Previously: Michael Andretti stalled at taking the Project Manager role during a car challenge, resulting in his and Adam Carolla's ouster. Also, nobody likes Debbie Gibson or Lou Ferrigno, and Trump accused Tia Carrere of flying under the radar.
Nighttime, Trump Tower. The ladies of Forte are in their suite. Patricia Velásquez warns the women they'll need to change their ways if they want to keep winning. She thinks Aubrey O'Day and Lisa Lampanelli's clique is corroding Forte from within. Their conversation is interrupted when the guys return sans Adam and Michael. Lisa actually says out loud, "Lou?" she's so surprised to see him. The men congratulate the ladies on their win and take the firings in stride.
At least that what it sounds like on the outside. In reality, the men are sick and tired of being sick and tired -- of Lou. Arsenio says, "I don't care if we're selling Playtex products week. Lou has to lead." And Trump said as much, so that means Lou is PM this week and almost invariably will get fired if he doesn't eke out a win. Bring on the menstrual aids! Lou recognizes, "If I don't take action now, I'm in trouble." He chats with Tia, and she acknowledges that she's in the same boat. Credits.
The morning, Debbie delivers her $50,000 check to Children International. She explains that $2 a day can make a huge difference in the kids' lives, so this donation from Trump and GM will be overwhelming -- in a good way.
Later, the Celeb-pprenti meet the three Trump men and reps from O-Cedar floor cleaners at the New York Public Library. The teams are tasked to create a viral video for a new spray mop from the company. They'll be judged on product integration, entertainment value, and brand messaging. Lou and Tia immediately step up, though Aubrey snarks that she didn't volunteer for PM because "this brand has been around for 100 years -- just like Tia." Gratuitous, O'Day. Gratuitous! When the guys of Unanimous announce that Lou will be taking the reins, he demonstrates how motivated he is by dropping down to do some push-ups. And they called him a one-trick pony! He has two tricks! Clay Aiken covers his face in shame. Trump tells the teams that, like last week, the winner will get $50,000. With the ladies hoping for a clean sweep (bah-dum-bum), the task begins.
Unanimous. It isn't a very promising start when Penn Jillette and Dee Snider have to explain the concept of a viral video to Paul Teutul. Sr. Lou tells the guys they're going to be amazing and brilliant and throws his hat in the ring once again to star in this production. Penn asks if he has any ideas. Lou thinks a dog leaving muddy footprints on a floor is going to burn up the Internet. Oh, Lou, footprints won't do. It has to be cupcakes at the very least! If only to expedite his departure, the guys agree to theme the video around Lou.
Forte. Dayana Mendoza wants to draw on her experience as Miss Universe and do a spoof of pageants. Aubrey naturally thinks they're the worst ideas ever -- because they're not hers. To be fair, Dayana also thinks a video featuring a pregnant woman mopping up her own vaginal spill after her water breaks is a good idea, so... maybe Aubrey has a point. The low-rent (and maybe a little racist?) Dayana imitation, however, is unnecessary. Aubrey has decided that she, Lisa and Debbie are the strongest players. When the editors cut to an aerial shot with Dayana's incessant stream of bad ideas overlaid, I suspect they might agree.
The ladies head to their war room at O-Cedar and start testing out the product. Tia is already nervous because they only have one day to put the entire video together from start to finish. Mike from O-Cedar stops by to give them some pointers for their challenge. Unlike last week's stuffy GM folks, he's open to a little sexy wordplay. He tells them to come up with a winking catchphrase. Last year's was "Dirty little secrets." Elsewhere, the other O-Cedar exec isn't quite as excited/open-minded when the guys ask if they can be funny. She insists the product must be "the hero" and tells them brand messaging is key. As to the question of humor, she tells them, "It's your choice." Given that a.) Lou is likely not very funny (at least not intentionally/on command) and b.) the guys got burned last week trying to use humor, I suspect this will be the dullest viral video ever. The women will really have to biff this one.
