In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Instead of flying to the city, teams have to take a ferry across the Baltic Sea to Tallinn, Estonia. And since it leaves more than 15 hours after the Globetrotters do, the wide time gaps created by the leg are effectively wiped out. Then it's a Road Block where they have to wander around the headquarters of an ancient brotherhood looking for their clue -- an apparently blank scroll that needs to be held up to a candle to be readable. Flight Time runs into trouble, attempting to reveal the clue by scribbling on the whole scroll, but he does better than Matt, who after a lame Speed Bump that consists of a five-minute sauna on a bus, is stumped by the word "candelabra" and then makes the same mistake as Flight Time, as well as failing to read the whole clue and then ending up missing the clue box later. On the way to a mud volleyball Detour, Brian's theory of race karma is tested and found wanting -- or Meghan and Cheyne are, depending how you look at it. Meanwhile, tension rises between the Sam|Dan and the Globetrotters, even as they share a taxi. Meghan and Cheyne kick ass at the mud volleyball Detour and reach the Pit Stop first while three teams pull a minor Tammy|Victor and miss the marked path. It's not enough to let Gary and Matt catch up, at least until Brian and Ericka work on their slingshot Detour while the Globetrotters and the brothers struggle with the mud (and the Amazing Editors struggle with the brothers' groin-bulges). After the Detour, the footrace for second place between Sam|Dan and the Globetrotters gets ugly, with Big Easy issuing some barely-veiled threats on the mat. Brian and Ericka check in fourth, and after Gary and Matt finish the slingshot Detour, they're finished in the race.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see Who We Think Will Win.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!"This is Stockholm, Sweden," Phil informs us from the railing of a pedestrian bridge with a big tacky gold crown on the railing behind him. "The birthplace of dynamite, the Nobel Peace Prize, and supergroup ABBA." And most people tend to think the third thing probably should be introduced to either one or the other of the first two. Except the Pit Stop was way out in the sticks at Bögs Gård farm, so who knows what we're doing back in the capital?
Okay, now we're back at the farm. I'm going to get whiplash. With only five teams left, Flight Time and Big Easy, who arrived first, are seen using a laptop to check out the trip they won on the leg. This is actually what I hate most about the gnome-toting legs: the following episode always has this irritating scene in it. But Flight Time almost redeems this one by saying, "I hope we have double beds," which brings to mind any number of alternate scenarios, all of them amusing. Anyway, now they get to leave the Pit Stop at 2:23 AM. "Cross the Baltic Sea to Tallinn, Estonia," Flight Time reads from their clue. The Amazing Red Line, making sure it doesn't get left out again this week, jumps the gun by showing the ferry's route across the Baltic, which Phil says is a 236-mile voyage. Then they'll have to "figure out" how to open a door to a building called Mustpeade, which is "the secret lair of the Brotherhood of the Black Heads." Not so secret any more now, is it? That's where the clue will be found.
But first comes the issue of how to get there, and where to find the ferry. "I'm thinking downtown Stockholm," Flight Time suggests as they walk to the car they drove to the farm in the leg. They interview that they're hoping to widen their lead against the brothers, who they describe as "a tough team." When they reach the outskirts of Stockholm, they get someone to lead them through the city to the ferry terminal. Which is closed, and the sign on the locked door doesn't give a departure time. Fortunately, there's an intercom button. Unfortunately, the voice at the other end tells them the boat is at 17:45. Yes, that's 5:45 PM, more than 15 hours after their departure time. No way of knowing what time it is now, but the eastern sky is beginning to lighten. "So much for our lead," Big Easy says. As if we should expect anything else at this point. I admire his competitive spirit, though; at this point in the race, if I had to leave my bed at two in the morning only to face a half-day wait for a boat to leave, I'd be more upset about the sleep I'd lost. Hell, I'm more upset about that now, on their behalf.
It's much lighter outside by the time Meghan and Cheyne leave the Pit Stop, almost two hours after the Globetrotters, at 4:12 AM. They give us a better look at the ring of skeleton keys all teams are apparently issued at the Pit Stop, complete with an octagonal leather key fob marked "Mustpeade." I'm sure Mustpeade is quite the venerable landmark and all, but to me the name just sounds like a non-native English speaker trying to explain why he had to stop at a gas station. They get in their car, and Cheyne decides they'll flag someone down and Meghan can "work [her] magic." She interviews that the dynamic of the race is changing: "These teams that you've worked with in the past, you can't really work with them." Even though there are exactly as many teams as there were when they worked with Sam last week. Although of course, with the mingling out of the picture, we can't be sure she knows that. Cheyne cuts off a taxi and makes Meghan jump out to charm directions out of the driver, which seems not to much "magical" as "dangerous." The two are often mistaken for each other.
