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Before we get into tonight's main action, we first sit through a little bit of backstory -- about six and a half full minutes of backstory, as it turns out -- in which we learn that once upon a time, Our Intrepid Heroes motored on over to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, at the behest of a so-called white witch who'd been foolishly tracking a dark demonic lady-chopping serial killer all by her very lonesome. The boys quickly trap the guy themselves and proceeded to run through their whole exorcism schtick -- after first securing the permission of the hapless postal worker the demon possessed, which was nice of them, I suppose -- and after beating the hapless postal worker's body to a vividly bloody pulp, Dashing El Deano banished the offending swirl of bitterly black demonic foulness back to Hell. Dean then dropped what was left of hapless "Jeffrey" off at a hospital with strict instructions never to talk to anyone about what he just endured.
Flash-forward to the present, and guess what? Jeffrey talked. As a result, he got shipped off to the nuthouse for a very lengthy period of time, and is now working his way through an early-release program of some sort before his crazy ass gets pushed back into the great, big, scary world. Unfortunately for everyone involved, a rash of copycat lady-choppings has cropped up around the town, so Our Intrepid Heroes once again motor on over to Coeur d'Alene at the behest of that so-called white witch to figure out what's going on, and it turns out that Jeffrey's actually a fiendishly clever sociopath who lured the boys back to Idaho so he could complete some sort of demon-freeing spell in order to reunite with that offending swirl of bitterly black demonic foulness, which he now considers to be his One True Love. Or something like that. There was a lot of coma-inducing chit-chat in this episode, but I'm pretty sure that's how it all went down. Needless to say, Sam and Dean can't allow Jeffrey to succeed with this nefarious plot of his, so they join forces with the white witch to re-banish the offending swirl of bitterly black demonic foulness back to Hell -- again, some more -- after which Dean empties his trusty pearl-handled automatic into Psycho Jeffrey's batshit chest.
In other news, we discover that Darling Sammy's been suffering from random Lucifer hallucinations for most of the current season, and in this episode, he makes matters much, much worse by engaging those hallucinations in conversation. Turns out, though, that Satan's quite the helpful little guy when it comes to solving cases, so if you ask me, it might be in Sam's best interests to keep him around for a little while longer. Especially if they can keep Mark Pellegrino on the payroll for the rest of the season, because Mark Pellegrino is delightfully insane in this particular role, and we have been in dire need of some goddamned fun for the last five frigging months.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Rattle, Rattle WE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE THEN! For some pointless reason, we're reminded of the fact that there used to be a dark demonic force named Lilith, even though that particular demonette never once makes an appearance in the episode that follows, and then it's on to a series of clips detailing that ill-constructed wall Capital-D Death erected deep within what passes for Darling Sammy's brain before we hit the...
...Nonexistent STILL NOT GIVING A SHIT NOW! Once again, the NOW! got the week off for reasons that quickly become apparent when the words "Four Years Ago" emerge from the inky blackness to loiter at the bottom of the screen for a couple of moments. Just as quickly as they'd arrived, though, those words get obliterated by a cross-fade that tracks through a few low-hanging branches somewhere dark and remote until the camera lands on a nondescript station wagon that's just pulling up behind the much-missed Impala. And as the location card pops up to let us know we've landed in "Coeur d'Alene, Idaho," a casually-attired and extremely well-preserved fortysomething brunette disembarks from the station wagon to mount the rickety wooden steps leading up to a ramshackle cabin's front porch. Soon enough, Darling Sammy swings open the cabin door, and he greets his midnight visitor like so: "Miss Havelock! You shouldn't have come!" Miss Havelock brushes past Darling Sammy's remarkably broad and healthy frame to enter the cabin proper, whereupon she announces, "I needed to see it for myself." "After all that tracking?" she explains, suddenly seeming more than a little nervous for whatever mysterious reason. "All those hours we spent?" she continues, agitatedly wringing her hands. "I mean, it's one thing to study them in books..." she begins before trailing off into a tense silence, during which Darling Sammy sighs and frowns and rolls his impressive shoulders around until he finally and wordlessly agrees to escort his unexpected guest toward one of the dimly-lit cabin's back rooms.
