Episode Report Card Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Personal Dynamics A-Go-Go
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.02.2001
3:53 AM. Kevin and Drew are first to take off, having made it in first yesterday with the assistance of the Fast Forward Of Oregano-y Tea. Phil gives the frat boys the info, and tells them they're "free to go," which has an odd sort of we-don't-have-enough-evidence-to-arrest-you feeling I'm not sure I like. Don't treat Shower-Fresh like suspects, Phil. Phil is wearing what looks like a green vinyl parka with greenish-brown furry trim that appears to have been taken from twenty rare and carefully-bred camo squirrels. Through with Phil for now, Team Shower-Fresh takes off for the Port of Marseilles. As he did yesterday, Drew explains how much he likes having all the other teams staring at his behind. I think Rob likes that, too, but that's a little different.
4:07 AM. Frank and Margarita. (Ouch -- Team Shower-Fresh didn't get a very big lead from that Fast Forward, which means that Frank's view of Drew's behind is an extreme close-up.) Team Danza ditches Team Esquire, which is stuck a couple of minutes behind them and has still been making some noise about continuing the shaky EDG alliance. Loud Pushy Frank has had it with the cooperating and the pretending to like people and the gaining big advantages from other people's work and knowledge, and he's just not going to put up with it anymore. As they take off down the road, the Danzas are obviously feeling pretty comfy about their decision to ditch the lawyers.
4:15 AM. Speaking of the lawyers, good morning, Team Esquire! Rob is resplendent in his circa-1986 lumpy down parka, while Brennan is doing his best Mike Boogie, complete with visor (albeit right side up). Look, if it's cold enough for Rob to be wearing a knit hat (as a bunch of the other people are as well), it's too damn cold for Brennan to be wearing a visor. That's beachwear or golfwear or possibly tenniswear, dink. It's not for bobsledding. Anyway, Rob thinks the flag they've been handed might be from China. (Not. Although, admittedly, they're both red fields with light patterns on them, so Rob's not as far off as he might be.) The boys work their way down the mountain, and voice-over that they called ahead the night before for a taxi. Said taxi arrives at the bottom of the hill, where Frank and Margarita -- just a few minutes ahead of Esquire -- attempt to steal it. When the taxi driver clarifies that he's responding to a reservation, Frank, who knows perfectly well that he has no reservation, tries to tell the cabbie it's he and Margarita who called for the cab. Fortunately, the taxi driver -- who gives better customer service than my bank -- actually checks ID, which means Rob and Brennan are able to make it down and claim their ride. Frank and Margarita ask Esquire's cabbie to call another cab for them, which Brennan tries to talk him out of doing. Margarita strikes a highly offended pose, telling them that it's "screwed up" for them to try to prevent the cabbie -- who wouldn't even be there if Rob and Brennan hadn't arranged for him to be -- from helping Frank and Margarita. Unlike the attempt Frank just made to steal the cab in the first place, I guess, which was entirely appropriate. Welcome to the Team Danza House Of Moral Surrealism -- be sure to visit the souvenir shop.
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