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Stephanie is gone for good, as she loses the Redemption Island challenge to Matt, who may have Jesus on his side after all. Unfortunately for Zapato, however, they still have a whiny, arrogant loser tribemate to deal with in David, who makes it very obvious that he doesn't like or trust Sarita. Onomatopoeia also has an odd man out on their tribe: Phillip, of course, who has another fit, this time over being denied a spoonful of crispy rice. It doesn't matter in the end, as Onomatopoeia wins another immunity challenge, thanks mostly to Grant, while Sarita's weaknesses become more obvious to her tribe (though they were not, I would say, the reason why they lost it). Even though a merge is bound to be coming soon and alliance loyalty is much more valuable than challenge ability, they decide they're better off with David's "strength" than Sarita's loyalty and, much to her surprise, vote her out.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously on Survivor, Probst totally made up his own version of the show in which Zapato throwing the challenge to get rid of Li'l Russell destroyed their entire game and made them all hate each other forever, when in reality, they won the very challenge after that, the only people threatening tribe unity were Li'l Russell's girlfriends and a guy who got all butthurt when Sarita said he choked under pressure, and Onamatopoeia only won challenges that were suspiciously tailored to the strengths of its tribe members. Also, Li'l Russell was voted out like three years ago so I don't understand why we're seeing him in the previously on segment at all.
Anyway, the tribe that ruined Probst's great Rob vs. Russell idea by voting Li'l Russell out the first chance they gave themselves, thus earning the host's undying twisted hatred forever, return to camp. Steve hopes to bring everyone back together and talk about David's obvious issues with Sarita, but David is still having his little attitude problem, so he says he doesn't have a problem with Sarita except that he "doesn't trust [her]." Meanwhile, David apparently trusted Stephanie, who was planning on flipping as soon as she hit the merge feast, so I guess he isn't a very good judge of character. David interviews that he voted for Sarita because he wanted his tribe to know "where [he] stood," even if it means he is voted out . Sarita, who is an adult, says she hopes they can get past this and she's willing to listen to the "constructive criticism" she was given at Tribal and pitch in more around camp and in challenges. Steve interviews that now that they are the tribe of six they always wanted to be, there's a huge rift between David and Sarita. Sarita tries to fix it by telling David she has a lot of respect for him, but he cuts her off and says, "you don't need to give me a speech. It doesn't matter." Steve interviews that he hopes David can be "man enough" to put his petty shit aside for the good of the team, which it looks very much like he cannot.
Matt has been alone on Redemption Island for days at a time since nearly the beginning of the game, but now that he's stuck there with Stephanie, he clearly wishes for some more of that alone time. She talks and talks and talks and talks while Matt just sits there with his buff over his mouth so she can't see him mouthing prayers to Jesus that Stephanie will suddenly be stricken with a plague of laryngitis. Matt says he wants to go into the duel as soon as possible so that, one way or the other, he will be rid of Stephanie.
At Camp Onomatopoeia, two people must be chosen to watch the Redemption Duel. Phillip volunteers himself, so Rob steps up and asks if he can go, too. Of course, everyone says yes because everyone loves Rob and defers to his wishes at all times. Phillip reminds us that he no longer trusts Rob after he tried to hide that idol clue from him, and then goes all Coach on us by quoting Asian warriors and their books on military strategy. He boils Miyamoto Musashi's teachings down to saying that Rob likes to control everyone and everything, but Phillip will not be controlled by Rob or anyone. But then Rob orders Phillip to wear his shirt to the Arena and Phillip quickly obeys. Rob explains that Phillip is "not allowed" to go anywhere without "a chaperone," so it is up to him to accompany Phillip to the Arena and make sure Phillip doesn't do or say anything stupid. "He's probably the most unaware person I've ever met in my entire life," Rob sighs. As long as he continues to underestimate Phillip, the Former Federal Agent? just might have a chance in this game after all.
