Episode Report Card Demian: B | 6 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Sex and The Single Hardy Boys
By Demian | Season 4 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.05.2009
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.If it's Thursday, this must be Iowa. Again. Our Intrepid Heroes motor on over to landlocked Taylor County, which has recently seen an overabundance of both mysterious uxoricides and mysterious (and massive) container ships clogging up that waterlogged ditch the locals have been calling a river for the last 160 years, but really, it's the deadly wife-beatings that hold Our Dear Boys' interest for most of the evening. Seems three heretofore entirely normal, happily married gentlemen took up with an apparent trio of Disney-princess strippers, then suddenly went bonkers and offed their formerly dear better halves in various violent and grisly ways. Sam and Dean, with a major assist from Bobby, quickly realize they've got a Siren on their hands, but there is, of course, a problem: Sirens are shape-shifters (basically) and mind-readers (trufax), so the boys (plus Bobby) not only have absolutely no idea where to begin looking for tonight's beastie, they each run the risk of falling prey to her wicked mind-mojo as well.
The audience's initial suspicion, however, comes to rest upon one Dr. Cara Roberts, the county's widowed twentysomething coroner who happens to have a fondness for barhopping, hyacinths and Darling Sammy's luscious lips -- among other aspects of the dear lad's remarkably healthy physique, all of which are presently put on display for the audience's delectation when she bangs Darling Sammy standing up against the blinds right there in her own damn office, and who, frankly, can blame her? Woof. And when Sam grows increasingly snappish in the immediate aftermath of all the sordid workplace fornication, Dean comes to suspect the good doctor as well, which brings us to...
...an even bigger problem: The Siren's actually assumed the form of FBI Special Agent Nick Monroe, with whom Dean struck up an instant bromance over their mutual love of alcoholic beverages, muscle cars from the 1960s and the greatest hits of mullet rock. DUN! Needless to say, the Siren quickly places Dean under his/her/its thrall, and soon enough, Demented El Deano's thisclose to hacking open Darling Sammy's otherwise remarkably healthy neck with a hunting knife. And then the fun really begins when the Siren sprays Sam with some of the same crap he/she/it used to ensnare Dean, and everything goes to hell when Our Dear Boys turn on each other in a vocal and physical battle to the death for the Siren's affections. Fortunately, Bobby shows up at just the right moment to slaughter the Siren, thereby breaking the spell. Unfortunately, the horrible -- and true -- insults the brothers hurled at each other during their little altercation can't be unsaid, and we enter winter's second mini-hiatus wondering how they'll ever regain each other's trust. Drama!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Rattle, Rattle BLOOD-RED THEN! Long story short, Princess Embolism healed Grievous Sammy with the mystical powers of her magical undead vagina, and so began Our Intrepid Hero's jaunt down the road of good intentions to The Dark Side, and while Dashing El Deano was most displeased indeed with all of the subsequent secrets and LIES he started receiving from his brother, The Corpse Fucker quite correctly pointed out the fact that Dean had more than a few secrets and LIES of his own. Got all that? Good. Now shut up for the...
...Slashy, Slashy NOW! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! As the blood-red NOW! creeps forward before fading into the blackness, an insistent hammering noise hits the soundtrack, and it's only after the camera's faded up on the interior of a pricey suburban kitchen that we discover the source of all the ungodly racket: A petite little bleached blonde whacking away at a couple of steaks with a deadly looking meat tenderizer, and I am now utterly incapable of paying attention to anything that follows, because I'm waiting for that meat tenderizer to end up embedded in somebody's skull. "WHEEEEE!" shrieks Raoul The Big Gay Supernatural Dragon, clapping his perfectly manicured paws together in delighted anticipation. "I do so love it when the wanton acts of unrepentant violence arrive so early in the episode!" I know you do, my scaly friend, but you'll have to calm yourself for a few moments, as we have a bit of exposition to endure before we get to the good stuff. "Oh, phoo!" Raoul pouts, feeling cheated. "We know one of the people in this scene is not long for this world, so why on earth must we endure their petty complaints first?! It's not relevant! Why should we waste our beautiful minds on something like that!?" Because it's what I'm getting paid for? "Oh! I do apologize, I'm sure! Please continue!" Thanks.
So, as the petite little bleached blonde whacks away at her steaks, her husband arrives home from a very long day at the office -- according to the clock on the wall, it's 8:30 in the evening -- and they almost instantly tangle themselves up in a spat over the hateful hours his boss has imposed upon him, but both back down quickly enough and apologize to each other with pecks on the cheek and whatnot. As the husband heads over to the fridge for a beer, the wife calls out, "Oh, hey, I ran into Jill Martin today -- Gary's turning 40 on Saturday, and she invited us to the party!" "Whadya tell her?" the husband mumbles, looking annoyed. The camera remains trained on his face, but we can hear the casual shrug in her voice as she replies, "That we'd go." The husband slams the refrigerator door shut so violently, the editors feel the need to loop it into the final cut a couple more times so we in the audience might fully understand its import. "Why'd you do that?" the husband mutters, crossing to lean heavily over the sink. The wife's all, "Buh? I thought you liked him." "Not enough to waste my Saturday night with him," the husband seethes before turning around to glower at her. "I don't believe you!" "It's fine!" the wife insists, all but tossing her hands into the air in surrender. "I'll call Jill and tell her we can't make it." At that, she turns her back on him to twist the switch on a lamp, and that's a very bad move on the wife's part, indeed, for while she's busily futzing around by the end table, the husband's had a chance to creep up behind her and... "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!" Yep, Hubby swiped that deadly looking utensil off the countertop and is now using it to tenderize Wifey's forehead. By the third blow, Wifey's blood and brain matter are spraying across the wedding photo on a nearby wall, and by the fifth, the METAL TEETH CHOMP's swooped down to gobble all the tasty bits up before hurling us all into the...