Meanwhile, Dashing El Deano busies himself by ominously scraping a knife against a whetstone while the camera hops over to examine the bruised, bloodied, and demonically-enhanced gentleman now lashed tightly to a chair atop a hastily-scrawled Devil's Trap in the center of Our Intrepid Heroes' makeshift interrogation chamber. The demonically-enhanced gent's sporting a postal worker's uniform, and while he makes no effort to strain against the various ropes and straps that bind him, he does pant quickly and loudly through his nose like some sort of desperately diseased animal, which I guess is pretty creepy. Catching a whiff of Darling Sammy's midnight visitor, the demonically-enhanced gent sneers, "Do I smell menopause?" and maybe I've been watching way too much Drag Race lately, but that sounds like a line one of the less-creative queens would unleash upon a far-superior rival whilst daintily sipping on a smart Absolut cocktail in The Interior Illusions Lounge. And now that I've made that connection in my head, I have approximately zero hope of taking anything that follows seriously, so let's get through this quickly, shall we?
The demonically-enhanced gent directs Miss Havelock's attention to the discreetly covered corpse of his latest victim, which now lies sprawled across the cabin's kitchen table. After promising to similarly "scoop" "Nora "out like a pumpkin," he allows his eyes to flip beetle-black, which is enough to send the easily-affrighted Miss Nora scurrying back outside to her station wagon. Darling Sammy crosses to one of the windows to watch as Miss Nora speeds off into the night, then rejoins his brother in the center of the room to taunt at their remaining guest. Long story short, they've been pumping this anonymous minion for information on Lilith's current whereabouts, and thus far, they've gotten absolutely nowhere. In fact, the entire interrogation seems like it's about to take a sharp turn toward the totally pointless when the nameless demon allows the hapless sap he's possessing to surface for a moment -- the better to exploit Our Intrepid Heroes' sympathy for his victim's plight, apparently -- but unfortunately for the demon, he fails to realize that Our Intrepid Heroes stopped caring about those stupid enough to get their idiot selves possessed way back during Season One. You know, if I'm remembering it correctly. Which I'm probably not, but whatever.
It doesn't really matter, though, because once so temporarily freed by his Hell-sent tormenter, hapless sap "Jeffrey" takes one look at the rapidly-cooling corpse in the cabin's kitchen and immediately gives Sam and Dean his consent for whatever flesh-ripping tortures they've got planned for his body. How convenient. "Whatever you have to do, you have to do it," Jeffrey nods before adding a frantic and hopeless-sounding, "Please!" And with Jeffrey's permission for what follows thus officially granted, Our Intrepid Heroes proceed to stomp Jeffrey's demonically-enhanced ass. Mostly, it involves a lot of straight-up punching and slashing with a couple of lashes with the skin-searing holy water thrown in for good measure, though eventually Dean does pick up a cunning little silver mallet, which looks most promising, indeed. Unfortunately, before the bandy-legged little sadist gets a change to mash Possessed Jeffrey's knuckles to a pulp, the never-named demon's resolve caves, and he howls out that they'll find Lilith's primary lieutenant, "Merrick," in New Orleans. One quick cross-fade later, and we find Dashing El Deano angrily Latinating above Possessed Jeffrey's head until Possessed Jeffrey's neck snaps back so he might unleash a stream of bitterly black demonic foulness in the general direction of the cabin's ceiling. And in a comforting, old-school effects shot of the sort I hadn't realized I'd been missing until just now, the demon cloud doubles back on itself to swirl violently around the room for a moment before plowing straight toward this evening's...
...SNOT ROCKET!, and as you might have noticed from the distinct lack of lizardly shrieking during the above, Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon is still missing. My initial trip down to the wilds of Bay Ridge ended up with me smacking into one great big dead-end after another, so it's a good thing this show's about to head into another mini-hiatus after this evening's episode, 'cause it'll free up my nights to investigate further. I'm still not getting any goddamned help from the goddamned police, by the way. The bastards. I don't know, though -- a part of me's convinced bits of him are gonna start popping up in Dumpsters. Sigh.
Anyway, where the hell was I? Oh, yes: When the dripping is done, we return to the past to watch as Dashing El Deano speeds through the night in the much-missed Impala, intent on getting the now-depossessed Jeffrey to the nearest hospital, pronto. And once they arrive at the "EMERGENCY ENTRANCE" to "CDA REGIONAL," Dean hauls what's left of poor Jeffrey out of Metallicar's back seat to instruct the luridly bloody mess as follows: "No demon talk in the ER, you understand me? You were mugged." "Um. Thank you?" Jeffrey woozily replies while Dean wastes not an instant hopping back into the Impala, and as Dean drives off with nary another word, what's left of hapless Jeffrey staggers toward the...
