The much-hyped "Busey's in charge" moment is upon us. That's why this one is two hours long: it's going to be full of Busey quotes. Last episode, Gary Busey's genitalia was "spinning like a Ferris wheel" but Plan B won and Dennis Rodman was fired. Everyone is relieved to see Trace Adkins walk back into the post-task cocktail hour. They were less excited when Trace began to disclose the meaning of a "peeker" in cowboy/scatological terminology,
Penn travels to "Opportunity Village," a charity that helps people with disability train for work to make dat money. He grants them with $40,000, then kind of makes fun of one of the women with a disability for dropping the check. I still like Penn, though, and think he has a good shot at winning this season. We just need to eliminate Gary and Stephen and we'll have the best contenders left.
Donald Trump meets the celebrities at the top of a building to make a loose connection to film. Lots of movies are made in Manhattan, they have a view of Manhattan, the task is to make a silent movie promoting Australian Gold. Australian Gold is all about spectacle, and "sun care," which is probably a made up term since "tanning" got a bad rap.
Australian Gold "brings color to an otherwise black and white world," get it, celebrities? The connection to this task is about as strong as Trump's connection to the task presentation locale, but celebrities can't ask questions. They will be judged on brand messaging, product integration and creativity.
Trace, Lil Jon and Brande are in for a new team member. Marilu joins the unlucky Team Power. Trace wanted Penn because he thought they could make a strong team. Trace knows who is a good player, and knows that Trump doesn't want to unite them unfairly because this show has to last another twelve weeks or so. The project managers are Gary Busey, as advertised, and Trace.
Despite the presence of Gary and Stephen on her team, Lisa Rinna feels confident in Plan B. They have, technically, an Academy Award winner as the project manager of this silent movie task, what could go wrong?
Gary suggests making the movie set in the '20s, but Stephen suggests making it contemporary and Lisa agrees since they are selling "sun care" and people were quite pale in the olden days. Stephen has the completely unoriginal idea of "going old to new," using the product. Gary thinks that will be a "conflict of artistic interest." Lisa Rinna tries hard to see the good in Gary as a leader for the team.
At Team Power, Brande suggests a historical look back at Australian Gold using a mad scientist character putting products on a white body. It is a better idea than Stephen Baldwin's generic "old to new" suggestion. Lil Jon, who lost his season's Australian Gold challenge, highly recommends using the stupid signature koala bear on the bottle. They lost for not using that horrid bear. Marilu jumps in with something about a mom frantically spraying on the beach? We all sigh in unison with Trace, who shakes his head at this brainstorm.
Trace suggests a caveman who is sad because he has a sunburn. He says caveman + modern situation = comedy. They land on an "old to new" approach, starting with the caveman because Trace knows with every fiber of his being that cavemen are always funny. I just don't understand Trace at all. I don't relate to him, I don't know what kind of TV shows he is watching, or where he got the idea that cavemen are comedy gold. Geico commercials? He's always confident, though, and I respect that he probably thinks this show is stupid. He's right about that.
Enter the Australian Gold executives. They confirm with Plan B that yes, Sydney the Koala Bear is of the utmost importance. He may be a terrible logo from the '80s that the brand is still clinging to without hope or direction, but he is also "the coolest dude on the beach," with no need for sun care products because he's a koala with fur and lives in trees, not on the beach.
Gary, ever the realist, notes that he has been to Australia and he has only seen koalas eating eucalyptus leaves and taking baths. They are not on the beach, typically. Then Gary asks them "what's yellow smell like?" A valid question.
"We like you, Gary, you're fun," the Miss America executive says condescendingly. Gary thanks her for the tip. This executive, Katie, is creepy; she never blinks. And who knows what the guy to her is there for? Moral support? Security? Eye drops?
At Team Power, Lil Jon confirms that the fragrance, the feel, and the koala are all important. Australian Gold is old news to him. Trace seems exhausted with this team, getting up and walking away mid-conversation. Lil Jon probably should have been the project manager on this one, since he has done a task with Australian Gold before and knew the right questions to ask. Trace doesn't want to play these games.
