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Due to this season's camp being located in a rainforest, it rains. Both Naonka and the other Kelly decide they've had enough of it after 27 days and, at the reward challenge, inform Probst of their decision. Of course, this annoys him greatly, and he says so before giving them both the rest of the day to think about it and then tell him their final decision in a Very Special Tribal Council. Naonka gets to think about it while she's enjoying a reward with her fellow winning teammates Chase and Ben as well as Dan, who was not picked to be on either challenge team and thus got to pick a team to root for and win the reward with them. Holly was also on the winning team, but she chose to give up her prize in exchange for a better, less-burnt tarp and some more rice for everyone. Naonka could have done this, but decided she'd rather enjoy the fruits of her challenge labor even though she was about to quit and be able to eat all the food she wanted anyway. And we shouldn't expect anything less from her at this point. She does give Chase her immunity idol, so I guess that's one not horrible thing she did. But only one. At Tribal, Probst basically tells Naonka and the other Kelly off for being weak and terrible in front of their disgusted tribemates and an even more disgusted jury (especially Alina, who cries) before asking for their final decision on whether or not they want to stay in the game. They both quit, but are somehow still allowed to have their torches snuffed (or "smuffed," as Naonka calls it because she apparently quit vocabulary class, too) and be on the jury, so we'll see them again.
Oh, and the other 45 minutes of the show were basically a commercial for some stupid movie. Way to pay all that money for product placement on a episode about two sucky quitters, 20th Century Fox.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Amongst the ever-present storm clouds and snakes, Libertad sans Brenda return to camp on Night 27. The other Kelly has something to say about this, sort of "tonight was wild," she whispers to NaOnka, who agrees. The other Kelly asks who she voted for, and NaOnka truthfully says Brenda, although she claims it was only because of the things Brenda said about her at Tribal. The other Kelly interviews for like the second or third time this season to say that Brenda's boot "completely screwed [her] over" and she was "completely left in the dark" and that sucks. "I have no idea what to expect from here on out," she tells NaOnka and Sash, like anyone in this game ever knows what's going on, ever. That's the point. Although I guess she wouldn't know that since she probably never watched the show before anyway. The other Kelly says that she is now at the "bottom of the totem pole" of any alliance she "wants to be a part of," apparently assuming that the alliances would want her to be a part of them.
Meanwhile, Holly confers with NaOnka about Brenda's behavior at Tribal, telling her not to be upset about it because it only showed Holly that she can trust NaOnka that much more. Oh, you mean like how Brenda trusted NaOnka? Because that didn't work out so well for Brenda. In an incredibly unflattering night vision interview, NaOnka says that Brenda "literally" threw her under the bus and ran her over with it several times. If only. Actually, I'd like it if a bus literally ran over NaOnka's leg so it had to be amputated and then she had to have prosthesis but she never got a chance to actually use it because it kept getting thrown in the fire. "And then [Brenda] had the nerve to write my name down!" NaOnka says, apparently forgetting that she had the nerve to write Brenda's name down first and that was why Brenda wrote her name down at all. "Bitch, you made me look good!" NaOnka says, as if that was possible at this point. NaOnka says she isn't afraid of anyone here, and that everyone should actually be afraid of her and the words she uses when she tells people off. Does she really think she's good at arguing? Because it seems to me that she only "wins" because people don't want to talk to her anymore. Chase is almost as delusional as NaOnka and says that he, she, Holly, and Jane need to stick together until the end. They want to get Sash and the other Kelly out first, but Sash will be difficult since he has the idol. "Blindside him," NaOnka says. Chase just stares into space like a dumbass. He interviews that he wants to get rid of the other Kelly, Sash, and Jud (apparently Ben and Dan don't exist?) but has no confidence that things will go as he plans anymore.
