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After an awkward reunion between Jill/Thomas and Team QVC (who they U-Turned in the leg), everyone flies to Hong Kong together. When Nick and Vicki miss a ferry, Nick lays into her for having asthma. Meanwhile, the other teams run around until they reach a restaurant and have to search an entire buffet for five items of fake food, eating every wrong guess (not that Claire or Vicki get to eat it permanently, if you know what I mean). Then it's a Detour choice between a confusing boat task and an even more confusing public transit task. Kat and Nat steal the lead from Jill and Thomas at the last minute and win yet another leg. Nick encourages Vicki to quit, but she chokes through it and finishes, but then Nick quits on the Detour, literally falling asleep on her in the middle of the leg. And he can't even quit properly, because of course it's a non-elimination leg and their only consequences are a six-hour penalty and a Speed Bump in the leg. Well, that and being with/being Nick.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!I don't know what that is, but this is Dhaka, Bangladesh. Over some mournfully exotic vocalizing, Phil reminds us that it's the most densely populated city in the world -- the equivalent of if the entire population of the United States and Mexico all moved to Los Angeles. Which I think many Angelenos suspect has already happened. But at the opposite end of the crowdedness spectrum is Lalbagh Fort, whose vast lawns are quite a contrast from the street scenes out of Soylent Green. Phil explains, "Like India's Taj Mahal, this complex is the elaborate tomb of a princess who died before her time and was the ninth Pit Stop in a race around the world." Which I think marks the first time a princess, dead or alive, got to be a Pit Stop.
Jill and Thomas, who arrived hours before everyone else, will be leaving at 8:25 AM. "Fly to Hong Kong," Thomas reads. Phil, who is unusually garrulous this week, explains that this means "leaving behind the old-world exotica of Bangladesh," and a 3,500 mile flight to "the ultramodern urban jungle." Then they'll take buses, boats, and ferries to Cheung Chau island to find Cheung Po Tsai Cave, the site of the clue box. And, let's hope, an angry bear.
Thomas and Jill get into a taxi and take it to the travel agency. Thomas reminds us that they U-Turned Brook and Claire in the last leg, since they thought they were the most competitive team. There's certainly a case for that. Jill says they haven't seen any teams at all, so they have no idea who's left. Thomas remarks, "I'd be okay with not seeing any of the teams until we win the million dollars." I think some of the other teams would feel the same way, especially if Jill and Thomas never actually win a million dollars.
At the travel agency, they are informed that the earliest flight to Hong Kong leaves at 11:55...tonight. Of course it does. They didn't really think they'd get to hold onto that multi-hour lead, did they? Thomas suggests going back to the hotel to kill some time. And possibly themselves.
Nick and Vicki are leaving in second place, at 1:59 PM, more than five hours behind Jill and Thomas. "Thank God," Nick moans upon learning they're leaving the country. As they go to get into one of the cabs waiting on the lawn, Vicki interviews about how much their relationship has grown during the race. Yeah, it's still pretty early in the episode. She says she's working mainly on calming him down, which she thinks is working. Which it will, until it doesn't anymore. As for Nick, he solo-interviews that "Before Vicki, I didn't care for anybody's feelings, and Vicki's really opened my eyes to, uh...it doesn't get you anywhere." So he's learned that being nice to people can help him get what he wants? I guess that's a start. Then it gets weird, as he says he's lucky and that Vicki is a blessing. He even tears up. Okay, maybe this interview was shot after what happens later, because this isn't making much sense in the current context. And even less in later context. Okay, maybe dude is just losing it.
Nat and Kat are leaving at 4:05 PM, in third place. That's more than seven hours behind Jill and Thomas, so the latter team expanded their lead in Dhaka, if anything. The doctors are excited to be going to Hong Kong. Kat says she's been there, and that Nat will love it. "Am I gonna be taller than everybody?" Nat asks. Yes, everybody except for Phil.
Brook and Claire are in fourth and last place at 5:15 PM. Brook is also looking forward to tallness, although in the sense of seeing it (i.e., Hong Kong's skyscrapers) rather than being it. Claire interviews that "Usually when you U-Turn somebody you never see them again." Until TARcon, that is. I've seen it and it's ugly (okay, it's really not). "But Brook and I are the only U-Turned people that have ever survived on the race." If only I felt like taking the time to research and verify that. They're looking forward to making Thomas uncomfortable when they see him. In fact, Claire thinks he's going to "Poop his pants." That may be overstating the case a bit.
