Survivor TV Show - Suspicion - Survivor Recaps, Survivor Reviews, Survivor Episodes | TWoP

Recapped by Joanna · Aired 2001-1-001

We then visit Kel in the canoe. He tells us that the "food strategy" at this point is rice, and that he doesn't think it will last longer than ten days. Keith, who has been missing his usual visits from Ms. Clairol over the past four days, says, "Our plan for getting food is, uh, we don't have a good plan, actually." We then see Keith lying face down in a foot of water looking around for fish. He seems surprised that they're not finding any, even though the Ogacorps are all within a five-foot space and are flopping around and splashing each other, which I'm sure brings those fish running. Er, swimming. Mitchell tells us that it's wasted energy to fish, since obviously there are none; then the camera shows us lots and lots of fish. Back to Kel, who tells us he has some hooks from the crate they salvaged, but no fishing line, so he has to use twine, which he braids and to which he ties a rock so that it doesn't float. Colby tells us that "Kel's done a little bit of fishing which just...I mean, come on, the guy couldn't fish a rubber ducky out of a bathtub." Colby then criticizes Kel's bait choices and the fishing line, claiming that he's "just going about it the wrong way." Colby chooses not to share with the others -- nor with us -- his knowledge of the right way. ["Where's Superpole 2000 when you need it?" -- Wing Chun] We see lots of shots of an earnest Kel, and he tells us in an interview that he's been "trying and trying," and that he'll keep on trying until he finds a method that works. Jerri says she hopes more than anyone that they'll have a "seafood buffet," but that Kel is "not a fisherman, obviously," and that "he should keep his day job." Jerri should get rid of her day job since no one will ever want to work with her again after she's proven to be such a bitch, but then, she's an actress, so maybe they're used to that kind of crap in Hollywood.

By Joanna

At Kucha, Alicia tells Jeff "this is big"; they check the mail and find the reward challenge. Although I'm not sure why it's "big" since they haven't read the clue yet. Usually I spare the reader and myself the annoyance of repeating the clue, but for the sake of the recap, I will. The clue reads, "A leap of faith is not for the skilled / Just jump off the edge and try not to get killed. / Like Sundance and Butch you'll jump from a cliff. / Count on your friends while you're set adrift," which seems fairly self-explanatory. Kucha takes about five minutes to figure out the clue involves jumping off something, and then another five minutes debating what they might be jumping into, as if the answer might be a pyramid of bricks or a pile of Twinkies. Rodger determines that they'll be jumping off a cliff "into some water," and makes a funny face expressing his concern. He then tells us in an interview that "water is not [his] finest point," but that "if everyone else is doing it, so can I." Jeff says he's "iffy" about it, but I think Jeff's just iffy in general. Rodger tells us that he learned to swim just for Survivor, which is what Gervase did as well, and I really can't figure out why they didn't learn to swim better while they were making the effort. ["And what the hell adult doesn't know how to swim?!" -- Wing Chun] As much as I hate to criticize Rodger for anything at all, it's a point that needs to be made. Rodger takes this time also to tell us that he never liked the ferris wheel "at the fairs," either, and I wish he'd just chosen to stay home contentedly on his farm and read scripture in front of the fire with a grandchild on each knee and his wife cooking up strawberry shortcake, and then I get to wondering why he's there in the first place, and come to some sad-sack conclusion about him losing his farm or needing a kidney for little Bobbie Sue or something like that and get myself all worked up for absolutely no reason.

The score from Superman: Back in the Saddle plays in the background as the teams head off to the challenge. There's some pretty awe-inspiring scenery here as the S15 stand on a cliff from which a bunch of other cliffs are visible, all with very blue water running beneath them. Peachy appears and happily tells the S15 that the prize is two blankets, which will come in handy during the "rainy season," which of course it currently is. One survivor from each team will jump from a cliff (into water -- not to mention into the outstretched arms of a non-aboriginal lifeguard) and swim out to an anchored crate. The survivor can jump from the cliff and swim to the crate only when his/her prior teammate has reached it. When they've all reached the crate, they must untether it, and swim through rapids to get the crate to shore. It's never explained how they deal with the fact that Ogakor has an extra member. It also doesn't make sense why they wouldn't all just go at once, since it's the same thing -- they'd still just be waiting on the slowest person. But I guess it's more suspenseful this way.

