The Amazon Heats Up

Previously on Survivor, Rob "screwed the alliance." But not literally, to his dismay. Matthew won the reward challenge, and Christy loved her loved one. The rest of the S6 loved their loved ones, too. Jenna waved her insect-stick arm around at Rob for offering to take her to the Final Two. Now that's gratitude. HeiDDi said that Rob would win the game if he continued to backstab everyone, and Wing Chun pointed out the idiocy of her comment. Jenna won immunity, and Christy "I guess so"d and "I don't know"d herself into her own demise. Also, HeiDDi and Jenna covered their mouths a lot. Five are left. Who will be voted out tonight?

We pan over the scenery to Jacke on Day 34. The tribe moves in slow motion, and Jenna says she feels like she has the flu. She talks about her "phlaryngitis," which she insists is a real ailment: "Not only, like, tonsillitis but an infection of my pharynx and larynx." Except she pronounces them like "pharnyx" and "larnyx." She says, "It gets, like, really bad," and she's miserable. Matthew responds, "Wow," with absolutely no inflection in his voice. Not that he ever has inflection in his voice, but this time I'll wager it's because he really doesn't care.

While Rob folds his laundry, Jenna voice-overs that the hardest thing about the end of the game, in addition to actually playing it, is living with untrustworthy people. She claims it wears on you mentally. But having done no physical work in the last thirty-four days, she can't exactly speak to the physical-exhaustion part. HeiDDi tells Rob and Jenna that she keeps expecting more people to be at camp, but this is it: "Two crazies and us three." From a very unattractive angle, Jenna talks simultaneously to Rob and the camera as she says that things have changed because of last night's Tribal Council, and that she feels only half as betrayed as she did before. You can't really measure betrayal in fractions, though. Jenna insists that if not for Rob, either she or HeiDDi wouldn't still be there. Rob voice-overs that, "amazingly," he doesn't sense any animosity from the two girls, and that they actually seem grateful that he "saved their ass" last night. Their one collective ass. In this case, though, you can't say "their one collective giant ass," because combined, their asses are about the size of one healthy, normal-sized ass. Unless you're talking about the donkey kind of ass, in which case they add up to a pretty big one. In any case, Jenna thinks Rob needs to consider the fact that the people he screws over are going to be on the jury. Rob voice-overs that he's being completely honest with Jenna and HeiDDi, before we see him turn to HeiDDi and announce that he's going to vote for her . Considering that he knows -- first-hand -- how well the honesty technique worked for Alex, you'd think he might be more careful. HeiDDi flatly responds, "Okay," as Rob continues telling them that Jenna will follow, but they're so close to the end of the game that immunities could change all his plans. Jenna thinks it's a "smooth move" because "even though Butch is a moron," Rob would be "a lock" in a final contest against him. Rob admits to having considered "flip flop[ping]" and finishing the game with the two women, but knows he would screw over all his allies and look like "the biggest asshole ever." Some would argue he's already accomplished that feat -- some, including HeiDDi, who snittily giggles, "And you care about that at this point?" Rob voice-overs that they received his intention to vote them off very well, and that "it seems like people don't get too mad when you tell 'em that!" He doesn't think Jenna and HeiDDi have anything up their sleeves. If they wore sleeves, that is. Which they don't, because they don't have any arms to hold them up.

We immediately cut to HeiDDi, who frantically whispers to Jenna that they got themselves this far without Rob, but that she won't tell him that. In the background, Rob obliviously fumbles around as HeiDDi curtly says, "All I know is I'm goin' home Friday." A monkey extends its leg and scratches itself, reminding me of the time I was in a chi-chi Manhattan boutique and there was a poodle in the store wearing a tutu, and it was standing in front of a mirror alternately extending its back legs and admiring itself. True story.

Topic.

