The Merge

It's night-vision time on Day 18 at Kucha camp where the team sits around glowing in the dark and discussing the upcoming merge. Alicia says that Ogakor has been "granted a gift" with Mike's evacuation. The team agrees that Ogakor knew they were going to be voted off one by one if Kucha merged ahead. Elisabeth then tells the others that they have loyalty to each other but not to the other tribe. In a confessional, Jeff says they've talked about strategy "ever since Mike got hurt." Since Mike got hurt on Day 18, this means they've been planning their strategy for less than a day. Jeff then tells us that the last thing Mike said to them was that "somebody from Kucha needs to take this money" and that regardless of what happens they need to -- ALL TOGETHER NOW -- "Eat 'em up and spit 'em out." Alicia says it's going to get ugly and the tribe agrees it will be crucial to win the first vote. Actually, Nick says they have to win the first vote, and everyone else agrees with him. Rodger, who was not born to run, then pats Nick on the shoulder and calls him "son." Aw. Elisabeth says she'll first vote for Colby then Jerri. The others agree. Jeff tells them he was talking to Jerri during one of the challenges and the conversation revealed that she was a "shrewd woman," and at first I thought he said "shrew woman" which is the more satisfying description. Jeff tells us that Kucha needs to find Ogakor's weak link in order to sway the vote in their favor. There's so much more strategizing this time around -- or at least so much more being shown to us! Alicia says that Tina won't turn on her team and everyone agrees. No one says she's a star or a constellation. No one compares Tina to any sort of astrological phenomenon at all. Jeff says that Keith is the most likely to turn on his tribe and then someone suggests that Lamber might be vulnerable as well. Alicia then tells the others that she and Nick are going to be targeted by Ogakor in the vote. Since the strong leader types are the usual targets, it's an assumptive thing to say. Elisabeth then says, "See, I think they'll be voting for me," because she's so cutely threatening. Jeff shuts them all up when he says that Ogakor will vote for him because Kimmi told Tina in one of the first challenges that Debb voted against him. Jeff then clears up some forum speculation by revealing that both teams were informed about the "deadlocked" rule. Nick says he thinks the other team might not remember that rule because he forgot all about it. Jeff says it's "never left [his] mind." It's probably never left Mitchell's mind either.

As proof that Mark Burnett is a fucker, we find out that the Ogakor tribe, after receiving the "there has been an accident at the Kucha camp" announcement, was never told what happened. They've just been sitting around wondering, and why ever would Mark Burnett do that to them except because, as I explained earlier, he's a fucker? Someone took the time to calligraphy the announcement on parchment paper but no one could bother to stop by to tell them that the injured Kucha member was okay? Colby tells us it "seem[s] like there's at least nineteen to twenty hours of daylight" because the days run so long. Lamber unconvincingly says she hopes whoever was evacuated will be able to return. She can wish that Mike is one hundred percent healthy all she wants, but wishing for his return is like wishing to lose a million dollars. Colby says the worst part about the situation "is waiting around for information." Tina then says it's like waiting around for a phone call from the hospital when they say, "Oh, we've got him here but can't tell you what's wrong." Do you think those kinds of phone calls happen often? Jerri wonders aloud if Rodger had a stroke and Tina gasps and says, "Jerri!" as if Jerri caused the stroke to happen and wasn't just speculating about it, and also as Tina hadn't already thought about that possibility. Colby again tells us that they don't know anything about the merger or Kucha's injured member, and also that they don't "know very much at all," which would still be true if they had a hundred-page analysis of the forthcoming merger and Mike's medical charts.