..."Present Day," if that just-appearing location card is anything to go by. We're back in Coeur d'Alene, though instead of focusing on Jeffrey's progress at the moment, we watch as Our Intrepid Heroes let themselves into This Week's Motel Room, where Dashing El Deano takes a call from the ever-useless Frank Devereaux while Darling Sammy tries and fails to ignore the suddenly-appearing Mark Pellegrino, who materializes just long enough to insult the boys' current accommodations before vanishing in a fuzzy haze of static once Sam jams his thumb against his palm. Don't worry, though -- he'll be back, and he's even more of a sick twist tonight than he ever was in the past. But I'm getting ahead of myself, so we'll just wave bye-bye to Mark Pellegrino for now and listen in on Dean's phone conversation. And as that ends up being nothing more than a massive waste of time, let's skip ahead to the bit where Our Intrepid Heroes chit-chat about this evening's case, shall we? Excellent.
Basically, two more women have turned up ritually mutilated in much the same manner as the never-named demon's group of victims four years ago, so even though the never-named demon "should be down under until Trumpet Day" due to the fact that he "squealed on his superiors," Sam and Dean have little choice but to conclude that someone or something released the minion from Hell within the last week or so, and the foul fiend's now back to haunting his old hunting grounds. And even though "Trumpet Day" actually arrived at the end of Season Five, and even though the ever-delightful Crowley was never a big fan of Lilith in the first place and thus would have no reason to continue punishing an underling who turned against her, we'll just go with all of that and move on, because certain sections of tonight's so-called entertainment get to be excessively talky in the extreme, and I'd best save my typing fingers for those particular scenes later rather than ranting about worthless expository plot points now.
The morning, Our Intrepid Heroes find themselves awakened by their trusty little portable police scanner, which belches out news of yet another ritualistic mutilation elsewhere in the city, so Sam and Dean shimmy into their FBI drag and proceed to...
...serve up some fierce Quantico realness over at the latest crime scene. The primary detective instantly remembers them as "The Drummer Boys" from four years ago, as they were using the aliases "Bonham" and "Watts" at the time, and awkwardness ensues when it becomes clear that both Darling Sammy and Dashing El Deano have forgotten the primary detective's name. Rude! Fortunately, Lucifer materializes beside one of the flashing Kootenai County ambulances to offer Darling Sammy a crucial memory assist, and Sam extends a friendly hand to "Detective Sutton" before turning his attention toward the fresh corpse now littering the pavement. The case-related nattering that follows utterly fails to capture my attention -- partly because I'm already aware of the basic facts, but mainly because Mark Pellegrino is now sticking a petulant forked tongue out at the back of Darling Sammy's head, which: Hee! -- but Sam and Dean do eventually find telltale traces of noxious sulfur near the fresh corpse, so they decide to visit...
...the easily-affrighted Miss Nora from the pre-credits sequence. Miss Nora invites the boys into her tastefully-appointed apartment, and we learn that since Sam and Dean last spoke to her, Miss Nora's taken to running a rather profitable Internet mail-order business from her home, selling "white-magic herbs and talismans" when she's not busy "translating some very old banishments." But that's not important right now because what is important right now is the fact that she's well aware of the recent spate of ritualistic mutilations, thank you very much, and as soon as she settles some as-yet-unspecified business in town, she's getting her freshly-endangered ass out of there. "Good choice," Dean solemnly nods, as if his goddamn opinion on the subject actually meant something. "Have you found Jeffrey yet?" Miss Nora somewhat nervously inquires, slyly changing the topic of conversation for reasons that shall become apparent much later in the episode. "Who?" Dean dims, so Miss Nora's forced to remind them of the hapless schmuck they almost beat to death four years ago. Dean's all, "Oh, that Jeffrey!" and seems more than prepared to leave it at that until Miss Nora prompts, "Some demons tend to be sentimental, don't they -- always go back to the same host if they can?" "It's a start," Sam shrugs. Dim Dean's eyes glaze over, and he drops his lower jaw to mouth-breathe at us for a few very long moments until the camera decides to zip on over to...
...Hapless Jeffrey's current location, which is a halfway house for recently-released psychiatric patients, because Stupid Jeffrey failed to follow Dashing El Deano's sage advice all those many years ago and actually told people about his weeks-long romp with a dark demonic force sent from the flaming maw of Hell. I'm guessing. I mean, I'm totally right about all of that, but Stupid Jeffrey himself doesn't get around to confirming it for another couple of scenes. In any event, we listen in on Stupid Jeffrey's dull group-therapy session for a little bit, after which we follow along as he heads on over to...
