In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
The racers are driven down into the Ngorongoro Crater, through what looks like the set of The Lion King, to a town called Safari Junction. There, they either have to fix a punctured bicycle tire or collect dozens of gallons of water at a communal well. Bopper and Mark and Other Rachel and Dave fix the bikes, but Art and JJ get into the long line at the well while Team Big Brother heads to the bike shop, and Vanessa and Ralph get lost looking for the Detour clue in the first place. Bopper (who is racing with a newly re-injured knee) and Mark are the first to finish the Detour and reach the Double U-Turn, which both they and Other Rachel and Dave forgo, despite a agreement between the latter team and Art and JJ to ding Brendon and Rachel whenever the opportunity arose. Other Rachel and Dave are the first to reach the clue, at an art gallery outside the village. Art and JJ U-Turn Brendon and Rachel, thinking the lack of U-Turns means they're the first team to get there. Before returning to the second Detour task, Brendon and Rachel U-Turn Vanessa and Ralph, while last-place team Nary and Jamie inexorably narrow what began as a huge lag.
In the front of the pack, Mark and Dave suit up and brave swarming bees to harvest half a kilogram of honey for the Roadblock. Mark finishes first, and even in a footrace to a lakeside mat on Mark's injured leg, Team Kentucky wins its first leg ever. Second-place Dave is a dick to Other Rachel even on the mat. And JJ's a giant crybaby about Other Rachel and Dave failing to use the U-Turn, contrary to their agreement, all the way until they arrive at the mat in third place and well after.
Brendon and Rachel and Vanessa and Ralph finish the second half of the Detour, just before the bike task is complete by Nary and Jamie, who get directions from Team Big Brother. And then Vanessa and Ralph's cab gets a flat on the way to the stage, allowing Nary and Jamie to catch up. But Team Undercover still has their Speed Bump, in which they have to set up a detailed display stand. Rachel completes the Roadblock with ease, allowing her and Brendon to come in fourth. Nary and Jamie finish their Speed Bump while Ralph does the Roadblock, but it's not enough; the federal agents still come in last again, and are belatedly Philiminated. And without even having to tell anyone what their real job is.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Phil kicks off this week's proceedings with a little geology lesson: "Tanzania's Ngorongoro Crater is part of a volcano that erupted more than three million years ago, forming the world's largest unbroken caldera." But since there's no footage from then, the cameras instead show a giraffe, a hippo, wildebeests, some scenery, elephants, gorillas, more wildebeests, and a screaming baboon. No, that last one's not Rachel. "Regarded as a garden of Eden, this flagship tourist attraction is the start of the eighth leg in a race around the world," Phil concludes, his arms spread as he stands on a hilltop (and three crates, according to his Twitter feed) with the entire crater in the background behind him. There's no word about whether the racers had to spend the night in the camps they set up themselves at the end of the leg; we just cut straight to 6:03 AM, which is the departure time of the last week's winners, Rachel and Dave.
The sun's not quite up, and they're dressed for cold weather, and the predawn sky behind them is spectacular. "Take a drive through Africa's Garden of Eden," the clue reads when they rip it open. Phil explains that they'll now "go on safari and descend sixteen hundred feet into the Ngorongoro Crater." But in safari vehicles (not Land Rovers) along a dirt road, rather than straight down. We get a look at a zebra, a wildebeest, a baboon, and some young lions as Phil continues, "When they emerge from the crater, they'll travel to Safari Junction, a small town in the district of Karatu." There's a hand-built and hand-painted souvenir kiosk in the town with the name "Hillary Clington Shop," with the G in less visible orange so it looks like HILLARY CLINGTON. It's clearly some kind of pun I don't get. Among the local tchochkes hang a bunch of yellow clue envelopes.
Other Rachel and Dave head to one of the waiting vehicles and Dave tells the driver, "You gotta go really fast today, man." They've read that the clue indicates a Double U-Turn coming up this leg, which Dave says depends on who gets to it first. "I think if we arrive first, before Art and JJ, we may consider the green team." Meaning Brendon and Rachel. Remember when people pretended they were using the U-Turn to get rid of teams who might beat them, instead of teams they just didn't like? I mean, they weren't, but at least they pretended.
Bopper and Mark are leaving in second place, at 6:05 AM. That's a pretty narrow lead, considering how far ahead Other Rachel and Dave were when they arrived at the campground during the leg. In fact, if Team Kentucky had remembered to fill their shower pouch right away, they might be leaving in first place this morning. In other news from the leg, we learn that Bopper hurt his knee, with the help of a black-and-white flashback of him and Mark walking down the road and Bopper's leg suddenly buckling. "Before I let this knee put me out, I'll let 'em cut it off and I'll keep on truckin'," Bopper inter-vows. On the ride down into the crater, they talk about how they came in as underdogs, but aren't any more. Well, not until Bopper hurt himself. They might be underdogs again now, thanks to that.
