Boomewrong!

Last week on Survivor: the tribes merged at equal numbers and named themselves Barramundi because they're slippery when wet and because Rodger looks like Bruce Springsteen who lives door to Jon Bon Jovi at the Jersey shore. Keith won immunity and Jeff got chewed up and spit out after a deadlocked vote.

Peaceful music plays on Day 22. Colby sleeps in a hat with earflaps and his mouth wide open. Rodger and Alicia are up early. Rodger comments that it's a "sleeping bunch," and that Mike would have been up three hours before. He says every time he stokes the fire he thinks about "old Mike." Rodger then goes fishing and tells us that after the last Tribal Council he realized they'd been "outwitted" by Ogakor. He says, "We could be in an extinct tribe, no longer on the face of the earth." And as a metaphoric fish flops around he tells us, "I am in it to win just like anybody else," and that it's "one on one and every man for himself from here on out." He says he's going to try to keep catching fish because he doesn't think they'll vote off the person providing the food, as if that's a novel idea and not one Richard Hatch drilled into our heads repeatedly last season. As he catches another fish he hoots, "I love this fishin' hole!"

This episode seems stilted to me -- I have to get used to the new format, where we're not alternating between the two tribes.

Nick, hanging out on the beach, spots a crocodile and acts surprised. Maybe because it didn't roll off a log this time. Alicia tells us the game has definitely changed since the merge, and Nick tells Rodger that if he keeps catching the fish he'll be the last Kucha to go. We then cut to a shot of evil Jerri cackling, but it doesn't really look like she's in the same scene with them. Alicia tells us that Ogakor's in a good position to be in the last five, but since Kucha members will be the majority of the jury, they'd better "start steppin' up and bein' real nice to us." I guess fatalism is catching. Keith tells Rodger that he feels, when they're fishing together, like he's on a fishing trip with his older brother. Aw. If Rodger makes the final two, he's walking away with all nine of the jury votes. Plus, my vote and the billion other people who watch this show, except for the two forum posters who don't like him. I've got my eye on you two, by the way. Rodger tells us that everybody is "real nice," but he knows they're all plotting to win the million. Meanwhile Colby and Lamber play backgammon and Lamber says, "We are exactly where we wanna be," which means up Jerri's ass. Colby agrees that Ogakor "outplayed" Kucha, but the game's not over yet. Lamber says she feels like pressure has lifted and Colby agrees. Lamber then says "Jeez" over something backgammon-related.

In a confessional Keith tells us Ogakor played as a team that "stayed out a vision," and that if Kucha knows what Ogakor is doing they are "really good nice people." I want to know how Keith thinks Kucha should be acting if they know. Keith then says he's realized that he'd rather play on a team with some of the Kucha members than with some of the Ogakors. Duh. While they're fishing together we see Rodger tell Keith, "I'd say somebody in your old group is going to be a millionaire." And Keith pauses for a long time and tells Rodger not to count himself out yet. Keith tells us that he and Tina made the decision to be with people they really like at the end. We then cut to a shot of Elisabeth telling Tina that Rodger "has [her] heart" and that she loves him. I do too. Tina agrees, "He's a good one." I think so too. Tina then tells us in a confessional that there are people that are more deserving on the other team. I concur. She wants the contest to be "on a individual basis" and she wants the "good guys to win." Makes good sense to me. We all know what this is leading up to, right? Absolutely nothing. As much as I enjoy being hit over the head repeatedly with a fishing pole, I will not let Mark Burnett toy with my or your emotions. We then cut to a shot of evil Jerri pounding a stick into the ground. In her evil whispery voice she says she feels a lot of distance between herself and the former Ogakors. She tells us, "It's the paranoia again setting in," and takes a giant step in admitting the first of her multiple psychoses. She says she cannot be complacent and that "[your] back will be stabbed faster than [you] can spit." As Jerri talks about paranoia we continue to see her hacking away at Keith's head -- I mean, the post.

