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Normally everyone flies to the country together, but this week all four remaining teams take separate flights to Barcelona, Spain. Not that it matters, because they all end up on the same overnight ferry to the island of Mallorca. Yes, even Josh & Brent. And everyone is soooo happy to see each other, and not Ryan & Abbie. But the Chippendales, Team Austin, and the twins are all racing together now, although Natalie & Nadiya get left behind early on due to their inability to drive stick. Yes, the teams are actually driving themselves to places this leg, for the first time this entire race. Which one of them actually refers to as "a whole new ballgame."
After claiming a clue from a mob of fire-slinging demons acting up around a cathedral, the teams head to a sports complex, where they have to take on a serving machine on a clay tennis court. Tennis player Trey aces the Detour, with James not far behind. From there, they have to collect their clue from two musicians playing guitars in a cave. Their plans to proceed to the fake bullfighting side of the Detour together go awry, though, when Jaymes & James take a "wrong" turn and end up at the other option, where they successfully attach two giant blades to a 400-year-old windmill. Meanwhile, Trey & Lexi's first attempt at the bullfighting Roadblock also goes awry when, after Trey gives Lexi directions through an obstacle course of cape-holding matadors, he crashes her into the final target and she hurts her finger badly enough to make her cry. Jaymes & James complete the windmill task with no such difficulties, but they're not quite fast enough to beat Trey and Lexi to the Pit Stop, where one of the freakiest greeters ever welcomes them to Mallorca.
The Roadblock evens things out a bit for the trailing pair of teams; the ankle Josh hurt during the leg prevents him from easily completing the task and Nadiya just plain sucks at tennis, but not badly enough to end up passing Josh before he digs deep and succeeds. And then the twins get lost again, meaning they're the last to reach the windmill Detour. Which Josh & Brent complete smoothly and efficiently while the twins get all Laurel & Hardy again all up in this piece. Nobody is more surprised than Josh that he and Brent end up as team number three, and when the twins reach the mat in last place, Phil tells them it's a non-elimination leg. So they'll be back for at least the first leg of week's two-hour finale, which could actually be anyone's game. Well, except Josh & Brent's, probably.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Phil informs us, "Amsterdam is the capital of the Netherlands and has been nicknamed the Venice of the North for its extensive canals." Yup... there they are, all right. Unlike Venice's canals, however, they appear to be behaving themselves. Of course, Phil isn't even in Amsterdam right now, but a 16th century farmhouse on the outskirts of the city, "rumored to be the home of Rembrandt's mistress." Clearly Phil wasn't hired for his discretion. "It is now the start of the tenth leg in a race around the world." It's the last quarter, y'all. I'm getting pretty familiar with last quarters, since that's usually what CBS is broadcasting when I turn it on at the time 60 Minutes is supposed to start.
So Natalie & Nadiya, who won the leg, are the first to leave at 2:55 AM. Yikes, that'll teach you to get in hours ahead of everyone else. The other three teams are all still sleeping, you chumps. One of the twins struggles with the name of an island off Spain, but Phil steps in to explain that they'll now be flying to Barcelona, "Famous for its extensive Catalan art nouveau architecture." Right, that's what I always think of. Not the Olympics or Mission: Impossible 2. But they won't be staying there long; they'll catch an overnight ferry to the island of Mallorca, the place one of the twins couldn't pronounce. "Once there, they'll encounter a traditional Mallorcan spectacle," Phil understates, over shots of people in demon costumes cavorting noisily around a cathedral and literally playing with fire. "One of these devils has their clue." Will the racers need to exchange their souls for it? As the twins head for what is presumably Ransdorp's all-night taxi stand, we hear them interview about how they deserve to be in the top three. "Our main goal was not to get kicked out first and now we've come so far." Mainly they want to hold onto their lead and make it to the final leg, which is only two legs away. We see them arriving at the airport and not only book tickets, but actually get on a 6:00 AM flight before the other teams even start the leg, when normally they'd have to wait around the terminal for twelve to eighteen hours until the flight, giving all the other teams plenty of time to catch up. Okay, I take back what I said about them being chumps.
Jaymes & James start the leg before the twins' official departure time, but just barely; 5:57 AM, by which time the sun has risen. Jaymes talks about how in the leg they U-Turned their "friends, "Abbie & Ryan, but they don't yet know if they went home. They seem to know someone did though, because James wonders who the fourth team is going to be. They're worried about an awkward moment that isn't going to happen until the first cast reunion. And it's not like this show's even on Bravo.