Lamber run-walks to get the clue, wearing a supportive shirt this time. The clue says it's "Boys Night Out," and Lamber, in her weird Beaver accent, talks it through to her tribe and determines that the Ogakor men will head to Kucha while the women remain behind and cook dinner for the visiting Kucha tribe members. Actually, the clue explicitly says that, but Lamber feels the need to talk it out anyway. Jerri immediately perks up and says, "Should we make a --" and we all know "tortilla" is the word, but the others just ignore her and her voice tapers out. Hee. Keith and Colby party like it's 1999 and Colby says he'd "better iron a shirt!" They keep saying "life is good" and that it's going to be a "night on the town." Keith explains what "the merge" is to us in case we've been living in a bomb shelter for the past year and a half. Colby asks Tina if she's going to catch "the kids" some fish while they're gone. Really, Jerri is not that much younger than Tina. Thirty my ass. Tina tells us that she's not sure how they'll decide which camp to inhabit. Keith tells us he hopes they'll get "a real great take on the guys in their tribe and where things lie." Tina further proves the excess strategizing going on this season when she tells us that it's important for them to get information now about who has had votes cast against them because they know it's coming down to a 5-5 tie. Colby then says they have to be "totally silent" on who has had any votes. Jerri says, "We have a lot at stake," but we know she means "I" because she has votes. Looking very haggard in a confessional she tells us that if Kucha targets her or Keith, Ogakor will be done for. I'm not seeing the problem.

At Kucha, Elisabeth and Alicia grin at each other while they check the clue. It must be cold because they're in their woolies. A little peak of the clue reveals that it says, "Girls Night Out." Tricky, tricky, that fucker Mark Burnett. Elisabeth exerts herself at the clue reading. Part of the clue reads, "The women will go visit," and Elisabeth hits Alicia and looks very excited about that. Jeff figures out that, "They're keeping the chicks apart" and they all exclaim that it's so sneaky to keep the girls separated. They don't seem to care that the boys will be separated too. Not that it matters since it's just a big trick anyway. Nick tells us that Kucha has a really nice camp, and they'd like to have the "home turf advantage" and remain there. Jeff, because there hasn't been dissension in five whole seconds, comments, "If we're responsible for the dinner then those girls are eatin' much better than y'all are" to Elisabeth and Alicia. Alicia says, "Wait a minute," and goes back to the clue because I guess they missed the dinner part the first time around. Alicia and Elisabeth beg for the Mountain Dew. Mmmmmwarm Mountain Dew -- my head feels like it might split apart just thinking of it. And then the Kucha men reveal that not only can't the girls do the Dew, but they will also miss the serving of the one remaining chicken, Polly or Ruby or Henrietta. Rodger tells them, "We'll let you know how it was" of the chicken, and grins. Hee. Elisabeth says they need to bring a housewarming gift to Kucha but Nick insists, "There's more of them to woo." Elisabeth, very cutely frustrated, responds, "Woo Woo Woo Woo them." Alicia stomps off while waving her finger in no one's face. Jeff keeps cackling. Elisabeth tells us that "eating plain rice with Keith and Colby" is for the betterment of the team. I really don't think it's the eating with Colby part that's bothering her.

As they hike through the Outback, Elisabeth says she'll miss their "Kucha spices." Maybe they should have brought some with them. Just a thought. Alicia tells us the two of them felt "really strange" walking away from camp alone, and that their bond will eventually change the game because "it's a big open book and we gotta write the rest of the pages that go in it." I hope they write all about my sweet Rodger. As Alicia says this, we see shots of Elisabeth and Alicia holding hands and singing, "Wanna Be" by the Spice Girls. Okay, so there's no singing, but there's some major girl power going on here. Alicia would make a great Sassy Spice.

We see shoe-cam shots of Keith and Colby trekking through the jungle. Ah, the much-heralded shoe-cam. I was watching an early episode of over the weekend and counted two shoe-cam shots -- one of Brenda's Keds and white puffy socks while she's walking down the pavement after Mondale runs out of gas, and one of Brandon's black hi-tops stepping on to the basketball court in a one-man effort to improve race relations in Los Angeles. You know you're seeing fine camerawork when the same techniques are employed by the fine professionals on . Colby tells us he's curious about the Kucha camp. We then see Elisabeth tell Alicia she's curious about Ogakor. I think we're supposed to think it's cool that they both feel the same way.