Art and JJ are leaving at 6:23, at what looks like shortly after sunrise. As they get into their vehicle with its fogged-up windows, JJ interviews how they've been "strategizing" about the U-Turn for several legs with Other Rachel and Dave. We flash back to the fifth leg, in Bavaria, where JJ got Other Rachel and Dave to agree to sandbag "the green team" if they got the chance. And then they sealed it with a power-circle, so you know they were dead serious. Joey "Fitness" and Danny were also there, but of course they're gone now. I don't remember seeing this footage during that episode, but how could anybody have known it might end up being relevant when they were cutting the whole season together after it had all been shot? Art interviews that everyone wants Team Big Brother out, "strategywise," which is rather old-school of him. "They're malcontents," JJ adds, which tends to undercut the whole "strategywise" thing.
Speaking of Team Big Brother, they start the leg in fourth place at 6:48 AM, and they're a little worried about the upcoming U-Turn. If you'd seen them on Big Brother, you'd understand how this is SOP for them: get on everyone's nerves, make a bunch of enemies, and then act like victims when the numerous competitors they'd offended inevitably get a chance to screw them back. But in an interview, Rachel claims, "The more the haters hate, the more stronger [sic] Brendon and I get. So let them drink their haterade and Brendon and I will be the ones that benefit from it." Unfortunately, that's not entirely wrong either. "Feed me, Seymour!" Brendon adds, for some reason quoting a giant alien man-eating plant in a Rick Moranis musical from a quarter-century ago. As you do. On the way down, Brendon reminds Rachel not to freak out if they get U-Turned. "If?"
Vanessa and Ralph open their envelope in fifth place at 7:18 AM, and the Double U-Turn seems the most relevant part of the clue to them as well. Then commences a long montage of all the teams driving down through the crater, while enjoying the scenery and the sunrise and, in some cases, each other. "I want to stay here," Rachel says. "Forget about the race and just stay here." Sounds good to me. Go for it. There's lots of footage of frolicking wildlife, and Dave has their driver stop so they can look at some baboons in a tree by the side of the road. "Coo coo k'joob!" Dave falsettos at them. "Honey, that's not their mating call," Rachel says. Or any noise they make, for that matter. Dave must be thinking of the walrus. "We'd definitely seen stuff that we ain't never gonna see in Kentucky," Bopper interviews. E.g., zebras, gazelles, and a warthog, based on the b-roll footage. "We're seein' animals we didn't even know what they was!" Bopper says.
Art and JJ stop to check out some lions from their car, but JJ wants to keep moving, saying that after they win the million, "We could always fly back here." In their interview, Art repeatedly pokes his partner in the shoulder, calling JJ his lion. Well, first of all, you don't poke a real lion. Rachel says this is her dream come true, as an ostrich crosses the road ahead of them. "This is so much cooler than a zoo," she says. They also spot giraffes and elephants. "Driving through the crater made us forget that we were racing," she says. "One of the best parts was that Vanessa and other people we don't like were nowhere to be found." So clearly they didn't totally forget. Speaking of Vanessa, she sees an elephant and is so happy she can't speak, which, for Vanessa, has to be pretty damn happy. The segment wraps up with a giant, full-maned lion resting its head against a tree for a nap. Which seems symbolic in some way that I can't quite get my hands on.
One overhead shot of Karatu later, Other Rachel and Dave are driving into the dusty village of Safari Junction. Bopper and Mark are right behind them, and soon both teams are out of their vehicles and asking locals for directions to Hillary Clington. There's also a stand marked Barack Obama, so they must be getting close, assuming they're in Safari Junction's famous Kiosks Named After American Officials District. Other Rachel and Dave are the first to find the cart marked "Hillary Clington Shop" and claim a hanging clue, but Bopper and Mark are so close behind them it barely counts. This will be a Detour, with the choice being "Water Supply" or "Air Supply." Phil tells us that both Detour options are "chores that are a vital part of living in Tanzania." Which is good, because I thought one of them was an eighties soft-rock band.
In explaining Water Supply, Phil tells us, "Many homes in Tanzania lack plumbing, and locals can wait for hours at this communal well to get their water for the day." Which they then have to carry home on their heads in five-gallon buckets. That doesn't sound like very much fun at all for them. Luckily the Amazing Racers are here to help. They'll have to go to a certain address, load nine empty, yellow plastic containers (I'm guessing five gallons each) onto a handcart designed to hold six of them, and then wheel them to the well, where they'll have to join the long line of locals to wait their turn to fill the containers. After they've delivered the filled containers back to the homeowner -- a windfall of 45 gallons, by my reckoning, or roughly enough for one of my showers -- they'll get their clue.
