Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gratuitous Footage
By M. Giant | Season 14 | Episode 10 | Aired on 04.26.2009
Jaime and Cara are squirming into their racing suits, which apparently involves a lot of sucking in various parts. Did Michael Phelps also wear his suit over a black women's one-piece? If so, maybe his speed was a result of trying to escape his own wedgie.
After watching another demo leap, Jen and Kisha mount the platform. "Okay, I'm gonna drown, I'm gonna die," Jen interviews by way of telling us what she's thinking at this moment. And up on the springboard, she looks over at her sister and says, "I can't do this." It's kind of too bad that there's all this footage of her being interviewed after the leg, because it takes away all the suspense as to whether she's actually going to survive.
Back from the ads, Kisha asks Jen if she wants to switch, and Jen does. So they climb back down the platform, leaving it to Tammy and Victor.
Jaime dives into the water, and for no possible reason, a green line precedes her the length of the pool at roughly twice her speed while she's still submerged. "Michael Phelps' speed, 2008 Olympics," reads the helpful chyron. Jaime surfaces, and shows off some terrible form, windmilling her arms and never putting her face in the water. Watching, Cara says she's a good swimmer, but it's going to be an exhausting swim. That pool is pretty big. One might almost call it "Olympic-size."
Margie and Luke are already struggling into their suits. "They were so tight," they say in an interview. The sisters are also trying to get into theirs. "I don't think this is made for somebody with these thighs," Kisha says. Speedo starts thinking, "Hmm, they aren't making this look very fun, are they?"
Jaime returns to the starting block, and Cara dives in for her first leg of the relay. As Jaime climbs out, her time for the first 100 meters is compared to Phelps': 00:54.92 vs. 2:17.70. At least the accompanying sound effect is a "ding!" instead of a "wah-wah." At least on my TV. I don't know what Speedo hears on theirs.
Tammy and Victor make another leap, and this time they hit the water only a single frame apart. But two fours won't get them a clue. "We're close," Victor says as they swim to the edge.
Jaime returns to the starting block as Cara does a leisurely elementary backstroke, 192 meters into their swim at the point where Phelps finished his 400. "Phelps wins gold," the chyron dings. The "cheerleaders, not so much" part goes unspoken. Jaime yells at Cara to get out of the way so she can jump in, either not confident in her ability to clear her partner while jumping from the starting block or reluctant to let an opportunity to yell at someone slip through her hands. In another lane, Luke jumps in moments after her, and passes Jaime with a fast crawl, complete with a racing turn at the end of the pool. Jaime matches Luke's turn by...resting. Kisha climbs on the starting block in the first lane, asking, "I don't know how to do this. Anybody going to teach me?" Clearly not. "Go!" yells the William Hung-looking coach, and Kisha belly-flops into the water. "Mama still ain't name her Grace," Jen quips.