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The tribes finally merge, and Eliza is bummed to see that Ami didn't make it, especially since the only person she has to rely on now is Jason. Parvati and Amanda are thrilled to see each other again, although Amanda is a bit less so once Parvati tells her she signed her up for several alliances. Amanda has another shock coming to her once she sees Alexis and Ozzy getting close, and tells Cirie she wants Alexis gone. Cirie is happy to go along with voting off anyone who isn't Cirie. The new tribe enjoys a hearty merge feast of boiled bats and names the new tribe "Dabu," which Erik says is the Micronesian word for "good." This isn't true, but it doesn't really matter to anyone except Erik. At least he's doing something, I guess. As they head to the first individual immunity challenge, it's apparent that either Eliza or Jason will be going home at the tribal council. Their only hope is for one of them to win the challenge and the other to get the hidden immunity idol. Phase One is complete when Jason wins the challenge, where contestants have to stay under a grate as the tide comes in and the water level rises. Jason gives his immunity idol to Eliza, the plan being that everyone will vote for Eliza except for Eliza and Jason, who will vote for Ozzy. Then Eliza will throw down the idol and Ozzy will be voted out. Unfortunately, once Eliza sees Jason's idol, she realizes that it's totally fake and she's a goner. And that's exactly how it plays out at Tribal Council. Eliza plays the idol, Probst deems it a fake, Ozzy has a good laugh, and Eliza goes home. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Malakal return from tribal council and complain about the fire being out or something. It's all in night vision so I can't tell if they were looking at a glowing ember or radioactive waste. Cirie and Amanda dare to express regret over Ami's ouster, to which Ozzy says she dug her own grave. He tells us that he wouldn't have voted for Ami "ever" if she had been honest with him. Which is probably BS, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself. "That's a key in this game," Ozzy says. The only way honesty is a key in this game is when you aren't honest and you break promises. Then you get to the end and tell everyone you did what you had to do to win and they respect you for it and you get a million dollars. I don't know what show Ozzy's been watching all this time. "If she had just stuck with me, she'd still be in this game and Erik would be gone," he concludes. Of course, he's not a leader or anything. And I'm sure they would've voted Ami out in the round anyway, so it was in her best interests to try to make a move rather than sit around and wait to be at the bottom of the totem pole. Meanwhile, Erik asks us "how the hell am I still here today?" Heh. Tonight his hair is looking especially like my best friend's mom's. Like, back in the early nineties. Erik finishes that thought with some stupid analogy about a house that's falling apart and hopes that the merge is coming up.
Over at Airai, Eliza whispers to Jason that she hopes Erik got voted out so that Ami, Eliza, and Jason can go to the Final Three. It's adorable that Eliza thinks a three-person alliance is enough to get her through this game. She also whispers that they've "really pissed off" half of who she believes will be on the jury, and I'm not sure what she thinks she did to earn everyone's spite. I know I missed a few episodes in the beginning, but all I've seen Eliza do so far is solve puzzles and win stuff. ["She just ends up getting hated by people, doesn't she? I think it's just her thing that she does. Of course, I love her, but I'm...you know, not Parvati. Thank God." -- Joe R] Eliza tells us that her closest ally at this point is Jason, since they're both "on the outs." Also: "I think we both annoy people. Not gonna lie," she says; "that kind of unites us, too." Hey, Eliza, take heart: self-awareness is a good thing. I just hope that her tribemates have a legitimate reason for disliking Eliza this time around since on her first season some of them held some really petty BS against her that she had no control over. Except for Twila, who didn't like Eliza because she "talked too damn much." Twila was awesome. And now Jason lets Eliza in on the secret we've all been waiting for and knew was coming since the "previously on" pretty much spelled it out for us: he thinks he has the hidden immunity idol. Eliza is thrilled, and tells us that this helps her alliance. Oh, dear. I don't want to see Eliza make an ass out of herself.
