Cirie flames out in the fire-building challenge, leaving Aras, Terry, and Chiclets to fight it out in F3. First, Terry ekes out a reward challenge that gets him some food, and then we are delivered to our endurance challenge that turns out to be a not-that-long contest in which you balance in the water on little platforms. The only person with any talent for it is Chiclets, and Terry bombs out fairly quickly, followed by Aras, leaving her to make the call between which of them should win the money, since she has no chance of beating either of them. She correctly picks Aras -- against whom she seems to stand a slightly better chance -- but by the time the jury has its way with them, the writing is on the wall: Shane votes for her in one of those "pick a number" things, Bruce votes for her because he really likes her for some reason, and everybody else votes for Aras. Thus was the incredibly dominant, arrogant fighter pilot vanquished, while the irritating, passive-aggressive, touchy-feely guy took the prize. It's oddly anticlimactic somehow. Best line of the night goes to Shane for his jury speech, in which he classifies the two things that matter the most to himself and Aras: "My son, and your yoga." Now that is comedy, people.
Previously on This Show: Everything.
Credits. Long form! Old school! Remember Ruth Marie? Oh, the indignity of being picked up by the back of your shirt with your feet flailing like you're in a cartoon. So horrible. So funny. Good times.
You will recall that we left off midstream more than usual, so when we arrive, it is Tribal Council, Night 36. Now is the moment for Chiclets and Cirie to start their fire-building challenge. It's kind of like watching two chipmunks prepare for a wrestling contest. The jury watches anxiously, because they all like Cirie, but they'd all like to get their bloodthirsty claws into Chiclets come jury time. What would be the fun of, like, Cirie and Aras in F2? "I like you. I like you, too. I WANT AN APOLOGY. No, not really." But anyway, these are the people we have in the challenge, so there's nothing we can do about it.
Ready? Go. Cirie and Chiclets both make a little pile of coconut husks to start off with, and they both start scraping their little magnesium flint blocks. Cirie is the first to get a visible flame going. Cirie gets the flame up to a pretty good size, and she seems to have the early advantage. Chiclets gets fire, too, but they both have trouble keeping their fires going because they're just burning up the coconut husks -- there's no wood. These fires, so far, are like an affair with Ethan Zohn: short, unsatisfying, smelly, and built from inferior materials that doom the entire enterprise to an early demise.
On her second try, Chiclets smartens up and starts to build a stack of wood -- which is as intelligent as Colby Donaldson -- rather than just trying to immediately get the big flame-up from the husks as she and Cirie did the first time. Basically, what's admirable is that Chiclets figured out that she needed to be patient and not worry about Cirie getting the instant flame-up from the husks; she just has to work on getting a good fire going that would actually stay lit and build to the point where it would burn the rope. It did seem like when Steph did this challenge, her fire burned the rope a lot quicker than either of these. Chiclets fire builds nicely, and eventually, the rope catches fire, while Cirie is still trying to get any kind of a flame going. And then, just like that, Chiclets's flag pops, and she wins, meaning that Cirie -- lovely, enjoyable, initially overmatched Cirie, who was afraid of leaves and almost took the very first boot -- is going home. For some reason, this makes Austin and Sally really happy. Maybe they hate happiness. Aras, on the other hand, looks miserable, probably for a couple of reasons. Cirie and Chiclets share a hug. As Cirie says goodbye to Aras, she says, "Sorry," and he says, "You did your best." He's a dork, but he handled that okay, I think. Cirie walks over and is snuffed, which Jeff does with good-natured regret. Cirie blows kisses as she leaves, and I remark to the person watching the show with me that if I played this game -- which would never happen, because I hate drinking dirty water almost as much as I hate happiness -- I would really value walking away in a situation where people could still like me and feel like I was a decently nice person, which Cirie did a good job of achieving. I will miss you, Cirie.
Jeff tells the final three that there are two challenges left, two more tribal councils, and a vote. He leaves out "seven bitchy speeches from people who will try to draw the story of your victory as the story of their superiority as human beings." Cirie's goodbye speech tells us that she lasted far longer than she ever thought she would. She apologizes to her family for letting them down -- sniff! -- but she says she "can still hold [her] head up high." Well, exactly. One of my friends said, after Cirie had survived the first week or two, that he thought she would be around a long time, because there's just this thing about people who barely avoid elimination in the first couple of tribal councils. And it turns out to be true. (See also: Marquesas Kathy, Pulau Tiga Rudy, Guatemala Lydia, and so forth.)
The moon. Gitanos, Night 36. Chiclets and Terry work on building a fire as she voices over that she "was determined not to go home tonight at tribal council." She interviews that she's "ecstatic." Terry interviews that he's very pleased with the outcome, and reminds us that he and Chiclets have a pact that if one of them wins, they'll take the other to F2. So the way Terry sees it, there's a two-thirds chance that he and Chiclets will be in the finals together: "[Chiclets] and I are going to take it to Aras, and we're going to go to the finals." Of course, he didn't give Chiclets the hidden idol, exposing her to elimination, so I'm not sure how loyal she's going to be feeling to him.