By Joanna

Jerri and Mike go first, and they're both pretty decent swimmers. And you can only imagine how difficult it is for me to say a moderately decent word about Jerri. We don't really see much of the other survivors' swimming skills, except a bit of Elisabeth, who does the cutest little chicken arms and looks all of two years old. Or like some kind of poor, soaked little animal, perhaps a bunny or kitten. Finally it's Rodger's turn, which is what this has all been leading up to. He jumps in and surfaces, looking horrified and scared. Of all people, Elizabeth swims out to coach him on. It's like the blind leading the blind. Or the drowning leading the drowning. The way this is edited gives us no chance to see how long it really takes him, but it can't be that bad, since they're not ridiculously behind Ogakor, although they do have an extra person. Maybe. It's also edited to make it look as if Rodger deliberated over jumping after his teammate had touched the crate, and thus wasted a lot of time, but I can't confirm this from the editing. Ogakor leads pretty much the whole time, but Kucha forges on. All the competitors look exhausted, and as Kucha rises from the water, we see that one obscured survivor holds back to check on Rodger. I rewind and fast-forward about five times to determine who I should suddenly love. It's Kimmi. That's my girl. Ogakor places their crate on the winning platform, and of course Jerri climbs on top of it to grab the spotlight. Alicia comes second place in my point system by telling Rodger, "You swam more than you ever swam in your life." Rodger should have brought a pair of water wings as his luxury item. He really cannot swim. He just bobbed around and looked terrified. I called my husband during the commercial break after this, traumatized as I was by watching an elderly man being dragged facedown through rapids. Who needs blankets? All I need is some Rodger to keep myself warm. Just kidding, people.

By Joanna

At Ogakor, they complain that they can't sleep, so I guess the blankets weren't worth practically drowning for. Cranky Dog says, in her fabulous weathered voice, that "all it takes is one small mound to make the ground really screw with your body." Tina tells us that, despite the lack of food and rest, "this is the game we signed up to play." You'd think the others might realize that, too, and quit their whining. Amber speaks! And diplomatically so. She tells us that she doesn't doubt Keith's cooking skills, but "it might be that he's adding maybe too much water to the rice," which sounds like doubting to me. We see close-ups of the rice: it looks wet, and brownish, and pretty much like what they had last season on Pulau Tiga. Tina says it's "pasty and tastes like glue," and then makes a "blech, blech" imitation puking kind of gesture. We'll see the real thing later on. She says that the rice is so bad she can't eat it, which means it's either the most offensive rice ever, or they're just being a bunch of wussies. As I said earlier, I've made my batch of soggy rice, my batch of burnt rice, my batch of uncooked rice, but it's all pretty much edible. And I've never been starving. Jerri squats in her cesspool...I mean, "in the family whirlpool," and yells, "It doesn't make sense!" as if she's deduced that Keith is intentionally messing up the rice. She wonders, "How could a great chef not know how to make rice?" Jerri has stuffed her hair into a black hat and it looks cute, it pains me to say. She then tells us, "I remembered that, with flour and water, you could create a sort of dough." No! Dough from flour and water? you'll tell me you can boil an egg by dropping it in hot water! And we then see her kneading a little ball of dough.