Butch drags branches through the jungle while the soundtrack makes whispery noises which, when played backwards, say, "The devil is going to burn your camp down with all this spare firewood." Rob announces that he's got enough wood to keep the fire burning for three days, and in his best drug dealer voice adds, "This is the best firewood that you could find." Jenna groans because they have "eight pounds of firewood and the biggest log I've ever seen in my life," and Rob doesn't know why they need so much, except that Butch told him to get it. Jenna concludes, "Butch done lost his mind." Butch fussily asks a branch if it's dry yet. Rob says he doesn't know what's up with Butch's obsession with firewood, but as soon as he wakes up in the morning, he announces that they need to go get firewood. Interspersed with Rob's comments are various shots of Butch conversing with various pieces of firewood. Rob adds that as soon as Butch gets back to camp with the firewood, he thinks they need to go get more, concluding, "And he's adamant about the wood!"

Rob approaches Butch, asking what he's doing. Butch grunts, "More firewood," before moaning, "Oooh, it's dry!" Rob says, "Butch, you love your firewood!" but Butch insists that he just loves the work, before preaching that if Rob wants to be successful in life, he can't sit back and let other people do the work for him. He orders Rob to get out there and "get the faaaare!" We see him coaching Rob "just [to] get what [he] can handle -- that's good! Don't probably [sic] lift too much 'cause we got several trips we could make." Rob humors Butch before explaining in an interview that he doesn't know how he became the "Junior Deputy Firewood Bitch." Hee. He looks off sideways and laughs, "I don't wanna be a team with Butch!"

The women lie in the shelter as Rob throws down yet another branch, wondering why this particular wood is so great compared to everything else in the forest. As the camera pans over various piles of wood, Jenna interviews that they have so much firewood -- under the shelter, by the fire, everywhere -- that they aren't even using it. She says, "I don't know what he does. I don't know if he talks to the wood?" We pan over to Butch muttering to himself over a pile of wood, "Oooh, man...this is niiiiiice!" As he hustles around bearing more wood, he voice-overs that it's very important to have dry wood in case of an emergency. Like in the emergency of a fire, maybe? He concludes, "I'm just a wood-crazy nut, I guess!" Hee. Butch tells Rob that the sun will come up soon, and after three more hours, the wood will be dry, and then they'll be ready to "rock and roll" and go get some more. Rob slowly asks, "And why are we gonna be able to rock and roll?" causing to Butch to get up and commence and indescribable dance through the jungle. As Rob cracks up, Butch walks like an Egyptian -- albeit a crazy Egyptian -- and says, "My wife says I embarrass her when I dance. I don't know why." He then stops walking like a crazy Egyptian, bends at the waist, and makes repeated grabby motions into the air. And if you've ever been to a Phish concert, you pretty much know exactly how this guy dances.

A sloth pokes around a tree and slowly examines its foot. Aw, cute foot-examining sloth. Rob and HeiDDi return to camp with treemail and read the clue: "To succeed in the future, you must learn from the past. Your coolest reward is also the last." Butch voice-overs that they're all anticipating a "big juicy reward," because it's the final one. As they prepare to head off for the challenge, Rob asks how Butch thinks they are doing on firewood if it rains, and Butch responds that they're okay. Rob presses whether they don't need to get more, as we see a close-up of Butch feeding the fire. We also get close-ups of the piles of firewood, the smoldering fire, and a Smokey the Bear warning poster. Except without that last part. The camera lingers on Butch's "Believe in Yourself" banner, and then a piece of wood dramatically snaps in the fire. Nope! Nothing going on with the fire or the wood.

Peachy welcomes the tribe members on their thirty-fourth day in the game. He asks, all Joey Tribiani-style, "How you doin', Jenna?" She responds that her "tonsils are gettin' big" and that she might be getting a case of tonsillitis. She whinily adds, "But I'm a little girl. I can only ask so much from this small body." It's not nearly so endearing a comment as you'd think it would be. And since you wouldn't think it would be endearing at all, it was that unendearing. Peachy explains that the day's reward challenge will "revisit" past challenges as well as provide a "sneak peek" from the future. The S5 "whoa" and "wow!" as if that description means something to them.