For Air Supply, they'll have to "repair the most popular form of transportation in Africa: the bicycle." Apparently there are repair shops all over the district, and teams who do this one will visit one to patch a punctured tire. They'll have to use the local method, which does not include removing the wheel from the bike. They'll have to snake the inner tube out from inside the tire, and then dunk sections of it into a bucket of water to find the leak, which they'll then have to patch before reinstalling and reinflating the inner tube and sending the repaired bike on its way for a test run. The bicycle repairman, or "fundi baiskeli," will give them their clue if it works. Other Rachel and Dave decide on this latter option, and as Mark points out to Bopper, "You've been fixing bikes your whole life." Both teams head off more or less together. Sure, that means a couple of families in town will have to get their own water for themselves, but fuck 'em. This is for a million bucks.
Art and JJ are in town, looking for Hillary Clington Shop and making lame, stale jokes about its namesake. Too bad racers aren't allowed cell phones, or she could text them one. How's that for fresh, suckas? They end up driving right up to the stand and selecting Water Supply, on Art's theory that he doesn't know how many holes are involved, plus bicycles have spokes. The fact that these are his concerns lead me to agree that this is the right choice. The two lead teams arrive at the outdoor bike shop, and before getting to work, Other Rachel says to Team Kentucky, "Let's stay in front. No U-Turning each other." A mechanic gives a little demonstration to each team, which Dave narrates, explaining that the local method is to leave the wheel on. So how do you get the inner tube free of the bike frame? You don't, you just have to work it around, dipping section by section into the water pail until bubbles appear. Which seems like a good way to make another hole in it, but I'm no fundi baiskeli.
Then the mechanic demonstrates using an emery board to rough up the spot around the hole, apply some glue, and then stick the patch to it. I've patched up a few inflatable items in my life, you know. Including an air mattress that, as we were packing for the camping trip, Trash insisted be stowed in a bag that also contained our roasting skewers, our cooking knives, and our entire arsenal of Japanese throwing stars. The first night we tried to blow it up in our tent, I gave up after patching 138 holes. That's ancient history, though. Other Rachel remarks to the mechanic, "Guys always think they know what they're doing without having to watch." Dave tells her to stop, because that's also how guys talk to their wives. Oh, wait, no, that's just Dave. Bopper and Mark, however, are off to a great start. "I had to make a bike when I was growing up," Mark tells us. 'We didn't have no new bikes." What did he use, Legos? Other Rachel and Dave soon find the leak they have to fix. "You're a good teacher," Dave tells the mechanic, whose only answer is an unsmiling wink at the camera.
Art and JJ run to a little house made of red adobe bricks and load up the waiting containers onto the cart. "This is simple," JJ jinxes as they get on their way, but when they see the line at the well, Art says, "Holy cow." JJ holds their place in line while Art scouts ahead. He says it's about 30-35 seconds per bucket, and he counts at least sixty buckets in the line. "So I'm looking at about thirty to forty minutes before we get to the front of the line." Assuming the filling process remains efficient. "It kind of gave us an appreciation for what these people do just for water." I'm sure that's what was foremost in their minds. JJ says they're already in line, and it would take them 20-30 minutes to find the bike shop, so they're sticking. Besides, you never know -- somebody in town might like to have some water.
Brendon and Rachel have reached town, and are trying to get directions to Hillary Clington. "In petrol station... inside," a local tells them, probably because he saw them on Big Brother. They go past Barack Obama and then spot what Rachel calls "Hillary Clingington." Rachel decides on Air Supply, since filling containers will be really hard, and she's all out of love. to reach town are Vanessa and Ralph, who start looking for Hillary Clington, asking everyone they see and some people they don't, leaning into windows and everything. "You know it's going to be something so absurd and obvious," Vanessa says. At least she's self-aware.
The two lead teams are applying their rubber cement and tire patches. "You see them hands? Them's mechanic hands," Bopper boasts in an interview, and says it was like a NASCAR pit stop. Soon they're pumping their tube back up, but Other Rachel and Dave's patch isn't holding air in. Dave blames Other Rachel for misusing her screwdriver, and she tells him to stop being a jackass by blaming her. "Just shush, we're a team," Dave says. So, still a jackass, in other words.
Art and JJ are frustrated at what is now somehow a hundred buckets ahead of them in line that will need to be filled from a hose at the well. I'm just glad the clue specified that they'd have to wait in line, or you know JJ would be cajoling and intimidating his way up to the front. Team Big Brother is looking for the bike shop, where Bopper and Mark have already set up their completed bike for a test drive. Dave is a jackass to Other Rachel some more, and Bopper and Mark get their clue in first place. It's telling them to walk to Jack Stelzer Pub in Karatu, which has a hand-painted sign in neon colors and a name that most of the racers will be pronouncing as "Seltzer." "Caution, U-Turn ahead," the clue warns, like they thought the U-Turn was going to be after the Roadblock. Although maybe it could be, forcing the racer who didn't complete the Roadblock to go back and do it? Nah, that'd be dumb. Never mind (which means it's going to happen one day).
