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Eli's story is probably the most mirthful this week, as that wonderful James Carville-like guy is back and we finally meet his fairly charming candidate, whose college years included a penchant for taking candid photographs where he's blowing statues. Eli wants to get the pictures out there, because I don't know if you've figured out Eli's million-dollar strategy yet, but it's called disclosure. Every time.
At first the candidate swears that it's just this one Santa Claus that he fellated -- if you ever wanted to hear Alan Cumming say "fellating" like a hundred times without actually having to attend the scary Bret Easton Ellis Caligula parties that presumably take up 90 percent of Alan Cumming's downtime, have I got a show for you -- but it turns out he was really into doing it, like, all the time. So in the end they switch the entire story over to alcoholism and send him to rehab, with the story note that the Carville guy wants to send their candidate, Mulvey, into the State Senate race that Parker Posey was also talking about, which makes Eli feel nervous.
Also making Eli nervous: His snotty, charmless daughter Marissa's newfound and very intense interest in Zach Florrick. She's over at his house when Grandma Jackie shows up yet again on Peter's behalf, which makes Jackie nervous in turn, but when the horrible Weirdo Tutor also shows up wearing some kind of attention-begging getup, Jackie loses her entire goddamn mind and starts going through all of Alicia's shit, starting with her bedroom.
The case itself is a lipless white guy we meet like one time, who was arrested for killing his girlfriend, but the real situation is that she was carjacked and killed with the gun he'd given her, but the actual point of the story is that the information key to getting him off is something that only Ricky Packer, a truly monstrous individual on Death Row, knows. Luckily Romany Malco's Legal Aid is working his defense, so it's both convenient and futile.
They have to stall and stretch the whole entire Death Row appeal from like a 36-hour timeframe, just in order to find out this one fact, and one of the murders was incorrectly solved and there is a fake confession to one of them by a youthful wannabe, and it's all very stressful, and Alicia spends the whole time asking her dipshit questions like, "Is the death penalty really okay? What is its role in society?" and "How do appeals generally work?" and "What do defense attorneys do again? I keep forgetting, is it being really judgmental about their clients instead of doing their jobs?" and whatever else happens when she's busy being the audience insert for an audience so goddamn stupid they cannot possibly exist. She thinks maybe he is redeemable, but then he is mean to his mom. The end.
But the big, weird, odd news is that Kalinda is back, getting all up in the Dana/Cary stuff, and that's neat because you sort of see how all the pieces have been arranged so that a given episode here in the middle act of the season can have Carville guy, and L/G getting investigated, and maybe Eli or maybe not Eli, and all that. So Kalinda, having gotten turned away by Cary, just decides to flirt her way into Cary's stuff through Dana instead. Dana's like, "Don't worry, I'm not a lesbian" and Cary's like, "Neither was I, until I met Kalinda." Like wanting to make out with both Cary and Kalinda proves a goddamn thing.
How it ends up is that Cary and Kalinda end up in the middle of a shootout the cops are having with the guy who actually did the murder our case is about, and Cary throws himself atop her and she feels like maybe this world isn't so cruel. Which is neat, because one of the things Dana wanted from her was information about this investigation of Will, so she goes straight to Will and instructs him to ask her to watch his back and take care of him. Also watching Will (and Alicia) is Diane, and how she is doing it is: Like a hawk.
After the guns die down, Cary and Kalinda go feel post-traumatic for a little while, and then sort of make out for a second, and then Cary realizes that she is maybe playing Jedi mind tricks on him, maybe she doesn't even know she's doing it, and just walks away in the middle of their makeout, and then I guess probably she wonders also if she is doing Jedi mind tricks even when she doesn't know she is doing it. It was nice to have her center stage of an episode after so long, but she did mostly get her ass kicked around the place.
week: Puppetmaster Peter is on the show, coming after Will for all kinds of complicated Baltimore reasons, and also Wendy Scott-Carr is involved, due to still existing.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!I LIKES YA & I WANTS YA
This French man is making a documentary about a fairly appealing (for now) fellow named Ricky Packer, who will be murdered by the state in 29 days from the time of filming. That was like 27 days ago.