Keith decides to go on a mission for wood, since he's not needed in the kitchen, which seems more reasonable than standing around watching Jerri pat herself on the back and say, "You go girl!" to herself over and over again. Jerri tells us that Keith is "threatened by [her] tortilla," and that she heard him talking about what he'll do with the rice and vegetables, adding, "You know, you just have to laugh." And then we hear her say, "You just have to laugh," directly to Amber, who appears to be on of her winged monkey henchmen. Jerri is just the worst girl from your seventh-grade class. Keith does appear to be bothered by having his one skill denied, but he's trying to make the best of it. He tells us, "It's hard physical labor to come up here and grab all these big logs and stuff and throw 'em down," as we see him casually chucking twigs over the edge of the cliff. He then says, "No worries, mate," and the introduction of the word "mate" into one's vocabulary seems like great cause for worry to me. If I were Keith, I'd be more humiliated by the luxury-item paella pan than by anything else. Jerri unconvincingly tells us that she felt bad about taking over Keith's job, but that she knew "it was time for somebody to come in and take charge, and change the food situation." She's painfully proud of her tortilla, or maybe she's just plugging for a Chi Chi's gig when this is through. In a commercial or as a waitress, she's not choosy. Amber takes a little bite of the tortilla and explains that she loves it and it's delicious. I have one word for Amber, and it's "bah." As in, the noise a sheep makes. The tortilla is about the size of my palm, and Jerri has sectioned if off into eight pieces. So basically, they each get a slice of tortilla smaller than a baby carrot, and they still all ooh and aah over it. Tina tells us that she feels bad for Keith, and that it's "a slap in the face for him," but that "Jerri's gonna take that job over." Meanwhile, Jerri dispenses the tortilla and humbly refers to it as "today's communion." Keith tries to be the bigger person and says that "the finest restaurants in the world couldn't have made those," and Jerri takes that opportunity to rub a bunch of sour grapes in Keith's wounds, telling us that he's going "out of his way to compliment [her] a lot now," and that she could "see right through it," although I don't understand what she's seeing when she sees through it. ["Me neither. She seems to be looking for slights where none exist." -- Wing Chun] Jerri then tells us that "the morale right now is kind of low. But I think the tortilla made everybody spark up. So I'm really stoked about that." I can't even begin on the word "stoked." Does she think she's Bill or Ted?

By Joanna

A dingo! I've been waiting for a dingo!

At Kucha, Michael tells us that he wants to provide food because he believes that it's the only way he'll make the merger, and he may be right. He also says he doesn't want to be a leader, just "the food guy." Michael returns to camp with a pretty big catch, and Kimmi says, "It looks like you just went to the fish market." Alicia goes into personal-trainer mode and shouts, "Who's better than you right now? There's no one I can think of," which cracks me up. Jealous Jeff tells us that Michael needs "trumpets to blare and angels that sing," and that everybody has to sit around and hold his hands and watch him carve the catch. Which I think is a figure of speech until we flash to the scene where everyone is sitting around, holding hands and watching Michael carve the catch. Michael's attempt at "prayer" is the following: "Dear God: You know I said a lot of prayers today, and you answered them with fish for us, and I'm so happy to be able to provide fish for the troops." Which could have been just fine, but no; he continues, "I know that this could easily get turned around in some way to make me be the leader of the tribe, but this is real, it's from the bottom of my heart: it makes me to happy to be able to provide for everybody. So. That's that." Elisabeth's face is priceless during the "But Mom said I could be the leader of the tribe!" part of Michael's speech. Kimmi tells us that "Mike thanked God for making him the leader of the tribe," and that she doesn't know when or by whom he was anointed, but that her back must have been turned at that time. Mike takes a bite of the fish and has an orgasm. And although there's definitely enough for each Kucha member to take sufficient chunk of fish and eat on his own, he makes them all pass it around in a circle, taking one bite at a time. Rodger says that Michael "does like to be in the limelight," but that as long as he's catching fish, it will be difficult to "knock him off." Alicia tells us in an interview, "I'm telling you now that there are people in this tribe who want to vote him off already." We then see Michael cluelessly stuffing his face. The sky here is amazing, and it passes really quickly. Oh right, that's just tricky and manipulative camera work to make something that is lovely of its own accord look lovelier by some stupid American "everything that is faster is better" standard.

By Joanna

At Ogakor, Maralyn tells us that she's very upset. We see Jerri doing a photo shoot in the tent, with her bathing suit top unzipped and her bottoms pulled down as low as they'll go. No wonder Mitchell can't see through her -- he's never been this close to a nearly naked girl before. Disappointed Dog tells us that Jerri says she "saw Kel chewing a brown substance, what she thought was beef jerky." Jerri then tells us that she saw a "like, dark brown-colored shredded-looking kind of thing," which is obviously beef jerky, since there's nothing else that's brown and shredded-looking in nature. Mitchell repeats what we've just been told, and says he believes Jerri because she's prettier than Kel. Jerri then says that she "guarantees" it was beef jerky, which just proves she's completely willing to be dishonest since she wasn't positive ten minutes before. Then everyone in the tribe chimes in and says they saw Kel chewing, which I wasn't aware was a crime. Jerri says that "the rest of [them] are starving," and "to think that someone on our own tribe would be, you know, sneaking in their own stuff. Especially food." Her feet are fidgeting and going crazy at this point, and they look like the feet of a liar to me. Maralyn then tells us that the others went through Kel's things on a jerky hunt, and we see that this group -- led by Jerri -- also included Amber and Tina. Tina tells us, "It was a big feeding frenzy, you know," which sounds like it's leading up to some admission of guilt, but it's not. Instead she continues, "Kel's got beef jerky, and look in his bag real quick, and I was standin' right there and I did it, and there wasn't anything in there at all," and it totally sounds like she was happy to be part of the lynch mob, and just upset that they didn't find anything.