On the edge of the Ogakor camp, as Elisabeth and Alicia approach, Tina says in her cheeriest soccer-mom voice, "Fi Fo Fo Foo. I smell the blood of a Kucha tribe!" as if that's funny and not her fantasizing about beating on some Kucha. Lamber looks confused as the Ogakor ladies, who were expecting the Kucha men, greet the Kucha women. Alicia says it's funny because the boys were expecting the Ogakor girls, and the Ogakor girls cheer and laugh and don't happen to mention that they, too, were mislead. Alicia says the boys were laying out the tablecloths for the Ogakor girls and Elisabeth repeats "tablecloths" like she thinks she's Lamber. Ogakor tells Kucha that they weren't told what happened with the injury. Elisabeth tells Ogakor they need to "sit down for this one" and Alicia adds, "It's a big deal." In a confessional Elisabeth tells us, "It was good to hear that they were worried and hoping everything and praying everything was okay with Mike." We then see Alicia and Elisabeth explaining to Ogakor that Mike fell into the fire and that his skin was hanging off. Tina earnestly asks if they've had any news of his condition and Alicia answers that he's going to be okay. Well I for one am glad to know. Tina is too, as she tells us she's "glad to know it's not one of those things that's life threatening." One of those pesky little things. Alicia tells Ogakor that they were "praying and a mess." Jerri then says in a confessional that when they found out the day earlier, they didn't know whether to "celebrate or feel bad." We then cut to a clip of Alicia saying that "whatever takes you out of the game takes you out of the game," and that Mike is officially the sixth person to leave. Tina then tells us that it's now a tie ballgame and they're "goin' into overtime."

The Ogakor men approach the Kucha camp in Just Peachy outfits. The cameras include a shot of Keith taking a digger and trying to cover it up while Colby walks calmly ahead. Jeff is surprised to see the Ogakor men and asks what their note said. Ogakor explains that they were tricked too, and they all have a good chuckle except Rodger Gump who a beat later exclaims, "We were expecting the women over here!" Colby says he didn't even bring a skirt. In a confessional Colby tells us that the Kucha men were disappointed, and that they were ready to "wine and dine the women of Ogakor." He says he was looking forward to being cooked for by the girls, and I don't get all this girls-should-be-doing-the-cooking stuff -- Keith is the master chef. Keith then says they had a great time, and that they're "kinda like soldiers in the field that are putting the weapons down for a while." Keith points out that the Kuchas have, in the past, called their camp "Camp Carnage" but it looks pretty "plush" to him. Maybe they meant "Camp Carnage" as in the "We Slaughter Baby Pigs" sense. Meanwhile we see that there are indeed tablecloths and napkins. Jeff says through a split in a tree, "All I saw from Colby were teeth," and that Keith seemed "like a little puppy trailing behind him." I wonder what he'd think of Lamber. The Kuchas tells the Ogakors that they saved them a chicken, which the Ogakors don't believe at first. And then Keith gets excited because someone is actually going to let him cook something! Keith tells us in the confessional that saving the chicken was a "real gentlemen thing to do," but how does he know it wasn't the ladies' idea? Would he then say it was a very lady-like thing to do?

Jeff talks to Rodger while they butcher the chicken and says that there's a "Survivor twist to everything" and the old switcheroo "got [them] again." He then reiterates that he was expecting women, and that he and Nick and Rodger were "gonna lather 'em up and go pick 'em flowers." We get a close-up on the chicken-plucking as he says this, which makes me think there's some corollary the editors want us to make. I don't. Jeff says that the Ogakors are "nice guys" and that he gets the feeling Keith is an outsider. That feeling probably came straight from Jerri's mouth. Kucha is busting out all the stops and prepares some chicken feed for their guests. They then enforce Mike's "take one bite and pass it around" method, even though there appears to be plenty for each of them to have their own piece. Or two. Keith wants to pass in the other direction because he keeps getting stuck with Colby's bones. In a confessional Keith tells us it was a good evening and wistfully tells us, "I get caught up in the friendship thing quite easily." Rodger says that although the chicken was tough, it was "still a good chicken." In a voice-over Rodger then says, "I know everybody's nicey-nicey now," but things will change. He's sure "there'll be some times when things won't be so nice around here." Like when Jerri gets within fifty feet of the place.

