In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Alex and Chris bring Bren to Net Worth, and the three guys agree they should have a yooge advantage when trying to sell a new Pontiac roadster, because who ever heard of girls knowing anything about cars? Duh! Things get hot at Magna when Craig and Tana, feeling their oats far too much after a couple of victories at the new camp, decide to smart off to PM Kendra a few times. Space for a promo CD in a brochure? Silly Kendra. Everyone knows a brochure is a simple, tri-fold affair that can be prepared in Print Shop. Back in the box, Kendra! When Tana and Craig eventually bail on the task entirely, Kendra stays up and does the brochure almost entirely on her own, and to her credit, produces something rather snazzy and attractive, really. Meanwhile, Bren produces promotional copy so boring it could be sold as a sedative, and the boys try to pass off an out-of-focus picture as the result of awesome speed blur, because God knows nobody is smart enough to tell the difference between those two things. The Pontiac executives love Kendra's work and hate everything Net Worth did, so the hapless Net Worth team goes out with even less hap than it had previously, and winds up in its seventh straight Boardroom. Chris can't wiggle out of this one, despite the fact that none of them exactly made the best of impressions, and he is finally fired. Oh, and on the way out, he has a weepy sobfest and Donald Trump has to hold his hand and comfort him. Oh, no, I'm not kidding. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on Uhhhhhhh...: The teams competed to create the Detained By Airport Security Collection on behalf of American Eagle, complete with jackets with little wires running out of them and bulky laptops stuffed down your pants and whatnot. Tana obtained "valuable insight" into the fact that kids love cell phones -- insight she obtained from a focus group, because the only other source of said information would have been any periodical publication dated between 1998 and 2005. Craig and Kendra didn't like each other, and it was easy to sympathize with both of them. Chris lost a credit card, but hey -- that didn't matter. Because Angie stammered during the presentation. Bad Angie! Net Worth went to the Boardroom again, where Alex escaped blame for horrendous management and Chris escaped blame for losing five grand, because Angie went, "Uhhh..." So, of course, Angie was fired. Six are left. Who will go ?
Up in the Love Palace, Bren is telling Kendra that his money is on Alex to get the boot. Kendra says she thinks it will be Angie. Tana, meanwhile, wonders why Chris "always gets to snake out." Good point. I think the bottom line is that any of the people at the final table could be suggested as reasonable firing candidates, which makes the entire thing both totally just and totally unsatisfying. Tana interviews that she'd like to see Chris fired. "He's a virgin, and we're all sluts," she says. Have to say, I'm really not finding that as evocative as she'd like it to be. She's starting to come off as one of those people who says stuff like that for effect, because you'll think it's so shocking coming from her. That's a routine with a limited lifespan, to say the least.
The door swings open, and Alex and Chris enter. Hugging ensues. Tana is wearing a lavender Muppet pelt around her neck as she explains in an interview that she was shocked that Chris wasn't fired. Alex tells Magna how Trump called them "losers," and Chris talks about how Trump called him a disaster again. "We were having the same conversation," Bren says. Heh. Chris smiles, but then he says, "That's not funny," in a way that I think...is supposed to be funny, but kind of isn't. Lots of levels. And none are working. In an interview, Chris and his olive green pullover tell us that after all these losses, Trump is "disappointed" in Chris, and therefore, Chris has decided he has to be the PM and "kick their ass." Yeah. This is the part where he makes his big move! He hasn't even been tryin'! Get ready! Stand back! Look at him go!