And then, frogs are croaking, which I'm sure is a metaphor for something, but I don't know what, but I do know that it is Day 37 at Gitanos. Terry is stroking his now-useless hidden immunity idol, saying that it has "Shane hair." Har har, Shane hair. He tells us that it's "worth about twenty-five cents right now," and he never had to use it. Nor did he ever choose to use it. Nor did he ever come up with a way to use it. He does, however, take the idol over to Aras and Chiclets for what seems to be the sole purpose of gloating how he hid it from them, which they very notably don't care about. I mean...everybody knew he had it. What's there to be this pleased with himself about? I mean, the guy got a long way on brute force, and all appropriate props for that, but he really didn't do much that was tricky. Chiclets interviews that Terry just showed off the idol to get another dig in at Aras, which...yep. Agreed. Terry chops a coconut in such a way that he loses all the milk inside, making him faux-swear. At least I think that's what happens. Or else he's just admiring his own toughness. It's hard to say. Chiclets insightfully observes that the relationship between Terry and Aras is "based on rivalry." Glad she's following. Aras chops a coconut , and then there is a brilliant and hilarious shot of Terry galumphing into the water in giant swim flippers, which does a beautiful job of highlighting the stupidity of this lame-ass rivalry between these two guys -- both of whom are basically dinks, although they're dinks on the opposite sides of the relevant color wheel. Chiclets says that Terry and Aras compete in everything, including who can catch the biggest fish. We watch as Terry and Aras do, indeed, compare their fish, passive-aggressively pretending to be happy about each other's victories. Have there been fish all season? Did they just start catching them? Because I had the impression they were nowhere with fishing, and now it's like a Rupert-spiting fishapalooza. Chiclets says that "deep down inside, we all know that they don't like each other." Not very deep or very far down. Or even really on the inside. She's, like, 0-for-plenty on that comment. She adds that Aras winning the last two has made Terry want revenge, badly. I'm sure that Terry is actually far too mature for those feelings. Shame on you for underestimating him, Chiclets. You are so twenty-four-years-old.
Jeff welcomes the final three to a reward challenge rather than an immunity challenge, which comes as a mild surprise to anyone who wasn't aware that they had futzed with the episode format by starting the finale with essentially three left rather than four. At any rate, in this challenge, you will race up a climbing wall, using pegs that you have to obtain by doing a "table maze," in which you essentially slide a peg along a groove in a table until you can get it from one end to the other. Then, you'll answer a few questions that will allow you to open some more pegs, and then when you have all your pegs, you use them to climb up the wall. You stick the pegs into their individually shaped holes, and then your flag will drop and you're done. And what are you playing for? Well, you're supposed to get a leg up for the final immunity challenge in the form of a "power meal," as well as a cot with a pillow and blanket so that you get a good night's sleep the night before the F3 immunity challenge. As a final reward? After you've already given away a car? That is lame. Like, "Last time, you got a car. Now? Chicken!"
Ready? Go. They work their way along the table maze. Aras finishes first, and his first set of pegs drops. Terry finishes . Aras moves to the clues to give him the last two pegs. He finishes this before Terry does, too. Chiclets screws up and is basically knocked out. Terry and Aras are on the climbing wall, and Aras has a lead. But at one point, Aras slips down on the wall, giving up some time. So they're pretty much tied, with Aras up by about two seconds, as they get to the top. Terry is faster to get his pegs in the holes, and when he wins, he is just as demonstrative and show-offy as ever. And then, making me despise him with every fiber of my being more than I did before, Terry comes over and says to Aras, "You are the ultimate competitor!" Right. All you had to do was beat him, and now you can be gracious and stop whining. Where was this respect when Aras kicked your ass, Terry? Nowhere. That's where. And that makes you a sore, sore loser, which is not exactly the most honorable or mature attitude you could possibly adopt. Aras does not take the opportunity to bitch about his loss like Terry did when their situations were reversed. Terry keeps it up, saying to Aras, "You bring you’re A-game every time, man!" Man, SHUT UP. This is insufferable, and the fact that Aras doesn't turn around and punch him in the face is how you know that Aras does know a little about finding your center and swimming in inner peace. You know why it's cool in The Karate Kid when Billy Zabka is like, "You're okay, LaRusso!"? Because Daniel just beat him. When you're an asshole except when you're winning, it's not cool. You are officially less classy than the Cobra Kai, Terry, so I hope you're happy.
Jeff sends Terry off for his reward, but because there's no more hidden idol, nobody has to go to Exile Island this time. Aras and Chiclets head back to camp. Only after he is out of Terry's earshot does Aras give in to frustration and mutter, "I had such a lead, too. Aras, Aras, Aras." Heh. There's a shot of Terry eating, but since it's Terry, they don't show more of it, because he's boring and nobody cares and he needs to have his ass kicked by Pat Morita while wearing a skeleton costume.
Day 37. Gitanos. Aras is skinning a fish while telling the camera that although Terry probably has a better meal, he and Chiclets have fish, and he's not complaining. Aras tells Chiclets that one of the two of them needs to win tomorrow, or neither of them is going to get the money. Chiclets says that she won't give up. Aras says that he knows she won't, although he totally intends to beat her. Terry then returns from his meal with his big cot. Aras asks how it was, and Terry seems to do his best not to be too awful about the size of the reward, downplaying the food somewhat. "Congrats!" Aras says, even though it kills him. He interviews that Terry has an advantage because of the meal, but that on the other hand, now, the pressure is on Terry to win. I think that's what you'd call "the bright side." As they all go to bed, Aras promises Terry that if Terry isn't around the night, Aras will sleep on the cot in honor of him. I hope that Aras will do a Terry voice while doing so, and that he'll make shadow puppets on the side of the shelter, having one hand say to the other hand, "You're only twenty-four-years-old! Fuck your mother!" And the other one can say, "Be quiet, old man!" That would be a hell of a show. Aras tells us that Terry's dominance doesn't affect him too much, because everybody expects Terry to win the F3 challenge, so there's no pressure on anyone else.
