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Sarah and Cameron make contact (virtual contact, anyway) with Sarkissian, the guy who bought the Turk, in a cyber café. They pretend they want to buy it, he instructs them to bring $500,000 to a mall food court the day.
But this guy's got connections. Somehow he's read Sarah's FBI file, the same file that mentions Enrique, and Sarkissian visits Enrique's no-good nephew Carlos and finds out where Sarah lives. Can I just ask who doesn't know where the Connors live at this point?
Charley Dixon is visited by the now-Bible-quoting Agent Ellison, who tells him he thinks Sarah is still alive, and Charley knows where she is. Charley denies it, but then risks blowing Sarah's cover by running straight to Sarah's house to tell her about Agent Ellison's visit, because he thinks the man has come around. Sarah tells him to get lost.
After Sarah and Derek get stood up at the food court, they come back to the Connor Compound to find Sarkissian waiting for them. Think I'll keep the Turk, he says, but I'll take $2 million from you to not blow your cover to the FBI. Derek's counter-offer (death) doesn't go over so well, as Sarkissian has the place covered, and he's got a man watching John (who's out on a field trip). Sarkissian's man is dead and in the trunk of a car by the end of the field trip, which turns Morris on so much he asks Cameron to the prom. She says yes (prompted by John).
With the wordless help of the Silent Chiquita, the Connor Crew track down Sarkissian and kill him, in front of a little girl who just wanted to read her Dora the Explorer book. John takes a break from decrypting Sarkissian's computer to go for a birthday stroll with Derek, who's figured out Kyle is John's father, because of the family resemblance. And Derek's present is John meeting his father, albeit when Kyle is five years old, playing baseball with his older brother Derek.
Charley told Ellison he'd recently spoken to Agent Kester, with whom Ellison is not familiar. But he's in the FBI database -- and he looks an awful lot like George Lazlo. So this "Agent Kester" must be the guy who killed a bunch of people, and forced a plastic surgeon to make him look just like Lazlo (whom he then killed). This "theory" is enough to warrant an FBI Swat team swooping in on Chrome Artie's hotel room, and to a jaunty tune by Johnny Cash, the entire FBI team (except for Ellison, but including Agent Brassy) is massacred. Chrome Artie lets Ellison live -- perhaps because he knows Ellison is also looking for Sarah and John?
As Cameron goes out for a cake to celebrate John's birthday, he finds something on Sarkissian's computer: the guy Derek killed wasn't Sarkissian at all. Who the phoney Sarkissian was isn't clear. But that looks like the real Sarkissian walking down the street after Cameron gets blowed up in a car. Unless it's a thermite bomb, I think she'll be okay. Will she look the same? She better. If I wanted to watch ugly Terminators, I'd watch...well, I wouldn't watch this show. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We open on what we're told is May 11, 2011. Also known as Judgment Day, at least in this version of the Terminatorverse. Two boys, one a few years younger than the other, play baseball in the long shadows of the late afternoon. Sarah voiceovers something about...something. Something apropos, I'm assuming. "Batting's hard, Derek!" whines the younger one, after a swing and a miss. "Derek" tells "Kyle" that he's doing fine, and to remember to stay on top of the ball. Maybe if he wants to hit nothing but dribbling grounders. Kyle connects with the pitch, delighting both brothers.
Suddenly, there's a loud rumbling coming from overhead. "Fireworks!" says Kyle. The boys look up, and see missiles streaking across the sky, like a real-life version of Missile Command. The screen goes white.
And we're back to the present day, in a cyber café, with some big dude getting way too upset that he's just been killed in the video game he's playing. This startles Sarah and Cameron, so I guess he's lucky he didn't get shot. Cameron speaks a foreign language that we're told is Armenian, and I'm just going to have to take their word for it. Sarah's rather surprised, and Cameron explains that she learned Armenian because Sarkissian is an Armenian name. Sarah gripes that they're not here to charm Sarkissian, but to get the Turk and get out. They make their way towards Table 19, which is where Sarkissian said to meet him, but they're stopped by a tall skinny guy who says they have some business to take care of. Sarah, clearly thinking this was not how she pictured Sarkissian, stares at him, and he indicates the sign behind her with the café's rates. She hands over some money.