But at least they won't do it by using Dayana's broken-water idea. Tia's all, "That gross. Sorry, Dayana!" They settle on a "What's your number?" concept. Sex is implied, but they're really talking about mops. Wink, wink! Tia thinks it's genius. Patricia... not so much. The ladies start writing anecdotes about their mop "number." Dayana's is pretty explicit, saying things like, "My hand doesn't hurt when I hold it because of its shape." Even Lisa thinks that may be going a bit too far with the innuendo, yet no one appears to tell Dayana she needs to tone it down. To be continued...
Back at Unanimous, the guys have to explain to Lou what "hero" means in this context. Wow. Lou thinks he literally should play a superhero, which is not a horrible idea. As Penn is basically leading Lou through the task by the nose, Clay worries that Penn's play is too focused on the boardroom from minute one, which is detrimental to the teamwork aspect of the game. The others think Penn is being too intellectual and condescending throughout the whole process. Penn continues to nitpick as they haggle over their "O-CedarMan" concept, and Clay calls him out for being condescending and negative, effectively setting up Lou to fail. He actually has a little bit of an outburst, but Arsenio respects him for it. As does Lou, who sic-sic-sic calls Penn "a raging bull in a china closet -- almost like a devil." Penn's not that raging, though, because he backs down and apologizes immediately.
Speaking of bulls, Paul gets frustrated and tells the guys they need to grab one by the horns. He suggests they use the phrase, "I'll mop the floor with you," and they all think it's a good jumping-off point, especially when Arsenio points out they can do a little wordplay by making it look like Lou is talking to another guy when he's really talking to the mop. Ding, ding! We have a winner.
Forte. As the women refine their concept, Debbie suggests making T-shirts showing each woman's "number." She feels like she's not contributing enough and wants to design the shirts, but Tia hands that assignment to Patricia, who has been focusing on graphic design for the last several tasks. Debbie tries to horn in on the design process anyway, but Patricia shuts her down. She knows that Debbie doesn't play well with others when she doesn't get her way, but at this point that could provide boardroom ammo, so she has no reason to back down.
Unanimous. Dee has taken on the role of director, and the crew has arrived. Penn is still sulking that Clay confronted him -- so much so that he's questioning the choice to participate in this show altogether. Meanwhile, Arsenio and Clay trash-talk him as they head out for supplies. They vow to win for Lou's sake, which I find ridiculous considering what a pain Lou is to deal with. Then again, he's been incredibly strong in the boardroom and avoided firing last week when everyone turned on him, so I think they mainly just covering their asses under the guise of team spirit. I'm pretty sure that's a working philosophy of this show, by the way.
Forte. Tia is confident in taking the helm for the women, though she is already flustered that Lisa and Aubrey (like Debbie) are only happy when they're the star players. Completely proving her point, Aubrey explains that she has been the creative driving force on every task so far. Now that Tia has broken her iron grip, she wants to "sock her in the face." There's a bit of a kerfuffle because Tia only has one camera angle planned, and Aubrey thinks they need more coverage. She concludes that Tia must be punishing her because she's "angry and jealous... or an idiot." Real mature, Aubs. Lisa coaxes Tia into planning out more angles, and Aubrey Jim Halperts at the camera in annoyance.
Unanimous. Shooting begins, and Lou struggles mightily with his lines. He has particular trouble with the word "dirty," which you can imagine is pretty critical to the "I'll mop the floor with you" concept. Clay (who works with kids who need speech therapy) and Arsenio are very patient and helpful. Lou is grateful to have someone on his side, and it shows in the few takes.
The women are also shooting at Forte, though they're choosing to go with a more-is-more approach as far as using their star power. Each of them will film a segment. While that's happening, Dayana becomes concerned that neither the word "mop" nor an actual mop appears in any of the vignettes. Debbie tells her to say something to Tia, but Dayana is afraid that it's too late now that they're already in mid-swing. Debbie turns to Aubrey, who also doubts that the concept is big enough to go viral, especially since she's looking around and seeing that half the team is sitting on the sidelines at any given time. Really, it's all about her (hell, she had a -- terrible -- reality show called All About Aubrey). She's annoyed that she's not "being utilized" (code for running the show, despite the fact she's never actually been PM). Still, she makes a fair point that most of them aren't working most of the time. From my perspective, it gives them more time to talk trash, though, so I'm okay with it. Aubrey snarks, "You know a Project Manager is bad when Debbie Gibson and I have taken time to become BFF."