Trey & Lexi are beginning the leg in third place, and they're feeling pretty good, confident and ready for anything... which means they're probably about due for a good hard screwing.
At the airport, the Chippendales get tickets on a 7:20 flight to Barcelona. They're feeling good about their chances of making it to the final three. Indeed, they do seem to have gotten a better sense of how to actually race than they had in the first half of the season. And then Trey & Lexi arrive at the airport and board a 7:55 flight to Barcelona. This is the worst early-leg airport bunching ever, as Amazing Yellow, Green and Blue lines head south across Europe while Phil narrates, "The first three teams are now all making their way to Barcelona, Spain." Where some Amazing Editing of the city's narrow streets and spectacular sea views accompany some Amazing Flamenco Guitar on the soundtrack. Natalie and Nadiya are the first to land, and they immediately class the place up by saying, "Let's do it, beyotch." They take a taxi to the ferry terminal, which they reach at 9:00 AM and learn that the ticket window opens at 10:00 AM. Ah, here comes the bunch.
Back in Ransdorp, Josh & Brent are starting their leg at 9:38 AM. "We have been playing catch-up for the last three legs," Josh interviews. "Can you believe we're one of the last four teams?" Not really. In fact, in a normal season they probably would have been gone several legs ago. Brent says they've had good luck, bad luck and dumb luck, but Josh says they have to be doing something right... though he doesn't know what it is. Racing against people with all bad luck? That's my theory. Josh says it's tough to not see any other people racing, which I never thought about, but it must be demoralizing. Like retracing a past Amazing Race season while watching it on DVDs or something. Josh limps out of the taxi van at the airport as Brent narrates that Josh hurt himself in the leg while running to the ditch-vaulting Roadblock, as we see in a black-and-white flashback. Which is so much more embarrassing than just hurting your foot actually ditch-vaulting. It's like coming home from a skiing trip with a cast on your leg and having to tell everyone you fell down the stairs. In the terminal, Josh shows off his bandaged, swollen ankle and Brent decides to become his Lamaze coach, demonstrating how to breathe through the pain and everything. Josh interviews that there's always one team that somehow makes to the end even as everyone wonders why. "Rarely do they win, but occasionally they have." At least this team is on a plane now.
At the ferry terminal, the Chippendales and the twins have a joyous reunion in the doorway, so it's good nobody was trying to get in or out of the building. At the ticket window, Jaymes finds out that the boat to Mallorca leaves at 11:00 PM, so there's going to be a full bunch after all, even if it's after the flying happens. They get their tickets and start wandering around town as Jaymes says Barcelona is "a great city to get stuck in." Trey & Lexi meet them out on the street, and there's a whole other round of joyful reunions. Lexi talks about the triumph of the leg's U-Turn, and they decide to kill a few hours together playing on the beach and in the surf. Welcome to The Amazing Bunch Of Friends On A Backpacking Trip, everyone.
Later in the afternoon, they return to the ferry terminal to see Josh and Brent waiting. You won't believe this, but there's more hugging. Josh is the first one who stands up, bad foot and all, while the other teams happily swarm them. Josh says it's great to be with the other teams again. And finally, all the teams are back in it for the first time since Istanbul. Let's make a race out of this now, you idiots.
The ship casts off at night -- with the racers at the rail like it's The Love Boat -- and it arrives in Mallorca early the morning. We cut right to the teams on the street securing cabs, the goat farmers apparently in the lead. "Searching for Lucifer at seven o'clock in the morning, I don't know how I feel about that," Jaymes says in the back of his taxi with James. The rest of the teams are also on the move to the cathedral, which is apparently called Dalt Murada. Josh and Brent are actually the first team to arrive at a place by that name, but it's a museum and it's pretty quiet. There are no devils, demons, imps, incubi, succubae or other creatures of the underworld of any kind in sight. They ask a guy who works there if there's anything else in town by that name and he helpfully shows them on a map. The good news is that they don't seem too far off. Unless that's a very small-scale map.