Serious battle music plays us into the war of ages, in which Stephanie and Matt will face off in a fierce game of ... memory. This show is so lame, you guys. David and Ralph are observing for Zapato. Probst claims that this game of memory, which is designed to be played by children three and older and comes in a Dora the Explorer-themed edition, is one of the most challenging contests our contestants can face because it tests their mental faculties after so many days without much food or sleep. The first player to get five matches wins. Matt goes first, and unearths a skull and uh ... a skull. Probst can't believe it! Stephanie is like "oh shit." And Jesus is all "see, Sara? I totally am helping Matt after all. So suck it." But then Stephanie goes and flips over a crocodile and another crocodile, so I guess Jesus doesn't love Matt more than her after all. "Redemption Island got something going on out here!" Probst nerds. By the way, has anyone been reading his live tweets? I haven't, because the one hour a week I spend with him is more than enough, but I'm sure they're really obnoxious and talk about Li'l Russell and how much Zapato sucks over and over again no matter what is actually happening on screen.
The game progresses. Matt gets a second match when he's lucky enough to flip over a Fire tile right after Stephanie revealed where its match was. Matt then gets a third match with two eagles, one of which I think he took a lucky guess on. Jesus is back on his side, I see. More memory is played, which really isn't exciting enough to warrant a play-by-play, and soon Matt takes a four-to-three lead over Stephanie. There are few tiles left when Matt flips over a calendar, which he and Stephanie know the match to has already been shown. But Jesus is mad at Matt right now, so instead of flipping over the match, he flips over a headdress. That gives Stephanie an opening to tie it up, but she, too, is unable to locate the other calendar tile and flips over War Clubs instead. Oops! Matt knows where the match to that is, and gets his fifth match to win the game.
Probst rubs it in by asking Stephanie how she feels when she wants to play this game so badly but is definitely out of it. Well, gosh, Probst, I'd say she feels bad. Sure enough, Stephanie breaks down in tears of sadness before pulling a Li'l Russell and calling out various people in the game. I really hate that they give departing contestants a chance to do this. Stephanie tells Ralph that Sarita doesn't "deserve" to be in this game and that the only way her former tribe will have a chance to win is if they get rid of her and not David, who she figures is on the outs since he voted for Sarita instead of Stephanie. Um, maybe they didn't know that, Stephanie. Way to out the guy. I mean, it was obvious, but she doesn't know that he admitted to his tribe that he voted for Sarita. She says David is "the only guy" on the tribe who can do puzzles, even though we have yet to see any evidence of his puzzle prowess. "Do you want to take on that responsibility?" she asks Ralph. Ralph shrugs that if he has to, he will. Probst doesn't seem to think that Stephanie has talked enough, so he asks if she has anything to say to Rob or Phillip. Stephanie tells Rob to look out when the merge happens, because Zapato will be gunning for him. She hopes he'll be able to "win" Matt's loyalty back, but that might be difficult. Finally, Probst sends Stephanie away.
But that doesn't end the conversation, as Probst wants to hear from Phillip and what he thinks of Matt's challenge abilities. Phillip is still on his Samurai warrior kick, but not enough to actually know how to pronounce "bushido." He deems Matt to be a true Samurai warrior. Because he can do table mazes and play memory. Okay. Matt is just like, "thank you, Phillip." Probst tells Matt to go back to his lonely beach. Matt leaves and gives Rob a parting shot of "yeah, I won another one" as he passes. If, after all this, Matt goes back in the game and sides with the tribe that voted him out, it will mean that Redemption Island was a meaningless waste of time. And that Matt is stupid. Rob interviews that he knows Phillip will turn against him when the merge happens and he's bent out of shape at Phillip for not being able to keep his mouth shut at the Arena even though he only spoke up when Probst specifically addressed him.
Phillip and Rob walk back to camp. Phillip asks Rob if he wants him to "withhold" any information they gleaned at the Arena. Rob says he wants to be totally upfront with their tribe and not risk splitting them. Phillip says that's what he wants, too, and was just asking what Rob wanted to do. But, of course, Rob chooses to interpret this as Phillip trying to be sneaky and hide things from their tribe, and says he's looking forward to using that against Phillip. They return to camp and tell them what happened and how Stephanie told him that the other tribe is gunning for him. Phillip walks away to get a drink of water, and Rob uses that as a chance to tell the others that Phillip wanted to keep information from everyone, which shows that he's planning to flip to the other tribe as soon as there's a merge. Rob says Phillip should be voted out if they lose again. Like they were going to vote anyone but Phillip before Rob told them that. With that, Phillip falls out of a tree with the clumsiness of both a gorilla and a lion. Rob confidently says if they lose the challenge, he won't even bother to blindside Phillip out of the game; he'll tell him to his face and "frontside" him. And give him ample opportunity to burn the shelter down with all of his tribemates inside.
