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Red brings Liz news of the Cyprus Agency, which he says is stealing babies and then passing them off as boutique adoptions. The real story -- as we see from the harrowing opening sequence, in which a wasted lady roams the streets looking for her baby and is eventually murdered along with a cop -- is vastly worse and scarier. They get the couple whose forthcoming baby is the Blacklist person for the week to sting the agency's lawyer, but he's immediately run over by a bus right before he explains what's really going on.
While the agency itself opens its doors without complaint, none of the leads go anywhere. It's only once Red tells Liz to widen the DNA search to near-matches/relatives of the 27 adopted babies that they put it together: The kids aren't being kidnapped, they're being bred in a lab. After the escapee's body is discovered bearing traces of an out-of-fashion sleep aid -- and some investigation into the founder's own sad history -- a young dorky drug contact of Red's points them toward a fertility clinic where the women are being kept doped up, impregnated over and over with IVF.
Several gunfights and grimly funny corporate-speak human trafficking shenanigans later, Liz has saved all the ladies, but she's horrified by the revelation -- a procedural staple of the last ten years -- that the Agency's founder (Campbell Scott) is the biological father of the brood. It's actually a smart, poignant twist, once you get past the cliché and into the story: Having been returned to the orphanage as a child for being too unstable, he's having double revenge, first by pretending to give crummy people the perfect accessory baby and second by giving himself the chance to grow up in those privileged homes, in a way, 27 times over. And, of course, there's nothing Liz can do about that now. If you have to do the sperm creep story -- different headline every decade, same basic rip -- at least do it well, and they did.
But what about Meera? Well, she is kind of the Mole in that she signed off on the schematics order that gave Garrick the layout of the black site. But she doesn't know who authorized it, only that Cooper handed it off, so she promises to find out who the FBI Mole is (again, but for real this time) by hacking into his computer. She produces the original memo for Red, who once again stations himself in the dark in a new Mole's house. But this time, he's right: Diane Fowler, working for Finch, set Red up "to make a point" about the Post Office. Red murders the hell out of her, even after she tells him she knows the truth about what happened to his family, so now we know what's gonna be on his mind for a while.
Back at the Keens', Liz and Tom are all excited about the impending baby -- she's even thinking of taking leave! -- before Red gets in her head, pointing out for about the millionth time that Tom is fully evil and you should definitely not commit to co-parenting with evil. She overreacts as usual, but by episode's end he's got her wondering. She says she wants to postpone the baby, points out that no child has ever saved a broken marriage, and spends the night weeping alone, while he cries to his spy girlfriend about it. Meaning that, if he's somehow not evil, Liz just did a self-fulfilling prophecy on herself.
In the end, Cooper seems to give Meera a subtle nod for helping protect Red, while the Amazing Mr. Kaplan arrives at Diane's, to a kiss on her beguiling cheek from Red (she calls him "dearie!"), and begins cleaning up the mess. A thrilling end, thanks to ironic use (both lyrically and tonally) of Gordon Lightfoot's "Sundown," but also one that underscores the serial/procedural split you get in all truly good shows that are trying to do both at once. I don't mind, but it's interesting to see how different shows deal with it.
So, your thoughts? Did I miss anything? What is the Red/Kaplan relationship about? Would you be this loyal to Red if you were lucky enough to occupy his same shadows? What will happen with Liz and Tom? When will Jolene spring her trap? How will Finch retaliate for Red killing all of his moles all the time? And what will Meera's role be at the Post Office, now that Fowler's out of the picture?
These things and more, after a month spent on the disrespectful travesty that is sending our best athletes to a competition that will be history's joke. Until then, I remain your faithful and constant friend. Do not buy babies if you can at all help it, never get in a van with strangers, and for God's sake don't go anywhere in your house if the lights are off. Red Reddington is probably in there, getting ready to weird you out.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
Red used the Post Office to get information on the Alchemist's clients: Villains who, for one reason or another, had reason to disappear forever. Meanwhile, through some pretty brutal means, he got his hands on the FBI Mole: None other than Meera Malik. Back at home, Liz's continued ambivalence -- even in the midst of their impending adoption -- may be pushing Tom into the arms of another spy, the crazy-eyed "Jolene."
NOW
A zombie lady! Wrapped in a sheet, wandering the streets for what seems like a while given her hygiene situation, bumping into strangers, mumbling about her missing baby like a crackhead La Llorona. Finally a shiny-hatted NYPD officer is forced to pay attention to her, but a man with a ridiculous horseshoe moustache runs up, claiming to be her brother.
