Episode Report Card Daniel: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Forget It, Dude. Let’s Go Bowling.
By Daniel | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.03.2008
ells her that Moishe's dropping her name pretty freely in front of people who don't need to know her name. "Well, he's your fence," says Jesse, who then says she'll have a talk with him. Then she asks Derek to help her out with some suntan lotion, but what she doesn't ask for is a guilt trip on how long she's going to be doing this sort of thing. "I'm certainly going to try to get through today without you spoiling it for me," she says, smiling. "The sun sets at 5:47. I'm not missing that sucker," she says, and then she starts sucking Derek's face.Chrome Artie's knocking on another door, and it's answered by Bonnie from Family Guy, who pretends not to have seen Cameron, but is pretty obviously lying, especially when she's asking questions about why he's looking for her. "I'm her uncle," he says, trying on that creepy smile again. She says he looks familiar, and he says, "Common face," and can someone please explain to me why Chrome Artie is going around with the same face, given that he's been all over the news as the B-movie actor who KILLED TWENTY FBI GUYS? And can someone explain to me how, since he's still using the same face, that no one has identified him? He also asks her about the house next door, for which she's listed as the contact in the classifieds. "That house has been rented," says Bonnie from Family Guy, closing the door. "Thank you for your time," he says, and moves on.
Next door, John and Riley are just arriving home. Riley is making fun of the groceries for some reason, and John says his mom's "not much of a cook" and Cameron's "not really into food," which probably sounds to another teenage girl like bulimia. The phone rings, and John declines to answer, saying that if it's important, they'll call his cellphone, which means Riley busts his chops on how important he thinks he is, and answers the phone for him, all "Baum residence," and maybe Chrome Artie could give her a hard forearm to the skull.
"It's your neighbour," says Riley, giving him the phone. John takes it, and Bonnie from Family Guy tells him there was a guy at her place looking for his sister, and she didn't get a good vibe from him at all. Just then there's a knock at the Connor Compound door, and John inches forward to see who it is. Pesky kids collecting money for Jump Rope for Heart? No, just Chrome Artie.
John grabs Riley's arm and tries to pull her out the back door, but Riley, as seems to be becoming routine, insists on making herself as much of a pain in the ass as possible, and says she'll get rid of him. John can't even stop her, so she sashays to the door and says she's never seen the girl in the picture that Chrome Artie's holding up. Inside, John's grabbed a shotgun. He tries to pump it really quietly, but even the tiny "click" gets Chrome Artie's attention, whereas John and Riley loudly talking did not. "How do you like your new house?" Chrome Artie asks Riley before pushing past her inside. Riley gets indignant about this, but Chrome Artie pays her as much mind as you'd pay a cigarette butt on the sidewalk. He stomps into the kitchen, while John creeps around a bookcase, and analyzes the pictures on the fridge. "You're not in these pictures," he says, and Riley, admirably quickly, says, "Maybe that's because I'm the one taking them." She says if Chrome Artie doesn't leave, she's calling the police. Chrome Artie studies her face for a moment. "Thank you for your time," he says, and puts on that non-smile that gets funnier to me each time I see it. John slinks back around the bookcase as Chrome Artie walks out the door.
Meanwhile, Cameron and Sarah are talking to the poor, sad parents of Tristan Dewitt, whose name is emblazoned on a plaque that features a golden film reel and the words: "The Lightning in my Wires, 2nd Place, Sandusky Film Festival 1993."
"We were too supportive. That was the problem in a nutshell," grouches the dad, who then proceeds to ramble on about lecturing his son on getting a salary job. The mother seems more sad than angry, thanking Sarah for not going to the police about this. "We just want our things back," she explains. Eventually, after more grousing about Tristan always working on some pie in the sky film project or another, the Dewitts rat out Tristan's friend Dave. "Dave. Another boy wonder," says the dad. Heh.
Ellison's in an orange prison jumpsuit in the visiting room ("no touching!") as Catherine Weaver strolls in to see him. "This is a very curious turn of events, Mr. Ellison," she says, sounding more intrigued than angry as she sits down. Ellison says he's innocent. She mentions the eyewitness, and Ellison tries the R. Kelly "It wasn't me" defense. Weaver says the witness was quite sure. "As I would be, if I'd seen what he'd seen," says Ellison. Catherine asks if Ellison has something to tell her that only she would believe. "Not here," says Ellison, shaking his head. Weaver gets up to leave and says she'll be in touch. "Thank you for believing me," he says. "What good is faith if we don't use it?" says Weaver.
John and Riley are driving around, with John being his usually monosyllabic teenage self with Riley trying to pry answers out of him. Riley, being a genius, has figured out that the dude wasn't actually Cameron's uncle. John says he's a criminal. "What if he comes back?" says Riley. "That's not how, that's not how he works," says an exasperated John, and adds that the guy's really dangerous, and then Riley blathers on about how she's a brave spooky ninja for getting rid of the guy, and then she kisses John, and just like that John's forgotten about how annoying she is. That's generally how it works with teenage boys.
Elsewhere, Sarah's driving with Cameron and bitching about fool's errands and the fathers of Nablus. Cameron corrects her: "The brothers of Nablus. Genesis, Chapter 34." "You memorized the Bible?" says Sarah. Yeah, Sarah, just like my laptop memorized the dictionary. Cameron relates the story: Jacob's daughter Dinah is raped by Shechem, prince of Nablus, who falls in love with her. Aw. Such a romantic book, that Old Testament. Shechem's father comes to Jacob and strikes a bargain so Shechem can marry Dinah. "That's brave of him," says Sarah. Jacob agrees, on one condition: that all the men in Shechem's town get circumcised. "Everybody gets what they want," says Sarah, like SHUT UP AND LET HER TELL THE STORY ALREADY. Cameron says three days later, with the men still in pain from the circumcision, Dinah's brothers rode into the city and killed them all. "That's your kind of story," says Sarah. "Yes. My kind of story," says Cameron.
Sarah's cellphone rings: it's Dan from the credit card company. Awesomely, my closed captioning gives him a last name: Dan Deffenbaugh from the credit card company. Someone just used her card at Alien Lanes bowling alley in Van Nuys. Hey, fantastic, but over in Chrome Artie's jeep, he's getting the same alert from "Credit Watch Services."
Meanwhile, the man who picked Ellison out of the police lineup is in an interview room, and the detective comes in and turns on the video camera, saying he's got a few more questions. Yeah, makes sense to get all your ducks in a row AFTER you've arrested a guy and charged him with murder, right? The detective goes over the details of the story -- nude Ellison, killing Myers with his bare hands -- sounding a lot more skeptical this time, especially as some of the details seem to have been held back a little by the witness. You know, like appearing out of nowhere, in a crater. Not a pothole, like "a complete dent in the road." The detective, who is curiously acting much more robotic than he had been, says, "Mr. Ellison just appeared out of this air?" and the witness reluctantly says there was also a bluish-purple light that made a crackling sound, like lightning. The detective, sounding skeptical, says, "So Mr. Ellison ... emerged from this energy bubble." The witness looks up and says he didn't say anything about a bubble. "But there was a bubble, correct?" The detective then rattles off the circumstances of the death -- whic