"Sitting with the executives, it costs you time. Let's just implement what we've come up with: the caveman stuff," Trace says. Lil Jon confers with the group after the executives leave and Trace says he still wants to do the caveman stuff.
Back at Plan B, they are discussing a male and a female character, and the female is afraid of the sun. Gary says she's a vampire with a day pass, and they went to the desert but forgot the peyote, and the "vampire thing" is just "the element of surprise." It is difficult to follow, especially for celebrities without their assistants. Stephen asks who will be the director, and Gary says that everyone will participate in everything together.
Team Caveman is still stuck, with Trace, on this caveman thing. I've never seen someone so bull-headed about a caveman idea. Trace probably relates to cavemen. Simpler times. The Bad Idea Train barrels ahead, pushing past the stop at Reason Station. Trace tells his team they don't need to worry about product integration (one of the three criteria they will be judged on), and will just throw that in at the "end thing" along with brand messaging. He wants to tell a story about cavemen, dacknabbit.
Plan B is doing possibly worse at this point. They are still brainstorming, going nowhere coherent. Gary is shaking bottles of bronzer at Stephen in agreement, Penn is suggesting a flasher coat full of products. Maybe Sydney, the coolest flasher on the beach, is wearing it? Who knows.
Gary tells Stephen and Penn to go to the studio and come up with a shot list. This should be Gary's job, Lisa says, but goes shopping with Gary. Which team's ship will sink the fastest? Either way, Sydney will be watching it from his keg at the beach, through a pair of loud, expensive sunglasses.
Penn and Lisa suggest that Gary wear beachwear for his look in the silent movie. Gary doesn't want to wear it, so he plays his project manager card in refusal. I'll be shocked if this "movie" makes a lick of sense. Lisa has learned how to work with Gary, to suggest things to him like a child to make him like her idea and think it was his own. Gary ends up in beachwear.
Team Power, not Gary's team, is much more on top of it, getting ready for production. Marilu is convinced that she is the one to bring this team a much-needed win. She micro-directs everything, and puts the actresses to work blowing up beach balls.
Gary's team has a loose concept, which does not involve the koala bear. All for a "silent movie," that is 45-60 seconds. So, really, a commercial designed to look like The Artist. Their concept is that a boy and girl are on the beach, the girl is scared of the sun, Gary shows up, and the product enhances the relationship between the boy and girl somehow. Stephen loves it; Penn knows it's dumb but cares about this as much as Trace.
Trace, who thinks cavemen are the pinnacle of comedy, breaks a chair just by sitting on it. Marilu compares Trace to Fred Flintstone and/or an animal. Trace acknowledges that he is "a housebroken caveman," that's why they're so funny. Meanwhile, Brande lotions up the other cavemodels and it is sexy to Caveman/Project Manager Trace.
It looks like Plan B managed to incorporate the koala somehow, by holding a stuffed animal. Don Jr. visits and notes that this team seems very relaxed and not rushed. It doesn't seem like Gary is really the one in charge, of course, but it doesn't matter as long as the product comes out OK in the end.
The flawless Ivanka Trump stops by Team Power, and seems almost flustered by Trace Adkins in the caveman outfit. Trace says Ivanka laughed at him for "what seemed like an unbearable length of time." The plot for Team Power's product seems about as discernible as the other team's. A caveman is sad, then he finds a portal that leads him into the '20s, then comes out in 1986, when some jackass drew that damn koala and they've been sticking with it ever since.
Gary Busey decides to focus on his acting, so Stephen Baldwin steps up as the director. Stephen Baldwin considers himself a fantastic director, but nothing can make Gary Busey a good spokesperson for any brand. Lisa notices that Stephen is running the show, and no one knew what would happen until Stephen put them in front of the camera and tried ideas.