The other three teams get to the right place on the first try. However ,the screaming, hollering, fire-slinging, in-your-face-getting demons swarming the steps of the cathedral are more than a little intimidating and there's no sign of a clue. They run through the crowd of terrifying figures until they find one brandishing a yellow envelope, which they collect and read while fireworks go off. I'm sure that would look more impressive at night, but it's plenty loud, at least. The clue tells them to drive themselves to Centro De Alto Rendimiento. For now, all I can say for sure about the place is that it looks like is includes an indoor tennis court and the clues are there. They run around back to where a fleet of product-placed Ford Foci are waiting for them. "Nadi, stick. You're driving," Natalie says, and Nadiya gamely responds, "Bloody hell." The three lead teams all climb into their cars and decide to stick together, finding directions on the way. Jaymes nominates Trey to take the lead. Watching this the first time, I'm 99% sure this is the first time these teams have had to drive themselves anywhere since leaving LAX. Which is pretty ridiculous, really. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them have forgotten how to drive a car.
After the lead group has driven away from the cathedral, Josh & Brent show up and belatedly wade into the crowd of screaming demons and get their clue, with all the attendant fireworks that even in daylight flare up on camera. The monsters get less scary after they've been helpful enough to provide a clue, and Brent even tries to hug one. Yeah, these may just be locals in costume, but they're staying in character and they do not hug. "Thank you, devils," they call out as they leave, tipping a friendly wave to the hellspawn chasing their car out of the lot.
On the road, Lexi tells Trey from the back seat that the twins are no longer behind them and wonders what became of them. Jaymes is wondering the same thing and James remarks, "This is definitely a whole different ballgame now, with self-navigating." That's simply an absurd thing to hear, ten legs in. "Sri Lanka's part of our one-two-three group," Jaymes frets, which is even more absurd when there are four teams left. The twins appear to still be back in the island's main town of Palma De Mallorca with their car motionless, as they wonder which way the others went. Natalie says Nadiya dropped the ball. "Should have taken extra driving lessons." In an interview, she explains that this was the plan and Nadiya claims she took one lesson and it seemed easy, but now their car is just lurching along the pavement as though she's pedaling it. The situation is serious enough to bring on a suspenseful commercial break, but after we come back, we see just a little more of their car holding up traffic and making terrible noises until she gets it moving properly. Though who knows how long that actually took. The Beekmans, however, seem to have been able to clear out of town, with Brent at the wheel. Josh says this was the first leg where they had to drive and read a map. Still ridiculous.
The Chippendales and Team Austin make to the sports complex, and on an indoor tennis court is a silver trophy cup with clues arranged in it. "Who wants to get smashed?" Trey reads from the Roadblock clue. I'd think they all would by this point, but Phil narrates, "Manacor is known as the hometown of world tennis great, Rafael Nadal, the King of Clay." After seeing an action photo of the man himself making a derp-face while swinging a racket, we witness Phil standing on a red clay court as his body mic picks up the sound of a whacked tennis ball jetting just feet past his head and he says, "Teams will now get a chance to test their skills on his clay court." Two for flinching, Phil. He explains that each racer will pick a tennis pro and a basket of balls and then hit twenty balls back from a high-powered serving machine -- in-bounds, mind you -- before their basket is empty. Not sure where the pro comes in, but Phil concludes, "If they can keep their shots in play, the umpire will hand them their clue." The two lead teams head outside to the clay courts and this Roadblock's going to Trey and James, while Jaymes and Lexi head up to the stands to watch. Turns out Trey is actually a tennis player, so he's feeling pretty confident about this one. The machine starts launching... and he starts missing. But there's a green tennis ball in the corner of the screen with his name over it and as he starts hitting balls back, the zero superimposed inside the ball changes to a 1, a 2 and a 3. He even looks like a tennis player out there, not least because of the ever-present bandana around his head, which the Chippendales remark on. James begins the challenge as well, but his start is slower, as he manages to hit back one ball and then go, "Man!" a lot as he misses most of the rest. Meanwhile, Trey finishes on his first try, so they've got their clue in first place, which Lexi is pretty happy about. Now they'll drive themselves to Coves de Campanet, which appears to be a labyrinthine limestone cave filled with spectacular stalactites and stalagmites. They'll need to follow the sound of music -- specifically, two guitarists playing deep inside the cave -- to their clue. Meanwhile, James has managed to hit back six of his balls before the server is empty, so it looks like he and Jaymes will have a little more time before they have to worry about that part.
Riding through the countryside, Josh is telling Brent that his foot is feeling much better, probably as a result of having it elevated while on the ferry all night. "So that's not an excuse, is what you're saying," Brent clarifies. His solicitousness is so touching. Meanwhile, Nadiya's foot is not doing a very good job of keeping their car moving and as a result they seem to still be in Palma de Mallorca. Was her driving lesson only in the classroom?