By Joanna

Conscience Dog then tells us that Kel overheard the whole thing and came back down from wherever he was, in order to confront the others. We see Kel march straight into the tent and squat in front of Jerri. This whole exchange is just weird. Kel seems a little smug; Jerri is completely rude -- it's impossible to tell what really happened, and it pisses me off. Kel says he was just chewing on grass. Jerri questions why he pulled the grass out of his pocket, and Tina wants to know how he knew it wasn't poisonous. Whether or not he did smuggle the beef jerky (or jerked the beef, as the New York Post has accused), I have no idea why he allows himself to suffer this inquisition at the hands of Jerri and flying pretties. They don't even listen to his apology, and Jerri grins and snickers through the whole thing. Keith earnestly thanks Kel for coming to them and explaining; Jerri just continues her snarking. Kel says he thinks the accusation was comical, and then Jerri says she thinks it was comical, and they go back and forth awhile over who can say "it's comical" last. I then lose all respect for Kel when he offers Jerri a razor for any reason other than to slit her throat. He says he's been meaning to give the girls one of his three razors so that they can shave with it. Jerri tells us that this as an admission of guilt, but she still takes him up on the offer. The camera then scans up Jerri's clean-shaven legs. Kel leaves, and Maralyn tells the camera that their actions were "totally inappropriate. It was wrong. Nobody had any right to go into Kel's bag." She approaches Jerri and says it "would be very big of us to apologize"; Jerri refuses. So Peeved Dog leaves and tells the camera, "Gee whiz. Four days. Things are really heating up at our encampment." And I do like anyone who uses the expression "gee whiz."

By Joanna

Alicia has lots of outfits. She checks the mail (they don't call it "treemail" anymore) and finds a clue that includes the words, "Rubba dub dub / Thank God for the grub." So I guess they're not thanking Michael anymore. There's a big exchange over the grub-eating. Kimmi announces that she's a vegetarian: "I don't eat land-dwelling animals. I'm not eating amphibian; I'm not eating reptile; I'm not eating mammal; I'm not eating fowl." Alicia tells us that Kimmi isn't going to compromise her morals, but that "coming into a game like this, you can't come in with a whole list of things you're not gonna do, you're not gonna eat, because you're not helping your tribe -- you're not helping your team morale." But it does seem to me that this is Kimmi's choice; it's Kucha's choice as to whether or not they'll vote her off as a result. Michael says that if Rodger could jump off a cliff and swim, Kimmi should be able to do this. Kimmi does seem really torn, and far more earnest than Amaya did in theReal World/Road Rules Challengeepisode where she refused to bob for pig's feet because it wasn't kosher, even though she'd eaten a bacon, egg and cheese biscuit for breakfast that morning and shrimp at dinner the night before. Kimmi tells us she knows she's disappointing the others, and that she now has no reason not to be voted off.

As Kucha prepares to head off to the challenge, Elisabeth wigs out again. (See what I just did there?) I've been informed by several people that Elisabeth's rasta hat is actually her own personal immunity headdress -- which has proven its uselessness, since Kucha's already been to tribal council. We see some squirming ants and oh, how I've missed those; they're bigger and redder than last season.