Gitanos. Day 38. Terry goes to fetch the treemail, which tells them that a boat is coming, and they'll need to gather everyone's torches and then use them to burn down the skull on Exile Island. Oh, come on. Although, I guess that at least explains what the giant skull is for -- it's there to be burned in a dramatic ending to the March of Dead Survivors. The clue even refers to the Dead Survivors as "your fallen comrades." Dude. That is messed up. They're not "fallen." They're eating cheeseburgers.
We watch as the final three head out to Exile Island, and Terry voices over that the three of them who are left have spent the most time on Exile Island. They all start walking around and gathering torches, and we hear each "fallen comrade" get a snippet of remembrance from the F3, and then a chance to say a few words on their own behalf. Tina is only referred to by Aras as "the first one out," since none of these people even knew her. Tina tells us that she has no regrets, and that she doesn't want people to feel sorry for her. They say nothing about Melinda, but she says she learned she was tougher than she thought: "It's awful out here." Now, we will hear from and about Misty. Terry just says she was the first on Exile Island, so she apparently made quite an impression. We watch her eat a worm in slow-motion, as she tells us that she, too, learned a lot about herself. The fact that she can eat worms, for instance. She also says that she will never try to be anything other than herself! For she is Misty! Worm-eating, early-going nobody! Ruth Marie isn't discussed either, except for her own comments that she is humbled and blessed by being on TV. , Aras says that it was great to have "Bob-Dog" around. President Beefcake tells us that the show is debilitating, and as we watch him chop a fish with great energy, he tells us that he wanted to just "smack down a couple of fools and maybe take a shot at the million." Heh. I really wish he had stayed around longer.
We then move on to Very Pale Dan, whose exit Terry describes in such grave and serious terms that it is once again as if (rather than being eliminated by a vote from a game show) Dan was actually pressed back into service and fired directly into an asteroid. Dan says for himself that his biggest surprise was how much fun he had. So apparently, he was not fired into an asteroid, but voted off a reality show.
Nick. Terry, of course, has to refer to Nick as "one of the most mature, well- spoken, and well- mannered twenty-four-year-old kids I have ever met." Terry could not be more obsessed with the age of things if he studied tree rings for a living. Do you suppose he considers himself slightly less awesome than a forty-seven-year-old, but slightly more awesome than a forty-five-year-old? When was the last time you were this aware of anyone's age in this game, let alone everyone's? Nick tells us that it was a miserable time out there, but very rewarding.
Austin tells us that he found the game very tough, and playing was "an honor," as is sitting on the jury. I think he is a cheap date, honor-wise. "It was fun having Sally around camp," Aras says. This whole thing is...like yearbook signing, only more impersonal. Sally tells us that her experience was all that she imagined or hoped it would be, and she was happy to make "the final eight." Also known as "the top half." Terry calls Bruce "sensei," and Bruce tells us that he was the smallest, but he's the toughest. The hardest part for him was the part where his intestines almost exploded. Fair enough. Courtney says her life is about growth, and this is her dream, which is sad. She also says she stayed the real Courtney, which is even sadder. Perhaps she will open a spiritual fire-dancing retreat or something.
Now, Shane. "Crazy, ugly, beautiful, insane, somebody who I will always, always hold in my heart," Aras says of Shane. I have a feeling that you hold Shane in your heart forever once you've met him, because disease has a way of settling everywhere. Shane tells us that he has learned he can do anything. Except, presumably, quit smoking. He will remember the experience forever.
Cirie! Everyone loves Cirie, of course. Chiclets calls her "the mom around camp," and Cirie says that she will now not be so fearful of the unknown. Leaves -- boo! Cirie says that she's overcome many things already that she would never have thought she could do, which probably include looking at Shane's balls. The final three insert the torches into handy holes in the Exile Island skull, and then they set the whole thing on fire. It's totally a serious ritual, you guys! Quit laughing!
It burns! It burns! The sky thanks you for giving a hoot and polluting.
The final three are now taken to the location for their last challenge. When they get there, Jeff asks how it went that morning, and Aras says that they enjoyed paying their respects (again with the death metaphors), but they especially enjoyed burning the skull: "None of us ever have to spend another night there."
Now, Jeff explains what is about to happen. The immunity challenge involves balancing on floating platforms. Every fifteen minutes, you'll move to a progressively smaller platform, and when you're on the smallest one, you'll just stay there until only one person is still standing. The only times you can do anything but stand on the platform are when you move from one platform to another, at which point you will have one minute to get yourself positioned, and during that minute, it's okay if you fall in the water or crawl on your knees or whatever. As long as you're ready to start the round in one minute. Last person standing goes to F2 and picks a partner.