Back in the suite, Alex puts his arm around Chris and says, "This is the Net Worth team, just so you guys can..." At being cuddled by Alex, Chris grins like a nutbar, which he basically is. Kendra now interviews that this was the point where she realized that this was the final six. Can't take anything away from girlfriend's ability with the counting, that's for sure. They don't actually show her looking around the room going, "Ooooone...twoooooo...," but I'm totally sure it happened. She says she surveyed the situation at this "pivotal moment," and realized that this was the time to "step it up." I'm not sure looking around and seeing Craig, Chris, Alex, Tana, and Bren sharing the room with you would make me feel like I really had to excel in order to succeed, but then, I'm not Kendra. You know what else? They don't show any cooking this season. By this point last season, it seemed like they were always cooking. You know, Doritos from scratch and stuff. When do they eat? ["I think we saw Michael eating at one point, to emphasize the fact that he wasn't doing anything useful, but it does seem like there's a lot less making of chicken-breast-related dishes than in past seasons." -- Sars]
The morning, Tana is wearing a wrinkly sweater (faux pas!) as she answers the Rhonaphone. Rhona tells her that Trump is meeting with some GM executives, and he will meet the candidates in front of the New York Stock Exchange at 8:30. Tana takes it down. Then, we are on Wall Street, and Trump is holding the Kiss-Up Meeting with the people of Pontiac. Pontiac, you will be shocked to hear, is doing really well. Really well! Trump, however, is thinking of himself as usual, and makes some comment about how he bought the building they're in for a million dollars, and now it's worth $400 million. And he only spent $500 million on renovations! Okay, he doesn't say that. Outside on the sidewalk, Trump, the Viceroys, and the Pontiexecutives meet up with the candidates. Trump reminds Net Worth that it is "a mess, a total mess." In case it forgot. Because it is down four people to two, he's going to ask Net Worth to pick someone from Magna to kidnap. After a brief confab, Alex and Chris select Bren. It's not surprising. Craig's personality doesn't seem to be going over great, and those two guys certainly aren't taking a woman. Trump first throws some love at the New York Stock Exchange, and then says that he has three Pontiexecutives with him, and reminds them that Pontiac is part of GM, and GM is worth $25 billion. "Which, by the way, is only $19 billion more than me." He crows a little, all har-har, about how that actually reflects well on him, and the candidates laugh obligingly even though it's not funny, because that's the kind of people they are.
Trump informs the group that their task will be creating a promotional brochure for the newest car in the Pontiac family, a little roadster called the Solstice. In fact, one of the Pontiexecutives describes it as a "sexy, gorgeous, two-seat roadster." Tana smiles, thrilled at all the sex jokes she can get from this. Trump tells them that whoever ultimately wins the job with him is actually going to get one of these little dealies. So you'd better like it, because you can't return it. They'll have all sorts of resources to create the brochure, including models and photographers and printers and so forth. The team that the Pontiexecutives decide created the better brochure will win. Oh, and Tana is exempt, and the losers will go to the Boardroom. And in the Boardroom, someone will be fired. Fired! Trump always gives you those little pieces of business in case you forget.
In the Magna cab, Kendra tells Craig and Tana that she's done a lot of press kits, so she's put together stuff just like this, and she'd like to be the PM. Craig is making a face, sort of, but ultimately, Tana and Craig both agree to support Kendra as the PM. The first idea Kendra floats is a foldout that would have a slot in it that could be used for a CD. Tana says that they don't want a CD, and Craig says they should just focus on the brochure. I think they're misunderstanding her -- I don't think she wants to make a CD; I think she wants to put in a spot for a CD. Kendra interviews, already rather riled up, that she couldn't understand why they had her be the PM and then immediately refused to listen to anything she had to say. She says that within the first 15 minutes, she realized that her teammates didn't have faith in her and she was going to spend the task "battling" them. That won't be fun. Not for her, and not for any of the rest of us, either.
Over in the Net Worth cab, Chris is gassing on about how great it is to have the three guys working together like this. And just them! No interlopers! Bren interviews that he's "really excited" about joining this allergic-to-victory team. With his tie askew as usual, he says that he intends to help the team break its losing streak. In the car, he says, "Dude, it's three guys, and it's a car. I mean, just think about it. Two chicks and one guy over at Magna Corp?" Chris and Alex cackle at the very thought, because everyone here in the year 1952 knows that girls don't take any interest in cars, and companies don't have any interest in selling cars to girls. Can you imaaaagine? And then Chris rubs his hands together and says, "Excellent," all allegedly hilarious, which he isn't. It really is amazing how these people fail to learn, if nothing else, how much of a moron you can wind up looking like if you don't watch the way you present yourself in moments like that. They really ought to go around much of the time thinking, "How dumb will I look if I lose?...How dumb will I look if I lose?..."
Magna arrives at Kaplan Thaler, which apparently paid for the placement and is thus being named as the advertising agency in play here. And having its sign shown! Good God, people, it's the biggest day in Kaplan Thaler history! Inside, the team oohs and aahs over pictures of the Solstice, and at its remarkable MSRP of only $20,000! It's so affordable and attractive! It's the car you've been waiting for! You are getting very sleepy! Carolyn comes in and sits down, and Kendra explains that she wants to appeal to the emotions of the buyer, because ultimately, a car like this is an emotional purchase -- as opposed, presumably, to a practical one, which I think is fair to say. I would love to hear someone ask, "Now, how would you fit, say, your kid's soccer team in this car?" Kendra interviews that her plan for the brochure is "a love affair with a car," in which every page will show a different emotion. Craig says that they need their "theme," and then he interviews that Kendra shouldn't be just planning to use great pictures accompanied by large-print words. Yeah, pictures accompanied by text? That will never work! "She just doesn't get it, much of the time," he says.