Cirie greets treemail with a smirk and reads it to the group. They're ordered to get all their stuff together and row to a place on the enclosed map -- "immediately." It's merge time! "Oh. My. God," Amanda says, although I can't understand why she's at all surprised at this development. Everyone lies around staring at the map until Cirie gently reminds them that "immediately" means "right now." Everyone packs up and Erik is all smiles for obvious reasons. He makes sure to inform Ozzy that he has no intention of going against the alliance he seems to think he's in now and says he owes everything to them for keeping him in the game. "Thank you," Ozzy says solemnly. They promise to be honest with each other for the rest of the game. Erik tells us he thinks he has some kind of alliance with Ozzy, albeit one where Erik is Ozzy's bitch.
Airai also gets treemail and they are thrilled. Parvati can't wait to leave the horrible Airai camp while Alexis is so happy that she actually says two words: "merge feast!" Cheery music plays as everyone packs up, then we see Alexis exfoliating her face while talking to Natalie and Parvati about their secret alliance. Alexis thinks she and Natalie should stay away from Parvati and Amanda so no one will suspect anything. Oh my god Alexis, would you fucking shut up already? What a motormouth. Alexis then promises Parvati that she will be loyal to their alliance with such enthusiasm that her mouth blurs.
"I am in such a hot pickle right now!" Parvati tells us. "Hot pickle?" It's either "pickle" or "hot water," right? Parvati makes up phrases faster than she makes up alliances. She says she has one alliance with Amanda, James, Ozzy, and Cirie, and another one with Amanda, Alexis, and Natalie. Meanwhile, does Amanda even know about any of these alliances Parvati has signed her up for? She's going to be surprised. Parvati says she's going to have to make a decision sooner or later unless she can flip her hair a couple of times and get out of this. I hear an unfamiliar voice and wonder if someone new has joined the cast, but it's just Alexis talking to the camera. She's aware of Parvati's alliance with the "Favorites" and says she and Natalie are depending on her sticking with them to stay in the game. She knows it's risky, but "that's the game." And it's about time, twenty-something days into it, that Alexis started playing.
Airai and Malakal row their way onto a new beach, magically arriving at the same exact time! Waiting for them is a Merge Feast covered in flies. Every time you see a fly walking on your food, just think: its legs were probably just standing in dog poop. Dig in! The contestants row their boats onto the shore and Amanda and Parvati have their long-awaited reunion. Amanda can't even wait for Parvati to get off the boat before hugging her, making Parvati's legs get all caught up in the outrigger. It's kind of like how Parvati couldn't wait for Amanda to be on her team again before making alliances with people. Erik hugs his fellow "Fans," who compliment his hair. Apparently, Alexis has a sarcastic streak in her. Eliza smiles as she greets everyone, but tells us that things are not looking good for her since Ami, her closest friend and ally in the game, has been voted out. "I'm heartbroken that she's not here," Eliza says. I didn't know they were so close. They certainly weren't during the Vanuatu season. With that, everyone runs to the table to eat their fly-encrusted dinner. Because she's the only contestant left who is literate, Eliza reads a message saying what they all already know: that they have merged. They're going to spend the night at this beach getting to know each other and thinking up a new tribe name and flag. In the morning, they'll decide which beach to live on. Hmmm, I wonder which one will be chosen? I've heard such positive things about that Airai beach. Amanda complains that they had to pack everything up just to go back to the same bench, but she's so happy they're going back there that it's okay. Not okay enough for her not to complain, but still.
Hey, here's a fucking nasty dish: whole cooked bats! And they're covered in flies. Parvati tells us she had no idea why there was a bowl of bats on the table, but James dug right into them. Indeed, we see James eating a bat. He gets all the nasty black furry skin in his mouth and there's leg bones sticking out and grossssssss whyyyy? James tells us that he figured he wouldn't get the opportunity to eat bat again and "it's one of those things you have to try." Um...no, it isn't. He says it tasted like a juicy rabbit, which is also one of those things you don't have to try, by the way. It would be kind of funny if he learned that the bats were just a traditional Micronesian table decoration and not food.