..."THE IDAHO REGIONAL ANIMAL SHELTER," and hang on a second: They've got one animal shelter for the entire Idaho region? They must be slaughtering hundreds of mutts every single day in that place. In any event, the camera catches up with Stupid Jeffrey just as he's leaving the charnel house with one shaggy mutt who somehow managed to escape the executioner's axe. They still euthanize unwanted puppies by chopping off their heads, right? Anyway, Stupid Jeffrey's new doggie friend has one of those plastic cones wrapped around its furry neck for whatever reason, and Stupid Jeffrey coos and croons at the thing for several very long seconds before limping off down the sidewalk. Suddenly, Stupid Jeffrey's Spidey-sense starts a-tingling, and he foolishly makes his way down an apparently deserted alleyway until...a knife-wielding miscreant hauls him into this evening's first METAL TEETH CHOMP! DUN!
Oh, sorry -- my bad. That wasn't really a DUN! at all, because the knife-wielding miscreant was actually Dashing El Deano himself, as we learn the instant we return from that commercial break. Our Intrepid Heroes, you see, ambushed Stupid Jeffrey with a flask of holy water and The Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't on the off chance Stupid Jeffrey had been repossessed by tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon. "Just had to make sure," Dashing El Deano weakly apologizes once he and Darling Sammy have determined that Stupid Jeffrey's completely harmless. "Make sure of what?" Stupid Jeffrey retorts. "That I peed my pants today?" Okay, that was kind of funny. The boys apologize some more, and eventually, they head back to...
...Stupid Jeffrey's tastefully-appointed suite at the halfway house to indulge in yet another round of tedious expository blather that's initially leavened by Lucifer's sardonic presence on the arm of Stupid Jeffrey's sofa. Unfortunately, Darling Sammy almost immediately presses his thumb against his palm, so Lucifer has little choice but to beat a hasty and pouty retreat and, during the chatter that follows, we learn that tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon evidently kept a list of the names of the Coeur d'Alene-area women he intended to kill. "He already had his victims chosen?" Sam's sideburns squint, deeply puzzled indeed. "And put in a line, in order," Stupid Jeffrey confirms. "But why?" Dean wonders, even more puzzled than his brother's utterly asinine and ever-expanding muttonchops. "Demons aren't usually into the obsessive serial-killer crap," Dean continues before going on to ask, "Why would he do this?" "He said it was his job," Stupid Jeffrey solemnly intones, and before the assembled idiots can get to talking about that, Stupid Jeffrey's called to his door for a brief and unimportant confab with the halfway house's unusually chipper superintendent. And after that's all over and done with, Darling Sammy rises to announce he'll be tracking down the woman on Stupid Jeffrey's list -- a librarian named "Marjorie Willis" -- while Dashing El Deano remains with Stupid Jeffrey "just in case." Because nothing bad ever happens to Our Intrepid Heroes when they split up. Ever.
Coeur d'Alene Public Library. Darling Sammy wanders in and takes a seat directly opposite Marjorie Willis's desk. Unfortunately for him, Lucifer materializes to physically block Darling Sammy's view of the imperiled librarian, and there's an amusing bit of business wherein Darling Sammy tries to scoot over a little bit to peer around Mark Pellegrino's massive head, only to have Lucifer lean over for another block. "Talk to me," Lucifer eventually pleads, like he's some doleful ex-boyfriend Darling Sammy heartlessly kicked to the curb on little more than a selfish whim. "It's been months!" Darling Sammy responds by primly pursing his lips and deliberately staring off in a different direction. That was thrilling.
Meanwhile, back at the halfway house, Stupid Jeffrey's filling Dashing El Deano in on the tawdry details of his pathetic life since last they met, and long story short, Stupid Jeffrey got his dumb self locked up in the nuthouse after he failed to follow Dashing El Deano's sage advice and actually told people about his weeks-long romp with a dark demonic force sent from the flaming maw of Hell. Yeah, I totally called that one. Not that it matters -- at all -- but still. Sucks to be you, Stupid Jeffrey! Maybe time you won't be so eager to yak people to death. In any event, after a couple of minutes of that, Stupid Jeffrey finally thinks to drop the following bombshell: Tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon "had this special place" "where he nested." "Why didn't you tell us this?" Dean growls, quite rightfully peeved over the fact that Stupid Jeffrey decided to withhold this vital piece of information until just this very instant. "I didn't want to go!" Stupid Jeffrey feebly protests by way of response. "You don't have to go!" Dean eyerolls. "We'll handle it!" he insists, of course referring to himself and Sam. "I do!" Stupid Jeffrey counters, his Manson Lamps suddenly and quite hilariously all aglow. "I have to!" Stupid Jeffrey vehemently continues, in psychotic tones that clearly will brook no dissent. Dashing El Deano's left with little choice but to gawp at the obviously unhinged milquetoast on the halfway house sofa, and with that, we hurtle back over to...