Outside, Derek and John wait in the Jeep, and we see that the name of the café is, ugh, "Wi-Fi'd It." I had to work way too hard to even figure out what that meant. "Remind me again, why are the boys out here and the girls in there?" asks Derek. Because you couldn't be bothered to shave, that's why. John points out that one of the boys is still wanted for murder. "And one of the girls is harder than nuclear nails," he adds, totally setting up Derek to say, "And the other one's a cyborg." Heh.
John says the real reason they're there is "Moore's Law," which posits that the every two years, the number of transistors on a computer chip is doubled. "And that's how we can go from a chess computer to the apocalypse in just four years," says John. Maybe you guys should go back in time and shoot Moore then, I don't know. "I learned that a lot can happen in four years," says John. "A lot can happen in four seconds," says Derek, and talks about how one moment he was playing baseball with his brother, and then the ...well, apocalypse. "Judgment Day. What'd you do?" asks John. Derek says he took Kyle and went underground. Derek was fifteen, Kyle was eight. "How do you tell an eight-year-old machines have taken over the world?" asks Derek. I think most eight-year-olds would think it's pretty cool.
Inside the café, there's no sign of Sarkissian, and Cameron and Sarah are looking around. Their computer beeps. Up pops a message: "I understand you're interested in buying the Turk." They look around. Is it the Asian guy? Is it the shady guy on a cellphone? Sarah types: "Yes." The response: "$500,000. Valley Square Mall Food Court. Tomorrow. to the ATM." She starts to respond, but the messenger program shuts down and prints in giant letters USER HAS LOGGED OFF. Because that's what usually happens with messenger programs when someone you're talking to logs off. "Nice doing business with you," says a frustrated Sarah. Just how easy did she think this was going to be? It's not like buying something out of the classifieds.
Hey, Charley Dixon's back! He's putting some food in the refrigerator when the doorbell rings. It's Agent Ellison. "Mr. Dixon! What's it been, eight years?" The closed captioning says: "It's been a long time since we spoke." I wonder if either of them will congratulate the other on not aging a day in those eight years.
Sitting down with some tea or coffee -- good to see Ellison getting back on the horse again -- Ellison notes a crucifix on one of the walls. "I see you're a man of faith, as am I all of a sudden," he says. Charley demurs, saying his wife is a Catholic. Ellison asks if Charley knows the story of the rapture, and Charley repeats himself about how it's his wife who's the Catholic, and I'd like to point out to Charley that that doesn't preclude him from knowing anything about Catholicism, especially since it's important to his wife. So Ellison quotes: "'And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder. And I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, "Come and see." And I looked. And behold, a pale horse, and his name that sat on him was Death. And Hell followed with him.' The Book of Revelation." Yay! Ellison got it right!
Charley's looking at Ellison like he's got three heads, and Ellison says he's seen things with his own eyes. He looks at Charley. "I've beheld. And on my beholding, I've come to the conclusion, while new to me, might be old to you." Charley's all, you could maybe come around to the point any time soon. Ellison says he thinks Sarah Connor's alive, and Charley knows where she is. "You're crazy," says Charley, and Ellison chuckles. "If Sarah is alive, and I believe she is, we are working in a realm where much, perhaps anything, is possible: robots, soldiers from the future, Skynet." Charley's got a terrible poker face. He says if Sarah were alive, she'd probably be glad to hear him say that. Ellison urges Charley to say what he knows, and Charley says he'll tell Ellison what he told the other guy: he doesn't know anything. Ellison's all, 'other guy'? And Charley says, Yeah, Agent...Kester. Ellison repeats it.