It's full daylight when Brian and Ericka leave, even though the subtitle says it's only 4:37 AM. I realize the higher latitude makes for shorter nights in the summer, but between this and Cambodia, I'm starting to suspect that the rest of the world are much bigger morning people than we are. Brian interviews that they're not worried about not having won a leg yet. "During Miss America, Ericka didn't win any preliminaries the whole time and she brought home the crown. The only leg that matters is that final leg." Remind me to look into how many winners of the Amazing Race never won a leg before the final one. We see him waving down a taxi that's passing him on the road and getting him to pull over, and he talks about he fun sport of "lassoing taxis." The producers make a note of adding that to the roster of tasks for season.
Sam and Dan are departing at 5:04 AM, and Sam is more excited about going to Estonia than anyone has ever been who is not both from Estonia and also forgot all their shit there when they left. They look at the ten keys they've been given, and interview about their meltdown during the last leg. "We shouldn't waste our time fighting about stupid things and yelling at each other." So they seem to agree to return to Stockholm without too much conflict. Or maybe it's just because returning to Stockholm wasn't stupid enough.
Brian and Ericka are the to reach the ferry terminal, and the first thing they see is an Amazing Mercedes with a pair of very large sneakers under the door, like it's a hotel room on wheels. Either one of the Globetrotters forgot about his shoes or they're just too stank to share the small space with their owner. The Americas peek in the car windows to see if the Globetrotters are sleeping inside, which is a little rude. Meghan and Cheyne arrive shortly thereafter, and the teams quickly spot each other. The Americas have apparently woken the Globetrotters, who tell them they'll all be on the same boat some time after five. Ericka's reaction is unsurprising:" Oh, hell no." Meghan and Cheyne aren't thrilled either. I bet they would feel a lot better about this if they'd known about it in the hay field yesterday.
Speaking of which, Gary and Matt, the greatest beneficiaries of this long delay, finally open their clue at 6:29 AM, more than four hours behind the Globetrotters but less than an hour and a half after Sam and Dan. So I guess that tells us how long Gary was at the unrolling.. After opening their clue with its reminder that there's a Speed Bump in their near future, they head for their car at a run. Gary says he's glad that Matt has seen his flaws and still accepts him as his father. Is that why they never hung out when Matt was growing up? If so, that's just sad.
The brothers reach the ferry terminal and find the door for the Tallinn ferry, called the "Tallink," a name of which I heartily approve. Once they spot the other teams inside the terminal, we get an interview clip of Big Easy judging the brothers for their behavior during the last leg. "We feel like we should be ahead of them once we get on the mat," he says. I'm going to assume that clip was heavily edited, because I can't see either of those guys claiming they deserve a higher rank because they get along with each other better than another team does. That would be some Mirna shit right there. Sam, by contrast, states his best-case scenario in which he and Dan win the leg and the Globetrotters are eliminated. Sure, keep hope alive, but I think Mika and Canaan blew the best chance of that happening before the final three.
Gary and Matt find the ticket windows and get their tickets. And then, presumably, an entire business day passes, and the teams cross a long, enclosed skyway to board a ferry the size of a small cruise ship. We also learn from Gary and Matt that it's a sixteen-hour trip, and Gary adds, "This ship may have saved our race life here." The ship's like, "Hey, I can only do so much." As much as the fact that a 236-mile trip takes sixteen hours might suggest that the passengers are expected to row, they're actually traveling in luxury, with cabins of their own that have fold-down beds and everything. Which I know I would appreciate after leaving that early to spend a day waiting around in the ferry terminal. In fact, if I ever have reason to travel to Estonia, I'm going by way of Stockholm just so I can sleep for the last sixteen hours of the trip. They all gather at the rail to wave farewell to Sweden like they're on The Love Boat or something. Out on the deck, Gary and Matt interview about the seriousness of their situation, which Matt is reflecting by wearing a black headband instead of the usual green. Whoa, heavy.
It's an overnight voyage, of course, and the morning, as the ship docks, all the passengers are gathered waiting for the doors to open. Sometimes I wonder why we never see them spend any time going through customs, and this is one of those times. When the doors are unlocked and opened, they find themselves running on another one of those skyways, which is much longer than they expected. "Y'all getting' tired, huh? We still jogging!" Big Easy crows as he and Flight Time pass them all. He interviews that his strategy is to make everybody want to beat them. Which I don't get, but I guess that either way, someone will be happy.
Outside the ferry terminal, Meghan and Cheyne are the first to cab up and get on their way, with Sam and Dan right behind them and Brian and Ericka securing the third taxi, even though Brian thinks they might be first. Gary and Matt land fourth, with the Globetrotters bringing up the rear. Maybe they should have stopped jogging sooner.