In the first stage of the challenge, the S5 will escape from a cage by untying a series of knots; the second stage is a puzzle; the third is a rope swing -- which they haven't done yet, but will in the future -- for them to untie and use to swing across a gully, at which point they'll end up at a "decoding station." We see a quick shot of said "decoding station," which blinkily decodes itself to read, "Second bundle." The decoded message will lead them to a key, which they will use to unlock the "flying fox" (a zip-line), after climbing a ladder. At the end of the zip-line is the final key, which goes along with the reward. He then gestures behind the S5 and says, "And it's right there!" I refuse to believe that they didn't notice the large, shiny, red object immediately behind them, but they pretend to be surprised anyway and "Oh my God," as expected. Peachy explains that the producers always save the best reward for the end of the game, and this time it's the reality television car of choice: a Saturn Ion. The camera pans around the car, accompanied by cheesy special effects of doors opening themselves and close-up blinky shots of the Saturn insignia. Peachy dramatically announces that the reward will also come with a trunkful of hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, and a hibachi. Quirky music starts up as more perky shots follow of the Saturn sign, its tires, the steering wheel, and gearshift. I know it's a Saturn, but are we really supposed to be all, "Oooh, it has a gearshift!"?

Peachy begins the challenge, and narrates their progress in untying the knots. Matt is off to an early lead, followed closely by Jenna, then Butch, then Rob. HeiDDi's not even worth mentioning at this point. Or at any point in this challenge, for that matter. Peachy announces, "Rob still on number one," and Rob quickly responds, "I'm on two," so Peachy corrects himself: "Rob's up two." He then announces -- a little too enthusiastically -- "HeiDDi, puttin' all that bicep into it! Gruntin' and groanin'!" and also, "Jenna, not thinkin' about her tonsils at all!" We see more shots of fumbling hands, tangled ropes, and bared teeth.

Butch makes it out of the cage first, and runs very much like he dances -- all elbows and knees. Matthew is right behind Butch, followed by Rob. As they begin the puzzle, Peachy announces, "The three men are in it!" before half-heartedly encouraging HeiDDi and Jenna not to give up. Jenna is finally out of her cage -- I don't know why she didn't just slide between the bars? -- as Rob moves on to the swing and begins decoding. Matthew also finishes his puzzle and joins Rob at the "decoding station." Peachy yells back to the others, "Don't quit, guys! They're stuck on the message!" Meanwhile, the camera pans over to HeiDDi, all knotted up in her ropes and, obviously, still in the cage. Butch has to wait about five minutes for Peachy to approve his puzzle before advancing to the rope swing, which in his case is less "swing," and more "dragging with feet running on the ground."

By now, Matthew has worked out the cryptic "Second Bundle" clue, retrieved the key, and climbed his ladders as Peachy spazzes, "Matthew has his lock undone! Down the flying fox!" Matthew shrieks as he scoots down the zipline and grabs the key with a hearty jump. Peachy proclaims Matthew the victor, and is HeiDDi still in her cage? Matthew runs a lap through the perimeter of the challenge before screaming, "This thing better be gassed up!" He gets in the car, and honks the horn twice. It must be pretty exciting to have your own set of wheels when you've gone through life with your own driver. Rob seems genuinely happy as he runs over to join him, and Matthew urges Rob into the car. The girls grumpily walk over, too, until Matthew announces that he's got the air conditioning on, causing them to pick up the pace and get in the car. As Butch joins them, Jenna yells, "Get in and feel the air conditioning for the first time in thirty-four days!"

It's time for the "tailgate party," and Matthew cutely begs Peachy to let him "share it with everyone. Please!" But this week, Peachy doesn't think it's better to give than to receive, and snits, "It's not happening." He preaches that Matt's choice could ultimately work for or against him. Matthew tells the group that he made a deal with Rob prior to the challenge, but that he'd been hoping he'd be able to include more people. Butch looks particularly demoralized by the news that there won't be a hamburger in his immediate future. Peachy commands the losers back out of the car and banishes them back to camp while Matthew embraces Rob,whose feet may or may not be off the ground, bent at the knee, and crossed behind him.

