Previously on Gregg Ggets Ggoing: When Gregg took Jenn and Katie away for a luxury reward, Ian, Caryn, and Tom took the opportunity to compare notes, and realized that Katie wasn't loyal to anyone, and was probably on her way to a new alliance. They decided to force the issue by voting for Gregg, presumably leading to a 3-3 tie. They gave Katie a chance to save herself by switching her vote, and she did, leaving Gregg on the long walk home, much to his surprise. It was a week of surprisingly good sportsmanship and hard play -- can it last? Depressingly enough, you probably know the answer to that.
Koror, Night 33. The final five return to camp in night vision. Anonymous Jenn oils her jaw, opens her mouth, and says that she "had no idea" that Gregg was going to be voted out. Striving for something better than "I miss my cuddly munchkin," she says, "He's definitely been a big part of my existence out here and keeping me comforted, especially at night." And then she's all crying and such, because she's afraid to sleep by herself. Which: gross. Furthermore, it turns out that she is not one of those girls who's a pretty crier. Not that I am, either. Tom tells Jenn that he hopes she realizes it wasn't a personal thing against Gregg, and she says she knows. Ian interviews that A-Jenn is a "smooth operator," which seems like perhaps more credit than she deserves, given that I think "bland" and "smooth" are easily confused. Ian adds that while she's covering it well, he knows A-Jenn totally freaked about Gregg leaving. Who will kill spiders for her now? The way Ian breaks things down, Caryn has "some loyalty" to Tom, while Katie has "some loyalty" to Ian, so the remaining concern is only the possibility of the three women turning in him and Tom. "If we can avoid that in the twenty-four hours," Ian says, "we're money." It's only twenty-four hours, right? What could go wrong? I mean, he'd almost have to do something pointlessly self-destructive to make that happen, right?
The day, birds flap about at Koror. Tom and Caryn have a little chat in which he tells her that he wants her to stick around as long as possible -- maybe even to the final two. Caryn asks how Tom sees that happening, and Tom says that Katie is the one who "wavered" in the three-person alliance she had with him and Ian, so he's thinking maybe it should be Caryn with him and Ian to F3 instead of Katie. Caryn wants to know if Ian will go along with that, and Tom says he doesn't know why Ian wouldn't.
And now, we check in on Why Ian Wouldn't. Specifically, Katie is in the shelter, lying in the hammock and whispering to Ian and A-Jenn that they need to get rid of Caryn. A-Jenn wants to know, though, whether Ian and Katie are prepared to get rid of Tom if Tom doesn't win immunity. Ian says he isn't sure yet. A-Jenn is shocked, because she thinks it would be obvious that Ian would want to remove his "biggest competition." He gets it, but still isn't sure. He hates to break his word, he explains. ["I don't know why he let pass the opportunity to say, 'I hate to break my word, Katie.'" -- Wing Chun] And besides, Ian would rather be rid of Caryn. And...wouldn't we all.
Speaking of whom, Caryn is now getting a talk from Tom about the fact that she'll be better off with him and Ian, even though he's sure Katie will come to Caryn about the three women getting together. Caryn knows that this is likely as well.
Elsewhere, A-Jenn is trying to convince Ian that he has a better chance against Jenn and Katie than he does against Tom. She tries to convince him not to get "attached to people" at the expense of his chance at the money. He noncommittally pretends to agree with her, sort of, in a way I would like to think indicates trickery, but I actually think indicates, based on the rest of the episode, the beginnings of a fugue state.
At the same time, Tom is telling Caryn that she shouldn't go with the women, because it's "not a good deal." He tells her that if she went with that deal, she'd go out third anyway. Caryn interviews that Tom just explained that he wants to get rid of Katie and A-Jenn and go to F3 with her and Ian. She says she's not sure whether to believe this, of course, but she calls herself "guardedly optimistic." "Guardedly optimistic"? How very mealy-mouthed. Thus concludes Caryn's press release from the public relations firm of Caryn, Caryn & Caryn. ("We'll Tarnish Your Image In Thirty-Nine Days, Or It's Free!")