The day, it's pouring outside and the beach is flooded again. "Our nice little pond is now a raging river!" Jane interviews excitedly. The contestants have nothing to do but huddle in the shelter and watch their beach erode. "This makes camp life miserable," Jane says with a mirthless chuckle. The other Kelly and NaOnka, on the other hand, are finding nothing to even sarcastically laugh about in this weather. NaOnka says she's anemic, so when she gets cold, her joints get stuck or something. I thought she was full of shit, but apparently anemia can cause joint pain. That said, after almost a month with very little food, it's safe to say that pretty much everyone at camp is anemic at this point, so I doubt her joints hurt more than anyone else's. Also, maybe you don't go on Survivor if you're so anemic that it causes crippling joint pain. And finally, NaOnka is still full of shit. As for the other Kelly, "there's just only so much I can do," she whines. She says she doesn't know how much more she can take and tells Jud she's never felt anything like this before. So I guess maybe we don't cast ditzy sheltered 20 year olds on this show anymore, hmm? No matter how pretty they are, they almost never make for good TV. Or, in the case of the other Kelly, make for any TV at all. Jud interviews that the elements are tough, especially now that their tarp has a few holes burned into it and they're getting wet. But Jud just tries to find a "mental happy place" and remember that this is all temporary. Holly tries to inspire the group by saying this will make them all "much stronger people." "My ass hurts," NaOnka says. Pearls of wisdom.
Soon enough, the rain stops and the sun is out again. Ben and Jud take a walk to discuss NaOnka and the other Kelly's attitude problems. They're both totally fine with them quitting the game, and the sooner the better. It just puts them that much closer to the end, right? Honestly, I'd be dumping cold water on NaOnka at all times in the hopes that her joint froze up or whatever and I was that much closer to a million dollars. I don't know why no one else is doing that. Ben interviews that they're in a "freaking rainforest" so rain is to be expected. If you can't handle that, Ben says, "you don't belong here." I kinda hate Ben, but he's absolutely right. Chase takes a walk with NaOnka. She thanks him for convincing her not to quit before (well, she doesn't actually thank him -- she just acknowledges that this happened, for NaOnka is incapable of gratitude) and says her heart is no longer in this game so she's giving Chase her immunity idol. And she does. Chase doesn't really know what to say except that he "appreciates the hell out of this." He interviews that he hopes it will help him out and he has no intention of returning it to her if she doesn't end up quitting. Although the fact that she is now giving idols away pretty much tells us that she is dead-set on quitting this game.
Holly and Jane talk about forming a new alliance with Sash instead of NaOnka. Yeah, because Sash would side with them when Holly, Jane, and Chase would be pretty tough to beat in a Final Three or Two. Jane worries that the other Kelly will change her mind about quitting "if she gets warm," but Holly seems pretty certain that Kelly is leaving. If she and NaOnka do quit, that just leaves three guys against Jane and Holly's imaginary alliance of four. Holly lists them off: "Danny, Benry and ... Fabio." Once again, Holly is terrible with names. She's been in a tribe with this guy for like two weeks now, but still needs a second to recall his goofy nickname. I love her. Chase calls Holly and Sash together to talk about their Final Four plans. Why do they want Sash with them anyway? Why not Jud? Or Dan? He'd be great to go to the end with. Sash nods along with frantic Holly and Chase, but interviews that he doesn't trust them as much as he trusted the other Kelly and NaOnka, who he's closest with and knows the best. Thus, he wants them both to stay in the game. Really? Because if they leave, that seems to make Sash a crucial swing vote who both alliances will be courting instead of working together to vote him out.
