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Dave & Connor are still in it despite Dave's injured leg, and they lead the way to Bali, Indonesia. The teams end up spread out over three flights into the country, where they start out by having to rely on a monkey to open a clue-containing coconut for them. This leads them to a Detour in which they either have to construct an elaborate religious offering out of fruit or other materials, or dredge the bottom of a river for sand to deliver to a brick-maker. Almost everyone opts for the former task, except for the derby moms and the hockey brothers, because they're sports-hardened bad-asses. Except Bates & Anthony, who are already falling behind as a result of being on the last flight and having the one bad cabdriver in Bali, go with the fruit construction anyway because their driver knows where that one is.
Meanwhile, John & Jessica, determined to make the most of their Express Pass, go to the wrong address for the fruit Detour and end up assisting some local resident with a small craft project before realizing their mistake and figuring out where they're supposed to be. By this time, other teams are finishing the Detour and proceeding to the Roadblock. This is set on and around cliffs overlooking a beach, where the racers are instructed to hunt through racks of surfboards to find one with an image of something that everyone on the race has already encountered. And they're on their own to figure out that it's the priest who blessed them in Bora Bora. Winnie and Pam, who have been in the lead much of this leg, stay in first place -- until Connor peeks at Winnie's board while she's hunting for Phil, allowing him to pick the right board. And thus Connor and his dad, who is still on crutches, win their second leg in a row. Winnie and Pam come in a close second, so that win they were hoping for this leg is going to have to wait at least a little longer. And Max & Katie claw their way to the front of the pack and come in third.
Further back, things are not going smoothly. Jessica & John, frustrated with the fruit tower, decide to switch Detours, figuring they can use their Express Pass if necessary. What they don't know is that the derby moms, Mona & Beth, have already been and gone, so Team JJ hang around and complete the task, unaware that they've fallen to last place in the process. Caroline has some trouble with the surfboard task, to the point where she collapses in tears on this, the fourth day of the leg, but she manages to pick the correct board at random in time for her and Jennifer to become team number four.
Despite having gone to the wrong beach at first, Joey & Meghan are team number five. At the mat, Joey shows Mona the board she's supposed to be looking for, helping her to beat the totally lost Chuck and Bates to the mat. She and Beth come in sixth, but Chuck has the wrong board and has to go back, meaning Bates & Anthony come in seventh. By the time John shows up to do the Roadblock, Chuck is almost finished, though John thinks there's another team behind them even when Team Mullet checks in as team number eight. But he remains dogged and determined, trying unsuccessfully to get Phil to let him take a look at the boards already turned in and searching well into the evening, only to face Philimination with the Express Pass still in his pocket. After this historic first, and after John's cheerful speech about having no regrets, Phil speaks for all of us: "Oy vey." Including, I am sure, Jessica.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!After last week's "To Be Continued" revelation that the third leg's Pit Stop was actually a Pit Keep Going, we come back with a replay of the moment when Phil handed Dave & Connor their clue. There's no discussion of quitting this time, however; instead, we cut right to Dave and Connor both excitedly saying, "We're going to Bali!" Phil narrates that they'll be flying more than 4,000 miles, and then they'll go to the Monkey Forest, "where a monkey will reveal their clue." Back on the mat, Dave & Connor get themselves organized, and Phil notices that Dave doesn't appear to be giving up. Dave affirms that he can't. He interviews that his leg's getting more and more painful and it's not how he pictured running the race, but they have a first place under their belts and he's good for another leg. Of the race, that is. Driving away from the Pit Keep Going, Connor remarks that getting another win would really make the other teams look bad. I don't know, using the Express Pass that Jessica & John gave them actually made Team JJ look good. And that takes some doing.
Speaking of whom, Jessica & John are the second team to check in, unsurprisingly, and they seem unfazed by the fresh clue. In a pre-leg interview. John says the following words: "I want to make sure that we play this game strategically smart and that we extract as much value out of our Express Pass as we possibly can." File that away for now.
Bates & Anthony are on the mat together with Pam & Winnie, in third and fourth place respectively. Winnie takes the new clue hardest out of the three of them. Joey & Meghan check in in fifth place and Meghan looks pretty exhausted. She was the one to do the Roadblock after all, not that we ever saw it happen. Caroline and Jennifer are sixth, then Mona & Beth and Max & Katie are seventh and eighth, and they are all still racing. So who does that leave? Well, Chuck seemed to be doing well at the Roadblock when we left off last week, but I guess they must have gotten lost on the way to the Pit Keep Going, because they aren't there yet. In the backseat of the car that Chuck is driving, Wynona says she'll take anything but last at this point. So what she's going to do with last place remains to be seen.