Both teams show up at the immunity challenge (with Jerri looking particularly primped), and Peachy says they have before them the "finest samplings of true aboriginal food," which is called "bush tucker." If you substitute one letter in "bush tucker," you get the Post's accusation about Kel. Basically, there are different "delicacies" placed around a large, flat wheel. Peachy spins the wheel and a member from each team must eat the food that the pointer lands on. There's some pretty nasty things on that wheel, as well as a slice of apple and one quarter of a candy bar. The apple and candy bar look nasty, too, as they appear to be in some kind of yellow liquid preservative. Maybe it's just the lighting. ["I think it was." -- Wing Chun]

By Joanna

Because Kucha is short a tribe member, one person has to go both first and last. Michael grabs the chance at twice the camera time. Maralyn is paired up with Michael. She looks very serious, and wins fesity hearts across the world when she removes her teeth and growls, "I'm ready." Kucha looks shocked; they're all too damn pretty to imagine doing such a thing. Toothless Dog and Michael end up eating part of a mangrove worm, which Peachy tells us burrows into a tree as an infant and then grow inside the tree to become very long later. Pay attention, because this little mangrove worm lesson will come in handy later. Maralyn has some difficulties, but after much heavy breathing and one refused request for water, she keeps it down. Jerri, meanwhile, is yelling, "It's an oyster! It's an oyster!" but I can't imagine that's that helpful, and besides, it's a mangrove worm! Bitch.

Kimmi and Keith are , and Mark Burnett, who is hiding under the table, makes sure the wheel lands on the fly-ridden cow brains. Peachy tells them that "the good news is it's pretty fresh, should have a good taste to it," which is so obnoxious considering he'll probably make about a million dollars over the thirty-six days, and won't have to eat any of this crap. Kimmi gets tears in her eyes, but immediately says, "I can't. I can't eat a brain." It's a mammal, so she can't (and doesn't) do it. Elisabeth looks distraught, and Alicia looks pissed off. Keith asks if they can take the leftovers back to his camp, and Jeff hugs Kimmi and thinks about bad shit he can say about her later.

Jerri and Nick are . Nick's been given so little air time that I can't ever remember his name. The wheel lands on something called "mud well" -- which Peachy explains is "shellfish you find seaside," like he's some kind of aboriginal food expert and not just reading it off a card somewhere. Peachy taunts Jerri by saying it's "kinda crunchy, isn't it?" Jerri is also the only survivor for whom Peachy enforces a time limit, so maybe he'd like to see her fail, too. Jerri is just like the bug-eating hero in more ways than one: she also has a frighteningly long tongue. Maybe they'll discover that having a long tongue genetically predisposes you to bitchiness, kind of like having the XYY "supermale" chromosome makes you more likely to end up in jail.

By Joanna

Kel and Elisabeth get the apples.

Mitchell and Jeff get the "witchety grub larva," which looks like a butok and will later become a moth, but will, one hopes, not do so in their stomachs. It's alive and very squirmy. Serves Jeff right for bitching about the "mashy and just nasty" rice. Mitchell repeats his mantra, "Win one for Jerri!" over and over again in his head and barely feels the thing squirming around.

Alicia and Amber get the big brown grasshopper-like insect, and Peachy, the prince, tells them they can break off the pinchers. Someone in the peanut gallery yells that it's "just like french fries." Alicia says, "Ug. You suck," under her breath when the pointer lands on the bugs. Alicia eats like she's at the hard part of her workout, and just has to get through it. She's very determined, and besides, it probably is high in protein. Amber is very measured in her eating at first, and then slows down. She finally manages to swallow, but can barely manage to stick out her tongue.

Colby and Rodger get the candy bar. Yay, Rodger!

Michael and Tina go last and get the tripe -- which is huge, and is a cow's stomach lining. Tina eats hers while jumping up and down, which can't help her digestion. She's holding her nose, jumping, and retching at the same time, which is some party trick. Michael finishes his, and Tina is still struggling, while Jeff laughs and makes pukey noises at her; he should know. Tina continues retching and jumping until she retches and throws up the tripe, which disqualifies her. Kimmi gets all happy, and Alicia still looks upset, because she just realized Tina is almost as buff as she is.

For the tiebreaker, each team picks a member of the opposite to compete. Ogakor picks Kimmi, and Kucha picks Tina. They have to eat a whole mangrove worm, which is at least a foot long. Kimmi jumps up and down yelling, "I can eat a worm, I can eat a WORM," and what's with all the jumping? ["And since when is a worm not a land-based animal?" -- Wing Chun] As Peachy starts them off, Kimmi grabs her worm and stuffs it in her mouth, but part of it falls to the ground. Tina's so busy tattling on Kimmi that she's barely started before Kimmi is done. Kimmi sticks out her tongue, which iscompletely covered in blue crud. Tina cries, but not because she violated her teammate's rights by rifling through his backpack.