Jill and Thomas head back to the airport at night, hoping not to see Brook and Claire. thing you know, we're at Shahjalal International Airport, where the other three teams are checking in, Team @ asking their agent for seats as close to the front as possible. And when Jill and Thomas arrive, they see the people they done wrong, who turn around and look at them like, "Well?" As Jill and Thomas slowly approach, Brook quietly tells Claire to "Stay classy." They come over and say hi, and Jill pathetically begs, "Don't hate us." Claire asks why they were the targets, and Thomas says he thought they were the strongest team. Claire doesn't buy it, pointing out the number of legs Nat and Kat have won, but Thomas argues that the doctors have also almost been eliminated more times. "I mean, as bad as it sounds, you should almost take it as a compliment," Thomas says lamely. Rather than feeling the warm fuzzies, they sarcastically thank him. He tries to throw his girlfriend under the bus, but they're not buying that either. Brook shakes his hand and says they'll see him out there, which I guess is her way of saying, "Bring it." Walking away, Jill says, "I fell really bad about that encounter, but there's not much you can do." "I don't," Thomas says, surprising no one. Brook says that if Jill and Thomas were threatened before, "They should be petrified now." And then both of them do a little Catwoman pose and nobody will ever be scared of them ever again.
The plane takes off at night, and an Amazing Red Line traces its route from Dhaka to Singapore to Hong Kong. Lots of skyscrapers, flags, and dragons accompany a shot of the plane landing. I always wonder if it's the actual plane or if the camera crews just shoot some random aircraft from the same airline. The typical scramble through the airport ensues, although it's somewhat atypical in the sense that an Amazing Cameraman is briefly in view. Jill and Thomas are the first to find and board a bus, leaving the other three teams in their dust. Nick and Vicki catch up with Team @ on the platform, while Jill and Thomas enjoy their lead and the view. The other three teams get on the trailing bus, Vicki certain Jill and Thomas got on the first one. "It's a footrace," she says. I'm starting to think that people on this season don't know what that word means, so let me clarify: it does not mean that another team is on the motorized conveyance ahead of yours.
Jill and Thomas run off the bus at the ferry port, and get on a ferry that's leaving for Cheung Chau at 4:45 PM, which tells you how late in the day this part of the leg is starting. The boat's even marked "FIRST FERRY" on the side, which I hope they appreciate. The bus with the other three teams arrives soon after, and all six of them scatter around aimlessly. Waiting for the boat to cast off, Thomas frets that "Right before the doors lift these guys are going to be Indiana Jones-ing in." Complete with a giant round boulder pursuing them down the gangplank. Actually, Team @ and Team QVC are just getting their ferry tickets, while Vicki's asthmatic lungs are failing her. "Let's GO!" Nick yells sympathetically at her. Sure enough, the ladies all make it onto the ferry, while Nick keeps yelling at Vicki to hurry up, so angrily that an Amazing Cameraman looks away at a skyscraper instead. It's Two International Finance Center, by the way, Hong Kong's tallest building up until this year, and hey, look who else is trying to avoid this confrontation. The ferry departs with three teams on board, leaving Nick and Vicki with no choice but to wait for the one departing in thirty minutes. Vicki apologizes to Nick. "I'm sick of you being sorry," he says, keeping it classy and showing Vicki how well that "keeping him calm" thing is working out for her.
After the ads, the argument picks up where it left off, which Nick telling Vicki to keep up from now on, "Because I'm not waiting for your ass ever again." She tells Nick "it's not worth stressing over," but he disagrees. "Gotta suck it up," he snaps. Vicki starts crying, and he asks her why, like he doesn't know. "We stop, we go home," he says. I'll have to remember he said all this in the event someone stops at some point during this leg, for whatever reason. Vicki keeps crying and tells us, "He keeps yelling at me." Yes ,we've noticed that. "He's never had asthma so he doesn't know what it feels like." And if he did, I'm sure he'd say something empathetic like, "Quit crying." Oh, never mind, that's what he says anyway.