The Trump motto this week is "Pulling All-Nighters," and of course, he knows all about this, because he works so hard. He tells us that he's seen people "go days and days without any sleep" to finish a deal. Days and days? I really don't know about that, although I'm sure if his people do pull all-nighters, they're the biggest all-nighters in the country, so it makes a certain amount of sense. We watch as he makes a generic speech to a crowd about loving what you do (objection: irrelevant!), and then he tells us that if you don't have the physical or mental ability to do all-nighters, "you better be doing something else."
Magna enters the studios where the interior shooting is going to be done, and we get our first good look at the Solstice. It really is very pretty, but to me, more than "sexy car," it says "cartoon car." Like, I kind of expect it to have googly eyes on the front and a grill that turns into a mouth that opens wide and says, "How's it goin', fellas?" I mean, it's pretty and everything, but I don't exactly think it says, "Stud." Kendra asks Craig to stay here and supervise the shooting of the car. She interviews that she wanted to leave him there so that she and Tana could go off and do the exterior shots. As Kendra talks generally to the photographer (I think) about wanting shots of the "curves" and "lines" of the car, Craig complains that she "began micromanaging" the shoot. Which...I mean, that's just not what micromanaging is. Micromanaging would have been leaving a list of what shots to take and what order to take them in...that's micromanaging. "Get shots of the curves and the lines of the car" isn't micromanaging, to me. That's just managing. But of course, Craig doesn't feel like she delegated enough and so forth, because he's sort of primed to feel offended in the situation. I think Craig doesn't like management at all. I think he likes to be left entirely in charge of an entire area of a project, which really isn't necessarily what happens when you aren't your own boss. Kendra leaves; Craig pouts.
Net Worth now visits its studio and looks over the car. They all admire it. Bren compares the car to a beautiful woman, rather predictably, and with a certain aggressive lameness that suggests both unoriginality and underlying unctuous sexism. Bren becomes enamored of a little tag on the dashboard that says "Solstice" and features a little line drawing of the car. He instructs Chris that they have to incorporate that tag. Bren tells Alex to make sure to get "plenty of interior pictures," and makes Alex write it down. Bren is surprisingly bossy. Alex makes a note. Chris and Alex send Bren off to work on "research" for the copy that will be in the brochure. And why? Because he's "very well-spoken," because he's a lawyer. Pfft. That doesn't make you well-spoken, for God's sake, and it certainly doesn't qualify you to do marketing writing, of all things. Give your marketing writing to a lawyer, and you'll get back a brochure with footnotes. Chris goes with Bren as Bren goes off to work. Alex is left behind to do the studio photography.
Tana and Kendra are out shooting Magna's exterior shots. As they work, they ask people standing around what emotions the car evokes for them. They give answers like "sexy" and "young." Nobody says "goofy," like I would. Kendra notes that the ideas generally revolved around the central concept of desire, so that's what they'll be incorporating into the brochure. That seems like a start, tentatively speaking.
That evening, Chris is carefully putting the gray Solstice up against a gray building for a nice, monochromatic shot. The photographer snaps a series of shots. Chris likes them so much that he calls them "sick." Why am I not surprised that Chris sees that as a positive quality? Chris interviews that he loves the pictures, and Alex is doing the other ones.
Specifically, Alex is directing a very boring model in a very boring series of pictures where she's sitting on the front of the car. He's using words like "coy" and, even more revoltingly, "kitty." Yes, kitty. With an adult woman, he is using the word...well, you know. At least it wasn't "princess." At least not that we saw. Sigh. They finish up the shoot, and Chris returns to see how it went. Chris starts to ask about some of the detail shots that he was hoping Alex got, and it quickly becomes clear that Alex, for the most part, did not get them. Did he get a shot of the tire? No time, "dude." Chris looks disappointed. He asks whether Alex got the picture of the tag. "Not by itself," Alex says, which is awesome. Yeah, he got a shot of the tag in the sense that it's attached to the car, so in a sense, it's in all the pictures. Just not by itself. Chris says Bren will flip out when he learns that they didn't shoot that little tag. Chris then interviews that he was disappointed in the way Alex "screwed up the interior photos." I really hope Alex didn't spend all his time on the ones with the model, because those looked like they were going to be horrible. At any rate, Chris is shocked at the way Alex "dropped the ball" and such. Alex yawns.
