Some reunion bullet points to tide you over until the full recap:
- Tyson used a flatiron on his hair and somehow it works for him.
- The entire cast got to sit on the stage for the reunion.
- They show a photo of Monica and Brad when they met in college, and they both look like completely different people and it's a little scary.
- Probst compliments Ciera on realizing that she needed to make a move and being willing to go to rocks.
- Colton is still a dick and a waste of space and a professional victim. Over him.
- Rupert still has weird ideas about how women need rescuing and protection.
- Cochran got a job as a TV writer on The Millers and they spend way too much time on that at the expense of the people who were actually on this season.
- Aras and Vytas are close but still argue.
- Kat implies that she got a boob job and makes no sense as usual. What is Hayden doing with her?
- Tina's son (and Katie's brother) was killed in a car accident, but Tina and Katie still made it to the reunion.
- season has three tribes: Brains, Brawn, and Beauty. It won't be as good as Blood Vs. Water, but at least it makes sense.
After Tyson has had some time to give out all of the hugs and everyone is back on stage, Probst welcomes us to the reunion and launches right into the traditional Celebration of the Winner with a clip package of Tyson's highs and lows. This seems like a good time to talk about Tyson's hair. It's been flat-ironed? I read an interview with him where he said the hair and makeup people straightened his hair and then wanted him to wear it in a ponytail but he thought he looked like a creepy uncle so he wore it down. You'd think they could have at least thrown some beachy waves in there so it didn't look quite so sorority sister. Anyway, in the clip package, when Rachel left, Tyson vowed to beat everyone there. And then he did! That's kind of awesome. He also dislocated his shoulder. Then he found all of the Idols, basically told his alliance who to vote out each and every time (or at least each time that it mattered) and won the game.
Tyson gets choked up again watching the clip package. Man, is Tyson on his period? What's with all the waterworks? Kidding. It just cracks me up that the guy has always been such a goof and now he's suddenly Mr. Emotions. Probst asks him what was different this time, his third time playing the game. Tyson says that his original intention was to go in and have fun and he was only playing so that Rachel could also play and have the experience. And then when she refused to let him switch with her, and denied herself the experience, he knew that he had to fight and scrape and win to make her sacrifice worth it. Probst asks if that made a big different in his mindset and Tyson says it did, because there were times in the past when he would have relaxed or let down his guard, and this time he wouldn't let himself do that.
Probst asks Rachel if she was surprised to hear that her departure had such a huge impact, and Rachel says she was. She adds that she always knew Tyson had it in him to make the finals, but she still wondered if he would do it. Probst asks Tyson to try to give the audience a sense for not just the physical struggles, but also the mental fatigue. Tyson says that, other than Caleb, no one seemed to sleep more than two hours a night, both due to discomfort and strategy running through their heads. Why was Caleb able to get so much sleep? Missed the follow-up there, Probst. Probst says he likes seeing a Tyson who can complete a sentence and isn't always sarcastic. That must get frustrating for him, when he gets players who are just trying to fuck with the process. Then again, they did invite Tyson back twice.
Probst turns his attention to Monica, and says that she impressed a lot of people this season with "her dominating physical play." Cut to a clip package of Monica losing Brad, and then eating gross stuff, hanging onto ropes, and hanging onto a different rope in order to win her three immunity challenges. Probst gives a long speech about how people either love or hate Monica and Brad (seriously, he goes through every permutation of who they might love or like or hate) and then asks why it was so important to Monica to show her kids that she was a badass too. Monica says that being married to Brad and having children has surpassed all of her dreams, and she wanted to show Brad that she's still the "gritty little co-ed" that caught his eye in college. They flash a picture of Monica and Brad from their college days and holy crap do they look different. I'm not saying Monica had plastic surgery or Brad was using performance-enhancing drugs, but if those stories came out, I would not be surprised. Monica's face was much fuller and Brad was twice the size he is now.
Probst takes a question from a Twitter user who wants to know what Monica and Brad's kids had to say. Monica says they claimed that they were proud, but they weren't surprised. Probst asks about the emotional toll, and Monica claims that she was pummeled. Monica strikes me as someone who hasn't had a lot of difficulties or tragedy in her life, if she thinks that was pummeled. Probst goes out to the audience for no reason to talk to a fan who loves Monica and doesn't like Brad too much and it's a waste of time when there are so many other people to talk to. Brad says how much he loves and admires Monica and even Probst is like, "Gross, you guys. Quit."
Hey, how about the third finalist, Gervase? Before Probst can move on, Brad and Monica have to yell thanks to Vytas for giving Monica one vote (and second place money). Okay, settle down Culpeppers. Ooh, Probst mentions my favorite: people on the street. And yes, I sung that a la Queen and David Bowie in "Under Pressure." Anyway, the mythical people on the mythical street want to know why Gervase didn't take a more visible leadership role. Gervase says he didn't want to make himself a huge target, and he figured that if someone wanted to take out their alliance, they'd take out Tyson first which would give him three days to scramble and figure something out. It's not a bad move if the others had ever gotten their shit together and voted Tyson out. But since that didn't happen, Gervase just looked like he was riding coattails. Gervase admits that he wanted to get rid of Tyson at some point, but he didn't know who else he could trust enough to jump to their alliance. Probst says it speaks to the difficulty of the game, because Gervase made it to the end but couldn't win.
