, that Veronica was cheating on if I remember correctly, in that episode I hated so much -- and this is the situation: Charlene and Frank, along with Fran Kranz's character Fran Kranz and several other people, are coders for a company called Blowtorch.
Frank's death, Charlene believes, is because they've been working them so hard, 18-hour shifts at the end of rollouts and stuff, and Frank passed out in the car. And so now, they want them to sign new contracts that don't have any provisions for overtime or hours worked, and also has a no-filing-suit clause, which they presume is about Charlene filing a suit. At no point does anybody explain what this has to do with Alicia, but she just offers to send them comparable contracts and no legal advice at all. Which in Veronica language -- which honestly, Alicia -- means "Oh, my daughter will be your new free lawyer."
FLORRICK 4 GOV
Peter's visited by a "severe-looking" pollster, Matt, who has double-checked the numbers and has come up with -- two weeks/one episode before the election -- a rather more troubling picture than Eli's internal guys thought
Peter: "Wait, suddenly I'm losing?"
Matt: "Here's my thought. You can't affect Kresteva's negatives with women without looking bad, but your wife can really hit him hard without affecting you."
Peter: "No way. She hates that stuff, I hate that stuff, and ... Well actually, she hates his ass more than I do, if that's possible. Hang on."
Alicia calls, right at that moment, and they have a funny conversation about how she's not Eli which -- remember that episode all about Peter's shirt? -- makes it seem like Eli is in the episode even though he isn't, and then he invites her to the campaign bus for dinner, some chicka-boom, and a secret debrief on her Charlie Rose interview on Thursday where he will most likely subtly influence her to go negative on Kresteva and neither of them will actually notice it happening. Just a guess.
GIANT FLORRICK OFC
Nancy Crozier! Having gotten to sample Mamie Gummer's delights in many different roles since Nancy first showed up, I find that my love for Nancy herself has remained at a satisfactory level, but I don't yearn for her quite as much. It's nice to see her; it's nice to see her getting in some ways more hardcore.
Nancy: "Nice rug in your giant office! My mom has one just like it!"
Alicia: "Nancy Crozier. What the hell do you want."
Nancy: "Because she's an old bitch, too."
Alicia: "No, I get it."
Nancy: "Anyway, I'm here to tell you we're offering a two-percent increase to the top twenty, but that's it."
Alicia: "I don't know what those numbers mean or why you are saying them."
Nancy: "Jenlowe's within his rights to fire them. He doesn't want to, but it's business."
Alicia: "Seriously, fill in some blanks here."
It's Blowtorch, of course. And Nancy is very firm that this is not about negotiating or about lawyers: They need to sign the contracts, and fuck 'em if they don't, so let's get this done.
Alicia: "Sure? Since none of this is my deal or even something that I know what it is."
Nancy: "I'm glad we understand each other..."
Alicia: "Well, except we don't."
Nancy: "...Because I like ya, and I don't wanna see ya make a mistake."
Alicia: "That's awesome that you 'like' me, but..."
Nancy: "What I don't like is sarcasm, because it is cheap. Good day, madam."
L/G
Shockingly enough, Lockhart/Gardner is no friend to the workin' man.
David Lee: "We don't do management/labor..."
Will: "Except when we do..."
David Lee: "Yes, and certainly these random computer nerds should be the exception."
Diane: "Alicia, thank you for joining us. What the fuck."
Alicia: "I know, right? I have no idea!"
David Lee: "We're getting C&Ds from random places now? 'Blowtorch' type of places?"
Diane: "Sure, you can bring clients at your discretion, but use your head please. We're talking about stuff that directly infringes on ChumHum business...
Alicia: "Diane, I would never. If we alienate Neil Gross, Jacob is going to freak the hell out and take us all with him. This is classic Veronica Loy overstep..."
David Lee: "Veronica Loy, you say."
Alicia: "Gross. Look, I'm sorry this has become a thing. They are not 'my' clients, they're not my anything."
David Lee: "Say hi to your mother for me."
Alicia: "Gross. You guys, I'm just finding comps for their contract, that's it."
L/G: "But they think you're their lawyer."
Alicia: "Again, not my fault. My mother's fault -- David Lee put your goddamn tongue back in your mouth, you look like a wolf in a pimp hat, leaning up against a lamppost, flipping a quarter -- and I will get it off my desk immediately. I'm so embarrassed."