They all step out onto their first platforms. This one looks not to be too hard, as they all are pretty much just standing there. At the ten-minute mark, Chiclets mentions that she sees enormous fish on the bottom of the water, and she wishes she had a line to catch them with. Jeff teases her for thinking about food, and then the thing you know, it's the end of the fifteen minutes, and it's time to move to the platform. The platform doesn't look that much smaller, but it's definitely more difficult. Aras has a wobble, but he recovers. When it's time to move to the platform, Jeff promises that this will be the first hard one. Aras falls off as he moves on to it, but then he clambers on and gets up. Terry, not so much. Terry's in the water, then he's up, then he's in the water again. Once you're wet, of course, this is much more difficult, because you weigh more and it's hard to balance with heavy clothes leaning all over the place. It goes down to the last second, but Terry gets himself up just in time to start the round. It doesn't last, though, and quickly, Terry is in the water. He is out. Ha! That was such a relief. As Aras and Chiclets stand there, Aras looks over at her, and she nods. It's potentially ambiguous, but it seems that later, they'll both agree they for this to be an indication that they were cutting a deal: Aras would quit and she would take him to F2. Of course, those "deals" are kind of silly; Aras clearly only wants a deal because he knows she can beat him, so he's not really giving up all that much. Nevertheless, he bails off the platform, and Chiclets is the winner. Boy, who called that? Nobody, that's who. She gets the immunity necklace for the first and last time. She will now have to sit and figure out whom to take to the final two. And Aras and Terry, giant blowhards that they are, ultimately have no control over their respective fates. Which is brilliant, sort of.
Later, we find Chiclets strolling around camp thinking about what she's going to do. We also get some awesome animal shots, though, including a defenseless crab getting taken by a bird. I did understand what that one was a metaphor for. Chiclets tells us that "God never makes it easy," and she is...apparently speaking of the difficulty of winning this immunity challenge. Not exactly the stuff of a spiritual or the singing of the blues, unless you are Katharine McPhee and believe that singing the blues involves grinning like a simpleton. She says that it was great to win, but the choice is difficult, because her "brain started thinking right away." Tee hee. She says her choice could make the difference between her winning and losing a million dollars, which...probably not, in my opinion. I don't think she has a chance in hell of beating either one of them. However, it seems like it's a completely done deal against Terry (Sally, Austin, and a then-bitter Aras and Cirie would be lost to her), while against Aras, a few more votes seem up in the air, since they betrayed a lot of the same people in a lot of the same ways at a lot of the same times. I don't even think it's a close call -- I think she has to take Aras.
Aras chops a coconut. Chiclets tells us that she promised Terry F2 when they were on Exile Island, but then she gave the nod to Aras during the challenge, so she's going to do something one of them won't like. She says she's simply going to take the person that she thinks she can beat, which of course is exactly right. She and Terry go to get water, and he decides to ask her what she's going to do: "Do we still have our Exile Island pact?" Chiclets does the exact right thing, surprisingly enough, when she says to him, "Do you feel that it's fair for me to take someone that I think can beat me?" In other words, does he really think that there's such a thing as being honor-bound to do something you know will cause you to lose the game, when the only promises you ever made were part of playing the game to begin with? She's totally right, and she actually put it pretty well, and even Terry can't really argue. Terry tells Chiclets that if he'd won today, he'd have taken her. Well, of course he would! Because he'd beat her! That is no kind of good answer. They're agreeing, basically, that he would beat her in a vote, and he thinks because that wouldn't keep him from taking her (duh), it shouldn't keep her from taking him. Does not follow, there, pilot guy.
Chiclets tells Terry that she didn't intend to be in this position, and she tells him that if he had given her the idol to protect her at F4, she'd feel obligated to take him. Which is a good point. He made the choice to expose her at F4 rather than put any risk on himself -- which is exactly correct, but it's the opposite of what he's now asking her to do. She tells him that she hasn't decided yet, and she thinks that in her shoes, Terry would want to take the person he would beat, as well. Terry interviews that Chiclets is "very confused," and he still hopes that she'll take him. Terry makes an argument to her on his own behalf -- probably the best one he has -- by saying that he thinks that the loyalty of Casaya would cause her former tribemates to vote for her rather than him. She immediately points out, however, that they'd see it as betrayal not to take Aras, which would do away with any lingering tribe loyalty they might be feeling. Chiclets says that she hopes Terry will respect whatever she does. He promises her that he won't "throw daggers at [her] with [his] eyes from the jury." In other words, Terry tells Chiclets that he's going to understand -- which, of course, he is only saying because he thinks that she's going to do what he wants her to do. Oh, and Chiclets tells him that she's indecisive on account of being a Gemini. I am so sure.
Back at camp, Terry and Chiclets return, and Aras says that their return made him feel very paranoid. Aras tells her that he would feel "so burned" if she didn't take him after he bailed on the challenge. As I said earlier, he wouldn't have done that if he weren't going to fall off anyway, you know? She tells him that she's going over all of it in her head. Aras lays out for her the scenario explained above, specifying the Aras-Cirie votes against her if she takes Terry. Aras also tells Chiclets that he thought they were "golden" after they made an agreement, and reminds her that she gave her word. Chiclets interviews that the pitch she got from Aras was "mind-boggling," and she talks indignantly that he's "threatening" her. With what? With not voting for her? Does he really have to say, "Even though you made a deal that you'd take me, if you don't take me, not only will I understand and not berate you for treating me like shit, but I'll still vote for you"? That's not threatening or strong-arming or any such thing; that's telling somebody how it is in an effort to win, and it has nothing to do with integrity. You can't actually tell people they can't choose not to vote for you because you voted them out. Chiclets tells us that she thinks it's "messed up" how he's saying he won't vote for her if she knocks him out after they had a deal. Is she high? I understand wanting people to get that it's a game, and that you have to play for yourself, but they have a right to choose not to vote for you, you know? It's not "messed up" for them to use their vote strategically.