Remember Carlos? Some thuggish, scruffy looking dude pulls up in a car with tinted windows and approaches that shirtless guy who I think might have been in Sublime on the porch of Carlos's house, while the Silent Chiquita hovers around the car. Inside, Carlos and his men are watching some kind of Claymation thing on the television. They all jump up when thuggy driver comes in. He has his arms spread to show he's not packing, and I have to say it's lucky for Carlos that he's not. In short order, he's followed by a muscular dude in a casual suit, who closes the door behind him, and, speaking with an English accent, admires a sword on the wall. "You don't touch that," says Carlos, who doesn't sound as menacing when it looks like he's shitting himself. "Family heirloom?" asks the guy. "None of your business," says Carlos. Agreed, says the new baddie, but this IS my business. He pulls out a picture of Sarah, and asks Carlos if he knows who she is. Carlos says he's never seen her before. "Her name's Sarah Connor," says the dude, adding that he's read Sarah's FBI file, which also mentions Enrique's one of Sarah's last known associates, and also that he's an informant. "I think she went to him looking for identification, and I think he sent her to you," says, oh, let's call him Sarkissian. He also thinks that after Sarah got what she wanted, she went back to Enrique and killed him.
Carlos is looking increasingly uncomfortable. "So where is she?" asks Sarkissian. Carlos doesn't answer. Sarkissian's eyes go back to the sword, and he reads the inscription. "Los Ninos Heroes," he says, correctly identifying them as the six military cadets who died defending Chapultepec Castle. "Brave boys," says Sarkissian. Carlos and his men all smile, impressed, apparently. Shouldn't have let down your guard, guys! Sarkissian draws the sword from its sheath and between him and his henchman, quickly take out Carlos' three men. One of them writhes on the floor in pain, and Sarkissian drives the sword right into him (and, one hopes, through him and into the floor, pinning him there).
Sarkissian turns back to Carlos: "Now, my friend. How brave a boy are you?"
Back at the Connor Compound, Derek and Sarah are startled by a knock at the door. Oh, great, it's Charley! Sarah opens the door and snaps, "What are you do you doing here?" Well, that's a fine how do you do! She tells him to go home, and starts to close the door, but he stops her and says Agent Ellison came to see him. "And you turn around and come to me?" she says, glancing around. Yeah, really. Charley says it's okay, because he thinks Ellison believes her now. "If he believes you, he can protect you," says Charley, who is turning out to be some kind of moron. Sarah asks him if he remembers what he saw here, what with the killer robots and all that? "If they followed you here, not the FBI, you'll have killed us." She tells him to take his wife, and to get as far away from here as he can get. "Forget me, forget John. Just go." She closes the door. Charley looks pissed. "So...no sex, huh? Okay, I'll just g- unless you want to. No? Just...checking. All right. Well, you know where I am."
Cameron's evaluating one of the diamonds taken from the safehouse, while Derek says they can't expect to just give a guy a briefcase full of money and expect he's going to hand over the Turk. Especially since they only have $246,000 worth of diamonds. "We'll negotiate," say Cameron.
Derek and Sarah make their way through the food court, Derek griping that they don't even know what Sarkissian looks like. Then, cheering up somewhat, he reminisces about how when he and the resistance fighters jumped back in time, they spent their entire first day at the mall. "We all puked," he says. Then he adds, "The funny thing is, in the future, this place is a concentration camp." Yeah, that's...hilarious. So glad Derek Downer was able to join the team.
They spot an ATM. Right out there in the open air? Do they do that in California? Does it literally never rain in L.A.? God, I have to leave Canada. They look around. Since they don't know what he looks like they don't know if he's there or not, but Derek gripes that the son of a bitch stood them up again. Sarah wants to hightail it when she sees a couple of cops, pointing out they can't get the Turk if they're in prison.
Back at the Connor Compound, they enter the house to find Sarkissian sitting waiting for them in the living room. "So nice to finally meet you," he tells Sarah. He starts rambling about getting a call from someone wanting to buy the computer. So does he just sell it? "Or maybe..." he says, standing up. He stares at Sarah. "You're very beautiful...for a dead woman." Sarah tells him to just let them pay for the computer. "If I was going to sell you the Turk, you'd have had it by now." He has a counteroffer -- two million dollars just to not alert the authorities to Sarah's whereabouts. Sarah, never take the first offer! Derek's got a counter-counteroffer, which he delivers after shoving Sarkissian against the wall and pointing a gun at his head. Derek's offer: Sarkissian tells them where the Turk is, they keep their money, they bury him in the backyard. I gotta say, I don't think Sarkissian's going to go for that one. "If I don't walk out of here in ten minutes, my people are instructed to call the FBI and tell them everything I know." "'Your people'?" says Sarah skeptically. Sarkissian says, yeah, my people, the same people watching your son, on a field trip at a science museum, yes? Sarah looks stricken. "Your people have no idea what they're walking into," says Derek, and Sarah has to call him off. Sarkissian says they've got twenty-four hours to come up with the money, and walks out. Sarah tells Derek to follow him.