The first ferry docks at Cheung Chau island, and the teams run through a seaside boardwalk-type area. Except not so much for Claire, who isn't much of a runner, in case you haven't heard.
"This sucks so bad," Nick says as he and Vicki get on the later ferry. Could be worse; the ferry could sink. Or it could be better; only Nick could sink.
Jill/Thomas and Nat/Kat find the clue on a cliff uphill a ways and read, "Ferry yourselves to Kowloon," which is another area of Hong Kong. Then they'll have to find the Majesty Chinese Restaurant, which is where their clue is. I thought Chinese restaurants in China were just restaurants, which shows what I know. Brook and Claire arrive at the clue box just as the other two teams are leaving, and Brook hurries an increasingly sweaty Claire along after they get their clue. On the way back to the ferry, Claire complains that she can't be athletic, and Brook says, "But you can be tough." In an interview, Claire says this isn't what she does (Brook shakes her head like, no shit), and goes on to say that she's impressed with herself if she runs even a little. She should go on The Amazing Race, then. Back in real time, she tells Brook she has to do this at her own pace. "Of course. Heaven forbid you do it at anyone else's," Brook snipes. Yeowch! Having delivered that barb, she then decrees, "Let's not talk, let's just focus and run." Nice for her. They just barely end up making the ferry with the other two teams, and Brook says, "Let's hug it out." "We did suck it out, "Claire says. Brook clarifies, and they hug it out. I missed the sucking it out, though.
On the ferry to the island, Nick is still bitching, and Vicki's asking him to "take that out of your head." She could mean either the negativity, or the brain implant that aliens put there to test the limits of human assholery. "I wish we would have never came here," Nick says. Well, that makes several million of us.
They arrive at the island before the other ferry reaches Kowloon, but not by much. Nat and Kat are the first team to get a cab, followed by Jill and Thomas, then Team QVC, as Brook mistakenly asks the driver for "Majestic Chinese Restaurant." Nick and Vicki get their Majesty clue in last place. Nat and Kat are the first to actually reach said restaurant, which helpfully has signage in English as well as Mandarin. Inside is a boisterous scene, with locals singing karaoke on a low but huge stage. A chef stationed at the clue box yells over the racket, "Welcome to our restaurant!" Nat and Kat open the clue for a Road Block and read, "Who's feeling peckish?" Nick is! Oh, sorry, I thought they said "prickish."
Phil starts talking about Hong Kong's famous buffets, which are barely more famous than all the fake food made in Hong Kong to be shown in restaurant display windows. Now, one racer will have to use chopsticks to "peck" though the giant buffet here at Majesty, looking for fake food items. Which will be hard, because there are only five of them among the thousands of real morsels spread on the table. And if they pick up something that turns out to be genuine, they have to eat it. They'll get their clue after finding a fake. Nat will be taking this one. She makes her way across the big, loud room to hover over the buffet. She picks up something in an oyster shell, but it's real, so she has to eat it. Good thing it's tasty. And good thing they decided not to give this one to the vegetarian on the team.
Jill and Thomas arrive , and Thomas is feeling peckish. He joins Nat at the buffet, and soon finds himself having to eat one of the same things Nat already ate, which he describes as "nasty." No accounting for taste, which is why he and Nick have girlfriends. In comes Brook, screaming like the loon she is as she runs up to the clue box. Claire offers to do it, assuming from the performers up on the stage that this will be karaoke. Yeah, that would be a no. See, Claire, how the singing is being done not by the people you've been racing with for the last three weeks but by people you've never seen before? That might have been a clue. Brook goes over and joins Kat and Jill at the waiting area at the end of the karaoke stage, and immediately begins dancing, getting way too much encouragement from the crowd.
Meanwhile, Claire is starting the Road Block, and in an interview she complains that none of the Road Blocks she's done have been what she thought they were going to be -- from the watermelon in the face to the bridge in Norway, complete with black-and-white flashbacks -- and now Claire tells us that she hasn't been eating "any of the food" the whole race because she's too picky. I don't know what she means by "any of the food," but this should be fun for her. By now Brook's leading Jill and Kat in a synchronized dance, because she is Brook. Nat presents a hunk of pink fish to the chef, and while she's waiting for the verdict, Brook gets even more Brook-like, heading out onto the floor to work the crowd. I hope nobody's there to actually eat or anything; it's bad enough to have to watch a trio of sloppy Americans dripping sweat on the buffet without also having to become a cheering section for one of them. But at least now there's one less sweaty American; Nat got it right, so they're in first place as she reads from their clue, "Enter the Dragon," which happens to be the title of a Bruce Lee film. Phil explains that their move is to get to Avenue of the Stars, where they'll have to figure out that they are in fact looking for a statue of Bruce Lee. Fortunately for everyone involved, there is one. Off they go. "That could take a long time," Nat says once they're safely in their cab. She doesn't know the half of it.