Meghan and Cheyne's cabbie drops them at the end of an alley in picturesque downtown Tallinn and directs them to the third house on the left, and they hop out just as the brothers are pulling up behind them. Both teams end up at the ornate green door at about the same time, although Meghan loses precious seconds being distracted by the sign for Gary and Matt's Speed Bump. But then she's the one who finds the "keyhole," a tiny gouge in the stone surrounding the door, and puts Cheyne to work doing trial-and-error with the key ring they got back in Sweden. As Brian and Ericka approach, Cheyne finds the right key, which triggers a loud alarm, but also opens the door. So this "hideout" emits a piercing shriek every time someone enters or exits? This is the worst secret society ever. The four of them rush inside, Meghan telling the brothers to close it behind them as she and Cheyne hurry across the entryway to the clue box.
Gary and Matt's cabbie apparently gets to take them farther than the other teams' did, because it catches up with the still-jogging Americas on the approach to Mustpeade. Meanwhile, inside, the two lead teams open envelopes announcing a Road Block.
Suddenly we're at a banquet for the Estonian chapter of the Society for Creative Anachronism, with dudes in medieval hoods and robes boisterously raising goblets of mead or whatnot around a long table. This must be the Brotherhood of the Black Heads, whose name at first made me think of some people I went to high school with. Seeing these guys now just makes me think of those same people even more. Phil narrates, "The Brotherhood of the Black Heads is a secret society of merchants that has existed in Estonia for at least six hundred years." Which must be why no one seems to object that their logo is a cartoonish profile of a dark-skinned man. Although it's not really clear how they've lasted this long, since they seem rather prone to swordfighting each other for no apparent reason. But on to the Road Block, in which Phil claims "One person will join the ranks of the Brotherhood to uncover a mystery." Which is some bold overstatement, even for Phil. What they really have to do is head down to the cellar, find a candelabra with a room number hanging from it, and then find the room in the house that corresponds to that number. There, they'll receive a scroll that looks blank, but will reveal the clue if held over a candle flame. Or it will burn down this priceless, historically significant six-hundred-year-old building, one of the two. Sam is taking this one, and Meghan rushes Cheyne into joining him. Both men head inside, past a woman in period costume playing a recorder at the head of the stairs, and down to the basement. Because this episode has a few points where things get a bit dada, I should probably clarify that when I say "period costume," I mean that the recorder player is wearing a fifteenth-century dress and not a giant tampon suit.
Down below, two guys are having a spirited fencing match, which, given how close they are to the banquet table, I believe I would object to if I were one of the diners. I'll cut my own meat, thanks. A couple of the other costumed men do separate the duelers when the racers arrive in the room. Cheyne claims a candelabra with #73 on it, while Sam takes #112. They light their candles and start trying doors, seemingly at random. Because why not?
Outside, Gary and Matt catch up to Brian and Ericka outside the Mustpeade, but since the former team has a Speed Bump, it's not like they'll be able to tailgate them through the door anyway. "It is time to sweat the small stuff," Gary reads from their Speed Bump clue. Phil reminds us that Gary and Matt have to do this as a result of coming in last on the non-elimination leg. And then we see him stepping into a cobblestone street, with an incongruous sight behind him: a large, coach-style bus, which is about to be boarded by a dude wearing a towel around his waist. Is that Madonna's tour bus or something? "They must find this Saunabuss," Phil explains, which is when I notice the word "Saunabuss" where the destination board usually is, and things begin to make sense again. A little. Phil continues, adding that they'll need to "strip down and take a five-minute sauna with a group of locals." Five minutes is all? That's kind of ridiculous. Put another way, that's one seventeenth of the amount of time they were behind Sam and Dan when they left the Pit Stop. Even Gary and Matt are excited about the leniency of this Speed Bump. At least until they realize they actually have to find the Saunabuss, which is going to be a challenge given that they don't know what that is yet. Plus the Globetrotters have just arrived. But Pinky and the Brain get directions from some locals and head down the street.
Here's how Sam and Cheyne are doing on their medieval mystery: "That's the bathroom, dude," Sam tells Cheyne. They seem to have exhausted the options in the cellar, so they head upstairs, where they make the magical discovery that the rooms are all numbered. Why, this changes everything!
Ericka gets the front door open, and the Globetrotters are inside right behind them. Ericka will take this one, since she did so well last time she wandered a medieval building for a Road Block. Flight Time is on it for the Globetrotters. They find the basement banquet, which has settled down a bit, with a guy playing a lute instead of a sword duel. Ericka gets the candelabra with #82 on it, while Flight Time gets #78. They fan out in search of their "special room."