Erik proposes a new tribe name of Dabu, which he says means "good" in Micronesian. Everyone quickly agrees and toasts to the new name, happy to get that over with. Then Erik secretly tells us that he made the name up and tricked everyone into thinking it was a real word. "I just wanted to name the tribe something funny," he says, also suggesting "funny" words like "momo" and "foshizzle." I wish he had used foshizzle, actually. Haw haw haw, what a jokester! Hey, Dabu -- you just got Erik'd!
Ozzy, who is not the leader at all, stands in front of the table and orders everyone to enjoy the meal and forget the game for a while. That's exactly what everyone is doing anyway, so, whatever, Ozzy. Alexis tells us that now that they've merged, the game has become "interpersonal," which I guess means she can dust off the old vocal cords and speak to people. Also, the merged tribe color appears to be hot green. Dabu has a gross name and gross colors. So far I am not pleased!
Later that night, Alexis is lying to Ozzy looking right at home. Huh. When did this happen? And they're chatting like they've known each other for years. I didn't even know Alexis knew how to speak until this episode, so this is all very new to me. Alexis says she can't believe Malakal voted Ami out over Erik. "It was basically my doing," Ozzy explains with his arm around her. Um, seriously -- did I miss something? What is this? I guess they know each other from being on Exile Island before but...come on. Weren't they there for just a day? And spending most of that time futilely looking for the immunity idol? And isn't Ozzy with Amanda? We get an answer to the last question, at least, as we cut to Amanda, who's watching the proceedings with a scowl on her face. "I'm ready to go beyond Fans vs. Favorites," Ozzy says magnanimously. Alexis tells us that she got to know Ozzy at Exile Island and was a fan of his from his original season, so this is great. Amanda stews. "You smell good," Ozzy tells Alexis. I think he's drunk on merge feast wine. But still. Amanda tells us that she and Ozzy have been together for twenty-two days now, so it definitely bothers her that Alexis thinks she can just come in and take Amanda's place. "I want her gone," Amanda says. What about Ozzy? He's the one flirting with another girl right in front of you. Alexis can only be a hutwrecker if Ozzy lets her!
The morning, the new tribe arrives at Malakal. Alexis tells us it's "heaven," and so much better than Airai. I'm getting a little sick of everyone shit-talking Airai, okay? Beaches have feelings, too. Alexis and Natalie promptly take a nap under Cirie's critical smirk while Erik and Jason put the new tribe flag up. It looks as crappy as you'd expect a flag made in one night by a bunch of starving drunk people with little to no craft skills to look. Cirie tells us she feels like strangers are coming into her house and messing with her stuff.
Meanwhile, Ozzy gains a new fan club member in Jason, who says he's been waiting "all game" to meet Ozzy and learn how to use the fishing spear. Here's a novel concept: instead of waiting for someone to show you something, why not learn how to do it on your own? Dumbass. Ozzy tells us he thinks Jason is going to try to do everything better than him to prove himself, but he knows that someone took the fake immunity idol he made and he's pretty sure that person is Jason, since he's the only one who had the opportunity who hasn't been voted out yet. This makes Ozzy very happy. In fact, he calls it "poetry in the making." Here's a little poetry for you, Ozzy, in the form of a haiku:
please can you shut up
about your homemade idol
it's not that clever
With a particularly doofy walk, Jason wanders around the Malakal woods, looking for a place to hide his stupid fake idol. He stuffs it in a hole and applauds himself on getting it in there without anyone else seeing, as Jason is under the mistaken impression that people care about where he is and what he's doing. He hopes he won't forget where the idol is, showing a remarkable degree of self-awareness at his own incredible stupidity, and walks away. I'm still not sure why people feel the need to hide their idols as opposed to just putting them in their bags. Are fellow contestants allowed to look through your bags and steal your stuff? That seems wrong.