Nick and Vicki's ferry leaves and they're on their way to Kowloon. "We're doing what we can do," she says. Since Nick is only pouting, that would seem to be accurate.
Back at the restaurant, Thomas has put together a strategy based on the following premise: "I cant eat everything on this table, I know that much." Claire is also searching.
Nat and Kat arrive at Avenue of Stars in what's starting to look like early evening. And by the time they actually find the statue, the sky is turning periwinkle. Here's Phil, in full dark, shedding some light on the Detour options. "Hong Kong is a city with its feet firmly planted in the both the present and the past," but this week's choices will be more about the latter. For the one called "Ding Ding," (heh, dirty) the teams will have to get on one of the double-decker cable cars (called, presumably, ding dings) that have been running in the city for a hundred years. They'll have to watch for three different signs out the window that will tell them where the Pit Stop is (they read, respectively, "Pit Stop," "Statue," and "Square"), and if they get to the end of the line without figuring it out, they'll have to start over. For "Sampan," the teams will collect a wooden cage holding two parakeets on the inside and a tag with a long number on the outside. Then they'll carry the cage onto one of the old boats known as sampans, and ride through Aberdeen Harbor (there's a glaring remnant of colonialism for you) until they find a boat whose registration number matches the tag on the birdcage. Then they'll get their clue. Nat and Kat are going for that one. "Thanks, Dragon," Nat calls out as they leave, I think just to remind us that they are nerds.
Claire and Thomas are both searching, and both doing a lot of eating. Thomas finds a fake red prawn, and the whole restaurant erupts in cheers when the chef approves. He and Jill are off to the Avenue of Stars in second place while Brook tells Claire that she can focus now. Claire, who has her face almost all the way into a basket of wontons, appears to be way ahead of her on that score.
Nick and Vicki are just now getting off the ferry in Kowloon and getting a cab to what Vicki also incorrectly refers to as "Majestic." Team @ arrives at "Jumbo Kingdom Dock" (seriously, that's what it's called), and it's almost completely dark outside, so they're wearing their headlamps. Good thing, too, because they almost walked right past the guy in the sidewalk with the parakeet cages, but they end up duly birded by the time they walk over to the waiting sampans and opt for the one with a female pilot. As their craft trolls slowly through the harbor, they use handheld searchlights to scan the boats docked tightly together on each side of the channel, quickly discovering that this is even trickier than it seems due to the fact that all the boats have their registration numbers in different places. Are there no standards for that kind of thing in Hong Kong?
Jill and Thomas find the Bruce Lee statue in second place, and Thomas decides on Ding Ding. Nick and Vicki arrive at Majesty, where those same two karaoke singers are still tirelessly performing with no sign of letting up (although the same cannot be said of Claire). Vicki's doing the Road Block, and Nick is actually encouraging for this brief, shining moment, I guess because he sees that Claire is still there and they might have a chance to pass her up. Speaking of Claire, Brook confides to us, "She's supposed to be on a diet for her wedding." Looks like that's out the window.
In between searching for their boat, Kat's blowing a bird whistle at their parakeets for some reason. Not sure what the purpose of that is, other than the race's increasingly rare tendency to make the racers look ridiculous for no reason.
Jill and Thomas get on the ding ding, and soon find themselves in the unenviable position of searching through the millions of lighted signs for the three they want. There are needle/haystack tasks, to be sure, but this is a whole needle/haystack episode. "It's going to be something distinct...it's going to be something that stands out," Thomas says optimistically as they coast right past the sign reading "PIT STOP." He tells her to keep her eyes open as they both miss "Statue" and "Square" as well. Less talky, more looky.