L/G: "Do you need it explained to you that management v. labor can be tricky?"
Alicia: "Uh, no, I've been present for some years now, of America."
THE INSURRECTION BEGINS
Cary advises Alicia, in a voice like warm delicious honey, that most similar contracts get at least a month family leave and OT for 60+ hours and performance bonuses, and Alicia asks an admin to make copies, and this admin Lorna immediately runs to where the admins lunch and starts telling them about how Cary and Alicia believe that these things are fair, and yet so why do we not get these things?
A ghostly hammer and sickle appear in the air, glowing with a firey red, Ron Paul turns over in his grave, but it is too late: The specter of fair labor practices has descended on Lockhart/Gardner, and the only thing left now is to say goodbye to the entire concept of small family-owned businesses, shutter your home, and await the looting.
CROZIER
Well, that was especially futile/ironic because Nancy Crozier is already well-prepared with some bullshit you gotta hear to believe. Charlene comes in and Alicia tells her to take her grief-stricken buzzkill ass home, but a vibe passes between her and Nancy and she decides to stay. Nancy's first point is that these contracts aren't actually comparable, because...
"Fran Kranz? Charlene? Do you consider yourselves equivalent to shop workers, pipe layers, and, let's see, janitorial service personnel? Aren't you more like artists? Entrepreneurs? These lawyers want to talk in dollars and cents. But that's not what your work is about. It's about... Magic. It's about genius."
Alicia and Cary valiantly resist the power of her words, and when Nancy's able to confirm that all 20 have joined up behind Fran Kranz, she awesomely produces 20 sealed letters of dismissal, one for each, and starts packing up her stuff. It's so stylish, how she does her shit: "Good luck with everything, we already messengered your stuff to your houses, and thanks for being pathetic, but really we want artists, not employees." Fran Kranz flips out and starts begging to sign it, but Nancy just blows him off with a "we don't want you all getting your contagious 'employee' germs all over the real artists." And I gotta say, I love it, because anybody who would fall for that is a bigger asshole than she, or their boss, could ever hope to be.
CAMPAIGN BUS
Peter: "Are you having a bad day? Me too."
Alicia: "Then by all means, tell me what is wrong."
Peter: "Well, I am down by two points."
Alicia: "Actually you are up by five."
Peter: "Actually that was incorrect and now I have to find a way to point out that Kresteva is, in addition to being the worst person imaginable, also sexist."
Alicia: "I got twenty kids fired. Including a grieving widow, and Fran Kranz."
Peter: "I just coincidentally reproduced our first date and now I want to ask you to take a trip with me to Hawaii after the election so we can renew our vows."
Alicia: "Nope."
Peter: "Will you consider it?"
Alicia: "Uh, will you consider not fucking whores?"
Peter: "I can try."
Alicia: "Then I can 'try' to consider it."
But because it's Alicia, you know she actually will, because it's the polite thing to do. I don't really have a horse in this race, honestly. He does seem to have taken an awful lot of steps to redeem himself, and at this point Will's just something she's using to hurt herself, which sucks, so whatever. Vow renewals are the grossest thing to me anyway, they always seem like the saddest desperate move, like if the couple is too old to have a kid to save the marriage and fuck up that kid to save the marriage -- or go to fake couples therapy for the resentment abscess-bursting and trying to get the guy to pick a side -- they just go to Hawaii, every time. And then a year later, you get divorced anyway but at least Hawaii was fun.
There's course-correction and then there's "How did this boat end up in Arizona, a landlocked state? I don't know the answer, but I'm pretty sure it isn't dedication and sincere effort." Me, I think you should renew your contract every year. Keeps you honest. I don't understand making promises you can't keep, or don't feel like keeping, because then what is your word worth? Why even stay married, if you're going to fuck around? If you want to be with me, be with me. If you don't, don't. And if you don't know who you're going to be in five years, what is wrong with you.
But I guess this is a special case, because they would actually be getting married, like in the traditional sense, at this point. I still say don't do it. Not after just a few weeks of bootycalls.
THE BLOWTORCH TOP 20 FORMER EMPLOYEES TO WATCH
So now everybody is upset because they got fired, which is a story with two sides, but Cary and Alicia have figured out an angle: Just say you were trying to form a union. Not that they were, or ever talked about it, but what if they had?
Nancy: "But they are still not actually a union."