Ricky: "I've been reading the Bible. Job. Because of how Job raped and murdered those two girls and then everybody hassled him."
French Guy, verbatim, because he is French: "Yes, Camus says Fate is not in man, but around him."
Ricky, staring blankly: "Do not say shit like that to a murderer on Death Row."
Before the camera was on, apparently, Ricky told the guards about a murder he heard about involving an "Almighty Vice Lords payback on 19th," which makes for one body buried in a burial pit in Douglas Park. Ricky has been getting political:
Ricky: "They go dig up some gangbanger's body, what are they gonna do? Huh? They gonna go find the killer?"
DOUGLAS PARK PIT FULL OF BODIES
Cary: "Oh my God there are so many bodies in this pit."
Dana: "Look, it's my last day at the State's Attorney's office. Just kidding. I just like saying that over and over."
Cary: "Who cares about some gangbanger's body? What are we gonna do, huh? We gonna go find the killer?"
Dana: "No, don't be silly. It's this other body we found in the pit. A rich white lady."
Cary: "Now you have my attention."
They talk about how it's amazing that some cop would be able to recognize Louboutins, the easiest shoes to recognize on the whole of Planet Shoe. This is Adrianne Iver, who has been a Missing Person for six months, and who had a boyfriend, who in turn is -- you guessed it -- a Lockhart/Gardner client.
BOOKING
Boyfriend: "What is happening?"
Alicia, verbatim: "You will be processed, photographed and fingerprinted. They will take away all your clothes and supply you with a Department of Corrections jumpsuit. Our hope is you'll get bail. You have ties to the community, and the evidence is circumstantial."
Boyfriend: "Thank you for being so thorough in your answer. That's exactly the kind of information I needed to hear."
She really is the best.
Boyfriend: "I loved her. I mean, we argued, but I loved her. I didn't report her missing because Adrianne said she was going back to Canada."
Eli: "Alicia, stop talking to that white man we're never going to see again in this episode."
ELI GOLD & ASSOC.
Eli: "What's going on there?"
Alicia: "He killed his girlfriend or something. Why are you bugging me?"
Eli: "My computer's acting up again!"
Alicia: "That doesn't sound very important, except that we've been noticing our computers acting up again all season, so either this is just a narrative way of explaining Zach's continued presence in a law firm, or Skynet has us in its sights. We will see."
Eli: "I hope it has to do with Derrick Bond and Lemond Bishop. Anyway, really I was just dragging you out of your job that you are doing so that you can be human furniture again in a meeting with that adorable James Carville analogue."
Eli: "Formerly likeable daughter, you need to bounce. I have to have a meeting in here."
Marissa: "Along with phone and Chinese Wall, the Kings that run this show have a weird idea with how children behave sometimes. For example, I am now an asshole. Maybe they are secretly British and think this is what kids are like. All I know is, I deserve a smack in my smart little mouth every time I open it in this episode."
Alicia: "From the people who brought you Grace Florrick."
Marissa: "I don't want my mom, Parker Posey, to run for State Senate. The reason is that she is a lunatic."
Eli: "I can't give you the deets, but trust me when I say I told her that."
Marissa: "Really? Because what you said, through the filter of her crazy, is that she vetted just fine and probably will be the President one day."
Eli: "Of course she did. She's already the President of Osama bin Laden semen. Get out of my office."
Marissa: "Blah blah blah."
Eli: "Get out of here. Please. You give me a headache and I have to use Alicia Florrick as human furniture."
Marissa: "They'll talk about your divorce, and how I'm the product of a broken home, and how I'm dating a Communist."
Eli: "Christ, you are the worst."
Mickey Gunn: "Why am I here? Besides to be adorable."
Eli: "I have a problem with your candidate that used to be a Republican and whatever, that you used me to vet him and now want to continue to use me to Eli him."