Mark rather impatiently asks some locals for directions. Other Rachel and Dave are bickering to the bitter end of their bike repair job as Team Kentucky heads out. "Why don't I just sit back and you do the rest of everything?" Other Rachel demands of Dave. Hoofing it to the pub, Bopper warns Mark that his leg might slow him down, but he's still in it. Brendon and Rachel spot the bike shop just as Other Rachel and Dave finish and get their clue, leaving just ahead of Team Big Brother's arrival. Rachel is already stressing out, saying, "If they get U-Turned, they're gonna U-Turn us." And maybe even if they don't, but Brendon says they need to focus. Always Rachel's strong suit.
In case you had forgotten, due to how we're seventeen minutes into the episode and have only seen five teams, there are actually six teams still in the race. Waaaay over on the other side of the largest unbroken caldera in the world, Nary and Jamie finally open their clue at 9:21 AM, more than three hours behind Other Rachel and Dave and more than two hours behind Vanessa and Ralph (who arrived at the campsite after them, you'll recall.) They're also wearing matching blue "I'm with my BFF" t-shirts, which is a valedictory move if ever there was one. Jamie says it's a bummer to be so far behind, but they replay her clip from last week about how "we're just here to have a great time, and try to win a million dollars and see the world." Or two-thirds of it, as the case may be.
Mark spots the pub and wants to rush ahead, but Bopper asks him to wait for him and his lame knee. They eventually get to the big giant Double U-Turn sign with the touchscreen video displays that was debuted last season, and Phil reminds us that it allows two teams to force two other teams to do both sides of the Detour. Well, not exactly, but let's not quibble on semantics. Bopper and Mark will not be using it, so they go ahead and open the clue. It's sending them to Gem Gallery and Arts, which looks like an open-air art shop somewhere outside town. They'll need to get themselves a cab for that.
Other Rachel and Dave show up while they're still looking around for one, and Team Kentucky reports to them that they "didn't U-Turn nobody." "Awesome," Other Rachel says as she and Dave proceed to the giant sign. Dave interviews, "Art and JJ and I have talked in the past about whoever won it first would U-Turn the green team. Success is achieved either way, without having to create an unnecessary enemy." I don't know what he means by success, but as for not creating an unnecessary enemy, well, that's what he thinks. Back at the sign, Other Rachel also points out how far behind the "teachers" are, so they pass up the U-Turn and also open their clue. Soon both lead teams are in their unmarked cabs.
While riding through Ngorongoro Crater, Nary and Jamie point out the animals to each other. "I don't know that I've ever seen something so green," Jamie says with her sunglasses on.
Vanessa and Ralph are still lost in Safari Junction, and increasingly frustrated about it. As they wander up the road looking for Hillary Clington, they pass the bike shop, where Brendon and Rachel put their heads down and successfully remain unnoticed. At this point the divorcees can't even decide which way to walk, and Nary and Jamie's car looks like it's approaching town. Rachel gives a snotty little smile, and Ralph tells Vanessa to make a decision. When she refuses, he just leads her off in a random direction and into the first long-overdue commercial break of the night.
They're still casting about helplessly after the ads, and only just managing not to get into a fight over their situation. Finally a boy points them right up the street, and they manage to get there and claim their clue, still in fifth place. They decide on Air Supply, and the thing we see is Nary and Jamie getting out of their car. So the gap has narrowed.
Art and JJ are nearly at the front of the line at the well, forming their plan of action. Finally the well attendant fills up their containers, and they get eight of them piled on the six-container cart, with Art carrying the ninth on his shoulder and warning JJ not to spill too much. Because water is precious here in Africa. Oh, and also they probably won't get credit for the task if they don't deliver enough, but I'm sure that's a secondary concern, if not a tertiary one.
On the way to the gallery, Dave laughs at Rachel for saying "bamboons" instead of "baboons." Good thing she can correctly pronounce "jackass." They're the first team to get to the art gallery-slash-store, where they go past the Speed Bump sign with Nary and Jamie's picture on it. They open a clue telling them to go right to a town called Mto Wa Mbu, where they'll have to find a place called Margaret's Farm. Their driver seems to know where the town is, at least. Bopper and Mark show up and grab the clue in second place, and Mark tells their driver to pass Other Rachel and Dave's cab when they get a chance. Bopper, who is now sporting a surprisingly suitable pair of Bono sunglasses, says, "We just want to stay in the game, but we would love to have one first place. Just to know what it feels like." I imagine it feels pretty good. Team Kentucky's cab soon catches up, but Other Rachel and Dave don't want their driver to get passed. And people in Hell want ice water.
Art and JJ are transporting their water with a small crowd of children in tow. Art interviews about how there were so many people wanting to help them, because they're not at all curious about the sweaty Americans or the HD television cameras. They get back to what looks like a one-story block of homes, where they drop off the water and are handed a clue from inside the female homeowner's jacket, so it'll be nice and warm. "Enjoy your water," Art tells her. They get directions from the locals to the pub, a kilometer up the road, and take off thataway. As they cut between houses to get out of there, we hear Art interviewing how, "As much as you want to enjoy and absorb the situation, we're just like, we gotta get to this place, we gotta get to this place, we gotta get to this place." Which could be said about any given moment of any given season, probably.