After the break, it's time for the reward challenge. Probst explains that they'll be divided into two teams of four. Teammates will be tied to each other and have to untie a large heavy dummy from a platform and then carry him through an obstacle course. If they drop the dummy, they have to go back to the obstacle. The first team to get their dummy across the finish line wins. Also, the dummy is named after (and this entire challenge is sort of based on) the lead character in an upcoming movie that I am not going to name because Fox may have paid Survivor big money to become an hour-long infomercial but they didn't pay me, so I'm not going to give them any free advertising. That movie also comes into play again with the reward, which the winning team gets to watch at the Survivor cinema while eating movie food that is very bad for them but very tasty. By the way, there's no way they actually get to watch that movie, which was still being edited and possibly even still being shot when this was filmed. Not like any of these people care, since they just want the food. Probst natters on about inner strength or whatever to fill some time and shame NaOnka and the other Kelly into not quitting, but that doesn't work. NaOnka interviews that while she still plans to quit, she's going to give her all in this challenge because she doesn't want to let her team down. Of course, if you have 100% to give to your team then it doesn't really make sense that you're quitting because you don't think your body can take it anymore, but whatever.
The "schoolyard pick" divides the contestants into the Yellow Team of Jud, Sash, Jane and the other Kelly and the Blue Team of Holly, NaOnka, Chase, and Ben. That leaves Dan as the only person not picked, and he gets to choose a team to root for and enjoy the reward with them if they win. Not only that, but Dan is also going to watch them from his vantage point of a giant armchair, which he sits in while swinging his legs in a most hilarious and even slightly adorable fashion. Probst tells us that Dan chose to back the Blue Team. Yeah, considering that the Yellow Team has Sash, Jane, and the other Kelly weighing it down, I'd say he made the right move. With that, the challenge begins. Both teams set about untying their Product Placements, and the blue team seems to be ahead until, suddenly, the yellow team's dummy is untied and freed. They are closely followed in the obstacle course by blue. The first obstacle is a tall wall that the dummy must be lifted up and over and then lowered to the ground, as dropping it would send them back to the start. Because Dan isn't playing, Probst feels free to praise the contestants on their hard work in this challenge and how they're all "digging deep." The other Kelly gets a giant dummy foot to the face as both teams make their way over the wall.
Yellow team has the lead going into the second obstacle, a bunch of ropes that the dummy must be lifted over and/or dragged through as the contestants cross through it. At one point, the dummy's foot drags across the ground, but Probst doesn't assess a penalty for it so I guess they are allowed to drop some of the dummy sometimes? The lead changes several times in the second obstacle, but yellow regains the slight lead coming to the third, which is a particularly evil-looking tunnel crisscrossed with several ropes. I don't even know how you can get a person through that, left alone a huge cumbersome dummy. Yellow's dummy gets stuck halfway through, while Ben's love of movie candy gives him the strength to almost single-handedly yank blue's dummy through the tunnel. As blue pulls ahead, the yellow team still can't figure out what their dummy is stuck on or how to release it, thanks to the other Kelly not being bothered to even look and Jane shouting at everyone to "push his ass through" instead of finding out. Blue team gets the dummy out of the tunnel and across the finish line, after which they promptly collapse from exhaustion. The yellow losers mutter that they'll be eating the chicken tonight while the others are at the movies. "I just want a hot dog. That's all I want is a hot dog," Holly says tearfully.
Probst takes a second to be an asshole to Dan, saying that he's getting a great reward after putting in "no effort." Dan's just like, "yeah, I sure am. Suck it, Probst." Probst goes on to say that the five will be taken to the Survivor cinema for all kinds of food and a "sneak peek" (a.k.a. they might see a few scenes) of the movie. NaOnka interrupts right here to announce that she's given this game "110%" and put a lot of effort into the challenge she just won as well, but now, apparently, she's sick of trying. "This will be my last day," she says. But she's happy she gets to spend it on a reward with her winning teammates. Probst nods, his lips pursed in anger, and asks if anyone else would like to quit, too. Obviously, he was given a heads-up about both girls' plans to quit (and NaOnka was probably told when to announce it). The other Kelly speaks up to say that she, too, is quitting. She says this game is physically and mentally exhausting and the spoonfuls of rice she gets to eat aren't enough. Probst reminds them that there are only 11 days left, and calls NaOnka a quitter. NaOnka says she isn't a quitter, even though she is quitting this one time. "I'm content with the decision," she says. And it's all about whether or not NaOnka is content, as far as NaOnka is concerned. Probst asks the other Kelly if she's just going to walk away even though she's the youngest contestant in the game and has supposedly done an "amazing job" so far. The other Kelly says she can't believe she lasted as long as she did without quitting and is happy to leave with her "integrity." "I'm good," she says, as if Probst really cares about whether or not she and NaOnka are happy.