Mickey: "Eli, you said it was okay! I want to run him for lower office -- for eg., State Senate, but I haven't mentioned that yet or how it will mess things up with Parker Posey -- in order to gear up for 2016. Hey, St. Alicia. This must be bad."
St. Alicia: "When you call me that it makes me upset on the outside but secretly proud on the inside."
Eli: "It is mostly okay but I have this messed up picture."
Mickey: "This picture is awesome but I see what you mean."
We don't get to see the picture yet, but trust that it is awesome.
Mickey: "Hey, I heard you guys were under investigation. I won't put my candidate in the hands of some firm that's going under indictment."
(Serendipitously right then a horde of cops, Stormtroopers, all manner of shit going on behind him.)
Alicia: Shudders and tries to think of how best to body-check him if he turns around right then.
Eli: "What? No way. We are growing! Blooming!"
Alicia: "Yes. A rumor is often a sign of jealous competitors. Or a looming indictment because of my husband's jealousy. Sometimes because of Glenn Childs or Lemond Bishop, but usually it's a Peter thing."
STATE'S ATTY
Kalinda is, of course, going through Cary's shit all alone in his office.
Dana: "Hey, have we met? It's my last day. I'm Dana Lodge."
Kalinda, twinkling: "I'm Kalinda Sharma, and you are hot."
Dana: "So, you're just trying to steal those Adrianne Iver crime scene photos, yes? Let's giggle and look at them together."
Kalinda, sparkling: "Done and done."
Dana: "Adrianne Iver, a 28-year-old flight attendant, quit her job after her boyfriend proposed... Oh wait, you totally represent her boyfriend Tom LaVere, don't you?"
Kalinda, incandescent: "You're gaming me! That's adorable. Let's keep flirting."
Dana: "What I think happened is, they fought and she tried to flee to Canada, so Tom shot her with his Walther P99 handgun."
Kalinda, adorable: "'Walther P99 handgun' is this episode's 'Chinese Wall.'"
Dana: "Yeah. So my scenario is that he buried the body here, and then coincidentally the Almighty Vice Lords picked the same pit to bury a 22nd Disciple. Hey, are you and Cary in love?"
Kalinda, doing sexy jazz-hands: "Not exactly."
Dana: "Are we in love?"
Kalinda: "...Yeah, so my scenario is that LaVere was worried about her safety. They'd just gotten burglarized so he gave her his Walther P99 handgun and she had it in her glove compartment..."
Dana: "Okay?"
Kalinda, no stranger to the three-hole punch: "And so she's driving, she comes across a gangland slaying..."
Dana: "-- Happens all the time..."
Kalinda, doing the robot: "She reaches into the glove compartment for the Walther P99 handgun and gets stopped by your Almighty Vice Lord, who took the gun..."
Dana: "And he shoots her with her own gun. And then other folks."
Kalinda, in panties and a garter: "Yep. Two connected murders. You solve this, you'll know who killed Adrianne Iver."
Dana: "Except we already closed this case. Maurice Johnson, aka 'AKA.'"
Kalinda, jumping on a trampoline: "How droll."
AKA TRIAL WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE HAPPENING THIS SECOND
AKA's Prosecutor: "Try AKA as an adult for this crime!"
AKA's Defense: "AKA came forward because he wants to remake his life!"
Kalinda, at the back: "Yeah, as a stone killa. I'm so sure a 14-year-old lieutenant would confess to anything except being a giant bad-ass."
Dana: "My darling, there are two murders here. Yes. But they've both been solved by me."
Kalinda: "I will change that. Can I have your number?"
Dana: "Yes. Also for making out."
L/G
Kalinda: "They keep saying they have solved all the murders."
Diane: "That's so ASA. Listen, we got the French guy right here. I think a clue will happen right now out of the blue because it's almost time for commercials."
French Guy: "Oh, did I not mention this footage where he says he knows the identity of the Vice Lord that killed the dead guy?"
Diane: "No, you did not."
French Guy: "Sorry. I had to bring my assistant to Death Row because he likes pretty women."