Meanwhile, Eliza asks Parvati what happened to Ami. Parvati says she spoke to Amanda and found out that they voted Ami out because she was trying to get rid of Ozzy. Eliza is surprised, saying it seems "unlike Ami" to go behind someone's back. Well, it's unlike Sweet Ami, I'll agree. But it's totally consistent with Evil Ami. Eliza makes a transparent and sadly pathetic attempt to get a new alliance in the wake of Ami's departure by swearing loyalty to Parvati and her alliance. "We're all still sticking together, right?" she asks/begs. "I don't know," Parvati says. Uh oh. Eliza says she thought they'd vote out all the "Fans" first. "It's like a whole different game, you know?" Parvati non-answers, looking annoyingly smug. Eliza tells us she doesn't know what to do now. Jason appears to be her only ally. "This is a disaster," she says. Yes. Yes, it is. Parvati tells us it's no longer Fans vs. Favorites now, and she thinks it's "hilarious" that Eliza is always scrambling around trying to not to be on the outs. I think it's sad. But that's because I like Eliza. I guess if I didn't like her, I think this was as funny as Parvati seems to. "How can anyone be so ridiculous?" asks Parvati. Because it's not like she's going around making several alliances with several different people or anything, right?
Parvati and Amanda, Cool Girls Club president and vice-president respectively, hang out in the water and agree they missed each other soooooo much. Parvati notices Eliza staring at them and laughs. "I'm so sick of her!" she says. Parvati wants Eliza to go home right now. Man, I don't know what Eliza was like on Airai when the cameras weren't on her, but apparently she was unbearable. All I know is, when she was on the Vanuatu season, I watched her for hours and hours and the only thing I didn't like was that she talked really fast and said a lot so it would take days to transcribe one of her interviews. Parvati switches subjects to alliances and the one she signed Amanda up for with Natalie and Alexis. "I put us in an alliance without you being there!" Parvati beams like this is the funniest thing ever. Amanda is smiling but it's the kind of smile you make when you get socks for Christmas, or bats for a merge feast -- you can tell she's not at all pleased. Parvati says they're in a good position because the game is revolving around them. Even so, "we're in such a mess!" Parvati says. That had better by a royal "we," there, Parv. This isn't Amanda's mess. "Parvati pretty much screwed me over," Amanda tells us. Ha ha! She doesn't want to be in an alliance with the man-stealing whore Alexis, nor does she think she can win if it came down to her and Alexis in the Final Two. "She's a motivational speaker for crying out loud," Amanda says. Don't let that intimidate you too much, Amanda. No really -- don't. We've only just learned that Alexis was capable of speaking. It'll be another twenty-four days before she's doing any motivating, and by then the game will be long over. Not sensing that Amanda's kind of pissed, Parvati jokes that she might as well make an alliance with Erik, Jason, and Eliza just to complete the circle. Don't forget to make that alliance for Amanda, too! "I giggled about it to her, but it's not funny," Amanda tells us; "I'm livid. And it leaves me with a lot of questions about Parvati." If I didn't feel so bad for Eliza this week, I'd probably have a twinge or two for Amanda, who has to deal with a friend who makes stupid alliances on her behalf and watch her new involuntary alliance member flirt with her beach boyfriend.
It's Day 24, and Alexis and Natalie find some treemail that looks like the challenge is going to involve drowning. Fun! Jason's the one who correctly guesses what exactly the challenge will entail, but I still won't acknowledge he has a brain. For example, Jason then tells us that while he knows he's on the outs of the new tribe, he has the hidden immunity idol to use as a bargaining chip. He'd be better off with a potato chip. Jason continues that if he wins immunity today, that will mean tonight's votes will be "casted" towards Eliza. So he can give her the immunity idol and their little alliance will stay in the game. That ... won't do much good. There's just two of them. If you both have immunity this round, you'll just get voted out in the two rounds, right? But he tells Eliza he's going to give the idol to her if he wins the challenge, and she tells us she's thrilled. "I made an alliance with the right person who was sent to Exile one too many times!" she says. Who, Kathy? Didn't she quit? Oh, she means Jason. How sad. Eliza continues that Jason's plan to give away the idol actually does make some sense, since they'll vote for Ozzy and everyone else will vote for Eliza. All those votes will be discounted when she reveals the immunity idol, and Ozzy will go home. At least, that's what would happen if Jason wasn't so stupid.