Trace is actually a pretty good caveman. Not that the story makes sense, or didn't lose purpose along the way. Marilu tries to nitpick details like the way umbrellas opened in the 1920s, but they should clearly be more concerned about the big picture and incorporating the koala. Lil Jon knows this, but is probably tired of Trace's attitude and stubbornness. Marilu will also remember everything about this day in history, so let's make it a good one, team.
Now, on to the editing bays. Penn tries to take on the editing, but Stephen wants to direct this, too. Penn thinks the playback should be a bit fast, like an old film, but Stephen says that loses the nuance. Stephen doesn't understand what Penn means when he says the speed covers up "some stuff that doesn't quite work." Penn means that it covers up some of the stuff Stephen did that is shitty.
The editing is rushed, and a hot mess for Team Power. Marilu and Brande are high stress, Trace and Lil Jon don't care as much because they know whatever they produce is bullshit anyway and has very little bearing on their careers.
Finally, the "silent movies" are presented to the executives, in a full-on screening room. Gary's team is first, and Gary makes the wise move of bringing the stuffed koala bear in with them. Stephen thinks it's a stupid idea, but I know how these Celebrity Apprentice executives work by now. It's a good idea.
The executives are charmed by Gary Busey, this man-baby making a practical mockery of their product. They sit back and watch the commercial, and Gary watches the executives. Gary thinks the executives love it, but they probably love that celebrities gave it a good ol' college try. The film is stupid and doesn't make sense. Why is Gary Busey turning around, holding bronzer? Why is the bronzer cock-blocking this beach-loving guy, who is trying to get a tan much-older woman into the sun?
In the presentation, Gary makes two things abundantly clear: Sydney Koala is important, and he will terrify the executives into liking his team the best.
Team Power presents . Trace asks them to imagine a world without Australian Gold. This "film," as opposed to Gary's team's spot, has titles explaining the action. It tells a cute, very quick story, and hardly features the product, but at least makes a bit more sense. My boyfriend, suffering through this episode with me, points out that both videos are "wretched piles of shit."
Donald Trump meets with Katie, Miss Unblinking America, and Eric, whoever the hell that is. Katie, wide-eyed to the point of intimidation, tells Donald the teams did great. Trace's team had focus and "grasped the concept." Eric agrees with Katie. Katie says Gary's team had a lot of creativity and they liked Lisa. Donald Trump brings up Lisa Rinna's lips, yet again, because he's a complete asshole without anyone to keep him in check anymore. Eric agrees with whatever is being said.
"So both teams did an incredible job," Donald Trump paraphrases incorrectly. Then, he asks Eric, of all people, who the winner is. Like Eric even knows what's going on. He has stared into Katie's Jafar-snake-staff too long to experience free will.
In the boardroom, it is clear that Gary has still latched on to Sydney the Koala as an item of importance, and didn't pay much attention to who was doing what on his team. Everyone treats Gary like a child, and congratulates him for tying his shoes. Compliments of Trace's team are interrupted by Donald Trump noting how hot his daughter Ivanka is looking.
Donald shows the teams each other's commercials, oops I mean films. It's confirmed, they are both garbage. The less garbagey commercial belongs to Trace's team. They are permitted to retire to the penthouse to watch Gary Busey confuse the Trump family.
Gary agrees they should have displayed the products more. Stephen backpedals around his directing and poor decision-making. Penn makes a point eloquently that they discussed displaying more of the products but wanted to be tasteful, then admits that Gary should be fired as project manager. Penn hesitates when asked if the other team's video is better. Everyone continues to pretend both videos are stellar works of art and advertising.
Gary brings Stephen and Penn back into the boardroom. Gary hands Stephen the blame, sort of half-heartedly and without commitment. Stephen blames time, and that his only job is to direct. He's boring, he's not good TV anymore, he should be fired. Gary says Penn should not be fired, Donald agrees and excuses Penn from the boardroom. Stephen flounders a bit, as the main person responsible for the losing product, and is then fired for being too stupid and boring to continue. Gary lives to molest executives another day.