Cary: "Which only matters if they aren't certified by whatever court-imposed deadline."
Nancy: "Which I think should be expedited to 24 hours."
Alicia: "Fuck that."
Judge Rod: "Because I am weird and capricious, I agree to this random deadline."
He describes it as compromise, and you can see why it took him this long to make judge of this bizarre little court, because the compromise is that the people aren't fired, but on the other hand they have no time at all to get the union together. I think beyond the obvious corruption and lifeguard stuff, Judge Rod is my least favorite judge. I love watching him, and I'm not like annoyed by his quirks, but just: What? That's so dumb, you're so dumb.
L/G
There's a little moment where Will is lambasting an admin for misspelling something -- if she's faking, that's a shot across the bow; if he's just bitching, that proves their point -- and then he goes into his office, where Kalinda has gone ahead and sat at his desk.
Will: "We're not talking about money. I know you're here for that, but you already got a raise this year."
Kalinda: "I'm being pursued."
Will: "Because you never tell us anything, I don't know how insensitive it is for me to make a stalker joke right now. Or else the universe itself has decided to forget Nick Savarese ever existed."
Kalinda: "It's a new firm, top secret, and the problem is that Robyn gets healthcare. Which is equivalent compensation to thirty grand, which puts her total compensation at about equal to mine. And I'm not having it, mister. She's been here five weeks, I've been here five years."
Will: "She's exclusive. That's the price. You wanna come aboard? Or do you want freedom?"
Kalinda: "I want my value. I want a compelling reason to stay here, with you."
Will: "It's all money money money today. We're a family!"
Kalinda: "Says management. You have the privilege of looking at it that way. And you have the bliss of ignorance about this new firm you don't even believe exists."
Will: "Come on exclusively and we'll talk. Freedom has its price."
Kalinda: "I'll talk to the other guys."
Will: "The imaginary ones."
It's kind of sad because he has the same smile and the same rhythms of their friendship, their banter, but she knows it's not imaginary, so he looks a little stupid, and they're not actually having the fun cute conversation they usually have, and there's no way to tell him otherwise.
ONLY REVOLUTIONS
Fran Kranz counts on his fingers and says that of 60 coders total, they're half and half with two swing votes. If these two random coders don't both come over, no dice: Tie goes to management. So Alicia and Cary tell them, in no uncertain terms, to start pressuring the swing votes, and Alicia goes off to the admins.
Alicia: "Hey, you guys! It's so nice how we're all on a team together?"
Admins: "It's not so nice how we get paid ten percent less than staff at other Chicago firms of our size, though."
Alicia: "For real? I wish that was not true. This just keeps sucking more and more. And even if I left, I couldn't escape being management. I would be a name partner, which seems to have driven Will and Diane insane this year; it would be worse. I may have fallen prey to the Peter Principle."
David Lee: "I am here to shit on everything and be awful, okay?"
The concern is about how every absence and hour of leave comes into their performance evaluations, which also does sound draconian. I don't know, I'm so used to rooting for L/G that I'm kinda glad we're getting to see, via Alicia, how any old company can easily also be bullshit. David Lee whips them into an immediate frenzy using just his shitty personality, and Alicia has to raise her voice. I know!
Alicia: "We're not talking about solutions today, we're hearing concerns."
David Lee: "Fuck that, let's get our top concerns on the table. I'll go first..."
Margie: "Seven percent pay bump, which is still below the other firms. Number two, three years to vest in a retirement plan instead of five..."
David Lee: "Why don't you go to one of these awesome firms, then, and fuck right off?"
Lorna: "Did you seriously just threaten to fire Margie? Who has been your assistant for eleven years?"
David Lee: "I am David Lee. You don't have a word for how awful I am."
A riot, just like David Lee wanted, erupts. He gets them to threaten a strike, then a union to do the strike, and just when you think it can't get worse, it gets kind of beautiful because he's so over the line he's yelling shit like, "How you gonna form a union when you can't even fucking get my lunch order right" and it's the most amazing shitshow, and honestly if Alicia weren't in there feeling defeated and sensitive about it, it would probably be the best thing that ever happened. At the very least, punches could be thrown.
BACK HOME
Zach's finally eighteen. I mean, uh, Zach is eighteen. "Finally" makes it sound like something somebody creepy would say. I just feel like he's earned it, he's a very responsible young man. Veronica cracks a joke about the draft that hits Alicia in exactly the perfect wrong way you'd imagine, and follows it up with "But you can buy porn!"