Tom and Ian go and get treemail, and this time, it's a message implying something about a creek and a paddle and being far from home. I'm so tired of interpreting treemail. I would run myself through the heart with a broken piece of the immunity necklace, except that I fear that I would wind up with some kind of clumsily cryptic rhyming eulogy. Tom and Ian have a quick meeting in which Tom says that they need to talk about what they'll do if they win the reward challenge. Tom interviews that if they get to take one person to something or other, they can't choose each other. They have to remove one of the women so that the women don't sit around and plot. Ian thinks they should take Katie on the reward, but Tom thinks Caryn. Ian says plainly in an interview that he and Tom are now basically arguing over which of the women to take to F3, because Tom thinks Caryn would bring him if she weirdly won immunity, and Ian thinks Katie would take him. It's interesting to see him acknowledge that his and Tom's interests have diverged, at least to some point. Tom interviews that getting to F4 is going to be tougher than he thought. But it's good to know that he and Ian have a plan. And you know what? You always stick to the plan. It's good advice. Let's see if Ian takes it, shall we?
We proceed to a challenge beach, where Jeff shows them the reward first. And it's a red Corvette convertible. Of course, everyone says a lot of "ooh" and "aah," rather than immediately holding up their hands and making the sign of the cross to keep the car from coming near them. Because...the car! Don't win the car! Never win the car! It's like wearing a Hawaiian taboo idol around your neck. Win the car? Get eaten by Vincent Price, is what I'm saying. They all agree that the car is "worth playing for." Dummies! Jeff tells the group that, now, it's time to explain the challenge. Out in the water, there are five stations, each with five bags hanging from it. Each person will take a traditional flat raft and paddle it out with a pole to each station in turn, bringing the bags back one at a time to the person's box on the shore. When all the bags are back, you open the bags and find mileage markers that need to be arranged on a sign to show how far away five world cities are. First person to get the cities all marked correctly on the sign will win. (The cities? London, Manila, Sydney, Tokyo, and New York.) In addition to the car, the winner will get to go off to a Palau mansion for a barbecue feast and an overnight. Should have given away trips to all those cities to the person who came along as the guest. Right? I could write this stuff. Call me, challenge producers!
Ready? Go! Tom and Ian are out first, and...do I really need to tell you they never look back? A-Jenn stays in it a little bit for a while, but it's really not close, and it emerges fairly quickly as a race between Ian and Tom. Ian gets slightly ahead, and then much more ahead after Tom risks tossing one of his bags into the box from a little too far away and misses, forcing him to go back for it. Ian gets to the mileage-marker phase, and he puts the markers up, and he's done. Ding! Ian goes and kisses the car. What a weirdo. Maybe he thinks kissing the car will break the curse. Unlikely!
Now, Jeff calls Ian over and puts him in the car, and of course, there is the little matter of the fact that he can take someone with him. Whom will he take? He will take Katie, right? He promised her, plus that way, the women won't sit around and plot. He'll take Katie! It's obvious! Well...no. Actually, he claims that while he promised Katie to take her in general, he made a special deal with Tom that Tom could go if there was a car. What? Tom car handshake what? Tom actually doesn't look happy about this himself, and part of me thinks he should have immediately said, "Ian, if you had a deal with Katie, you take Katie." It could have backfired, and the women would have known what he was up to, but Katie still would have gone, and they might have avoided a lot of misery. But at any rate, Ian does not take Katie on the reward, and she looks thoroughly miserable. Seeming mightily concerned about what exactly he's getting into here, Tom hops into the car with Ian.