James successfully returns 20 balls on his second try and he gets a lot of cheering from Jaymes as well as their clue in second place. The goat farmers drive into the parking lot and are circling around as Jaymes tries to hurry James out of there, but not before telling Brent where to go in. Once the Chippendales are underway, Jaymes asks the last time James played tennis. "Uh, fifth grade," James says. "I am not a well-rounded athlete, if you haven't noticed." You mean a perfect Chippendale body doesn't automatically translate to athletic prowess? Good, now I feel better about not having one.
Behind them, Josh volunteers to get smashed. Uh-oh. As they head outside, Brent narrates, "Neither of us have played tennis in, like, the last twenty-five years," and he tells us that he's taking Josh at his word about his ankle being better. Brent tells Josh from the sidelines that he can do it, but Josh is only a few balls in before saying, "There's no way." Though not because of his ankle, but because of how fast they're coming at him. He manages to hit one back, but reinjures his ankle on that step. He interviews that he had briefly forgotten the injury until planting that foot hurt it all over again. That would be a rude reminder. He's soon struggling even harder, yelling in pain with each swing. "Sounds like Monica Seles out there on the court," Brent snarks. He goes on, getting all of four balls before the machine is empty, as Brent continues, "We've talked the entire race about how he needs to work on controlling his anxiety levels... of course, he hasn't gotten them under control after 42 years of life, so I don't know if he'll accomplish it on the race." Even with such a calming, supportive partner?
Trey & Lexi are in a town when they stop for directions. "Trey's headed towards the coves and we'll get there in no time," Lexi says confidently. All this confidence the editors are showing from them can't possibly bode well.
Josh is up to nine balls, even pulling off a nice backhand, but he runs out after his tenth. He sits down and says he doesn't think he'll ever get it. Brent quietly agrees. Well, it wouldn't be the first time this team guys failed a task, Brent.
The twins have arrived and Nadiya takes this one, since their identicalness extends to their tennis skills. "The twins are here now," Josh notices. "They're probably gonna power past." They certainly will if you don't get up, Sparky. Natalie joins Brent in the stands and Brent explains to her about Josh's ankle. But Natalie's confidence isn't exactly boosted when Nadiya yells up from the court, "Am I left-handed or right-handed?" "Right!" Natalie yells back. In fact, Nadiya doesn't do much better than Josh, hitting balls halfway into orbit. They interview about how their parents apparently stuck them in tennis lessons since age five and they were supposed to be the Venus and Serena Williams of Sri Lanka, but they got out of lessons by jumping in the pool in their clothes and then being forbidden to step on the clay court. Which must have seemed like a triumph at the time, but look at them now. Nadiya ends up with eight balls on her first try, which means she's worse at tennis than a 42-year-old man with a sprained ankle.
Well, except for how Josh still isn't getting up. Brent tells Josh he can do it. "I'm trying, Brent, I'm trying," Josh calls back, still without moving. Brent says they're not quitters, but Josh insists he can't push off his ankle. You're going to have better luck pushing off that than pushing off Brent, dude.
After the ads, Josh says this is tiring: "Hot sun, sprained ankle, 43 years, it's not easy. But I can either keep hitting those balls or I can drop." So he pushes himself to his feet, using his racket as a crutch and gets into position. He interviews, "I knew the pain was either gonna get bad enough that I would pass out or my foot would break off. That's the only way out." Or completing the task would work too, I imagine. Brent gives him some coaching during this third attempt and he's soon up to six balls. Nadiya's only at three, then four, as Natalie tells her to keep moving around the court rather than just waiting to hit the balls that come to where she's already standing. Josh keeps racking up hits, staying ahead of Nadiya, who Natalie observes to Brent is swinging her racket like a cricket bat. Indeed, if Rafael Nadal is the King of Clay, Nadiya is the Happy Gilmore. Josh manages to get his 20th ball in bounds and as he limps all gangly-like to the umpire's seat to collect his clue, he says he feels like he just won the Olympics. Brent hugs him briefly as they open their clue sending them to the coves and they leave, cheering the twins on. Nadiya swings her most recent ball into her highest arc yet, but it still lands in-bounds, due mainly to the lack of air traffic over this part of the island. They get their clue, "Currently in last place." And after starting the leg hours ahead of everyone else, too. In the parking lot, they run up to the car that the goat farmers are pulling out in and ask if they know where they're going. Brent says they'll have to ask for directions en route and drives off. Hurrying to their own car, the twins babble about how they have a map. "They're super prepared, they're gay!" one of them says. They probably shouldn't voice stereotypes like that. In fact, I don't understand why they need to speak at all, seeing as how twins can read each other's minds.
