Last time on Survivor, Neleh offered her sucked-on, chewed-up, half-dissolved, phlegmy, germ-ridden, wet, saliva-soaked, sticky, muculent mint to the rest of the tribe, who surprisingly enough declined the offer. She also talked endearingly with her mouth full, and said "Oh my heck" about a bazillion times, each time more adorable than the last. Except more "annoyingly" than "endearingly," and more "appalling" than "adorable." Tammy and Robert were worried about staying in the game, and rightfully so as a pissy Tammy got voted out after Robert won immunity. Six are left. Who will be voted out tonight?
It is a dark and stormy night...err, "morning" on Day 31 at Soliantu. A scary-looking tiki. A scary-looking pair of abandoned sunglasses. A trail of scary-looking discarded shells leads to scary-looking drying pots. And then, the horror: a scary-looking Kathy breaks apart leaves, while a scary-sounding grunting noise throbs in the background, revealing itself to be -- gasp! -- the snoring of Paschal. The tinkly bass piano plays so we know there's sadness forthcoming. Kathy tells us in a confessional that there's a lot of anxiety around camp, and that they're feeling depleted "energy-wise." She says that the S6 are all missing their homes and loved ones, and that it's "getting really old." She breaks down into tears as she tells us that she was strong until three days ago, and is now just trying not to cry. Here, my husband repeatedly rewound and watched the tape with the exclamation, "She cries just like you!" and I have no idea what that meant, but I am not flattered. In any case, Kathy explains that she wakes up at night sobbing and "hurting under the stars," except at first I thought she said "horny" instead of "hurting," which cracked me up. She's worried about her son, even though she knows he's fine. She says he thinks it's great that she's out there in the jungle -- and he probably does, most particularly in terms of the fact that it gives him a shriek-free month and a half at home. Kathy half-laughs and half-cries that it's "uncanny" to see what's happening with the "mental stability" of the S6. Which makes for an awfully big assumption: that the S6 had any "mental stability" in the first place.
The anticipated drama from the previews plays out in the first two minutes of this week's episode. Sean is perched in a tree branch about seven or eight feet off the ground, helping Paschal to cover the tribe's shelter with a tarp. Sean loses his balance after grabbing a twig too small to sustain his weight, and sort of rotates around on the branch so he's hanging upside down -- like something roasting on a spit. Then, he just hangs on until Robert comes to help him down. Actually, by this point he's released his legs from the branch and is just hanging by his arms, and since Sean is probably at least five and a half feet tall, and since that branch is no higher than eight feet high, that means he was hanging so precariously about two and a half feet of the ground. Still, Sean's weak and confused, so Robert eases him to his feet. Paschal tells us in a confessional that they spend "twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week" with each other, and if you "do the math," it comes to a total of nine hundred hours with each other. I just "[did] the math," and -- if they did spend every single minute together in the thirty-one days they've been out there thus far -- it would total some 5,200 hours. Still, half that time is spent sleeping, and certainly not all of it is spent in the company of all of the others, so the numbers aren't exactly reliable. We get Paschal's point, though: they spend a lot of time together. He tells us that under such intense conditions, the S6 know each other better than anybody else except their immediate families. Their relationships with each other are now even tighter than their relationships with best friends, because they've spent more time together. He wonders how many years of knowing someone it would take to amass nine hundred hours of time in that person's company. He does not account for the fact that none of those hours would be spent lying or scheming against that friend to deprive him/her of a million dollars. ["Well, probably." -- Wing Chun]
Now Sean opens wide and Kathy peers inside his mouth. Because best friends aren't close enough to look into each others' mouths, but the S6 are. Get it? We see Sean rush to chew something and swallow before sticking out his tongue. Why not wait until after he's had a drink of water, so Kathy doesn't have to look past tiny little masticated food particles? Paschal explains that his, Vecepia's and Sean's mouths have started "frying," as we see Sean sticky his pinky in the corner of his mouth in his best Dr. Evil imitation. Actually, it appears that he's just trying to help Kathy out by prying his mouth open even further. Paschal says that the burning started after they ate, so he's going to be more careful from now on. Or maybe Sean, Vecepia, and Paschal eventually did partake of Neleh's mint, and caught something nasty from her. Kathy wants Sean to lift up his tongue, because she's worried about blisters. A lovely close-up of Sean's tongue and the inside of his mouth reveal that he is, indeed, blister-free. And a collective sigh of relief issues forth across the nation. Paschal thinks it's weird that he misses his family so much now, but when he goes home, he'll miss his new Marquesan family. For once, this sort of confessional comes forth as earnest and bittersweet, as opposed to hokey and contrived.