By the way, he doesn't. "I'm not good," Probst snaps. He hates quitters. He reminds NaOnka that she's done things in this game before that she regretted later, like when she stole the food. I don't think she did regret that, actually. I think she regretted getting caught, which is different. And, Probst says, the other Kelly wanted to quit before but managed to stick it out. He offers to give them both the rest of the day to think about things and then they'll have a Very Special Tribal Council where he'll ask for their final decisions. If they still want to leave, Probst says, then he'll generously let them go and he figures the remaining seven will be happy to be that much closer to the prize. Which they probably would be, and are sitting there right now thinking "LET THEM GO NOW PLEASE. WHY IS HE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS. NOT FAIR." NaOnka and the other Kelly agree to Probst's terms and he warns them not to become "one of those others. The quitters that nobody remembers." I remember them just fine, actually. I won't remember the other Kelly, though. The editors did a great job of ensuring that. But NaOnka will be remembered just as much as, if not more, anyone else on this season. Maybe if they made the punishment for quitting more severe, like taking away their participant fees and not letting them on the reunion and especially not letting them be on the jury, that would give them more of a reason to stick around. But just threatening them with the possibility that they might be forgotten is not enough.
After all this, we still aren't done. Probst says that, in light of these people being morons and burning all their food and most of their camp down, he's going to give them another tarp and a decent amount of rice (hopefully stored in a fireproof container this time) but only if one person from the team that just won the reward volunteers to give up his or her prize. Dan is not, apparently, allowed to give up his reward. He probably wouldn't have anyway. Well, that's a sucky choice to have to make. Oh, but wait -- maybe not! For NaOnka is planning to leave anyway, so she'll be able to eat plenty of movie food in just a few hours in the Loser's Lodge, right? Holly seems to follow my logic, as she shoots NaOnka several "any time you want to stand up and volunteer" looks. NaOnka doesn't move. The yellow team stare pleadingly at NaOnka. She pretends she doesn't see them. Finally, "I'll do it," Holly says. She then gets to make a speech about it: "I gotta take care of these guys. When I go home, I'll eat as many hot dogs as I want. I have 11 days left ... " and she keeps talking but the editors drown her out in favor of Ben, who mutters to NaOnka to volunteer instead of Holly. Dan doesn't say anything, but he's also looking at NaOnka. Chase, meanwhile, has no idea what's going on right now. "She needs to eat," Ben says. NaOnka says nothing and doesn't even acknowledge that Ben is speaking to her.
Holly grabs the tarp and rice and walks over to the yellow team. And then she looks right at NaOnka and raises her eyebrows in a look that is probably meant to shame NaOnka. Yeah. It doesn't. Holly interviews that she realized right there that she "misjudged" NaOnka. Really? So she didn't think the woman who goes off on everyone at Tribal and steals food from starving people was a selfish waste of oxygen with no heart before now? Because, honestly, the writing was kind of on the wall there. But maybe one of Holly's other personalities was dominant when that stuff happened so her current personality didn't realize what NaOnka was like. And I'll tell you what, those other personalities are going to be furious when they realize that she gave up nachos and hot dogs in exchange for some rice. She urges her more selfish challenge teammates to "have fun" on their reward while they all look totally spent and disgusted. Except for NaOnka, who says "thanks, Ma," no doubt thinking that Holly really does want her to have a good time on the reward because in NaOnka's mind, everyone loves NaOnka and wants to do stuff for her even though she will never, ever do anything for anyone else, ever. All others must give so that NaOnka may take. Probst sends them off to their reward, and Ben lets out a sigh of "unbelievable." Well, it's not like he felt so strongly about Holly getting hot dogs that he volunteered.