In the kitchen, Owen and Alicia talk about how Veronica really enjoys the kids and that's why she's always around now.
Alicia: "I've been trying to get her to come see them for ten years and now it's like..."
Owen: "We were raised by the woman, we both know she hates babies. Hey, how's Peter? Speaking of giant babies."
Alicia: "Yeah, what the hell was that? You guys had a meeting or something?"
Owen: "First of all, you need to sink Kresteva with women on Charlie Rose. And second of all, I think I love your husband."
Alicia: "Oh shit, did he ask you for something?"
Owen: "I know, right? What is that?"
Veronica comes in and does some weird business with hand puppets; it's cute.
Veronica: "So I'm just gonna give Zach some wine real quick..."
Alicia: "Hold up, what?"
Veronica: "Come on, I let you drink wine at sixteen..."
St. Alicia: "And I have never forgiven you."
There's a funny Nora Ephron kind of moment where Veronica points out that in countries with no drinking age, there's no public drunkenness, which Alicia says is made up but Owen counters with the even better "Yeah, and in Muslim countries there's no public drunkenness too," which is just a cute conversation I've never heard on TV before but sounds like every conversation of real life. It's nice. And then it gets not nice, once Alicia pours herself a Big Carl amount of wine and glugs it.
Veronica: "What's that about?"
Owen: "Oh, well see, Peter asked her to renew their vows..."
Alicia: "Jesus CHRIST, Owen. Seriously? That's gotta be a record, even for you."
Veronica: "He just wants to tie you down and clip your wings and..."
Owen: "No, I've flipped on Peter. I love him now."
Veronica: "What the hell? When did this happen?"
Alicia has absented herself, by the way, entirely from the conversation. Like physically backed out of it, scowling.
Owen: "I talked to him, and I think he's grown a lot."
Veronica: "You are a pushover!"
Owen: "No, I love my sister and I want her to be happy..."
Veronica: "So I what, want her to be unhappy? Two months and it's back to the hookers."
You better believe everybody goes as still as fawns in the forest when she drops that shit. Even Veronica is amazed by how horrible she's being, and immediately calms down and apologizes.
Veronica: "Should I stop?"
Alicia: "Nah, this is why I have you over! Into my home!"
Veronica: "Fine. If Owen gets to talk to Peter, then I..."
Alicia: "Mother, I swear to you. If you talk to Peter, you will never see those kids again. Or me. This is my life. Do you fucking copy."
She stomps off and everybody shivers all over their bodies and Veronica, hilariously, is like, "Fine, I guess I won't talk to Peter then." Just into the empty silence, with Owen looking like he's about to crawl into the cabinets and the whole world still shaking from the mighty rage of Alicia.
BLOWTORCH
Sooooo the swing votes just got fired. Why? Sickout. How did Blowtorch know about that? Monitoring Skype videos of them discussing what they were doing with their day other than not working and pretending to be sick. Specifically, because they were tired of being pressured for their votes, but generally I guess because they are "artists."
Nancy: "I mean, keep giving me reasons."
Alicia: "It's not a valid reason if you're spying on your employees..."
Nancy: "And if they were monitoring their Facebook pages that would be spying..."
Jacob: "Would it? I can't see how that could possibly be true, but you guys go on without me."
Nancy: "But this was routine monitoring of company laptops."
Cary: "Which they had in their homes..."
Alicia: "...Along with a legitimate expectation of privacy."
Nancy: "Judge Rod? Feeling a little ganged-up on."
Judge Rod: "One at a time."
Nancy: "So the employee handbook does say this stuff is subject to monitoring at all times."
Alicia: "Sure, and if they combed through every email and Skype they monitored, they'd find all kinds of other shit because people are people. But this is specific, because it's pretext, because they knew those two were the swing votes."
Nancy: "But that's not why they were fired, they were fired for lying."
Judge Rod: "Let's just compromise!"
They wait for a while to hear what the compromise is going to be, but he's so dumb he didn't really even have one, so now the election is going forward and the swing votes are still fired. I mean, he's super dumb which is offensive, but so many people are actually like this in real life, like, we were all raised to believe in fairness and so some people just naturally do this thing in their heads where everything has to even out, even when that makes no sense. Like, "there are actually two sides to the Creationism debate" or whatever dumb anti-woman legislation is going on, there always has to be a "debate" and there always have to be two sides and they always have to be the same amount of true. It is pathological that you would say that or think that. And yet.