Robert hacks at something, and how many sentences of my recaps this season have started that way? Someone's always hacking at something, it seems. He tells us that he has to keep his mind on the game because he's there to win. He can't focus on his family and become depressed as the others have. He then names all the various family members he could be missing but refuses to dwell on missing, although just by mentioning them so obsessively, he might appear to be dwelling. He says he's there to win the game, and that's it. He doesn't say, "I'm the General and that's that," but you know he's probably thinking it.
Paschal and a giggly Kathy check the mail, which contains a little carved turtle in a pouch. (Not an actual, organic turtle that had been carved up, but a carved turtle figurine. Because a carved-up turtle would be gross.) Kathy is confused by the turtle, then reads the clue:
Each step you take can decide your fate
Which way to go, or should you wait?
It's all strategy now, to get to the end
Big night for the winner, choose just one friend.
Paschal can't begin to conjecture what the clue is all about, which is just as well, since it has pretty much nothing to do with the forthcoming challenge anyway. Even though Kathy is exhausted, she thinks the suspense over the challenge is fun. Or maybe it's because she knows what the challenge is (because she's all-knowing Kathy, after all) and enjoys that the others will have to endure said suspense.
A big honeycomb-like grid awaits the S6 as they arrive at the beach. Peachy's there too, and points out that the members of the S6 have now entered their second month on the island, and they're "missing the people who matter the most." He whips a cell phone out of his pocket and wonders how they'd react if he offered them a phone call home. Neleh grins widely and is already tearing up, and Robert says, "Hells yeah!" Peachy then snits, "It's not gonna happen today. I was just curious how you'd react." Burn! Except not. Because when the tribe responds about how horrible he is -- even more horrible than usual -- Peachy doesn't wait very long to reveal that he's not such a bad-ass, after all. As if the freshly starched khaki pants didn't give him away. Peachy grandly summons Neleh's freakish mother Becky from the bushes. Becky emerges wearing two flowers in her flowing gray hair, short-length overalls, and a general aura of peaceful happiness. How annoying. She also appears to be shaking her fist at her daughter. One by one, the others' loved ones are called from their hiding places: the appearance of Kathy's son Pat prompts wailing as yet unheard this season; Robert greets his sister Diana, "Told you I'd get you out of Maryland some day!" Sean's "buddy" Darryl hoots his way out of the bushes while Sean cries and sticks his tongue out at him; Vecepia and her husband Leander point at God; and then finally Paschal's lovely (and young!) wife Beverly bounces out of hiding. She cheers Paschal to "stay focused and stay here!" Oh, and she loves him. Vecepia and Leander then make another cute gesture that I think is a symbol of strength, and has nothing at all to do with pointing at God.
Peachy explains that the challenge will take place using the honeycomb game board. He says that the contestants will stand on yellow tiles and, one by one, step off onto new yellow tiles. After each step, each player will turn their abandoned tile over, revealing green beneath. Once a tile is green, it can't be stepped on again, so when a player is surrounded by green tiles, he or she is out of the game. Peachy explains that the game is about strategy, and then discloses that the S6 will not be playing. Instead, their loved ones will compete. Peachy further reveals there are six skip-a-turn tiles on the game board; he explains that when they choose to step on such a tile, they'll have to skip their turn. Duh. There's also a surprise wild card underneath a yellow tile, which reveals the harsh "vote one person out" mandate. Peachy finally reveals a last rule: there can be no verbal communication between the S6 and their loved ones, but non-verbal communications is allowed. So basically, all the pointing at God Vecepia and Leander can get in is fine.
Looking at Neleh's mother hurts my eyes.
The S6's loved ones draw numbers to determine the starting order. Pat is first, followed by Diana, Leander, Becky, Darryl, and finally Beverly. Poor Beverly is always last. Thankfully, we don't have to watch every tile get turned over; after the first full round, things are sped up, and we join them when, as Peachy points out, they've become "really bunched up in the middle." He points out that Becky is "on the retreat," and insists that it's "only a matter of time" for Darryl. Still, Beverly is the first blocked in by tiles, and she seems confused, then appears to shoot Darryl a dirty look. I'm not sure what that was all about. Peachy's "not about to let" Beverly leave without an embrace from Paschal, so they hug. Neleh sobs on the sidelines, while Robert appears to be holding her back. Otherwise, I'm sure she would have skipped gaily over and thrown her arms around both of them. Or maybe she would have offered to kindly share her grimy chewed-up bathing suit bottoms with Beverly.