The reward losers return to camp just as the rain starts. Good thing they have their new tarp! First, though, they must tell Holly how awesome she is for giving up her reward. Jud interviews that her gesture was "pretty cool," especially since he wasn't getting a reward no matter what. While the others work on getting the tarp up, Holly and the other Kelly go off to collect firewood so Holly can continue her saintliness by trying to convince the other Kelly to stay in the game even though I think it only helps Holly if she leaves. The other Kelly still wants to leave, so Holly offers her "some advice," the same that she tells her daughters when they apparently want to quit Survivor. "Suck it up and ... play the game," she says, or else "you're always gonna be remembered as the girl who quit Survivor Nicaragua 21." That's not going to work on the other Kelly, though, since she probably never heard of this show before she was recruited to be on it and so wouldn't really care how she's remembered by people who watch it. The other Kelly says she's quitting because she's really cold in the rain. "I got you a tarp," Holly points out. The other Kelly struggles to think of another excuse. "The whole food issue," she says. "I just got you more rice," Holly says. Clearly, the other Kelly wants to leave because she wants to leave. Nothing is going to change her mind. She's 20 and a spoiled princess and she doesn't want to be here anymore. She says she's "a wreck" emotionally.
Holly says that the other Kelly needs to toughen up because she's got like 60 more years of life ahead of her that are probably going to suck more than this. True. The other Kelly interviews that Holly told her to "suck it up" for just a few more days, but as far as she's concerned, she's been sucking it up since she got here. "I have nothing left to suck!" she says amazingly. Could she really be that oblivious and clueless that she said that without realizing how hilarious it is? And if she was going around saying stuff like this the entire time, one thing she does have left to suck is how much it does that we've been deprived of her genius for so long. Holly's still going, saying that her daughters tried to quit cross-country once and Holly wouldn't let them because she's one of those parents who tortures her kids with forced activities. Anyway, her daughters ended up being the state champions, which Holly is very proud of even though this is the state of South Dakota we're talking about, so you're competing with like one other person and a moose. The other Kelly still won't say she isn't going to quit, so Holly just leaves her with a stern "you need to seriously think about what you're doing." Holly interviews that she knows what it's like to want to quit because she almost quit herself in the beginning of the game but stuck it out, thanks to some motivating words from The Great Jimmy Johnson. She says she hopes she inspired her children by not quitting. I hope she inspired them by filling Dan's shoes with sand and throwing them in the ocean. Sadly, South Dakota is land-locked, so they'll have to throw shoes in, like, a lake.
Meanwhile, the four reward winners make their way to the stupid Survivor cinemas. Ben greets the sight of hot dogs, popcorn, and nachos with many WOOHOOHOOOs, while Chase sticks his dirty hands in the candy jars and loads up on candy. They grab food and sodas, and while NaOnka enjoys her hot dog, Chase interviews that she was "extremely selfish" to let Holly sacrifice her prize when she was leaving the game in a few hours. NaOnka finally interviews an explanation for her actions: "I didn't give 110% in that challenge to say 'okay, well, you know, I'm about to go home anyway so I guess I'll go ahead and get you guys the rice and the tarp. Uh uh, I wasn't about to do that. I ain't no fool." I find it interesting and kind of scary how NaOnka seems to think of selfless gestures as foolish or a sign of weakness, especially if there is some self-sacrifice involved in making them. I mean, I guess I can see her logic. It just comes from such a selfish, me-first, I-don't-owe-anyone-anything attitude that she shares with a lot of people on this planet, and they all go around making things worse for everyone else in an effort to make them as good as possible for themselves. So, enjoy your hot dog, NaOnka, but know that in exchange, you look like an even more horrible person on national television than you already did and you'll probably go the rest of your life unaware of what a nasty and unpleasant person you are and probably shooting yourself in the foot over and over again. That doesn't really seem like a fair trade to me.