Max & Katie go into the lodge at Terrace Downs to get directions to a travel agency, and then borrow a phone to call that travel agency to book flights on the flight to Bali, which lands at 8:30 AM. They'll need to pick up their tickets there, which means they're either way ahead of the game or they've just forced themselves to go dangerously out of their way. And the soundtrack appears to think it's the latter. Don't jump to conclusions, soundtrack.
Chuck & Wynona are told that they are the last team to arrive, but they are still racing. They both half-collapse in relief, leaving Phil hanging while he holds the clue out to them. Driving away, they manage to make the best of their disappointment at being in last place. I would have thought that not being eliminated would help with that.
Dave & Connor are at a travel office. It's hard to tell if they're in the airport or at a mall, but either way they're also getting seats on that flight landing at 8:30 the morning. Pam & Winnie go straight to the terminal and borrow the computer at a luggage store to get on the Internet and book seats on the same flight. The cashier is only too happy to help them out. She must not get much legitimate business. Either that or buying tickets online goes a lot faster in New Zealand than it does here.
Joey & Meghan catch up with Jessica & John at the terminal and they decide to go off in search of a travel agency together. Mona & Beth end up at a place marked "Emirates Reservations & Ticketing," which turns out to be a dead end, as the guy behind the counter pleasantly tells them that their best bet is a travel agent or indeed anywhere else at all that isn't in front of him. Bates & Anthony find them still standing there, which is how they learn they should have gone to a travel agent as well. Caroline and Jennifer have found one of those establishments in a strip mall and the agent gets to work. When Max & Katie show up at the same place -- which must not be all that far out of the way after all -- the country singers tell the newlyweds that they've already done the legwork, so they should just get the same thing. Which Max & Katie do and then rush out. Joey & Meghan seem to be in a different branch (or maybe just a different desk) of the same agency, which is where Jessica & John find them. Team YouTube explains in an interview their "simple" alliance with Team JJ and the derby moms, apparently unaware of Team JJ's preexisting alliance with three other teams. When the derby moms show up, Jessica helpfully asks if Mona & Beth they can get on the same flight. The agent says that seems unlikely, but he'll try to get them the same arrival time. Meanwhile, Chuck & Wynona are having more bad booking luck, as someone sells them a route that goes through Sydney and Kuala Lumpur and gets to Bali at 12:05 PM. But then Bates & Anthony get the same deal, so Team Mullet might not be totally screwed -- assuming Wynona can keep up with two professional hockey players, that is. Okay, they're screwed.
As the first plane lifts off, Phil tells us that all teams are now flying to Bali, Indonesia, without ever getting to tell us a fascinating fact about Christchurch. Doesn't seem fair. Just to recap: Max & Katie, Dave & Connor, Caroline & Jennifer and Pam & Winnie are all flying through Perth and scheduled to land at 8:35 PM. Bates & Anthony and Chuck & Wynona are going to have to backtrack from Kuala Lumpur and land in Bali at 12:05 PM, but Mona & Beth are with them as well. That leaves Joey & Meghan and John & Jessica on another flight through Singapore and it's also scheduled to reach Bali at 12:05. So maybe 12:05 isn't such a disastrous arrival time after all. Except that while transferring in Singapore, Team JJ and Team YouTube find themselves a flight that lands in Bali at 10:35, so that'll put them significantly ahead of three other teams. Assuming they don't do anything stupid to screw that up, that is.
Some establishing shots of locals participating in various rituals welcome us to Bali, Indonesia. The four teams on the first flight rush through the airport (Dave & Connor taking advantage of a borrowed wheelchair again) and jump into cabs. Pam & Winnie take off in the lead cab, seeming to think they're due for a win, which is always how it works. Max -- somewhere behind them in the third-place taxi (with the hockey brothers in second) -- reads to Katie from the clue that they'll need to choose a coconut and give it to a monkey who will show them their clue. Caroline and Jennifer's taxi driver hands them a little flower for Jenifer to put in her hair, and they "thank" him by singing him a little country song about how they're going to win the Amazing Race. Ugh, I bet the only thing foreign cab drivers hate more than Americans is Americans who harmonize.