Peachy resumes the game, saying, "We're lookin' for real estate. Everybody [sic] looking for real estate," and I'm so embarrassed for him. Darryl turns over the "vote one person out," tile and is not very pleased. Sean, meanwhile, laughs over the situation. Peachy points out that Darryl has no problems with anyone yet -- he can't hate Becky just on the way she looks? Because I do -- and that not having a choice is just part of Survivor. Peachy explains that Darryl can base his decision on strategy, or on a method as random as picking a number between one and ten. Peachy -- he's so cool -- says, "Doesn't matter to me. One of these other four is about to be out of the game." Sean has stopped laughing and realizes that it's kind of a big deal. He makes a hands-off gesture, and may even be tearing up as Darryl figures out what to do. Darryl then just takes off his baseball cap and throws it over his head; it lands at Leander's feet. Peachy proclaims it a fair way of choosing, but didn't Darryl know who was standing behind him? In any case, Leander's substantial ass gets booted, and he heads over to hug Vecepia. Aw, Leander looks like he gives good hug. They hug and apologize to each other while Vecepia cries. Then Leander is sent away, while Sean comforts a sobbing Vecepia.
Darryl is the to go. He jogs over to Sean, and they shake hands and then decide to hug. They don't really look like they even know each other very well, but who am I to judge? Sean says something about a "hot buttered soul album" to Darryl, and maybe that's some obvious reference of which I should be aware, but I guess I'm just not cool like that. Sean then tells Darryl that he loves him, and chokes up as he asks Darryl to tell his mother the same. Now it's Vecepia's turn to comfort Sean.
The contest is down to Pat, Diana, and Becky, who will be known hereafter as Ykceb. Because if it's good enough for her daughter, it should be good enough for her. Ykceb looks perplexed as she contemplates the game board; she and Neleh gesticulate at each other, impressing Peachy, who exclaims, "Mother, daughter talking with hands!" I think they're just playing air pattycakes, but Peachy hasn't caught on to that. It doesn't matter in the end, though, because Ykceb is the player knocked out of the competition. Neleh cries as she walks over to Ykceb. They hug and whisper into each others' ears about how great and wonderful and sweet and bubbly and naïve and adorable they both are. Neleh gives her mother a piece of dirty-looking fabric, then Ykceb -- finally, freakishly -- heads off, taking her stupid flowers and her even stupider shorty coveralls with her. Neleh gets in one last yell: she wants her mother to "take all [her] love," because Neleh loves her so much. Good thing someone does.
So we're down to the finals between Pat and Diana, and Peachy ominously points out that "it's only a matter of time." Meanwhile, Sean is hugging Neleh to one shoulder, and Vecepia to the other. Both Pat and Diana have four uncovered squares surrounding them, and as Peachy says, "It can't get any closer than this." Finally, Pat and Diana are each standing on a lone yellow tile, and no one reacts, I suppose, because no one is quite sure who won yet. Peachy points out that since it's Diana's turn, and she has no tile to step on, Pat wins. Diana apologizes to Robert; she's proud of him and wants him to "bring it on home." If she just waits a few hours, she can bring it on home with him. Robert tears up and then breaks down completely. Meanwhile, Kathy gallops out to Patrick and then jumps into the air and straddles him while screeching, "You did such a good job, man!" Peachy reveals the reward: Pat and Kathy will "hang out together" at the Soliantu camp. He turns to the others and says, "Welcome your new tribe member, Soliantu." I hope that Pat at least knew this was coming, but he looks kind of dumbfounded. The others cheer, and then Pat goes around and hugs them all. Kathy is so very happy. Pat, most likely, is not.
As the S6+1 walk back to camp, the serene sounds of peaceful chanting and the ocean's hum are corrupted by Kathy's overbearing cackle. Then, a teensy scuttling crab gets washed away in the surf. Poor teensy, washed-away, scuttling crab. Kathy enters her manic phase, rambling that she's glad Pat's there, and now she can make it to the end, and it's all "real," making jazz hands throughout. In a confessional, Kathy says she feels the "love coming out of [her] heart," which prompted me to think of the other body parts through which Kathy's love would issue forth, and I'm sure Peter Pandit would make a large contribution to that conversation. As they continue walking, Kathy shrieks because Pat is "so casual." She tells him, "We don't have any rap music out here, baby!" Sean and Vecepia, meanwhile, lament over the things they forgot to ask or tell their loved ones, and Neleh thinks it was the most incredible experience "ever, ever, ever."