And with that, we have the long, boring Product Placement portion of the show. The contestants talk about the star of the movie and how funny they think he is and recite movie taglines as the movie supposedly plays in front of them. Oh, good -- we get to see parts of the movie, too. Ugh. My favorite part of the entire thing was when one person (I think it was Chase) made a comment about how the star of the movie is fat. Then Ben, now wearing a strange straw hat, interviews that he enjoyed the movie but couldn't stop thinking about how much he hates NaOnka and wants her to leave. Clearly, this movie is not very interesting if Ben's mind wandered during his viewing experience. Finally, the three seconds of the movie (if that) the contestants got to watch end and they are all forced to applaud and pretend it was enjoyable. NaOnka interviews that she's feeling very energetic and therefore "explosive" going into tonight's Tribal Council. Oh, good. I hope she farts on camera again and really goes out with some class. She concludes by saying that if she chooses to stay in this game, she could win a million dollars. No, NaOnka, you could win $100,000 or however much the third or second place prize is. There is no one in the world you could beat for the million at this point, I think. It is more likely that Wendy will come back to the show and win the hearts of the entire jury and win the million.
At camp, the losers prepare for Tribal Council. They enjoy their slightly more comfortable camp and the other Kelly says that Holly's sacrifice was a "smart" move. Enh, I guess. But no one is going to not vote Holly out because of it. In fact, they'll probably want to vote her out even sooner. Holly says Jane would have done the same thing, and Jane's probably sitting there thinking, "hey, how about you don't put an even bigger target on my back than the one I already have?" Jud claims in an interview that tonight's Very Special Tribal Council will be interesting, but I very much doubt it. The other Kelly abuses some more adverbs and says the tarp and rice Holly got "definitely" made a difference in camp life, just like Probst said they "definitely" would. But then she interviews that it still isn't enough to keep her in this game, although she hasn't made up her mind on whether or not she's going to quit.
And so, we begin our Very Special Tribal Council. Jane shows wearing her immunity necklace for shits and giggles, I guess, and it's raining, so you know Probst is thrilled with Kelly and NaOnka for making him do this Tribal tonight. In walks the jury, all looking clean and happy. That's about to change. Probst opens by telling the jury why they're here: to find out NaOnka and the other Kelly's decision on whether or not they want to stay in the game. Alina's jaw drops. Marty's does too. Brenda just grins, which is a rare show of emotion from her. Probst brings up the fact that Holly almost quit this game, which I'm not sure if it's fair of him to mention since most of Libertad wasn't on her tribe then and I don't think it's even come up in Tribal before, so he's kind of giving the other contestants knowledge that they wouldn't have had otherwise. But Holly readily agrees and says The Great Jimmy Johnson convinced her to stay in the game and not be a loser quitter. She's very glad now that she didn't quit and doesn't understand how someone could make it 28 days into this and not want to see it through. Probst then turns to Jane and asks if conditions are tough in this game. Jane says they are but she knows that she has the desire and drive to get through this and so is "hanging in there." She wishes NaOnka and the other Kelly would do the same. Yeah, it's kind of embarrassing when a 50-something weathered lady who weighs like 50 pounds can tough this out while your 20-something spoiled brat asses can't, or rather, won't.
Probst finally talks to NaOnka and asks her when she started seriously considered quitting. NaOnka says that when it's rainy and windy, her joints hurt or whatever. Meanwhile, Dan, whose knee joint hasn't worked and has probably been hurting him all month now, sits up and seems to think "you suck, NaOnka." Then he shakes his head and frowns. NaOnka keeps right on going, saying she's proud to have lasted this long and be the "only African-American" left in the game like that's an accomplishment when there were only two to start with. Well, two and a half if you count Sash, which NaOnka didn't, much to Sash's obvious and understandable annoyance. And it's not like she forgot about him, either. Or at least, she wouldn't admit she did in interviews, where she said that Sash doesn't count as black because his dad is Jamaican or something. She then says that she comes from "a background of strong black women." Strong black women everywhere have got to be so embarrassed right now. Hell, I'm a weak white woman and I'm mortified. Speaking of weak white women, Probst asks the other Kelly the same question. She says she realized this morning that "there was gonna be no end to the weather," which isn't true since there is an end to the weather. It's when the game ends. In just 11 days. If she's even lucky enough to make it that far. Ben and Holly look disgusted as she goes on and on about how she had really tough days on the show, the toughest she's ever gone through in her short spoiled meaningless life. Alina, by the way, seems to be crying now. Yes, Alina, you did get voted out of the game by the very people who are quitting. Ouch.