Alicia: (Death glare that goes on way too long, even though it's setting up the rest of the episode; it's weird because this show and this episode are so all about amazing editing, but then just this one shot is just really bad. It's like she rolls her eyes all the way around her entire head.)
Diane: "Just to review, the guy who can help our client is being executed in 36 hours."
TV Audience: "Thanks for the assist."
DEVERE FREAKS OUT
Alicia: "Don't freak out."
DeVere: "I AM FREAKING OUT."
OH YEAH & THE PACKER DEFENSE IS ALSO HAPPENING TODAY
As luck would have it, or at least this show, Romany Malco's Legal Aid guy is the one doing Ricky's Death Row appeal. I guess Diane found that out because of how she gloriously moved his entire office into L/G and then the show refused to talk about that anymore.
Coyne: "Packer will be executed in approximately thirty hours, and we ask that you look carefully at the legal mistakes made by the trial judge."
Appeal Judges: "Legal mistakes? By a judge? Like what we are?"
Coyne: "Yeah. I mean, sorry. I mean, if you feel like it."
Appeal Judges: "As if we weren't already going to blow this shit off. Well done."
Coyne: "I look weird when I shave. Like a lady baby. Still hot, just weird."
L/G STRATEGY MTG (JOHNSON, PACKER)
Diane sources Alicia to the Packer defense because she's pretty, and because Judge Glendon likes her and maybe she can get him to let her go to the jail. Suddenly they are talking about a better defense for Ricky Packer, even though nobody gives a shit about him, so that they can leverage their stay -- or stall or whatever, their efforts -- in the appeal to make him like Alicia more and tell her the true thing. Even Will thinks that's a little slimy, which is really saying something.
Diane: "Two prongs. Kalinda, investigate the 22nd Disciple murder. Alicia, go be pretty."
Kalinda: "I have access to the State Attorney's office again, so yeah."
Diane: "Good. And again, the immediate push has to be on this appeal, because we are playing with a man's life in order to save our white client."
Will: "Alicia, can I talk to you? About a legal thing, okay?"
PAUSE
Will: "Sorry to make that sound so boss-like."
Alicia: "You are my boss, so..."
Will: "Diane keeps acting like we are making a terrible, awful mistake."
Alicia: "In all fairness, that is what we are making. That, and lots of naughty love. Or should we stop doing that? Should we hit Pause and not Stop?"
Will: "I don't think we should hit either of those."
Alicia: "I don't think it would work if we tried."
Will: "Yeah, because of our scorching chemistry and stuff. Hey, does Peter know?"
Alicia: "HA! Can you imagine? We'd all die in a hail of bullets. You'd be going to jail, the SA would be up your ass about stuff from twenty years ago... Eli would do a leprechaun dance on my broken-ass body! What a nightmare that would hypothetically be!"
Will: "...Okay, sure. Sure, let's go with No. Never mind what I was going to say."
GOLD & ASSOC.
The Candidate is named Robert Mulvey, and he is gorgeous in that presidential, white-teeth, blonde-helmet, TV-ready Romney Perry Quayle square-jawed way. And what he thinks about that mysterious picture is: That it is awesome.
Mickey: "It's the ridicule factor, sir. Like Anthony Weiner."
Mulvey: "Yeah, but Anthony Weiner took his clothes off and photographed himself for his constituents. This is just..."
Eli: "You, fellating Santa."
Every Man when he says that word: "Pause. No homo. No homo. Pause. No homo."
Eli: "...A giant Santa statue, with your back to the camera, going to down on his jolly elf dick."
ibid., verbatim: "I have to be blunt, sir, because that's how TMZ is gonna report it, FOX is gonna repeat it, and Jon Stewart is gonna finish it. Here. Comes. Santa."
They sit there for awhile chewing on that one. Mickey tries some kind of "changing a lightbulb" defense, and Mulvey is just like, "Blowjob jokes! What's the prob?"
Eli: "Jokes are okay. But this is a joke about you fellating Santa. And Santa's expression [Which is O.O] does not help."