Gary and Matt have found the parked Saunabuss, where they hop on board and waste no time getting naked. Thanks to the Amazing Editor who blurs what can't be more than a half-inch of Matt's crack. With towels around their waists, they enter the tiny sauna chamber at the back of the bus -- which is already occupied by three people -- and Gary launches a nonstop stream of chatter about his Finnish heritage. "You go into northern Minnesota, it's a sow-na," Matt interviews, using the less well-known but technically more accurate pronunciation. Wait, I thought they were from Montana? But again, I guess I'm once again underestimating the universality of living on a Montana farm, where they must have lived in northern Minnesota all the time.
Four racers are still wandering the catacombs of Mustpeade, but it's Flight Time who finds his room first. The door opens to reveal a vast ballroom that doesn't look like it would fit in what this building looks like from the outside. I guess the Brotherhood still has some secrets after all, among them TARDIS technology. Flight Time walks the half-mile to the guy standing to the grand piano on the far side of the room, and gets his scroll as the dude sheaths his sword, as though if someone had come in with the wrong number on their candelabra he would have run them through. Apparently the racers are also supplied a bit of red wax or something, so Flight Time immediately starts scribbling on the scroll like he's trying to do an etching. Nooo! That's going to make it very hard to read. Cheyne, however, upon finding his gloomier, smaller room, starts right off by holding his scroll over the candle. Except he keeps tuning it over and over so fast, it's never going to get cooked properly.
In the Saunabuss, Gary is still prattling away, while Matt tries to play it cool about being seated to a hot blonde in a towel. Gary insists on singing a song about saunas that he half-remembers in some Scandinavian language. The people in there are thinking, "Now, this is supposed to be a challenge-slash-penalty for whom, again?"
Ericka finds a cavernous ballroom like Flight Time's, although she goes the candle route right away. Flight Time, meanwhile, has finished covering the back of his scroll in red, and holds it up to the candle flame to try and read the etching he's still convinced should be there. "I don't see anything," he says, setting the scroll back down on the piano, where the camera zooms in on it to clearly reveal the words "PIKK HERMAN TOWER GARDEN." Not that Flight Time sees it. That's what makes these cameramen so Amazing.
Dan finds his scroll in a sitting room, and holds a long match up to it, with no luck. But Cheyne has rotisseried his scroll just long enough to make his clue visible. Same with Ericka. They both hurry back out to the lobby to meet up with their partners.
Gary finishes what I'm sure is the ninth verse of his sauna song and suggests to Matt that this could be a hit in Minnesota. "You'd need a keg fridge over in the corner, though," Matt points out. Yes, and put it over an ice-fishing hole, and serve lutefisk, and have a DVD changer loaded up with Fargo and the Grumpy Old Men movies and make the towels Viking purple and have lookalikes of Prince and Garrison Keillor hanging around outside. Whoa, sorry, don't know where that came from. At last their five minutes are up, to the relief of the locals. They get dressed and get out. "We're in dead last, got a lot to make up," Matt remarks. But don't worry, they're about to get right on not doing that.
The Black Heads are back in duel mode as father and son try keys outside until they get the door open. Gary tells Matt to do this one, which will prove to be a fateful decision. As before, Matt's entrance signals the end of the duel, and he rereads the clue: "Descend into the cellar, where you may choose a candel-a-bra." Yes, as with the word "sauna," he is pronouncing it in a way with which most people are not familiar, but in this case it is not technically more correct. Indeed, it may be technically grounds to revoke his high school diploma. Everyone in the room laughs, which has to sting coming from a bunch of LARPers. "I have no idea what a candle-a-bra is," he tells the room.
The two lead teams are running down the street, stopping only briefly for directions from a shopkeeper. Back inside the building, Sam accidentally holds his scroll at the correct angle, and is able to read it, which he does out loud in a cheesy accent for some reason. Back to the lobby, where he and Dan leave behind an increasingly nervous Big Easy and Gary. Flight Time is still struggling to see his clue as well as the camera can, and finally finds the right spot in the right part of the room facing the right way. He and Big Easy are finally out of there in fourth place. "You big-headed it," Big Easy says on their way out the door. If that means "overthought it," I agree with Big Easy's assessment. Gary, meanwhile, is left helpless in the lobby. Downstairs, one of the Black Heads says of Matt, in English, "That guy needs a drink!" Matt chuckles good-naturedly, but he's still stumped. "Are you a candel-a-bra?" he asks the lute player, who just shakes his head. None of the other guys will help him either, because that's not their job. They are not tour guides, they are not facilitators, they are not candel-a-bras. "Am I missing something?" Matt says. What do you think?