...the library, where Darling Sammy studiously continues to avoid making eye contact with Lucifer until...a nearby patron slams her head against a desk with a meaty THWACK! And in what is easily this evening's most entertaining sequence, the scorned Lucifer sits off to one side with an impish grin on his angelic face while half the people in the library follow that initial patron's lead, thumping their heads repeatedly against their various desks until their own faces have been reduced to little more than bright, bloody, toothless smears of mangled flesh and cartilage. It is deeply awesome. Well, you know, compared to the paltry amounts of gore we've gotten thus far this season, at any rate. Unfortunately, Darling Sammy quickly realizes these wanton acts of unrepentant self-inflicted violence are nothing more than a Lucifer-induced hallucination, and he once again presses his thumb against the palm of his hand to make them all go away. Jackass. And when the face-pummeling thumping has vanished, Darling Sammy once again ignores his Hellish boyfriend's many pleadings in favor of watching as a leather-jacketed gent follows the presumably-imperiled Marjorie Willis into a remote corner of the library. DUN!
Elsewhere, Dashing El Deano pulls this week's crapped-out piece of automotive trash over to a curb somewhere dark and remote and makes deliberate note of the terribly convenient lack of cell service in the area while Stupid Jeffrey tells his shaggy mutt to behave, and the fact that they dragged Stupid Jeffrey's dog along on this little jaunt of theirs should have clued me in on the fact that Something's Not Quite Right With Stupid Jeffrey, but alas! I totally didn't see where they were going with this dog stuff until they actually arrived. I mean, I knew the dog would be biting it at some point in the evening, but I didn't anticipate how it eventually went down at all. And now I feel like a moron. Sigh. Anyway, Dashing El Deano and Stupid Jeffrey disembark to clompy-stomp and limp their respective ways toward a bleak, abandoned warehouse.
Meanwhile, back at the library, Darling Sammy tippy-toes through the stacks until he finds...Marjorie and that leather-jacketed gent, grinding up against each other in her discontinued periodicals section! Wah. Wah. Waaaaaaaaah!
Warehouse. Dean rams open the flimsy front door and proceeds to deploy a little flashlight-fu as he and Stupid Jeffrey make with a little tippy-toeing of their own to investigate the place. At one point, Dean whips out his trusty Knife That Can Kill Anything Except When It Usually Can't, and he and Stupid Jeffrey creep further into the dank recesses of the bleak, abandoned warehouse until they stumble across...a bunch of graffiti painted on the wall! DUN! Oh, wait a minute -- I think that's actually a bunch of demon-specific sigils and such, but whatever. They pitch this massive collective freak-out over some paint, is what I'm saying. And when that's over and done with, Dean shoves Stupid Jeffrey into a dark corner while he himself continues to investigate the dank recesses of the bleak, abandoned warehouse alone, and just when I start to wonder why Dim Dean didn't think to sling some sort of Demon-B-Gon amulet around Stupid Jeffrey's neck before he so carelessly abandoned the guy in the middle of their presumed adversary's lair, Dean's flashlight-fu picks out the slumped-over figure of some hapless wretch who's been lashed to a chair. This new guy's got an ear off, by the way, which becomes apparent only when Dean heedlessly edges over for a closer look, and the moment Dean starts futzing with the ropes that are binding this guy to the chair, New Guy's eyes snap open, and he starts hyperventilating about something he's spotted just over Dean's shoulder. Dean of course misinterprets New Guy's incoherent flailing as a fit of post-demonic stress disorder, and he foolishly continues to futz with the ropes until...Sneaky Stupid Jeffrey stabs a hypodermic into his neck! Dun-dun-DUN! Sneaky Stupid Jeffrey empties the entire needle into Deceived El Deano's carotid, and Our Temporarily Bested Hero falls unconscious into this evening's METAL TEETH CHOMP!