Frankly I think it would be more believable if he said they were time-travelers from the Old West. Either way I question it, mainly because they make such a curious pair grooming-wise: Your Glasses and Tenenbaums and Binewskis, your families of prodigies, don't come around that often. Although if he is her brother, I would very much like to know what is going on with their parents.
Moustachio: "She has not been well. As you can plainly see."
NYPD: "And yet I would like to know more."
Moustachio: "Can I just shoot you real quick right here on the street?"
Then he apologizes to the lady softly before also plugging her. This is no way for a person's brother to act, in my opinion.
KEEN
Clinging desperately to each other on the couch, the Keens look at creepy-as-hell pictures of their developing fetus inside the lady.
Liz: "Look how he has features! I love it."
Tom: "Yes. A baby with a face is preferable."
Liz: "Have you managed to figure out how the car seat goes into the stroller?"
Tom: "Rather than admitting my own incompetence, I will simply offer my idea that you, asking me if I am planning on accidentally killing our baby with common household items, are now officially a mother."
Liz: "Yeah, I wasn't trying to like, pressure you? It's more about confirming your operational awareness. You say that like learning the ropes of car seats is somehow further than you were expecting to go."
Tom: "The important thing is that you have decided to take FMLA leave. As the woman, that's your prerogative whether or not I have a job or will ever have a job."
Liz: "Let's table that. What's the play?"
Red: "The play is, they are about to sell this superbaby right here."
Liz: "This baby is on the Blacklist? This show fucking rules."
DAVID & WENDY ROLAND
Rolands: "Our baby is on the Blacklist? This is so fucked up."
Liz: "Yeah, he got kidnapped and now you are receiving stolen baby."
Rolands: "Do you mean we don't get a baby? Oh, um. I mean 'how sad for whoever.'"
Liz: "How do you guys feel about being involved in a sting operation on murderous baby traffickers? I mean, I'm guessing you don't have anything going on in the near future."
Rolands: "No, yeah. It was mostly going to be parenting, was the plan."
CYPRUS
The Rolands meet with Ted Caldwell -- a terrifying lawyer for the company -- and let me tell you that, in addition to their kind of weird faces, they are also not the coolest customers. I mean, this is their first sting and they're having coffee with a shark that walks like a man, smiles like a reptile, plus obviously these dudes will murder you, so I get it. But maintain, Rolands! How you gonna deal with appendicitis if you can't even roll briefly with a shark-man.
Caldwell: "Are you bitches getting cold feet?"
Rolands: "No! We can't wait to have a superbaby from wherever without asking any questions. But can we ask you some questions?"
The PO team loiters directly outside their window, looking 100% like they are in the FBI listening to this conversation.
Liz: "These are not the coolest customers."
Ressler: "Let's see. My money's on the Rolandses."
Caldwell: "I know you are not questioning our ludicrous methods. We showed you charts and graphs. We showed you a graphic of a DNA. It twirled, Rolands."
Rolands: "But can you tell us more about the specific Estonian orphanage from which you legally acquired this precise baby that matches our weird specifications?"
Caldwell: "I don't sell broken goods, if that's what you're asking. It's just a baby. A super one."
Rolands: "Can we talk to somebody who might be able to give us more background on that orphanage?"
Caldwell: "Sure. I just have to abruptly leave the table for a second if that's okay."
As the team moves in, having gotten proof of Caldwell claiming that Estonia is a real place, Caldwell pulls out his shark phone and makes a shark call to the Fastest Gun In The West.
Meera: "Yeah, no. I was authorized to start the bidding process, that's it. The order was handed to me by Cooper. Let me help you and we both win. Me, I win twice because I stay alive."
Red: "Why help me? You are not a fan. You are also like the most intense person."
Meera: "Colleagues of mine were killed by somebody on the inside. Let me figure out who did it."
Red: "But if the order was classified..."
Meera: "I can handle it."
Red: "...Is this a staring contest?"
It is. It's like the immovable object and the irresistible gentleman psycho. I'm glad this Meera thing turned out like this! It's the best flavor of Meera anyway, but especially because it means she won't die. There is no way Red could kill Meera and come off looking smooth. He doesn't love her, he doesn't hate her, he just tolerates her. So it would make him look pretty janky if he did it, which makes three positive things right there coming out of this meeting. Plus some pretty wildcard action items.