Back at the restaurant, Nick and Brook are still cheering their partners on in their own wildly divergent ways, but Claire's about to throw up. She finally loses it and runs for the bathroom, much to Nick's amusement, where an Amazing Sound Guy captures every nuance of her Road Block hitting the toilet. You can almost hear the Emmy.
After the ads, Brook has stationed herself supportively outside Claire's bathroom stall. "It was like The Exorcist," Claire interviews. And it sounds like it's still coming out (in the bathroom, that is, not during the interview). Well, the good news is that her wedding diet is back on track. After she's done, she warns that she's probably going to have to come back to the bathroom before they're finished. "That's what they did in Renaissance times," Brook remarks matter-of-factly. I think it was more Roman, but whatever. I'm just glad I didn't have to recap it on that show, because you just know there would be murders and sex happening at the same time and there wouldn't have been a bathroom stall door to protect us.
Claire gets a big cheer from the whole restaurant when she returns to the table, and Vicki asks if she's okay. Nick, of course, tells Vicki not to worry about Claire. "Ralph number one," he laughs. Claire finds a slice of something to bring to the chef, and dances around him while he checks it and gives her a yes. Hugs all over, including diners, and now they have to get into a taxi to Avenue of the Stars with Claire's "barf-breath."
Nat and Kat are still searching for their boat, and Jill and Thomas seem to be on their second run at the ding ding task. "Only an idiot would do something like this," Jill says; as they keep missing signs until they decide to switch tasks. So I guess that means they aren't idiots any more.
Nick tells Vicki to take her time looking before picking anything up, but she eats something else anyway. "My stomach can't take all this food," she says. She interviews that she's picky with sushi anyway, and the warm fish was too much. "Don't grab at the first thing you see," Nick says, which is strange because I think that may be how Vicki ended up dating him.
Jill and Thomas arrive at the docks, collect their parakeet cage, and jump onto a boat. They soon encounter Nat and Kat out in the harbor, who are still having no luck, and Jill calls across the water that they've already been to the other Detour, ignoring the shushing from Thomas. "Was it hard?" Nat asks. No, it was so easy they finished in five seconds and came to do this one just for fun.
Brook and Claire get their clue near the Bruce Lee statue and get on their way, just in time for a nerdy tourist to drop a quick photobomb. He wouldn't do that to the real live Bruce Lee. Back on the harbor, Thomas actually apologizes to Jill for something (looking on her side of the boat), and they agree to be thorough. Sure enough, they soon find their boat and tell the pilot to pull alongside. They swap their birds with that boat's captain for the clue, which is some kind of blank form on which is simply written "Pit Stop Statue Square." I guess it wouldn't be fair to give them more info than they would have gotten on the Ding Ding task. Phil says this means they need to get to the Center of Hong Kong, the location of Statue Square. "Built in the nineteenth century to honor royalty from colonial England, it is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to check in here may be eliminated." Yes, they may. But who's going to eliminate Phil's white pants and black shirt?
Team @ is still, still searching. At last they find it, and make the clue/parakeet swap as quickly as they can.
Jill and Thomas land back at the dock, but now they have to find a taxi, which proves tricky at this hour in this part of town. And Nat and Kat have already landed as well. They flag down a taxi about fifty feet behind Jill and Thomas's backs while the latter team is quizzing a driver, apparently at great length, about whether he can get them to Statue Square. It looks like the doctors are going to get away clean, until their driver pulls over to Jill and Thomas's putative driver to offer help, I guess just as professional courtesy. Team @ looks up from their map long enough to tell him to get going, and Jill yells at Thomas to get in the car. Which they do, while Jill bemoans their lost lead. Which they had for all of the time it took to sail back to the dock.
Brook and Claire arrive at the dock, get their parakeets, and get on a boat with them, where they immediately start wasting time tormenting the birds with the whistle. "At one point, the bird had his whole head in his water bowl, like he was going to drown himself." Brook and Claire are also noticing the large number of boats in the harbor. It's hard not to, even in the pitch dark. And they're getting no help at all from their parakeet, Ophelia.
Back at Majesty, patrons are starting to leave. Nick tells Vicki to swallow without chewing. "I hate Chinese food," she complains, without specifying whether this has always been true or just a recent development.