Back from the break, we scuttle back over to the library, where we find Darling Sammy still assiduously ignoring Lucifer's advances. Eventually, he snatches up his phone to contact Dean, but the call of course ends up falling into Dean's voice mail, which Lucifer loudly interprets as "not a good sign." After leaving his brother a terse and somewhat bitchy message, Sam returns his attention to the autopsy reports he's apparently been lugging all over Coeur d'Alene, gifting Lucifer with the opportunity to lay this bit of exceedingly helpful science upon his tantalizing ass: "Surprised you haven't picked up on that yet -- it's right there in the coroner's report: In this latest round of killings, our big girls had traces of heavy tranquilizers in their blood." A quick close-up of one of the reports seems to confirm this, and Lucifer continues, "But our demon's strong enough to make Fat Betty do whatever he wants, right? So, why does he need the tranks?" "Think he's got a bad back?" Lucifer teases as Darling Sammy's eyes start darting madly back and forth. "Whatever is going on here," Lucifer concludes with a wickedly self-satisfied grin, "you know that demon's not coming back to kill anybody." Darling Sammy, obviously conceding Lucifer's point, snatches up his phone again to dial another of Dean's cells, but much to Sam's obvious dismay and increasing panic, this call also drops into voice mail. "Oh, no!" Lucifer sings. "That's every cell phone Dean's got! One of them should have picked up, right?" "Big brother's probably dead," Lucifer sighs, and at that, Darling Sammy finally breaks his self-imposed vow of Lucifer-related silence and snaps, "Shut up!" He stares Lucifer down for one very long moment, then sweeps up his autopsy reports and research to flounce out of the library in a huff, leaving Lucifer alone to titter, "He said 'shut up' to me! SQUEEEEE!" And yeah, that was sickeningly cute, but if Lucifer's nothing more than a figment of Darling Sammy's imagination, then what the hell is he doing still talking long after Darling Sammy's exited the goddamned scene, huh? HUH?
Please don't bother yourselves trying to come up with a sensible answer to that question, because I don't actually care.
Cut to Stupid Jeffrey's tastefully-appointed suite at the halfway house. Darling Sammy picks the lock on the door and tippy-toes through the outer room to poke around Stupid Jeffrey's meager belongings with a now-incessantly talkative Lucifer shadowing his every move. "That's what I'm talking about, Sam!" Lucifer sighs, all smitten and such. "Real interaction again! I missed that -- the rapier wit? The wittier rape? Come on!" I'd venture to guess that the seedier corners of LiveJournal blew up with digital reams of badly-written rape porn after Lucifer delivered that line were it not for my suspicion that even the batshit ladies of fan fiction gave up on this dying show months ago. In any event, Sam quickly finds both an empty cell phone scrambler box and a hidden metal case containing a sheaf of obscure demon-summoning spells penned in Miss Nora's distinctive handwriting. For whatever dumb reason, however, Darling Sammy's incapable of figuring out these clues on his own, so we wait until the ever-helpful Lucifer puts it all together for him, after which we bustle on over to...
...Miss Nora's tastefully-appointed apartment, where we watch as Darling Sammy picks the lock, tippy-toes through the outer room, and...WHAMMO! A visibly jittery yet undeniably cunning Miss Nora whacks Darling Sammy over the head with a candlestick. Fortunately for Our Intrepid Hero, the feeble blow does little more than knock him just a teensy bit off-balance for a second, and he quickly recovers to overpower her, after which he confronts her with the evidence of her collusion with Stupid Jeffrey. Miss Nora, instantly chastened, collapses onto a sofa to commence with the copious weeping and whatnot, and eventually -- after Sam obediently follows Lucifer's advice and threatens her with actual violence -- she blurts out, "It's my son! He has my son!" Dimwit Sammy's all, "The demon?" to which Miss Nora impatiently replies, "Not the demon, you fucking idiot! Jeffrey!" Dun-dun-DUN!