Immunity Challenge time! The new team arrives and Probst asks Alexis about the new tribe name. She says it's Dabu, which Erik told everyone was Micronesian for "good." Probst has a look on his face that says "I don't know who's stupider -- you guys for believing Erik, or Erik for thinking this is an awesome fun prank." But he still manages not to look so disgusted as to give the game away. Probst has mastered the subtle smirk. Unlike Cirie. Probst takes the immunity idol away from James and unveils the new individual immunity necklace and the mandatory speech about how super-awesome-important it is to have in the game. Unsurprisingly, the immunity necklace is as butt-ugly as always, with pointy shells and little tiki sculptures around it.
Probst explains today's challenge: contestants will be stationed under a "grated steel barrier" (a.k.a. "grate") in the water. As the tide comes in and the water level rises, they'll drown. Last one breathing wins!
Probst puts on his waiting shades and the players take their places under the grate. James almost immediately has a problem, as the fish are apparently biting him. Just bite them right back, Bat-Eater. Cirie is nervous at the prospect of being in the water. Time passes. After thirty-five minutes, a bored Probst says things are going to get interesting, as the water level is getting pretty high and he's sure people will start freaking out soon. By the way, to Probst's credit, he really does stay there for the entire challenge. If it's an endurance challenge that last ten hours, he's there. Usually he brings out a lounge chair, but still. And he has to listen to the contestants ramble on about their favorite recipes and tell boring stories the whole time. Probst is so dedicated! Amanda is the first contestant to go as she manages to get out by accident when she starts "dozing" (in ear-high water??? Dumbass) and drifts beyond the boundaries of her grated steel barrier. Kind of dumb, but it's not like she needs the immunity this round anyway.
Forty-five minutes in, Probst wants to get this over with so he tries to work some psychological magic by telling the contestants that as the water creeps up, their brains will tell them to panic and bail out. Except for Amanda's brain, which will tell you it's a good idea to doze off in the middle of a competition in the water. I guess Jason has nothing to worry about, since his brain tells him nothing. Because it doesn't exist.
Parvati is second out, followed by Alexis. As soon as Cirie's smirk goes underwater, she quits, too. The remaining contestants are struggling. Despite her thin sharp nose that I would have expected to rise far above everyone else's, Natalie is to go. The water starts getting in Eliza's nose and she has to give up. Noooo! Oh, that so sucks. Erik follows her out. James, Jason, and Ozzy are left, and all three have cleverly made some kind of snorkel with their hands. That's probably the key to winning this game. Why couldn't you have thought of that, Eliza? Why???
An hour has gone by, and the water is now completely above the grate. None of the watching contestants can believe James, Jason, and Ozzy are able to breathe. They're really not, though, as we see them sputtering and gurgling. "This is, like, painful," Parvati says. Parvati, by the way, was the first person to quit the game intentionally. James goes . Ozzy is struggling and keeps ducking under water. And then Ozzy has to give up. He comes to the surface coughing and spitting water out of his mouth, looking half-drowned. Jason wins immunity and celebrates. Eliza grins because she thinks Jason's win is also hers.
Back on the beach, Jason tells Eliza how great it felt to win over Ozzy, who he's watched dominate so many challenges. He tells us that he not only won, but he also "dominated." Okay, come on. That wasn't a challenge you could really "dominate." Jason just has, like, the most protruding mouth and best hand-snorkel-making skills. And it's not like he would've stayed in that challenge for much longer than Ozzy. Jason says the look of failure on Ozzy's face was "delightful," and he's looking forward to sending him home tonight.