Now we're back to the race to win the leg, which involves a lot of cutting back and forth between Jill/Thomas, Nat/Kat, and Phil/Elaborately Costumed Female Greeter. Phil points at an approaching team, and the winners of this leg are...Nat and Kat. Enjoy the trip to Rio, doctors. After the interviews, they agree that they're glad to be doing this with each other, and then cuddle. Maybe they'll enjoy that trip to Rio more than I thought.
Jill and Thomas arrive in a close second, and are pretty happy about it, especially considering they started this leg hours in front of everyone else.
In less encouraging news, Team QVC is still searching the harbor, and the Majesty is rapidly emptying out. But there are still enough people to make a loud "Awww," when Vicki's latest guess to the chef turns out to be wrong. Nick again advises her not to chew, and gets frustrated when she doesn't listen. "You're not even supposed to chew a mussel!" he bitches, which is not the kind of thing you want to hear in the middle of an eating challenge. "You're supposed to swallow it." Then, as she runs to the bathroom to pull a Claire, he whines, "Aw, man." Like Brook, he follows her to the outside of her stall door, but unlike Brook, he suggests quitting the Detour and taking the penalty. "Can't keep throwing up all night... this isn't worth it. That's for sure." Says the guy who yelled at her for not running fast enough during an asthma attack this very day. And for the second time this episode, we are ushered into a commercial break by the sound of a woman vomiting. Lovely.
Coming back, Nick keeps asking Vicki if she wants to quit, but she doesn't. Remember earlier in the race, in St. Petersburg, when she said they aren't quitters? Clearly she was only talking about herself. "It's supposed to be fun, this isn't fun," Nick whines. No, you idiot, it isn't always supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be challenging and difficult and exhausting and infuriating and miles out of your comfort zone, but it isn't supposed to be uniformly fun. At least not for the racers. It's supposed to be fun for us, but I'm just finding it exhausting and infuriating right now. Vicki interviews after the fact that the only way she would have quit is if she'd passed out, which is not the last time the subject of racing to unconsciousness will come up with them. By the time she finally returns to the dining room, it's being closed down for the night. She has to keep searching and eating, and after a few more rounds, she finally gets it. The chef's almost as surprised and relieved as she is, and they're still in it. For now. Off to the Avenue of Stars.
Brook and Claire are continuing to be frustrated, and Nick and Vicki seem to be actually catching up, reaching the Bruce Lee statue after it's begun pissing down rain. They decide on "shampan." Which Brook and Claire are still doing, Brook calling out the number on their cage-tag like it's going to answer them across the darkness. Soon Nick and Vicki are also birded up and searching the harbor. "It should be so hard at nighttime to do this," Nick whines, like all of the other teams didn't have to do the same. Claire spots the boat they're looking for, so their third-place rank is secure. Although Brook actually says she hopes Nick and Vicki got caught up, which is awfully generous of her. I'm sure Nick would say the same thing in her place.
Nick and Vicki almost have caught up, but Nick has lapped everyone else when it comes to bitching: "Hide and go seek in the damn dark for a number that's not even in order?" Well, if it were in order, it wouldn't be much of a hunt, would it? And he's not even helping when Vicki picks out a number with her light and asks if that's it; he just says, "I don't know anything." Which is the first true thing he's said this leg."God, I wanna just choke somebody. And throw the birds overboard, too." Vicki doesn't get how they're missing it, and neither does Nick: "I just know I'm ready to be done." Okay, what exactly has he done that's worn him out so?
Brook and Claire get off the boat and get a taxi to Statue Square, thinking they're still in danger from "the punk rockers. "Which they're really not, because Vicki is effectively doing this Detour alone while Nick kvetches. "I'm not gonna sit out here until sunup, that's for damn sure. Sit out here looking like a fool looking for a damn boat in the middle of the night with a flashlight." Yeah, Nick? That's not what's going to make you look like a fool. Vicki still doesn't want to give up, "after all we've been through today," like "we" had to power through an asthma attack and vomit up gallons of warm sushi. "I don't care if you don't like to quit, it's over, all right? I'm done." So there's an example of how much he cares about other people's feelings. And then he actually lies down on the deck for a nap. "You want to waste your time, waste your own damn time." Is there something else he needs to be doing with that time? An appointment to make, some errands to run? What else has he got going on in Hong Kong in the middle of the night that takes precedence over trying to win a million dollars? "I'd much rather take the six-hour penalty, I could care less." A quitter, and he uses bad grammar. Well, if he's going to go to sleep, I wish he'd just shut up and do it, rather than whining about all the food and sleep he's missing. Eventually he pulls his bandanna down over his eyes (alas, not his mouth) and conks out, while Vicki keeps searching alone. "Kind of makes me mad," she says, with a much higher level of justification than Nick has had for any of his complaints, but she's still not quitting. "This is probably the worst day ever. I'm on my own." In other words, there's bad news and good news.