Ralph and David give the Arena report to the rest of their tribe. Steve asks if Stephanie "got nasty" after she lost. Ralph says she was. David thinks she wasn't "particularly egregious" in her words. No one on his tribe knows what "egregious" means with the possible exception of Sarita. Ralph adds that it looks like Matt will side back with the tribe that voted him out, so they shouldn't count on him. As David walks away, Ralph says David is just as likely to side with Onomatopoeia as Matt is. The rest of the tribe agrees, and Ralph interviews that you can't trust a lawyer. Oh, but you can trust a farmer? Not if you're a chicken or a cow or a pig or whatever other animals Ralph kills on a daily basis. Lawyers "think they're a lot better than everybody else," Ralph says. Well, that is true. In David's case, anyway. He does little to change anyone's mind about that, as he decides that the tribe should go fishing today, since it's right after a big storm and they had good luck the last time they fished following a storm. Julie says that particular storm came from the ocean, whereas I guess the last one came from inland. Now, she says, the water is all muddy and thus will be bad for fishing. David argues that it will be full of "bait fish" from the river, which should attract the big tasty fish towards the shore.
Steve interviews that some know-it-all little boy attorney is trying to say he knows more about fishing than old farmer Ralph, which is making him "tough to stomach." Even Julie has an opinion about David, saying he is really starting to annoy her. Sarita hates his smirk, and does an impression of it for the group. She interviews that David might think he's the ultimate player of this game, but she thinks he's doing a terrible job in the all-important social game. Which he is, but that's also because there really isn't anyone on his tribe (nor was there before the other three were voted out) like him and he doesn't seem to be able to get along with people who don't know a lot of big words or have much education. That said, the fact that we're hearing about how obvious a boot David is means that, if Zapato loses again, David is safe. I am wise to your tricks, editors! Ralph says David might be smart, but "it don't take a smart one to win this game." No, but you really should be literate enough to know how to spell people's names right when you vote for them, Ralph.
You guys, I really miss the reward challenge. This show is freaking dragging without it. Maybe if they had cast more interesting and likeable people, it wouldn't be boring and/or awful to watch them interact, but they didn't, so it is. Day 18 at Onomatopoeia, and everyone except Rob, who is probably off doing his 158th interview of the day, sits down to a bowl of rice. The girls and Grant sit around the cooking pot and talk about the "crispy" rice, a.k.a. the stuff stuck to the side of the pot. Grant is fishing around for a spoonful, but one of the girls warns him not to take too much, since she promised she would put it aside for Rob. But then they all decide that there's more than enough for Rob and possibly indulge in a few spoonfuls for themselves. It's hard to tell. Phillip walks up and asks for one - just one! - spoonful of the crispy rice. He is immediately turned down by Natalie and Ashley, who say all remaining crispy rice is Rob's. They claim that they haven't had any of the crispy rice either. Phillip rolls his eyes and walks away, but then returns to say he doesn't understand why one little scoop of crispy rice matters. "It's Rob's serving," Natalie says. Phillip says they should all get equal portions of rice, both crispy and not crispy, and he saw them all take spoonfuls of crispy rice. They just deny it and laugh at him and roll their eyes.
Phillip skulks off to find the one camera that isn't on Rob and vent that everyone likes the crispy rice, but Rob likes it a lot. So when he asked for a little bit of crispy rice, he was told it was all for Rob and he could only have some of the spare non-crispy rice. I don't understand why Phillip can't just make his own batch of crispy rice? It looks to me like it's just the rice stuck on the side of the pot that's kind of burnt. Can't be that hard to make another batch of it out of his non-crispy bowl, right? Anyway, Rob returns, and his ladies shower him with crispy rice gifts as Phillip continues to rant that the women of this tribe are slavishly devoted to him and even wear his underwear at night. Sure enough, they're filling Rob in on how Phillip wanted to steal a spoonful of his precious crispy rice. "Let it be known that the first opportunity I HAVE TO ELIMINATE HIM I WILL!!!!!" Phillip concludes insanely. Meanwhile, Rob's reaction to hearing about Phillip's crispy rice request is a wave of his hand, which Natalie finds hilarious.