But after the ads, he breaks it down like the etymologist that all Montana farmers are deep down inside themselves, and realizes he's looking for something candle-related. "The one right in the middle of the fricking table," he realizes, and snags it while his hosts raise their glasses in salute, voicing a toast that Matt gamely does his best to return but which comes out as a mushy vowel, to my amusement. Off he goes in search of room 88. "I got it now," he says. Don't get ahead of yourself.
On the grounds of a fancy medieval castle with -- you guessed it-- a tower, Ericka is the first to spot the clue box standing at the edge of a lawn. As they and Meghan|Cheyne open their clues, Phil narrates, "The Estonian countryside is scattered with wild wetlands called bogs." Indeed, the low-level aerial footage we're seeing makes the land look like a giant sponge. Phil goes on to say that the Detour choice is between "Serve" and "Sling." Serve is just what it sounds like: a game of mud volleyball against a team of two Estonian locals. The mud is thick and waist-deep, and they have to score five points for the clue. Sling requires them to stand ankle-deep in a different mud puddle and use a slingshot to launch "assorted vegetables" at a target with a moose on it. A hit will cause the collapse of the table of cabbage attached to the moose sign. The cascading cabbage will reveal their clue. See, I told you this was going to get dada. Meghan and Cheyne go for the volleyball, as if you couldn't predict that just from looking at them. Both teams run for taxis. Cheyne spots a taxi first, and as both teams run for it, Brian makes a controversial move: "Tell him to call another one if you can," he says to the other team. Cheyne agrees. Ericka is stunned that Brian is "giving our taxi away," but Brian insists that Cheyne saw it first. Which Ericka doesn't believe, even though the footage seems to support Brian. Meanwhile, Meghan and Cheyne have just finished telling their cabbie where they're going, and adding that he doesn't need to call another cab for the Americas. "We don't care about them. Forget the other taxi, just forget the other taxi," Meghan insists. Now would be a good time to play back Brian's philosophy of how the race is a big game of karma. Because with apologies to Miss Alli, I think we're at the point in the season where karma is saying to God, "You didn't use all the hot water, did You?"
Matt has found his room and his scroll, but he's doing a Flight Time with it and thus getting nowhere. Oh, he does not have time for this.
Brian dashes across the street to get another cab, so at least they aren't just waiting around for one to be called for them, which is to their credit. "My wonderful husband has a heart of gold is what just happened," Ericka says in the back of their cab with a smile. Brian maintains that he didn't give away a cab that wasn't theirs to begin with, but Ericka interviews that she'll have to "keep him in check... I'm more capable of being a dirty player than he is." Let's hope we see that at some point, ever.
The Brothers and the Globetrotters are hurrying on foot to Pikk Herman Tower Garden, the latter team closing the gap when Sam stops for directions. "Stay behind them, we'll just run them down," Big Easy says, which lends credence to a complaint Sam will make later. It's only a loan, though.
Matt reads his clue as " PIK HERMAN TOWER." Either he got bored with heating the whole scroll or a production assistant ran out of lemon juice. Matt picks up Gary on his way out, fully aware they're in last place. After a brief stop for directions, they're off at a run.
Sam and Dan reach the clue box in third place, and opt for volleyball. As do the Globetrotters. "We can spike on volleyball," Big Easy says. Yes, good luck with that. Then both teams are racing for taxis, Big Easy calling out to the bystanders that they're Harlem Globetrotters and therefore can't someone get them a cab? I think he's 61.8% kidding, but it's hard to tell precisely. Sam and Dan manage to get an occupied cab to stop and ask to take it over, but the passenger says, "I can't walk." Still, rather than moving on, Sam offers to order a new one, as Dan notices the Globetrotters closing in. "Go find your own way, gosh dang it," Sam says, not trying to be heard but not really trying not to be, either. Suddenly the Globetrotters break into a run, because another taxi has just pulled into view behind the one the brothers are trying to poach. The brothers rush to stop it, claiming it was called for them by the driver of the cab they were just trying to score. Which is a completely absurd claim; there's no way a taxi could have been summoned so quickly, unless of course it's driven by a Black Head who also has the power of teleportation. The Globetrotters are smart enough not to believe this nonsense, although Flight Time says they can all go together. It's a van, after all. Eight people (counting camera and sound crew) should be able to fit in there just as uncomfortably as four in a regular one. Flight Time is more of a peacemaker than Big Easy, who calls the brothers out on their bullshit right there and adds, "Good try, though." He interviews, "It was our taxi. There was no way they could take it from us." So it's rather an awkward foursome in there on the way to the Detour. Sam interviews of the Globetrotters, "They're not doing anything for themselves, They're literally just following us. It's just frustrating." You know how everybody has a totally mundane superpower? I'm starting to suspect that Sam's is making exaggerated complaints about Harlem Globetrotters. He'll go to a game someday and everyone in his section will marvel at the one guy rooting for the Washington Generals.