Matthew peers inside the car and announces that he "can't describe how cool this car is." That could mean a couple things, though, couldn't it? Rob anxiously asks if he can borrow it when Matthew goes away, and Matthew responds that Rob can not only borrow it, but can also take it for a spin and "cruise chicks." Matthew majestically adds, "I will let you." Rob wants to know how far back the seats go, and whether it has a roomy back seat. For all the ladies who are down with the Rollies and the Benzes and the Saturns. Not that the Saturn doesn't beat Rob's parents' Woody. Although the Woody does have a certain retro cool. In any case, Rob interviews that he's very happy for Matthew and repeats that Matthew offered to let Rob borrow it and "go our cruising for chicks" when he goes to Asia "or if he ever returns to the planet that he came from." Hee.

The men pull the huge cooler out of the car's trunk, and Matthew is hopeful that it will contain something from home: his collection of dead and dying small animals. Instead, it has grapes, hot dogs, and marinated chicken, which Matthew is very interested in "organiz[ing]." He is also particularly excited over the potato salad, while Rob enthuses over the "Flintstone hamburgers." They then turn their attention -- as men do -- to the hibachi. Rob laments that Butch isn't there because they're lighting a fire; he mimics Butch rambling on about his firewood. Matthew determinedly takes the matches from Rob, who exclaims, "This is your forte!" Matthew squats over the hibachi and mutters, "I'm a pyromaniac," which Rob pointedly says he noticed.

We pan over the very still water back to the camp, accompanied by ominous music and drumbeats. We see the smoky fire and a hanging hat, before the fire starts to grow bigger and bigger. Magilla looks on in concern as the shelter erupts into a crackly bonfire.

We return to the contained hibachi fire, as Rob congratulates Matt on igniting it successfully. Matt responds, "I just got the magic touch. What can I say?" A punch-drinking Rob wishes they had a hibachi at Jacke, and wonders if they'll get to keep it. Matt is busy ministering to the hot dogs, and Rob tells him to "make a bunch" of them because they can't take them back. "A bunch of hot dogs" is just not an appealing thought. The men discuss how they like their hot dogs, and Matthew likes his dark. I think there's a joke about Sorority Life's Julia in there somewhere.

Meanwhile, the fire at Jacke continues to flare and burn. The "Believe in Yourself" banner catches fire and quickly begins to drop away. All of this burning footage is surprisingly disturbing, although the fact that the banner now reads, "Be in Yo" adds some humor to the situation.

Matt loads hamburgers onto the hibachi, followed by the large and very flattened-out chicken breasts, providing a lesson in how to tell the real thing from the implants. Rob announces, "I feel like George Foreman right now!"

Jacke continues to blaze, and we see a close-up shot of the well-done Magic 8-Ball. The shelter's roof has been destroyed, but at least the fire appears to have burned itself out. The camera slowly pans back through the jungle to reveal that the camp is now a small, isolated, smoldering black hole in the middle of the jungle.