Back at camp, the squealing continues. Kathy is exciting because she's "ordering [Pat] around like a mother would." Neleh tells Pat that Kathy is the tribe's mother figure, and the others all are kind enough to say how wonderful Kathy is so that they don't have to tell Pat how bad his mother sucks. Kathy wants everyone to check out Pat's muscles from weightlifting, and then reveals his bicep tattoos. It's something Irish, and Kathy says she was "ripped" when he did it, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't mean she was drunk. She then shoots off a stream of questions without taking a breath, or better yet, giving Pat a chance to respond. She says, "How's the house? Have you been partying there? Seriously, tell me the truth. Yes, you have, I can tell!" Robert thinks Pat's "wrecked the joint already," and Pat smiles while the other cheers him on. Kathy thinks it's really weird! It's weird, weird, weird! Kathy almost always talks in exclamation points! In a confessional, she tells us that Pat has had good experiences in his life, but that he "basically hangs around New England." In other words, he's small-minded. She then makes a big scene over all the chores they will make Pat do around the camp; she rubs her hands together in exaggerated excitement while the others cheer.
Now Kathy gives Pat a lesson on how to crack open a shell. He drops a big rock onto the shell from about two feet above as everyone laughs at him, and Kathy runs away from the rolling rock. Robert points out that Pat might "wanna hang onto it" as he strikes the shell. Patrick continues bumbling about trying to open the shell, while Kathy inquires about the money situation at home. Finally, Pat realizes that the stone must make contact with the shell in order to crack it open. As Kathy pulls out the shellfish innards, she says, "Can you believe it? We eat that." She then compliments Pat's expert rock-throwing skills. Now there's a kid who can do anything! Pat drinks coconut milk and cringes -- he of the unrefined, New England taste -- while Kathy cackles. Pat tells us that he's never been an outdoor person and instead has been a "crappy little kid from the East Coast" his whole life. So to sum up what we know of Patrick so far, he's a "crappy little kid from the East Coast who basically hangs around New England." Sounds like a rousing college reference, if you ask me. He says, "I like my TV and my couch," adding that being in the Marquesas is a different world. Kathy hugs Pat and says it's good to have him out there; she then jokingly asks if she can go home.
The camera closes up on a pan of boiling stuff, which Kathy introduces as "Mom's porridge." Pat's first taste prompts a variety of faces, none of which is as funny as the faces Sean makes. In a voice-over, Pat calls it "nasty food," and then groans for emphasis. Kathy tells him the porridge isn't bad when followed with an apple, and hey! Where'd they get the apples, anyway? Pat gives the other members of the tribe credit for eating his mother's cooking.
Now Pat, his brand-new sneakers, and his mom head off along the trail in search of food. Kathy lauds Pat for his abilities, deeming him "a natural." She says that finding "good root" is their greatest joy out there, and that sounds like a euphemism for something dirty. And something really, embarrassingly dirty is coming up: Pat's hands! In a confessional, he tells us the experience was "muddy and disgusting," and complaints that he got his hands dirty, which he usually doesn't do. He says he's "usually a pretty-boy," and whines, "I don't know what my buddies are gonna think. They'll think I'm crazy. They'll think my mother's crazy!" Then Pat calls Kathy crazy, and in her craziest voice, she responds, "Am I crazy? I'm not crazy!"
The remaining S6 sit at camp and relive their time with their family members. Vecepia wants to know how Paschal felt when he kissed Beverly, and luckily we're spared all of the charming details, such as, "It was like sucking on a warm, wet, semi-masticated mint." Vecepia tells us in a confessional that when she first saw Leander, she wanted to touch him to make sure he was real. She says there was "so much goin' on" and he was "lookin' so scrumptious!" She's elated from seeing him and his smile, and she keeps picturing in her mind the moment he emerged from his hiding place. Neleh says her mother was so excited that she couldn't concentrate, and thus lost the challenge by not heeding Neleh's marvelous directions. Poor Sean, meanwhile, is left only to talk about his "boys," and how Darryl told him he was in their prayers at home. Paschal concludes that it was "home bein' brought to each one of us." As the camera pans away, we see them generously trying to talk over each other about the greatness of their own individual visitors.
In another confessional on what is quickly becoming The Paschal and Paschal Show, Paschal tells us it's human nature for thoughts of loved ones and home to have become more acute. We see a clip of the S6 entwined in various hugs; a couple of heads are even cradled on bosoms. Neleh, in particular, looks uncomfortable to be holding Robert that way. Then Paschal tells us that he's fifty-seven years old, and for the first time in his life, he has "come face to face with" himself. He chokes up as he reveals that he's not proud of some of the things he's seen and reflected on during his time on Survivor, and that he has taken things for granted. He says he has a wonderful situation at home and a wonderful wife: "And I'm determined when I go back home that a lot of that's gonna change." Hee. That's funny. He wants to change his wonderful situation and wonderful wife? As he and Neleh fold the American flag, Paschal tells us in a voice-over that America is the "most blessed nation in the world," but that Americans take many things for granted. He says that the experience has forced him to realize what's important -- not fancy cars, or television sets, or your bank account, or clothes. He says it's the people. And also the $1 million grand prize. And getting to go on Letterman.