Four possibilities that I see: (1) Ian is just plain stupid, and did indeed at one point say that Tom should go if there was a car, so that's what he's doing. (2) Ian and Tom decided to risk it because they thought Tom would also get a car. (3) Ian decided he couldn't take Katie, because it would out his closeness to her, while everybody already knows about his closeness to Tom. (4) Ian wanted the women to get together and vote out Tom. I know (4) is controversial and seems unlikely, but if he knew himself to be in line behind Tom and knew he could get to F4 with Jenn, Katie, and Caryn? Is it possible? I think it's...within the realm of possibility. It's just so bizarre after specifically having that conversation with Tom...you know? And Tom didn't even look like he had any idea Ian might do that. It's very strange. Something is off, whether it's that or something else.
At any rate, Jeff sends the women back to camp, and Ian and Tom take off in the Corvette, which will now smell like dirty feet forever. It's like having your car submerged in a fish tank -- you can do whatever you want, but you're not getting the smell out.
As Ian drives up toward the mansion, Ian tells us that he's never even had a car, so this is a pretty great deal for him. He and Tom pull up at a huge mansion, and they take a look out over what has been billed as the best view Palau has to offer. Furthermore, there is a ton of food there for them. "Look at that," Tom says, looking down from a high balcony at Ian's Corvette, parked below. "That is yours." Beats a freaking Pontiac Aztek, I'll say that right now. Ian tells Tom that, at first, he felt bad about not bringing Katie, but he reminds Tom that Katie screwed him over at the last reward challenge -- which is totally true. Tom basically says that's all well and good, but that they're going to have to go back and bring Katie back in with them. He interviews that this is their "only play" at this point, so he certainly hopes Ian can bring Katie around. It's all just so painful.
Back at camp, Caryn wants Katie to tell her everything that's been going on with her and Ian. Katie explains that she and Ian have had a pact from the beginning, and that Ian just told her yesterday that he would choose her over Tom for a reward, but then he took Tom today. "And I feel like I lost my best friend out here," she complains. Apparently, the part where she screwed Ian over has kind of escaped her. ["God, seriously! You must have heard me when I kept screaming that at the TV!" -- Wing Chun] Katie repeats in an interview this stupid thing about how angry she is that Ian didn't take her. She refers to this as a "deal" that they made. Apparently, the fact that she was scheming to knock Ian out of the game last week and that she personally knocked him out of the reward challenge doesn't change the fact that he was her "best friend," but his not taking her along with him on the reward does. Her "closest ally" is gone! Gone! Moreover, Katie now wants to know from Caryn what her deal is with Tom, now that she realizes that the women should have made a move back when Steph was still there. Caryn insists that she has no deal with Tom. Katie doesn't believe her. A-Jenn points out that if Caryn has no deal with Tom, then that means she's "expendable." A-Jenn has a very creepy smile. And a very unchanging expression. If these people were all superheroes, she would be Wax Girl. And she's the weakest superhero ever, because of the melting. She would be no match for...well, for The Match, actually.
Anyway, Caryn tells the other women that Tom did tell her he'd like to go to F2 with her, but that he also told her that would mean turning on an F3 pact with Katie and Ian. This surprises A-Jenn, who apparently didn't know there was a sub-alliance within her alliance. "Is that true, Katie?" A-Jenn asks. "Yeah," Katie says. A-Jenn claims in an interview that Katie "told everything." She "cleaned house"! These people really don't know how to do scandal properly, then, because they're just not carrying it off. Katie then sits down with Caryn and A-Jenn and says she thinks that if Ian wins immunity, they should vote out Tom. And if Tom wins immunity, they'll vote out Ian. Just remember this conversation later when Katie gets all wounded on you. "That's right," A-Jenn says. "I am all about that." Caryn smiles and nods, because she agrees, too. But then she interviews that, in fact, she has to think about who gives her a better shot -- Ian and Tom or Katie and A-Jenn. Katie makes a snotty comment about how you never leave angry women alone together to scheme against you, and it's all very Tim Allen, very coven-of-witches, whatever. The sisterhood really doesn't need her kind of help.