Eli's Strategy: Same as always, get out in front of it. His one trick.
Everybody: (Weirded.)
Eli: "You're the Facebook Generation, sir. Every candidate under forty has some dumb photo from some dumb college buddy. Krystal Ball and the reindeer nose?"
Everybody: (Tries to remember that, because it seems like forever ago, because we are the Facebook Generation. Except for Alicia, who can barely work her phone. Moms!)
Eli: "Are there any more photos out there?"
Lie: "No!"
Truth: "I maybe have a problem with sucking the dicks of statuary!"
KIDS
Zach is awesome, Marissa sucks. They are in love. Eli hates this in so very many ways. Zach could do better, on a scale that is impressive. Marissa used to rule. She is still better than Grace, though.
PACKER APPEAL
So the bad news is that Ricky Packer picked up two 14-year-old girls from a shopping mall, raped them over three days, then slit their throats. Yeah.
Alicia: "When you say it out loud like that..."
Coyne: "All we need is mitigation."
Alicia: "It's just ... My daughter's their age..."
IT IS YOUR FUCKING JOB. HOW MANY EPISODES BEFORE YOU UNDERSTAND HOW THE LEGAL SYSTEM WORKS. MOMS!
Incorrect Mitigation #1: "He was born with neuroblastoma, a syndrome requiring a dozen painful surgeries before the age of five."
Incorrect Mitigation #2: "And his mother has not visited him in prison..."
Wrong Conclusion: "Bad and painful childhood, absentee mom, we can work with that. We need some photos of sadness, squalor."
Packer: "My mom, she's always talking about redemption. Right? But redemption from what? From being a man?"
Chills. All over. Ugh. I kind of feel like I'm on Alicia's side with this one, even though I always make fun. Especially because in this case it's not about getting him off Death Row, just messing with his head. But then you still have this thing of, What if it accidentally worked, what if some kind of Diane/Alicia/Kalinda magic accidentally happened and he got loose? That would be awful. But this -- that possibility, but moreso the ugliness of this situation -- is the price of democracy, and the death penalty is 100% not okay, so put your big-boy pants on and deal with the situation on the ground.
SOME LESBIAN BAR OR SOMETHING
Dana: "What do you want? Why did you 'phone' me on my 'phone'?"
Kalinda: "First, to make out. Second, to get footage from a blue light camera."
(A what? Dana, phrase your answer for us here at home.)
Dana: "Now why would you want access to our anti-gang cameras? Also known as what you said before."
Kalinda: "For on this one drug corner about that murder you already solved."
Dana: "But we already solved it."
Kalinda: (Ties a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue.)
Dana: "Okay fine, but you have to give me something."
Kalinda: "Oh, I'll give you something, all right. Several somethings, in a row, without stopping."
Dana: "Let's put a pin in that and talk about this ridiculous boner my boss has for Will Gardner, your only friend in this world."
Kalinda: "Nope. Peace out."
Dana, verbatim: "...Okay, Kalinda, I know how you work. You get want you want without giving back, and that's just not gonna happen here. You want your back scratched? I have an itch."
Kalinda: "...I'm listening. Suddenly, again, I am listening."
Dana: "He had a friend, Judge Baxter. We need to know the nature of their relationship."
Ugh. I've been dreading this one coming back again, because it's the saddest, grossest thing that's ever happened on this show in my opinion. ("In my opinion.") Baxter was the "Lifeguard" one, in that conspiracy of judges that basically broke Diane's heart. Remember? Diane was going to be a judge and Will was all happy about being the only person left out of the original S,L,G troika. Also kind of sad.
Baxter was the hot racist that wouldn't take that little boy's plea that time, so he would go to juvie, so Alicia went after him for racist patterns. They told her not to talk to Will about it, just Diane, which was because Will was hanging out with Baxter, and he was talking about how Will was sleeping with Alicia, and at some point Will gave or had given Baxter $120,000, which is why he was still friends with such a dick. (I don't remember that part so well, because I was still infuriated about the privatized kid-lockdown stuff, which makes me see red just to think about.)