Now, up until this point, I agreed with Phillip. He is being treated like crap by a bunch of mean girls (I include Grant in this) who don't want Phillip to have any crispy rice because they know he wants it and they don't like him, and they find it entertaining to make people who aren't part of their little clique feel bad. But then he starts talking about how he is owed the deference Rob gets because he's the oldest person in the tribe, which is silly. Also, it's kind of his own fault that he's stuck on a tribe with a bunch of young popular pretty people because he had a lot to do with Francesca and Kristina being voted out. And yet, he says the division in the tribe is "of their making."
So, now that we know that both tribes have people on them who hate everyone else, we get to the challenge. Hey, remember last season when all the girls were stuck on one team in a reward challenge that required a lot of physical strength? And Jane almost died like three times? Well, it's back, and less than one season later! This show isn't even trying anymore. This time, instead of getting keys from those high spiral wire things, they will get bags of balls, which they must then shoot into a high basket with no backboard. The first tribe to make its way through the obstacle course and put all six balls in the net wins immunity and another field trip picnic. Probst quickly says there will be both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages there, as Natalie is like 14 and therefore not allowed to drink legally. Actually, she's 19 and that is the legal drinking age in Nicaragua according to Wikipedia, so, whatever, Probst.
He says go and both tribes are off to a fast start. Sarita is lifted up to get the first bag off the spiral wire, but her tribe has trouble keeping her steady, while Rob is kind of a genius and figures out that he can just swing the bag really hard and let it winds its own way through the coil much faster than it would take to feed it through manually. So, even though Sarita seems to be doing a good job getting the bag off the coil, Rob spins it through in seconds, thereby giving Probst the chance to yell at Sarita for taking all that time and putting her tribe behind. Onomatopoeia loses some of its lead when Phillip, like, gets lost in the bamboo stick obstacle. Rob has to go help him out as Zapato approach the coil. Mike tells David they're going to lift him up to get the bag instead of Sarita. They do, and while Rob has some trouble getting his bag to swing, David copies his technique and gets the second bag for his tribe, putting them in the lead. Probst doesn't like this one bit, so he totally helps Rob by informing him that he's spinning the bag the wrong way. Asshole.
Both tribes make their way through the net crawl thing. Onomatopoeia is held back slightly when Phillip gets lost again, but the David has trouble with the last bag and gives Onomatopoeia a chance to catch up a little. Zapato makes it through the final brick wall obstacle with their bags as Onomatopoeia get their final bag and make their way through the wall. Zapato starts shooting their balls first, but Onomatopoeia is the first to get one in the net, thanks to Grant being awesome at every sport. He gets a second ball in on what appears to be his second shot, and then a third just after Zapato finally gets one. Zapato follows that with two more, and then a third and a fourth, putting them back in the lead. They only have to make one more basket, but then Grant gets like three more baskets to take the win. It was really close and Zapato was in the lead for most of that challenge, but I'm sure Probst will find a way to spin it that they suffered a crushing defeat due to not having Li'l Russell on their team at Tribal. Can't wait.
He starts a little early, giving Onomatopoeia the idol and telling Zapato that they will have five members by the end of the night and "things are going from bad to worse." With that, a giant helicopter arrives to take Onomatopoeia on their reward and we get a crazy victory voiceover from Phillip: "strong tribes advance boldly. Weak tribes grow agitated. But superior tribes, like ours? WE FIND A WAY TO WIN! And we did." Ha! He could barely find a way to get through the bamboo sticks.