Natalie, Cirie, and Parvati walk together. Natalie wants to know what's going on, saying she feels "out of the loop." Parvati promises Natalie that she is in the loop and then tells us that Eliza is going home tonight and Parvati can't wait; she says Eliza's been gunning for her since Day One. Really? I was not aware of this. I'm not sure if Eliza was, either. While Eliza skulks around in the bushes, Parvati tries to rationalize her joy at booting Eliza by saying Eliza has been working against her for the whole game and only tried to work with Parvati as a last resort. "Too little, too late," Parvati says. Eliza runs off and finds Jason and tells him she's pretty sure she's going tonight, so she'll be needing his immunity idol. Oh, how I wish Jason had the real idol now. It would have been so great to see the look on everyone's faces when she produced it. Jason promises Eliza he'll get the idol to her before tribal council and that Ozzy is as good as gone. "I can't wait to send Ozzy's cocky ass home tonight," Jason says. "This might make me more hated than Fairplay," Eliza says. No, no, no, Eliza -- we hate Fairplay because of his personality and famewhoring, not his game play. By the way, at the Vanuatu finale party, Fairplay got really drunk and came onto me (and everything else that moved, so I'm not that special). He thought I was Eliza. Probst got so mad at Fairplay's behavior during that party that he banned him from all future Probst-attended events. I guess he's lifted that ban since then, though. I'm not looking forward to seeing him on the Reunion show.
Ozzy and Alexis continue to get to know each other while horizontal. Ozzy tells Alexis about surfing in Australia while Amanda and Cirie wander around nearby. "Alexis is dangerous. Very, very, very dangerous. And she needs to go," Amanda says. Cirie says that sounds good. "She needs to go now!" Amanda asserts. Heh heh heh. Amanda says she's disappointed in Ozzy. "He playing," Cirie says, shaking her head. Cirie smirks to us that she has a feeling Amanda's desire to get rid of Alexis has more to do with jealousy than strategy. It doesn't matter one way or the other to Cirie, who says she's perfectly happy to vote for Alexis as long as it keeps Cirie in the game.
Natalie and Alexis pretend to chop coconuts on the beach. Eliza walks past them, whistling a merry tune. Sigh. Eliza finds Jason, who says he got the idol out of its hiding spot and put it in her bag. He leaves and she goes to get it. She takes it out, unwraps it, and...boy, is that thing pathetic. I forgot how silly it looked. I mean, it's got a smiley face carved into it! Jason is a moron. "This isn't it," Eliza gasps. She desperately searches the cloth for the real idol, but it's not there. "This is so stupid, this is just a napkin!" she says; "Oh my god...this isn't it." Take heart, Eliza; I'm sure you'll make a great lawyer.
Eliza storms back across the beach. She is no longer whistling a merry tune. She pulls Jason aside and asks him what he's trying to pull by giving her a fake idol. I love how Eliza assumed that Jason was just playing a trick on her because it didn't occur to her that anyone could have thought that smiling stick was real. Jason insists that it's the real idol. Eliza figures everything out: Ozzy found the real idol and made a fake one for Jason to find. "It's a fucking stick!" Eliza says. She's so mad that her mouth went blurry. This is kind of awesome. Too bad it's at Eliza's expense. "I know. It has a face on it, don't worry," Jason says. Oh my god. The face on Eliza right now is priceless. She's like, "Oh my god. I am in an alliance with an idiot. That makes me half-idiot. Damn it!" She again tries to explain to Jason that Ozzy just put a face on a piece of wood. "It's not the idol!" she says. "Why do you say that?" Jason asks again. "That can't be the idol," Eliza says. "Why not?" Jason asks. "Because it's just a stick!!!" Eliza says. "I know," Jason says. Look at his eyes. There is nothing behind them. "That's a bummer," Jason says unsympathetically, probably still thinking it's the real idol and Eliza's just being silly. Eliza wonders if she should try to play it anyway. Jason thinks so. I hope Eliza plays it right up Jason's ass.