Team Austin and the Chippendales get to the caves at about the same time, and decide to enter all together, because it's The Amazing Tour Group now. They enter the caves and admire the scenery, listening for music as they wander the narrow, winding paths. Soon they find their way to the two guitarists, and Jaymes invites Trey and Lexi to open theirs first, since they were in the lead. The Amazing Editors didn't get that memo though, because the subtitle says the Chippendales are currently in first place and Team Austin in second as they read, "Spin It or Bull It." Cut to Phil on a high hilltop that spectacularly overlooks the Mediterranean as he says this is a choice "between two aspects of life on the island of Mallorca." For Spin It, they teams will have to "repair" a 400-year-old windmill, which actually just entails climbing the mill tower and attaching two lightweight blades to a wheel that already has more than a dozen in place. I'm pretty sure the blades themselves aren't that old. "When the repairman feels the blades are ready to spin, Don Quixote and Sancho Panza will hand them their clue." Yep, there are the two Cervantes characters, burro and all. I do like when the race gets literary, even though it usually seems wasted on most of the racers. For "Bull It," they'll go into a thousand-year-old bullfighting arena (which actually does look that old) "and become a bull." Better than killing one. Or, as seems more likely, vice versa. They'll have to put on a two-person bull costume and run an obstacle course consisting of bullfighters, moving past the capes of eight numbered matadors in the correct order before hitting a bulls-eye marked 9, which will slingshot a matador dummy into the air. And they'll have two minutes to do it, in which case "this picador" (actually a pouty kid with a lance who's slouching on a horse behind Phil) will give them their clue. Back in the caves, the two lead teams decide to go with the matador task on the basis that it sounds easier to find and leave the guitarists to their work, playing what I think was the same song that played over the b-roll of Barcelona earlier. They're no Rodrigo y Gabriela, but they're not bad.
Josh & Brent are negotiating a roundabout, with a little bickering. Brent snaps at Josh for his backseat driving and says, "Are you glad that's over?" Yes, Josh says meekly, though it's not clear whether he means the task, the roundabout or the verbal dressing-down he just got. Either way the answer's the same, I suppose.
Natalie and Nadiya are feeling far behind and lost. Again. And the Chippendales and Team Austin have a difference of opinion on the best way to get where they're going, with Jaymes & James taking the freeway and Trey & Lexi not. "I think those boys are going to have trouble since they went the other way," Trey predicts. Lexi agrees. But then the Chippendales spot an Amazing Arrow along the road and realize they're already at the windmill Detour. So what the hell, right? "It's a like a big, giant ceiling fan," Jaymes says. "Can't be that hard." Jinx much? They get out of their car and see a small army of hard-hatted repairmen waiting to Don Quixote and Sancho Panza. "His homeboy," James says, displaying an unexpected knowledge of Spanish literature. They have to put on harnesses, tool belts and hard-hats, which is probably not entirely unfamiliar to them. Sure enough, Jaymes interviews, "Working at Chippendales, we may have seen a construction outfit a time or two." James agrees that he may have even swung a Styrofoam hammer. Well, no wonder he's not a well-rounded athlete, then. Jaymes also says he's always enjoyed taking stuff apart and putting it back together, ever since childhood. Yes, I know what it's like to have a kid like that. Properly geared up, they climb the stairs to the building's roof, where Jaymes picks up one of the big metal or plastic wind vanes and holds it in position while James starts bolting. "This might have been the fun one after all," Jaymes says. That's a whole new paradigm for me; I've always thought of the dichotomy of Detours as being tortoise/hare, physical/mental, dignified/embarrassing and the like. Maybe I just need to start thinking of them as fun/not fun, which certainly seems to be keeping Jaymes happy. In fact, I vow to maintain this positive attitude, at least until we see the Detour that's not fun/not fun. I give that until week.