Outside, someone's watching Sarkissian, through the windshield of a car with a Virgin Mary statuette on the dash, exit the Connor Compound.
Over at the science museum, John stares at a tyrannosaurus skeleton. "You haven't spoken for twenty-eight minutes," says Cameron. John, clearly in some kind of snit, says it's nothing. And under absolutely no prodding from Cameron, John totally folds and is all, "Well, if you must know..." and explains that tomorrow is his birthday. Except Cameron doesn't have any idea what a birthday is, and can I ask just what exactly Terminators are programmed with, and what's the point of trying to get them to blend in with humans when they're not even equipped with understanding of basic human rites like birthdays? He figures Sarah forgot, and last year he got flak jacket ("That's a tight present," says Cameron helpfully), and this is technically his 24th birthday, only he time-traveled over eight years, and thank god Cameron interrupts his whining to ask if she has a birthday. "Were you born?" asks John, and Cameron says she was built, and John says maybe she has a "built-day" and now I kind of wish the tyrannosaurus would fall on them and shut them up.
Morris shows up with his iPod and tells Cameron to listen to Hatful of Hollow, which he just downloaded this morning, like the album isn't 25 years old by this point. And John intercepts the ear buds, like maybe he's worried the shimmering guitars of "How Soon Is Now" might melt Cameron's computer brain, or else she's going to enter the iPod like she did the traffic network. While the boys are engrossed in the Smiths, Cameron notices a shifty guy watching them (it's actually Sarkissian's driver, not that Cameron knows that), and he appears to realize he's been spotted and sidles off. Cameron moves to follow him, but she's stopped by a teacher, who tells her to stay with the group. "Sorry," she says, and retreats, keeping an eye on Thug Life, holding up a wall on the other side of the room.
In the parking lot, Cameron is closing the trunk of a car when Morris comes running up, saying John's looking for her. "Wow. Is this your car?" he says, checking out the Mercedes. "No. It belongs to the guy I killed and stuffed in the trunk," she says. John runs up and says that "Mom" says they need to get home right away. Then he asks what's up with the car. Morris explains that Cameron stuffed a dead guy in there. "He was following us," says Cameron. And I for one would really like to know how Cameron accomplished the killing and the stuffing out in public without anyone seeing anything, but I guess it happened during the commercial break.
Morris, of course, assumes Cameron is kidding. "Your sister's dark, bro!" adding that she's gong to love the Smiths. John wants to get the rock out of there, but Morris has other ideas, like asking Cameron to go to the prom with him. Cameron stares at him, until John yells at her to say yes, which she does, and Morris's head practically pops off his neck.
Elsewhere, Ellison flirts with some FBI agent to run a name for him: Kester. He's an agent. "This the guy?" says the pretty FBI agent, who Ellison calls Karen, showing him the screen. Kester's got a file, and a mug shot. Ellison is staring at George Lazlo's face.
At that very moment, Agent Kester is in the FBI evidence storage, trying to get his hands on a file from the Sarah Connor case. Sorry, says the agent in charge, after checking on the file name. It's signed out to Agent Ellison. "Ellison, eh?" says Kester, adding "Crush...kill...destroy ..." as he totters out of the room. You'd think that would raise some suspicions.
Ellison and Chrome Artie miss each other by seconds on adjacent elevators, like this is some crappy romantic comedy, albeit one from years ago, when they didn't all necessarily star Kate Hudson.
Cameron and John pull into the garage at the Connor Compound, and it's great that our heroes have finally learned to CLOSE THE DAMN GARAGE DOOR when they're saving the world in secret.
John and Sarah stare at the dead body in the trunk, Cameron explaining that the guy was a threat. John wants to know if he said anything. "He said very little. And then he was quiet," says Cameron. More bad news: Derek comes in and says he lost Sarkissian at the Cahuenga Pass. Oh, hey, dead body show and tell!