Pam & Winnie are arriving at the monkey forest. Pam's looking forward to her monkey encounter, but Winnie says, "He better not, like, poo on our face." I don't think that happens, Winnie. I believe monkeys prefer to fling their poo at your face. It doesn't require you to hold still for as long. Dave & Connor, then the country singers and then Max & Katie take leave of their drivers in the parking lot for now. They run down the paved path, some with their luggage, some not. They're having varying reactions to the monkeys, from low-level fear to someone asking if she can hold them. Personally, I fear the person who wants to hold a monkey. Winnie sets a coconut down in the middle of the paved path and backs away to await a simian's approach. Max, however, isn't having much luck trying to hand one to a monkey like he's tipping a bellhop. Caroline squees, "Oh, my gosh, they look like little people!" She interviews about all the different animals she's had as pets, including many in the rodent family. Jennifer shares that Caroline's flying squirrel died of loneliness because she kept it in her bra. The camera, the editors and a viewing audience of millions wait for Caroline to deny this, and she... doesn't. The fact that this is not the weirdest or most embarrassing thing that happens this episode should be a hint as to how things are going to progress.
So now it's a matter of each team waiting for a monkey to get bold enough to approach a coconut, which is further complicated by passing tourists. One of them starts gnawing at the shell of Dave & Connor's nut and eventually gets inside. Of course, the ape has no interest in handing over a clue and is just enjoying a snack, so they wait until he's done eating and abandons the empty shell. When he does, a ranger in a green shirt and sarong retrieves the spent coconut. Inside is a little metal tube and don't ask me how they got it inside the coconut in the first place. It turns out to contain a rolled-up slip of paper with their clue, a Detour. Cut to Phil standing in a temple courtyard while wearing a shirt and sarong of his own, explaining that "this Detour requires teams to work with two natural resources that are an essential part of life in Bali." The choice is "Sandy Bottom" or "Fruity Top." Seriously? Oh, my God, I can hear Joey's shrill laughter already.
For "Sandy Bottom," the teams will have to wade into the middle of the Ayung River, and let me tell you right now that if you ever try to use Google Maps to try to locate and check the spelling of a single river in Bali, make sure you empty your bladder first; the whole island looks like a drunk Vulcan's eyeball. As for the racers, they'll have to do something only slightly more difficult: fill baskets with sand from the river bottom, which they will have to carry 200 yards uphill on their heads to the local brick-maker. And it's going to take more than one trip, because they'll have to fill a large container with the stuff. For "Fruity Top," they'll have to construct an almost vertical stack of fruit in a low basket and top it with a little decoration to make what Phil calls "a religious offering known as a [something that Google Maps is even less helpful with spelling-wise]." This item will then have to be carried in a procession to a temple to be blessed by a priest, who will hand them their clue. Obviously Dave & Connor are doing Fruity Top, because Dave's in no condition to be wading into any rivers, let alone climb their banks while using both hands to balance pounds of sand on his head. That foot would snap right off.
The other two teams are waiting as patiently as they can for their monkeys to mutilate their coconuts already. "Eat faster," Pam says softly. Max remarks how his monkey is scratching its butt and taking a drink, much like himself in the morning. The ranger gets his and Katie's tube out for them, and they decide on Fruity Top. Pam & Winnie make the same choice and so do Caroline and Jennifer, saying they love everything to do with priests and religion. They know this isn't a Christian thing, right?
The second flight lands, with both teams in a good mood. Jessica & John leave the airport in fifth place, John feeling flush with his Express Pass. Joey & Meghan are feeling good about the alliance that helped them get here sooner. I appreciate optimism. Usually.
Dave & Connor are the first to reach the courtyard where the Fruity Top task begins, but other teams are not far behind. They are all provided with the required sarongs to tie on over their clothes, and they go over to where the example is standing to give it a close examination. Pam whispers to Winnie that they only need to count the number of fruit around the base, and interviews that she knew how to figure this out, as a professional set designer. Which is one of those skills you'd never think would be useful on the Amazing Race until someone who has them shows up. She and Winnie find an area with the baskets of the required supplies, and along with everyone else, they begin toting armloads of fruit over to their separate work areas. As they get started, it becomes apparent that the fruit isn't so much stacked as pinned to a central post with long sticks. Which is both good (because I was wondering how they were going to keep the fruit from collapsing) and bad (because one never grows weary of watching fruit-piles collapse on this show).
Jessica & John are nervously watching their monkey carry their coconut to a high tree branch, while Joey does a real-time performance of and Meghan's monkey's inner monologue like a poorly executed LOLcats bit. Finally, the last fight lands at the Bali airport, where Bates & Anthony get a cab in seventh place, Mona & Beth eighth and Chuck & Wynona ninth, all trying to remain optimistic for their own various reasons.
