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Meet Daniel Webster. He's an Episcopal priest who likes Vicodin. His daughter, Grace, just got arrested for selling pot so that she could raise money to fund her budding Japanese animation career. His gay son, Peter, is a medical student. His adopted Chinese son, Adam, is horny and irreverent. His wife, Judith, has taken to drinking martinis all day on Sundays. His boss (the Bishop, not God) is concerned about Daniel's liberal sermons. His parishioners are needy and pushy. His father is also his Bishop, and boss. The church's bank account is mysteriously empty, and Daniel's brother-in-law Charlie, who was in charge of the money, is missing. And so is his young secretary. Daniel gets his Catholic priest buddy, who has friends who are connected, to find Charlie. The problem is that Charlie is dead, and the secretary is nowhere to be found. Until she pops up at Charlie's funeral services, and then just as quickly disappears again. The secretary reappears in the widow's kitchen, as the two of them giggle about the trick they just pulled off. And in trying to deal with all of this, Daniel talks to Jesus. Not like a normal person, with eyes cast upward and hands folded. Like, in person. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Night. A station wagon pulls up in front of a police station. A man gets out and starts to rush inside, but he pulls up short when he realizes that the woman in the passenger seat, his wife, isn't right behind him. He stops and asks if she's coming inside, but she's worried about what they're going to tell people about what happened. The guy tries to reassure her that it'll all be fine, and heads inside alone.
Inside, he finds one of those mythical television police stations that don't look like all of the furnishings were ordered from the 1973 Government Catalog of Avocado Green or Burnt Orange Molded Plastic. The cop at the desk, who is bathed in a golden light also never found in an actual police station because of the overhead fluorescents, asks the guy's name. The guy is Daniel Webster. Oh, so clever. Get it? Where's the devil? I'm sure we'll find out. If I were a TV exec, that sort of cutesy naming convention would make me puke and pass on the script immediately. Anyway, Daniel is there to pick up Grace, his daughter, and tells the desk cop that he is related to THE Daniel Webster. The cop muses, "From founding father to drug addict in a few short generations." Daniel insists that his daughter isn't a drug addict, and assuming this is her first arrest, I don't get where the cop presumes that she is either, but I guess this is supposed to represent how the community will react or something. ["Plus, it's weed. Who refers to a pothead as a 'drug addict'? Even a cop?" -- Wing Chun] Daniel points out that Daniel Webster wasn't a founding father, which I was just thinking, and about to fire up Wikipedia to check. The cop expositions that Grace had five ounces of pot, and then gives Daniel a form to take to the cashier, where he will get a court date for his daughter.
Another cop escorts Grace up front. She looks like a scared teenager, although not completely freaked out. She thanks her father for coming, and he just stares at her like he's not quite sure what emotion to go with first. He settles on comforting her, and asks if she's okay. Grace knows there's more there, and Daniel obliges by launching into a lecture. Grace begins to stomp on outta there, but Daniel directs her to sit down so that he can post her bail. Grace starts in on the typical teen "I knew you wouldn't understand" thing and Daniel hisses at her that she's been arrested, and that they think she was taking drugs. Grace says that she wasn't taking drugs. Daniel seems already to know this to be true. Grace adds, "I was selling drugs." Daniel stares at her, and she sighs and asks to talk about it later. Daniel kneels in front of her and asks what's going on. Grace asks if he would have given her $4000 if she asked, and he says he wouldn't. Grace gives up trying to explain, and starts to take off again. Daniel says that she can just wait in the car with her mother. Grace apparently hates her mother more than she does her father, because she comes back and sits down and waits.