Vecepia throws a rock. She throws another rock. You see? Because Vecepia wastes rocks! But not any longer. She tells us that she's learned not to take the small things in life for granted. Many times at home, she's bought a loaf of bread and tossed the butts, but now scraping food from a coconut husk has made her realize that she needs to think twice about what she's doing. So save those bread butts, people! There's a PSA at the end of the episode telling you to which Third World nation they can be sent.
Now Kathy stalks off into the woods, followed by Pat. She requests his help with the game: "I respect how you play games." Gosh, poor Pat. He's just getting hammered here. Now, he's not only the "crappy little kid from the East Coast who basically hangs around New England," he's the "crappy little kid from the East Coast who basically hangs around New England and is good at games." Kathy explains that she has a loyalty to Paschal and Neleh, but because they're like father and daughter, Kathy will be voted out if she goes into the final three with them, unless she wins immunity. She asks, "How do I get in the game? Because they're gonna boot me." Pat gives the obvious answer: that she should align with Sean and Vecepia, and Kathy is immediately ready to shoot that down by saying that they're also allied and would vote her out, as well. She then tells Pat that Rob is "the key player here," and that she needs to decide whether to approach Rob, Vecepia, and Sean. She isn't sure, though, whether forming such an alliance would make her "look like a total -- " Her voice trails off and Pat enthusiastically finishes the sentence with the word, "Bitch!" Clearly, he's been waiting his whole life for the chance to call her that. Pat says that Rob needs to win immunity, and Kathy once again corrects him by saying that any such alliance has to be done prior to today's immunity challenge. This conversation is so sad. Patrick only has a small amount of the information that Kathy has, and she's deriving way too much pleasure from shooting down all of his suggestions and telling him her own plans. She says that "all of this is seductive and cunning and it's not like" her. Pat doesn't like this side of Kathy, but she insists that it's the work of the insidious game. She explains that she's just starting to play, and wants to know what should she do. Pat says he doesn't know what she should do, because he's never played this particular game before. Or maybe he's just afraid to make any more suggestions because she'll pull yet another trump card out of her ass. Kathy insists that she needs Pat's help because he's her "most trusted ally," and Pat responds that it's "messed up," and that she's been put in a bad situation. Kathy agrees, but adds that if she wants the million, she should form the alliance. Drums beat ominously, because that's what drums do.
Now we return to camp, where the tribe sits around the fire and takes turns complimenting Pat. Kathy raves that he "looked so good up on that game board," which is just a bizarre thing of which to be proud. Paschal wants to know what Pat's favorite food is, and Pat says he likes cheeseburgers. Neleh loves cheeseburgers, but then Neleh loves dirt, potato eyes, and monkey feces. Then Paschal wants to know his favorite dessert, and Pat answers that it's "tumbleweed." In a more emotive moment than any he's shown thus far in the episode, he enthusiastically describes a dessert comprised of strawberries, vanilla ice cream, and coconut. The S6 immediately start yelling and teasing him about the coconut, and Rob explains that Patrick just ruined the whole thing. He covers his face and asks, "What's your second favorite dessert?" Hee.
The morning of Day 32 finds Kathy and Patrick spooning. A discarded coconut husk looks on in dismay and then tries desperately to roll away. Patrick complains in a confessional that he slept badly because he was uncomfortable. Well, spooning with one's mother can do that. He's glad he'll have a bed to sleep in tonight. Kathy calls him "Pat-i-o," which probably doesn't embarrass him as much as it should, since his hands, at least, are clean. Kathy asks whether he really has to go home. He responds that he'd love to stay, but then corrects himself, "Actually no, I'm not interested in stayin' for another twenty-four hours." Kathy is confused that he doesn't like it there, because what teenager wouldn't love any and every opportunity to spoon or be spooned by a parent?
Now the drone of Peachy's voice...er, "boat" interrupts the peaceful scenery of Soliantu. Patrick scratches himself while Kathy cries because it's "weird" and "odd" that he "came and [he's] goin'." Pat hugs everyone goodbye, and they seem really fond of him. Or else they're happy to see him leave, because maybe Kathy will stop shrieking for ten full seconds once he's gone. Vecepia calls him a "great kid" and advises him to "be blessed." Kathy walks Pat to the boat, their arms around each other. Kathy thanks Pat for "stopping by," and then honks hysterically. Meanwhile, Vecepia grumbles to the others that it's a "nice taste of the life we left behind," and Paschal points out that it's also the life they're getting ready to see again. Kathy cries because her son is leaving, and then she cries some more because she doesn't know why she's crying. Pat tells Kathy to "be [her]self," though I'm sure the other members of the tribe are just wishing she'd be someone else. As the boat scoots off, Kathy yells, "Aw, you look so good!" And then she repeats, "You look really good." He yells, "You too," and it's probably the compliment she's been waiting for the whole time. Her last words to him are "Peace, baby, I love ya!" before Peachy motors up the boat and Kathy watches it tool away. In a confessional, Kathy tells us that she doesn't want to be depressed out there, so she's just going to come back into the game and finish it out. She says that her motto to Pat was always "finish what you started," so that's going to be her motto, too. She tells us that it's "very peculiar" in the Marquesas, and "stupid." She then tells us that Pat perceived the Survivor experience as "crazy," and she says she agrees with him. Still, she assures us, "I'll finish it."