Matt and Gary scamper around, and succeed in finding the tower. The bad news is that they're outside the castle grounds, separated from where they need to be by a high stone wall with no entrances. So now they have to run back and find an entrance. The setbacks keep piling on.
Meghan reads from the clue, "If you wish, you, may perform the chosen Detour in your underwear." She makes a face at what a dirty old man the race is becoming this season. Behind them, Brian theorizes that the Detour is at a nudist colony. Ericka says he'll need to get her another pair of underwear, "Because today, all the girl is wearing is a pair of stringy thongs, it's not going to happen." Oh, she's dressed for a soccer game today anyway; she can just take off her pastel-striped Pippi Longstockings and be good to go.
The cab containing the Globetrotters and the brothers is a rather tense ride, with both teams trying to tell the cameras their side.
Gary and Matt think they have to get into the tower, and are running around hopelessly looking for an entrance, totally missing the clue box they just ran past. One suspects at this point that the sauna might have purged more than just sweat.
Finally, after the ads, they spot the clue box, and decide to "slingshot it." At least they have less trouble than the other teams did in finding a taxi, with an extravagantly mellow driver. "We're doing terrible today," Gary says. "We're off our game big time." Good leg for it, too.
Somewhere up ahead, Meghan and Cheyne's driver answers a call on his cell phone. You'll never guess who it is: Gary and Matt's driver! Matt tries to get him to relay the message to the other driver to go slow, which doesn't seem to succeed.. In fact, Meghan and Cheyne's cabbie blows off his friend's request for directions. "I say, 'I don't have time to show you now,'" he tells them, which they love. Soon, the taxi drops them off in a dirt parking lot, where they leave their bags and run on ahead along a path marked with little hand-painted arrow signs. That leads to a boardwalk path over the mud, where a half-dozen or so co-ed teams in black swimsuits are waiting for them. Meghan and Cheyne both change into tiny spandex shorts that I assume they brought with them because you never know, pick a team, and venture into the "court," which is deeper than they expected. And given the noises they make trying to move around in it, it's not so much a court as a "splort." "I don't know if this is mud," Meghan says euphemistically. But they turn out to be mud-volleyball ringers, scoring the first and second points by working together, then scoring a third by the simple expedient of Meghan letting the ball go past her and out of bounds. "This is tough," Meghan claims. They're certainly not making it look that way.
The Globetrotters are changing into their familiar red-white-and-blue uniforms in the back of the van, to give them more freedom of movement. "We got our game faces on," Flight Time says. So do the brothers, apparently, although theirs are made of stone.
Gary is talking about keeping going. "Anything can happen... we're not giving up until we hit the mat today." Then they'll give up.
Meghan hits a couple out of the opposing teams' court, but then they score a fourth point when the home team falters. Only one point to go.
The Americas are pulling into the parking lot, just ahead of the van carrying the brothers and the Globetrotters. They all bail out and wander around, looking for the "marked path." "There are no markings anywhere," Sam says, as if to conjure an ironic camera shot of one of those arrow signs. Which works, but doesn't do them any good because they can't see it. Isn't that just always the way?
Meghan and Cheyne are starting to get worn out. "This mud s really tiring," Cheyne says. "We just need one point," Meghan says as she struggles to her feet. Meanwhile, the other three teams are still completely lost. Finally, Meghan and Cheyne get their fifth point, which completes the Detour for them. Cheyne tosses a celebratory handful of mud into the air before they climb out onto the boardwalk (Meghan observing, "This stuff reeks") and they are handed their clue. Cheyne reads, "Run to the Pit Stop, the top of Keava Raba Overlook Tower."
Phil claims, "Teams must now trudge even further through the bog," even though the boardwalk leads right to the "tower." From the top of which Phil expansively says, "Rising high above the vast marshlands, it is the Pit Stop for this leg of the race." Rising high?" That rickety old wooden cylinder is shorter than my house. "The last team to check in here may be eliminated," Phil says, which isn't going that far out on a limb given that there have already been two non-elimination legs this season and this shows no sign of being a "you are still racing" leg. Meghan and Cheyne run for it, climb the spiral staircase, and are greeted at the top by Phil and an older, seated Estonian woman. Phil tells them they're team number one and says they "missed out" on the Saunabuss. But not to worry, because, "You guys have won a red cedar sauna." They look confused for a minute, like, "Where in our apartment is that going to go?" But then they remember to look excited and grateful, like a couple of eight-year-olds at Christmas who just opened the sweaters from their grandma. Phil asks if their goal is getting into the final three, and Cheyne says, "We've competed our whole lives, but this is like the ultimate stage for competition. I think it's perfect for us." Wow. I've been wondering what it's going to take to knock these guys down a couple of notches, but I'm thinking the jinx-magnet remark that Cheyne just made should more than cover it.