Cut to the warehouse, where we find Dean already alert and recovered from whatever the hell Psycho Jeffrey jabbed into his neck a couple of scenes ago. He seems no worse for the wear at all as he fidgets against the ropes now lashing him to a chair of his very own, and we have now arrived at the portion of this evening's festivities in which This Week's Nefarious Villain Attempts To Talk Our Intrepid Hero To Death. Why didn't they cancel this show a year and a half ago? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
And because I have zero interest in transcribing precisely what Psycho Jeffrey has to say at this juncture, I'll be cutting to the chase, such as it is: Long story short, Psycho Jeffrey actually enjoyed being possessed by tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon -- he in fact refers to said demon as "the love of my life" at one point -- but lest we think the demon fundamentally altered Psycho Jeffrey in some perverse way, he makes it very clear that he was teetering on the edge of sanity long before the demon entered the picture all those many years ago. In fact, it was Psycho Jeffrey who originally came up with that list of victims -- a list he compiled while working his mail route, natch -- and it was only after the demon took control of his body that he was able to, as he more or less puts it, "live up to [his] true potential" and start offing those women. "He's the one who saved me," Psycho Jeffrey eventually concludes, of course referring to his little demon friend, "and you sent him to Hell!"
Miss Nora's. More talking. Basically, Miss Nora tried to remain friends with Psycho Jeffrey after the exorcism four years ago, but Psycho Jeffrey rebuffed all of her advances until just recently, when he showed up on her doorstep unannounced to begin babbling about yanking his extra-special demon friend out of Hell. Miss Nora quite naturally told him to seek professional help, and it was at that point that Psycho Jeffrey kidnapped her son from the latter's college dorm room and threatened to slit the kid open from stomach to sternum if Miss Nora didn't provide him with an appropriate summoning spell immediately. Miss Nora hastily complied, but when that first spell failed to work, Psycho Jeffrey responded by shipping her the kid's ear -- in an eminently collectible antique wooden cigar box, no less, which Miss Nora now produces from a desk drawer to hand over to Sam.
In any event, Miss Nora quickly dug up the "strongest summoning [she'd] ever seen" -- a spell that "requires the blood of the exorcist" who originally banished the demon -- after which Psycho Jeffrey embarked upon his latest killing spree with the express goal of luring Our Intrepid Heroes back to Coeur d'Alene. "You see?" Miss Nora finishes, still more than a little weepy after that massive exposition dump she just unloaded into the audience's unsuspecting lap. "It's all part of Jeffrey's plan!" "Yeah, well, new plan," Darling Sammy curtly announces. "Tracking spell -- Bavarian, Egyptian, I don't care -- use the flesh of the body to find the body and Dean." With that, he shoves the eminently collectible antique wooden cigar box back into Miss Nora's hands. For her part, Miss Nora looks appalled at the very idea of deploying her only son's severed body part in so distasteful a manner, so Sam brutally lays it on the line for her like so: "Do you want the ear or the kid?" "You're giving me the chills!" Lucifer whispers, his eyes positively burning with infinite amounts of dreamy adoration, and did I not tell you Mark Pellegrino was even more of a sick twist tonight than he ever was in the past? Weirdo. And he's making me absolutely giddy.
Meanwhile, back at the warehouse, Psycho Jeffrey STILL WON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. Though even I have to admit that he gets in a pretty good line during this bit. When Dean politely inquires as to what kept Psycho Jeffrey from killing himself, Psycho Jeffrey earnestly replies, "Alan, at the house -- he's a really good rehab therapist! Really helped me focus on my goals, my attitude -- I have to say, I really benefited from the whole program!" Hee. And when that moment's passed, Psycho Jeffrey KEEPS FUCKING TALKING, though he does gather up a bowl of Dean's blood that he drained at some point during his near-endless monologue, and he eventually limps over to that shaggy mutt of his to escort the dog into a nearby room. 'Cause, you know, the summoning spell also requires a freshly-extracted doggy heart, and while this show has no problems eviscerating human beings right there on the screen, it turns into a total pussy when it comes time to hack some dumb animal to death. Whatever.
And when all that's been thus so discreetly dealt with, Psycho Jeffrey returns to start in with the Latination. Appropriately enough, the warehouse quivers and quakes during the spell, sending showers of dirt and crumbling masonry down upon their heads from the far-above ceiling, but once Psycho Jeffrey completes his recitation, everything just sort of grinds to a most unsatisfying halt.
Until Son Of Nora snaps awake and violently breaks free from his chains, of course. DUN!
The kid's eyes have of course flipped beetle black by this point and, after he strips that pesky swatch of duct tape from his mouth, he allows the slightest flicker of a grin to cross his face as he breathes, "Hello, Jeffrey!" And with that, we all get booted into this evening's penultimate METAL TEETH CHOMP!, and to be honest with you, I might give this episode a B+ just because we've been getting the METAL TEETH CHOMP! at every single commercial break tonight. See? I'm not so hard to please after all.