The monkey up in the tree conveniently drops Jessica & John's clue-tube down on the path when he's done, so they're able to get it themselves without the help of a ranger. They're also going for "Fruity Top." A ranger retrieves Joey & Meghan's clue from the puddle of coconut water their monkey left it marinating in, and in the course of choosing their Detour option, Joey manages to say "Fruity Top" not once, but twice with a straight face. They're now in sixth. Bates & Anthony's driver tells them they're five minutes away from the monkey forest, but Team Mullet and the derby moms are already there. As those two teams get to work with the coconuts and the monkeys in a splitscreen, Bates & Anthony have a growing suspicion that their driver doesn't know where he's going. A suspicion that is confirmed when he gets out to ask directions and fully solidified when we go to commercial.
After the ads, Bates & Anthony get their own directions from another local, while their driver is on his cell phone accomplishing nothing. Up ahead, at the monkey forest, Mona & Beth are trying to coax their monkey to actually eat the damn coconut, but he seems to be more in the mood to bare his teeth than use them. Chuck & Wynona are having better luck with a big old alpha ape, but not good enough to put them in fifth place, like the subtitles suddenly seem to think they are (they're actually in seventh). Wynona thinks "Fruity Top" will be more in line with Chuck's taxidermy skills. Mona & Beth get their clue in eighth (not sixth, as the subtitles indicate), and Beth decides they're good at grunt work, so they're going with Sandy Bottom. Derby girls, dude. It's not often you see an all-female team going with the more physically demanding Detour option for the sole reason that it's more physically demanding.
Over at Fruity Top, locals are laughing at the Americans' efforts to put together the fruit arrangement, as this show has spent so many years teaching us that locals are wont to do. Pam & Winnie have been so carefully trying to exactly match the example that they're a little surprised to look around and see the shoddy work being turned out by their fellow racers, with sticks poking out through the outsides of the fruit and so forth, making them look less like fruit towers than colorful, rampant porcupines. But Pam & Winnie get approval first, after putting the little wicker face up on top. They carefully start carrying it together. Max & Katie get a no, but Dave & Connor's is good enough and Connor starts carrying it by himself. It may be fine as a religious offering, but as a crutch it's for shit. Pam & Winnie carry their offering through the narrow doorway out of the courtyard, and for the trip to the temple, they place it... on a woman's head. Balancing it with one hand, she starts leading them and the procession down the street. Dave & Connor's procession is not far behind. I'm just wondering where they found so many processions-worth of people to participate in following pairs of Americans and their mostly piss-poor fruit towers down the street. Pam & Winnie's group reaches the temple, where there are tricked-out musicians and dancers performing some form of Balinese kabuki. A priest anoints their offering before they put it down on the altar (or "stage," as Winnie calls it, suggesting set design might run in this team), and they receive a blessing of their own. The clue they're handed is sending them to Uluwatu Surf Beach on the Bukit Peninsula to search for their clue. Dave & Connor are also amazed by the temple, and receive their clue in second place. Pam declared it the best cultural experience she's ever had. Being in first place probably helps with that.
In their cab to the Fruity Top Detour, John is talking about how he and Jessica (but especially he) are detail-oriented and they fully expect to see other teams still there. Joey & Meghan are hoping the same thing, although they don't know where they are. You're in Bali, Sunshine.
Max & Katie must have gotten approval for their offering, because they're soon following it down the street on a lady's head. Caroline & Jennifer also get a thumbs-up, just before Jessica & John's driver drops them off at the address in the clue. The latter team ducks through a narrow doorway into a courtyard, like all the other teams before them, but instead of a camera-ready craft area, they find themselves in a construction zone. But then they find a little shirtless guy busy with some flowers and other materials he's got laid out on the ground and they tell him that they'd like to build a traditional offering. Which, even if he spoke English, he'd have no idea what they were talking about. But John picks up a tiny little cardboard boat of flower petals -- about the size of a small order of fries -- and figures that's the example they'll have to emulate. Ooh, this is getting more embarrassing by the moment and their unwilling host more visibly tense. I can only imagine how I'd react if I were working on something at home and a couple of foreigners came barging in to tower over me with their backpacks the size of my entire body and announced they'd like to do what I'm doing.