Ominous clouds roll in as Kathy and Robert head off into the woods together. Robert tells Kathy that Sean and Vecepia are "a little pissy," and Kathy asks, "At each other? At us?" But not the more amusing "even more so than usual?" Robert says that Neleh is the target of their dislike, and that Sean said something to Robert about her yesterday; today, Vecepia told Robert he deserves to be there longer than Neleh does. In a confessional, Robert explains that he feels vulnerable because it "seems like" each member of the jury was part of his old alliance, and they're being "picked off one by one." "Seems like"? Still, he says that the game has many twists and turns, so you never really know what's going on. Kathy asks whether Robert thinks that Paschal and Neleh will be the final two, and Robert responds that it seems to be playing out that way. Kathy asks -- as if hypothetically -- whether he thinks there's a way to change it. Seriously, Kathy has steered the whole conversation as though it was hypothetical. She might as well have said, "Robert, I have this 'friend' who's stranded on a island with five strangers, and has the opportunity to vote one of them off. What should this 'friend' do?"
Meanwhile, Neleh is still stuck on how wonderful yesterday's experience was. She says that her mother was so happy and that she'll never forget the look on her face. But if she ever did forget that slack-jawed, half-wit, bug-eyed stare, she could just look in a mirror.
Now we see Sean's and Vecepia's feet walking through the woods. In a high-pitched voice, Sean snits, "I am so happy to be here. My mom came, and I am so happy that I -- He then digresses into a nonsense burbling of "er uh er uh erer uhuh"s. Sean complains that he didn't even get to see his mother, but I don't see how that's Neleh's fault. And that's saying a lot, because I think it's Neleh's fault when the drive-thru at McDonald's leaves the fries out of my Happy Meal. Vecepia either cries or laughs in response. In a confessional, Sean tells us that he and Vecepia feel like Neleh has been riding on Paschal's coattails, and has been "playing the girl--door role way way to the level." He then imitates her again: "You know, guys, this is so fantastic that we're here! You know, guys, I just love it when we sit out here! You know, guys, I'm always feelin' like I'm in Disneyland." Hee.
A bunch of little ants swarm on a bigger ant as we rejoin Kathy and Robert. Kathy points out that none of the others -- not even Paschal -- would be offended if they were voted out because of strategy. Kathy's "friend" seems to be gunning for Paschal, but Robert insists that he couldn't vote for Paschal over Neleh, which causes Kathy to respond quickly that her "friend" couldn't, either. Rob also adds that he couldn't vote for Paschal over Sean, but that makes perfect sense, seeing as they all hate Sean. Kathy agrees, but insists that Paschal is their strongest adversary.
We rejoin the blissfully unaware Neleh and Paschal. He points out that they're within a week of the end, and Neleh says that seeing her mother gave her the strength she needs to see the game through. She emphatically insists that there's no way "in the whole wide world" she's ready to lose, and that all the pretty pleases with sugar on tops in the universe couldn't make her give up now. Why would she give up this far along, anyway?
Meanwhile, the snarking continues between Sean and Vecepia, the latter of whom snipes, "You know, cute little Mormon girl, sweet little Mormon girl. That ain't got jack to do with this game." But clearly, obsessive Christianity does. Sean tells Vecepia that in order for them to reach the end, "[Neleh] got [sic] to go."
Kathy and Robert are also still on their Neleh-bashing hike; Kathy says Neleh "talks about it a lot," which surprises Robert. We don't hear what the "it" is, so go ahead and make your own assumptions about her great love of S&M, or her predilection for crapping in her pants. Robert says that Neleh plays more than he thinks she does, and Kathy...er Kathy's "friend" agrees.
Now Neleh is squealing about how much she loves the waterfall. As Vecepia and Sean approach through the woods, the sound carries. Sean snits, "There she go [sic] with the BS. I hear her loud mouth already. Disneyland!" Hee. Again.