The day, Ian and Tom return to camp. As they approach, Ian is talking about going to see Katie, but before he can, Caryn stomps up. She says there's no time to talk, but that she has questions. "Is it you-me-Tom, or is it you-me-Katie?" she demands to know. Ian freezes momentarily. "It's going to be you-me-K -- er -- you, me, and Tom." Whooops. Heh. Caryn wants to know why she should believe that when Katie is telling her that Ian is her BFF and will never let her down and so forth. Tom tries to help: "If she stayed loyal," he says. "She didn't." Caryn says to Ian, "Did you say that to her?" Ian confirms that he told Katie early on that he was "playing the game with her." And then he goes on to this bizarre statement: "I told Tom I was not going to make a decision until tonight. That's the deal." What? WHAT? "So," he continues, "it could have been you; it could have been Katie." Tom again tries to bail Ian out: "If you haven't flipped with the girls, it's you." But Ian is very determined to put the screws to himself, and says, "We're all playing the game, so -- I can't give you an answer right now." Tom tries desperately to change the subject so that Ian will STOP TALKING, asking Caryn what exactly Katie is suggesting now. "I don't want to say anything," Caryn says, all faux-secretive. And...what? She's trying to be sneaky now? Because...it's not that surprising, dear. There are only five people left. You're talking to two of them. They'll know what the plan is! Tom tries to give her a whole "You won't tell us after we tell you," but Caryn points out that Ian didn't really tell her a whole lot. As Ian and Tom walk away, Tom says, "You just gave away her vote tonight." And...remember how Ian was talking about how he wanted to take Katie and Tom wanted to take Caryn? How his and Tom's interests had diverged? Do you suppose he's this diabolical? Because I basically don't, but...I suppose it's not impossible. Tom complains in an interview that Ian wavered and caused Caryn to have a lot more trouble trusting the two of them. "He better be really tight with Katie," Tom says.
In the shelter, Ian tells Katie he wants to talk to her. "That's actually the last thing I'd like to do this morning," Katie says. Ian looks miserably out into the water. "All right," he says. "Well...I still need to talk to you." He interviews that it was "a horrible, horrible nightmare...like a bomb had exploded." He then waits in the shelter while the three women are out washing dishes or clothes or something, and Katie is furiously repeating to them with great pride her line about "That's the last thing I'd like to do this morning," and it's then that I realize Katie has a thing for Ian. The only times you breathlessly repeat to your women friends the thing you said to some guy that really gave him what-for are when he's (1) your boyfriend; (2) your ex; (3) your friend's boyfriend who sucks; or (4) the guy whose attention you're trying to get because you wish he were your boyfriend and he isn't. Process of elimination, baby! Back in the shelter, Ian says disbelievingly to Tom, "It was a reward challenge." Clearly, he doesn't think Katie should be this upset about something that's just a bonus -- probably in particular because she just fucked him over on a reward challenge, like, two days ago, and he totally forgave her. And then, weirdly, he says, "This is like, classic girl -- this is like girl troubles back home." AHA! See? He has a little bit of a thing with her, too, or at least he knows that she does. I mean, putting aside the stupidity of the "girl troubles" expression and the chicks-is-crazy of it all, this is a tiny bit fascinating, because I think the dynamic between these two is actually kind of complex. Either she digs him and she's mad at him because he doesn't dig her, or he digs her and is trying to prove it to her with loyalty and got his feelings hurt last time and tried to pay her back, or possibly...both. That, of course, would be the most excellent tragedy. He digs, she digs, nothing happens. Boo! Anyway.