The gang arrive at tribal council, and Probst starts off by asking Alexis if she's been sizing up her competition. Alexis says she looks at strength three ways: physical, mental, and social. Probst asks Cirie which strengths Alexis has, and Cirie says "all three" while Ozzy smiles and Amanda rolls her eyes. Cirie concludes that Alexis is a "triple threat," then apologizes for calling her out like that. Oh, shush, Cirie. You aren't sorry at all. Alexis says she's not worried about Cirie because there are plenty of "triple threats" left in the tribe. Probst keeps on talking to Alexis, asking her what Eliza's skills are. Alexis answers honestly that Eliza played a strong game mentally and physically, but not so much socially. Meanwhile, she is using the past tense, which Probst totally picks up on. He asks her about that. "Pardon me?" Alexis asks. Eliza scoffs at the dicks she's on a tribe with, who can't even wait for her to be voted out before acting like she isn't even there. She helpfully explains things to Alexis: "You said it in the past tense, as if I've already been voted out." "Okay. Sorry," Alexis says, not even looking at her. "It's okay," Eliza responds. Alexis might want to go back to not speaking at all so she can stop putting her foot in her mouth.
Probst asks Eliza if she agrees with Alexis's assessment of her. Eliza says she does. Her social game "has been lacking" on one hand, but on the other, some people are being "short-sighted" and "overestimating their own social game." She's probably right, for all the good it'll do her. Probst asks Ozzy if you want to keep people in the game who are threatening socially or keep the ones who aren't and are therefore better to go against in the final two. Ozzy agrees that if you take someone no one likes to the end, you win. James says that's in the How to Win Survivor notebook that Richard Hatch probably would have written if he didn't get sent to jail. Probst tells Eliza her eyes are hard to miss when they roll. Or, like, ever. "Do you think you're liked?" he asks her. "No, not really," Eliza answers immediately. Parvati speaks up and says it's Eliza's fault, since she's been running around trying to get Parvati voted out and then saying she's loyal to Parvati and wants the "Favorites" to stick together until the end. Eliza denies this, saying she heard the plan was Favorite all the way and was simply checking with Parvati today to see if that was still going on. Parvati says she simply couldn't keep quiet anymore. "I definitely got myself into this mess," Eliza says while Parvati rolls her eyes. Why, Parvati? What are you rolling your eyes at? Self-awareness? Maybe you should try some on for yourself. And why does Amanda look stoned every time they cut to her? Eliza says that she shouldn't go home tonight because she's the perfect person to go against at the end. She warns the Favorites not to make the same mistake twice and go to the end against "the best." We see shots of everyone nodding at this sage advice. Nice try, editors.
With that, it's time to vote. Eliza votes for Ozzy and says "I hope something miraculous happens with this stick and you get voted out, not me." So do I! Parvati votes for Eliza and says she "picked the wrong girl to mess with" and she hopes Eliza "learned from [her] mistakes the second time around." You mean like don't make an alliance with someone who gets injured and has to leave the game? Or with someone who's too stupid to realize that contestants are capable of carving faces onto sticks? There's not much Eliza could've really done here.
Probst tallies the votes and asks if anyone wants to play the immunity idol. Eliza reaches into her bag and pulls out the stick as suspenseful music plays. Ozzy is cracking up. It would have been funnier if we didn't know that Eliza knew that this was fake. Alexis and Natalie don't appear to have any idea what's going on, though, so their faces of shock are pretty awesome. Too bad they won't last, as Probst takes out the idol and says it's not real. Jason doesn't look too bummed about that. Asshole. Eliza doesn't look surprised and announces that Ozzy has the real idol and put the fake one on the island. "It was worth a shot," Eliza shrugs. Probst throws the idol into the fire, and Ozzy assholishly laughs that it took him hours to make. I know you're not the one going home tonight, Ozzy, but someone else is and you could try to be a better sport about it. I hope everyone laughs his ass off when it's your turn to go, too. Probst reads the votes. Ozzy gets two and Eliza gets the rest. Probst extinguishes her torch and she waves good-bye to everyone. Weirdly, Parvati waves back. We get a shot of the fake idol smiling away in the fire pit before we go to credits.
Eliza says she did everything she could to stay in the game and "went out with a bang." She laughs at herself for getting stuck with the fake idol and says at least she got to call Ozzy out for having the real one. Bye, Eliza! At least we'll see you on the jury.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she's bored at work. Or you can try your luck emailing her at saramorrison@gmail.com with news that some Nigerian king died and she stands to gain ten percent of his fortune if she hands over her bank account info.