Max & Katie get their clue sending them to the beach in third place, and then Caroline & Jennifer in fourth. As for Jessica & John, they're still doing the wrong task in the wrong location, but at least now the dude is going with it, helping them out and then straightening up to smile stiffly at the camera. Sometimes network television crews can be a calming presence, it seems. After they've put together this small offering, Jessica wonders what's . Looking at the clue, they notice belatedly that they were supposed to put on sarongs first as a sign of respect. Oddly enough, a pair is procured for them by some other dude and they step into them. While that's happening, John asks the person helping them to ask their original host if he's seen any other people "that look like us." Wait, is there another team this season that includes an insanely grinning version of Drago from Rocky IV? Told "not yet," they show that guy their clue and he directs them to house number 2, because that is not where they are right now. They run over with their sarongs, carrying their shoes. Now, all this has been intercut with footage of Jessica & John after the leg, explaining to the camera with entirely straight faces how well they thought they were doing. But this segment is capped off by John interviewing sheepishly, "Somebody's backyard." And yet, it's still not the weirdest or most embarrassing thing that happens in this episode. Okay, maybe it's still the weirdest. They eventually find Joey & Meghan already working at the "Fruity Top" task, and John tells Jessica that they need to get their game faces on. Presumably those are less red than the ones they're currently wearing.
Bates & Anthony finally reach the monkey forest and offer up a coconut. "That's the closest I've ever been to a monkey," says Bates, which is a surprising thing to hear from a hockey player. Unfortunately for them, their monkey disappears into the trees with the coconut they just gave it. They'd better hope there are extra coconuts.
Mona & Beth get to the river bank, happy to see no other cabs there waiting for other teams. They scramble down the step banks with primitive dirt steps cut into them, one of them slipping on the way. I can't believe OSHA approved this workplace. They find three local women shoulder-deep in the river, using plastic buckets to scoop sand up from the river bottom and dump it into the baskets on top of their heads. As you do.
Jessica and John are doing their best with the fruit-building, John saying it plays to his strengths of being anal-retentive. The chuckling locals who are watching seem to disagree. Joey compares this task to cosplay, which may mark the first time that word has been heard on The Amazing Race, and says they both love Legos as well. I suddenly feel the need to mention something that I haven't up until this point in the season, which is that both Joey & Meghan appear to be fully-grown adults. Chuck & Wynona are the to arrive and are glad to see other teams still there. As usual.
Now officially in last place, Bates & Anthony somehow manage to get their clue after all. They decide on "Sandy Bottom," but since their driver doesn't know where this particular one of Bali's 92,478,907,489,373 rivers are but does know how to find the address for "Fruity Top," they go with that one instead. Anthony's looking forward to putting a sarong on, not that I can understand him without subtitles. You know, I often find these guys a lot harder to hear than, say, the Globetrotters, but they don't get nearly as many subtitles.
Pam & Winnie make it to the beach -- or rather, a three-dimensional maze of shops and plazas clinging to the cliffs overlooking said beach -- and quickly find a clue box on a terrace overlooking the water. The Roadblock question inside asks, "Who's ready to get totally tubular and be worked in a way-gnarly challenge?" Over shots of surfers -- whom I can tell you right now the racers will not be joining -- Phil tells us that they'll have to go to a surf shop and find a board with a familiar image; namely the priest who blessed them in Bora Bora. There are stickers of similar size images on all the scores of boards standing outside the shop in racks, but the priest is the one they need, not that they know that yet. After finding a board with the correct decal on it, they'll have to carry it to the Pit Stop, picking up their partner along the way. And if they get the wrong board, they have to bring it back and try again. From to the mat, which is laid out on a wooden platform on a cliff overlooking the ocean, Phil reports that the last team to check in here may be eliminated. Winnie takes this one and goes off in search of the surfboard shop.
Dave & Connor are the to find the clue box, currently in second place. Connor's still hoping for another win so they can go get his dad's leg fixed, so obviously he's taking the Roadblock. He doesn't seem to understand that coming in last will free them up to do so. Still in his sarong from the fruit Detour, he asks a crowd of people if the surfboard shop is this way. They moan "yeah" like a crowd of extras from the other show I watch on Sunday nights.
Winnie seems to be cutting through a cave on the beach to some steps and a wooden catwalk in her ongoing quest for the surf shop. And the hell of it is, that's how she finds it. She stats riffling through the racks of boards, narrating that she's looking for something they've all seen, which logically eliminates any Roadblocks or Detours. At the waiting area, Pam is confident that Winnie's memory will serve her well. Sure enough, Winnie quickly finds the board with the priest on it. She carries it away, pointing Connor in the right direction toward the as they pass each other. Connor finds the shop and starts searching for the right board, looking for something he's seen before. The Amazing Cameraman picks out the correct one sticking out of the rack, while Connor continues searching obliviously and Luke from TAR14 has a PTSD flashback while watching at home. Max and Katie read the Roadblock clue in third place and Max volunteers to take it, as does Caroline when she and Jennifer show up.
Mona & Beth get their sand baskets as full as they can manage, then climb in their soaking wet clothes to the top of the hill to dump the contents into the bin. "It was really hard," Beth interviews. Note to self: along with derby girls, never mess with a Balinese river-sand harvester.