CYPRUS AGENCY
Ressler: "Warrant! I want all your files and computers!"
Mallory: "I am the CEO and founder, Owen Mallory, and I am okay with this."
Ressler: "You're not going to fight with me about this? Dammit."
Mallory: "Nope. If something went wrong with an adoption, it's either a mistake with paperwork or somebody overseas is doing me wrong. Either way, I want this cleared up. I am not running some puppy mill, these are real live human superbabies. Our reputation is everything."
Liz: "What about your pet shark man, Ted Caldwell?"
Mallory: "He is a good dude and a good lawyer. Good team."
Liz: "But you can't sell any more babies until we're done! Doesn't that make you want to hit somebody or run straight through a glass door? Nothing?"
Mallory: "Nope, I'm being totally reasonable. Sorry."
They don't tell him how good ol' Sharky got grid control, or the weird things he was screaming about before it went down. They are too mad that they can't chase anybody around, or yell at a rich person, or fire warning shots, or any of the stuff they love the most. Owen Mallory has gotten their goat! Animal Style!
THE PO
Liz: "They brokered 27 adoptions just in the last three years?"
Cooper: "Is that a lot? You're saying it like it's a lot."
Liz: "Infants, especially internationally, that's a lot. Apparently. What is also apparent is that these children are lies! Every fact in them just leads to a nowhere place. Okay like, here's a kid born in Lithuania, right? Call Lithuania, they don't recall anything like that."
Cooper: "They are smart, the trails lead to facts we can't verify. The burden of proof!"
Liz: "I'm going to compare the superbabies to kidnapped regular babies."
Ressler: "I'm going to call Interpol and see if they know of any babies."
Liz: "I'm going to see if any of the two kinds of babies have DNA."
Liz: "Oh, and can I ask you something? It is personal but very, very dumb."
Meera: "Hey guys."
Cooper: "You look like shit and you're late!"
Meera: "Thanks for the micromanage, but uh, my daughter was sick or something."
Cooper: "I agreed to let you join this task force with the promise that family wouldn't be an issue! I don't mean to be a hard-ass but in this unit job comes first second and third! If it comes down to your kid dying and you coming in late to work, that kid better die and I don't want to see any crying! Babies are the opposite of industry, punctuality, freedom! This is why women make 77 cents on the dollar!"
Meera: "Jesus, dude. I get it. Starting to wish I'd just admitted to getting kidnapped."
Cooper: "Now, Liz. You had a question?"
Liz: "Nope. No I did not."
SUPERBABIES, BAGGED & TAGGED
The PO goes around to every superbaby, stealing their DNA with cotton swabs and their souls through photography. Ressler is cute with kids, and Meera is like, "I get how hard this is, because I also have a daughter." Somewhere Cooper drives his nails into his palms and doesn't even know why.
RANDOM DARK BUILDING LOBBY
Liz: "So anyway, I'm thinking of taking FMLA when I get this baby I shouldn't get."
Red: "When I respond to that you're going to storm off, so let's circle round. In the meantime, how is the Cyprus thing going?"
Liz: "Oh, I forgot we weren't here talking about me and my life. Right, um, the DNA of the superbabies doesn't match any missing kids."
Red: "You are so stupid! Not you, you're great. But the FBI and the police, you're so linear. Not every missing child is on a milk carton, Lizzy."
Liz: "...You're saying these are the babies of criminals? Supervillains?"
Red: "Sure. Run the DNA again but look for relatives, not exact matches. And Lizzy? Adopting a baby is a big step. Maybe don't do that until you're not married to evil."
Liz: "Oh my God! My husband is not evil!"
Red: "Are you sure? Because I just checked my watch and it says it's 2014 and I've never once been wrong about anything whatsoever on this entire show, so..."
Liz: "-- Ugh! Later! Love you! ...I mean screw off you! I mean... Aw, you know what I mean."
THE PO
Liz: "Just staring at random papers in my pitch dark office like usual, what's up?"
Ressler: "DNA."
Liz: "The results are in? Did we get a hit?"
Ressler: "We got a five, but it's real messed up. Five women, accounting for 12 of the 27 kids. Here are their pretty pictures."
Liz: "Criminals? Lady supervillains?"
Ressler: "No, stop it. They're all in the system because they're missing."
Liz: "...Hang on, putting it together... Oh. I think I'm gonna barf."