When Katie returns from her little chat with the other women, Ian asks for five minutes to talk to her. He insists that he doesn't want to talk about the game, and she mutters something about how "it's all the game." He asks her again for five minutes and asks her to give him that, "as opposed to listening to everybody else." She finally relents, as she's wanted to all along. "Let's walk," he says. As they stroll on the beach, he points out that he won a reward challenge, and that forty-eight hours before, she had knocked him out of a reward challenge to go off with Gregg and A-Jenn, and that Tom essentially got screwed by his own alliance as well. Because this is an unanswerably airtight argument, Katie has to come up with a reason why Ian shouldn't be making it, so she gets all, "Don't make me feel guilty about that. That was not something I won. Stop that now. It's not about the reward challenge." Oh, right. She didn't win -- she just knocked Ian out. It's absurd, her argument. Absurd. Ian goes on to tell her that irrespective of what the other women are telling her, he swore on the cross around his neck that he wouldn't ever participate in a vote against Katie. He insists that this is still his plan. And then he hits her again: "I feel like I'm dealing with girl troubles back home." Which, if I am reading the situation right, thrills Katie, because this is just what she wants -- they're all relationshippy, get it? Get it? Ratcheting up the emotion without tipping her hand, she answers that she feels like she "lost [her] best friend," because he didn't take her on the reward challenge. She is actually in tears as she says, "You promised me that you would never lie to me, and you did yesterday. I can't believe anything you say to me. I just, I can't." And now, Ian's getting teary, too, because my sense is that he's a sensitive enough person that having her cry like this kills him, even though he doesn't deserve it.
And he totally doesn't deserve it. I mean, are you kidding me? Katie's going to tear up about trust when she knocked his ass out of the last reward challenge? And when she was sitting on that boat with Gregg and A-Jenn agreeing to an F3 with them that would screw Ian utterly? Not only that, but she made with the cute faces about stabbing him in the back, all, "Would ya hate me?" Seriously. If you remember her going, "Would ya hate me?" like Betty Boop, and then you watch this scene, you will just want to throw up, because...shut up. SHE SUCKS!
Now, Katie babbles on about "closest thing [she] had to family," and complains that Ian figured he could just take Tom, because he could "step all over Katie." Of course, he's not the closest thing she had to family. The closest thing she had to family was her actual family member she got to see, unlike Ian, who did not get to see his family member in part because she knocked him out of the reward challenge. She sucks. SHE SUCKS! Katie insists that Ian didn't think about how she'd feel seeing him "go against [his] word." He is still a little disbelieving, what with the tiny shreds of common sense that still cling to him, and he looks at her and stammers, "Over -- dinner?" And of course, because she sounds ridiculous, Katie has to insist that -- you guessed it -- this is Bigger Than Dinner. She claims, essentially, that she was "embarrassed."
I realize we are collapsing into a rant here, but...BAH! How do you think Ian felt, Katie, when you knocked him out at Gregg's behest, you jerk? SHE SUCKS! Ian sits down on the beach, entirely unable to believe that this is such a big fucking deal. She continues to weep in his face about how unfair it was for him to approach her at the last minute about the Gregg vote. He tries to apologize -- which is hopeless, because you can totally tell he has no idea what he's really supposed to be apologizing for -- telling her that "sometimes friends make huge mistakes." He calls himself a "scatterbrain" and implies that if she wants him to, he'll quit. Quit! The game! To prove himself to her! I don't get this dynamic at all. AT ALL! SHE SUCKS! I don't care if he's eleven feet tall and plays with dolphins -- somewhere, there is a girl better than this. "I would never want you to do that," Katie insists. Ian tells her that he hopes she'll forgive him (blech!) and that he hopes to her friend for the rest of his life (BLECH!), and he is still crying. SHE SUCKS! Ian: "If you don't want it, that's fine, and I'll stay away, but the bottom line is like, I'm off my rocker in so many different ways, and I'm sorry." She kicks the sand. They hug. They are definitely, definitely in the middle of some weird-ass courtship/sex ritual that just escapes me utterly. That line about "If you don't want it, I'll stay away"...that's not a friendship line. Same with the offer to quit. I suspect it will all come to nothing between them because they're both fundamentally inert, but there's definitely a bizarre undercurrent at work. As they're hugging and he's kissing the top of her head, he says, "I'll do my damndest not to be stupid again." They head back to camp. SHE SUCKS!
I just want to say that, following that exchange, I sent the following text message to one of my Survivor pals: "What is THIS crapola?" The response: "Ian has been baking in the sun too long." To which I say? Exactly.