At Ogakor, it's raining and Jerri tries to cover the fire because, as she announces, their only matches are in Keith's pocket. The others ask if she's sure that Keith has the matches, and of course she's sure because she put them there herself when his back was turned! She then tries to act like she's defending Keith but it's pretty obvious to me she's setting him up. I'm not sure why it's such a big deal in any case because they already have a fire. In a confessional Jerri tries to act like a noble person as she tells us that she doesn't want to talk about Keith in front of their "guests" because they'll figure out that votes have been placed against him. We then see Jerri telling the others that Keith could have prevented them from eating. Tina tells us in a confessional that she's sure Keith didn't take the matches purposely, and then says it's in Jerri's best interest not to show a "hateful side," except Jerri is just one big hateful side. Now Jerri is making a tortilla and saying that they usually look better. Keith probably did something to it. She tells us in a confessional, "We decided that I was going to make my famous tortilla!" I have no idea how she goes on about the damn tortillas with a straight face. It's tortilla this and tortilla that. I don't think anyone else gives a holy hoot about the tortillas. Ogakor also opens a can of tomatoes, and who knew they had those? The Kucha women start talking about how the men are getting chicken and Jerri looks pissed that they're not bowing before the almighty tortilla. Lamber is upset because she doesn't have more to offer the visiting tribe, like some meator a personality. Alicia is honored that Ogakor has opened a can for them. She says she can't wait to get Ogakor back to their camp and "give them something to eat" even though she originally thought she'd never want to share. Jerri and Alicia talk about how they'd both love a hot dog, and then Alicia tells us in a confessional that they've talked about food nineteen hours out of the twenty. Jerri cackles and tells Alicia her favorite food is hot fudge. Tina likes Dove chocolates, except it takes me about two days and ten replays to figure out what she said. Jerri is pissed that she didn't know they came out with vanilla tootsie rolls.

Jerri and Lamber converse by the water, and have determined that Kucha camp is a good option because they have plenty of firewood. Because we knew all about that being an issue for Ogakor, up to date. Jerri is "stoked" to go to Kucha's camp. Joanna is "stoked" to send Jerri a copy of the English dictionary on her return. Tina checks the mail and finds a clue with a map, which announces they need to pack all they can and that the canoe must stay behind. They assume they're moving to Kucha until they look at the map and discover they're headed to a completely new area.

At the Kucha camp, the men read the clue and Keith advises everyone to take their own matches. He says he has his own. So if each person has his/her own matches, then why was Jerri fussing over Keith taking what belonged to him? It's not Keith's fault if she squandered her own matchbook trying to light her team members on fire while they slept. She also managed to omit the fact that Colby, too, had a set of matches. Rodger tells us he was a little angry about being rushed. Keith doesn't want to leave the Kucha camp. All the men agree that they were liking the Kucha camp.

Both groups hike to the new camp, which looks like a pretty awesome beach to me. Elisabeth does some Middle Eastern chanting. Jeff says "Hey, baby" in his Austin powers voice or maybe that's his own voice, it's difficult to say. Suddenly they're all in the water and Rodger is hanging onto something and floating on it for dear life. We then see there's a crate on the beach, and Jeff thinks it looks like a picnic. Tina hears the word picnic and hustles over, asking if there are any Dureet Toes. She really does. Lamber reads the clue, which tells them to make a new flag and pick a name. The last line is, "Here's a toast to your efforts and the second half of the game," and Lamber messes up her inflection while reading and emphasizes the "second half" part instead of the "here's a toast" part, and then realizes that she sounds silly and her voice cuts away. If Jerri had just read it first, Lamber could have practiced getting the inflection just right. As mambo music plays they all start digging into crackers and cheeses and what looks like figs and this monstrous berry plate on a pedestal. Nick tells us he's irritated that everyone just dug in and that the girls just started "yappin' and screamin' and I was like, oh, I had to back up." Elisabeth is crying, running in place, and yelling about cheese. Tina tells the group she's never had wine in her life and that she may get drunk. How is it possible that she's never had wine? Jerri says she hasn't been so excited since she was little -- so maybe that explains a bit about Jerri's pitiful life. They all continue to pig out and drink wine. The cameramen like to get right up in their faces as they stuff them, which grosses me out. Lamber thinks it's "so great" because she's being served. Then the festive mood breaks as Jeff tells us in a confessional that he saw Colby and Jerri walking off and whispering, and that he also saw Keith and Colby whispering and pointing at Kucha tribe members. He says he thought they were getting along well, "and it started. We weren't together fifteen minutes and it started."