Probst asks Ben for his opinion on everything. Ben says he knows that you never get anywhere by quitting and it's frustrating to have to "listen" to "these two girls" (which they are -- they are not women. They are children.) claim that they can't stay in this game when they are both "obviously" very capable of doing so. Does Ben realize that the other Kelly and NaOnka are going to be on jury? Or does he just not care? Because he should probably be kissing some soon-to-be-juror ass right now. Probst brings up the fact that Jud is only one year older than the other Kelly, and asks if it's her age that's making her into a big baby loser quitter. Jud says no, seeing as how he has every intention of staying in the game as long as he can. He says it's about "willpower" and mental strength. He doesn't care how bad the weather gets, he says, he knows what he's capable of and he knows he can make it through this.
Probst then moves on to talking about NaOnka's reward challenge win and prize. NaOnka says the reward was "beautiful" and like a "celebration" as Holly shakes her head because she knows that Probst was only asking about the reward just to hear how much NaOnka enjoyed it. He's looking forward to grilling her over not giving that reward up to help her tribemates. "Realistically, you think you had any shot to win this game?" Probst then asks, having finally figured out that NaOnka is totally delusional and looking forward to exploiting that for our amusement. Of course, NaOnka says yes as the jury laughs. Well, Marty and Brenda laugh. Alina is fuming. "Based on what?" Probst asks. NaOnka credits her "drive." You know, that same drive that is making her up and quit right now. "This is amazing," Probst says. He hates her. But he also loves her, because he knows this is going to be great TV. Or at least it will salvage an episode otherwise wasted on Product Placements and quitters. "Please go on," he invites; "regale me with a story, woman." Does Probst even know where he is right now? What is he talking about? "Regale?" "Woman?" What a weirdo. NaOnka says she has the potentially winning combination of "drive, attitude, spunk, and charm." Yes, she said "charm." She says she doesn't just think she had a shot to win; she knows she did. Brenda buries her head in her hands, embarrassed for NaOnka.
Probst asks the winners if they enjoyed "watching" their Product Placement. Of course they did! They loved it! Ben adds that it was "relative" (I think he meant "relevant") to what they're going through right now because they have to find something inside themselves to stay in this game and so did the main character in the movie. I can't wait to see how bad this movie bombs. Ben says he hoped NaOnka would have gotten the movie's message, but apparently not. Finally, Probst addresses Holly's sacrifice and NaOnka's horrible selfishness. Brenda laughs about this, not particularly surprised, while Marty just buries his head in his hands and Alina continues to look homicidal. NaOnka says she "didn't want to" give up her reward. She wanted her last day in this game to be fun so she could "go out with a bang." Probst asks if NaOnka realizes how selfish that sounds. She says she doesn't care what people think about her (obviously) because this is who she is and always will be. And that seems to be working out really well for her so far in life, too, what with already being divorced and having no family or friends at her side when she was going through said divorce and working at the Y as a gym teacher.