Probst tells Ciera that she made two of the biggest moves in the game, which shocked him because he initially thought she'd be out early. I think we all did. First, Probst wants to know if the rock-drawing really came into shape at Tribal, or if Ciera had considered flipping ahead of time. Ciera says that she didn't really realize she was in fourth place in their alliance until that moment, and she also realized that she could get to the final four and then go home filled with regret that she didn't at least try something. Probst gets ALL fired up and yells that you have to play to win, not play for four or five or the jury.
Probst tells Hayden that he did one of the best sales jobs at Tribal Council of all time, and wonders if Hayden planned that ahead of time or just picked up on the vibe at Tribal Council. It's nice to see Hayden get his due; that was pretty amazing. I don't know that I've ever seen someone change so many minds during one Tribal Council. Hayden says that he knew going in that he was to go and it would take a big move for him to stay, so when he saw his opportunity, he went for it and it worked.
Probst brings up Ciera's other big move: voting out her mom. He compliments Laura for her touching and mature interview where she explained that she didn't want to go home, but she was also really proud of how strong Ciera had become as a person, and we see that clip again. Probst asks if they're closer now, and Laura says that they couldn't really be closer, and Ciera adds that there's maybe a new element to their relationship and a new respect for one another.
Probst promises that Rupert and Colton are , and I'd kind of like to skip this part? But I will make it brief, because they're both assholes. Colton once again has a chance to try to redeem himself and he bombs, blaming his quitting on being on a tribe of men the first time and "Tribe AARP" the second time. I wish Tyson would just punch him in the face. I don't advocate violence, but Colton has one of the most punchable faces of all time. Probst is forced to admit that Colton really only quit once, but then comes backs strong by saying that Colton is joking about his tribe, but three of them kicked his ass and made it to the finals. Probst is just perplexed by Colton and wants to know why he quit. Colton's big rationale is that he needs other people to take care of him, and now he's trying to learn to persevere. Ugh. He's in his 20s, right? Grow the fuck up. Probst asks Caleb what he sees in Colton that we don't. Caleb says that Colton likes comfort, and without it, he goes into panic mode, and becomes almost a different person. Yeah, he seems very different on these reunion shows. Except he seems like the same little snot.
Done with him! How about Rupert? Ugh, talk about going from bad to worse. Anyway, Rupert gave up his spot so that his wife could stay. And then immediately lost at Redemption Island, which was awesome. Rupert says he has no regrets and he wanted to protect and save his wife. How about maybe she doesn't need your help? How about you let her win or lose on her own merits, like John did? Or like Tyson did? That, to me, is a much more manly and respectful way to play. Laura says that she was happy to play and she had a great time, so she's grateful to him. Aaaand, we're done with Rupert. Hooray! Moving on.
Then there's a whole thing about Cochran and how he got a job on the writing staff of The Millers after he mentioned wanting one on last year's finale. And that's great and all, but it's a really long segment and there are so many people who were on THIS season that we didn't get more than a second with, and how about we make this a webisode time? Fine, I know CBS wants to promote their sitcom during a highly-rated show but does it have to be so long?
Let's talk to Aras and Vytas. Aras says that it did bring them closer, because prior to this they haven't had many positive experiences together, and this is something they can talk about for years and years. Aras admits that everything isn't always rosy. Vytas adds that he thought they were as tight as they ever were and then they day they got back, they got in a fight and didn't talk for two weeks. That's healthy. Anyway, they say they're brothers who are close in age so they will always be competitive. I think Vytas is kind of a punk, honestly. A Twitter use wants to know if Vytas would play again. He totally would, and so would Hayden. I would much rather see Hayden and Ciera back than Vytas, honestly.
Going back to Hayden now, he says that Survivor is physically much harder than Big Brother, although Big Brother is harder socially because it goes on longer. Then he talks to Kat, who has on so much makeup that she looks like a '60s lounge singer. She laughs that she and Rustle Feathers are still a couple, but they live in two different states. Kat wants them to live in the same state, so she got a boob job. No, she really did. And she says that's why. And no one knows what in the fuck she's talking about. You guys, I worry about their future children. Hayden could do better.
Probst moves on to talk to Candice and John. Candice says this season was much harder because normally in the game, you can put on your armor and go into game mode, but when your husband is playing, your emotions get involved and you start acting crazy. I liked Candice and John on the show, but mostly as antagonists for Brad. They're kind of boring otherwise.
A change in tone to talk to Tina and Katie. Tina relays the story of how her son, Katie's brother, was killed in a car accident just a few weeks ago. Tina wants to spread the message that people need to always wear their seatbelts. Probst asks Tina why she was willing to come to the reunion when this tragedy was so recent. Tina says that she considers the people she played with to be like her family, and being with them brings her comfort. I note that Tyson has reached his hand back to hold Tina's leg as a means of support, which is nice. Katie says that having this reunion to look forward to has been helpful in a time of darkness, and she really feels the love. She adds that in lieu of flowers, they are asking people to donate to the Red Cross for Philippines disaster relief.
Tyson gets his check, which is disappointingly normal-sized. So what's up for season? There will be three tribes: brains vs. brawn vs. beauty. No returnees. It could be interesting. It could be terrible. We will all find out in February. See you then!