Later, it is Day 36 at Koror. Tom is taking a walk with Caryn. He asks her whether she thinks Katie was really angry at Ian about not going to dinner, or whether that was an excuse to get out of the alliance she wanted to break anyway. Caryn says she doesn't know, and that Katie is "a good actress." "Did she bring up the women's alliance?" Tom asks. "Was it her move?" Caryn claims not to remember. Tom and Caryn grab treemail, and as they walk back, Tom asks whether the women talked about who would go first, between him and Ian. Caryn claims that part is "still up in the air." Caryn interviews that Ian and Tom both need immunity, and they know that, and are "desperate." Caryn comments that the women are "taking control." In a "United States military in Iraq" sort of way, I suppose.
Tom brings the mail back to the shelter. It implies that both agility and memory will be tested in some kind of goofball immunity challenge. Tom interviews that, now, everyone is just "scrambling." And it's always the weakest one in the alliance who might turn, and to Tom, that's clearly Katie. He goes out to talk to her as she's fussing with something out in the water. "I don't hold it against her for doing it," he interviews, "but that's the reality of this game." Tom says to Katie, "My whole game, and Ian's whole game, hangs on you, and I want to convince you that your whole game hangs on us." She complains that it's too early for the conversation. Heh. Tom says he understands, but says that if she takes one of the guys out tonight, then one will still be left. And if the guy who's left wins the (possibly physical) challenge, then Katie herself is going to be booted, Tom can almost promise her. "That'll be the payback for flippin'," he says simply. "So then maybe you don't get to the final two at all." Katie interviews that Tom has been trying to "bully" her, which...I get that she doesn't like it, but really, I think Tom is being fairly businesslike about it. Tom is telling her why it's in her best interests to do what he's telling her to do, and that's a lot more respectable (to me) than some kind of "do it because we're friends and I'm asking you to" argument. She also says that Tom told her she'll never get his jury vote if she flips on him now. Which...isn't that actually the most respectful way for people to treat you? "This is the deal. Here's why it's rational for you to do what I'm suggesting you do." He respects her enough to make an argument, based on logic, assuming that she will behave rationally based on her own best interests. That, actually, is just how I would want to be treated in this situation. Assuming, of course, that Tom didn't just want to dance with me for a while, because that's how I would really want to be treated.
Katie tells Tom that she's not sure whom to trust, and he points out (quite correctly) that she doesn't have to trust anyone. And it's true. Her reasoning shouldn't be that she trusts Tom and Ian; it should be that she understands that they all have aligned interests. But she doesn't, because she whines in her interview that "Tom sucks today," because he's being so "mean." In fact, she finds him "threatening" and "cold." Girl, when "threatening" comes in the form of telling you what will happen if you do one thing and if you do another, you really shouldn't resent it. Because it's to your advantage, and that's what he's trying to tell you. SHE -- oh, never mind. Tom tells Katie that, in the end, she's going to make her own decision, and she -- rather coldly, I would say, in a way you might even find "mean" or "threatening" -- tells him she hasn't decided yet. "Really," Tom replies plainly.
Back in the shelter, Tom and Ian chat. Tom breaks it to Ian that Katie's not as solid as Ian thinks -- she's wavering, because she just told Tom she is. Moreover, Tom's convinced that Katie doesn't actually care about not going to dinner -- she was looking for a reason to leave the alliance. I do think it's true that she doesn't care that much about dinner, but I don't think she pretended to be upset because she wanted out. I think she was truly upset about Ian because she doesn't know what she thinks about that situation, exactly. Tom tells Ian that the only option they have now is to make it clear to her that if she betrays them after they "carried [her]" so far...and then Ian says, "I'll tell her." And he looks very, very unhappy. He interviews that Tom has changed tracks and is going more with "strong-arming" people, which I think is true, but which is only necessary because Ian fucked up the reward challenge thing, so I don't feel that sorry for him. "I will," Ian repeats to Tom. "I'll talk to her." Ian goes on to interview that there's an argument to be made that he should take Tom out tonight, presumably because Tom has started to piss people off so much. "It's Survivor," he says, feeling ill but trying to look chipper. "Not Parcheesi."