So the Lifeguards circled the wagons, and suddenly his wife had been raped by a guy that it turned out, was a heavy that was collecting on Baxter's debts, which he knew about. It was gross upon gross, and that scary lady was one of them, and luckily Diane got her later. Anyway, Baxter went to jail and Diane wasn't ever going to be a judge, and we realized that everybody is an asshole on this entire earth.
Alicia: "And it's all right to do that?"
Father Jim: "Nothing is very clean. The older I get the more I realize that."
Word. That is probably one of the biggest things I've ever learned in my life. You can't wait around for things to be perfect before you make your move, because they won't be. Ever. There will always be war, there will always be iniquity, there will always be gross policies mandated by a higher purpose that can't see another way. You need Coynes but the world can't operate on Coynes alone. Nothing is ever clean. Which means the time to get started is always right now.
Alicia: "What if... What if it meant releasing him?"
Father Jim: "Then you best believe we'd be having another conversation."
The circuit judges are "considering" the appeal, which even Packer knows is just jerking them all around for show, but that doesn't matter because they have a 24-hour extension and access now.
Let me say that again: They are jerking them around with this brief stay, but that doesn't matter. This man's life does not signify. Which, I know what you're thinking, that he's already chosen for his life to be meaningless, but on that one we will have to disagree. I'm not saying there aren't cases where murder is okay -- that's what war is; that's the simplest description of the burden that soldiers knowingly take on, which is what makes them heroes -- but the death penalty, 100% not okay. He doesn't get to make that choice and neither do we.
Diane: "Okay, now we need a pretty lady to go visit him. Alicia? Where's Alicia."
Alicia: "Ugh, right here."
EN ROUTE TO DEATH ROW
Alicia: "Grace, hit me."
Grace: "That awful tutor is coming over."
Alicia: "Even still, I am worried about your health. Don't get raped and murdered, okay?"
Grace: "Mom, you're being weird. Moms!"
Alicia: "This case has got me all turned around and mommish. I apologize."
It's pretty sweet. Alicia makes everybody awesomer: Eli, Grace, everybody.
GOLD & ASSOC.
Chris Matthews: "Eli Gold and Mickey Gunn, working together. I think that's the third sign of the Apocalypse! I don't believe in the Apocalypse, but I constantly surprise myself by saying accidentally racist things. I am Just Okay."
Eli & Mickey: "Here is a picture of Robert Mulvey sucking a pretend dick."
Chris Matthews: "It's funny because he went from Republican to Democrat, while I am a Democrat who is kind of a Republican. Can I have this for my wall?"
Eli & Mickey: "You can have it for your show if you interview Mickey about the trouble of managing a client who sucks Santa dicks."
Chris Matthews: "Ah, the old Eli Gold trick. Getting in front of it. How about you bring me the fellator himself? I promise to spin it awesome for you."
Eli & Mickey: "Chris Matthews, we feel like we can trust you."
Chris Matthews: "Ha! I know, it's adorable."
ALICIA'S HOUSE
Eli: "So you're 'phoning' me on my 'phone' to... Cancel dinner?"
Marissa: "For I am the worst!"
Zach: "You want a drink? A soft drink, I mean."
Eli: "WHY ARE YOU WITH ZACH? GO DATE A COMMUNIST AND GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE."
Marissa: "Neener."
Marissa: "I guess Eli knows about Peter moving out because he told me, off-screen, which changes every Eli/Alicia and Eli/Peter scene in the last like three episodes and would have been good to know before now."
Zach: "When did your parents split up?"
Marissa: "Five months ago. Another thing that would have changed the situation, because Eli and Parker Posey were playing it in a way that made the recapper feel like it was a long time ago, or else he just made that up because the idea of Eli Gold having a wedded wife, much less Alan Cumming, is too weird to think about. Like maybe if she was a space creature, or somebody from the Warhol Factory of yore. Or like Jennifer Jason Leigh."
Zach: "Yeah. Parker Posey."