Alicia: "Hell with this, I'm gonna go harass Charlene the Widow. There's your fuckin' swing vote."
CHARLENE
Alicia: "Hey, Charlene! I think we're like second cousins or something, if you think about it. My mom married your uncle..."
Charlene: "Get away from my house."
Alicia: "Can't we just talk about it? I mean, it was so weird... And your husband is so, so dead..."
Charlene: "Seriously, don't even."
Alicia: "I mean, this vote could actually change things..."
Charlene: "Don't you dare play the Your Husband Died For This card."
Uh, why not, exactly? He totally did. You are totally being gross. You are totally the one playing the My Husband Died So Don't Call Me Gross card, which makes you double gross. Charlene looks for a moment like she's going to relent, excuses herself for a moment... And when she comes back to the door, she's got Nancy Crozier on the line. Faced!
L/G
Kalinda's sitting at Cary's desk when he comes into his office, and she slides a number over to him, but she won't tell him whether that's her current salary, only that she wants this for exclusivity. His mouth says I'm not getting into a bidding war, but Kalinda's eyes say Call it whatever you want, tiger.
MEANWHILE
David Lee is, guess what, throwing a huge fit. Seems Margie dicked up his lunch reservation and he just can't imagine why.
Will: "Turns out my assistant I yell at is pulling the same shit."
Diane: "Whatever, this is some whining right here. Are any of the clients figuring it out?"
Alicia: "I mean, we can't make just one or two substantive concessions?"
David Lee: "I will NEVER SURRENDER."
Alicia: "They're not really being crazy. I saw the comps."
David Lee: "Just because you failed the Blowtorch workers, don't try to expiate your..."
Will: "Whoa, man. Chill."
Diane reiterates that -- while it does make sense they want more, since the partners aren't being secretive about spending on infrastructure -- the problem is still precedent. They can't all get what they want at the same time.
David Lee: "So we fire the ringleaders! My same plan as every other plan! I'll fire Margie right this second, I'll take her ass out. Say the word."
Will: "Setting aside the obvious human behavior parts of this you're never going to get..."
Alicia: "I mean, the lawsuits alone..."
David Lee: "Sack up, new guy. I can't keep telling you this. You're management now."
Diane: "I hate to say it, but we do have to split them up."
Will: "Let me think about it."
Uh, obviously -- not that you guys are the good guys here -- but obviously you should Charlene the ringleaders and make them happy and then promise further increases down the road. If any of you idiots had seen the way Cary looked at that yacht catalog you would have first offered him the promotion and second looked into becoming a yacht.
BACK TO WILL
Kalinda: "If I commit, what do I get?"
Will: "What do you want? More than is on this piece of paper from the imaginary new firm?"
Kalinda: "I need it, Will."
Will: "Yeah, turns out we're having a legitimate uprising today? So calm down."
Kalinda: "Who's rebelling exactly?"
Will: "The assistants, why?"
Kalinda: "No reason whatsoever."
Will: "Don't do anything stupid, like break my heart."
Kalinda: "I'm sure Robyn can cover it. You're like a family, right?"
BLOWTORCH
While this storyline is admirable in the way it spins off into every other aspect of the show, which I love, the twists are a little blatant in the case itself so I kind of don't care about it, but this part was pretty great: Charlene's payout was company stock -- four mil, actually -- and that puts her over the five percent threshold to earning a seat on the board. Meaning Charlene's not an employee -- or even an artist -- as of that settlement: She's management too.
Isn't that perfect? Alicia would like nothing better than to steal from Howard Lyman and give to her secretary, even everything thing out at this top-heavy monster she's chained herself to, but she can't: She's a partner, she doesn't really have a voice. Even when she tried to mediate, David Lee stepped all over it with a gesture toward teaching her the ropes. So then that problem becomes the solution: Charlene's not a swing vote, because she doesn't get a vote. Just $4M in shares.
CHARLIE ROSE
Charlie Rose: "So Mike Kresteva is currently ahead with female voters. Do you think that's because your husband is untrustworthy?"