Now the whole tribe is at the waterfall as Kathy tells us in voice-over yet again that she'd be voted out in a final three with Neleh and Paschal, or with Sean and Vecepia. She says that "theoretically, strategically," she should become a "unit" with Robert. Then Robert tells us that anything can happen, and that after yesterday's reward challenge, it's clear that the game runs the contestants through every "mental, emotional, and physical high and low there is." We at home, though, pretty much get all lows.
The S6 arrive at the challenge, where some hourglass-shaped structures await them, as do some pretty, spray-painted rocks. There's officially no clue for this challenge, so everyone go ahead and do your little happy dance, or point at God, or yell "Oh my heck!" or do whatever it is you do to express happiness and gratitude. Peachy hates to do it, but he has to take the necklace back from Robert. And who's he kidding? Taking back that idol every week is his big chance to shine. He explains that today's challenge will test the S6's proficiency with a slingshot. Each will have a color-coded, hourglass structure filled with sand, at the base of which is a tiki. He says that, on his command, they will each fire a rock at another tribe member's structure, and each time a tile is hit, sand will be released onto the tiki. "Once a person's tiki is completely covered, they're out of the game."
Peachy dramatically commands the S6 to "grab [their] rocks." Kathy hits one of Sean's tiles right away, but it barely releases any sand. Then Sean hits Robert's structure, and does a little bit of damage. Robert also gets a hit, but it's a big one, and sand pours over Paschal's tiki. Peachy thinks that might do it, and it does, so Paschal is out of the game.
, Vecepia's tiki takes a bit of a hit by Neleh, and then Kathy completely buries Sean. Neleh's tiki is still above ground, but Sean is out. Vecepia says, "Women rule this place. Let's do this!" and then appropriately buries Robert's tiki. Peachy says, "That's it, General. You're out." In more ways than one, as we all know by now. Robert slaps Kathy's butt with his slingshot on his way to the sidelines, but not nearly hard enough.
So now it's just Neleh, Vecepia, and Kathy, who celebrate their girl power. Kathy exclaims, "The chicks are in the final!" and starts wiggling her hips around and doing some more jazz hands. Neleh wiggles around, too, and Vecepia wants to do the "chick dance," which is borrowed from the Bangles. Also, "chick danc[ing]" evidently involves sticking out one's tongue. I'll have to remember that the time I hit a club. The men seem genuinely amused, and then Kathy jokingly snaps herself to attention: "Get serious!" Hee. Vecepia and Neleh hit each other, but Peachy concludes that "neither one covered a tiki." They then simultaneously double-team Kathy, causing Peachy to exclaim to Kathy, "Your tiki is completely covered."
So it's the final two. Aim, fire, and Neleh gets a hit on Vecepia. She squeals in victory, but it's not over yet. Then Vecepia hits one of Neleh's tiles, but no sand comes out. They take another shot at each other, and miss. Then miss again. I start to feel like we'll still be here week, when it's time to recap episode twelve. Down to two: they aim and fire and Neleh hits Vecepia's structure and squeals, but Vecepia's not out yet. Vecepia hits Neleh's, but no sand comes out, because it's from the top. Vecepia says, "Dang!" at one point, but not a single "Oh my heck" issues forth from Neleh. Now, they're both lined up in front of each other's tikis with perfect shots, causing Peachy to smarm, "Two big misses!" Then, just as the tikis are ready to bury themselves to get the waiting over with, Vecepia gets a little hit on Neleh that just manages to do the job. Neleh is confused and amazed to have lost, but Vecepia has no such hesitation. She starts wildly gesticulating and dancing around while shrieking ten times more obnoxiously than Kathy ever has. She yells, "Oh, give it to me! Thank you, Jesus!" Neleh hugs her but looks pissed, while Vecepia points at God.
It's now Day 33 at Soliantu, and a close-up shot reveals that Paschal has been decapitated, and that his head is now resting on a rock. Oh, wait, that's an old Marquesan skull. Robert washes himself and tells us again of his vulnerability. He says of his past alliance, "If it comes back to bite me, it comes back to bite me," and that at this point, he won't "change his fate" by begging or pleading with the others. He then reuses the line he used a few Tribal Councils back -- and why not? It's a good one: he came to the Marquesas with four things: pride, dignity, integrity, and a knapsack, and the only one of those four leaving in tatters is the knapsack. And now, he's got a fifth thing to take home with him: malaria. Well, "malaria" is not the word he uses; he goes with the more colloquial "friendships." Kathy and Robert hug, agreeing that they love each other. Then, in a confessional, Kathy tells us that Robert voted against them while his alliance was strong, so now it's his "turn to get chopped." Still, she says, the bond between Paschal and Neleh needs to be severed. This statement is accompanied, not by jazz hands, but by -- and this is as best as I can describe them -- severing motions. She tells us that Paschal and Neleh will understand her motives in voting one of them out.