Derek says they need to find Sarkissian, and Sarah wants to move. John adopts his customary I'd-rather-get-killed-than-move stance. And then someone's cellphone rings -- and it's coming from inside the trunk!
Sarah snags the cellphone from the dead guy and tosses it to Cameron, telling her to do her thing. And despite the dead guy saying very little, apparently Cameron got enough to replicate his voice. Sarkissian orders his henchman to bring John and Cameron back here. "No more games," he says before hanging up. Odd to say that to your henchman, no? Derek wants to know exactly where the hell it is they're supposed to find the guy. When the henchman doesn't show, Sarkissian's going to come right back here. In a surprise move, even Sarah thinks they have to leave the house.
There's a knock at the garage door. Cameron and Derek draw their guns, while Cameron goes to open the door. It's Silent Chiquita, rocking the Sarah-patented bloody tank top. Sarah, you trendsetter!
Silent Chiquita pulls up at the Connor Compound. The Connor Crew piles out of the car, except for Cameron, sitting directly behind Silent Chiquita. "Do I need to kill you now?" asks Cameron. If ever Silent Chiquita wanted to speak up, now might be the time. But she stays silent. What looks like, from a ways away, Cameron pointing a gun at the back of Silent Chiquita's neck, turns out to be her handing Silent Chiquita a gun. Chiquita takes it, and Cameron gets out of the car. Chiquita sits there alone, wondering if she's ever going to get a line, or if she's doomed to be like Darryl or the other brother Darryl.
Back at the FBI, Ellison's bringing Agent Brassy in on the Agent Kester/George Lazlo thing, only she scoffs when Ellison says that it's not actually George Lazlo. You know, his whole "someone killed a bunch of people and also killed a plastic surgeon after getting him to perform surgery to make the killer look like George Lazlo" theory, which includes the killer then putting himself in the FBI database as Agent Kester. "To what end?" she asks. Also, who is he? "What is he," says Ellison, and Agent Brassy seems to be wondering if she should just call security and have Ellison tossed into Pescadero with the rest of the tin hat brigade. "What is he, that stands across from a man, after killing two other men within thirty-six hours, and when asked of his involvement, can not only lie, but lie well. And not only lie well, but not blink, or twitch, or perform one simple human reaction to the situation?" I don't know, Ellison -- an ACTOR? No, futuristic robot assassin makes much more sense. Either way, shouldn't you guys be saddling up just on the basis of someone impersonating an FBI agent? Well, that's what they're going to do, but not for the right reason, but because Ellison thinks "what is he?" is more accurate than "who is he?"
Back at the Connor Compound, John goes over Sarkissian's computer while Sarah watches over his shoulder. She starts to rub his neck, much to his annoyance. He explains that there are about a thousand useful files on Sarkissian's computer, each of which takes about five minutes to decrypt, and he's on number thirty-seven. "You do the math," he says. She tells him to let her know when he has something, and walks out, past Derek. He strolls in, and asks how John is holding up ("I'm all right.") Derek looks out the window, and says, "So, it's your birthday." John asks how he knows, and Derek says, "I celebrated your thirtieth with you." John smiles and asks how it was. "You got drunk as skunk," laughs Derek. He wants to buy John a beer, and John points out that he's underage, although I think if John's got a birth certificate he ought to get himself a nice legal 24-year-old's ID. Derek changes the offer to that of an ice cream, but insists John take a break from decrypting the files. "It's your birthday. When there's things to celebrate, they should be celebrated."
Derek and John stroll through a park licking ice cream, and Derek figures Sarah's never actually killed anybody. According to him, she's got murder in her eyes, but her heart is pure. They sit down at a picnic table, and nearby are two boys, one younger than the other, playing baseball. You don't think...nah. Anyway, Derek's talking about how it's easy, when you stay in the beautiful world long enough, to think it's always going to be this way. "You realize you'll do whatever it takes to keep from watching it burn again." Happy friggin' birthday, John: your mom's too much of a wuss to kill anyone, plus this will all be fire and ash in just four years.