By Joanna

Back at Ogacamp, Tina tells us she'll feel bad about voting someone off, because there's a definite humiliation in being the first to go. Keith tells us that the vote will be "bittersweet," and then revises it to just "bitter." He thinks it definitely could be him. Mitchell tells us that Keith is bossy and is "definitely close to going," and Colby says that "if you were looking to paint a bullseye on someone," it would be Keith or Jerri, "who's unforgiving in her ways." Growling Dog tells us that Jerri makes her bristle. Kel tells us that he'll vote for Jerri because he told Maralyn and Tina he would, and that Maralyn told him the same, and that he trusts her. Hey Kel, want a hand with that knife in your back? Jerri tells us that "Kel is a liar and a cheat, and as much as I don't want to believe that to be the truth, he'd probably be the first one I'd vote out." I'm starting to wonder whether Kel spurned Jerri's romantic advances. Good thing he didn't bring along his pet bunny, because she's got a pot to boil it in. As Ogakor heads off to tribal council, Mitchell tells us he'd vote of his own grandparents because "they've been married for fifty years; that's a good alliance." Keith tells us that the game is about "how you play using your mind to win," and that it's all about "deceit and deception," which is kind of repetitive, don't you think?

This is Ogacorps' first visit to tribal council, so Jeff gives his spiel about fire representing life and yada yada yada, and then he gets right into the passive-aggressive behavior we've missed so much. He says that since the tribe has a professional chef, they should be eating really well. Keith responds by making a play for his own cooking show: "Until we start sourcing great products to work with, our creative juices are semi-limited and stuff." He then credits Jerri and her "tortilla shop," and she probably is charging them! Peachy can't leave well enough alone, and asks why Jerri is cooking. Jerri says she knew Peachy was going to go there (or, at least, she hoped he would). She talks some shit about the rice and says, "It got to the point where none of us wanted to eat, and I felt I needed to step in, because we were losing strength, our morale was down, when...I mean, when you don't wanna even eat, that's really a bad sign of things to come, so I just took it upon myself." Colby scores some points with me by saying, "Rice is rice." Loyal Dog says that "if it goes down and doesn't come back up, it's a good meal." Peachy asks Tina what her "lowest low" was, which is a ridiculous question in light of her two failures in the immunity challenge. She says that it was when she threw up the tripe. Peachy then asks if she has a case to make to the team as to why they should keep her, and she answers, "I feel like I screwed up. I should be the one to go." Maralyn looks incredulous, so maybe she knows that's a load of bull.

By Joanna

Kel votes for Jerri and says again that he promised Tina and Maralyn on Day One that he would. Mitchell addresses an anonymous person and says, "As much as we could use your strength in the challenges, we're a little sick and tired of some of your games. And the only comfort I have in voting this way is that you brought this on all by yourself." The camera points at Keith the whole time, so we know Mitchell definitely doesn't mean him. Maralyn wins for the best vote ever: she's Talking Rudy Doll, but with a brain! Not only does she vote for "Cal," but in a fabulous spoof of Sue's infamous speech from last season she says, "Cal. Cal, if you were lying in the desert dying of thirst, every single one of us would give you a drink of water. Good luck to you." The "good luck" part suggests that Maralyn knew Kel was going, so if there's any doubt of a conspiracy left after the 7-1 vote against Kel, that kind of finishes it off. Peachy doesn't even bother trying to establish suspense this time. The votes go as follows: Kel, Jerri, Kel, Kel, Kel, and Cal. In his shorty pants and bright blue button-down shirt, I can't decide whether Kel's trying to look like a two-year-old, or just like Just Peachy. He bows his head and looks sad while Jerri swallows a grin.

week on Survivor: Jerri "makes her move on Colby" because she's a "sucker for cowboys." Mike makes a "Pigkiller." Didn't anybody learn anything from Superpole?

Over the credits, Kel tells us that he knew it would be difficult to get along with the tribe because of his military background. But Rudy got along famously! We see that Mitchell voted for "Kelly." Kel wishes the others good luck and says, "You're all winners to me." Thus ends what was, in my mind, the weirdest and most poorly edited episode of Survivor ever. After watching the episode several times and transcribing practically the whole thing, I still have no idea what happened.