When they reach the Double U-Turn sign, JJ sees the blank screens and immediately concludes, "No one's even been here!" Because if they had, they'd have used the U-Turn, obviously. Says kind of a lot about JJ, doesn't it? Actually, he's sure Other Rachel and Dave would have used it based on their conversations, so JJ announces that they're U-Turning Brendon and Rachel. They crow about this amazing achievement, not to mention how much better groomed they look in their original team photo, and then they collect their clue sending them to the gallery. "We are done with Big Brother and that's why we U-Turned them," JJ says in the cab. "And we made a deal with Rachel and Dave .If they got there first, they would U-Turn them. If we got there first, we would do it. So we're honoring our word." Based on that clip from Bavaria, it didn't look like anyone's "word" so much as a "cheer," but whatever.
JJ goes on, "Hopefully Dave and Rachel will come up behind us and they'll U-Turn the teachers. Or the cops or whatever the heck they are." Now why would he want that? Nary and Jamie will already have a Speed Bump, as JJ well knows, in addition to being hours behind. A single U-Turn is already not guaranteed to eliminate Brendon and Rachel, but doubling up on Team Undercover will almost certainly save Team Big Brother. The only possible explanation for what they have against the federal agents is that in an interview, Art dickishly talks about how much fun they had calling Nary and Jamie out. Yup, you guys are cool, all right.
On a twisty, hilly road, Bopper and Mark's driver somehow passes Other Rachel and Dave's cab anyway, and then yammers loudly into his phone, much to Bopper's amusement.
Brendon and Rachel finish fixing their bicycle tire, and are off to the pub in fourth place. "There's the green team," Vanessa says as she and Ralph are walking to the bike shop. "Cheese and crackers," Ralph pseudo-cusses. Brendon just tells Rachel to stay focused. "I am focuuuuuused," she whines." Meanwhile, Nary and Jamie get directions to Hillary Clington, and they head off that way in the awkward backpacker's run. As Vanessa and Ralph fix their inner tube, she tells him to start thinking about the challenge, "Because I know we're going to be doing it." In other words, she figures they're going to be U-Turned by Team Big Brother. Ralph complains to her about I don't know what, and she deadpans at him, "Let's make a mistake and take longer." Sounds like a plan.
Art and JJ get to the gallery and take a clue. On their way to the town, JJ's main concern is the number of clues that were left, which tells him they're at least in third. "And that would be because Dave and Rachel didn't honor their word, which I don't think Dave would do." Other Rachel, though, she's just a lying slag. Art just shrugs at him, either to say, "What are you going to do?" or "Who honestly gives a shit?"
Rachel and Brendon get to the U-Turn and see themselves U-Turned by Art and JJ. "Shocker!" Rachel Danielles, forgetting what show she's on. But since Mark and Bopper and Dave and Rachel passed up the U-Turn, Brendon and Rachel now have the chance to U-Turn Vanessa and Ralph, which they do. Now, this isn't just because I like Vanessa more than I like Rachel (which I do), because I've said this before -- if you get U-Turned, you shouldn't be able to U-Turn someone else until you've finished both Detour tasks. But that's what happens, and Rachel and Brendon get to gloat about it a bit, both on the spot and in an interview before heading off in search of the containers they'll have to fill. At least they only have to fill them with water, instead of with God-knows-what like they would have had to on that other show.
Nary and Jamie have found Hillary Clington, and they opt for Air Supply. Which Vanessa and Ralph are just now finishing, with Ralph confirming with the mechanic that they need to pump until it's harder and Vanessa saying, "He wants this thing to pop." Get a room, you two. But a kid successfully rides away on it, and Vanessa and Ralph are off to be U-Turned. They and the "teachers" spot each other as Nary and Jamie look for the bike shop. "Yeah, we're behind," Vanessa says. They're upset but not surprised to see themselves U-Turned by Brendon and Rachel, and they unhappily head to the water task. "We're getting our asses handed to us right now," Ralph says. Like that's news.
After the ads, as they pass a tractor on the road en route to the water containers, Ralph talks about how frustrated he is because he hates losing. You'd think he'd be used to it after seven legs. Vanessa points out that they've come back from behind before, but Ralph says the odds are against them. Nary and Jamie get to the bike shop and get to work. Brendon and Rachel find a house with jugs in front of it and start loading up the empties, then jog with them and the cart to the line for the well, which is not a welcoming sight. "The line at this point is almost out to the road," Rachel says. While waiting, she asks Brendon, "Can we drink this water?" Brendon doesn't seem to think that's a good idea. Well, he's the PhD student.