As the tribe heads off on the difficult path to Tribal Council (the difficult path, that is, they're forced to walk between the Council area and where the limousine dropped them off), Neleh is wide-eyed and amazed as she explains that there's even a possibility that she -- the sweet, the pure, the wonderful, the blessed -- will be voted out if the others decide to join together against her and Paschal. She says that the game, at this point, could still twist in a lot of different ways, and you never know what could happen.
Peachy, Tribal Trill, jury. Tammy and John look good; Zoe, not so much, unless she's going for the "fell into a giant vat of cosmetics" look. Peachy explains that the jury will be "eavesdropping" and gathering information to determine which of the S6 will be the ultimate winner. He wants to start out by talking about "gamesmanship"; he singles out Kathy, asking how long it took her to discover that the S6 are all playing the game, but in different ways. He asks whether this realization has altered Kathy's perception of the others. Kathy answers that she came into the game confident that she would be able to "summarize everybody's motives" much sooner than she actually did. She says that 80% of the people were wearing masks she couldn't read, and she doesn't think the masks are totally off yet. She doesn't point out that Zoe is still wearing hers. Vecepia agrees that they all have yet to play their cards; this comment is accompanied with a shot of innocent, backwards Neleh, who is concerned because no one gave her any cards, which would have been fun, because she likes Go Fish. Vecepia believes that some people started the game late, and are now enjoying the ride while they wait to reveal their trump cards. She says that all she can do is expect the unexpected and "go for what you know." Peachy asks Robert to share his first impression of Vecepia . Robert says he thought she was a "very nice lady." He says they didn't talk much, but that she seemed nice, quiet, and easygoing. Today, he'd describe her as a strong player, but "definitely deceptive." He doesn't, however, call her the Deceptive Veceptive or anything like that. Sean tells Peachy that he definitely underestimated Neleh. He says she's playing the game more than any of the remaining S6, and he means that as a compliment, even though he doesn't know how she'll take it. Neleh smiles, because half-wits like to hear their own names, and also because Vecepia is braiding her hair, and braids are COOL! Sean says that Neleh is not the girl door even though she seems really sweet. Paschal then does a poor job of defending Neleh by saying, "She's twenty-one years old, and I promise you she's got as much intelligence and cunning as anybody sitting up here or sitting on the jury," which is really not saying very much. He adds, "You don't deceive this young girl, and if you do, you only do it one time," which sounds an awful lot like a threat to me. And really, it well may be: Neleh could do a number on her competitors with her scriptures and half-chewed mint candies. The superior jury looks amused to have their intellect questioned. Finally, it's Neleh's turn to "assess" herself. She says she fell through the cracks and was underestimated, because she wasn't outspoken and thus was unthreatening to the other players. But then she realized that she wouldn't make it past sixth place if she didn't speak up, so she did. She wants to make it to the end, because winners never quit and quitters never win! Vecepia says she isn't handing over the necklace because it's her first win and it feels so good. She says, "This baby is gonna stay with me tonight," and she'll see what happens in three days.
Now it's time for the voting. A stern-looking Robert is particularly jaw-thrusty. Neleh looks happy with her vote, most likely because she thinks she spelled someone's name right! Sean laughs, but we don't see what he's laughing about. In fact, we don't see a single vote.
Peachy heads off to tally, and we get the standard shots of the pensive S6. The first vote is for "General." The second is for Sean. The third vote is for "Rob," which Peachy clarifies as being the same as "the General," in case it's too much for Neleh to take in. The fourth and fifth votes are for Robert, and that's that. He doesn't appear to hug anyone on his way to the torch-snuffing, and sticks his jaw out defiantly (how else, really?) as he's cast out of the game. I could have just added "and sticks his jaw out defiantly" after every time I wrote Robert's name. Kathy purses her lips as Peachy points out that it's been an emotional few days. He tells them to keep their heads in it, because they've made it to the final five and it's anyone's game. Anyone's, that is, except Robert's.
week on Survivor, no one falls out of a tree, and someone gets voted out! Then, it's Final Four time, baby!
As the credits roll, we confirm that Robert voted for Sean, which seems like an odd move, considering every conversation we saw involved rants and plotting against Neleh. That aside, Robert's parting remarks do no justice to his most famous utterance. He goes on about having loved the experience, and tells us he'll be ready to do it again in six months. It seems rather like he actually thinks he will do it again in six months, and maybe he will. In Queens. Also, he has power on the jury. Got that? Power! So in order to do Robert and his experience on Survivor full justice, I will leave you with these, more remarkable words: he's the General, and that's that.