Jessica & John have a judge check their work and get shot down. "Instead of stressing out, let's view this as an opportunity," John suggests insufferably. They've fallen victim to the fruit-impaling trend, plus their offering is much narrower at the top than it's supposed to be. In fact, it's so bad that Jessica thinks they need to start over entirely. That's about where they are when Bates & Anthony show up, relieved to see other teams still there.
At the surf shop, Connor is still searching through the boards when Winnie comes back through with her board, looking for Phil. Connor asks her if she's got the right board. Holding it so the priest sticker is against her body and facing away from him, Winnie offers to let him come in second after her, if she tells him. He doesn't take the deal, because he's in second place already. And then, while she turns around looking for Phil, Connor sneaks a peek at her board and finds the right one almost as soon as she's gone. A bit shady, that. She's soon down on the beach, asking surfers if there's a beach further along. Max finds the right board almost immediately, referring to the image as "the priest that married me and Katie" and running off in search of Phil. While negotiating the staircases clinging to the cliffs, Connor spots an Amazing Arrow and finds Dave at the designated waiting area, then leads him to Phil, who is waiting at the mat with another shirtless local. I do hope the final memory test at the end of the race doesn't involve nipples. Phil asks Connor to show him the board and says, "Dave & Connor, that is correct and you are team number one!" So that makes two legs in a row that Dave has won on crutches, plus they get five thousand each. Phil declares it "nothing short of remarkable," and Dave gives all the credit to his teammate. "One leg at a time on one leg," Connor interviews. And occasionally peeking at other people's work.
Caroline has begun searching through the boards, while Winnie and now Max are still in search of the mat. Winnie spots Phil and the greeter on their platform at a distance, but has to get directions how to get there, because it's not exactly passable in any visible way. She's pointed up a set of stairs, where Pam is waiting for her at the spot where Connor picked up Dave and they head for the Pit Stop together. Katie hurries Max along as he meets up with her and for a moment it looks like it might be a footrace, but Pam & Winnie are already at the mat. They're team number two, not just because Connor peeked, but also because their poor navigational skills bit them in the ass again. On the other hand, Max & Katie are team number three, making this their best leg yet. In more ways than one, since I don't recall having to listen to any bickering from them this week either.
Jessica & John are getting a little more tense at the fruit task and the local women are watching them with increasing disapproval. Joey & Meghan get an okay and move on, while Jessica suggests using the Express Pass, saying they could be last right now. John says no and tries to take a stick from her. She holds onto it tight, not looking at him and he looks away, his ultra-positive attitude briefly dented. I would have preferred crushed, but dented works for now.
After the ads, Jessica and John make the remarkable decision to switch Detours. John toolishly lectures Jessica to slow down a minute, "because hasty hasn't worked for us so far." Yeah, except for how it's a race. Bates & Anthony see them leave, and as they're running back to the cab, Jessica asks John what their strategy is and if it involves an Express Pass. Clearly she thinks the answer should be yes. John says he's not thinking about that right now, but thinking "smart and steady." "Yeah," Jessica says impatiently. Thinking it doesn't make it so.
Chuck & Wynona get approval for their offering and are happy to no longer be in last place (which they actually haven't been for a while), as Bates & Anthony are still building theirs. Chuck interviews that they're hoping to get rid of the hockey brothers, whom they see as a threat. It would also help if they could get rid of their crappy travel luck, which I see as a much bigger threat.
Having delivered their offering, Joey & Meghan get their clue at the temple in fifth place. Caroline is having a little trouble at the surf shop, where she has decided that the right surfboard is the one with a Bali decal on it, because after all, every racer has encountered Bali. That's good enough for her and she goes off to look for her partner and Phil.
In their cab, John prepares Jessica for the fact that they'll need to make a decision about the Express Pass if they get to Sandy Bottom and the derby moms are already in progress. "I feel like that's a really good plan," Jessica says. In fact, we now see that the derby moms have already finished, in sixth place. They get their clue from the brick maker and tell their cab driver to take them to the beach. This is not in John's plan, I'm thinking.
Caroline is following the path to Jennifer and then Phil, audibly trying to talk herself into having picked the right board. "We have all encountered Bali," she repeats like it's a mantra. They show up at the mat and, unsurprisingly, Phil tells them they have the wrong board. They head back so she can search some more.
At the temple, Chuck & Wynona finish the Detour and get their clue in seventh place.