As Meera snags Cooper's FBI badge for her Mole Hunt, they run through the various abduction scenarios and cold cases of the ladies, but the endpoint is obvious and very, very horrible. Abducted originally as college students, they've been somewhere -- under the gun of the Old West, presumably -- all this time. Except for the one that got away, Kate Ellison, who's the one outlier of the narrative: She was spotted fighting back.
MEERA
Has downloaded important memoranda with Cooper's credentials and is returning them when Cooper finds her in his office. She slips it back into his briefcase while they chat, and Cooper acts super sketchy the entire time.
Cooper: "Why are you in my office?"
Meera: "I wanted to ask you something. Red told Liz that someone in our unit provided the intruders with critical intel, and..."
Cooper: "Drop that like a hot tomato. Counterintelligence concluded that Grey acted alone."
Meera: "I am just feeling very suspicious of that. Although apparently not suspicious enough to not tell you exactly what is going on, like I just did."
Cooper: "You got any actionable intel to support this hunch? Didn't think so. Oh, and I hope your daughter feels better."
Meera: "Thank you, sir."
Cooper: "Because it's your ass if she doesn't."
ARAM
Aram: "Okay, Ted Caldwell's computer was very boring. But there was one thing that wasn't so boring."
Ressler, hilariously and oddly: "PURCHASE ORDERS? What would an attorney want with PURCHASE ORDERS? What does a lawyer need to purchase?"
Aram: "They aren't for office supplies. They are for ladies. I printed this dossier out of a cute and very smart Irish lass named Charlotte Patterson who is about to be abducted. See, the profile is about how super she is, and also her Virginia license plate."
The POs run around getting ready to find her, but guess who is already there ahead of them, looking frisky and ready to abduct? Six Shooter McGee, fastest kidnapper in the West. He is driving the biggest, scariest, bind-torture-killiest rape van of all time.
GEORGETOWN U
Charlotte: "See you co-eds later! I have to go to Chem class, unless I get kidnapped. In which case, hope I see you guys later."
She Is: Immediately kidnapped
The PO Is: Still tracking her car, lol
Grid control! Van Man backs hard into Ressler, knocking him down and bruising little but his pride, and then zooms away. Ladies and gentlemen, your country's Bureau of Investigation. Liz runs around yelling words into her walkie-talkie, but Van Man is long gone. Oh, Charlotte. It is your time management skills that screwed you this time. If you'd only been a little later to Chem class, everybody would have arrived at the same time. Cooper wouldn't be impressed with your lack of punctuality, to be sure, but at least you would not be in a van now.
MALLORY
Mallory: "Um, what are you doing here? Why did you call me at the office? Why did you text me 9-1-1 and then an emoji of a pregnant girl and then an emoji of a kidnapping?"
Moustachio: "Because you wouldn't pick up your cell phone!"
Mallory: "We went dark, Perry. The cell is retired. That's what that means. I swear it's like you can't find a good breeding trafficker anywhere!"
Moustachio: "You should work on your HR and workflow process. I was not informed about all this."
Mallory: "Why are you out making pickups of girls? We went dark, I said!"
Moustachio: "New orders, yeah. But this was old business, we lost one the other day and the lawyer said to get a replacement so I got the dossier and I drove my van to..."
GALATEA CLINIC
(Even yikes-ier. You know who Galatea is? From the myth of Pygmalion that My Fair Lady is based on. The sculptor who fell in love with his sculpture. I'm telling you, this is infinity necklaces all the way. Dammit, The Blacklist. Just accept your excellence already.)
Anyway, Owen Mallory goes to this Galatea place and has a short sit-down with his compatriot, another trafficker of superwomen and superbabies, and while Owen is worried because of the FBI, the dude is just like, whatever.
Pygmalion: "Hey, what was going on the other day. We lost one?"
Mallory: "Yeah, Van Man said it was unavoidable but he took care of it."
A shallow grave, of course, which is right now being discovered by a man with a lovely dog he has named Flounder. I like to think this is because the man identifies strongly with Ariel, the Little Mermaid.
Dog Man: "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my...? Actually it is not that neat, on closer inspection it's a dead girl in a shallow grave who was forced to give birth to hundreds of babies."
THE LOCAL M.E.
ME: "Kate Ellison was flagged, so I called you. Cause of death, single gunshot wound in front of a dying cop. But that's where it stops being banal."