Heading to the farm, Bopper confidently states, "We're goin' to the final three and we're gonna win the million dollars. But we would still like to enjoy one first place before we get there." That said, they arrive and notice a bunch of people in white beekeeper suits waiting out in the barnyard. Sure enough, the Roadblock clue is related. But before we get to that, Phil tells us that agriculture accounts for more than half of Tanzania's economy. There certainly are a lot of bananas and apples being schlepped around in this b-roll, but Phil insists that honey "plays a major role in this county's food supply." Cut to swarms of bees buzzing like jet engine, as Phil tells us that whoever does the Roadblock needs to put on one of the bee-suits, then harvest honey from a hive, "surrounded by thousands of swarming bees." These aren't your domestic, free-standing, white hives, but wooden mailboxes or hollow logs nailed to trees at about shoulder level, with hinged lids so you can reach in and grab yourself some honeycomb, provided you're either suited up or don't mind pulling a Scully. Wearing a bee-suit himself and holding yet another five-gallon bucket, Phil says they'll get their clue from the chief beekeeper after collecting 500 grams of honey. Which is not a lot. I have more honey than that in my kitchen right now, and zero bees.
Mark will be doing this one, what with Bopper's knee acting up, so he gets into his suit. "Gettin' ready to get et [sic] up," Mark says. Other Rachel and Dave arrive, and Other Rachel gives it to Dave. "Come on, David, let us have a first, man," Mark mumbles to Dave, either audibly or not, but ineffectual either way, for sure. On the sidelines, Bopper tells Other Rachel about his knee injury, and Mark tells Dave as well. Bopper explains that he had knee surgery five or six months ago and it's been fine, "but this is gruelin'." I'm sure Other Rachel and Dave will be happy to throw the leg to them in sympathy. Once Mark is suited up, a very serious guide in a pith helmet tells him to be absolutely calm. "These are African bees. They will sting you." What good is the suit then? "The calmer you are, the faster this will happen for you," the guide adds, and sends Mark off with another suited beekeeper as a guide while Bopper tells him to take his time. Soon Mark is at a hive, opening it up and blasting the bees inside with smoke from the handheld smoker they provided him. He does the same to all sides of the first hunk of honeycomb he pulls out. Dave is soon out there as well. "Don't get stung," Other Rachel says. Dave is also busy with his smoker. "That's not bad," he says. "Don't mind the pain whatsoever." I'm not sure he's actually been stung yet.
Approaching the farm, JJ is still obsessing, "I just have to believe Dave would follow his word and U-Turn them." He would be so disappointed otherwise. "We'll find out when we get to the end, brother," says Art, who cares a great deal less about this than JJ does. And then he cackles about Team Big Brother having to do the water task if they're behind them. Because that's what really matters, after all.
At the well, Rachel asks Brendon how heavy the containers will be when they're full, which they will soon be. He guesses fifteen pounds, which sounds a little light, but he's the genius. Soon they're trundling their dripping, heavily laden cart down the dirt lane. Brendon pushes while Rachel says, "This is really fricking hard." Yeah, her job is to hold the containers on top in place. At least in theory, because the one she's holding falls into the dirt sideways. She looks at her hand for a few seconds instead of righting it, so Brendon yells at her to pick it up. She yells back that she is picking it up (well, now she is) and not to yell at her. Brendon insists she can't spill the water. "I'm not trying to spill the water!" she screeches, and then dumps the dropped container back on the cart so hard that it tips over, dumping all but the half-dozen containers it's designed to hold and sending even those six aslosh as the cart rolls backward, nearly flattening Brendon. Rachel screams about how she's bleeding. "Don't tell me what to do!" She's really quite the problem-solver.
Back at the bike shop, Nary and Jamie are staying optimistic as they hunt for the leak. Vanessa and Ralph get to the line for the water task, and find it pretty long. In an interview, Ralph figures there are eighty to ninety people in that area just waiting for water. "And we have this commodity in our house and we don't even think twice about it," Vanessa says. Ralph agrees, "It's incredible what people do in order to sustain life." As for their life in the race, they're pretty sure it's over and that they're in last place. It's incredible what people will whine about. I don't love the U-Turn, the Blind U-Turn, or the Double U-Turn, but I'm glad that in this case it resulted in some locals having to haul a little less water for themselves for a day or two.
Mark collects another bee-ridden hunk of honeycomb from the hive. "Break it up there, guys, break it up," he says as he smokes out a party on the back side. At the tree over, Dave is having what he later calls a "unique experience." Remember the time there was a team of actual beekeepers on this show? That was a good episode. Mark takes his bucket over to a spring-scale hanging from a log tripod, and it measures up to almost five kilograms total, which even deducting the weight of the bucket should be plenty, so he's good to go. Apparently they don't have to wait around for the honey to be extracted from the comb, which is a shame because that would make for some riveting television. Mark gets his clue, and thus he and Bopper are in first place as he returns to the waiting area and reads, "Make your way on foot to the Pit Stop."
Over a high-speed shot of a winding forest path, Phil says they'll now head to Lake Manyara, "Described by Ernest Hemingway as the loveliest lake in Africa." Papa sure had that way with words, didn't he? Phil says that's the Pit Stop for this leg, and "the last team to check in here may be eliminated." Obviously Bopper isn't thrilled at being expected to go anywhere on foot in his condition, but he'll do what he needs to do. They hurry off as Dave heads for the scale.