Later, Net Worth is working at some secret location or other, and Chris is all excited about a really out-of-focus picture that he has decided looks cool. In fact, "that's the cool part." Of course, you can make artful use of out-of-focus shots, but you have to know what you're doing, and it's generally an effect that's planned, rather than being a "when life gives you blurry lemons, make blurry lemonade" situation. Alex has a bunch of pictures laid out in front of him as he tells Chris that they should have a section in the brochure about "interior styling." And then he walks right into a trap by starting to count off all the great pictures they have of the interior: "One...and..." Wow, awkward. Bren sort of can't believe there's only one interior shot -- nothing with the door open, and nothing featuring that tag that he's completely obsessed with. Indeed, it looks like time was spent on a bunch of very stupid-looking shots with models, which...you would never use shots like that. If you were going to use the model, you'd put her outside, because the studio shots here look clinical, and they're sort of supposed to, I think. They're on a gray backdrop, so they look minimalist and are about shape, so having people in them looks dumb and unnatural. Bren interviews that he told both of the guys how important it was to get that tag, and I really wish he would get off it. It's a nice detail, but that's not going to sink the project, so get the hell over it and move on, dude.
Kendra, on the other hand, is admiring a round crop of a picture of the front split grill, with the "Pontiac Solstice" lettering above and below. Kendra points out that this could be the front of the packaging. Tana rubs her eyes. Craig complains that they were sitting "watching" as Kendra reviewed the pictures, and he thought they should have been working on the copy. I think Kendra doesn't intend for him to watch, but to help, not that he's likely to do that once he decides he doesn't approve of what she's doing. Craig decides that because he's not "interested" in looking at the pictures, he'll just leave. Which he does. I am totally trying that the time there's something in my job that I don't feel "interested" in doing. "So, why did you not do the task you were assigned?" someone will ask me. "Oh, I wasn't interested." I think it's a winning strategy. I expect to be running the place within weeks.
Kendra interviews that she doesn't think Craig and Tana entirely understand how much time the process of producing and printing a brochure like this takes, and because of the experience she has, she knows it better than they do in this case. She goes back to see what Craig is doing, as she interviews that she knew the task would probably take all night. When she finds him, she asks him what he's doing, and he says that he's working on "structure," because they don't have any text to go with the pictures. She says she doesn't agree. Craig argues that they have no "concept" or "theme," but I think he's being too literal about that, as if they have to have some really literal "theme," like "This Is Not Your Father's Pontiac." Craig complains once Tana shows up that they've worked all day and have no -- you guessed it -- "concept" or "theme." Kendra interviews that she did have a concept, and she'd told him what it was, so it was frustrating that he apparently wasn't listening. Which I kind of believe, because it's his way, a little. I also suspect she didn't do a great job of explaining it. She says that at this point, she was beginning to feel "all alone in the process." Nothing like reality television to make you hate the word "process," that's for sure. Craig tells her that he refuses to work on the pictures anymore, basically. What a team player.
At Net Worth, Chris tells Bren that he's going to write all the text, and Bren says it will take all night to write. And then, in possibly my favorite part of the episode -- and maybe the season -- Chris goes to move his rolly-chair and dumps himself on his ass. Oh, guys falling down. That just never gets old, it really doesn't, especially in a season this grim. More slapstick, please! I would also accept girl-fighting and the throwing of pies. Alex and Bren appropriately laugh. Bren then asks whether the boys think the other team will "pull an all-nighter." He says "most assuredly not," and slams Craig and Tana for not even understanding the concept of all-nighters. Chris predicts that Craig will be "passed out at, like, 2:30."
At 2:30, Craig is looking very sleepy. Tana is telling Craig that the two of them both know they can't stay up all night. She says her throat hurts. Aw, her throat! She interviews that Kendra says the task will take all night, and she'll just "drink four more cups of coffee." "Well, guess what?" Tana rhetorically interviews. "I don't drink coffee." She says, "My comfort level is, I like to get my ass in bed around one. Her comfort level is probably she wants us to stay till 6:00 AM. So I have no problem saying, 'Honey, I know I did a damn good job. I'm exempt. My ass isn't going anywhere. So good night, God bless." And...she sucks. It's hard to even convey how condescending and superior Tana acts during this interview, except to stress the fundamentally asshole quality conveyed in her statement about how she doesn't care about the task because she's exempt. You're supposed to want to win because you care about winning, and when people bail simply because they won't be fired themselves, it's exactly like throwing the task and sandbagging the PM -- it's a fundamentally pussy maneuver, and you ought to be embarrassed by it. You're telling me you can't stay up past 1:00 if your job requires it? You're telling me you expect to remain in your "comfort level" at all times, even when you're on deadline? Well, dear, get yourself a nice 9:00 to 5:00 office job, because for most people with very much responsibility, life isn't always like that. "Comfort level." Pfft.