Liz: "So Kate Ellison dies, and then a day or two later, replaced by a similar model. Kate was abducted at 20, and now she died a zombie at 23. So what was going on during those three years? If only we knew."
ME: "Whatever it was, it was not fun. She was atrophied all to hell..."
At this point he describes in a graphic manner exactly what was done to her, which, if that is what you are watching TV to hear about, I don't know. 'Caged and forced to give birth' is interesting in the abstract, but when you get down to the realness with it, I just tune out. I don't watch those shows. I saw one episode of Criminal Minds, one time, and I still think about it.
This seems like maybe a clichéd point to make, but, imagine getting a lecture from some old person about how the Saw movies suck and "torture porn" is so artistically vapid or whatever, but then that asshole goes home and watches some CBS show where dudes are turning people into living skin puppets and making them dance on hooks? I mean, grande guignol is one thing, I love me some Hannibal, but that's not really the point of that show, or any good show. When procedurals go to this place on TV, it usually feels more like that lonely lady in your office who really likes true-life books about A Child Called It and stuff like that. It just seems lazier; populist in a lowest-common-denominator way. I dunno, maybe it's personal, but I get a big red flag when the details start to seem so... gleeful.
But this is not that, I'm not saying that it is. We get the ME talking about it, but there are no reenactments or flash-camera shots of her body or photos or anything. Just Liz looking real grossed out and Ressler looking really sad, and the ME clearly still processing how fucked up all of this is. They gave her folic acid and prenatals; her wasted body was still practically "perfect" for breeding. I don't even dare to imagine how Liz is going to make this about herself. We left "adoption nerves" behind a good while back.
Aram: "so I'm digging into Owen Mallory's life, and guess what? Weirdness. Undergrad degree at Harvard..."
Liz: "But it wasn't him? Or something?"
Aram: "Weirder. It was him, but he enrolled as Charles Lassiter, Jr. Doctored transcripts and applied as the only son of Charles and Jill Lassiter, Bethesda MD."
Ressler: "How do we arrest him for this? Is not being Charles Lassiter a crime perhaps?"
LASSITER
Jill: "Hang on, let me turn off every light in the house to make this conversation more spooky."
Liz: "This is going to be weird, but this guy's name is Owen Mallory. He attended Harvard claiming to be..."
Jill: "What's his name now?"
Liz: "Wait, you know him?"
Jill: "Yeah, he was our son. Kind of."
Charles: "We adopted him at seven, named Michael Shaw at that time."
Jill: "Sixteen months of hell. He had a thing called severe attachment disorder. After about a million therapists, and you're like, we got a dud. Then the self-harm started, and the doctors stepped in, and we were just like..."
Charles: "-- 'Fuck this.' It was a different time. You got rid of crazy back then."
Jill: "We thought having a child would save our marriage, but really all it did was wreck everybody's life. Sometimes when you think you are ready to be a parent, really you're just fooling yourself. You have no idea how selfish you are, until you find out."
Liz: "On the one hand, how sad for you. On the other hand, I just figured out how this is all about me again. Whew, that was close!"
MEERA
Meera: "Okay, here it is. Directive for a mandatory security upgrade, signed on page 6."
Red: "Oh, so that's the Mole. Okay, how interesting that that person would be the Mole."
Meera: "I feel one way or another about it, depending on who the Mole is."
GALATEA CLINIC
Owen Mallory is still chilling in that conference room with the guy -- Dr. Gideon Hadley -- when Liz and Ressler show up. Another guy, Nestor, shows up to be nervous at them.
Hadley: "I am freaking out also!"
Mallory: "If they had anything, they'd have sent a SWAT team. Nestor, go make them go away. Then we'll clean it up."
Nestor: "What if my charm doesn't work?"
Mallory: "Just be a go-getter on this for me, please."
Nestor: "He's not here. I thought he was, but he is not."
The PO: "Cool, we're just going to bust in anyway."
Nestor: "I thought I was going to fail, and then I failed. I set myself up."
He pulls a gun on them, and Ressler takes him down while Liz goes running through the clinic -- did I need to mention it is pitch-black in there? -- looking for Dr. Hadley. A short time later, Ressler has shot Hadley several times in the chest, and Liz is wandering around, eventually finding her way to a Restricted Area.
RESTRICTED AREA
The good news is, they're not actually in cages, just beds. The bad news is, everything.