Art spots the route marker at the farm up ahead, and a couple of waiting cabs. Even now JJ can't believe Dave didn't do what he was supposed to. They get out and Art volunteers for the Roadblock, while the music gets quite tense at what is about to be quite the confrontation. Mark and Bopper run past, and as Dave returns to Other Rachel with the clue in second place, JJ calls over and asks them why they didn't use the U-Turn. Other Rachel and Dave point out that the "teachers" are three and a half hours behind. JJ whines that they had a deal, and says they U-Turned Brendon and Rachel, "Because we thought that you guys might be behind us."
Other Rachel is still talking about the teachers when Dave rushes her off, and JJ petulantly calls over to Art, "No more. Just you and I racing, that's it." Art agrees as politely as he can given that he's about to wade into an ocean of African honeybees while JJ is all butt-hurt over a broken pinky-swear, but JJ just can't get over it. "Chaps my ass," he says, like we hadn't noticed. "We made an agreement, what we were going to do. And they didn't do it. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not sharing a damn thing with them any more. In fact, I don't feel like talking to them ever again, I don't give a crap." Clearly. "Art and I just gotta do our thing and win the race, period. That's it." Oh, grow the fuck up, you big baby. If this is the worst disappointment you've ever experienced in your life, get your ass over to Real Housewives or something.
Bopper and Mark are running down the path, hoping to win their first leg. And Dave is bitching at Other Rachel for not moving fast enough. Bopper's knee gives out again and he has to slow to a walk. Dave can now see the lake through the trees. We cut to the mat where a Tanzanian quartet is playing a folksy local tune, which Phil seems to be digging. And in comes the first team: surprisingly, it's Bopper and Mark, who just won their first leg of the race, and the first leg not won by either the Border Patrol or Other Rachel and Dave. Obviously they're pretty happy about it, even though Bopper is too exhausted to be as loud as he normally is at positive developments like placing well in a leg or successfully getting out of an automobile.
Phil welcomes Other Rachel and Dave to the mat moments later. "I'm excited, he's being a poor loser," Rachel announces loudly. Okay, I get that her thing is Not Sitting Still For Dave's Shit, and I'm all for that, but she could pass up the occasional chance to poke at him. Dave pissily says he's happy for Team Kentucky, and when Phil asks him if he is being a poor loser, Dave says she should have contributed more. Whatever, Dave, your cabdriver lost this leg, not your wife. Phil tells Dave to give her props: "She's racing hard. You guys have had four first-place finishes." "She's killing it," Mark agrees. Dave seems to concede the point and kisses her on the forehead so we can move on to how Bopper and Mark have won a trip to Hawaii. Bopper marvels about being a country boy who never thought he'd be STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF AFRICA with his best friend.
Art reaches into one of the hives, and seems to be enjoying it. "I felt like Winnie the Pooh," he interviews. He swaps his full bucket of honey for a clue and says, "Hakuna Mataata" to his guide. JJ's even pissy as he reads the clue sending them on to the Pit Stop, and wants to bitch about it to Art some more as they run down the path. "Don't even worry about it," Art interrupts, but JJ insists, "They screwed us." How, exactly, are they screwed, in any practical way? It's not like Brendon and Rachel were ever going to like them anyway, and if they'd followed JJ's brilliant master plan all that would have happened is that Nary and Jamie would have been further behind than they already were. But JJ says that if Other Rachel and Dave ask him for anything he's going to pretend they're not there. Yes, we've picked up the schoolyard vibe already.
Eventually they reach the mat and step onto it in third place. "We figured," JJ says, adding that this will get them to another leg. Phil asks them about using the U-Turn. "That's what it's there for?" he prompts, like they need his help justifying it. JJ whines some more about the agreement they had with Other Rachel and Dave which "they don't really give a crap about." I don't think anyone gives a crap about anything as much as JJ gives a crap about this. "What a slap in the face," he rants on. "If I could do it all over again and jump in front of them, I'd tag them for the U-Turn... makes me sick to my stomach." Get a stronger stomach, then, you little bitch. This had no practical effect on your game other than to make you look like dicks, which clearly you don't have a problem with anyway.
Brendon and Rachel manage to get what's left of their water delivered to the home and get their clue, although Brendon warns Rachel not to hurt herself again and she bitches, "I'm fine, Brendon." Look who's in a mood. The containers are still full enough for them to earn their clue, which Rachel doesn't even want to waste time opening. "We know where it is, let's just go," she gripes, as if Phil wouldn't give then a half-hour penalty for not reading the clue on-camera. Soon they're on their way back to Jack Stelzer's Pub. Brendon says they kicked ass, even if Rachel's bled a little bit. "Um, it's not a little bit?" Rachel snits. I don't see any blood on camera, so it's a little bit. HD don't lie, Vegas.