So the older boy hits a grounder past the little kid, and it rolls to John's feet. He picks it up and hands it to the little boy, who stands there for a lingering moment, smiling at John before running back to his older brother. When the older kid turns around, John sees his shirt says "Reese" across the back. John's eyes go wide, and he turns to Derek, who's smiling at him. "Is that you?" He turns again, and looks at the little kid. "And the younger one, is that..." "Kyle. Throws pretty good for a five-year-old, huh?" says Derek, adding, "Your father always had a nice arm." John looks at him. "How'd you know?" he says. Derek says every time he looks at John, he sees Kyle. "Besides, your mom's his type." John turns to watch the kids again. "Happy birthday," says Derek. Yeah, happy birthday: Kyle used to nail all kinds of chicks that look like your mom.
Johnny Cash intones the passage from the Book of Revelation Ellison quoted earlier, as the agent himself leads a SWAT team on a raid. It's the opening of "The Man Comes Around," from Johnny Cash's American IV album. It's a fantastic song from a fantastic record, and the lyrics speak of Armageddon, and I'm certainly thankful we've moved past the time when the only Johnny Cash song choice for movies or television was "Ring of Fire," which made it into every movie of a certain kind (Tarantino ripoffs) in the '90s. The FBI agents run up the steps of the motel, while in his room, Chrome Artie, on his computer, cocks his head and listens. Elsewhere in Los Angeles, Charley Dixon, driving his ambulance, hears on his scanner chatter about a police raid on a phoney FBI agent named Kester and pulls a U-turn, flicking on his lights for good measure.
The agents make their way to Chrome Artie's door, and on Ellison's signal, knock the door in. We don't see Chrome Artie. We do see an FBI agent flying through the air, landing in pool in the courtyard. And here we'll sit, underwater, watching as the bodies fly in slow motion to land in the water, the sound of bullets in the distance, and Ellison shouting. It's a visually arresting, creative way to get around the expense and cliché of a drawn-out firefight, and while I think the song itself is upbeat to the extent that it undermines the tragedy of the massacre, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen for a second. Well done.
It ends with Chrome Artie, surveying the carnage, a little bloodied himself with the metal showing through his skin. He turns and points a gun at Ellison, who's reloading. They stand there, facing off. Suddenly, Chrome Artie drops his gun and walks away. Ellison watches him go, and then turns towards the swimming pool, the water turning red. Charley pulls up at the motel, and ducks for cover as he watches Chrome Artie walk away. Then he runs into the courtyard, stopping short when he sees the bodies floating in the pool. Ellison's crouching over the lifeless body of Agent Brassy. Oh, and Sarah's voiceover is rambling on about The Lord Of The Flies, but I could not be paying less attention.
John's back at his computer working away. Sarah strolls in, and asks if he's seen Derek. John thinks he's back at the park. "What were you two doing?" she asks, and John stammers out something about going for ice cream. He prints off a picture for her, of some heretofore-unseen other guy who may also have been after the Turk as well. She takes the printout, and then suggests he take a break. He says he's OK, and she wants to know how they're supposed to celebrate his birthday if he doesn't stop. She's rather proud of herself for remembering her son's birthday. He tries to play it like it's not important, certainly not when you compare it with Skynet and Judgment Day. "It's our life," he says. "It's our mission," she corrects him. "This is our life. If we stop caring about that, then we're lost." She says she sent Cameron to get a cake, which makes John laugh. She asks him what he wants for dinner, and he suggests, not to insult her cooking or anything, but could they maybe go out for dinner? He goes to shut down the computer, then notices something.
"That guy Derek killed in the alley," says John, looking at a scan of some ID. "I don't think that was Sarkissian." Indeed, the face on the ID is the cashier from the cyber café."
Johnny Cash kicks in again, as Cameron sashays across the street to the Jeep. She gets inside. There's a tall lanky man walking away, as Cameron inserts the key. The guy looks back -- it's the cashier/real Sarkissian. Cameron turns the key -- and the Jeep explodes. Inside the house, Sarah reacts to the explosion by standing up, taking a couple of steps, and striking a pose. A perplexed, intense, ready-to-fight pose. A pose that dares to ask the question: "Will I be renewed?"