Unanimous. Lou paves the way for his appearance on Season 15 of Dancing with the Stars by taking the O-Cedar mop for a spin around the kitchen set. Twinkle-toes-y music is playing, and it is stylistically not unlike Travolta's disco routine to "You Should be Dancing" from Saturday Night Fever... until Lou bites it and falls on the floor. HARD. Oh, and there are close-ups of Lou grinding his hips and makin' his pecs dance. You're welcome! Eric stops by to check up on the guys and is encouraged by the energy and optimism he sees on team Unanimous. He commends them for taking a chance on Lou.
Don Jr. stops by Forte as Tia sits down to edit. Despite the fact she only has 90 minutes to put together the video, she takes time to explain the concept to Don. Really she just wants to present a strong facade on behalf of her team and ensure Don doesn't see the obvious tension between them. She does not succeed.
As the night progresses, Aubrey and Debbie continue to be all BFFsies together as they put together the presentation to accompany the video Tia and Lisa are editing. It's a total sleepover vibe, and like any sleepover, there's always a girl who feels left-out. That girl is Dayana. Tia tromps over to Debbie and Aubrey and is all, "Girls, you have to include Dayana... and why is there a bra in the freezer?" Like the irascible grandma who's frustrated this is how her life turned out, Lisa lets loose on Tia for indulging the idea that everyone should have a star turn. There will be no participation awards on Ms. Lampanelli's team! She unleashes a stream of expletives, calling the situation "annoying" and "sickening." Patricia thinks Dayana has been shot down enough that she needs to use this turning point to stand up for herself.
Unanimous. Clay sees that Penn is still moping. He interviews that his "mama would not be proud" of him if he didn't extend an olive branch. He approaches Penn, who explains that the word "condescending" hit too close to home because, when he was a kid, people saw his size and condescended to him because they assumed he was a dumb kid who'd been left behind in school. He thinks Clay calling him condescending translates to Clay straight-up not liking him. For all the effort Clay makes to disprove that assumption, he basically admits Penn's right. Penn says he feels set up, which is kind of ridiculous because if someone were truly trying to set him up, they wouldn't voice their grievances to his face. I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of a set-up. It's called a dialogue. In any case, Clay thinks Penn is being melodramatic and superior. They agree to disagree (though that implies a little more closure than what actually goes down).
Speaking of things going down, the ladies pacify Dayana by tasking her with ordering flowers for the presentation. They want peonies. She puts out the phone call, and it's like a segment bad gross-out comedy. Just imagine what the word "peonies" my sound like coming out of a fast-talking Latina's mouth. "Do you guys have peonies?" Think about it... I'll wait... Okay, I'll spell it out -- or Dayana starts to, "P-E-N..." She runs over to Tia to get the spelling, and Tia can't stop laughing at hearing Dayana's mispronunciation. Lisa chimes in, "I think the answer is 'Yes' either way!" Even Dayana has a good laugh in hindsight and chirps, "I love penises!"
The morning, the men present first. Lou introduces the video -- which you can see in full here -- quite charismatically (but also quickly, which is important). He only has a few lines before a more intelligible actress delivers the important information as Lou shimmies and thrusts the mop behind her. The O-Cedar execs and Eric seem genuinely amused by the video. Clay says that Lou has been singled out as the weakest team member every week thus far but thinks Lou turned it around this week.
The ladies of Forte head inside to present. Tia delivers a brief intro before Aubrey and Debbie perform their cheeseball skit into which they're praying can jam all the information about the mop that clearly won't be in their overly clever video. The executives are still smiling as they introduce the video "that actually makes a mop look hot" (uh, gross?). It's a lot of quick cuts, mugging from Aubrey, Patricia screaming like a maniac in Spanish ("¡Mucho! ¡Sessanta y ocho!" [Translation: 78]), and general discomfort. Though Eric continues to smile, the O-Cedar folks lose their excitement. The lady's face fades, and the guy actually cocks his head to the side. The ladies seem to get back the audience when the video transitions to the mop's specs (read in rapid semi-monotone like the side effects of a prescription drug). They give a hearty round of applause as Forte leaves.