It's very still and very quiet. Hot sun. Birdsong. We see lingering shots of destroyed items, including what I think might be a sneaker. Footsteps crunch through the jungle as Jenna, HeiDDi, and Butch approach camp. Butch notices first and can only say, "Oh," and then "Oh!" They continue slowly walking forward, and Butch announces, "Looks like we had a fire, folks." HeiDDi wants to know "what the hell happened." Jenna exclaims, "All of my stuff..." and Butch echoes, "All our stuff..." Notice the key difference between those two phrases: "my" and "our." Jenna obliviously clarifies, "My important stuff!" because obviously no one else has anything of significance. Butch points out that everything is gone, and suggests that the wood must have caught on fire and "gouged the camp." Jenna is still busy categorizing her own losses" "My jacket!" "My letters!" "All my clothes are gone!" Jenna then turns to HeiDDi and snips, "At least you still have yours." Jenna interviews that she doesn't know what happened because they always leave the fire burning and nothing has ever caught flame before. She suggests that it must have gotten out of control and burned the extra wood. All of their packs were destroyed except HeiDDi's, which was underneath the others. HeiDDi rubs Jenna's back and apologizes, while Jenna mumbles, "I know. What can I do?" And if you have any sympathy for her at this point, it should be wiped out by her statement: "I had stuff in my pack that can't be replaced -- like my pledge crown. My Zeta jacket can't be replaced because it's an heir -- it's passed down from sister to sister so I can never get that back." At least she catches herself before completing the word "heirloom." As they root through the ashes, Jenna asks why HeiDDi doesn't feel lucky to have her stuff saved, and HeiDDi responds that it kills her to know how much everyone lost. She interviews that she feels guilty being the only one untouched by the catastrophe, and then pats herself on the back: "I mean, most people would be like, 'Woohoo, you know, my stuff's still here.'" She wishes her stuff had been burned so she could "be on the same level as them."

Back at the wreckage, Jenna asks what the step in recovering the camp should be, and Butch heads straight for his banner. He interviews that his first thought was to question whether the fire could have been his fault, but they'll never know. He is disappointed to have lost his "Believe in Yourself" sign and concludes, "So now we're really gonna have to believe in ourselves to make it through the five days." They stand around and stare some more while HeiDDi is "blown away" and Butch finds it "unbelievable." Apparently, the proper posture for someone whose home and belongings have just burned to the ground is Hands on Hips.

Rob and Matthew toast each other: "To two!" They agree that they'll be the finalists together, before digging into the hot dogs. And it's a good thing they decide to eat the hot dogs first, since the hamburger meat still looks raw. Rob earnestly says, "I love hot dogs soooo much!" while Matthew talks through a mouthful: "Bon apptit, dude!" Matthew toothily interviews that it's great that two people with two different strategies have come together. He claims to have learned the game from Rob, while Rob learned his survival skills "through watching"Matthew. In the beginning, Rob helped Matthew, and now it's Matthew's turn to help Rob. They sit Indian-style on a red and white plaid picnic blanket as Rob announces that he's run out of credit and no one trusts him anymore. Matthew jumps in to say, "Except for me!" He not only trusts Rob, but credits him for his current standing in the game. Matthew further explains, "So many times you came through and gave me...just enough information." Hee. I don't know that I'd want my best allies to be the ones who give me "just enough information." Rob waves a fork around as he says that, just like Matthew wouldn't be there without him, Rob wouldn't be able to finish the game without Matthew. As we see a pseudo-funky shot of the two men in the sideview mirror of the Saturn, Rob interviews that he's taken them to this point, but that he has no more moves and has done all he can do. He metas that Matthew is now in the driver's seat, while he's got shotgun. Rob continues wielding the fork as he insists that no one else would trust him to go to the end, and that he owes Matt everything. In an interview, Matthew says he's "so stoked" to have crafted strong relationships with both Rob and Butch, who each think Matthew's going into the final two with them. A curious monkey scratches its ear as Rob jokingly asks whether Matt's going to put the car in "long-term parking." Matt ambles over to give the car a big, creepy smooch, leaving yucky lip marks behind. Matthew finishes up his interview by telling us that he has two options locked in, and that it will be a difficult choice, because he'll have to backstab someone -- the first time he'll had to do so during the game.

Back at Jacke, Butch explain how he's resurrecting the fire; he says he "dug a little hole in the ground," and Jenna snips, "I see that." She nibbles at something from her watchful perch as he shakes his head and asks, "Whose fault? It's all of ours, I guess." He questions whether they had too much wood or too big a fire as HeiDDi takes a bite of something and goes cross-eyed. Jenna concludes, "You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't."