Episode Report Card Al Lowe: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Tell Your God To Ready For Blood
By Al Lowe | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 06.10.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. Oh, how I have missed all these cocksuckers so very much. Things are progressing in Deadwood -- some for good, some for bad. There is, of course, a murder within the first minute, satisfying the tensions of our long hiatus. Joanie's new place is now being used as the schoolhouse and she, Jane, and Mose are hanging loose, spending their days wandering the town until they can return in the evenings. Joanie is in a bad way, not knowing what to do with herself, grudgingly tending to Cy (who is manipulatively lengthening his recovery from last season's stabbing), clinging to the Good Book. Hearst's machinations are in full swing as he moves to control the goings-on in camp. Al ain't having it, however. Nor is Bullock, who, though he tries to control himself, loses his temper in a meeting with Hearst, thinking E.B. has revealed secrets of his assignations with the former Mrs. G. He whips up on the innkeeper in a long-overdue beatdown. At their new house, Ellsworth discovers his wife in a faint. Doc puts her on complete bed rest in hopes that her baby will survive. Meanwhile, the camp readies itself for the upcoming elections -- all our faves are running for office (except Al, of course, who is entirely too brilliant to be a politician). Sol Star for Mayor! Want more? The full recap starts right below!Welcome back, you cocksuckers, one and all. What a long and dusty hiatus we have suffered without our brethren in fucking arms. It's a new day in Deadwood -- six weeks since we last saw the camp -- and Al steps out on his balcony to observe the thoroughfare. To my great delight, he appears to be seriously ticked off, just how we like him.
Below, Dan has come out the front door of the Gem, warily watching something going on inside as he looks up to tell Al that events at the bar are "fixin' toward a bloody outcome." Al knows. "Absentin' myself," he says, "don't change your fuckin' instructions." Dan sighs and goes back in where some dirty guys are chatting away in Cornish, which has got to be just about the craziest language ever spoken by white people, and are being nonsensically harassed by some goon in a bowler who keeps disturbing their conversation by raising his glass and saying "parp" over and over again. According to my extensive searching on the origins of the word parp and what it might have meant to a Cornishman in the 1800s...I don't know. Allegedly, it now is used by the English as slang for "utter garbage" or, in one definition I found, to mean "an odorless bum whistle." That one's for you, Glark.
Anyway, these Cornish guys at the bar are getting irritated, and Dan is watching it all go down, growing more and more concerned as they approach the inevitable outcome. He twitches at Johnny, who is holding a gun under the bar trained on the parp guy who has now ramped up his insults to include such obscenities as "whoop goggle, boop, boop!" The Cornishmen have had enough and turn to face their verbal assailant. Johnny looks again to Dan who signals for him to stay cool, but tensions barely have time to mount before the bowler hat shoots the middle Cornishman right in the parp, killing him. "HEY!" Dan yells. "He come at me," the bowler hat says, "with his foreign gibberish." Uh, whatever. While that may technically be true, Dan doesn't like unnecessary murders in the joint, and he commands everyone to get the fuck out. "G'day sir," bowler says with a questionable Irish accent and leaves with his backup henchman as Dan nearly grinds down his own teeth. Al steps out from his office now and observes the dead body. "Wu's out of camp," Johnny says, noting that their usual method of human disposal is unavailable. Al tells them to store the guy in the ice house and turns and slams his door.