Jennifer's back in the waiting area, while Caroline is back searching and she's worried about her partner's understanding of the word "encountered" versus the word "seen." Looking out at the ocean, Caroline decides that they've all seen surfers, because after all there they are, and trots off with another wrong board, even as Team YouTube and Team Mullet are both closing in in their taxis. Caroline brings her board with a surfer on it to Jennifer, who asks doubtfully, "When have we encountered surfers?" Still, they head back to Phil as Caroline says she wishes Jennifer were doing this. I think that makes two of them. When Phil breaks the news that she has another wrong board, she breaks down in tears right there on the mat. Wow, after only two tries? As if by way of explanation, we cut to Beth saying in her cab with Mona that they've been on the same leg for four days: "This has got to be the longest leg in the history of the race." Joey & Meghan, who have been looking around the beach for the surf shop, ask a local if they're at Ulata, and a beachgoer tells them they're at Padang Padang. Oh, Padang it. Caroline sits down at the waiting area to have a cry, even as Beth says in their cab, "There's no crying in the Amazing Race." What? What Amazing Race has she been watching?
After the ads, Caroline returns to the surf shop and finds a board that's in a stack rather than a rack and announces, "I'm just going with this guy." Meanwhile, Meghan and Joey are on foot, running uphill to the beach. Chuck & Wynona see them as they pass in their cab (they are hard to miss, with all the hot pink Meghan's rocking today) and get to the beach in fifth place -- for real, this time. Wynona nominates Chuck, again and Joey takes this one for Team YouTube. "Looks like I'm going surfing!" he sings out, incorrectly. Caroline shrugs to Jennifer that she has a surfboard with "some guy," and presents it to Phil. We still haven't seen what's on it, until Phil asks her, "You have no idea what that is?" She doesn't, and Phil reminds them about getting the blessing from a priest. Now they remember. "I'm really happy to tell you that you have the correct surfboard and you are now officially team number four." I totally believe him, too.
Jessica & John arrive at Sandy Bottom, Jessica saying they need to decide on the Express Pass now and John convinced they can do this. He feels much better about this option. Even better than the one he originally thought was perfect for them?
Meanwhile, Bates & Anthony finish their Detour and get their clue in eighth place, putting Team JJ officially in last... not that they know it yet. The hockey brothers hurry off to the beach, hoping that Jessica & John are still at Sandy Bottom. Which, of course, they are.
It's been a long day, because the sun is getting low over the ocean when Mona & Beth arrive at the Roadblock. Chuck has found a surfboard featuring a picture of a woman with a fruit basket, thinking it applies to the Detour he just completed. Which, as Winnie already realized earlier, should rule it out. Joey sees one board spattered in red and quips, "We've encountered blood, many times," but puts it back. Chuck is wandering around the stairways and pathways looking for Wynona, who is in the waiting area higher on the cliff. She says he's lost but she saw his head. Is she sure it was his? I'm not sure his haircut is distinctive enough.
At the river, John is still saying, "Slow and steady" as he and Jessica decide their baskets are full enough, and they heave them on their heads up to the brick-maker. Meanwhile, the team they currently have the best chance of catching, Bates & Anthony, are already at the beach with their Roadblock clue. Bates gets to the surf shop just as Joey is saying, "Pretty sure I've met this guy before." He takes off with a board we didn't get a good look at, and Mona carries off another. Bates picks out one with the priest on it, examines it closely and... puts it back. Oops.
Meanwhile, Chuck is turning the search for Phil into an orienteering expedition, crawling through crevasses and running through the surf where the cliffs reach the water, while Wynona at her higher vantage point painfully watches him scamper around below, willing him to look up. It's also painful to watch Bates pick out a mint-green board. We can't see what's on it, but all the other correct boards have been white (because: racism). As for Joey, when he and Meghan reach the mat it turns out that he did come up with a correct board, and they're team number five. Mona & Beth are there on the mat with them and Mona turns her board around, asking if they can go back when it turns out to be wrong. Phil says that indeed they can and as they run back to the surf shop, Joey calls out to Mona to show her the priest on their board. And then they interview some more about how great their alliance is.
It's not doing much for its originators, though. Jessica & John finish the Detour and are pretty happy about it, considering they're in a distant last and the heavy, wet basket has made John's normally vertical hair totally flat. They hurry back to the taxi, John probably oblivious to both of those facts.