At any rate, Tana tells Kendra that she and Craig "shut down early," and Craig says he objects to staying up "just to be staying up." Kendra answers, by way of explaining why she'd rather they stayed, "I'm the kind of person that really respects my teammates' opinions, and I enjoy doing things as a team." Craig comes back: "I'm not convinced that what you just said is true yet, so." Kendra looks stung as Craig wraps up with a non-heartfelt, non-helpful, passive-aggressive "It's all good." Ooh, I hate that. Tana says that Craig is trying to say that "what he wants to see is some vision of your magazine experience, your publication experience." Which is absolutely not what Craig said, nor is it what Craig was trying to say. Craig was trying to say "fuck you," which is pretty much what he said, so Tana can butt out or speak for herself, but she doesn't need to restate "fuck you" as "we would like to see more manifestations of your publication experience." Kendra swallows hard and says that she at least appreciates the honesty. "While," she adds, "I'm extremely offended by it." She leaves, and Tana cackles to herself, because really hurting somebody's feelings is just about the most fuckin' hilarious thing that can happen. That is a lady who badly needs to be brought down a couple of pegs at some point, because she has become intolerably full of herself in a very short time. Kendra interviews that she felt like Tana told her that because she has experience, she has to do the whole thing herself. Which I don't think is what Tana meant, but it's kind of how it came off, because of the attitude. "If that's what it has to take to get the job done and to win," Kendra interviews as we watch Craig and Tana head home, "that's what I'm going to do."
At 3:30 in the morning, Kendra is writing copy. And elsewhere, Bren is, too. And Bren's copy sounds...well, suffice it to say it has the phrase "brainchild of GM chairman blah blah blah," and that's not a good sign. Because in a brochure? No one cares. It's a sensible transition to move from Bren's copy to shots of everyone yawning in the offices. At 5:30 AM, Craig and Tana are snoozing at home. As the sun is coming up, Kendra is looking at a really cool purple-toned picture that is set up to make the definition of "Solstice" appear to be "object of desire." That dictionary-definition thing is, I think, really cool, and if Craig wanted a "theme," that's sort of it, and I'd be curious to know whether they knew that was what she was doing before they left. Because unless she came up with that idea at 3:00 in the morning or was keeping it from them, espionage-style, I don't know why there was so much bitching.
At 6:20 AM, we see that Alex is napping on the floor with his sweater sleeve covering his eyes. And he's snoring. Chris thanks Bren for staying up all night, and they scoff at Alex for being asleep. That amateur! "He's such a little sissy," Chris says dismissively. For, you know, sleeping. I certainly hope that Chris isn't going to do anything sissy-like for the rest of the episode! I certainly hope that Chris is going to embrace masculine stereotypes and be a pillar of steel in the face of adversity! Because that's what you're vowing to do when you start throwing around the word "sissy," I think. ["I would add that, if it's so 'sissy' that it bore commenting on, perhaps one of them might have woken Alex's ass up already, then, but what do I know." -- Sars] Kendra, meanwhile, leaves the Kaplan Thaler guys working on her brochure and heads back to the L-Pal to freshen up for the presentation. She interviews that the team "fell apart" on her, and "didn't believe in [her]," but she assures us that she created a brochure she's totally happy with, and on her return, was "on top of the world." When she's back at the L-Pal, she pokes her head into Craig and Tana's bedroom and tells them that she just got back, it's about 8:30, and the brochure is done. "I'm like a girl who just had sex," she says. "I've got like a silly grin on my face." And in about five minutes, all her clothes will be on backwards, so that will work perfectly. Tana and Craig pretend to be happy for her. Tana finds a foreign object in her bed, but that's really all I can tell you.