Chiclets and Terry talk again, and Terry plays good guy by telling her that there's no pressure on her, that he understands, that she should take him if she thinks that's better, and that she should take Aras if she thinks that's better. He does not mean this, as you will learn later.
Tribal council. The final three are seated, and the jury comes in. Jeff says that he wants to talk about the F3 challenge, and about Chiclets beating "the two big dogs." He asks Chiclets how it feels, and she says it was "an honor" to win that challenge, but she also says that it's an extremely difficult decision. I think some of the difficulty is coming from the fact that however she runs the math, she still loses, and she wants there to be a way she can win, but there probably isn't one. I mean, if she takes Terry, she has zero chance. Sally, Austin, Cirie, Aras -- and remember, Courtney and Shane hate her, too. She probably loses that vote 6-1 if she can get Bruce's vote; 7-0 if she can't. Against Aras, she's still not getting Shane or Courtney, and Terry wouldn't vote for her after she betrayed him, and Austin and Sally will do what Terry tells them to do, and Cirie would vote for Aras in a heartbeat, because she loves him. So there's good cause to believe she can't get more than one vote against either of these guys. No wonder it feels uncomfortable. She hopes that both Aras and Terry won't hate her.
Jeff asks Terry about playing as competitively as possible, and he asks whether he can respect Chiclets's position. Instead of answering that question, Terry, for some reason, wanders back into a master's thesis on his own awesomeness and the way that he had the hidden idol and everything -- I guess he just wanted to get that in there, and Jeff does him the favor of stepping in to confirm that Terry had it, which Terry is only too happy to underscore. Terry says that he can separate himself from the game, and this is "number-crunching," and Chiclets has to decide what to do. You will later learn, of course, that he doesn't mean this.
Jeff asks Aras what he said to Chiclets about her decision this afternoon. Aras tells Jeff how he thought he and Chiclets were good, and he's told her that he thinks they have the best shot against each other. Jeff asks Chiclets whether it gets more complicated for her as time goes on, and she says yes, and that she feels like crying. She can't stop thinking! Thinking, thinking, thinking! So now, it is time for Chiclets to cast her vote. She walks to the voting stand. She scratches her head. Still thinking! She votes. Jeff will now "go get the vote." Jeff opens it. Chiclets has voted out...Terry. Which she has spelled "Terri." He hugs her and he hugs Aras, and the longest-lasting contestant to do not one single strategic thing correctly throughout the entire game is gone. So at long last, Terry is snuffed. Thank freaking God. Jeff congratulates the very obnoxious F2, and he sends them back to camp for their last night. Terry's goodbye speech says that his mistake was "not keeping the game in [his] own hands" and "relying on somebody else." In other words, losing was his mistake. Dammit, why didn't he decide to win instead? Dammit! He says that his performance was "not bad for a forty-six-year-old guy." And then he assures us that he's "not a perfect guy," just in case that's what we were thinking. Because he can certainly understand how that's what we might be thinking.
Back at camp on Night 38, Aras notes that the two youngest people are in F2. "Youngest, but smartest," Chiclets says terrifyingly. Aras, for his part, can positively smell the money, and he tells Chiclets how excited he is. She asks him whether he thinks the jury was shocked about her booting Terry, and Aras tells her that he doesn't think so. And then Aras says that he played with integrity, which I hate. (Not integrity; the comment.) Aras tells her that they can just chill out, and Chiclets voices over that she brought him because he's part of the former tribe, and she thought it "would have been a slap in everybody's face." She says that Aras was her "gut choice." I hope not, because it's actually also the intelligent choice, and I hope that's why she did it. Chiclets tells us that she's "still not satisfied," and she hopes that as a salesperson, she can persuade the jury to give her the money. Probably!
Gitanos. Day 39. Aras and Chiclets head into the woods, and they find an elaborate set of breakfast fixings. There's milk, orange juice, champagne, pancake mix, eggs, and so forth. Everything you need for the breakfast that will make you drunk and logy during the final jury discussion. The two of them go back to camp and make eggs and pancakes. They have mimosas and decide to go for a walk out on...the rocks. Dun-dun-dun! As they walk, we see Aras slip on a rock, champagne glass breaking in his hand as he goes down. When he hops back up in great pain, he's clutching his back. He pulls out a piece of glass, then collapses on his stomach on a stretch of sand, talking about how much it hurts. Chiclets comments that it might require stitches. "I sliced it," he says. She looks at a nasty cut on his back, and he has a bad one on his hand, as well. He tells us that he's been out on the rocks a hundred times, and for some reason, this time, he just went down. I don't suppose it could be the champagne. Too obvious? The two of them try to get up, but Aras isn't walking very well. Chiclets takes his arm as they go back to camp. She says that as they were walking, Aras was saying that he felt faint. Chiclets applies pressure to his back and hand with a towel as they wait for the medical staff. When the doctors show up, they take a look at the cuts. Aras explains to the doctors about the piece of glass that he pulled out himself, and he tells them that he doesn't want any painkillers that are going to make him incoherent at tribal council. "Drug him up," Chiclets teases, and Aras laughs. The doctors say that they're going to have to stitch his back and his hand. Chiclets fans herself and winces as they do the stitches. She says that she tried to watch, but it looked too painful. That would totally be me, because I don't want to watch people get shots. She says that he had three stitches in his finger, four stitches in the palm of his hand (I bet that sucks, convenience-wise), and a stitch in his back. "He got stitched up pretty nice," Chiclets says.