Challenge course. Again, this is a horrible challenge to try to explain, but I will do my best. You cross the famous "wobbly bridge" and then a series of floating platforms and a rope bridge, until you reach a memory puzzle made up of fifteen tiles arranged in a grid. You come back and arrange the tiles on your board to match. Basically, you probably can't memorize the entire thing at once, so presumably, it will be a couple of trips over and back. If you say you're done and get it wrong, you have to go back across before you can try again, which is how they keep you from just trying at random. Incidentally, all the puzzles are different, so peeking at your neighbor won't help you.
Ready? Go! Incidentally, A-Jenn is totally swimming in Gregg's red trunks, as Katie was doing earlier. Caryn and Katie open the challenge by falling off the rope bridge at the first opportunity. Tom, Ian, and A-Jenn run on. First two to return to their own puzzle grids and start working? Tom and Ian. Tom puts his first row in place and heads back out. Ian fills in some pieces and also heads back out. Caryn and Katie have finally made it over to their puzzles for the first time, so good for them! Puzzling follows. Puzzling, puzzling. Caryn sucks at wobbly bridges, as does Katie. Ian is the first to declare that he has his puzzle solved. He doesn't. Tom then calls out his. He's wrong, too. Ian calls it out again -- still wrong. Tom calls it out again -- and he? Is right. Tom wins immunity. Jeff gives him the necklace and reminds him that he's now safely through to F4. He sends them back to camp.
Later, it is still Day 36 at Koror. Tom interviews that, just as he said earlier, immunity was huge for him today. He chuckles that this particular immunity was a matter of being "lucky." He then interviews that the women may still get together and oust Ian. And if that happens, it will be three against Tom, and if he doesn't win all the immunities, he'll be done.
Katie and Ian have a chat in which he admits that the way he handled the reward was "stupid on both levels -- friendship and game." Katie looks at him meaningfully, then says, "It just made me reconsider who you're loyal to." She goes on to tell him that she decided yesterday that she wouldn't make promises -- in other words, she'd keep Ian on the hook as long as possible. I will tell you, I don't think Katie ever considered voting off Ian. I think that if Ian had won immunity, she'd have considered voting off Tom. But this? No. She's loving the feeling of having Ian's fate in her hands, but she's not going to vote him off. "This is the clincher," Ian says to her. "This is our test." She tries to laugh adorably. Hey, laughing adorably when you're completely wrong is advanced jelly, there, sweetheart. It's not for the simple. Caryn watches them talk and interviews that, "after tonight, it's a one in four chance of winning a million dollars." She goes on to point out what we all already know -- that Katie has the choice right now of booting Ian or booting her and A-Jenn. She says she doesn't know what Katie has in mind, but hopes she's "being genuine."
Tribal council. Jeff brings in the jury: Coby, Janu, Steph, Gregg. Gregg and A-Jenn exchange a look. Barf. Jeff immediately brings up the painful subject of the reward challenge. Katie calls it "the darkest day" of her experience out here. Again? Barf. Any use of the words "darkest day" should be considered immediately disqualifying. Ian looks uncomfortable. Katie once again lectures about how the promise was broken, and it wasn't about the steak or the car, and so forth. She claims that it made her "rethink everything that's happened in the past thirty-three days." If so? Stupid. Jeff asks Ian whether he knew how upset Katie was going to be. Ian says that it was his biggest mistake so far in the game, and then adds that it was a personal mistake, too, in that he "really hurt somebody that [he cares] about." He says he "felt really bad," which you might have noticed from all the crying. Is he worried that it might "cost" him? "Sure," he says.