We visit with Net Worth as they review their finished brochure. It's basically a horizontally-oriented book-style brochure, maybe double the size of your checkbook, but opening down the left side. The first page is a red translucent sheet that says, in three different fonts, "Gorgeous. Sexy. Affordable." Because as they always say: tell, don't show. And just inside that sheet is their out-of-focus shot of which Chris was so fond. George reviews the brochure, and Chris calls him "bro" while informing him that he will love it. George looks notably noncommittal. Alex, on the other hand, voices over that Bren's text wasn't "persuasive." Because it was boring as dirt, presumably. I'm telling you, that's what happens when you have your copy written by people who specialize in motions to dismiss. Chris is clearly extremely happy with the brochure; Alex, not so much.
Magna receives its brochure . Kendra has basically designed a round brochure on a spiral binding at the top. Kendra says that she was anxious to see the looks on Craig and Tana's faces when she revealed it. And indeed, they can't help but be impressed. "Oh, I love it," Tana coos. They admire it, and Craig says that he knew it was possible, since they had a great product. Among other things, Kendra has used filters on the photos, I think, to produce ones that match the colors of the pages they face -- in other words, the orange "Passion" page faces a picture that's tinged with orange. It's a good effect. And for a promotional brochure made on this show, I have to agree with Kendra that it's unusually good and unusually interesting. She definitely deserves the praise she's heaping on herself. Kendra interviews that she was grossed out by the team's effort to take credit for what they eventually made her finish up on her own. "I just have a completely different type of work ethic," she says. Craig kisses the top of Kendra's head, which is a moment he entirely has not earned, and he's got no business acting like that. At all.
Later, the Pontiexecutives meet with Magna, which is ready to present its brochure. Kendra isn't even fully into the room before Tana starts talking. "We wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for this incredible opportunity to work with such an incredible car," she says. Wow. It's not easy to be that inarticulate in that short a time. Kendra seethes. It isn't clear whether responsibility for the presentation was ever divided up properly by the PM here, but in any event, Kendra clearly believed she was going to be presenting, and she clearly is miffed that Tana is stepping on her shit after bugging out on the work. Kendra says, "Tana created the appearance that it was her concept." Which the executives are probably smart enough not to assume, but then, Jen got away with it last time. Kendra tries to jump in, but Tana jumps back in. And then Kendra jumps in again, and she shows off the fact that she did in fact include a slot for a CD -- which works nicely and unobtrusively in the round brochure -- as well as a slot for a business card. She did a good job, there's no question. Go here and look at the winning brochure, and you'll see that she did do an excellent job. You can look at Net Worth's, too, and observe the raging suck. At any rate, Kendra does take over enough to get out her best line, which is that all the emotions talked about by their "focus group" centered around desire. The Pontiexecutives thank them and send them on their way.
Trump approaches in his limo.
Net Worth comes in for its presentation. The first photo to go up is one of the really stupid ones, with the models. Bad first impression, to say the least. "The first thing I thought when I saw the Solstice," Chris says, "was not only exteriorally, but interiorally, this was truly the design of a sports car." I'm not sure if the Pontiexecutive really made as much of a laugh-choking face at the non-words "exteriorally" and "interiorally" as they make it look like he did, but I'd certainly like to believe it happened that way. Alex interviews, as a tuba of failure honks, that Chris is a horrible public speaker, beginning with those non-words he likes to throw in. Chris also refers to the "Solster roadster," and then corrects himself. I think he's thrown off by not being able to spit in the middle of his sentences anymore. The Pontiexecutive asks Chris what exactly he was going for with the blurry shot. Chris says that they thought it would push people to the . I guess...to figure out whether the whole thing was out of focus, or just that one picture. Nothing like enticing people to read your materials by tempting them to wonder whether there's been some kind of massive printing screw-up. In other news, Alex insists that "the shape" of the brochure would make somebody pick it up. So...rectangles are the new trapezoids, or something. The Pontiexecutives send them packing, and none too soon.
Because...Trump! He shows up and asks how the teams did. The guy tells him that one team did great, and the other team...tried to do great. Heh. The teams are called back in. The Pontiexecutive starts with Net Worth, telling them that he appreciates how they tried to make a good message, but it just wasn't there in the final product. Chris looks at the floor. The information also isn't persuasive, particularly. On the other hand, Magna "delivered just exactly what [they] needed." He praises the brochure rather extravagantly, and winds up breaking the news that Pontiac will actually be using it to promote the car. Trump is clearly impressed. So Magna is the "slam-dunk winner" of the task. Trump congratulates them on the good work they did. Kendra tells us that she felt "so ecstatic," because she had had to do the entire thing by herself. Trump reminds her that week, she will be exempt. And their reward will be basketball with Isaiah Thomas and some Knicks. Net Worth, on the other hand, will head for the Boardroom.