Aras gives an interview and says that he made it thirty-nine days, but he got his ass kicked a lot of the time -- by everything from the elements to Terry: "I feel like my ego has been crushed." He tells Chiclets how dumb he feels for falling down.
When we return from commercials, Aras is still telling Chiclets what a doofus he feels like for falling down on the last day: "I kind of came in as a buffoon and I'm going out as a buffoon. And in between I did some pretty cool things." And then he makes this big metaphorical speech about falling down and getting back up, and it becomes dumb, and this is why people on this show are not then released into the wild to make inspirational speeches to teenagers. It's because they would say things like that. Aras tells us that this experience reassured him that he didn't have to be a "superman." Wow, I would think the uninterrupted string of losses might have taken care of that. Chiclets interviews that she has learned from this experience, and that she's strong and independent, and that she's very proud of herself. She hopes people will "dig deep" and "pick the right person." Who is, of course, Chiclets herself. Aras and Chiclets pack up and leave camp, and they do not burn it down. I want fire! Fire! Well, more artifacts to auction off, I suppose.
Tribal council. Time for the bitchy jury! Austin, Sally, Bruce, Courtney, Shane, Cirie, and Terry enter. Jeff welcomes everyone. He starts by giving Aras an opportunity to explain about the bandage on his hand. Aras tells the story of the way he fell and hurt himself, although he makes it sound sexier than it was. Jeff says that the good news is that Aras and Chiclets don't have to go back to camp anymore, and tells them that the power is now with the jury. They will first get to make an opening statement, and then the jury will get to address them. And after that, a final closing comment.
Aras makes his opening statement first. He talks proudly that he tried to develop individual relationships with each of them, not because he wanted to win, but because he really cares. And then he tells them that he tried to play with "honesty and integrity," and he thinks that he did -- which leads Shane and Courtney to grin with as much amusement as if they'd just seen him, say, fall down and slash his hand open on a piece of broken glass. He tells them that whichever way they choose to vote, the experience has been great.
Chiclets goes . She says she went in thinking that she wanted to be herself and do her best. "Build relationships," et cetera. She also does something very smart by telling them that ideally, you'd like to play with honesty and integrity, but it's kind of not possible: "At some point in the game, you're going to have to deceive somebody." Chiclets adds that the decision will be difficult, and she hopes that they make the right one. I think that's probably the way to go -- you know Aras is going to go the "honesty and integrity" route, meaning that her best shot may well be the "at least I tell the truth" route.
Jeff gives the jury a minute to think about their questions. Well, "questions."
When we return from commercials, it's time for the jury to start. Sally is first. She has her Princess Leia hair going, and she starts by congratulating them on how they did. Her question is this: of the original six Casaya members, which one contributed the most to the fact that you're there? Eh. I don't see why she would ask that. It's a variation on questions that are just there to make people uncomfortable and force them to say things that will piss someone off. I don't see how the answer to this would help Sally make her decision; it's like it's just there to make the F2 uncomfortable. Chiclets cites Cirie, saying that they had a "connection," and that when she would return from Exile Island, Cirie always filled her in on what was going on. Aras also says Cirie, which he claims is ironic, which it isn't. He says that Cirie was just a good friend, but they also helped each other strategically.
Bruce is . He congratulates them for battling "like real samurai warriors." I keep wanting to be offended on Bruce's behalf, because they keep suggesting this collection of Asian stereotypes, but then he does...that, and I don't know what to do. He asks them, beyond the million dollars, what they will do with the "responsibility" of being the winner. What a dumb question, dude. The money is the only thing you get from being a winner. Nobody's going to make you the goodwill ambassador to Namibia. You're not going to straighten out Darfur. The first person ever to win this show is going to jail as a result of winning this show. It's just not something that makes you a role model. Aras basically says approximately this same thing, or sounds like he's going to, but then he winds up implying instead that his way of inspiring others will be improving himself. I'm not sure whether he genuinely means self-improvement, or whether he just wants to be able to play poker in Vegas with James Woods and do it with a clear conscience. As for Chiclets, she says that she wants to give speeches to kids. Yes, that's right. Inspirational speeches to children because she was on Survivor. This is a pandering answer of the highest order, and to his credit, Shane not only looks dubious, but makes a face as if he's terrified at the thought that children would take advice from Chiclets. She says she just wants to encourage others to follow her message of perseverance. And, of course, her message of cosmetic surgery.