Nary and Jamie are pumping their tire back up, and Vanessa and Ralph are getting their last water tank filled. The latter team gets the water delivered quickly, so they're still in fifth place as they head back to the pub and the U-Turn sign. But Nary and Jamie have also finished the bike task, so their "Currently in Last Place" subtitle may not last long. If, that is, they can remember where to go from here. Brendon and Rachel are back at the pub, reading the clue sending them to the gallery in fourth place. They rush off in search of cabs and encounter Jamie and Nary, at which point Rachel tells them they got "Double U-Turned." Brendon adds that they also U-Turned Vanessa and Ralph, so the "teachers" aren't out yet, and they give the federal agents directions to the Pub. Then, in the cab, Rachel's having a little weepfest about how exhausted she is. Quit then, jeez.
Vanessa and Ralph read that same clue and are headed out of town in fifth place. In the back seat, Vanessa congratulates herself and Ralph on their great luck with cabs. Well, now she's gone and done it. Sure enough, they blow a tire out on the road, right on cue. "That's what that sound was!" Vanessa ditzes. They and the driver get out to survey the damage. "Speaking of our luck with cabs," Vanessa says. By now, Nary and Jamie have found the clue sending them to the gallery. They cab up, hoping to catch Ralph and Vanessa, who are currently watching their driver change the tire. You'd think they'd have better tire karma after that first Detour option. "Oh well, it was a good run, kid," Ralph says philosophically. Longer than deserved, certainly.
Somewhere on the road behind them, Nary is talking about how the U-Turning may work in their favor and allow them to catch up. But Vanessa and Ralph's driver has gotten their tire changed very quickly, so they're back on the road before Team Undercover passes them.
Brendon and Rachel arrive at the gallery, collect their clue, and proceed to the town, hoping to also be approaching the Pit Stop. Then Vanessa and Ralph arrive, with Nary and Jamie right behind them. "How did we catch up to them?" Jamie gasps. Nary interviews that they were happy to see the other team -- at least until they also saw their Speed Bump standing there. They take the one clue from the Speed Bump sign, and Phil explains that since Nary and Jamie lost the , non-elimination leg, they now have a task just for them. They'll be provided with a detailed painting showing how a display rack needs to be set up with all manner of different items arranged just so. "When the art vendor, Doctor Moses, feels they have a perfect match, they can continue racing." Phil doesn't usually give us the names of the people handing out the clues, but then most people handing out clues don't have cool names like Doctor Moses. They get to work assessing the situation while Vanessa and Ralph take off, for the moment still in fifth place. Jamie's taking the lead on the Speed Bump task. Ralph isn't being complacent, though, saying they'll finish the Speed Bump quickly. Teams always do, and this doesn't look like it'll be any exception.
Team Big Brother arrives at the farm, and Rachel's recovered enough to volunteer to brave the bees. She gets right to work, exceeding her design parameters by being calm and liberally dosing the bees and herself with smoke. I'm kind of surprised at how much she's enjoying herself, but then I remember that she's surrounded by noisy, vengeful, venomous insects. In other words, these are her people! Soon she has a clue. "Thank you! Jambo! Asante!" she tells her guide and returns to Brendon, also comparing herself to Winnie the Pooh. Then she de-suits and they make it to the Pit Stop in fourth place. "Double U-Turn that!" Rachel crows.
Vanessa and Ralph reach the farm and argue a bit about which of them is going to do the Roadblock. He keeps asking her if she wants to, when she clearly doesn't, repeating that he's better under pressure. Looks like Ralph's doing it, in other words. He suits up, he harvests the honey, let's get this over with.
Nary and Jamie (mostly Jamie) are battling the wind to finish the display, and after using a rock or two to hold things in place, they get their clue and are back in the race... sort of. Unfortunately for them, it's not like the Roadblock is a task where teams can pass each other, given that it seems to be taking everyone the same amount of time. Not that they know that, because Jamie is remaining optimistic in the cab to the bee farm. Where Ralph has just finished the task and is being handed his clue. "Good luck with your bees," he says, and runs back to Vanessa. They open the Pit Stop clue and head right over to the mat, in fifth place. "Even after two sides of the Detour," Phil points out, impressed. Even they can't believe they're still in the race. "We had every single complication that anyone could ever anticipate," Vanessa exaggerates, "and we're still here!" I still can't believe they survived that leg with the watermelons.
Nary quickly finishes the honey harvest, she and Jamie run to the mat, arrive in last place again, and this time are summarily Philiminated. They give each other a one-armed hug as Phil tells them they did a great job today. Jamie calls it the opportunity of a lifetime, especially getting to enjoy it with Nary. They do a proper hug, and Nary interviews that she wouldn't have done this with anyone but Jamie. "My buddy!" Jamie dorks. They walk away from the mat, and we get to hear that happy tune from the band at the mat one last time. And it looks like we'll never get any closure on the other teams and their actual job, or Bopper's crush on Jamie. But there should be some interesting conversations at the Finish Line. Not that we'll get to hear any of them.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.