Net Worth sits around drinking. Apparently, this was some stupid "just the boys" night before one of them got, you know, bounced. Chris, apparently already a way into his evening of intoxication, half-slurs that he's still unhappy that they weren't able to pull it off. He says he doesn't understand how Magna managed to be more creative. "And they were," he says. "Let's be honest." "Kicked our ass," Alex agrees. Chris interviews that seven losses will not look good in the Boardroom. Now sporting a mint-green hat-and-scarf combo (!), Chris tells us that he tried hard to prove himself to Trump, and it didn't work.
Meanwhile, at Madison Square Garden, it's time for my least favorite part of the show: the reward. Tana acts happy, but given the awkwardness with which she says the words "Penny Hardaway," she doesn't care. Trump arrives with Melania, and Isaiah Thomas is introduced as "a winner." Trump is sent over to shoot a free throw, and on what I suspect is Take 816, he sinks it. Thomas puts Magna through a passing drill, at which they suck. This entire thing, particularly the part where they're running suicides, serves only as a backdrop for Kendra's big speech about how she's been laying back for twelve weeks, but this is where she'll make her big move. Metaphor: She's way ahead in the suicides! Get it? DO YA? She says that this is her "time to shine," and that now, she's "a force to be reckoned with." She hangs from the basket with her feet waggling. Adorable.
Net Worth prepares to go to the Boardroom. Alex packs his suitcase with...his Bible? His copy of The Wealth Of Nations? His big fat journal? No idea. Bren tells us that he originally was happy to be picked for Net Worth, figuring that he'd go over to a losing team and turn it around. Didn't go down that way, quite. Bren and Alex have the following conversation on the balcony, and you don't even need to know who says what: "Buddy, it's been great, man." "It's all good, bro." "Love you, dude." "Love you, bro." "You're a good man." "You're a great man." [Insincere hug.] "All right, let's go cut each other's hearts out." "I know, let's slit each other's throats." "[Self-satisfied chuckle.]" Do guys really do that? Y'all are so weird. That's at least as goofy as going to the bathroom in groups, so I don't want to hear another word. Elsewhere, Chris puts on his Tie of Portent as he interviews that he really thinks he's "somewhat of a brilliant young man," and he's sort of surprised that he can't stop losing. I don't think he should be that surprised.
Ding! They get off the elevator and wheel their rolly-cases through the lobby. They sit in the Boardroom across from George and Carolyn, and then Trump is upon us. "I've seen so much of you two," he says to Chris and Alex, and then he adds, "Especially Chris." Ow. He mentions to Chris that this is seven losses in a row, which it turns out Chris has noticed. Trump asks Bren whether these guys brought him down. "Absolutely," Bren says. Asked why, Bren tells Trump that the team wasn't creative, and the brochure wasn't compelling. Trump, showing his newfound fondness for props in the Boardroom (not that kind of props), brandishes the two brochures. He rubs the team's nose in the fact that the Magna brochure was so nifty that Pontiac wants to use it. And then Trump throws the Net Worth brochure at them, so that it lands in front of Chris with a sharp "thwack" on the table. Chris agrees that the design of the Magna brochure is great, but defends the pictures he has as equally good.
George, unsurprisingly, takes the opportunity here to say that he doesn't like their pictures at all, and Trump points out that the main picture they feature is all blurry. Chris claims this as a stylistic choice, which it could be, except that again, when you do that, it should be on purpose -- not just because you have a picture that didn't come out. Because you think people can't tell, but they totally can. "That's a beautiful car that's totally out of focus!" Trump says. "They killed us," Alex admits, and as to the blurry picture, Alex takes half the responsibility for helping choose it. He claims that they thought it would have "personality," and Carolyn's like, "But that's the first page." Heh. Never put your personality on the first page! That's actually one of my main rules of meeting people, interestingly enough. George asks how many pictures they got, and Chris tells him there were between 150 and 200. George is like, "And you picked that one?" Heh. George asks if they thought the brochure was a winner when they submitted it, and Chris is forced to say he did, because otherwise, he'd have to admit he put in something he thought was inferior. Trump asks Chris why he loses so much, and you hear the first hint in Chris's voice that he's breaking up a little bit when he tells Trump that he doesn't lose in life, so he doesn't know why he keeps losing here. George, rather obnoxiously, says that it should have been "a slam-dunk for you guys," presumably because...they're boys? That's so absurd. Simmer down, George. Don't make me run you down in the car you assume I don't understand.