The other three teams have now wandered into what looks like a residential neighborhood, but the thing you know, they've found the arrows. A three-way footrace ensues.But will their bumbling have been enough for Gary and Matt? They're still in their cab to the Detour. "It's time to cowboy up," Gary says. "Isn't that how they say it in Montana?" Okay, when did their home state get moved? I am so confused.
Reaching the volleyball courts, the brothers are the meat in a Globetrotters sandwich, with the Americas bringing up the rear. Flight Time figures the locals would be "intimidated" by the "two big tall black good-looking guys, athletic coming up." Sam, meanwhile appreciates the sight of the "hottie Estonian guys" in their black Speedos. Both teams step shirtless into the mud, and since there are only two slots for volleyball, that leaves the Americas having to do the slingshot task by default. First they have to put on "bog shoes," which are like a smaller version of snowshoes, and then Brian picks up a basket of veggies and leads the way across the mud to where a couple of judges are waiting to the moose sign and the cabbage table. Oh, the sentences I get to type sometimes.
"It's a lot harder that we thought it was going to be," Dan interviews as we see him and Sam wading out into the mud, the Amazing Editors blurring out both of their crotches. Yes, I can see that being necessary for Dan, with his gray boxer briefs, but Sam's wearing a pair of khaki shorts, so those Estonian hotties must be having quite an effect on him. In their red-and-white striped shorts, Flight Time says he was happy to see the mud. "Both teams are at a disadvantage, "he says. It's not clear whether he means both visiting teams or both teams on each court, or how a disadvantage can be obtained when it applies to both teams.
Brian and Ericka get started loosing veggies at the target, although Ericka's first one bounces off her hand and doesn't get far. This is not a short-range shot, either. They could be here a while. Like, if those veggies are fresh now, they might not be by the time they're done.
Neither the brothers nor the Globetrotters are doing nearly as well as Meghan and Cheyne did at the volleyball, either getting bogged down to the point of immobility or hitting the ball out of bounds on the rare occasions when it does come into reach. Back on the road to get there, Gary says they're hoping to catch up at a Detour. Which is a reasonable thing to hope, since it's the only thing that might save them. Big Easy keeps getting stuck. Flight Time gets impatient with him, but when Big Easy protests, he gives that familiar "Go Big Easy!" cheer. Dan and Sam are getting frustrated, and bickering again. They really have grown (especially in terms of whatever the editors are trying to hide inside Sam's shorts). Big Easy? Stuck again. How's that spiking working out?
But after the ads, the serve comes right to him, so he's able to slap one-handed it back over the net without moving and score their first point. He suggests to an opposing player, "If you need a rest, just hit it into the net, okay?" Sam and Dan talk about how much they like volleyball (somehow without mentioning Top Gun, if they're even old enough for that to have been a formative scene), but this version is hard to play if the ball's out of arm's reach, since you can't move your legs. I don't seem to recall Meghan and Cheyne having as much of a problem with that, probably because the two of them combined weigh less than one Globetrotter. The brothers do score one point by letting it go out of bounds on their side. The Globetrotters score a second point, as do the brothers when the opposing server hits the net (probably because of Sam rushing him rudely along). Then both teams get a third point. Meanwhile, the Americas are closing in on their target. The other two teams are also closing in, now at four points each. "I have a lot more respect for David than Goliath," Ericka says, firing another fruit and possibly a dis on Big Easy. Volleyball continues, and the Globetrotters are the team to score five points, so they're done. Flight Time crawls off the court barking like a dog for some reason, his shorts falling down. They're off to the Pit Stop. Except, as Brian and Ericka are continuing to shoot, the Globetrotters take the time to get dressed again, and then head off along the boardwalk in the wrong direction. Whoops.