Jeff asks Caryn how she feels about seeing two people on the tribe at odds with each other at this point. Caryn decides to pour out the fact that after Gregg, Jenn, and Katie left for the yacht, Ian immediately told her that they had to vote off Gregg, Jenn, and Katie. Caryn realized at some point that Ian had made competing promises to different people, almost as if he's trying to win the game or something. Can you imagine? She gets all snippy, whining, "I felt really had." Who knew that could happen in a game like this? (Eye-roll.) As usual, Coby is over on the jury doing his best imitation of that Jon Lovitz character on Saturday Night Live who narrated those naughty-stable-boy stories with Tom Hanks. Know what I mean? With the "ooooh, scandalous" and everything. That's what Coby is going for. For some reason, Jeff treats all this nonsense from Caryn as some huge, ground-shaking revelation, which I kind of don't understand, because they all did the same thing. They all tried to get in and out of multiple alliances and to make people believe they had loyalties they didn't have. Why is this shocking?
At any rate, Ian clarifies that Caryn is just as much a part of the boot-Gregg plan as anyone else, and adds that he never intended to vote out Katie. And I love how Caryn says, "That's baloney," as if she knows. You don't know, you fool! Does Caryn not get that Ian only needed Caryn for that vote, and that it's entirely possible that he never did intend to vote for Katie? That he wanted to get Katie back to an F3 with him and Tom, and not with Gregg and Jenn? Does it occur to Caryn that she might be the one to whom Ian did not tell the truth? Apparently, it does not.
Tom explains that, in fact, when they got back to the beach, Caryn told Ian that Katie and Gregg wanted him gone. Caryn makes a large and comical gasping face and insists that this isn't so. Which...what a pile of crap. For one thing, Caryn admitted last week that she had been making the case for a while to break up Jenn and Gregg, so she'd already been trying to get them to turn on those two. Second, she most certainly tattled to Tom that Katie wanted to vote him out, so at most, she's being highly disingenuous by acting as if she never did anything like what Tom is suggesting. Whether Tom is characterizing this all exactly correctly or not, Caryn certainly did what is implied here -- encouraged Tom and Ian to vote off Gregg and Katie, and told them that Katie was disloyal and wanted Tom out. She certainly did those things, and this whole shocked routine is a bit silly. At any rate, Tom points out that after he learned that he and Ian were in trouble, Ian suggested that they needed to take Gregg out. Which is certainly close enough to what happened not to be offensive.
Caryn now insists that Ian didn't trust Katie so much that he didn't tell her about Gregg until right before tribal council. Jeff asks Ian why he didn't tell Katie, and Ian says that he doesn't see where it would matter to him, ten minutes before or three hours before. "Because you're telling me," Katie pouts. "You're telling me what's happening, rather than me saying, 'Okay, let me think on that, maybe I might want to go with Jenn and Gregg.'" Did you hear that? Did you? She is offended that Ian didn't give her time to decide whether to fuck him over. Did you hear that, seriously? Katie thinks that, as her friend, Ian should have made sure she had adequate time to decide whether to fuck him over. It is the stupidest, the lamest, the most logically palsied argument I have ever heard in my entire life, since it boils down to "As my friend, you owed me a fair chance to betray you." SHE SUCKS!
Jeff asks Katie what she'll base her vote on, and she says she doesn't know what she's doing yet. Asked if he wants to give up immunity, Tom doesn't need a really long time to decide. So now, it's voting time. Ian votes for Caryn, saying, "Best three seconds of my day. Can't wait for you to go home." Heh. No love lost there, I guess. Tom votes. Jenn votes. Caryn votes for Ian. Katie votes. When Jeff goes and gets the vote box, the first vote is for Ian. Then Caryn. Then Caryn. Then Caryn, and that will do it. Ha! Go home, grumpy lady. She goes over and is snuffed. Snuff! She walks off. Jeff tells them that there will be three tribal councils and two immunity challenges coming up. "I can't wait to see how this plays out," he says. He sends them back to camp.
Caryn's exit interview is predictably self-aggrandizing and ridiculous, as she's all, "Can you smell what the Civil Rights Lawyer is cooking?" and so forth. She is such a pill.
Coming up on the finale: Celebrating! Drama! Night vision! You won't want to miss it. Well, you might, but you won't. Like, you won't be able to.