Bren brings up the tag that they didn't get a picture of, and the way he told both the boys to get that picture. Trump asks Chris why he didn't, in fact, have something of the car on the cover. Chris says it was "because [he] wanted to leave it open to interpretation." Carolyn half-smiles with thinly veiled amusement. Trump asks them what they thought of the Solstice. Chris says he's buying one. "'Desire' was the first word that came to me," Bren says. Alex says, "When I saw this back portion, I knew that was the car for me." Carolyn points out that everything they just said was sexier and more emotionally present than anything they put in the brochure. Bren, in particular, says "desire" but writes "blah blah blah brainchild of GM manager blah blah blah." "Everything that you put there in print is so boring," she says simply.
Carolyn asks Alex what he thought of the text, and Alex says he thought it was "terrible." Bren points out that Alex never said that before. Trump asks Alex whether the bad text means Bren is at fault more than Chris. Alex says that Chris is more at fault, because Chris saw the final text as well, and should have nixed it. Chris asks why Alex didn't fix it, if the "verbage [sic]" was so awful. He claims that Alex isn't taking responsibility for disliking the text but not saying anything. Trump asks Alex why he didn't say anything about the bad text, and Alex owns up to the fact that he "took a nap" from about 5:15 AM to 6:50 AM. "Saying that you had a nap is probably not a positive thing," Carolyn says sarcastically. Trump asks him why he was napping. Alex starts to answer, but no answer is shown. Honestly, sleeping for an hour and a half doesn't strike me as the most tragically awful thing you can do when you don't even leave the office to do it, but I realize Trump is going for a theme here, and it's not "Make Sure You Get Adequate Sleep."
Chris is asked why they failed at the task, and mentions "the writing." Bren jumps in to complain again about the fact that Chris never objected to anything about the text while Bren was writing it. George doesn't really think it's about the text -- he says that ultimately, it's about decent color and pictures. In addition to the blurry picture, he hates the gray-car, gray-building look.
Trump says to Chris that he finds it rather interesting that anybody could lose six times (before now) and not be fired. Chris insists that the losses have been "the most insane experience" he's ever had. He seems like he's getting...all sniffly again. Trump points out that Chris has always been lucky that someone else has been worse. Chris seems very concerned at this point, as Trump goes to George for an opinion, right in front of the candidates. George says he would fire Chris, and Trump goes to Carolyn. She says that Chris has seven straight losses, and she also thinks he "could have stopped this disaster." So she would fire Chris, too. Wow, did it with the candidates present this time. Interesting choice. ["The episode seemed to be running short, too, so I'm not clear on why that happened. Seems like they would have tried to stretch it a little by sending them out and then back in, but no." -- Sars]
Trump says that he thinks Bren's writing was very bad, and he thinks Bren is better than that writing was. He thinks Alex saw that it was bad and did nothing. "You were sleeping," Trump nearly snorts. But then Trump moves to Chris, saying that Chris was the leader of the team, and the team was horrible. So Chris is...fired. The candidates get up and leave. And then you realize that Chris...is totally crying. Totally. In the "boo hoo hoo" sense. So Trump stops him. Chris turns back. Trump tells him he has two things to say. He even drags him over to the Trump side of the conference table so he can talk to him like a kid. Trump tells Chris first that he has to be careful about his temper -- advice I'm sure we all now wish Chris had followed. And second? Get off the tobacco. Trump makes him promise, which Chris does, because for whatever reason, the only thing Chris wants in the world is for Donald Trump to like him. Trump shakes his hand and tells Chris he'll be a big success, as Chris continues to cry. And then, finally, Chris leaves. Out in the lobby, Chris hugs his buds and prepares to go, at last. "It's all good," Chris says through his snorfles. That again! Finally, he gets on the down elevator. Back in the Boardroom, Trump says, "See, I think he's a good kid." Carolyn smiles ruefully and says, "He's a great kid." He is? Why? When was he great? Bleh. Trump says again that it was "time" for Chris to go, despite being "a good kid." A good kid who yells a lot, that is.
Chris gets into his taxi.
In his interview, Chris says that he wants to thank Trump, George, and Carolyn. And then he talks about how much he loves the guys from his team. And he thanks Trump again. Not a lot of purpose left in thanking Trump, there, Chris. It's over.
week: Last five. Stress! Tension! Conflict! More fighting! "Young lady"! Lying! They promise that "things are getting good."