Probst notices Chase shaking his head and asks how he feels about this. Chase can't be too harsh on NaOnka because she gave him that idol and everything, so he chooses his words carefully, saying that he disagreed with NaOnka's decision and would have volunteered to miss the reward if he was her. NaOnka says that, again, she doesn't care what everyone else thinks because she's "content." Probst asks Jane for some wise old people words. Jane says the younger people don't seem to realize yet that life is really hard "unless they've got an easy ride from their parents." I guess that's the case with the other Kelly, since we cut to her when Jane says that. By the way, life is still hard when you get an easy ride from your parents. Just not the same way. Like, you don't have to worry about money but you also have to deal with knowing that you have no idea how to provide for yourself and are never truly independent. I think that can really wear on you after a while. Jane continues that life is hard and unpredictable and the economy sucks, so if you don't have drive and determination then you won't get hired for a job. Or something. The other Kelly is sitting there thinking "I'm pretty, so this doesn't apply to me!" while NaOnka is thinking "my realness and refusal to change for anyone will no doubt be seen as a positive character trait!" so Jane's words go through one ear and out the other.
Probst says this is a good place to end things and find out NaOnka and Kelly's decisions. He asks NaOnka if she wants to give up her 1 in 9 shot for a million dollars. Absolutely she does. Probst turns to Kelly and says her chances just got that much better -- she now has a 1 in 8 chance to win. Does she still want to quit? Yes, she does, because she's 20 and has no idea how much money a million dollars is or how important money is. She doesn't even know what it's like to truly suffer. So why wouldn't she quit? Maybe time we don't cast someone who didn't want to be on this show in the first place and clearly doesn't have what it takes to stay it in or even the motivation not to leave. "I can't believe it," Marty mutters, shaking his head.
With that, Probst asks NaOnka what he should do with her torch. She says hers should be treated the same as everyone else's and be "smuffed." Jud cracks up over NaOnka's inability to know fairly basically vocabulary words. Probst doesn't even bother with that, just saying that Alina, Marty, and Brenda's torches were smuffed because they were voted out. They didn't quit. He asks the other Kelly the same question. She also thinks it should be snuffed. Yes, even she knows that the word is "snuffed." After all that, Probst agrees to their wishes and says he'll smuff their torches but they will then be kept in a place of dishonor at Tribal Council for NaOnka and the other Kelly to look at every time they come back as part of the jury. Yeah, I'm sure that'll have an effect on them. They get to have their torches snuffed AND be part of the jury? That sucks. They don't deserve any of that.
As NaOnka gets up with her torch, the jurors editorialize. "That's disgusting," Brenda says. "I hate that, man," says Marty; "I want to play." ">:-(" says Alina. NaOnka blows kisses to her tribemates, who all obviously hate her, and gives her torch to Probst. "You wanna go? Go," he says, giving it a good smuff. And that's it. She's gone. Good riddance. The other Kelly approaches with her torch. Suspenseful music plays like she's going to change her mind. She isn't. If she had, she probably wouldn't have been edited out of the entire season. NaOnka would have been edited out too, I bet, except that she was so crazy and such an awful person that they couldn't resist the good TV. Probst is slightly nicer to the other Kelly, simply telling her to "head out" as he smuffs her. She does. Good bye, non-entity. Probst then lectures the remaining seven contestants that they only have ten days left so they need to dig deep and play this game. Like they didn't know that already? They're still here.
As they get up to leave, Marty has more to say about NaOnka and Kelly: "that's really fucked up, man. I mean, that's really twisted." "I gave her so much more credit," Brenda says. And Alina is just crying at the injustice of it all. And also probably because now she has to share the Loser's Lodge with NaOnka, which cannot be fun times. The last shot before the credits is of NaOnka and Kelly's freshly-smuffed torches in their place of shame. But they still get closing statements during the credits, because we apparently aren't going to punish people who quit. The other Kelly at least has the decency to say that she feels bad for Marty, Brenda, and Alina and it was tough to look at them during Tribal tonight. It's going to be even tougher when she gets to the Loser's Lodge and has to confront them face-to-face. Alina is going to rip her apart! Of course, NaOnka doesn't think she owes anyone an apology and has no regrets and feels very accomplished. And she's going to feel that way forever no matter what happens or what anyone says, because she clearly can't handle the pain and shame that comes with self-awareness. Good for her, I guess. Bad for everyone who has the misfortune of encountering her.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.