Sam and Dan's opponents hit the net again, completing the Detour for them, and they haul them selves out of the muck. Dan manages to convince Sam that the Pit Stop is thataway, and they head off further into the bog. "The Globetrotters are going the wrong way," Sam says. Flight Time has just realized as much, so they turn around to try to catch up. Which doesn't seem to take all that long, given how far they went in the wrong way. While trying to catch up, Flight Time slips but gets back up again, as Dan yells at Sam ahead of him to go faster. This boardwalk, after all, isn't really wide enough to pass anyone on, at least at a run. But that doesn't stop Flight Time from trying. What happens is by necessity filmed from too far away to really see what happens; it's not like there's a cameraman Amazing enough to want to share a narrow boardwalk with four large, athletic men who are all charging down it at top speed. But what it looks like is that with his hands on or near Dan's back, Flight Time goes down again, this time taking Dan with him. Except Dan only falls on the boardwalk, while Flight Time falls off of it and has to haul himself out of the water. "Hold up, Big Easy," he says, and they slow to a walk, giving up the footrace for lost while the brothers run on ahead. "Are you okay?" Big Easy asks Flight Time. "It's all good," Flight Time says.
Phil invites them all up to the platform, and there's a marked lack of eye contact between the two teams as Phil tells Sam and Dan they're team number two, and the Globetrotters that they're team number three. Phil decides to do a little shit-stirring. "Big Easy has a look on his face like he wants to kick some butt right now," Phil observes. There's an awkward pause, and Phil presses, "So was there some elbow play going on?" Dan goes first, saying that Flight Time came up behind him and tried to push him and they both fell. Big Easy says, "We didn't know that the elbow and the physical stuff was in play. Now we know it is in play, so..." Dan maintains his innocence, saying he was running too hard to do what he's being accused of. Big Easy insists, "It is what it is. I'm six-ten, two-sixty, so we're gonna do what we gotta do." Yikes, that sounds like a threat. I don't know where I come down on this. As I said before, it's too hard to tell who was at fault, even with some close Zaprudering. And if a season of the race goes by without some team accusing another of conduct unbecoming, they're all doing it wrong. But as with the whole "bitch" controversy from last season, I think the side I'm least likely to be on is that of the person who makes it a bigger deal than it has to be. I mean, Flight Time is the one who was allegedly fouled, but we don't see him complaining. As for the brothers, Sam interviews, "If they have this big vengeance that they want to seek out because they think that we wronged them, what do they plan on doing? Like punching us, pushing us over?" Which is a fair point. Sure, physically they could do it, but nobody wants to be the first team kicked off the race for pushing, especially when pushers were allowed to continue. I mean, they were pushing their partners, but still. Big Easy says, "If this was the final leg, I think we would have had to run through the guys." And if it were a race for first place, which, to be fair, they probably had no way to be sure this wasn't. I'm just hoping things cool down a bit by the leg, because I have no interest in inter-team vendettas unless I hate one of the teams involved.
Gary and Matt arrive at the parking lot and run down the path. "This is do or die," Gary says. Brian and Ericka shoot. Matt and Gary run. And Brian finally hits the target, sending cabbages cascading to the ground. They run across the cabbage patch to the get the clue together, Ericka tripping over her bog shoes on their way back. "We're not meant for the swamp," Brian says. Is he saying Ericka doesn't do bogs either, now? They read the clue and head off to the Pit Stop, which they can already see from where they are. When they arrive, Phil asks them, "You know if you're last or not?" Ericka says no, and Phil says, "I'm gonna put you out of your misery," and tells them they're team number four. Brian says they're focused and determined to get into the top three.
So now let's watch Gary and Matt finish up the race, in an overlong sequence that shows why there are non-elimination legs. Otherwise you get scenes like this, as they interview at length about how they came on the race to do their best, and spend this time together, and about their experiences, while slogging over to the shooting range and attempting to bag themselves some cabbage. "To be shooting radishes at a moose target standing in bog shoes, it's just...pretty crazy." Gary interviews. They get it done, and jog on to the Pit Stop. "I think this could be it, buddy," Gary says. They are welcomed to Estonia, and, to the surprise of nobody, Philiminated. Gary admits, "We didn't have our A-game today. We messed up a couple places, but hey..." I think Gary is right, except for the "we" and the "our," but who could blame him? They high-five. Phil asks if they got what they wanted. "That and more," Gary says. "You can't put a price on this experience and being able to spend the time we have together...we'll take this for many, many years." Yes, and let's hope they don't go home after this and go back to never spending any time together. Phil asks Gary what he learned about Matt, and as Gary talks about having to "release" things to his son, there's a black-and-white greatest-hits montage of Matt herding ducks, the two of them riding the bicycles in the Netherlands, and celebrating their victory at the end of that one leg in Cambodia that didn't go to Meghan|Cheyne, the Globetrotters, or the brothers. Gary adds that he's proud of Matt and has to take off his glasses to wipe his eyes. Matt? He interviews, "I never want to see another candelabra in my lifetime." At least he's learned how to pronounce it since Mustpeade, though. They hug on the mat, and Gary says, "I love you, buddy, and I accept you just the way you are." Aw. And then way walk back down the boardwalk, arm in arm. Not dancing this time, though.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com