Onomatopoeia enjoy their helicopter ride over an active volcano. They're so happy about winning that they forget about the active volcano that is Phillip and pretend they're all friends and no one is insane. The helicopter lands on the volcano, which is TOO CLOSE. Sorry, I hate volcanoes. People who sit on the edge of active volcanoes are crazy. Rob interviews right to the horror show that is an active freaking volcano and says that in his four times playing this game, this has to be one of the coolest experiences he's ever had. It could be the hottest, if that active freaking volcano were to erupt, which it could do at any moment. The tribe checks the volcano out from a little balcony thing on the edge and marvel at how they are looking at a hole that goes right down to the center of the earth. Or, you know, just to the mantle. I guess Grant was too busy playing football in school to learn 4th grade earth science. He interviews that he's happy that his tribe can enjoy this experience together. So they do, as the picnic is brought out and they cheer and scream over the goodies. Phillip interviews that he is having a "wonderful day." Not only does his tribe now have a numbers advantage, but he also, for the first time, feels included in the group and is happy to share a meal with them.
And so, while the rest of the tribe eat and be stupid, Rob looks for the idol clue. He spots a jar of cylindrically-shaped cookies and figures, correctly, that it's the perfect place to hide a clue. He spots it and yanks it out without anyone seeing him because the rest of the tribe is talking about pesto or something non-game-related. He cheerfully interviews that he has the clue but it doesn't really matter, since he already found the idol. So he tosses it in the volcano. He'd better be careful. I hear the Goddess Pele issues some hefty fines for littering.
We head back to the misery that is Zapato. Mike says losing sucked. They missed out on food and now they're down in numbers with a merge looming. While horrible buzzard vulture things pick at the carcass of sea turtle (what's with all these dead animals washing up on the beach anyway?), Sarita, Mike, Steve, and Julie discuss who to vote out tonight. Duh: David. Sarita wonders if that's wise, since David is good at puzzles supposedly. Um, Sarita? If it's not David tonight, it's you. So you should be fully in support of David going home. Steve and Mike agree that Mike is just as good at puzzles as David probably is. Sarita says she could probably do puzzles, too, and that if she really felt like David brought more to the tribe than she did, she'd ask them to vote her out for the good of everyone. But he doesn't, so she won't. But she still brought it up, which is odd. Does she secretly want to leave or something? She interviews that she's voting for David tonight because he voted for her and wants her gone, so it's a pretty obvious decision for her. She then asks Ralph about it, and he points out that David "done awesome, though, today" and "done great." I think Ralph just doesn't want to vote for David because he can't figure out how to pull off misspelling his name. I'm sure he'll figure out a way! Sarita says she doesn't trust David. Ralph doesn't either. Sarita interviews that her only reservation about voting David out is that he could beat Matt on Redemption Island and come back gunning for her.
Meanwhile, David acknowledges that he's feeling nervous today, as he doesn't think his tribe has "seen the light," a.k.a. agree with his brilliant plan of keeping the tribe strong but fractured like two seconds before a merge. He runs around camp collecting large pieces of driftwood, which Steve and Mike notice and laugh about how David is suddenly pulling his weight for the first time because he knows he's at risk tonight. But is he? Mike interviews that he's starting to think it might be a good idea to take Sarita out instead after her less-than-stellar performance in the challenge. Julie asks the guys without David or Sarita around what they want to do. Ralph is still set on David, but Steve says he thinks they need to keep the tribe strong and take out Sarita, even though they love Sarita and can't trust David. Mike interviews that they have a tough choice between Sarita and David tonight. I don't understand; if they were going to vote based on strength, then they should have voted Sarita out instead of Stephanie last week. But they didn't, so why vote her out now? Then they'll have a tribe that isn't as strong as it could be AND has a trust problem with David. It's the worst of both worlds, so it's probably what they'll end up doing.
And so, the tribe arrives at Tribal to be raked over the coals by the insufferable Probst. He asks Ralph what is wrong with his tribe. Ralph says they were doing well in the challenge today and came very close to winning, but Probst doesn't like that answer, so he cuts Ralph off and says excuses are for losers. "I'm a loser, then," Ralph shrugs. I kind of love how unimpressed by Probst Ralph is. Of course, Probst has to bring up Li'l Russell and how Zapato has lost three of the last four challenges since they deliberately lost one to get rid of him, which I still maintain was the correct decision and would have worked out fine for them if the producers hadn't geared two (possibly three) of the last four challenges to Onomatopoeia's strengths. Julie pleases Probst by saying that they obviously gave themselves bad karma by throwing the challenge, and that they mistakenly believed that their tribe was stronger than the other one and would survive one thrown challenge.