Overall impressions: The women were "very personable and adorable," but the product wasn't the hero. The men didn't have enough star power, though they displayed the mop's features better. But was it too much like a traditional commercial to succeed as a viral video? TBA...
Boardroom. Unsurprisingly, Lou thinks his team won. Did he feel supported? Yes. Trump turns to Dee, who makes a bit of a misstep when he leads with Lou's "handicap." Lou takes umbrage at this word, preferring the term "disability." He insists he doesn't hide behind his disability but appreciates that guys generally respect that he needs a little more patience because of his hearing issues. Trump asks Paul how he thinks Lou did. Paul says matter-of-factly that Lou was the star. Trump appreciates Lou's heretofore scrappy-to-the-point-of-shitting-on-his-teammates competitive spirit. Clay says Lou blew him away with his commitment, particularly during the dancing segments. Somehow, talk of Lou's arthritis prompts Trump to go on an anti-exercise tirade that concludes, "And Trump keeps chugging along." (That was very nearly my recap title.)
Trump turns to Tia, who shies away from naming a star but says that Lisa was her most dependable member. Well... up until now! Lisa doesn't waste a minute admitting she thinks Tia should be fired if they win. She says Tia "never got a handle on the whole operation... it fell short at times." Tia justifies this criticism through corporate speak, saying she's "not a micromanager." Trump asks the ladies how Debbie (or "Deborah" as he calls her per her early-2000s demand request) performed. Dayana admits that Debbie was often unproductively stressed. Tia pawns it off, saying, "That's her personality."
The conversation turns to Debbie, Lisa and Aubrey's frustration that they're the only ones driving the tasks creatively. Trump thinks Lisa might have just insulted most of her teammates. To which I say, the word "insult" is in her job title. Hello, Insult Comedian! Also, it's true. She has no qualms about naming Dayana as the least valuable teammate. Like the others she just dismissed, Dayana doesn't bring strong, executable ideas to the table.
It comes out that Tia's own idea was shot down (because it was too been-there-done-that, says Lisa). Trump doesn't like that a PM would let herself or her ideas be overpowered by the group. Trump asks what concept the ladies ultimately chose. Teresa stumbles in explaining the "What's your number?" hook, so Tia steps in. She's extra-delicate with her terminology, saying it's about people you've dated. Teresa chimes back in that it's more sexual than that. Trump claims he "doesn't get it" and somewhere along the way, Teresa directly asks Trump, "How many women have you been with?" Trump smirks and raises his eyebrows. More to the point, though, Don Jr. is a little too excited to know about his dad's sexual history. The exact phrase he used was, I believe, "Give it to us!" To which I ask you: What's more disturbing -- that or this? Tia claims the concept was a group choice, but Patricia doesn't agree. Even as she splinters off to cover her own ass, she claims she was being a "team player" in going along with the concept. She does admit she thinks it was well-executed.
Over to the men and their "I'll mop the floor with you" concept. Trump thinks it's "cute," and I particularly enjoy Penn describing Lou's dancing style as "like a crazy monkey." Crazy Monkey is, in fact, my B-girl name. Eric wonders why the guys let Lou be the star when the women were much more equal-opportunity about their video. Lou explains that he needed to step forward and prove himself after he's been accused week after week of not contributing. He says it doesn't matter how many times he gets knocked down, he'll always get up. But will this be his TKO?
Dee doesn't think so. If he had to choose someone to go home, it would be Paul. On the one hand, he didn't do much of anything past the five seconds he came up with the slogan for the task. On the other hand, that was probably the most critical five seconds of the task if you really think about it. With no verdict rendered, Trump moves to Arsenio, who hesitantly agrees with Dee. Clay defends Paul, saying he is overall a major contributor to the group and is "not as mean as you think he is." Ringing endorsement!