Team QVC arrives at Statue Square, and are pretty happy to be team number three. They're going to feel a little silly about that when they see it.
Vicki's still awake, searching alone. Eventually Nick wakes up and bitches, "You're still wasting your time? Jeez Louise, you are the hardest-headed person in the world." And then, not content to leave her to the task, he gets up and says, "Get me out of this place." Apparently it's four in the morning. "Can't wait to be home," Nick says, agreeing with a nation of millions who also can't wait for him to be home either (not counting his neighbors in Las Vegas). While he packs up in the background, Vicki tells us that she's not going to do this by herself, so the S.S. Failure returns to the Giving Up Dock so they can take their six-hour penalty and catch a Loser Taxi to the Quit Stop. Even the parakeet guy looks embarrassed for them as he hands over their clue sending them to Statue Square. Vicki interviews that it was really hard to swallow, and considering what she's already swallowed today, that's saying something. "Every bit of today sucked," Nick whines. Now, that's not true; I saw him laughing earlier, when Claire was vomiting. He at least enjoyed the part of the day where he got to take pleasure in the suffering and misery of a fellow human being.
Eventually they make it to Statue Square, where poor Phil and that poor greeter have apparently been waiting all night, although at least now they have an umbrella. He tells them they're the last team to arrive. "I'm sorry to tell you that...this is a non-elimination leg, you are still in the race." Not as sorry as we are to hear it.
Okay, so we knew since the end of last week that this was going to have to be the third non-elimination leg. With two episodes left, they're not going to make the final three teams run two legs in a row. Even so, I really don't think Nick was trying to game the system by counting on a non-elimination leg, even if a guy who doesn't know how Fast Forwards work were savvy enough to make that play. He sincerely just wanted out of the race. Which is just about the nicest thing I can say about him right now. I'm probably the only person not affiliated with the show or the network who actually doesn't mind the non-elimination legs. If my favorite team seems doomed, or if two teams I like are racing for the second-to-last spot on the mat, I can always tell myself that this might be the non-elimination leg. Sure, it usually isn't, and more often it spares a team I don't like (as has just happened for the second time this season, for example), but it's a better way to keep suspense going at the end of a blowout leg than transparently deceptive editing.
That said, I wish there had been a way to ditch it this time. At least now we know why Nick's been getting the villain edit: given the way he fucked up both this episode and the one, the producers would have been justified in digitally altering his image so that he had swastika-shaped horns and a half-eaten baby. His quitting -- excuse me, his attempt to quit -- is a giant fuck you to them, Vicki, the other teams who never gave up and still went home before him, all the people who tried out for this season and didn't get cast, everyone who will have to compete against him in the leg, and everyone who watches this show to see people compete. All right, now I'm done defending Nick.
Anyway, Vicki's as blown away as her level of exhaustion will allow her to be, while Nick just stands there looking blank. Phil warns them that there will be a Speed Bump for them in the leg. Plus there's that six-hour penalty to contend with, which will force them to arrive at the airport only three hours in advance of the flight out of here that everyone else will be taking. Vicki says, 'We're gonna do what we can do. We don't want to quit the race." Nick's looking at her like, "Speak for yourself." She adds that Nick's temper makes everything ten times worse. "But we are a team so we're gonna have to do it together." Nick's just standing there looking like he's waiting for the cameras to shut off so he can ask what it's going to take to get him off this race for good, which is a question I've been asking since October. In a post-leg interview, Vicki says they'll have to do better; "You didn't deal with anything today good." Nick apologizes, saying he wants to be better to Vicki every day. And Vicki actually, at long last, has the backbone to say she needs to see changes rather than more sorries. "I didn't come here to quit," she declares. She may just have brought the wrong partner, then.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.