Marissa: "Good point. Anyway, I can tell you how to manipulate your parents using their impending divorce."
Zach: "When you say that word Grace and I both shudder down to our bones. You can't see it, because we are the children of Alicia Florrick, but it's very real."
(Ding-dong.)
Jackie: "Helllloooooooo?"
Zach: "Aw, jeez."
Jackie: "I have come once again on Chris Noth's behalf. Listen, is that a Jewess?"
Zach: "Oh, Grandma."
(Ding-dong.)
Jennifer: "It is I! The horrible tutor, dressed like an asshole with my face painted. Is Grace here? We might be lesbians together, we might have Aspergers together. You just never know. I can tell you one thing, though, and that is that we are going to film it."
Jackie: Loses her fucking mind. Just goes around the bend completely. It is awesome. First it was all the black people, then the lesbian thing, Owen put a headdress on her... It had to come eventually. Momma don't play. And she is taking every single one of you motherfuckers with her.
WILL'S OFFICE
Will: "Aren't you playing around in the Legal Aid sandbox like some kind of liberal chump?"
Kalinda, verbatim: "I was. Now I'm here."
Will: "Oh shit. Kalinda Robot Talk. What's the problem?"
Kalinda, without pausing: "An ASA in Peter Florrick's office is asking about your relationship with Judge Baxter. Are you in trouble."
Will, verbatim: "I'm in something. I don't know what I'm in."
Kalinda: "The ASA is Dana Lodge."
Will: "Isn't it her last day?"
Kalinda: "I think she's working with Cary. Either she is an investigator of clothing for some clandestine agency, or maybe we are going to have a threesome during Sweeps."
Kalinda: "This is Peter, right? This is coming from him?"
Will: "Uh, that's to be presumed."
Kalinda: "And by Peter we mean this is about Alicia?"
Will, verbatim, good line: "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I used to be able to read the political tea leaves, now I can barely tell why people say hello to me in the morning."
Kalinda, same: "Then use me."
Will: "Aren't you an island these days without feelings or vulnerability?"
Kalinda: "No man is an island. No Kalinda either."
Will: "This is going to be really, really bad. They are gunning for me."
Kalinda: "What's the deal with Tom Baxter? You pay him off?"
Will: "I did not. But. That's a good idea, because I can see why they would think that. Because I gave him a shitload of money that Jacob can't remember why."
Kalinda, verbatim, again awesome: "Okay, then ask for my help."
It's an amazing moment, an amazing sustained moment, that finally breaks here. You can actually see him remembering how much she likes him and how they have this weird dog-animal closeness all the time, and how powerful she is, and how he kind of ruled her out because of the weirdness, and how touched he is that she keeps saying this.
Will: "...I feel like hugging you."
Kalinda, cute: "No! Just... Just ask for my help."
They are so neat. I mean, I need her and Alicia back together immediately, with that gluttonous childish shipper-like fan part of me that usually stays hidden, but there's an altogether different, darker sweetness to their dealings with each other that you always forget until they're together. Like they could never judge each other, because they are both so bad, and that levels it out in a way that it never could, with Alicia, for either of them. Like you can just see the two of them with their backs to each other, and knives.
DEATH ROW
Packer: "Haha, they totally sent a pretty chick. I have your asses on lock."
Alicia: "Whatever, dude. You are so gross. Tell me about this other body."
Packer: "What's your name, and how do you feel about having your throat cut?"
Alicia: "Alicia Florrick. Tell me about this other body, I said."
Packer: "Got any daughters?"
Alicia: "Dude, here's the thing. Some child confessed to the murder, and that means at least two innocent people -- which you are not -- are going to jail, where they shouldn't be. Do this for me."
Packer: "Bring me my mom and my brother. I have deathbed confessions to confess."
Alicia: "Okay, tell me the name. Here's a picture of the guy that Kalinda got from the blue-light camera."
Hack: "Time to go."
Alicia: "RICKY! TELL ME THE NAME!"
Packer: "Seems like I have the upper hand here, huh? That makes me feel pensive."