Team Austin gets to the bullfighting arena, where a brass band is playing a march, because the show hadn't put enough local musicians to work yet. Trey & Lexi run to the tunnel where the bull costumes are waiting and Lexi takes the front end while Trey occupies the rear, his head sticking out of the back just in front of the bull's tail so he can see in front of them and tell Lexi where to go. Because with that headpiece on, Lexi can't see a damn thing. They slowly circle the first eight matadors successfully with Trey shouting directions, right up until he tells her to "run into this guy" that represents the ninth target. There's still about 45 seconds on the clock in the background and somehow she misses the bulls-eye and they both crash right over the whole rig at top speed. "I just, like, sliced the crap out of my finger," she cries and they walk off while all the matadors and picadors and toreadors and what not stand around wondering if they're supposed to be treating this is an actual injury. I mean, they've seen dudes gored, you know? But coming back from the ads, Lexi's still crying like she's never been hut before, freaking out about her fingernail being blue. Walk it off, cheerleader.
Josh & Brent are in the caves, shushing each other and soon finding the musicians. They get the Detour clue in third place and decide to do Spin It. Where the Chippendales are at work, joking about how they like to do windmill repair in their downtime. "We're a full-service agency," James says. "Multidimensional," Jaymes agrees. They seem to have both their blades attached and after Jaymes asks the repairman, "Esta bien? (Is it good?)" they descend back to ground level and take a clue envelope from where it's been impaled on the point of Quixote's lance. That's the very weapon that used to be aimed at windmills, not used to reward those who repair them. Don Quixote totally sold out, man. He used to stand for something, but now he's in the pocket of Big Wind just like everyone else. Anyway, the Chippendales are in first place as the clue sends them to the Pit Stop, which Phil says is a 14th century fortress, "Castell de Bellver, which means The Castle With The Lovely View." Yeah, the name sounds a little more prosaic in English, I'm afraid. Might as well call it The Castle That's The Size Of A Small Town, because that would also apply. He adds that it was originally a royal residence, but was a prison for more than 200 years. "The last team to check in here may be eliminated." But at least they'll have a lovely view when it happens.
The twins find the musicians, whose fingers seem to be getting tired after hours of playing, going by the sound of it. They decide to go with the windmill Detour. "Now don't get bloody lost," Natalie says.
Lexi seems to have pulled herself together, but she's not getting back in the front of the bull again. This time she gives the directions, while Trey runs in front. They're still slower than a real bull and each matador even calls out a drawn-out "Ooooole!" as they run past. Finally they get to the ninth target and Lexi tells Trey to just barely tap it. Which he does, sending the matador mannequin flying, and they're done with 45 seconds left on the clock. The matadors cheer them as they collect their Pit Stop clue from the picador. They get directions to there from someone in town and are soon on their way, currently in second place.
The goat famers make it to the windmill task and are busy getting geared up when the twins roll in -- almost literally -- Natalie yelling at Nadiya from the back seat to "Park, you fool!" See, Nadiya overshot the entrance to the parking area because the Beekmans and their guides were standing near it and she wasn't confident in her ability to not run over all of them. "Can you hurry up? We have a chance to actually not lose!" Natalie bitches while Nadiya backs up to try again. Josh interviews, "Whatever competitive drive that I have really did kick in when the twins pulled up. I knew in my heart that we were better at this than they would be and that they were obviously having some troubles." That's a nice way to put it, as the twins manage to struggle their way into the parking lot and run back to the waiting repairmen.
The goat famers head up the stairs to the structure's roof, feeling rather at home. "We have a wind turbine on the farm," Brent says. "Not as nice as this," Josh points out. Newer though, I'll bet. Soon they're atop the building and assessing the situation with the detached blades. The twins, on the other hand, are running down the road after a truck and another repairman on foot, presumably to another windmill. As they go, they're talking in bad Spanish about how they have to do this quickly. One of them corrects "rapidamento" to "rapidamente," and adds, "Pero, nosotros muy stupido." Which means, "But... we... very... stupid," according to the subtitles and my even worse Spanish. "We took Spanish at Fordham. Obviously it did us zero good," Nadiya interviews. They're soon at work on their roof. Josh and Brent appear to be performing efficiently. "As long as you know where the bolts and the nuts go, then it's just a matter of lining everything up," Josh says as he works, once again displaying his uncanny ability to keep a potentially filthy-sounding sentence from actually doing so. "This is our chance to make up time." Brent assumes the twins are also doing well though. So we cut right to one of the twins dropping a wrench on the other. "You've done the wrong bloody hole!" Nadiya yells down, and gets stuck trying to climb down. So I think I would have to disagree with Brent on this one.