Trump asks Lou who will return the boardroom with him if Unanimous loses. Lou names Paul and Penn. Trump is surprised by this second development. Lou notes Penn's "bull in a china closet [sic]"-ness and his "superior attitude." Not helping himself, Penn throws a side eye at Lou, which the editors ramp up by slowing down by at least half. He criticizes Penn's negativity and lack of compassion for his teammates' emotions. Clay nods his head, all, "Preach!" Trump asks Clay to elaborate. Clay says Penn admitted he prefers to be in charge (to which Penn bugs out his eyes like Clay is putting words into his mouth) and, when he's not, becomes a real C-word. That's "condescending," gutter brains!
Penn basically says all this talk of "emotions" is hooey and that it's about getting the job done at the end of the day. Dee explains that what Penn interprets as a no-nonsense attitude feels to the others like a compulsive need to correct everyone else. He dubs him "The Fact-Checker." Clay says Penn becomes a dark cloud when he doesn't get his way and admits, at Trump's prompt, that this experience is much tougher than American Idol -- and with 100 percent less sassy red leather jackets to keep in the warmth in the cold of night!
Trump turns to Don Jr. for his report on Forte. The women nailed entertainment value, brand messaging, teamwork and the focus on the product mist function. Their concept was overall a little too abstract, though, and the video wasn't as strong as the presentation. With a bit of griping from Dayana (who has officially become the new Lou), Trump asks Eric what the execs thought of the men. They appreciated that Lou played against type, the catchy tagline, and the presentation of the mop's features. However, the video wasn't necessarily viral so much as a run-of-the-mill advertisement, and the men overplayed the eco-friendly card when users can put any old Earth-killing solution in the mister they want. But who won the 50 Gs? Unanimous (on behalf of the Muscular Dystrophy Association). Sorry, After-School All-Stars! Better luck time!
The men leave to celebrate the turning of the tables, and the women are left to fight for their lives. Dayana is quick to voice his discontent, and Lisa is equally quick to call Dayana out for being a dirty bird with overly evocative double entendres in her vignette. Lisa overplays it a little, making it sound like Dayana was ready to give a handy on the presentation floor, and no one ever flat-out says what Dayana's "overly graphic" phrasing entailed, which only fuels the fire when Lisa claims "it's not for mixed company." But it was, at least, for primetime air!
Trump circles back around, asking Lisa how she can defend herself if she was steering the ship creatively. Lisa thinks her loss will be felt on the team, insists that everyone was supportive of -- nay, thrilled about -- her idea yesterday, and says Dayana is only speaking out against her in retaliation. Dayana disagrees with this, and Don Jr. asks if Dayana offered any alternatives. Dayana explains that her ideas routinely get shot down.
Up in the men's suite, Arsenio worries that Dayan is "fine but finished." When Trump turns to Aubrey, Dee snarks, "Everybody quiet! Aubrey's speaking! ... [She's saying] something about herself!" Yikes. If the men can step away from the dysfunction on their team to recognize that Aubrey won't shut the hell up, then she's really made an impression. Aubrey says this task has been the worst for her yet because Tia took control of the project at the expense of involving everyone on the team. Tia responds by basically calling Aubrey a self-interested hussy who is ready to drop her dedication to the team the minute she gets in the boardroom.
Trump asks Patricia who should be fired. Patricia thinks Lisa brings more to team. By inference, that means Tia should be fired. Lisa agrees (shocker), saying Tia is partly to blame because she didn't correctly execute "an idea that was great." But, she wonders, should you fire Tia or a team member who is "distracting and derailing"? That would be Dayana. Patricia defends Dayana, saying that she's not the best ideas person, but she is a valuable cog in the team machinery. She thinks the idea generation is being overvalued in this boardroom. Though Aubrey name-checks Tia to be fired, she then spends much more time responding to Patricia's point. The essence of her rejoinder: "Dayana sucks." She says Lisa could do all the menial bullshit that Patricia is claiming makes Dayana valuable, but Dayana certainly couldn't provide the creative power that Lisa brings to the table.