Alicia: "I think that's the easiest way to look at it, because sex sells. The press has always been more interested in Peter's history, his past failings as a family man, and less in the years and ways he's atoned for that. I mean, it's even more sensational than Mike Kresteva's current huge problems, when you think about it..."
Charlie Rose: "Hmm, like what?"
Alicia: "Let me preface in the most manipulative way possible by reminding you of the title of the show we're on a show inside. Running a political campaign is not a one-man show. For every candidate out there giving speeches and kissing babies, there's a spouse who's doing everything else. If everything is perfect, it is still tremendously hard. And when it's not..."
Charlie Rose: "Delicious..."
Alicia: "He's a substance abuser. A serious disease. He'll need all the support he can get and I hope he does get it, but instead of prioritizing his family and dealing with those issues, Mr. Kresteva has thrown himself into a political campaign. To me, that's more interesting than hookers from four years ago. The candidate more committed to women, and to the family, is my husband. Peter Florrick."
WILL
"I know it now, and I've always known it."
You know he's watching. You know the last line cuts him like a knife; it's like he never existed at all.
Which is when Veronica Loy, of the always impeccable timing, appears. His face doesn't move, the whole time she's speaking; he betrays nothing. He is cordial, polite, asks whether she's gotten to see David Lee, and thanks her for visiting, but he doesn't respond. Doesn't betray. Sunday, I guess we'll find out what he thought of this:
"Hard to believe she can say that with a straight face, isn't it? Listen, do you love my daughter? Because if you do, it's time to stop being polite about it. You have a window, but it's closing. That schmuck of a husband of hers wants to renew their vows. And I know my daughter, if she does that, you're never gonna pry her away from him. So you've got to move. Now."
And even though it's just about the most Wendy Scott-Carr thing anybody's done in a while, something about the way she phrased it really got my sympathy. She sees this as a battle for her daughter's spirit, her future, and the window is closing. She knows that giving is taking, and that this oath will be the last one Alicia ever takes. It's not because she thinks Alicia's dumb, or weak, or anything: It's because she knows exactly how strong Alicia is. That's the part that scares her.
BLOWTORCH
It takes him awhile to get to the point, but the vote passes. Everybody cheers, and Judge Rod turns to negotiating the contracts, now with the union bargaining. Which is when Nancy smiles, and takes her leave: Blowtorch has just been sold. And guess who bought 'em. I forgot this part about Nancy, I was blindsided by this shell game, but it is beautiful:
"ChumHum really wanted Blowtorch for the intellectual property and not the employees, so... It's a good thing they got it so cheap!"
L/G
Alicia storms Diane's office, doesn't wait for them to stop talking, doesn't wait for shit. Just starts yelling. The partners laugh nervously -- was it not Alicia that brought the bedeviled case to the firm to begin with? -- but she isn't buying.
Alicia: "So it's just a coincidence that ChumHum bought it? After all that?"
L/G: "I don't know what it is, but we didn't do anything wrong. Business just does what business does, Alicia."
And then they take her along to the partner's meeting, for the worst thing. The Clerical Rebellion of 2013, as David Lee calls it, has been quashed. Alicia tries, again, to speak up, but Will shuts her down: It's not necessary to protect them anymore. The ringleaders have been bought off with a title and pay bump, along with three days a week telecommuting. Everything they wanted. And the other guys, they'll get what they want eventually.
Alicia, frankly, gets a little foolish at this time. I mean, it's like the second time she's ever expressed an emotion so you can understand how it gets out from under her, but yes, she does start screaming about how they bought them off, after just having screamed in another room of this floor about how they used her to get more ChumHum business. Maybe she'll just keep screaming from now on.
But first, she climbs onto the bus, where she learns her Charlie Rose bump carried him across the board. And then, because she can't trust anybody else and because Will Gardner can go fuck himself, but mostly because she wants to, she says yes.
We love to give.
WEEK
Finale, election, big love story throwdown, and I'm presuming at this point that if Alicia doesn't start her own firm, she'll settle for setting the one she's got on literal fire. I can't wait, this last act of the season has been a dream come true and I have loved every second of it. I'm actually more excited just as a fan, wondering what is going to happen, than I can remember being even during knockout arcs of the show. It really does feel like just about anything could easily happen, doesn't it?
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Good Wife, Bates Motel, and Defiance for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, Twitter, and Facebook, as well as a regular column for Tor.com, Geek Love.