Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Clueless, in every sense of the word
By Miss Alli | Season 2 | Episode 12 | Aired on 05.14.2002
At the Auckland airport, Chris and Alex are getting their tickets, and Blake and Paige are buying a book about Hawaii. The Teeth and Taraweasel board the plane for Sydney…and then Boston boards right behind them. See, cutting in line wasn't even necessary -- and bunching triumphs again. The Amazing Yellow Line on The Amazing World Map hops from Auckland over to Sydney, and then makes the long drag from Sydney over to Honolulu. On board, Blake is studying his book, probably trying to figure out how to cut an hour off his time using some complicated plan involving riding a unicycle, dressing like a woman, getting a pie in the face, and being struck by lightning. God bless him. Elsewhere on the flight, Alex and Tara are canoodling, which starts out entirely nauseating, but becomes a little bit funny when they cut to a close-up of Chris, only half-looking back toward where they are before saying to the camera, "Prime time back they-ah." Then he grins. Hee. Nice smile. He's still a punk, but...nice smile. Wil sits alone, biting his nails and reading. I could almost feel sorry for him if it weren't Wil. Alex gives the camera a little speech about how he's helped Wil and Tara over and over again, and although Tara's been fine (and when I say fine, I mean fine), Wil is never any help to him at all. Well, for God's sake, Alex, how many times did the guy have to screw you before you figured that one out? What has Wil ever done, with the single exception of taking them through Bangkok, to advance Boston's interests? Not a damn thing. He's a weasel, Alex. Take it out of neutral.
Everybody lands in Maui. They're all happy to be in the United States again. Blake claims that the airport "smells like America," and Chris agrees that it "smells different." Um, okay. All the airports I've ever been in smell like Starbucks and newsprint, but I suppose if that's America to you, then so be it. (It's actually not so far out as a concept, now that I say it out loud.) There's a rush for taxis. Everybody winds up with one, and everybody has to give their driver directions to the sugar mill ruins, which are, they discover, not exactly a well-known local landmark. They use their little maps, and because it's dark outside, when they get to the general vicinity of the ruins, they have to hunt around with flashlights to find what it is they're actually looking for. This is this season's episode-of-COPS sequence, what with the dark and the flashlights and the chaos. No shirtless drunks, though, and no friendly transvestites. Hey, this isn't COPS at all!