It's dusk at Barramundi and Tina tells us that there has always been a problem with the cooking of the rice. She says it "has to be cooked to Jerri's specifications," and that if it's imperfect "you catch it." I bet lots of things can be caught from Jerri. The tribe talks a bit about spices, including "parmesan pizza" which sounds like a strange spice to me. Alicia volunteers that the "lemon pepper is not great in the rice." Elisabeth tells us that as she stirred the rice, Jerri and Lamber watched her every move. We then see a shot of Jerri giving her evil glare of death-to-bad-ricemakers to Elisabeth. Lamber starts warning Elisabeth to be careful and is backseat cooking all over the place. Elisabeth is frustrated and tells us, "Jerri's over on her log" complaining that it's mushy. We then see Jerri saying it's "like potatoes," and Elisabeth says, "I know you don't like mushy. But it's mushy. And it will be mushy all over you if you don't shut your stinkin' piehole" except without that last sentence. Elisabeth tells us in a confessional that she feels like she's under a magnifying glass and announces, "Don't tell me what I'm supposed to be doing when I'm making you dinner. Don't!" Tina says that Jerri's comments hurt Elisabeth's feelings. We then see a peeved Tina cat to the group that, "I try to stay away from cooking so I don't have to be judged." Jerri cackles and then realizes Tina's talking about her. If my Rodger can't win, Tina, all soccer mom 'tude, is looking like a contender. Elisabeth tells us she's found some cracks in Ogakor and that there's "definite dissension" between Jerri and Tina. Back over dinner, one of the Kucha women announces that Rodger would like to say a blessing because I guess he can't just come right out and say it himself. Tina sounds out, sounding it out a bit like Corky from Life Goes On, "That's a good idea." Smoke starts coming out of Jerri's orifices while Rodger prays. Sadly, it's a short prayer so she doesn't turn into a pile of ashes. Elisabeth says that she's become aware that Ogakor is divided and that she's started to feel like she can lead Kucha to victory over Ogakor by being "a little more ruthless."

It's Day 23 at Barramundi, and Kucha is up at the crack of down while lazy Ogakor sleeps. Rodger says they're "settin' ducks now," and Alicia adds that it's not fun anymore. Seriously, they probably feel like morons after last week, and most likely Alicia is particularly upset to have lost her strongest ally in Jeff. Elisabeth says in a confessional that she'd "love to light a fire under everyone." But not literally, like Jerri. In this particular confessional, she's posed quite fetchingly in her little bandeau top. She tells the others that it makes her sick and that she's not going to just sit there and be picked off. She then spunks, "If no one else wants to keep playing I'll do whatever it takes!" Elisabeth tells Rodger and Alicia that she thinks there's a crack in the tribe already and that they should "pay attention" to Jerri and Tina. At which point Rodger jumps in and says, "You think it's gonna be the women versus the men?" Elisabeth then repeats, "Pay attention," again and at first I thought she was admonishing Rodger for being so out of it but then I realized she was just repeating herself for the slower folks in the tribe. Alicia adds that "Jerri does not love Keith," which is an interesting way of putting it. Elisabeth tells the others that she "honestly think[s]" Jerri is going to get votes from her own tribe. Alicia then says, "I'll tell you what. She definitely has the hots for Colby and he does not. At all. He just could not care less." Hee. Elisabeth says she's going to approach Keith and Tina and try to get them to "come with us." Rodger Gump says, "Whatever happens will be fun," and that Ogakor and Kucha are like peas and carrots. Alicia tells us in a confessional that although Elisabeth appears to be "meek and mild," she is a "serious competitor" and a "force to be reckoned with." We then see Rodger and Alicia watching with their plotty faces as Elisabeth chats up Tina and Keith.

As we see a shot of Elisabeth and Tina bonding by the river bank, Elisabeth grinningly tells us that she and Tina have become "close, Outback close," and that "Outback close is close enough to let you advance ahead of the person you're trying to get close to," and that Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Elisabeth bitches to Tina about Jerri and says, "I don't know how you dealt with her that long in your tribe?" as her voice escalates into a frustrated whine. Tina calls Elisabeth "sister" and says that Jerri "will get hers" and that "it's coming." Elisabeth tells us that Tina and Keith are trying to get votes for Jerri. She then says, "I don't know if I'm just a dumb optimist or just in denial but I think Jerri is ready to go." We then see a shot of the Long-Nosed Jerricoot. Elisabeth, both dumb optimist and in denial, is very giggly and excited about her ill-fated plan.

Rodger and Tina check for a clue and Tina's excited that it's "colorful mail." They receive two brightly painted boomerangs with clues written on them. Ding! Ding! Ding! Finally, someone has come up with a challenge that actually has something to do with the locale and doesn't have the competitors playing Kick the Can or Hula Hooping. The clue is about "catch[ing] the return" and suggests that breakfast is the reward. Rodger tells the others that his momma always said they'd have to throw it and catch it "without gettin' hooked in the teeth." The S9 snicker and look disbelieving as they determine they're supposed to compete in a challenge that might actually require a useful skill-set. But we should all know by now that the clue has actual little to do with the challenge.