Terry gets up and first declares that Chiclets is completely wrong that you have to deceive anyone -- he never did, after all. Two things: (1) She didn't mean you have to -- she meant you have to if you expect to win, which you didn't, so shut it, because you don't prove her point; and (2) You would have had to deceive people if you didn't have a string of challenge victories that she didn't have. I fucking hate it when people who had the luxury of not being put in the position of lying because they were favored by things like being sent to Exile Island (which he had no control over) and finding the hidden idol (which, by the time he got it, was about as difficult as finding Waldo) stand there and lecture that they are awesome. It's good to know that he hasn't become any less insufferable since he was booted, at any rate. Oh, and he's also full of shit in the first place, because Ruth Marie made it clear that she felt she'd been misled by all of the guys in his little group, although conveniently, she's not here to point it out. And then Terry uncorks this winner: "Somewhere down the line, [Chiclets], I hope that family and friends, and the ringing in your ears doesn't say, 'You should have taken the Navy guy.'" And then he smiles with the most smug, assy expression I have seen on this show in quite some time. Throwing in your Navy experience at this particular juncture is such bullshit, like her family and friends are going to think she should have taken him because he's in the goddamn Navy. I wish he would get it through his skull that not everyone shares his absolute conviction that he is more deserving than everyone else. Oh, and: So much for the promise that he wouldn't "throw daggers" when he was on the jury, as well as the assurances that he thought she should do what she thought was best for herself. Bullshit, self-serving hypocrisy, like 90% of what comes out of his mouth.
Terry says that the "outplay" portion revolves around competitions (he would think so, obviously, since he knew less about strategy than a big, dumb dog trying to catch its own tail), and he asks them to rate themselves in competitions. I would like to take this opportunity to add to the previously established rule that the two most obnoxious questions are, "My question is I WANT AN APOLOGY" and "My question is YOU SUCK." The third in this particular set is "My question is I SHOULD HAVE WON." Because what Terry wants here is for them to admit that he certainly did beat them in all the challenges, didn't he? DIDN'T HE? Well, except for three out of the last four in which he competed, including the last two immunity challenges. But still. Still! Aras rates himself a nine out of ten, on the basis that even though he may have lost a lot, he tried his best at all times and gave 100%. He also points out that everyone tried hard in the challenges, Terry. Chiclets gives herself an eight to nine, and says her one regret is that she took the cheeseburger instead of competing in the one immunity challenge. That's a pretty good answer, and she certainly downgraded herself for the right reason. She says, though, that in every other challenge, she gave her all. Terry didn't actually care what they answered, only that he made the point again that he beat them in a lot of challenges, so he sits down.
Austin opens by congratulating them, and -- sweetheart that he is -- takes a second to offer sympathy to Aras over his hand. Austin says that he wants them each to describe one incident where they made a good move, and then one incident where they did something that wasn't "on the up-and-up." Of course, that could be the same move, but I think they understand what he really wants, which is one thing they're proud of and one thing they're not proud of. It's a question that's actually a question, so thank you for that, Austin. Chiclets says that her good move was persuading people not to vote Bruce off, but to vote President Beefcake off instead. That's a good move: sucking up to a juror at the expense of a player not on the jury. Well played, Chiclets. The thing that she's not so happy with was voting Courtney off because she and Courtney were so close. They bonded! It was hard! Aras says that his best move was telling Melinda she was going home. This is known by many others as "The Single Assiest Thing Aras Ever Did," but it doesn't surprise me that he doesn't know it. He did that to look noble, and he won't know until he sees it and gets some perspective that it just looked arrogant and mean. His non-proud move? Voting off Shane and winding up telling Shane some "things that weren't true." Not that this means he didn't play with honesty and integrity, and not that he doesn't immediately say once again that he totally did.
And now, Courtney. Because she's sitting in the second row, she puts one hand on Shane and Bruce's shoulders as she dramatically climbs down. She stands in front of Aras and Chiclets and says: "I forgot my guns. They've been dropped in the sea of forgiveness." Oh, no, that's really what she says. And I suspect she's not high, which is frightening. If she were, you'd just be like, "Oh, well. You know." She says instead that she wanted to be a "shining being," and then she says how they stabbed her in the back so mercilessly and everything. The stabbing and knife talk goes on a bit too long, to be sure. Particularly, Courtney is unhappy about Chiclets, whom she swears she was never going to vote off. But, says Courtney, she has no more chips on her shoulder, because the universe doesn't like it. And chips on your shoulder "weigh you down." "And I'm a bird, so...I gotta fly." She is not a bird herself so much as she is out of her bird, I believe. Cirie looks at her, thinking, "Medication is called for." Courtney tells us that she really learned about herself, and she wants them to tell her what they learned about themselves that they will "walk with every single day." Aras tells Courtney that he doesn't think he stabbed her in the back, given that they voted for each other at the time she was booted. And: SERIOUSLY. Courtney, who has no response to this, says, "Well, you did lie, but, okay." Way to evade the question, girl. Anyway, Aras says that what he learned was just the experience of having his ego smashed. "That is going to strengthen your spiritual way," Courtney says, explaining that her ego was also dashed. And...look how well it's working out for her. Yeah. Anyway, Chiclets says that for her part, she learned how strong she can be. Courtney professes to be pleased by this, and lectures Chiclets on how useful it will be, but Chiclets unfortunately failed to realize that "I learned I'm awesome" is not what the person who asks you that question is looking for. Ideally, the person is looking for either "I learned that I'm not as good as you," or "I learned that I shouldn't have voted you off." But Courtney says that for Chiclets, the experience of being strong was "a beautiful gift," and she throws in the insults how Chiclets has been cared for by her father and boyfriend up to this point. Unnecessary. "Thank you for pointing that out for me," Chiclets says with irritation that she tries to disguise as good-natured teasing. Courtney thinks they're "all going to walk on a higher road," and then she finally sits down. "Higher," maybe, but not in that sense of a road.