Warehouse. Immediate aftermath. And we have now arrived at the portion of this evening's festivities in which This Week's Other Nefarious Villain Attempts To Talk Our Intrepid Hero To Death. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Long, long story short, tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon is actually one of Hell's talent scouts, and he exploited the raw talent he saw in Psycho Jeffrey to...whatever. I totally don't care. I mean, if they had introduced this concept back in the second or third season, when they were still building up all of their show-specific Hell mythology, I probably -- no, I definitely -- would have been a lot more engaged with it all, but throwing this at us now? After the grand scope of The Ceiling Demon's masterful plan has already been laid out for us? After we burned through both the angels and the abortive Armageddon? After we endured...whatever the shit last season was supposed to be? Nope. Forget it. Sorry, boys: You're way too late on this one.
So, yeah, we're gonna wrap this up fast: After tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon speechifies at length regarding his methods and motivations -- and after he takes Psycho Jeffrey on a fanciful spin around the warehouse floor because tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon is apparently as much of a dancing fool as Gaylord Wiener -- Darling Sammy and Miss Nora pop up from out of nowhere to ensnare tonight's anonymous pre-credits demon in a suddenly-appearing Devil's Trap that someone somehow managed to paint on the goddamned warehouse ceiling, and then Miss Nora exorcises Twinkle Toes right back to Hell, again, some more. Dashing El Deano, who'd by now long since broken free of his own chains, follows this up by whipping out his trusty pearl-handled revolver and shooting Psycho Jeffrey dead. And as Miss Nora gathers her grievously injured and now-depossessed son up in her arms, we're treated to a gape-mouthed reaction shot of Our Intrepid Heroes right before we head into this evening's final commercial break...most woefully CHOMP!-less? You dipshits. C-!
This Week's Motel Room. Denouement. Our Intrepid Heroes enter in the weak light of the wintertime Idaho dawn, and Dashing El Deano promptly passes out from exhaustion on one of the twin beds. Unfortunately, there's no similar round of refreshing repose in poor Darling Sammy's future at this juncture, for Lucifer's manifested himself one last time this evening to indulge in one of their "special little chats," the content of which basically amounts to this: Now that his "bunk buddy" has allowed him back into his consciousness, or whatever, Lucifer won't be disappearing anytime soon, and there's nothing Sam can do about it, so nyaaaaah! To underscore this claim, Lucifer wiggles his finger around in the air, and an instant wall of flame erupts around Sam to lick at Our Intrepid Hero's deeply perturbed sideburns for a good thirty seconds or so until we finally head into the episode-ending blackness with Lucifer's lascivious laughter echoing in our ears.
week: A rerun of this. The promo that followed tonight's episode advertised the new one as airing on March 9th, but I've just seen a couple of online notices claiming that's been pushed back to March 16th. So, um, be sure to cancel all of your plans on both nights? I don't know. Leave me the hell alone.
Demian is probably returning to the frightening netherworld of Bay Ridge in search of the still-missing Raoul. You may reach the former at demian_twop@yahoo.com. The latter is an imaginary gay dragon on the Internet who remains alarmingly at large.
This Week's Motel Room. Denouement. Our Intrepid Heroes enter in the weak light of the wintertime Idaho dawn, and Dashing El Deano promptly passes out from exhaustion on one of the twin beds. Unfortunately, there's no similar round of refreshing repose in poor Darling Sammy's future at this juncture, for Lucifer's manifested himself one last time this evening to indulge in one of their "special little chats," the content of which basically amounts to this: Now that his "bunk buddy" has allowed him back into his consciousness, or whatever, Lucifer won't be disappearing anytime soon, and there's nothing Sam can do about it, so nyaaaaah! To underscore this claim, Lucifer wiggles his finger around in the air, and an instant wall of flame erupts around Sam to lick at Our Intrepid Hero's deeply perturbed sideburns for a good thirty seconds or so until we finally head into the episode-ending blackness with Lucifer's lascivious laughter echoing in our ears.
week: A rerun of this. The promo that followed tonight's episode advertised the new one as airing on March 9th, but I've just seen a couple of online notices claiming that's been pushed back to March 16th. So, um, be sure to cancel all of your plans on both nights? I don't know. Leave me the hell alone.
Demian is probably returning to the frightening netherworld of Bay Ridge in search of the still-missing Raoul. You may reach the former at demian_twop@yahoo.com. The latter is an imaginary gay dragon on the Internet who remains alarmingly at large.