Trey & Lexi haven't seen any signs directing them back to Palma de Mallorca for a while, so they have to turn around after Trey looks behind them and sees one facing the direction they're going, meaning they overshot the city. Jaymes & James seem to make the turn though, and Jaymes points to the castle that's visible on the hillside from miles away. "I've been staring at that thing all morning. Man, look how big that is," Jaymes says. He doesn't have quite the same skill that Josh does. Trey and Lexi have spotted it too. And after some cutting back and forth and some shots of the castle's imposing exterior, we cut to Phil standing in front of the mat to a rather extraordinary greeter. This humanoid figure is sitting on a chair, wearing a suit and tie, waving one white-gloved hand while the other gives a thumbs up. And it's got NO HEAD. There's nothing above the tightly buttoned collar but the distant horizon where the Mediterranean meets the sky. Clearly this is an effort to counter the fact that NFL delays mean this show is frequently on opposite The Walking Dead. Trey and Lexi come running up and Trey marvels, "That's a real man?" Well, not exactly. The figure is human and intact, but with the shirt collar buttoned tight over the head. From somewhere behind the necktie comes a woman's muffled voice saying, "Hola. (Hello.) Welcome to Mallorca, Spain." Phil tells them they're "Team. Number. One," and they've won a trip to the Riviera Maya. Trey talks about how they've never traveled and it feels great to win all these legs, and how they get more confident with every leg. "Adios. (Goodbye)," says the voice under the shirt. They're so screwed.
As another team approaches, Phil bends down to guide the figure's pointing hand in the right direction to mark the approach of Jaymes & James. "This guy ain't got no head," Jaymes says, displaying the keen powers of observation any successful Amazing Racer needs. Phil tells them they're team number two and asks, "Is there anybody on this race who is more motivated to win than you guys?" James says it's about the health of their loved ones and Jaymes says the million dollars could change their world and their families' world. I guess I'm rooting for them after all.
Brent admits that his and Josh's problem is that they second-guess each other and argue, but that hasn't been the case on this task. I think what that actually means is that Brent second-guesses Josh, but right now he isn't. Natalie and Nadiya are having the opposite experience on what one of the sisters grumblingly calls their "old-ass windmill." Josh & Brent finish up, get their work checked, head back to ground level, get their clue from Don Quixote and depart for the Pit Stop. Back in the car, Brent says that was teamwork. "I guess the two of us are better than each one separate," he adds, as if Josh suggested otherwise. "That's why we've been together for fourteen years," Josh says. From across the farm, the twins can see the goat farmers' car leaving in a cloud of dust, which makes them certain that they're now in last place and this is why you plan ahead. "Not just bloody pin the tail on the damn donkey all the time." They agree that they suck. Well, at least they've stopped bickering.
Josh & Brent arrive at the mat as team number three. "I have seen you limp, collapse, faint, fall down," Phil says to Josh. "And you're still here." Josh says for the first time that they might actually win. For the first time, I can almost see that myself. Almost. "It's just hard to kill us, I think," Josh says. Yes, like the Road Runner. They're just obliviously doing their thing while all around them, other teams keep vanishing into little dust clouds at the bottom of the canyon.
"I can't believe the gimpy guys did this," one of the twins carps from atop their windmill. "We could have beat the gays here and we didn't so, mucho wasto time-o." Hearing that, Fordham University's Spanish department begins exploring legal options. In an interview, they talk about how they never saw the goat farmers as a factor and it was their own screw-ups that caused this defeat. "There was no master plan against us. Nobody was plotting against us. We did this all by ourselves to ourselves." Their work is checked and approved and on their way down, one of them says, "If we get eliminated, we only have ourselves to blame." At least they're owning it, unlike some other teams.
I think they'll be okay, though, because when they get to the mat in last place, Phil is uncharacteristically chatty. "What happened today?" he asks. They explain how they couldn't drive, get directions or screw nuts and bolts in. "Pretty depressing," they conclude. Phil says he's going to put them in a better mood, because this is a non-elimination leg. Not exactly a shock, because the last two legs wouldn't have been the same three teams. The twins hug each other happily, and Phil warns them that they'll have a Speed Bump coming up some time in the leg. "Even though we were smiling we were really depressed," Natalie assures Phil. They interview that there's nowhere to go from here but up. Well, and also out. "And hopefully there's not bloody driving 'cause then we'd be screwed," Natalie says. "No, now I got it," Nadiya says, earning scoffs from her sister. Yeah, I think I actually would have missed them.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.
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