Cirie gets up, grins, and declares that it's "hard to follow Courtney." Heh. Cirie's question is that she wants both of them to explain why the other person would deserve to win. Chiclets says that Aras is great and awesome and strong and wonderful; she holds nothing back. Aras talks about how great Chiclets was taking care of his hand, and that rather than worrying about what she was going to say, she helped him. They both did pretty well with that question, quite honestly. Cirie is so free of drama. Lovely person.
And now, Shane. He is wearing what looks like a woman's peasant blouse, which is very distracting, because I keep expecting him to try to sell me a copy of I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. He tells the final two that he's disappointed that it's them, because Terry deserved to win. Oh, whatever. You would have voted Terry off in a second to get the victory for yourself, you dick. If Terry deserves to win due to his victories in challenges, then tell him he shouldn't lose the last two. Shane says that he will be telling them both why they're undeserving, and he begins by telling Chiclets that she's "useless at camp." He also tells her that he was with her for thirty-three days and doesn't know anything about her. Which...whose fault is that, you know? Shane tells her that she "can't complete a coherent sentence," and declares it "a drag."
Shane then turns to Aras: "We had an agreement on what was most important to both of us -- my son and your yoga." If you didn't see him say it, you will never know how hilarious it was when Shane's voice went suddenly mocking right around the word "yoga" -- which gets finger-quotes -- but believe me, it was hilarious. It was worth watching Shane all season just for that. At any rate, Shane tells Aras, I believe, that his yoga is "laughable and contradictory," because he dishonored it or something. It's very confusing, but Shane's question is YOU SUCK. Shane stresses that they had this agreement, and when it was time to decide, Shane wrote Chiclets's name, and Aras wrote Shane's. Not that Shane didn't tell Terry and Trish and Boston that Aras was to be gotten rid of as soon as Chiclets was gone. Do these people remember that they were videotaped? Shane tells Aras, "You wrecked me, personally." Oh, and then it's about how "young" Aras is, and it seems like he's going to be complimentary, as Shane tells Aras he knows that he's "a good kid" who's "striving to do the right thing," but then Shane says that intentions are nothing. "If I'm judged on my intentions, I'd be president of the planet," Shane declares. I cannot think what kind of an election would motivate that result. Shane says that instead, he's judged by his actions. For some reason, Shane now says to Aras, "You are broke, you are homeless, and you freeload off your dad." So apparently when Shane says "judged by your actions," he means "judged by your financial situation." Which is the same thing, I guess. Shane insists that his reason for pointing this out is, "You don't know what it's like to be judged." Liar. You just said it to embarrass him, which is only one of many reasons why you are ridiculous. Shane tells them that he'd like to abstain from voting entirely, but he can't, so they have to pick a number between one and one million. Aras looks right at Shane and says, "four." Which is pretty much a "fuck off" answer. Chiclets, not as dumb as she looks, picks "ten."
Jeff says that the final two will now have one final shot at making their case. After a commercial, the time for that has come. Chiclets says that she just wanted to come in and be strong and be herself and form good alliances. She say that she played with honesty and integrity (except when she didn't). She tries to tell Shane that she "grew a lot, skill-wise," and he shakes his head, but she moves on. Chiclets says that she thinks she found the right people to align with. She just tells the jury that she wants their votes and the money would really help her. "There you have it," she says. Aras says that he played his best, worked hard in all the challenges, and formed relationships with everyone. He tells Shane that he believed that Shane was out to get him, and promises that their hugs by the fire were all real. Hee hee. He also tells Shane that if he wants to focus on Aras being a homeless freeloader, all he has to do is help him fix that by giving him the money. But he thinks that everyone played their best in the end, so they should vote for whoever they think played better.
Jeff reminds them to vote for the person they want to win, not the person they want to see voted off. Austin votes. Cirie votes. Bruce votes for Chiclets, calling it "a great pleasure to share this experience" with her. He thinks that she will "touch a lot of people's lives." Sally votes, starting with a smiley face. Courtney votes. When she returns to her seat, Shane leans dramatically to avoid her. Terry votes for Aras, saying he was "head and shoulders the winner." Shane votes.
Jeff goes off to get the urn. When he returns, he explains, of course, that they will have to wait until we return to the U.S. They have dispensed with the Jeff-rides-a-jet-ski, Jeff-cuts-through-the-brush business, so we just move to Jeff in the studio, entering with the urn. All the illusions are dead, man. Dead! And the finale is in New York City instead of L.A. I guess that's a good thing, at least. Jeff strolls up the aisle and takes the stage. Aras's head has gained ten pounds. Jeff: "Let's get to it!" Boy, this is suspenseful -- not.
First vote: Aras. (That's Terry's vote.) Second vote: Chiclets. (That's Bruce's vote.) And then Shane's vote with the number on it, which is for Chiclets. And then Aras again, with Sally's smiley faces. And then Aras again. And then...Aras again, and he's the big winner. He and Chiclets hug. Cirie hugs him , then Aras heads out into the audience to hug his family. I'm not sure why his family look so happy -- it's not like they're his wife or something. We read "Aras's friends" holding up signs at a party somewhere.
Come back for the Reunion Show to see Aras's giant head, Terry's giant ego, and one good thing that happens to Cirie that isn't nearly as bad as Rupert's Million.