Probst asks David if the problem isn't that they aren't as strong as the other tribe, but that they're divided while the other tribe is very cohesive. David agrees with this, even though I would say Onomatopoeia is more divided and less cohesive than Zapato is, what with everyone openly hating Phillip and Phillip being wildly unpredictable. At least Zapato make an effort to pretend they all like David. David makes a good point, however, when he says that the tribe worked much better as a team when they had a common enemy in Li'l Russell. Once he was gone, they fell apart. Actually, it seems to me that they only fell apart when David decided he was better than everyone else and wanted to keep Stephanie around instead of Sarita because she dared to say he stressed out during challenges. He says Onomatopoeia look like they all get along really well and probably have a great time with each other at camp all the time.
Probst asks Ralph if he agrees with David that it's important for a tribe to be cohesive. Ralph doesn't know, as he doesn't know what cohesive means. Probst puts it in simpler terms, asking Ralph if he'd rather manage a group of guys who were strong but didn't like each other, or a group of guys who were less strong but worked really well as a team. "I disagree," Ralph says. Probst points out that there's nothing to disagree with yet: he was asking him a question. Ralph says he'd rather have the strong group of guys who don't like each other, because they'll work harder and better, unlike the guys who get along and are sure to sit around talking instead of working. HA! Suck it, Probst! Ralph totally made a good point there. Somehow. Steve disagrees with Ralph, saying that a coach would rather have a team that gets along. And he thinks his tribe gets along just fine. Probst says Krista, Stephanie, and now David don't seem to be getting along. Well, yeah, because Krista and Stephanie were in an alliance with Li'l Russell and chose to act like whiny babies when he was voted out. That's not the rest of the tribe's fault. Steve says that's exactly his point: Krista and Stephanie were dissenters in their group, and that's why they were voted out. And their tribe is stronger without them. Probst, of course, has to ask David if he's worried that, as another dissenter, he is being targeted tonight. David says he is, but he promised Stephanie that he wouldn't vote for her and thought it was important to keep that promise. Probst asks Sarita if David's need to keep a promise shows that he's a loyal person to have around. Of course, Sarita doesn't think so. She says that until David voted for her last week, it never would have occurred to her to vote him out, no matter what personal differences they may have had. "I honor my alliances," she says. After some petty squabbling and the use of words like "hierarchy" that you know Ralph doesn't understand, David says he thought voting Sarita out was the best thing for the tribe.
Probst says that tonight, for the first time, Zapato doesn't have a Stephanie or a Krista to vote out. It will have to be a member of the alliance. Sarita says that's true, and her name was written down last week. Probst asks if she'll be seeking revenge on David, then. "Um ... " Sarita says. David says of course she is, and he knows that and so does everyone else. He just has to hope that his tribe will finally value strength over loyalty and keep him over Sarita. Probst sends them off to vote. Sarita votes for David, saying he betrayed her and it's too bad because he has "a lot of great qualities." David votes for Sarita, saying he loves writing her name down. He probably doesn't think she has any great qualities.
Probst returns with the urn. Steve is shaking his head, which makes me think he voted for Sarita and is upset about it. Ugh. The first two votes are Sarita and David's for each other, and then there's a vote for "Davie," so I guess Ralph figured out a way to misspell his name after all. After that glimmer of hope, the rest of the votes are for Sarita, who is shocked. David takes a moment to look at her and smirk because he is clearly not used to winning. Act like you've been there before, asshole. Sarita mutters that she didn't even bring her stuff to Tribal. "Don't get too confident," David says. I hope his tribe is seriously regretting their decision to keep him around now. Sarita, nice to the end, thanks Probst for snuffing her torch and waves to her tribe before leaving. As she approaches Redemption Island, she tells us why losing her instead of David was a dumb move on her tribe's part: with the merge coming soon, it's better to have a weaker person going up against you for individual immunity than a stronger one. I think she has a point there, but the time to make it was before her tribe decided to vote her out, not after.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.