Liz gets grid control from an empty gurney, piloted by Dr. Mallory, and then immediately he takes her gun away and throws her over a gurney, then throws a pregnant lady on top of her -- like when you shove over a garbage can to deter people chasing you -- so he can get to her gun. Luckily Ressler shows up, and takes out his shootin' arm.
Liz: "Can you believe this shit with these pregnant ladies?"
LATER
Cooper: "22 victims! All alive, including Charlotte Patt..."
Liz: "But not Kate Ellison."
Cooper: "Hey, little soldier, don't you fret. You did a great job! You solved 24 missing persons cases all at once, you got the mothers of all 27 kids we..."
Hold up. First of all, still not about you. Secondly, the one you're complaining about? With your Messianic ass? Died at the beginning of the episode. The only thing that would have saved her is if Red Reddington had a time machine that he could go back a week earlier and tell you his cryptic nonsense about putting babies on the Blacklist. And even then, her death is what helped you solve the case anyway -- that and Perry's bizarre understanding of what "going dark" means, and that he somehow thought he had to go find another replacement like he is Igor. Don't jump to the martyrdom so fast every time, sometimes it makes you look silly.
It's like, I don't really want to adopt the baby of Tom's Evilness, because you can't send that back. It's not like Campbell Scott, or a rabbit you are allergic to. Some babies are forever. Red being Liz's dad: Super forever baby. You can never again wonder if he is her dad or why he is being so weird, because now you know: He is her weird dad. And how much of the fun of this show is wondering if Tom is evil or Red is her dad? I mean, if we're being honest? Most of it. Right?
Like I refuse to even imagine a day when the question is whether or not Liz and Ressler are going to fuck. That sounds like an honest to God nightmare. Just two angry headstrong incompetents, bounding around the room at each other like rams in spring, locking horns and forgetting basic things about how to do their jobs. That sounds like the kind of baby you want to send back. That baby is not so super.
THE MOLE!
Comes into a library where Red is camped out, like last week, in the absolute dark. He is rocking "Sundown" (the Gordon Lightfoot song about what will happen if you creep around his back stairs), dressed in a lovely white satin nightgown. It is a lady. A lady named Diane Fowler! The Mole is the most obvious person! Oh no!
Diane: "Are you kidding me with this shit? If you think Fitch, or any of his people, are going to let you get away with this you're more arrogant than I thought. We came into the Post Office to make a point. If you come after me..."
He points a gun at her, and she tells him to fuck off a bunch of times, but eventually he just shoots her in the stomach.
Diane: "Dude you totally just shot me!"
Red: "Yeah, because my agreement with Fitch is that we go about our business. You're not one of the good guys, you're now useless to the bad guys now that I know you..."
Diane: "I know about your family! Don't you want to know?"
Red: "...Hmm. More than anything in the world. But if you know the truth, Diane, then somebody else does too."
He shoots her a bajillion more times and then listens to Gordon Lightfoot a while ("I can see her lying back / in her satin dress / in a room where you do / what you don't confess") just staring out of yet another pitch-dark room. So long, Diane. At least you kept it tight.
Around other people's back stairs, there is also stuff happening. Liz sobs on her knees between the empty crib and empty stroller, face framed like the bars of a jail; somewhere else, Tom confides in Jolene. Eventually she makes him laugh.
THE PO
Meera: "Just staring into space in this completely dark room, how about you?"
Cooper: "I feel like getting chatty about Reddington. You know, I hate working with him. He's dangerous, amoral, pathological about flouting authority, reckless almost suicidal. But on the other hand, we are constantly doing awesome stuff on this show thanks to him. Like these ladies this week. Isn't that so weird?"
Meera: "Yeah, I... Oh, you're gone. Okay."
FOSTER
The beautiful, fabulous Mr. Kaplan arrives on time in a perfect lavender coat, bearing a secret handshake; Red kisses her cheek goodbye, and disappears.
"Don't worry, dearie. I'm used to cleaning up after you."
IN 1 MONTH
Fuck Sochi. What a mean trick to play on people who've wanted something their entire lives, harder than most of us has ever wanted anything. What a hateful reward for excellence, to be implicated in history's future embarrassment like that: Good job! You got a gold medal you can't show anybody without making it weird and sad. But then: The Katana! A person that is also a blade!
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Good Wife, True Detective, The Blacklist, Ravenswood, and Pretty Little Liars for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, Twitter, and Facebook.