At the beach, Bates is still carrying his green surfboard around in search of Phil. He encounters Mona carrying her board back and they don't say a word to each other, after which Bates finds another wrong path on his own. Mona encounters Chuck, who asks what she did wrong. Mona keeps mum with him as well. Up at the waiting area, Beth, Wynona and Anthony wonder who's missing, and Anthony tells them about Team JJ switching Detours and how nobody has seen them since. It's coming on evening as John tells us (and Jessica) that he thinks they're in second-to-last place, but even if they're in last, they still have their Express Pass. Jessica looks like she's almost entirely over him, but they're pretty excited to see that this is a surf-related challenge, so John takes this one, because of how they are surfers -- which may actually contribute to what's about to happen.
Chuck is following Mona with her mysteriously missing pant leg up the correct path now, and Bates is still wandering around lost, entirely weary of stairs as, like, an entire concept. Mona looks thoroughly whacked by the time she and Beth make it back to Phil with the right board (even though the color of the board is different from the other correct ones, which makes me wonder about Bates's) and they're team number six. They're still hugging when Chuck & Wynona show up, with what is still the wrong board. Phil sends them back to try again. "Didn't want to tell them what board it was?" Phil asks the derby moms, who manage to pant out a no. Paying it forward only applies to people in one's alliance.
John is now crossing that crevice of beach, cheerfully talking about his quest for "a board with something special on it." Bates and Anthony show up at the mat and turn out to have the right board after all, so they are team number seven. That leaves only Team Mullet and Team JJ. At the waiting areas, Wynona tells Jessica that they're the last two teams and Jessica mentions their Express Pass. Which does not work retroactively, it should be noted. John narrates his search for the right board, and Chuck just grabs another one and goes. He and Wynona leave the waiting area and Jessica is left standing there alone, physically ill at the possibility that they might be Philiminated. Sure enough, Chuck has the correct board this time, and he and Wynona are officially team number eight. Jessica almost certainly can't hear them from where she is, but she can see Chuck not running back and realizes that they're going to be the last team to check in. For all the good this realization does her.
And then the sun literally goes down while she continues to wait for John. Eventually he returns to her in the dark, winded and empty-handed, saying he wants to go down to the Pit Stop to look at the other boards, since he didn't find anything at the shop. "I want to be smart," he explains. A bit late for that, Sparky. "I believe there's one other person here," he says, with no possible evidence for that assertion whatsoever. While Phil and the greeter watch from down at the mat, wondering what the hell is going on with him already, Jessica says that everyone has already checked in. "Oh, well, that's obviously disappointing," John says, totally undeterred and goes back to the shop. Jessica says she doesn't really understand his technique, but guesses maybe he figures that it's not over till it's over. Yeah, if there was just a Pit Keep Going at the end of the leg, I'm pretty sure it's over. Eventually, using his headlamp, John finds a board that has a sticker of what he calls "beach culture." It's almost full dark when he gets to the platform with it and Jessica, and Phil tells him it's not correct. "I want to look at these boards," John says, making a move toward the rack of boards behind the greeter that have already been turned in. "You're not allowed to look at those boards," Phil tells him flatly. I'm kind of curious what would happen if John forced the issue. Like, is the greeter also Phil's muscle? Fortunately, it doesn't come to that. John returns to the search, and Jessica talks about how they never even got to use their Express Pass. Oh, you got to, you just didn't. Back at the shop, John says, "I don't understand how utilizing the Express Pass would benefit me at this point." Not at this point, no.
As an onscreen graphic informs us that it's been an hour and fifteen minutes, he finally finds a board with the priest on it and says, "This might be worth delivering." He shows up at the mat, cheerfully saying, "Phil, old buddy old pal!" Phil says the board is correct, and John has the nerve to high-five Jessica, saying they can be proud of completing this leg. Uh, okay. I guess there are two other teams still in the race who never did complete the first leg, so that's something. On the other hand, a different team has completed two legs with three operational feet between them, so there's that. Phil tells them they're the last team to arrive, and John grins like an idiot even as Phil tells them they've been eliminated. "Nothing we can do about that!" John chirps, his smile barely fading. Phil points out that they're the first team to have been eliminated with an Express Pass on the mat. "I guess that's notable," John allows, but says he sees no point in looking back and regretting decisions he can no longer control. "Really?" Phil asks in mild surprise, sounding for all the world like that guy in the commercials who does focus groups with kindergartners. "The simple truth is I don't need a million dollars," John blusters, which I don't remember him ever having said before. Jessica is less sanguine, saying that they made a huge mistake that it's going to be hard to get over. "I'm feeling just a big huge letdown," she says. And John leads her away for the walk of shame, not that he's feeling any at all. And then Phil shrugs directly at the camera, letting out a puzzled -- and now semi-famous -- "Oy vey." Indeed, Phil. Indeed. The good news is that I think Jessica is very likely to stop agitating for a marriage proposal from John now.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.
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